If you’ve come expecting a life-changing personal development lesson or some thought-provoking philosophy and psychology today, then you best come back tomorrow. Today won’t be that day. If you’re easily offended or a little precious, you’ll definitely wanna come back tomorrow.
Okay, I know I’m always dispensing advice… but today I may need some help. From you. Who said I can’t ask for help? What ego?
The Hairy Daughter
So my business partner Mikey has hit the road for two weeks of R and R with his good lady Holly and their gorgeous daughter Jessie. Being a big family trip with infant in tow, there was plenty to pack and a bunch of holiday stuff to squee
ze in the cases, but the one thing he didn’t take was his other daughter; the hairy one. The one with four legs and mildly offensive breath. The one that chases balls and sticks. The one they left at my house! Her name is Marly, she’s a Golden Retriever, she’s three and she craps her own body-weight every day. That’s gotta be some kind of international canine shitting record right? Let’s just say that I won’t be lying on my front lawn anytime soon.
Instant Hair
Yep, yesterday Craig the blogger became Craig the dog-sitter. My friends don’t think I’ll cope. They may be right. They think I’m a little too focused, busy and obsessive about my clean house to manage the mobile hair-shedding machine for a fortnight. You know those hairy rugs that our parents had in the seventies? She’s like one of those. A malting version. With feet. When I take a look around my house right now I’d swear she’s lost half of her hair since yesterday morning but then when I look at her, she’s hairier than ever. Where does it all come from? She should be frickin’ bald by now. So should I clean it all up each day, or wait till she goes home and then vacuum and fumigate the whole joint? What’s the protocol with this stuff?
Dog Poo Central
In the last thirty six hours Marly and I have taken three trips to the special off-lead dog park. A.K.A. Dog Poo Central. It’s a frickin’ fecal mine field. Walk at your own peril. Lucky I can levitate and teleport. Those workshops have been handy after all. Yes, pet ownership is indeed a time and energy consuming commitment. And periodically stinky. I have also just learned that dogs can get depressed. I didn’t know that. Well perhaps I hadn’t really considered it. Yesterday morning her big hairy bottom lip was hanging out. She knew that her nasty human parents had left her behind. I didn’t know that dogs could 
actually look so sad. Neither did I realise how much a dog could reduce my productivity and creative output. How could I possibly blog while she stares at me with those gigantic brown sad eyes, her stupid stick in her mouth and that ‘please give me some love’ look on her annoyingly cute face? I hate it how she does that. I guess the next two weeks will be a steep learning curve for me.
The snapshot so far…
1. I now smell like a dog.
2. At 4:05 this morning Marly came into my bedroom and put her head on my face. Apparently, dog-speak for “I need a wee”.
3. At 4:06 this morning we shared a group wee on the garden bed. I think we bonded. She out-lasted me. For a moment I felt like I was in the mountains. Only for a moment. Too much info?
4. Every time I get in the car, she comes with me. Is that bad?
5. She follows me everywhere. This morning we showered. Well, I showered she watched. Poor thing.
6. I may be falling in love. Who said I have commitment issues?
7. Sometimes she lies on my foot while I’m working. I like it. I’m pathetic aren’t I?
And my questions for you dog people (so to speak)…
1. How do I get over the guilt thing when she looks at me like that (when I’m working)? I told her I’m writing about her, she wasn’t impressed. She doesn’t care. She just wants me to throw her stupid stick or lie on the floor with her. Apparently the blogosphere doesn’t rate highly with Golden Retrievers.
2. Do all dogs spread water for a hundred metre radius when they drink?
3. How can they (dogs) go from flat out (running like a maniac) to sleeping in sixty seconds? That’s quite the skill.
4. Is there a special breed of non-shitting dog that I don’t know about? Why can’t dogs be more like cats; discreet, a little private, borderline snobby even? Just with the toilet business anyway. Any dog hair removal tips?
5.
To be honest, any advice will be most welcome. Wish me luck.
I’ll keep you posted on my progress.
Er, our progress.
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{ 55 comments… read them below or add one }
Craig,
congratulations for you both, that you try, to live (and work) together for two weeks.
I think, this might be a great challenge at first for you, but you will seen, in the long run, the advantages by far outgrow the disadvantages.
Just imagine, how glad the dog is, when you just left her alone for some minutes. Do you know of any human beeing, who could be so glad?
And what is about jogging? Who could be a better jogging-partner than a dog???
Perhaps some of my pictures from my icelandicsheepdog Snoerre might motivate you.
Best wishes from Germany,
Joerg and Snoerre
There is no bad wether for this dog:
http://team-success.de/blog/2006-02-06/das-richtige-wetter-fuer-einen-islandhund/
… and no bad companion, even if it is a cat:
http://team-success.de/blog/2006-09-20/und-sie-vertragen-sich-doch-hund-und-katze/
Awww Craig,
you are a good friend to take on Marly! Your house and garden will recover eventually lol.
Seriously, you will do fine and will miss her when she goes back home. (consider getting your own??)
I don’t have a dog so I am somewhat useless as far as information, but I have a feeling she may wrap you around her little err paw! I think for all your alpha male warrior toughness, you are just a big softie! (that’s a good thing lol) (Or I could be full of it hehe!!)
Enjoy her while she is there!
Hugs to you both
Michelle
Hi Craig – welcome to my world!
in answer to your questions;
1. You’ve got two options. One is you can explain to her that she doesn’t always rate number one on the priority list and that she’ll just have to wait. You can even tell her to ‘make manners her watchword in everything she does” (five bucks to the person who can tell what book I just quoted) OR you can just tell her to suck it up, deal with it and get on with what you’re doing. Once finished, give her a doggy treat to make up for your crime against doggy nature.
2. Yep.
3. Cos they can. I am envious.
4. Nope. Cats are creature who have spent many years of evolution just perfecting the far away look in their eyes whilst pooping. Dogs however are more concerned with having fun and therefore don’t mind dumping a load whenever they please.
5. Vacuum. Frequently. Vacuum the dog if she will put up with it. If not, just vacuum the rug. Or pull up your carpet and go with polished floorboards. Then you need to sweep.
Cheers!
Annie
Dear Mr Harper
We have a Golden Retriever too. His name is Buddy. Yes, I know dogs get depressed, when Buddy’s friend Ben died he was depressed. Ben was a Mastiff x Great Dane-so you can imagine the size of those turds. Actually, Buddy is with his other family. This is the family with young children who would look after him when we were away and now they cant/wont give him back. I am an irresponsible dog owner, when my dog would crap somewhere on the walk, I would walk off like I didnt know who the dog belonged to. Then there was a notice in the local community watch about owners not cleaning up after their dogs and it was submitted by my best friend. As far as the hair goes, in summer I get Buddy buzzed off at a No.2. The mobile dog groomer comes around and takes all that horrible fur with them. Golden’s are sensitive dogs and you need to talk nice to them. They like other dogs especially their own kind.
Enjoy the days!
Hi Craig,
I came across your blog the other day after a link from idealbodies online and started reading some of your other articles both serious and not so serious and was thoroughly entertained and educated! Great Work
Now pet hair – I have a cat and what i find works fantastically to get hair of fabric is to get a latex glove (the disposable kind) and rub over furniture etc in one direction – the friction created by the latex picks up the hair and you can usually get it into a mass that can be picked up or vaccumed. Easy peasy. Good Luck
Cheers Ingrid
Awhhh!
That’s very funny, but I’m telling you you’ll miss that hairy dog when she’s gone! And be nice because they do get v sad when they’ve been left without their owners! Make the most of having something that’s willing to lie on your feet and give you total adoration. Make the most of having her and ditch the work for a while and go off for a big huge walk on a beach somewhere and throw a stick millions of times and forget about everything else! Dogs are so great, some day I’m going to have a big huge one. Definitely!!
Good luck with the dog sitting, and as to the whole toilet thing, just dont feed her any thing crazy like beetroot soup as I did once to colourful effect…
Elly
Hi Craig,
Not related to the post & you probably already know this guy but if not check out his video. Think I will get his book.
http://www.thinkofanelephant.com/Default.asp?page=1
Fran
Hey Craig !
Good luck ! Haven’t had dogs in a long time now because we got to the point in our lives where we wanted to be able to “do our own thing” and not need to have a dogsitter. We had a boxer and a German shepherd, and when the shepherd had to be put down (her hips gave up on her) the boxer was extremely depressed for a very long time. She used to do laps around the fence line with her nose to the ground, and every so often she would stop, then throw her head back so far that her front legs lifted off the ground, and howl like a coyote. Yep… severely depressed… poor ol’ Sheba… she really missed Rani. As for the moulting… ours were outside dogs, but Rani used to lose so much hair that the grooves in the pattern paving clogged up with it and I used to have to vacuum the damned concrete !!! Like I said… good luck… and have fun with Marly.
{{HUGS}} Tina
Yep we have a retriever too, her name is Spirit, she is nearly nine, I love her but the shedding is still driving me nuts even after all this time. It collects together in balls then rolls under furniture so just when you think the floor is sparkling you turn around and it has blown back out again. This happens in front of the guest who does not care for inside pets. I realize you are deeply fond of her but you do need to keep on with your life. If you do the walk thing every day (ha we are a bit haphazard on that!) feed her she will be yours for life. Hope your ball throwing arm is warmed up. Also be aware your heart will be broken when you have to give her back.(Also remember that you are looking after a dog who is past the first 2 years of chewing and biting anything they can reach, puppies are hard work if you are considering that course of action, but well worth the effort). Andyx
Craig Honey, take the poor dog for a reeeeeeally long walk every day that you can. When she’s tired, she’ll sleep instead of bothering you. Just let her stay with you when she’s sleeping.
Getting enough exercise can work miracles for behavioural problems–doggie and human alike. Besides, exercise is what you do, right?! And, maybe you’re not supposed to be working so hard for a little while. Apparently, in the States, guys use dogs to meet girls. (I don’t think it’s the same here in Canada.) So, perhaps your life will change in a big way while Marly is with you.?!? 
And, I agree with the others, you will miss her when she’s gone.
Awww, thanks Craig, you made me smile!
xox
Dear Craig,
Q1: You are doing the right thing here….but always remember…Craig – guilt is not in your vocabulary! Do not feel guilty! She needs to know you need to do your thing.
Q2. Yep
Q3. Just because they do….dontchya love it?
Q4. Hmmm….not sure what breeds…but yes there are dogs who are pretty fussy on where they crap! Just like humans I guess – depends on how they are trained!
5. It's coming into summer – malting time – a regular gentle brush each day? Could be very theraputic Craig!
Just going through a property settlement & just a couple of weeks ago I was required to 'hand over' one of my best friends. But I did not know this until after he was gone. Thought my life was busy before – but now that I have no one to put out in the morning, walk, feed, talk to and run with, my life has suddenly filled with more business!
Have stopped exercising outdoors because it has been no fun doing it alone. I miss my Lou very much. Never thought I'd miss a dog!
So thanks Craig – even through this post – you have me realising that I need to do something about this to ensure that I get some sort of fitness back into my life!…and to move forward!
Have a fabulous day & look deeper into those beatiful eyes….she may be a bessing in disguise!
Kathryn
You are in love!
Get yourself a Dyson and hide your shoes. They also suffer from separation anxiety. You may find your shoes, or your washing, a little the worse for wear when you arrive home from work!! Good luck.
Thanks Michelle… ( )
Hey Craig,
We have not one but two gorgeous golden retrievers! Lucy is 3 and Meg is 2 1/2. So double the hair and double the poo!! A regular brush seems to help with the shedding, although at this time of year nothing really seems to help much. As for the poo situation, my four kids are rostered on for ‘poo duty’ every couple of days, this works for me and I’d be happy to lend them to you if you ask nicely…lol My hairy girls also LOVE a walk/swim at the beach. Stick retireving is loads of fun when you have to swim for it! They are exhausted afterwards and will sleep for hours… If you get stuck you can always bring Marly for a ‘playdate’ with Lucy and Meg, they’d love it!!
Have fun!!
(( )) for you and Marly.
Amanda B
Thanks for the advice Annie ( )
Hi Anon
they are sensitive aren’t they?
Thanks for sharing.
Cheers
Hi Ingrid!
Now THAT is some sound advice.
Thanks..
( )
Hi Elly
You’re right; they are therapeutic.
And yes, I’ll avoide the beetroot(?) soup!
( )
Too funny!!
Wait till you have kids!
Kat
Thanks Fran…
( )
Tina… are you trying to depress me? LOL
( )
Thanks for your thoughts and advice Andy ( )
“Craig Honey” – I feel special karenv
Thanks for sharing..
( )
Happy to make you smile Linda.. ( )
Hi Kathryn – great advice and thoughts – thanks ( )
Hi Amanda B – Lucy, Meg and Marly play date… rolls right off the tongue doesn’t it??!!
( )
I wish I had a dog (but not now as I’m just renting a small unit), and I wish I had your problems!
Enjoy your time with Marly as much as possible and consider yourself a very lucky bloke! I’m envious!
Sorry no help at all…
Doglover
Hey Joerg – thanks for sharing and dropping by all the way from Germany…
Nice dog~!
Cheers
Hi doglover… yep, I’m having lots of fun.
Cheers
Hey Craig,
Sounds like fun and just like having kids!! My 4 year old frequently plays the piano about 3 feet behind me as I read your posts, talks constantly, asks for food or even wets his pants (he’s getting over the last one), so I can relate to the dog thing ! Today he is ‘painting’ the walls with a dry paint roller, as I type.
Great thing is, like dogs, they also give you lots of love…
Enjoy your canine visitor – she sounds beautiful.
Hope you and Marly have a great day – give her a pat from us !
Cheers,
Monica
I couldnt think of anything worse. I prefer cats.
Oh… and kids are way easier.
cheers
; )
Heh heh heh. Great, fun blog, Craig. I’m biased though being a huge dog fan. My thoughts on your questions…
1. She’s not really tortured, she just uses that face to get what she wants and it has worked before so she keeps doing it. She’ll be happy just being with you. Talk to her or pat her, use a firm voice and stay the alpha dog. You determine when her walks are! (Dogs are pack animals – don’t let her ever think she’s alpha!)
2. Yes. Allow her to teach you that mess is ok. Let it go, go with it. One day you might have to mind a child and that would be wayyy messier.
3. They live in the present. Another great lesson from Dogs.
4. Cats poo like women, secretly with a touch of shame. Ok truly, us women don’t actually poo. Dogs poo like men, with fanfare, pride and not a hint of secrecy or shame.
5. Best way to get dog hair off carpet is to put on your sneakers and scuff the carpet with your feet. This will make big clumps that can be easily removed. Vaccuums usually won’t pick up the thin layer that coats carpet. Plus you get a bit of a workout. (Ok this is where my cross over as fitness trainer and dog lover is obvious)
Good luck, Craig. Keep focusing on what Marly can teach you.
I just gave her a pat from you Monica, she woofed thanks.
( )
You’re in the minority Friday… but that’s okay!
( )
Toughen up Harper. Don’t you go soft on me. Its only a dog.
Hi dogfan
Great comment – lots of wisdom and insight – thanks
( )
Hello Anon 3.
You’re right, I’ve gone soft.
Okay, I’m off to beat the dog and show her who’s in charge.
Perhaps Mr. Harper, Marley has come into your life at this moment for a very important reason.
Maybe she’s training you for things to come? Not used to sharing your precious alone time or house with someone huh??? I’m sure Marly’ll help you get over that!!! Real quick!!! hehehehe Isn’t it funny that she’s a girl too!!!!
Lessons come in all shapes and sizes. Embrace what she has to teach you, perhaps she is a mirror? Does she reflect to you what you are feeling yourself? Do you find that you clean up a lot of crap in your life??? hehehe… not just from the dog!! It bothers you though… so perhaps something in that as well!!!
Any way… enough of this! Don’t forget… she’s still a baby… You set the rules…
And… don’t forget to have loads of fun!!!
KK
XXXXXXXXX
aw cute! To get rid of dog hair its a nightmare! But I have tried a damp sponge and wipe over the area seems to come off… good luck….. bet you miss her when she goes back home though?!She sounds gorgeous.
Trace ()x
(devoted animal lover)
GR’s are wonderful. Keep her occupied by throwing a handful of little nibbles out on your back lawn just at random as far as you can and she will have hours of entertainment trying to find them. Little dog treats are the best. Yes they moult twice a year , first six months and second. You can get one ofthose rake looking combs from the pet shop and you will probably fill a small cushion with the undercoat fur as well. But they look great afterwards. Kim (New to your site)
Hi KK
Why does everyone think I need lessons from a dog?
Must be something in that?
xx
Hi Trace – she’s verrrrrrry cute.
And hairy.
Like one of the Nun’s that taught me in grade four.
( )
Hi New Kim!
Good to meet you.
Are you serious about the moulting thing? And thanks for correcting my spelling from the article – I thought it looked wrong..
Thanks for the tips.
Your first Craig Hug ( )
I just left my dog Buffy to my brother in law for three weeks while I was on holiday. This is what he emailed me while I was away:
Hi kids hope all is good, it would seem Buffy is only interested in teaching me about love rather than me taking her for a walk.
you see I was under the impression that I needed to take her for a walk but your dog was under the impression that I should love her. And I learnt today that she loves a walk although prefers love. It works out she is helping me through my stuff than anything else that could be happening in the world. bloody dog out smarting me like that, happy jan but not happy jan. lol love me spike and BUFFY
cheerio
Miss Jojo xx
Hi Craig, i’m a newbie to ur website…and love it. I think its great that u offer all this info to us via emails etc, and for free!!..thanks heaps
Q1. Too bad feel quilty, when my 2 darlings come into me when I’m studying and on the laptop they make me feel so quilty, but with a few pats and I tell them “later” they soon get sick of waiting for me and do what they do best, sleep!
Q2. No, not whippets!! never, they’re just to neat!
Q3. Yeah I reckon its their 7 years to our 1, that fast hard lifestyle has gotta make u tired.
Q4. Call me bias but whippets are definately neater at pooing than other doggy breeds, plus it (their poo) is far less smelly as well!!
Q5. I use the cheaper rolls of contact for large areas such as the car seats and the scotch lint roller for pet hair on my clothes. But I will be trying the latex glove trick for sure! thnaks for that tip!
Regards
Kath
…Jeannie n Lilly send their licks too
Dogs suck at deception. They are totally open about what they are thinking and feeling at any point in time. Their mission in life is to give unconditional love. Where else can you find someone who is apologetic when YOU step on THEIR foot?
Enjoy the fact that you can talk to her and get a reaction without her having any opinion of her own – you’re not likely to get that from any other woman in your life!
The latex glove tip works pretty well for hair. Another trick you can try for the doggy smell is to rub bicarb of soda into her coat, then brush it out. Do this (outside) once a week and she won’t smell, and will have a lovely shiny coat.
When my dog died I thought about doing the puppy-walking for the blind dogs. Unfortunately you have to hand them back after a year, and I think that would break my heart. You have no idea how much you are going to miss her!
Hi Craig, loved todays post. I don’t have much advice but please share anything you find out, I have my own problems here in the shape of a kelpie/german shepard cross. I waited 12 years to get a dog after my poodle (yes poodle) died and this one was to sleep outside and it was only really for Amy. Hmmm. She sleeps on the floor of my room and rarely ever goes outside! She is a loyal companion and to be honest, most days I think I would rather spend time with our Ruby then with people! Is that sad??
Thanks again for the post Craig, keep us updated.
Love Joanne.
PS I finally made double figures with a 2.1 kilo loss in a week.
97.9 kilos now!!!
Hi Craig,
I totally understand your love-sickness for Marly. After being dog-less for 4 months when my last old girl passed on, I dog-sat for my friends 2 golden retreivers for 1 weekend. I couldn’t stand coming home to an empty house afterwards and made the decision to adopt my new girl before the lonelyness led to depression. This led me to a whole new lifestyle and I even teach puppy school now thanks to those lessons learnt the hard way with my very challenging puppy.
I hope these answers to your questions help. I can’t wait to hear more about your adventures with Marly
1-With only 2 weeks to work with you won’t get over the guilty eyes. Try keeping her busy outside while you work. A nice big raw bone from the butcher will do th trick. If you can get hold of a kong toy you can fill it with all sorts of goodies which will take her hours to lick out (google ‘kong recipes’ for inspiration), try freezing a big block of water with treats inside it(use a margarine or ice cream size container if you can find something suitable)she’ll lick or find ways to get to the treats that will probably keep her busy for ages while it melts. This should buy you some time to work in peace.
2-Not all dogs, but the big slobbery dogs are the most lovable. Leave the water outside during the day and try putting an old towel on the floor when you have the bowl inside at night.
3-I have no idea, just one more thing to love about them I guess
4-Only the stuffed kind. But if she’s creating that much poo it’s probably poor quality dog food. Premium food is not that much more expensive, much better nutritionally and leaves much less waste in the garden (I have done numerous experiments on this and the theory continues to stand). But being a loaner, a diet change is not your decision to make so you might just need to live with this bit.
5- In my experience, golden retreiver hair is about as hard to remove as it comes, due to the length and layers of their coat. Unfortuately the colour also makes it highly visible too. I won’t lie to you Craig, it is going to take a long time to remove that hair after a 2 week visit. Your best bet is to get hold of a vacuum with a power or turbo head (Dyson are probably the best, but i have a Miele which does a good job too). If you ask your pet owning friends you are likely to find somebody who can lend you one for a big clean up when Marly finally goes home. Till then, wear old clothes, cover your best furniture and just let it go for now. Life is too short to be worried about a bit of dog hair. You will miss her heaps when she’s gone and the hair will be an everlasting momento of her visit!
Enjoy your time together
PS- if you haven’t come across it before a must-read book is ‘Marley and Me’ by John Grogan. You will never forget the story and you will definately cry….a lot!
Hi Newbie Kath,
(and Jeannie and Lilly)
Nice to meet you and thanks for the advice!
Your first Craig hug ( )
Hi geekgirlau – you’re right; I’m gonna miss her..
Thanks for the bicarb of soda trick! She won’t turn green will she??
( )
Hi Joanne – 97.9!!!! You’re rockin!!
Well done – keep going.. ( )
Hi Sarah – thanks for your thoughtful advice and suggestions.
I actually have ‘Marley and Me’ but haven’t read it!
I’ll check it out… ( )
Thanks for dropping by
Hahahaha… Im with Kath. Go the whippets. I own a whippet!! Still… I prefer my cat!
; )
That was quite amusing for I used to have a few dogs in my lifetime. I love them!
Thanks for sharing your sense of humor and giving me a few laughing fits.