And people say I have no class. I have you, don’t I? 
You’re right; different kind of class. Oh well. Before we get under way with today’s instalment, we have a little house keeping to attend to.
In last Thursday’s post I asked you to share with the rest of us how you have dealt with fear over your journey. Being as it’s a universal challenge and a daily struggle for many of us, I thought it would be a good idea if we were given the opportunity to learn from each other’s experiences. I also believe it’s good for us to periodically step away from our own “stuff” and invest some emotional energy into helping someone else. Helping others, helps us. Gotta love those win-win outcomes. Nice. Anyhoo… we had some seriously impressive input from so many of you, it was actually kinda difficult to choose only three (or four) to send a book to. We call that a good problem. Comment after comment I found myself reading and nodding in agreement. Thanks for the lessons, the love, the courage and the effort. And a special mention to you ex-lurkers who have made yourselves known in recent times; nice to meet you. See… we don’t bite. While I could have given a prize to everyone, I don’t want to turn you into spoiled brats, so I’ve narrowed it down to four people who blew me away with their insight; Cheryl, Mystery Teacher, Alison and Littlejohn. If you four teachers care to send Johnny your details (via our email link), he will send you a book with a little message inside the front cover from me. I have decided that – for the time being anyway – we will make Thursdays here at me-dot-com our ”Your Turn to Teach” day. I will come up with the subject matter and you will regale us with your wisdom, insight and life-philosophy. If you so choose.
As most of you know, we have an upcoming two-day RYL program to be run here in Victoria from October 9 – 11. And while that’s old news to most of you, the good news is that one of our very generous readers has paid in full for someone to come along. Obviously this place is to be made available for a person who (1) would genuinely benefit from the experience (2) desperately wants to take part in the program (and do the necessary work) and (3) isn’t in a financial situation to make that happen. I have also decided to pay for airfares for that person - within Australia (apologies to my international readers). I don’t want to make this some big cheesy competition but in order to find our most worthy person, those of you who are interested will need to send us a hundred words (or so) explaining why it should be you. You can send those submissions via email. Start typing. 
On with today’s post…
Short Term Pain, Long Term Gain
Have you ever wondered why you keep doing things that you know you shouldn’t? Things that stand between you and your goals? Between you and your potential? You and your possibilities? Why you continue to over-eat when you’re already living in a body that for too long has been the cause of great emotional, psychological and possibly, social pain? Why you continue to avoid those issues; the ones you should have addressed long ago? Or why you feel sick every time you think about having that conversation with that person; the one you’ve been putting off forever. Yep, that one. Well, for the most part it’s about pleasure, pain and our perception of both. We generally gravitate to towards the thing (behaviour, decision, situation) that we believe will provide us with the greatest pleasure and/or the least pain in the short term. That is, right now.
It’s true that many of us hate discomfort and avoid it at all costs. And it is to our own detriment that we live in this paradigm because where there’s pain, there are lessons to be learned, insight to be gained, progress to be made and personal growth to be enjoyed. Why (for example) does the miserable person stay in the unhappy and unfulfilling relationship (for years) when there’s virtually zero chance of that particular situation improving? Because on some level that person associates more pain with getting out of that destructive situation, than they do with staying in it. So they stay. Forever. And so does their misery. *And no, I’m not talking about violent or abusive relationships here – that’s a different discussion.* And why does the morbidly obese person continue to make decisions – about food, exercise and lifestyle - which are at odds with (1) their health and (2) their long-term happiness? Because on some level they associate more pain with the change process (moving more, exercising consistently, eating less, changing habits) than they do with staying where they are. Here’s the internal dialogue:
“If I eat this chocolate right now, I’ll have instant pleasure but if I don’t eat it I won’t have instant weight-loss, so what’s the point? For now, chocolate it will be. Anyway, I can lose the weight next week.”
Of course next week never comes.
I learned long ago that there is a direct correlation between one’s willingness to get uncomfortable in the short term and their ability to create positive and lasting change (their best life) over the long term. I hope you learn the same lesson.
As always, love your thoughts.
Ciao x
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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Craig I think your point re change = pain is relevent to things other than food.
Example, I feel a bit guilty, like I did today, that I have not gotten past my grief issues, but in order to do so, I know it’s at odds with say my blood pressure issues, but sometimes the human has to fall over totally. If the MO person ends up deceased or in hospital, no amount of ‘look it’s costing society’ is going to prevent someone making the wrong decisions. You have always said we are never ready for something, we need to do it anyway, but some things there is a time we need to be ready.
Having said that, my point is, sometimes short term pain is just that – very short term. Give you an example, there is no doubt it’s easier weather wise to exercise this time of year in Brisbane then say in Melbourne, 4 am here is 7 degrees compared to your horrible weather, but often the I don’t want to do it is only 5 seconds! So as you have put in other blogs, persistance is the key. And it actually does become a pleasure and then we can move on to increasing the challenge. I think just remembering it’s short term has gotten me to exercise during this horrible time of year (i’m a wuss with cold) so you make good points, but again the voice needs to say ‘it’s temporary pain only” (if you really can call it pain to go walking/jogging I don’t but anyway) and often as I have found that walk in the cold has actually become pleasure.
Hope this is not too confusing a post, just my point is pain can become pleasure, no not kinky, just in the sense that taming the voice before you go out in the cold works for me.
I’ve noticed this for sure! I always think this has something to do with momentum. When I feel good, it seems easier to do the things that make me feel even better – for example exercising, eating right, connecting with friends. When I feel unhappy, doing these positive things seems like it will take more effort than I can spare – and instead I tend to over-eat, become reclusive and lethargic. If I push myself to do one “healthy” thing when I’m feeling bad, I know I’ve saved myself from sinking lower.
Hi Craig, how would you like to move to the sunny Hawkes Bay on NZ’s east coast and come and live perched on my shoulder. I so live in the moment and have often scoffed the chocolate before I even realise. If you were on my shoulder you could whisper in my ear (or perhaps slap me around the ears) before I even touched the wrapper…
Congratulations to the winners from Thursday and special hugs and appreciation to the person who donated the RYL. Heres another thought Craig – how about a RYL in the sunny Hawkes Bay. I have a great place you could stay.
Hi Craig,
I guess Im one of those hanging on to the past. I have been obese for so long being slim or healthy scares me.
I wonder who will i be when Im slim as being “big” has been a big part of my past. Being sexually molested when i was young the weight served as my protection from people I thought that making myself ugly would turn people away and i would be safe.
Now that Im older i dont need it anymore yet here it is.
Letting go of that protection opens up a new set of fears for me and takes me to a place in which im not familar.
its like having this internal fight i want to be slim and healthy but some part of me just wont let go of the big me. I know what i have to do yet doing it is hard. I guess it is the comfort thing happening.
I guess believing in oneself is the hard part of the doing.
Ive been told Im a strong person and yet i cant see it.
Every day brings its own struggle for me as my senses are bombarded by food, chocolate,greasy take away and so on. I need to feed the fat to keep the protection up lest if fall and people see the vunerable little girl and unsure adult inside.
I used to wish death would visit and ease the pain that i feel, but i guess he has better things to do.
so here i am struggling and hoping one day just maybe the fight will end.
HI Craig
Well 2 days of commenting in a row. Thats a record for me lol.
What you said today was soo me. It was me yesterday after getting off here from saying how i am going to do it. Did i do it? No.
I am at such a loss right now when it comes to my food. My food coach that i pay for has been trying to help but in the end it comes down to me actually putting it into action.
Thats what i struggle with. putting it into action. I know i can do it i just dont for some reason and i dont understand why.
Amanda
“there is a direct correlation between one’s willingness to get uncomfortable in the short term and their ability to create positive and lasting change (their best life) over the long term”
Craig, that’s GOLD! One day I’m gonna be flippin’ my little day calendar and lo and behold, there will be one of your gems with Craig Harper written under it. Or Hug Slut, perhaps.
Personally, I find that comment both motivating and practical. I can imagine being faced with the choice of doing what I should or taking the easy way out (immediate pleasure) but then thinking of that comment and choosing the RIGHT thing. Thanks, bud.
Micheal – yes, pain can become pleasure. And if anyone wants to call it kinky, that’s fine with me! Kinky I can definitely live with.
Congrats on Thursday’s winners .. there were lots of really great comments in there. I’m still loving Pete’s brilliant analogy of fear.
Suz (Sydney)
LOL Suz I didn’t know any other way of putting it. Another one of life’s ironies is change. Fear of it.
Example, isn’t it funny that at work we are forced to change a procedure, we complain and take on the change anyway then when the change has to be changed we don’t want to change. *head spinning here* The short term ‘pain’ was not really pain at all (mostly). Just my view anyway
Gail – for what it’s worth, I hear you and empathise big time! I can relate to how you’ve said you feel on a couple of occasions, although it comes from a different source with me. Firstly, have you ever sought professional help? I had a magical 6 sessions with a psychologist late last year to help me understand why I self-sabotage from a lack of self-worth. And how to let it go. Since then I’ve blown many of my goals completely out of the water .. and I now have the belief and the knowledge that I can achieve whatever I choose. Second, understand that when you go on that journey of achieving a better physical body, it is also your mental and emotional self that goes on the journey .. probably even more. So when you reach that slim, lean, strong you on the outside, you won’t BE the same person with the same fears you have now. You will have the knowledge of what you’ve achieved and that will empower you and build your self-belief. For me, I could see these (metaphoric) mountains that I had to scale and it was SO HARD to move forward. But I put my head down and just got on with the day to day stuff, letting go of the bigger picture. Just accepting that this is how I live now. Before I knew it, I had achieved great results and when I felt strong enough to tackle those mountains I looked up to find that they’d disappeared altogether!
If you live in Australia, I would highly recommend you get to RYL 2. If you can’t afford it, then enter Craig’s competition. Not only will you get 2 days of Harper wisdom, truth, love and inspiration, you’ll meet a HEAP of wonderful people that will support you on your journey. All the very best!
Suz ( )
I’m hearin’ ya Michael.
You’re not alone there Paul
Michael – yeah, pain is perception. Life is perception. Feel the fear .. or pain .. and do it anyway. I just discovered the pain from laser hair removal .. YIKES!! But I’m going back for more. Short term pain; long term gain.
I’m one of those strange people who actually enjoys change just for the sake of change. I like to be thrown into turmoil on occasion and get a good shake up. Oh, and it’s fascinating to watch those around you (in a work environment) deal with it. Or not.
Hi Colleen
The “sunny Hawkes Bay” sounds gorgeous. You organise one hundred of your closest buddies and I’ll be there to deliver your very own personal (kind of) RYL
.
Seriously, I would love to run a program in NZ but I don’t know that the Craig Harper “brand” has much pulling power over there!
Wow Gail – a big unconditional hug from me to you (( ))
You are good enough, strong enough and the only reason you need to lose weight is for your health. I know it’s not easy and I know it’s scary but it’s very possible. You have never even begun ot explore your beautiful potential. If you want to chat with me, call Johnny on (03) 9553 8857 during business hours and he’ll organise it.
Hi Amanda… okay, listen carefully… STOP OVER-THINKING!!!
Do more, think less.
Keep me posted.
Thanks Suz,
Hug Slut
“Why (for example) does the miserable person stay in the unhappy and unfulfilling relationship (for years) when there’s virtually zero chance of that particular situation improving? Because on some level that person associates more pain with getting out of that destructive situation, than they do with staying in it. So they stay. Forever. And so does their misery.”
Craig, as a person who spent over eight years in such a relationship and finally broke out last year, this really struck a chord with me. And getting out of it WAS hard and it HAS caused a lot of pain, but would I change what I did? Not in a second. Not only was I unhappy, but so was my ex – he just isn’t the sort of person to acknowledge such things or to dig too deeply. So I just wanted to say the discomfort on that front has been well worth in terms of personal growth. Now if only I could apply this lesson (more) to my continuing weight loss journey. *rueful smile* Anyway, thank you, as always, for your amazing insights.
(Stands up, looking nervous)
Ahem …
My name is Em and I’m addicted to easy. I’m a knower, and much, much less of a doer! I’m a planner, a procrastinator and an over-over-thinker. I’m a “gunna”, and I’m gunna start Monday.
There, I said it.
I’m ready to change – I have goals, dammit! Personal, health & fitness (read: muffin top) and business goals. And they’re not going to achieve themselves. So I guess it’s time to focus my attention (such a scatterbrain) and embrace the pain!!
Aarrrghh!
Em
( ) x
Hi Craig,
I just might take you up on the chat thingy.
Suze, yep i saw one and the first thing they mentioned was taking legal action against the person and that sent me running for the hills. He knows what he done, and i know and i guess I already feel humilitated enough without standing in a court room and reliving it and having to prove my innocence. I guess in a funny way i feel responsible for him and have to look after him. Strange, but true.
He was the eldest and i was the youngest yet i became caretaker of the family. I stepped up when my mum was mourning her loss in alcohol.
I dont blame her and i love her unconditionally no matter what.
i lost one parent and i didnt want to lose her but i lost me.
I would do it again in the blink of an eye but im still paying the price now.
The ex-lurker is back! Gail, your email moved me to tears- sending you big hugs xoxo. Being hospitalised for PND when I had my daughter(5 years ago) has motivated me to change just about everything in my life. (It has taken me 5 years to work out what doesn’t work first, I seem to enjoy learning the hard way!
) I won’t bore you all with the details, but it cost me a lot. I am a passionate volunteer counsellor and currently working on my qualification.
Anyway, what has worked for me is to forgive myself. Forgive myself for finding ‘temporary relief’ from the pain with food, spending on credit, etc etc. I actually apologised to my stomach for taking out my pain on it (my pain= other peoples garbage they dumped on me while I was growing up). I massage moisturiser into it (it takes a while, it isn’t small) and apologise to it everyday. I have stuck a note on the fridge that says “don’t take over the abuse”. My ‘unaware’ brain was simply trying it’s best at the time to protect me and ‘help me feel better’. Ironically, it helped me feel better in the moment but much worse in the long term. I decided to invest in the long term by finding different ways to feel better.
Hi Craig
I am such a big over-thinker. Its something i struggle with. Maybe you should do something on overthinking because that is me bigtime. And im sure a lot of other people will have the same issue.
Any advice from readers is most welcome because this is something i really need to work on. For health reasons especially. Its causing my low blood pressure and causing me to have light-headed moments aswell. Plus ive just had a knee op about 6 and a half months ago and it is interfering with my healing process as well as it making it more likely that i will have further damage down the track.
Thanks
Amanda
It’s like the default setting on our thermostat is to ‘do easy.’ What does it take to change that default to ‘doing the amazing’? It’s easy to give up, to walk away from something. But then facing the consequences of that is painful too.
“Are you all in or all out?” Didn’t you say that in Fattitude?
I’ve just made my decision. I’m all in. I’m doing the amazing – or my best version of. That’s all anyone can do. Amazing is individual. My amazing could be your mediocre.
Go for Gold in your ‘sport’.
Gail – wow, that’s really tough! And you don’t see that you’re a strong person? Capable of stepping up and being strong when others need it? You just have to realise that being strong for yourself is at least as important as being strong for others. More so, actually. The more you love yourself and do what you need to filleth your cup, the more you’re then able to give to those who love and need you. So while it may seem selfish, it’s actually not.
I agree with you that seeking “justice” and reliving it is not necessarily the best way to move forward. But I also think you need to find a way to let the past go … release its hold on you. Easier said than done, I know .. but very worthwhile in the scheme of .. your life! Any way that we can help or support, just say the word.
( )
pain is relevent to things other than food… yes it sure is. Sometimes it just hurts so much like you are lonely ‘being moral’, not drinking, not bitching at work.. blah blah but I do know that is just self obsession and self pity because everyone who has it has to do it…
You know what you want to do or want it and I supose this is also linked into fear somehow that even your best wont be good enough.. as some said earlier they are scared of being thin.. I dont really know what the solution is but I do know that even by tweaking my current programs I progress and that is what I want to do.. Realising that being average is disomfort enough and hard work makes me respect those that have it more and to strive to continue to uphold my part of that team …
Hi Craig, Can i Through you comments page wish my friend and yours chelle akerblom a very happy birthday, we have never met as i live in Scotland but we are very good friends and she is a lovely person so i hope this is ok
Elaine xx