Difficult is about Mindset not Situation
Last night (writing this Monday night) I watched a story on Sixty Minutes about a young navy diver named Paul De Gelder (pictured below with a reporter) who was attacked by a shark in the middle of Sydney Harbour three months ago. I’m sure a bunch of you Aussies watched the story also. Paul lost his right leg above the knee, right hand and part of his right forearm in the attack. The Sixty Minutes interview was an opportunity for him to recount his story and for us viewers to take a peek at his gruelling recovery process from the safety of our comfy couches. Only it wasn’t. Gruelling that is. In fact it was surprisingly… er… ungruelling. A little gorey at times but not gruelling. If I had to label his recovery and rehab journey, I’d probably go with uplifting. Inspirational. Exceptional even.
Choosing Exceptional
Fortunately for you and I (and Paul), “exceptional” is an option that’s available to all of us, all of the time. That’s because producing the type of outcomes that most won’t isn’t about situations, circumstances, luck, fate, chance or even ability; it’s about choosing to do what most won’t – thereby being the exception to the majority. Choosing exceptional and producing amazing results is certainly not limited to tough blokes who have been attacked by sharks. Being exceptional, doing exceptional and creating exceptional outcomes all stems from having an exceptional mindset, which in turn produces exceptional choices, behaviours and results. Simple really. Until we make it hard. As we often do.
Here’s how it works:
1. An exceptional mindset (attitude, thinking, reaction) is an option for all of us. We can find the good or we can inhabit the bad (as many do). We can be the solution person or the problem person. We can be proactive or reactive. We can be the light in the darkness or the darkness in the light. And we can be the victor or the victim. For most of us our mind is our reality, so we best take charge of it. Good or bad, hard or easy, terrifying or exciting is determined by us and us alone.
2. With a better mindset comes better decisions. The ones that many would avoid. The uncomfortable but necessary decisions. The logical and not the emotional.
3. With better decisions comes better behaviours and habits. Put simply, we do better. Always a good thing.
4. And with better habits and behaviours comes better results. What we want. Of course.
“We can’t always control what happens to us or around us, but we can control how we respond.”
Annoyingly Positive
How on earth can the recovery process from a shark attack that robs you of a hand, part of your forearm and a leg (things we really prefer to keep) be anything but gruelling, horrible and distressing? Well, apparently it can. In fact, if you really want it to be, it can be interesting and dare I say, fun. Just ask Paul who seemed to be annoyingly happy, positive, logical and proactive about doing what needs to be done. Of course it’s about now that the cynics might say something like “well that’s because he’s in denial and he’s not dealing with reality”. And I would say to those purveyors of gloom… that’s why you’re cynics and Paul’s controlling what he can, letting go of what he can’t and getting on with the business of living. He is indeed being the change in his world. The shark could never take his courage, his determination or his ability to choose what he does with what he’s got. Attributes like courage, determination, self-control, focus and optimism can never be taken from us – but we can choose to give them away.
Justifiable Misery
If only someone would remind Paul that he “deserves” to be angry, resentful, bitter and full of self-pity; justifiable misery we might call it. What’s with all that happiness and positivity stuff anyway? If anyone could rationalise some serious self-pity, it’s this bloke. Apparently he’s not interested. Weird. I know a bunch of people who could give him a serious lesson (or ten) in self-inflicted pain and misery. People who can milk a common cold or a sore toe for months. People who think that adversity is waiting in a queue for two minutes. Attention-seeking, self-indulgent sooks who wouldn’t know real pain if it slapped them over their precious heads.
“I don’t care what you’ve got; I care what you do with what you’ve got.”
Sometimes life doesn’t get better; we get better.
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{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
I saw this same story on Paul and couldn’t help thinking how inspirational he was.
Chequebook inspiration!
While I agree that the story on the navy diver who lost his leg and hand in a shark attack in Sydney Harbour was inspirational, I am not sure about him selling his story to the highest-bidding TV network.
Bronwen.
Craig, the points that you make in this post are so very true. I am an incest survivor who choses to thrive rather than continuing to be a victim. Any one who chooses to stay a victim is a victim because they are getting something out of the situation. We all have the same ability to get beyond tragedy that your shark attack survivor does. It is definitely all about the attitude we have that makes our life what it is.
My blog articles are not written about my victimhood. They are written to offer hope and give courage to other survivors who want to go beyond surviving to thriving.
I appreciate your attitude about life and the lessons that you teach. Thanks.
Hi Craig,
I missed the show but remember the story when it happened. Amazing…to have firstly survived the shark attack but also to have the “I am getting on with my life” mindset.
Well done him and a great message for us all.
Hugs
Chelle xxxx
Damn! I was planning to milk my common cold for at least a week. There goes that plan!
I think some people surprise themselves when they have to endure real adversity – and some, well, don’t.
Have a great day.
EG xxx
Bronwen, did you not read the words, or see the story? Cash versus leg, arm, forearm. Good on him for making the money to pay for his rehab. Stop being jealous of other peoples misfortune.
Have we as a society become so competitive and materialistic that we scorn those who have a story to tell about courage and determination in the face of adversity??
If it was Roberta Willams selling her story (AGAIN) I could understand your skeptism, but life goes on and people still need to live and pay for the right.
Linda
A great post Craig, thanks.
I watched the story as well Craig, and I remarked to my wife that he must have read or spoken to Craig Harper. Because his attitude is exactly what you talk about here.
An inspirational story of courage and hope.
We can train ourselves not to rebel against accountability. We do not become victims. We take action by doing rather than lamenting. We can become more conscious of the ways we place ourselves in the role of victim. Stuck in a rut, the comfort of familiar negativity, of blaming the world, is far less risky than trying something new. Working on improving ourselves is scary, but necessary. We work on it. We practice, practice, practice.
Eric.
“Attention-seeking, self-indulgent sooks who wouldn’t know real pain if it slapped them over their precious heads.”
Gee, Craig, don’t hold back on our account!
But you’re so right .. it’s all in the attitude. And I choose to be the light in the light, thank you very much.
And to Bronwen: I disagree. This guy has lost his current livelihood and money is an issue to all of us living in modern western society .. sorry, but we kinda need it to live. If the media is wanting to tell his story, and he’s happy to share it, why on earth WOULDN’T he choose to also earn some money in the process?? Rehab and a change in his life can’t come cheap, I wouldn’t think. I do have an issue with people profiting from having done the WRONG thing in this way, but someone like Paul? No way. If the demand is there, let him profit away!
Cheers,
Suz (Sydney)
I saw the story too and immediately thought (as mentioned above by other readers) that Paul's story exemplifies the sort of courage, determination, focus & a million other traits that you teach, Craig here at craig.com. I loved his line when the reporter suggested to him that it would be okay for him to show some weakness. He simply answered 'not in my job'. I know he was talking specifically about his army/navy background, but I think his toughness is a personal choice and definetely an inspiration to all.
Profitability?? Well good on him – at least he got a little remuneration for the suffering which he has endured with patience and strength. I hope he also writes a book, so that more people can share & learn from his exceptional ability to live his life to the fullest.
Cheers,
Mon
PS Craig, would love to get to Andrew Jobling's workshop – if only the Harperdome was a little closer to home (Brissy) I'd go. Does he have a website? I'll 'google' him & see. Thanks.
Been following your blog for a while but never posted before. This topic hit a nerve with me.
On your point about being a victim. As children, our strings are being pulled constantly. At the time, it is basically necessary (this does not include abusive behavior). This is because we are incapable of making big decisions ourselves. As adults, many of us still carry a lot of left-over habits from our childhoods. This sets us up as easy victims now. Getting out of our victim traps involves developing new habits. We learn healthy habits the same way we learn unhealthy ones,through practice. Note: first we have to get out of the abusive and/or controlling situation(s) we are in.
Thanks Craig ().
That makes two of us Katu
Thanks for this post Craig.
What an amazing guy! Even the fact that he’s walking round with his prosthetic leg only 3 months after the attack is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. He does have a fantastic attitude – which he had right from the beginning I think – he said right after the attack that he wants to go back to diving.
Geez Bronwen get a life and stop criticising. I can’t believe you read that kickass post by Craig ["We can find the good or we can inhabit the bad (as many do)"] and the first thing that came into your head was to ‘inhabit the bad’ and make a negative comment….
Although 60 Minutes might not be your ‘cup of tea’ it does have a huge audience and Paul may just have taught some of those viewers about what is important in life – a positive attitude.
Hi Bronwen – I tend to agree with the others in that, if a network is prepared to pay for his story an he is prepared to sell it then nobody is twisting anyone’s arm and there’s nothing unethical or immoral about the arrangement – BUT – I do respect your thoughts and if we all had the same opinions what a boring and predictable world it would be!
Cheers ( )
And I appreciate you Patricia – hugs ( )
Just a week EG?
Thanks for your thoughts Linda ( )
And cheers to you Tezza
Thanks for dropping by Eric
You’re right Suz; I really need to say what I think ( )
Cheers Mon ( )
Thanks for coming out of the shadows Nic125 and thanks for sharing your considered thoughts ( )
http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=811444
Here's a link to the video of the story for anyone you missed it (like I did).
I admire Paul's attitude & courage. What an amazing man.
Thanks Melissa ( )
You’re welcome Tania ( )
Thanks for the link, Melissa .. I didn’t see the story, so just watched it while having lunch. Yep, totally awesome. I liked watching him learning to drive again and loved the “Bite Me” t-shirt he proudly wore. What a legend. Now there’s a man who truly knows the meaning of “suck it up”.
What an amazing man. I think having a strong mental & competitive attitude certainly has helped him. Don't think anything could stop him. Loved his t-shirt 'Bite me'.
( )
Jacqui
Craig – another brilliant article. Thank you for highlighting the inspirational qualities of Paul de Gelder.
Bronwen – the old adage “think twice – post once” would be appropriate in your case. You are on your own in your opinion.
Gunna Hilton
I knew you would feature this amazing man in your blog – I saw the video this afternoon and then thought “Craig has definitely got something written about him!”.
What can be said about that man? He is so innately gorgeous on the inside as well as the outside. Just like “No Limbs, No Worries” Nick Vujicic.
Their eyes and their energy are incredible!
I only wish more people had that refreshing lack of ego and sense of humour about themselves.
As Oscar Wilde so eloquently put it “Life is too important to take seriously”. These men show how to live it and live it well.
Cheers,
Emma
Hi again,
Thanks Melissa for posting the link. WOW!!! He is incredibly gutsy and courageous. What an inspiration.
I work for a neuro physio and see people who have had serious car accidents, battling MS, recovering from strokes etc and it never ceases to amaze me how incredible human spirit and strength can be. Well done Paul, you will be “reporting for duty” in no time at all with that determination.
THanks for sharing that Craig
Hugs
Chelle xxx
Cheers Jacqui ( )
“These men show how to live it and live it well.”
Yes they do Emma ( )
Hey Craig, just catching up here. Reading this post made me think (as I often do) about Nick Vujicic who would have to be the most inspirational person I have ever heard of. (I see Emma already mentioned him.) Since I first heard of him a couple of years ago, I’ve been patiently waiting for him to announce a gathering here in Melbourne. He’s the number one person I want to meet… and hug !
In the meantime, here’s one for you {{HUG}}
Tina
Hi Tina – yep, Nick’s an amazing person who continues to inspire people across the globe ( )
While I was watching it I thought to myself….Craig would love this story!