* Note: this article won’t be relevant for every reader. For those of you who have followed through on your New Year’s resolutions and done amazing things, you may want to check back in tomorrow. For some of you it will be a timely poke in the ribs, for others it will be reality check and for many it will be an opportunity to stop, step back and take stock of where you are at in relation to where you planned to be at this stage of the year.
Q. So guess what today is?
A. It’s the last day of the first half of the year.
Yep, we’re officially half way through 2008.
Shit!
If you’re like many people, then exactly six months ago you were all pumped about the new year that lay ahead of you and all the amazing things you were about to do, create and achieve in your soon-to-be-very-different life. Yep… 2008; the year of change. Re-invention. Resolution. Revolution. The new you.
Apparently.
Your reality was about to take an incredible turn for the better; different habits, different mindset, different behaviours, different relationships and of course, different outcomes. You were excited and expectant about all the amazing things that were about to happen in your world because apparently January 1 is the day that we all become incredibly different.
You would have done it earlier but as we all know New Year’s Day is a much better day to change your life than say… December 16. And as for November 22, you wouldn’t even consider that. Not only is November 22 a stupid date to change but last year it fell on a Thursday… and we all understand that nobody changes their life by starting something on a Thursday. Monday is the official start day for change. That’s the rule.
Ask anybody.
Sure, you had made similar resolutions before but this time it was gonna be different. You said so.
No, really.
So like the multitudes of would-be-life-transformers, you waited for the life-changing day to arrive; January 1, 2008.
The official change day.
And like every other year, New Year’s day came and went. And for a little while you were different. Well, actually you were the same. You acted different(ly) for a few weeks (days perhaps) but inside you hadn’t really changed at all. Your behaviour was temporarily different but you were the same. You went through the motions as you’ve done many times before (simulated transformation) and then just like you always do, you found a reason to stop. Again. A very legitimate-sounding reason of course. You’re good at that. As soon as the excitement and emotion of the new year died down, so too did your new-found mindset and behaviours.
So here we are, half way through another year and for some of us it’s time to suck it up and ask ourselves a few honest questions. Here’s are a few I’ve asked myself over the years and the answers I came up with.
Q. What have I learned about creating genuine (forever) change since January 1?
A. Creating positive change in my life has nothing to do with a date on a calendar and everything to do with me. My attitude, my determination, my honesty, my self-assessment, my discipline, my ability to deal with adversity and discomfort and my preparedness to do what needs to be done day in, day out. Even on Thursdays. Even when I’m tired. Even when it ain’t fun. Even when it’s not easy. Or convenient.
Q. What have I learned about New Year’s resolutions?
A. For the majority, they don’t lead to long-term behavioural change. They don’t work.
Q. What has stopped me from achieving what I set out to at the start of the year?
A. Me.
Q. What else have I learned?
A. I can’t rely on motivation to get me there; it’s a temporary emotional state. Passion is great but it needs to be wrapped around a fail-safe, non-negotiable plan.
Q. And?
A. I’m better off doing a few things well, rather than twenty things poorly.
So, I’ve got three questions for you:
1. What have you learned since January 1?
2. What are you going to do differently in the second half of this year?
3. How will you ensure that your answer to question two becomes a reality rather than just another intention?
Let me know your answers by clicking on the comment thingy…. or just say hi and share your thoughts.
And enjoy 2008… part two.
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Craig !
What I have learned since 1st January: No matter how much I beg, cajole, persuade, bribe and nag, my husband is NOT going to stop eating junk and start exercising more than once a week when we go to PT.
What I am going to do differently this second half of the year: Give up begging, cajoling, persuading, bribing and nagging, and start praying !
How I will ensure this becomes a reality: By checking my blood pressure regularly and taking note of how much less stressed I am when I stop begging, cajoling, persuading, bribing and nagging !
I’m finally beginning to accept the fact that I can’t change his ways… he needs to do that for himself. I don’t like it, but it’s not doing me any good so I guess I’ll just have to take care of me… and pray for him !!!
{HUGS}
Tina
Hello my expensive friend, Craig.
1. Since January 1 I learned that I can be happy without alcohol (even happier), I remembered how awesome is to do workout in the gym, I began to get up early, I began to work (this is the way I learned to get up early:). My self-esteem become high. I become more conscious, so my decisions became more smarter…and so on. Increadible changes after first half of the year. You, Craig and Steve (stevepavlina.com) who made all this changes reality, love you both.
2. In the next half of the year I become much more productive. Also I go to university, even more, improve my relationships, at last, but not least, earn more money.
I don’t make intensions. I make decisions. Invest in yourself and you can be different human being in just six months, my own genuine experience.
Good luck and Love you, achievers,
Saulius
I loved the non-negotiable thing, so I picked one goal – to walk every day, no matter what. Non-negotiable, even when it’s raining (that’s what umbrellas were invented for).
What I’ve learned is that A: when you make this an every-day thing, it becomes a habit, and when you don’t do it, you feel really bad. So I have missed two days, and both times I walked twice the day after.
and B: once my head said ‘non-negotiable’, the rest of me stopped arguing and making excuses.
Now I just have to choose another non-neg to add for Jul-Dec. After your piece on stress, it might have to be meditation!
Hi Craig
1. What have you learned since January 1?
That the only thing limiting myself is … myself!
2. What are you going to do differently in the second half of this year?
In the first half of the year I starting studying via correspondance, and joined the gym … two biggies. For the second half I am planning the move to the North Island, so I am closer to the uni I want to attend in 2010.
3. How will you ensure that your answer to question two becomes a reality rather than just another intention?
There’s no doubts or inventions, it’s a definite one. It’s scary (I think my partner is freaking more than me), but it will be such a positive change towards the life that we want. Can’t wait!
Aaaah Tina – why don’t you work on you and let your hubby work on himself – he’s a big boy isn’t he?
Historically nagging hasn’t proven to be a particulary effective ‘change strategy’!
Your nagging may create an outcome you didn’t plan on!
You keep praying and let him be the author of his own destiny..
If he asks for your help, that’s a different story..
( )
Hi Saulius…
How does the man who provides the world with a FREE resource get labelled expensive? LOL
It sounds like your making some great progress Saulius – good for you Man. Keep up the great work.
Manhug ( )
Good work Sherryl… ( )
Go Sus!
Sounds like you’re on track – good for you.
Uni?!
Wow! Congrats.
( )
Hi Craig & all above,
I empathsize with Tina (above) but have read your advice, Craig & will try to take that on board for myself & my hubby, who also hasn’t made the changes he needs to.
Anyhow – yep, dates on calenders don’t matter. Personal decisions & committment to change do. Reading craig’s blog also helps – thanks Craig.
I have made lots of changes – and am enjoying them all. Regular gym work, wholesome food & little or no alcohol. I didn’t start on Jan 1 – but I did start.
Perhaps for the next half of the year I should work on being courageous. I’m not. Even saying here that I’m not, is scary. I regularly write articles for magazines, only the magazine editors haven’t received them yet, because I haven’t sent them !! I will though – I think. Not sure what my internal conflict is there – perhaps I should write an article about it…….
love & hugs,
M
It’s my new year’s resolution not to make one so this year started off like any other. However at the last minute I decided to take on the challenge of returning to study after 27 years.
What have I learned?
To follow my heart and believe in the dreams and visions I have for the future and not listen to the negative self talk that tells me otherwise.
What will I do differently?
Stop making excuses as to why I can’t do things (eg. I haven’t got time to study, I’m too tired) and to stop living by my feelings.
How do I ensure the above becomes a reality?
Set myself a study schedule and make it a non-negotiable behaviour.
Thanks Craig for the the continued movitation, shove with love and the opportunity to be accountable.
( )
Hey Craig
Learning since January 1 – that I am stronger than I thought! Consistency is the key – there are times when you fall down the verge of the road, but you work your way back onto that track and keep moving forward!
i have also lerant that i let myself down and get in my own way with my self talk and the stories I allow myself to write and play out. They are not helpful!
What to do differently? Write up my non-negotiables and label them as such. continue to fight those battles in my head until the amazing side wins.
How will that happen? Taking the extra time to stop and consider. REaching into the toolbag I have to change the thoughts or let them go. Acknowledging that is the way I need to operate to create the amazing life I want. Perhaps sharing the journey with someone for that element of accountability too – stepping up and facing it as uncomfortable as it is!
Thanks for the kick!!!!!
Hiya Craig,
Here are my answers for you;
1. What have you learned since January 1?
Two things actually – firstly, that the best intentions without any action are always going to be intentions. So stop with the intentions and start with the action! Secondly – no matter how many times you fall off the wagon, clamber right back on it. Wallowing won’t gt you anywhere.
2. What are you going to do differently in the second half of this year?
Take less head first dives off the wagon!! All those face plants into the mud might improve my tenacity but does nothing for my end goal.
3. How will you ensure that your answer to question two becomes a reality rather than just another intention?
Bu making the actions to achieve my goals 100% non negotiatable! Even if I have a scheduling mishap, then I make taime for my exercise later in the day. There is a reason why my gym is open late and I won’t die if I miss an episode of Neighbours.
Cheers!
Hi Craig,
Well, yes I am one of those “I am going to lose weight from Jan 1″ people. In past years, if I made it to February I though I had done well. This time, however it is (so far) different and unfortunately having to wait till 19th Jan for the Weight Watcher meeting to commence after Christmas, I joined with a determination I didn’t realise I possessed. (amazing what a diabetes scare will do!) 5 months into my WW journey and I am 20kg lighter, feeling great, have a new job, my cholesterol has gone down and the diabetes issue has eased a little. Basically, I know that I am doing this for me but I don’t want to let my kids down or my extended family or even you Craig. (that might seem strange but you have, through here invested time in me and even answered a few personal emails when you are sooooo busy, which I thank you for and has meant so much to me)
For the second half of the year. I am going to keep going as I am with the weight loss and up my exercise, I have come too far to quit now (and diabetes positively terrifies me as at the moment I can do somethiong about it.)
I am determined to succeed at this and I know it is a life long journey but I have come too far to stuff it up now.
Thanks so much Craig.
Michelle
I made a news years resolution to stay out of the gym. So far Ive kept it, only another 1/2 year to go. Cheers, Vin.
I gave up smoking on 14 october 2004 and it was a Thursday at 6 pm I had my last one and I always believed that rule about Monday mornings being the start of anything – if you really want something the day and time don’t matter
Hi M – why don’t you send me an article to look at?
Go you~~!!
Hugs…
You’re welcome ptprincess – good work by you… ( )
Hi Anon – well done and you’re welcome…
Cheers.
Good work Annalise….
Neighbours? Really? LOL.
( )
Hi Michelle – 20 KILOS!!!
THAT’S AWESOME. CONGRATS AND HUGS FROM ME.
Keep it up and keep me (us) posted.
( )
Hi Anon 2 – so it CAN be done on a Thursday!!!
Cheers and thanks for sharing…
1: What I’ve learned.
Blogging isn’t a job, unless you have something that you can talk about for years and years to come. Sometimes, it’s better to just shut up, _do_ what you know, and talk about it later.
2: What I’m doing differently this second half of the year.
Do things, instead of talk about them. Instead of posting a bunch of hypothesis and using thought experiments, create the hypothesis, do a real, honest experiment, _then_ post the results (good or bad).
3: Set aside 30 minutes each day, and 2 hours each Saturday… Don’t just say I’ll have 30 minutes, but actually schedule that time, and set my alarm for it. In a month, revisit and revise.
Q.What has stopped me from achieving what I set out to at the start of the year?
A. Me.
Is it true that this happens even to you? Coz it certainly happens to me and if you say it happens to you too, I’ll feel kind of relieved
, and start working again with renewed enthusiasm. 