Before we get under way…
Hi Kids. Three things before I unpack today’s instalment:
1. To all you awesome people who keep asking after Mary (my mum), she’s going great thanks. She’s home, she’s getting about like a teenager (okay, a slow teenager), she’ll be back lifting weights at the gym in two weeks and she’s bossing Ron around like never before. It seems there’s been a shift in the balance of power at the Harper household. I’m not sure how long the current dynamic will last, but I’m sure Mary will surf that wave for all it’s worth.
2. Hey Melbournians, don’t forget that I will be at Goodlife Health Club in Wantirna this Wednesday (Sept. 23) at 7pm giving my ‘Renovate Your Body’ presentation. If you’d like to come along or you’d like some more information, click on this link and scroll down the page a little. I hope to see some of you there. 
3. If you’re feeling a little presh, you may wanna come back tomorrow. Today’s post is not your typical feel-good, hand-holding, back-rubbing laugh fest. Then again, you might need to hear it.
A trip to nowhere in particular
Imagine that you’re going on a long trip in your car. Naturally you make sure the vehicle is full of petrol (gas) and you check the tyres, oil and water. You clean the windscreen so that your vision is not obstructed in any way. You’ve already packed a kit with some food and drinks so that you’ll have enough energy to stay focused on your considerable journey. Before you take off you sit in the driveway for a moment and do your normal pre-trip check. As you always do. You put on some appropriate cruising music, adjust your sunglasses, take a peek at your highly-desirable self in the mirror, flick on the AC and you’re set. Your click on your belt and you’re good to go. Gold. You pull out into the traffic, paying close attention to all the road rules; you’re a stickler for rules. Before long you find yourself out on the highway, you flick on the cruise control, take your foot off the gas and you’re set. “This baby pretty much drives itself”, you say to yourself. With the car now on automatic pilot, it’s like you don’t even have to think. You like not thinking.
About some things anyway.
Although everything seems to be working as it should, something’s bothering you but you’re not sure exactly what it is. While the car ‘drives itself’, you quickly do a mental check. Let’s see; the motor has just been serviced, the tyre pressures are fine, the music is just right, the new sat nav gizmo is in perfect working order, the tank is full, you’re wearing your comfy driving gear (comfort is paramount), you’ve cleared the rest of your schedule just for this trip and the ambient temperature is perfectly set for optimal driver alertness. You know this because you googled “optimal in-car driving temperature” just before you left.
You’re nothing, if not organised.
You drive a little further and then you realise what’s bothering you; you don’t actually know where you’re going. Yep, despite your attention to detail, it seems you’ve organised everything except a destination. Hmmm. What to do. Well, the car’s running beautifully, it’s full of gas and you’re comfortable, so why would you put yourself under extra pressure by having to come up with a destination? You wouldn’t. Being a big believer in fate and destiny, you figure that the destination and purpose of the trip will somehow ‘present itself’ to you if you just drive. Of course it will. You momentarily look at your new sat nav mounted on the dash and it seems somewhat redundant; not much value without an address to punch into it. “At least it was on sale” you tell yourself, searching for a positive. You adjust yourself in your seat, re-check the AC setting and just then the phone rings. The caller ID tells you that it’s your buddy Craig. Of course you have hands free, so you answer the call.
“Hey Craig, what are you up to?”
“Doing a little work at home, you?”
“I’m just heading off on a trip.”
“Cool, where are you off to?”
“Dunno.”
“You don’t know? Who goes on a trip with no destination?”
“Don’t they say that life is all about the journey and not the destination?”
“Er, let’s not misinterpret one of my fave sayings shall we? I don’t think that any journey will be particularly meaningful or enjoyable if it’s devoid of direction, focus, purpose or goals.”
“S’pose.”
“Of course the journey is where we grow, learn and become and a better version of us, but show me a person who has no clarity or certainty about where they’re going and what they want to do, be and create in their world, and I’ll show you a miserable, frustrated and unfulfilled individual.”
Deep down you know he’s just described your life. He’s not talking about any car trip. You hate that. You want to tell him to f**k off.
You deal with this realisation by telling yourself that Craig is a tool sometimes and you get off the phone as quickly as possible. You mumble a few disparaging remarks about him, turn off your phone to avoid further unwanted interruptions and turn up the music. You discover that when the music is loud enough, it almost drowns out the fear and self doubt. You love distractions. Nonetheless, something gnaws at your gut. As always, you do your best to ignore it and you keep driving. A little faster now. To nowhere in particular. You’ve become at expert at ignoring your inner intelligence. Years of practice will do that for you.
Some time later you pull into a petrol (gas) station for a bathroom stop and some coffee. You sit down at a table by the window and grab yourself a newspaper to catch up with the news of the day. You’re tired. Exhausted in fact. You’re not even sure how long you’ve been on the road, the miles have been a blur. You hold the paper in your hand and for a moment, you have trouble focusing. You look at the date to make sure it’s today’s. You squint to see the fine print; your eyes aren’t what they once were. For a moment you think it says September, 2019. You laugh to yourself, place the paper back on the table and rub your tired eyes. You pick up the paper again, this time your eyes are focused and you can read the print clearly.
September, 2019.
You’re perplexed. You wonder how the editors and proof readers can miss such an obvious mistake. For some reason, you have a horrible feeling; a strange mix of panic and confusion. For a moment you put your head in your hands and close your eyes. “This is ridiculous” you say audibly. The woman at the next table looks up from her scrambled eggs. She is not impressed. You walk to the counter to pick up a different paper. You look for the date.
September, 2019.
“F**k.”
You are overcome with nausea. Anxiety takes control of your body and you struggle to stay upright. You stumble back to your table in a daze. “It’s impossible” you tell yourself. You look out the window to where you parked your car and something has happened. It’s old. Really old. It’s in a state of total disrepair. Panels rusted, tyres half deflated, dents, scratches, faded paint. It looks like shit. You wonder where your pride and joy has gone. For a moment you adjust your focus back to the inside of the window and you become aware of its reflective properties. You nervously position yourself so that you can see your face in the reflection. Your stomach sinks. You are an older version of you. You look exhausted and sad. A lone tear rolls down your cheek.
You lift your head and look out the window and down the street. The pain isn’t over. “It can’t be” you say audibly. The scrambled egg woman looks over. You don’t care any more. The source of your distress is your location; you are sitting in the petrol station at the end of your street.
You’ve gone nowhere.
Epilogue
I know that this message will not be well received by everyone. That’s okay; it’s not meant to be. Feel free to ignore it. I also know it will make some of you uncomfortable. Good. Perhaps you need that. Maybe you need to ask why it makes you uncomfortable. Sometimes what we need to hear is not what we want to hear. Personal growth comes at a cost but only some people are prepared to do the work and pay the price; take a look around you. You’re either absolutely serious about, and committed to, creating your best life – or you’re not. It’s as simple as that. Of course you can rationalise and explain what you have or haven’t done, or you can do and be different, from today. From now.
Today I don’t care about your comfort but I do care about you. I care about your growth. Your potential. Your possibilities. Your future. And your happiness over the long term. Today I’m not interested in entertaining you, making you laugh or making you feel good for ten minutes; I’m interested in interrupting your pattern. You know the one. If this message is for you (and you’ll know if it is), then today I want you to do something more than simply read another article on a computer screen.
Grasshoppers, be wary of people who always tell you what you want to hear; they usually have an agenda and you won’t grow by being around them. They’ll make you feel good in the short term but hold you back over the long term. While you need to be encouraged and supported (and I will always do that), you also need to be challenged. I won’t water down my lessons to win votes and I won’t be a people pleaser. While the above story is not particularly uplifting, it is insightful, honest, relevant (for many of us) and potentially life-changing if you allow it to be. It is a reflection of many lives; of people who fail to gain clarity and certainty about what they want for their life. Of people who never take action. Of people who continue to waste their potential. Of people who live a life at odds with their core values. Of people who always do today what they did yesterday, because change scares them. And of people who have been driving in circles for years only to wake up one day and find themselves sitting in the petrol station at the end of their street.
Ciao xx
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How many more times can I see the big message board that says – enough – Take Action.
Thanks for your sign Craig – always at the right time – funny how that works.
Jeff
I was clear on what I wanted life to be then it fell apart. I’ll stick with the miserable for now until I’M ready to change. And If I don’t that’s fine that’s my choice.
Hi Craig,
Geez Louise it gives me the creeps when you write a post about what I happen to be thinking about.
Tonight I was pondering the Whitlams’ song ‘Melbourne’ which says: “If I had three lives I’d marry her in two” and it made me think about the different roads we take and if we had three, which would we choose and how different would they be?
I have no shortage of clarity and certainty on my current road. My future is as unerringly straight and narrow as any corporate business plan. But if I had three roads, it would be just one. The other two choices would be vastly different (and different, again, from each other). They would be miles apart.
How does one reconcile this? Unless there’s a parallel universe (or a couple) that no-one has told me about, we all get one life and one road.
Yes, and I know I’m a spoiled brat. If I were worried about where my next meal was coming from or how to buy medicine for my children, I wouldn’t be wistfully looking down the road less travelled.
Thanks for the story. You always take us from the concrete to the abstract and back again.
Christina xxx
Well, this is some cold shower after a hot bath, Craig.
But let us not yield to panic!
After all, what worth is a destination, if you do not enjoy the ride?
Hey Craig !
Great to hear that Mary is doing so well. All my very best to her for her continuing recovery. Commiserations to Ron, but hey…. he’ll get used to it !! Hehehe…
Still bummed that we won’t be able to make it on Wednesday, living so close by and all that, but it probably wouldn’t be the right thing to do to sacrifice our PT session just to sit around and listen to you… *wink, wink*
{{HUG}}
Tina
Yes I’m uncomfortable. And that’s okay.
My question is, what if you pick a destination but keep changing your mind? For example, I’ve already made 2 major career changes, but I still haven’t found the one that makes me happy – now I don’t know what career to try next. Is this considered productive driving?
You have described quite well what the first 38 years of my life was like. I was a people pleaser and was on automatic control most of the time so that I did not have to feel the pain from my childhood of incest abuse. At 38, I got into several 12-Step programs that helped me wake up to what my life had become and these programs finally gave me a direction.
Even in these programs, I daily saw people who said they were working their programs but who were really still on automatic control and staying stuck in their pain. It is easy to get stuck in blaming others for how your life is going. As long as you are blaming others, you still haven’t taken control of your own life.
Recently I have found myself back on automatic control where my body is concerned. I woke up over a year ago and started looking at my health problems. I am overweight and a diabetic. My A1C tests say that my blood sugar is good to great even with the extra weight that I am carrying.
Because of an earlier article of yours last month or maybe early in September, as well as my yearly physical and those test results, I have decided it is time to wake up and take control back of my body. This article is very timely for me.
If I lived in Australia, I would somehow find the money to sign up in one of your gyms. Instead I am going to start using my exercise machines here in my own home while I look for a gym that I can afford to join and feel comfortable in. I will turn 58 in December so I need a place that isn’t all 20-year-olds with great looking bodies.
Well, by voicing this here on your blog, I have finally made the committment, that I have been playing with, out loud, in front of others. I think that I will now go to my own blog and say the same thing and make myself accountable to others who are following my journey.
Thanks, Craig
Patricia from Arkansas, USA
Also known as Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker
I always remember the words of Lil Scrappy. “I didn’t want to grow up to be a Zero”.
“When the student is ready; the teacher appears”. I don’t remember where this quote came from – Very appropriate though.
Thanks Craig.
Regards,
Debbie
Hey Craigo,
Great post … kinda ‘ouchies’ though. Yep that was a message for me, I didn’t want to hear it, but I did need to hear it.
In the last day (or so) I have been challenged like never before. Never, ever, ever before. Last night I was asked what I wanted from my life – I honestly didn’t know what to say. I struggled to come up with an answer.
I don’t want to ‘wake up’ in a minute and be 40, in the same place in my life, still dicking around with shit, still making excuses, still feeling out of my depth. I don’t want to waste any more time – I think I’ve wasted enough.
Ready? Set? Go!
Thanks for the wake-up call, Craig.
Em
( ) x
- Righto, I’m off for a beach run (yeah, baby!) – gots to make the most of this gift of a body!!!
G’day Craig
Do you know a good mechanic? I think my carby’s stuffed.
The car goes OK for a while and then chugs to a halt. I can see the destination on the GPS, but it never quite comes into sight.
Sure the car’s getting on a bit, but it still runs pretty well but it has these days and weeks where it just grinds to a halt.
I think I’ve put some diesel in the tank recently, and I KNOW that it usually takes petrol, but every now and again I just have to see what’ll happen if I try diesel. I already know. It breaks the carby; and here I am on the side of the road again.
I had some great destinations when I started the journey this year. Even reached one (New job). It’s a great place, but lotsa new people to know and new sights to see.
The next destination though seems to be at the top of Everest and I’m not sure I’m going to make it in this station-wagon that I’m driving at the moment.
Know anyone who’s selling a 4WD cheap. I think I need a 4WD!
Everest doesn’t look all that steep and high when you look at it from a distance, and now that I’m closer, I have my doubts.
Perhaps you can recommend a good helicopter service?
Great post Craig and sometimes you ask great questions and have great perspectives, but sometimes, some of us have dicky carby’s and need to get the workshop manual out , yet again and find out why we keep putting diesel into it.
Perhaps even just cleaning the windscreen so that I can see better would be a good start.
Hope this wasn’t overly laced with meaningless analogies, but YOU started it.
Thanks for raising the difficult subjects. It all helps in the long run.
Alan
Hmmmmmmmmm.
Thought I was coming back for more happy joy joy fuzzies like the image of the surfie taxi driver, I liked him….
But instead you showed me images of …. myself.
I don’t like those images so much Craig.
I don’t like having a mirror put in front of my face.
I look back to 1999 and I was fit, young, vibrant, spiritual, in love and determined to become a naturopath.
Ten years later I’m overweight, middle aged, dull, lacking in spirituality, still in love but taking it for granted and procrastinating over ever unit I need to complete to become a naturopath.
So, in essence, I’m sitting at the petrol station at the end of the street.
Well done Craig. Best article yet.
Hi Craig. Yep, definitely a message for me too. Although I’m actively working at pushing myself forward and addressing exactly that at present – my destination.
I had an epiphany the other night. I realised that when I’m all set and ready to move forward into unchartered waters (yep, Cap’n Suzannabean Genevieve Pistol still lives!), I either don’t know how .. or where .. or there’s fear of some form there. So what do I do? I gain a few kilos to give myself an immediate goal that I know how to deal with. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t WANT to be a little tubbier, but it somehow seems to be my comfort zone.
I’m in the thick of this one right now, so clearly I haven’t kicked it once and for all. But new understanding is the first step, right? So off I go again, ready to get myself to “elite martial artist lean” and at the same time, discover what that next destination is .. even ultimate destination. So that when I’m ready to start on that journey, the clarity will cancel out the fear.
Thanks, Craig. You really are tuned into us .. or maybe it’s just that we all face the same universal issues, no matter our circumstances.
Suz
xx
PS. Won silver in kumite in the Female Instructor Division at the State Titles on Sunday. Also silver in team kata and silver in team kumite. Best part was fighting a girl who had just won silver in the Female Open Division (the top level) and coming away with a draw! Great experience when I had no expectations whatsoever.
Craig, I don’t have many favourite people. Actually, until this morning I only had one. After today’s topic I now have two. I don’t like things being sugar coated. I like the “tell it like it is” attitude.
Ronnie
( i was going to add more but it came out spounding like cr@p so will leave it at that)
I loved it…I’ve been thinking this for awhile now about my own life direction. Your story has just reinforced for me that it’s time to check the map, make sure I know where I’m going and have some idea of how I’m going to get there. I project myself into the future and it scares me that I’ll be still doing what I’m doing now.
cheers Kate
I had that exact feeling once, 8 years ago. I was looking in the mirror and seeing my future. That’s when I decided to tell my husband I wanted a divorce.
And although the pace at which the journey is travelled may seem slow and full of challenges, keep going – take and give encouragement when you can, embrace your discomfort, rest and be revitalised when ever you need to and always keep the destination in mind, giving it bright full colours, so that it is clear and visible.
Also – don’t forget to make adjustments to your course, when and as required.. They’ll definetely be needed, when the unexpected happens, as it most surely will..
But don’t give up! You’ll get there.
No-one’s journey is without challenge and discomfort, but the thing I love about this blog is that it gives us all an avenue to pull together and also to share and give encouragment along the way.
Thanks Craig – keep the reminders coming. I love them.
Am glad to hear that Mary is on her feet and coping well. Warm hugs to her, as she continues to return to glowing good health.
Mon ( )
Sorry me again – Craig, I just saw your 9am interview with the people from Wheeling Sports – wow, talk about not giving up. Amazing. Glad I caught it.
cheers,
Mon
Dear Craig,
Well that’s the kick up the proverbial I needed.
To paraphrase Colin Hay – I have been “waiting for my real life to begin”. Time to get going. NOW!!
Look in the mirror and want a divorce???? I’m sorry but i’m really out of kilter with understanding this blog entry Craig this time around.
One issue I have not agreed with is the ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ line of living life. I think, and this is just me others I would not tell what to do, but there are some things one is not ready to do. And if for example I am not ready to get married, drive a car, go to the USA, lose weight then i’m not, it is that simple and if I am 80 and regret it – well you show me one person, aside from probably the Zen Taxi driver, who will not regret something they didn’t do on earth.
Just my view it is not a put down of anyone I just find the double standards humans have annoying. You can’t do it all and have it all, that myth is so damaging and there are things that just will not be done, no amount of ‘oh you will regret it in 5 years’ as true as your blogs are, and wise I add, that will motivate a person to do something.
Sorry I must be grumpy today, you did say the blog will challenge so maybe that’s a good thing
Hi Craig,
Firstly, so glad to hear the great news about Mary. What an amazingly strong woman!
Like so many of the replies to today’s post I’m feeling a little lost too. I THOUGHT I knew where I was heading and was travelling along just fine until about a month ago when I hit a brick wall.
I’ve steadily been losing weight and getting fitter since RYL, but a month ago I realised that I still felt exactly the same as I did before I started the process. I look in the mirror and I see the same person I was in May even though logically I know I’ve lost weight because I’ve had to buy new clothes and people I haven’t seen for a while make comments about the fact that apparently I look great. Why can’t I see that?
I had an amazing chat with Dee at the weekend and she challenged my thinking in terms of what I actually want to achieve and why. When she asked me that question I really didn’t have an answer and it’s made me re-think if losing weight and being “x” kgs is actually my destination, or is wanting to be “x”kgs just a detour to where I actually want to go? So many questions and I’m not sure where to find the answers. Some major research needs to be done!
Cap’n Suzannabean Genevieve Pistol – congrats on the Silver(s), very valuable treasure you’ve got there!
Take care
Nell xxx
Hello Boys and Girls. I just got back from doing a live television interview for channel Ten (I did the interviewing) with a bloke who became a paraplegic eight years ago (Jason Sleep); great bloke, great sense of humour and great attitude – as is often the case with people who have endured great adversity..
Anyhoozle, thanks for sharing all your thoughts, ideas and stories – I knew there would be a response to this post. I’m not done with this topic as I know there are still some questions to be answered…
Feel free to respond to questions from other commentors if you think you have something of value to share with the rest of us. I have less time to respond individually these days but I do read every comment.
This section of the site is an open forum and I certainly don’t have a monopoly on answers or advice.
See you later… x
Wow Craig. This was quite a blog. I confess that I like it. Now. I might not have liked it so much in September 2007 when the car was catapulting down the street out of control with the driver distracted and without a destination. Now I have a workout schedule, monthly goals, yearly goals, and a little of things I want to do before I can’t do them anymore. I’ve got a destination with lots of waypoints along the journey. But your blog helped reinforce the point that there’s no “done” in this weight loss/healthy eating/getting fit journey — there’s just a continuous effort to do better, more, new. To challenge myself to continue to improve myself. Because I’m DEFINITELY better at 48 than I was at 38. And I want 58 to be smokin!
Frankie, can totally relate to your comment – it was imagining my future that made me realise that I wasting it with my (now ex) husband. Not a snap decision, by a long shot, but finally a conscious acceptance and readiness to do what my gut (and feelings) had been telling me for a long time.
Michael, with regards the “feel the fear and do it anyway”, for me it’s not saying that simply if something scares you, you should do it. Oh, no. It’s about when you either WANT something or KNOW that it’s right, but it scares the bejesus out of you .. that it’s the FEAR that’s holding you back .. THAT’S when you should feel it, appreciate it, laugh at it if you can, and do it anyway. That’s miles away from forcing yourself to do things that you don’t really want or you know you’re not ready for.
Nell, it’s quite a journey, isn’t it? One in the external world and another (even bigger) one inside ourselves. Try not to only think in terms of your body being bigger or smaller and do your feelings actually match what people tell you. Take a step back and give yourself an honest appraisal. Look at the journey – at what you’ve achieved. You have set yourself a plan and gone forward to carry it out. You have shown determination, dedication and consistency. You have done what most won’t. Realise that .. and that because of it, you actually have the ability to go forth to achieve ANY goal you set yourself. You have the skills as well as the knowledge. And the mettle in your soul. You’ve done so well. Allow yourself to be proud of what you’ve done. Realise how much better you feel than if you hadn’t changed a thing since RYL. Keep it light, keep it fun. And like my advice to Cap’n Christina, enjoy your new digs!
Sparkrunner – smokin’ indeed!
Suz
Suza, congratulations on kicking butt! You rock!
Remind me never to piss you off
Hi Craig, yes well I am heading to death that is envitable… I surpose it wouldnt hurt for me to have a one on one coaching session as it all is going to fast and to he honest I want to make sure I hit and enjoy all i want to .
Suz, congratuluations…. on the silver that is great..
Cdn friend & Kate – thanks heaps! It’s just so much fun .. and is actually a very supportive, friendly and inspiring environment, as bizarre as that may sound given that we’re engaged in fist to fist (and foot to head, at times) combat! But the higher the grades, the more humble and giving the person. It’s a really beautiful thing. I even had the winner of the Female Open happily giving me pointers on what my strengths were and how to take my fighting to the next level .. and she didn’t know me from a bar of soap!
And don’t worry, Cdn friend .. I’m very gentle. Mostly.
Would be kinda funny if I found myself a man that decided to try to engage in a bit of domestic violence. He may get a bit more than he bargained for! 
~
WOW Craig, you really know how to make a person think!
I have never been one for “goal setting” as such. I was married at 21, kids early on and the drive just seemed to motor on, for ever revolving around my family and the day to day stuff that comes with that responsability.
How ever over the last year or so I have taken some time to deal with me. I have found that the kids no longer need to be “spoon fed” so much. I have and are still dealing with the weight issue but have found a new person emerging from layers of fat….. I like this new person, she is stronger than I realised, has more drive than I every thought possible and is now developing a confidence that only exisited when I was younger.
My dilemma is now I want to set goals and are truly looking forward and not behind but are unsure how to go about it.
I read everyones posts and am inspired by there ability to plan and work towards those plans, but when I look deep within I just get confused as to why we feel the need to have to have everything so well documented in our lives.
Is it OK to move through your life being happy with what you have in the now?
I’m happy with the now my favorite saying at the moment is “Life’s great”, am I, are we allowed to be happy with that?
Do we put to much pressure on ourselves to always be better when we really are doing well in the first place?
Just a thought
Sue
P.S It is your web page that has made me become the person that is now breaking free and has the ability to now ask these questions.
“Thankyou” Hugs ((()))
Hi Sue from Melbourne,
I am replying to your commnet,’cos I quite relate to some of the things you said.
First, I think that it is unreal that you are happy and content!!
Sounds like you’ve already reached some very important personal goals and yep, you should definetely celebrate that!
I just thought that maybe you are doing what I used to (and didn’t even know I was doing it !!). I can’t recall the title of Craig’s blog entry that did it for me – but it was one about ‘pigeon holing’ yourself. If you can find it in Craig’s archives, have a read.
Of course, if you’re totally happy with everything then perhaps this won’t be of any interest, but I did find it qutie amazing to discover that I was actually – pigeon holing, myself. You know – living ‘assigned’ roles, according to societal or maybe family /friends expectations etc….rather than anything I had set for myself and never really ‘unlocking’ or using my own talents and abilities (to their full extent). Once you start to see yourself as a person with huge untapped potential (as everyboyd is !) you may ‘discover’ that there are a few more goals that you would like to reach after all and ….that it could be fun and exciting to do.
Having goals also gives me personally a strong sense of purpose, too- more than I had without them.
Anywho….sorry if I’ve raved on….but hope my comment was at least a little helpful..
Congrats on becoming such a driven and confident person. Go girlfriend!
Mon ( )
PS sorry, I’ll go, but was just thinking that isn’t it funny how we (mothers) don’t think twice about dreaming and desiring things for our kids to do and achieve, yet we sometimes don’t approach our own goals with the same optimism and hope? Okay, I’lll stop thinking.now ( for a llittle while ?!). Better go…..take care.
Wow Mr Miyagi – talk about a tsunami to the brain – puts dreams, desires and adventure into perspective like never before.
I would tell you that you are gifted but that may make you bigger and scarier than you already are so lets just say – all credit to Mary
Cheryl
Suza. Yes, mine was a gut decision also and I’d thought about it for a LONG time. But it was just that little moment of clarity that snapped me into action (best thing I eve did too).
Thanks Suza for your posting, made me feel a bit better
There’ a movie in that story.
HI all,
It is so wonderful to hear everyones situation and feel that u r not alone in feeling this way and there are alot of people who feel the same. Craig I love your posts, same “when the student is ready the teacher appears!” No sugar coating is great cause it only makes u fat and gives u diabetes
My problem is feeling that reading everyones replies all I can see is people with no one to answer to other than themselves, they have or can have control of what, when, where and how. I know we all have this option, I feel mine is far from it as I do have the role and resposibility of being MUM to 4 beautiful but tiring babies.
Being mum is not a bad thing, but feeling that is all I am and all I will be, is. I have always had dreams of chasing the happy – what I really want in life and do it for me, but many see it as being choosy maybe even too picky. I do believe u should not be lumbered with something that does not make u happy, so find what really does even if u don’t know what that is. Then why aren’t I doing that – because of society’s way of thinking. Deep down I feel I CAN HAVE IT ALL, family, career and a fullfilling life – but how to put me first when so many rely on MUM. How to change the balance of power and enjoy what is your ONLY audition and lead role in this play called LIFE!
If only we were allowed multiples of life lines – parelling our own all with our different choices and decisions, seeing where they lead and how they affected us. I know my 3 lives would be far different from the one I live now, but would they be as rich. Children do enrich your life for the better (if u keep your eyes open long enough to see them).
I do not have regrets as yet because I am still alive to do it all – regrets are only dreams u were too scared to make real or didn’t take the time too. I still have many years ahead of me, so I haven’t given up, but just have to give in to me
Love to all
Mum
(Danni)
P.s Alan love love love your post – funny how we can still get warm and fuzzies from a straight to the point post from the Man himself!
So what you are saying Danni is i’m not accountable because I do not have children! No, no, no and no. Having a child is something some humans, namely me, are not meant to do in this lifetime. To assume by our replies we have no one to be accountable is not true. Check out Craig’s posts on his views on him being single and childless, it is not a crime last time I checked.
Love it, Loved it with a passion, just what I needed to hear.
F*cken Loved It!!!!!
Love Mel
Hi Danni,
In regards to your post it appears you have choosen what you wish to direct your resouces and time to… and that is a family.. unfortunately we do NOT get three chances at life nor do we get 3 x resources and time and hence… why we need to choose our priorities.. its like the fat lady with a career… no time no time she cries but yet she has time to eat…
In regards to the problem having no one to be accountable to I am 33 single no children (by choice at this stage) and yet I have 2 bosses I am accountable to,a 30 ppl gym class, my consiences, society, my bills, my friends, my team … So I really do not understand nor get your point.. If I am tired my TEAM at work pays big time so I dont do it, If I add a KILO my team at the GYM pays.. so you see I am probably if anything more accountable but yet DONT have peopel dependant UPON me as they live interdependance…
But I surpose like anything I have recently really had to weigh up if I am going to be a mum or not as I hate to to state the obvious but although you can have the good body, career, kids and relationship I do not believe you can HAVE the GREAT – 9-5 CEO career, KIDS (with a relationship), high quality relationship and great body as something has to give…I know I find it difficult to balance mediocre body, job, 2nd job, my immediate family.. so for me
HAVING IT ALL IS LIVING MY BLISS, and that honey is NOT dicatated by SOCIETY any more..I GET MORE FROM TEACHING A GYM CLASS THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD.
Thanks for sharing.
Cheers
Kate
Danni, I’m a mum too – so I know how easy it is to lose yourself. It’s tiring – really tiring. I always say when I’m done work that I’m starting my second shift when I go home. And after the day is over I get an hour before bed to work on my dreams and my goals – no tv for me. I need to continually and consciously make time to remember who I am. Danni, you are more than a mum, but with 4 children of course you are stretched and tired. But you will find a time where you will be able to take a breath and remember the parts of yourself that you’ve set aside. Maybe not now, but when the wee ones get a bit older. HUGS
Michelle
And you CAN have many wonderful things in life. It’s not easy but well worth the effort.
You deserve it
Danni, I think any particular demographic, group or person can validly justify areas of their life that make it tough for them. Personally, I can’t imagine having the responsibility of children 24/7. But like Kate and Michael, I can relate to having lots of other people and things in my life that I’m accountable to and for.
But the truth is, if we are sitting in a warm, safe home reading this on the internet with our basic needs taken care of, then we are in the very extreme and lucky minority in this world. We lead a privileged existence, and I’m sure many not so lucky would argue that it is our DUTY to make the most of the opportunities we have been given.
I think the key is not to see our choices (current or past) or our environment as barriers or roadblocks to us achieving what we want .. they are things that we should accept, embrace and work WITH to achieve those other goals. Along the lines of what Kate said about not really being able to have a great EVERYTHING, I believe in that old saying that you can have ANYTHING you desire, but you may have to give up everything else to have it. We need to decide what it is we want and how much we want it.
Suz
The answer is that there is no answer, as always.
There is no standard for happiness, no magic formula.
You are happy when you succeed in finding joy in the little you have.
It is as simple as that.
People having ‘everything’ can be unhappy because they do not have this ability.
Thanks to Team Craig – a motivating, uplifting and enlightening talk at GoodLife gym in Wantirna tonight….if you ever get a chance attend one of his talks – from one who enjoyed and attended.