Warning: If you’re after some hard-hitting, life-changing, mind-altering, insight, wisdom and enlightenment from yours truly today… then check out one of your other favourite writers.
Seriously.
This is certainly no Personal Development piece… social commentary perhaps.
A little tongue-in-cheek satire maybe.
Or just an excuse for me to comment on something I find entertaining, amusing, incredible, sad and silly.
So little Paris has just headed off (today) to the slammer for her twenty three day sabbatical.
Busting up rocks for a few weeks with her new gal pals.
Making number plates.
Developing new skills.
A craft class or two perhaps.
Learning to love jump suits.
If there’s ever a time when she doesn’t want to be gorgeous, it’s the next three weeks.
Poor Baby.
How dare that nasty judge make her be responsible for her actions.
She didn’t mean it; it was all a silly misunderstanding.
Besides… probation and loss of license are such ambiguous terms anyway.
“Oh, you meant no driving… at all?”
What was he thinking that silly old judge?
Did he not know who she is?
Did he not know the Paris rules?
Did he not get how obscenely rich and influential she is?
Not to mention, stunningly thin?
Surely someone that attractive couldn’t be a criminal?
“Can’t we just make this go away… Mr Judgeywudgey?”
“What if I cry a bit?”
Apparently not.
Clearly he missed the Paris memo.
Maybe she didn’t pout enough in court.
Of course there are rules for us normal folk (you and me).
And then… there’s the rules for the spoilt, self-centred, obnoxious, pretentious, precocious, immature, irresponsible, stupidly-wealthy, surgically-enhanced, dysfunctional ‘famous’ people that all our kids (seemingly) aspire to be.
(Heavy sigh).
I wonder how our famous-for-nothing-in-particular star will cope wearing her new orange outfit?
Hopefully it’s fitted and not too baggy.
(Imagine… uggh!)
She never wears orange.
So doesn’t go with blond hair.
So… totally-not-her-colour.
Seriously though(!), I’m kinda worried about her.
I don’t reckon she’s experienced a whole lotta (physical) discomfort over her twenty six years.
I hope that green vinyl mattress doesn’t give her a rash.
And I hope the guards don’t wake her too early… you know she likes to sleep in.
I wonder what the skin and hair-care products are like in there?
And more importantly, I wonder if they have a ‘lite’ meals option?
Hope so.
I really hope Paris can find an angle on how to make some substantial cash from this whole unnecessary experience; there’s gotta be an upside to all that suffering.
A few highly-paid interviews maybe.
Or a mini-series.
Possibly a book about her journey to hell and back (My time in the joint by Paris Hilton).. out soon in paperback.
Hopefully her agent’s on it as I write.
After all, we wouldn’t want her to actually learn a lesson.
Speaking of that (a lesson)… how much fun would it be if we (you and me) could pick her cell mate?
A lot.
We don’t want any harm to come to her or anything.. but perhaps a few weeks with some nice, large, scary lady with a bunch of tattoos, six yellow teeth, a pet snake and a not-too-friendly disposition would be a valuable life-lesson for our little princess.
But seriously… if only that silly judge hadn’t misunderstood her, the nasty press hadn’t driven her to drink and the ill-informed public hadn’t victimised her… she could be out clubbing with Nicole, Lindsay and Britney right now.
If Lindsay wasn’t in rehab of course.
So not fair.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
The saddest interview I heard here in Ireland about 3 or 4 months ago was with a 13 year old. The radio presenter started off the interview by saying something like “Now, we have Amanda who has the most amazing story to tell. Hi Amanda, this weekend you had a really life changing experience. Your dream came true didn’t it. Tell us what you did.”
I thought this was going to be some incredible thing this 13 year old had done – something inspiring and wonderful. Something that other 13 year olds might learn something from and I might as well.
So it was time for the 13 year old girl to tell her story. I almost crashed the car when I heard what this wonderful experience was…
SHE HAD MET PARIS HILTON….
That was it. Paris Hilton was in Dublin doing a promotion for something overpriced and exclusive (perfume or something I dunno) and this 13 year old had won a competition to be behind the scenes of her appearance and meet her.
In the course of the interview with the radio presenter I learned that this 13 year old child considered Paris Hilton to be a role model. She had “done it all herself and proved anyone can make it”….
How desperately sad I thought. Is this the world we live in now folks? A world where 13 year old girls look up to people famous for making a porn film ?
Hi Craig,
Funny post today but according to most celeb mags Paris is going to be kept in a special housing unit and won’t have a cell mate at all. This is of course after she had her jail time reduced for “good behaviour” before she even set foot in the place.
It definitely seems like it’s one set of rules for the general public and another for celebrities. Still it should giver her plenty of time to think about her life. And work on the diary that she’s apparently going to publish
This was funny on so many levels!
It was funny because of the social commentary. It was funny because I don’t follow celebrity news, don’t have a TV and generally avoid all things regarding celebrity and entertainment and here I am at a personal development/motivation site and read about someone who’s famous for some unknown reason and who’s fallen as all famous people seem wont to do.
I had no idea she was in prison or going to be heading there until I read this post.
I think Paris will end up making a few bucks outta her time in stir, the big house, the clink. People love the comeback story, love to see fallen heroes, love to squeeze the bitter juice out of the tragedies and misfortunes of others.
I wish I were more sympathetic and less judgmental but I have to admit, as little as I know about PH, there is little to recommend or admire about her.
What do you bet that in a few years she’ll be adopting orphans from third world countries?
Hi Alan,
Yep.
Sad, weird.. all of it.
Cheers.
Hi Clare,
I still wanna see her eating those rubbery scrambled eggs!
And just one shot of her in that jumpsuit.
Hi Ms.Q,
Although I penned this post under the guise of a bit of fun.. it was also hoped that I might stimulate a little thought on the following:
1) Personal responsibility, accountability.
2) Decision making, life choices.
3) Attitudes, standards, values, perception… and ‘rules’.
Cheers.
Yes, Paris has been given an abundance of wealth on every level and it’s sad to see how little she has chosen to do with it.
It makes me sick the attitude of celebrity brats thinking that because of their ’status’ that they can do as they please with scant regard of the consequences, or the law!
I reckon the judge was too soft in this instance, and Paris should be thrown in with the general population! This may shock her into looking at life as it really is, and maybe she’d realise the make believe world she lives in is just that…make believe! But there again, it probably wouldn’t have any affect on her at all!!
I reckon she needs a big slap on the back of the head for being so ignorant!! Metaphorically speaking of course!!
I am glad she has to do ‘time’ and she didn’t get off scott free! She may even learn a lesson from this?? Only time will tell I guess!
Mmmmm….I think it is time for me to get off my soap box….
Ms. Q. (part 2),
yep.
Hi Craig,
Good to see you fired up and passionate.
So does this mean you’ve ditched your Paris Hilton screen saver?
Hiya Craig,
I think it is a real worry that the likes of paris, lindsay,and Britney are the “role models” for young girls today . With not one ounce of sense between them and not any sense of responsibility. I really want my girls and boys to have role models of character ( good as opposed to dubious), substance and worth ( as opposed to riches , not that I have anything against money). I refuse to buy the magazines and our T.V has an off button. It is probably safer that way.Nothing like a little good clean dirt to build the immune system anyway!
Cheers Janine.
Oh noooooo, that vacuous creature has managed to infiltrate this wonderful website…
Who cares what Paris et al do or don’t do? The less airplay they have the better.
I vote we have a pointless celebrity free zone or is this a kids being influence thing that I’m completely missing here?
i really wanted her to be thrown in with the general gaol population to see what life’s really like. shame that.
doesn’t matter what happens, nothing will get into that thick skull of hers.
what a waste of space she is. sigh.
Hi Janine,
A little dirt never hurt this country boy.
Hi Kat,
The problem is that KIDS (young girls) care what they do and they are being (adversely) impacted.
There’s no glorifying of their behaviours here…
Quite the opposite.
Cheers.
Hi Julie.
let’s hope she does learn a lesson.
Anyone can change if they really want to.
Q. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One.. but it’s really gotta want to change!
Hey Craig,
A Paris Hilton screen saver on my PC!?!?!? Fat chance!!
Cheers…
I was amused by the “Save Paris from Jail” petition, where her justification for avoiding all responsibility for her actions was that she “brightens up our otherwise drab, mundane lives”!
Denial … isn’t that a river in Egypt???
Although, on the surface, the story is about Paris Hilton and her belief that she is above the law I think there is a bit of her attitude in many people. Not you or me of course. But I have noticed that some people think that not only the laws of the country, but even the laws of nature, somehow don’t apply to them. It’s just a bit more obvious with a celeb like Paris, but when John Doe stuffs his face with junk food believing it will not affect his health is it any different?
Harvey from Durban, home of the 2-legged Shark
Not looking good for learning a lesson with a whole 3 days in jail. What is the world coming to!
Loved the article. Particularly the Mr. Judgewudgey comment. Classic Harper!
Thanks for the laughs!!
Hi Geekgirl,
It just gotta whole lot more interesting didn’t it?
Are you really a geek?
If yes, what makes you one?
Cheers.
Hey Harvey.
Good point.
Everything has a consequence… good or bad.
Cheers.
Hi Anonymous.
Glad I made you laugh.
See ya.