Hi Team…
Before we get under way, a quick congrats and well done to all you twenty-eight day folk. Whether you’re flying or spinning your wheels a little, keep in mind that the primary objective is to finish what you started. Lumps and bumps are part of the journey. While many would find a problem or an excuse (to stop), choose to be the person who finds a solution and a reason to stay committed. Where there is discomfort, there are lessons to be learned, progress to be made and growth to be enjoyed. If you want to be like everyone else, then do what they do. If you want to create exceptional results, then do exceptional things. It’s only hard when we make it hard. 
A Proactive Life
Have you noticed how many people seem to wait until the wheels fall off their life (marriage, health, business, finances, career, friendships) before they decide to do something about it? We call this living reactively. Australian males (and, I suspect, males everywhere) often wait until something falls off (their body), turns blue or starts bleeding profusely before they consider it time to address their health. This is called reactive health management. And stupidity.
Is it possible that we are simultaneously the most educated and stupid generation ever? In Australia, we have more information, education, facilities and resources (to help us create better lives) than ever before. We also have more obesity, personal debt, marriage breakdowns, drug use and arguably, dysfunction and misery than ever before.
Why?
Living a Lie
Well, I’m not sure what the experts might say, but part of my theory is that many of us live a self-created lie (“my marriage is fine, my finances are fine, my health is fine, it will all work itself out, I’ll fall on my feet”) until one day reality smashes us in the face. Sadly, sometimes we get smashed too late. Sometimes the situation is irreversible and unfixable. If only we hadn’t waited, procrastinated, pretended, rationalised, excused and justified our way through the last decade. Or three.
Our Future Present
While it’s good to live in the moment and be in flow (as Eastern wisdom teaches us), a little forward-thinking, planning and proactivity can help make our future present (think about that) a much nicer place to inhabit. Please don’t bullshit yourself about your current situation. If you have pretended and denied for too long, then make today the turning point. Ultimately, you’re only fooling yourself. And hurting yourself. Be honest, practical and courageous from now. Make that choice. There’s no need for self-loathing, self-pity or regret but there is a need for you to take charge of your life. You’re smart enough, educated enough and talented enough. DO NOT let fear hold you back any more.
“Life doesn’t get better, you do.”
Don’t wait for reality to yank you out of your delusion. And don’t waste any more of your time, talent or opportunities.
Today is an opportunity.
As always, I’ll be cheering you on.
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But doesn’t that fly in the face of moaning that life is so hard and the get over it response others inflict?
Things are not ok, that’s ok, in fact I chatted to someone today who showed me their diary. In that diary the things that showed how he was in 1996. I asked him how did you get from point A where everything was a mess to point B – partner, money, travelling etc. He just said it happened. It just did. Persistance, but it did. Much like the blog entry you wrote the other day.
There’s no need for self-loathing, self-pity or regret but there is a need for you to take charge of your life. – yes that is right but part of that is taking reponsibility for what was done. If the situation cannot be reversed that’s part of it.
I think the past few days have been a lesson in being floored by what happened yet getting a bit of courage to see it through so thanks for the post.
My negative head says the future is only predictable through probability (likelihood is, we’re all gonna die), and sometimes shit just happens.
But my positive head is listening to what you’re saying and agrees to get uncomfortable again this week.
I am one of these people – my rainbow wheels finally fell off my childhood dragstar push bike health and I knew it was my time to do something about the trigger – my marriage – what marriage?
Although I was living reactively, in my world I was living proactively plotting and planning in my head over and over, how I would escape a domestic violence situation and come out normal.
I hear you all say just leave, what are you doing? but it’s just not that easy.
Yep I am educated, not stupid, have access via my job to resources and information and even specialists and refuges. The hardest thing I had to do is I admit I have been living a lie to myself – my soul and spirit , to all my friends and family even work colleague. In my head I was going to stay another 6 years until the kids all finished school. Pathetic.
What changed – I made the choice to change but was still stuck in my rutt – then I met someone who knew I was a pretender, rationalised, a people pleaser, over thinker, they knew I was not okay, did not excuse and let me justify my irrational abnormal behaviours. The did not give up on me.
Their have been sobbing sessions – lots of them. I have finally made the choice to take back my power and their is no regret. My fear held me back.
I hope a shining light comes into your life. How lucky am I to have a patient, kind and warm caring generous soul yank me out of my delusion and not give up on me.
Craig,
As always, one hell of a great message from my friend and guru, Craig Harper. Proactive living requires loads of energy and its got to come from within(forget the energy drinks, they are only a quick fix)A balanced lifestyle is probably the answer and may very well be the solution. I’m still working on it, myself . I suppose it may be a lifetime project. Oh well…Life is still good.
As always, have fun and prosper.
Namaste,
rene’ waguespack
I lived my lie with my marriage also – living in fear that things were not equal yet too fearful to address it because we “might” split up. You guessed it, we split up anyway and everything I feared came true. Had we addressed it and suffered the pain at the time there may have been a different outcome, but going down that path of “pushing it under the rug” made things ultimately worse. I am now exactly where I feared! Everyone out there bite the bullet and address things that need addressing, no matter how painful – you will ultimately be better for it.
Thanks Craig. Your message came at just the right time for me. It’s much more comfortable to live in the Land of Delusion, but so very much more exciting to take charge of your life!
I had begun to do so, and then got scared of the positive changes which were occurring. Your words of wisdom have brought me back on track. I’m going to print out the words “Life doesn’t get better, you do” in big bold letters and read it frequently from now on to remind me to face down my fear of change and embrace a better life.
Marci, I don’t want to comment direct on what you experienced, but that is what happened to me with friends. I had something in my mind that was nagging saying get away. I didn’t listen, they did not want to address things and it ended badly, still ongoing the conflicts. I did attempt to be proactive. But your story again shows that humans will generally pick being reactive. Hence why we have outcomes Craig talks about and things don’t change.
Anon I had two of those yesterday that helped me out they were not harsh at all, all they pointed out was they had been there and it was ok to stuff up. That helped.
Wow, lightbulb moment! Now I have figured out why I have not been putting in whats required of me to keep going on my fight for good health over the last 2 months. Sometimes it takes seeing it written down in front of you to realise what you have been doing.
Thanks Craig.
Theory and practice are two very different things.
The fear of the unknown rates as Number One for most people-better the devil you know etc.
You speak of biting the bullet and taking that step of faith over the ledge.
I wish everyone who is standing at the precipice much courage and strength to take the leap.
Thanks for the cheer. Sometimes that’s all we really need – is someone to egg us on – in the right way X
Hi Craig,
this post came at an interesting time… I have been really sick… and it looks like work stress might be one of the culprits. So i sat and had a chat to my family… Husband, Parents etc. who suggested that i take 6 months off find a job with possibly less hours and get well… I have only been at this Job for 3 months – in that time… recurrent migraines, gastro – been put on crutches as I did my knee – on my way to work, and now a really severe chest infection. So when I read your post – and after much discussion with my family about what was best for my work colleagues – yep – I have been more worried about my work colleagues than myself – I have decided that probably the best thing is to leave and get well… then find something that is best for me… why is it so hard for some of us to think about ourselves over everthing else – and only when the wheels finally fall off and you need to do it becuase if you don’t it might kill you. I fear making decisions like this – maybe this job is a good one…. even though it might cost my health….. maybe I am letting down the people that I work with…. even at the cost of my health….. I have spent many hours convincing myself that for a change I am important – have I convinced myself no not yet… But your post has helped me to find some courage to step outside that all encompassing comfort zone and perhaps do something that is good for me!