My Life Changing Questions

Why our questions are important

I have spoken before about the undeniable relationship that exists between the quality of the questions we ask ourselves and the quality of the results we produce in our world; the better the questions, the better the results. It’s been a crucial part of my personal development journey and an area which has been a constant work in progress. When we consciously and consistently ask ourselves better questions, a few things happen:

1. We instantly put ourselves in a better place emotionally and psychologically (and avoid the pity party)

2. We become solution-focused, not problem-obsessed

3. We make better (more logical, intelligent, productive) decisions

4. We become more practical and less theoretical

5. We consciously create our own destiny and shape our own future, rather than merely react to, or cope with, our environment and circumstances

6. We act more consciously and intelligently (we do smarter things)

7. We produce more desirable results in our world

8. Our reality changes for the better

The tough questions

People who consciously choose to ask the smart (and often, hard) questions seek learning, growth, improvement, understanding and better outcomes in their world; they are totally serious about creating positive change – unlike the many who talk too much and do too little. You may know someone like this? Asking these types of empowering and confronting questions requires a level of courage, humility, honesty and self-awareness that can make many of us uncomfortable. Sometimes v-e-r-y uncomfortable. Asking these questions requires us to acknowledge and address our flaws, fears, weaknesses and inadequacies – and for the alpha-male of the species who is taught to hide his weaknesses at all cost – this level of personal exploration and self-examination can be something of a challenge. Trust me on this; I have some personal experience. But the good news is that these types of questions will put the ‘asker’ in a much more empowered, productive, positive, resourceful and creative state.

The best questions?

So here are the questions that have served me well over my journey. They have helped me to keep moving in the right direction, to keep my feet on the ground, to stay humble and aware, to maximise my limited talent, to identify and deal with my weaknesses and to produce some good results. Remember, this is not some generic list that will be appropriate for everyone. There is no universal ‘best question list’ but there is ‘my best list’ – and this is it. I don’t have a copyright or monopoly on these questions, so feel free to make them your own, should you find any of them to be meaningful or relevant to your situation.

My Top Ten Questions…

1. Do I need this food, or do I want it? Food has always been one of my biggest challenges. I love food but it hasn’t always loved me. For me, the fat teenager is only a decision away. I have had numerous torrid affairs in my time – all with food. As many of you know, my current mistress is baked cheesecake and she is indeed a seductive and tasty partner. Fortunately I only pay her a visit about once a month, lest I be a whopper. A big unit. A Craigasoarous. This question (and my subsequent honest response and appropriate behaviours) has helped me stay in shape (mostly) for the last thirty years. And remember:

” Nothing tastes as good as being in shape feels”

2. How am I perceived by others? The truth is that most of us are pretty unaware (sometimes at least) when it comes to knowing how others see us. As a teacher, coach, business owner, writer, blogger, corporate speaker, radio and TV presenter, it’s crucial that I have at least some idea of how I come across to others. Am I connecting or confusing? Am I engaging or alienating? Am I funny or simply annoying (it happens)? Am I motivating or intimidating? Are they celebrating or tolerating me? For someone in the communication business, I simply have to be able to create real connection and understanding with others and if I have no idea of how I am perceived by them, then that ain’t gonna happen. I need to see what they see.

3. How am I contributing to this problem? I’m usually part of the problem – even when my ego doesn’t want to acknowledge it. The quicker I can ask this question, the quicker I can move towards a solution. Inhabiting a mindset which won’t allow me to even consider that I play some role in the perpetuation of the problem is a dangerous place to live. Yes, there are some exceptions to this rule, but they are in the minority.

4. What can I learn from this experience? I have produced many less-than-desirable outcomes on my journey, made some monumental stuff-ups, been treated badly by people I loved and trusted, and made numerous stupid decisions. Call me human. Of course bad things happen to good people and of course the world is not a fair place at times, but the key in all of this is what we learn, how we evolve and how we deal with that (type of) situation next time. Fortunately, things (in my world) only have the meaning I give them, so I choose to call all of my experiences – positive or negative – lessons. I can get angry and frustrated, or I can get educated and enlightened. I can overcome or I can be overcome. It’s a choice.

5. What do I want? For me it’s always been important to have clarity and certainty about what I want and don’t want in and for, my life; my family, my relationships, my career, my health, my business, my spiritual life and my contribution as a conscious and conscientious member of the society in which I live. What I will do, who I will be, what I will become. I never wanted to be one of those people who stumble and bumble their way through a life that they despise – while never actually doing anything about it. I have always done my best to live a life consistent with my values and beliefs – haven’t always nailed it, but I won’t fail because I’m not having a go. I am often saddened by the number of people who have no goals and who can’t tell me what their ‘best life’ looks like. If they were happy and fulfilled it wouldn’t sadden me but they’re not, they are miserable passengers and spectators.

6. Why do I want it? The motives behind my goals will tell you more about me than the goals themselves. The ‘why’ is more important than the ‘what’. It’s important that when we set ourselves goals, we explore the why behind our what, so we can learn more about ourselves. Sometimes when we discover the why (why we want to achieve a certain thing), our what (what we want to achieve), will change because we realise that the achievement of that goal won’t really give us what we’re chasing on a deeper level. Like the person who loses thirty five kilos (77lbs), has some surgery and buys the new wardrobe… only to discover that he/she is still miserable because genuine happiness was never about the external.

7. Why and how do I self-sabotage? If you’re like I was for a long time then you’re probably pretty good at getting in your way, shooting yourself in the foot, wasting your talent, putting things off, leaning on the self-destruct button and ‘almost’ doing things. You might wanna get over that. Quickly. You probably have enough hurdles without being one yourself!

8. What do I have to be thankful for? Plenty! I have a great life and I have much to appreciate and enjoy. Sometimes (okay, often) when we’re in the middle of a challenge we completely lose perspective of what we have and we can easily turn small issues into monumental problems. All we need for a little perspective at the moment (Feb, 2009) is to watch the TV (here in Australia) and listen to the bushfire survivors talk for a few minutes. That should do it. It’s smart to plan for the future, but it’s even smarter to appreciate and be thankful for what we have in the now… ’cause that’s where we live.

9. How do I need to change to be my best self? Physically, emotionally, socially, psychologically, spiritually? What are my faults and what am I doing about them? What are the destructive habits, behaviours and beliefs I need to address?

10. If not now, when? I’m, not suggesting that any of us should jump into things without thinking it through logically, but what I am saying is that too many people over-think, over-talk, over-plan and under-do. They die waiting for the right time – which of course never comes. I stopped waiting for the perfect time long ago; for the most part, it doesn’t exist. Not in my world anyway. Creating great results is less about ‘the time’ and more about ‘the attitude’. Like many other variables, time is simply a convenient cop-out for many.

I’m sure you have some thoughts, comments or even some fave questions of your own. Johnny will send a book, DVD, CD or T-shirt (your choice) to the commentor who pushes my buttons the most. If you’re not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

Ciao x

Love this article? Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter today to receive more articles like this, and my FREE Ebook!

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.