Hi Guys. Hope you enjoyed your weekend and I hope you’re sliding into Christmas with grace, calm and an element of… cool. I thought today might be a good time to stop, be still and reflect on what I’ve learned, re-learned and had re-enforced over the past twelve months here on Planet Craig. Once you’ve read my post, I would love you to share some of what you’ve learned this year. Just as you (hopefully) learn from me, I (and a few thousand others) would love to learn something from you. We’re all teachers if we choose to be.
On with the show….
1. Live in the now. While it’s nice to reflect on the past (sometimes) and it’s important to plan for the future (to a point) , I’ll never live in either place. Now more than ever, I understand the futility and potential danger of wasting precious time and emotional energy on things over which I have zero control. Namely, the past and much of what will happen in the future. I am constantly learning to love the now, to be in the moment and to have a greater level of consciousness, awareness and gratitude for what I have and where I am in this moment. Some people are so stressed about, and preoccupied with, the future – and angry and bitter about the past – that they never allow themselves to appreciate or enjoy the now. Pity. It’s quite a nice place.
2. Things only have the meaning I give them. It’s true; I create my own reality. And so do you. My reality being what happens in that place between my ears. While the good stuff, the bad stuff and the in-between stuff will continue to happen to me and around me, I will continue to choose how I interpret, how I process and how I react to the various situations, circumstances, happenings and events of my world. For the most part hard or easy, problem or opportunity, catastrophe or challenge, major drama or life-changing lesson is about how I interpret the events of my world (the meaning I give them) and my subsequent choices and behaviours.
3. We’re all flawed… and that’s okay. I hate the perfection obsession. It’s destructive, painful and largely commercially driven. But then maybe I say that because I’m so flawed. 
While I’m always asking questions, learning new things, setting goals and exploring my potential, I’m also acutely aware of my overall level of dysfunction. I call it being human. I know you thought I was perfect, so I’m sorry to disappoint you. Fortunately for me, I’m happily dysfunctional. Comfortably weird. Our culture’s obsession with perfection has much to answer for but ultimately we put that unnecessary pressure on ourselves. Or we don’t. Aiming for improvement is healthy. Aiming for perfection is destructive because (1) it’s unachievable and (2) it leads to frustration, desperation, misery and poor(er) self-esteem. The sooner we stop idolising the rich, the surgically enhanced, the famous and the air-brushed, the better. Now before you inundate me with hate mail… no, not all surgically-enhanced, rich, famous, air-brushed people are miserable. But then, I don’t really know. And yes, it’s possible to be simultaneously flawed and deliriously happy and content. That, I do know. 
4. The theory (of transformation) ain’t the reality. Knowing what to do and doing what we know are very different things. The amount of educated, talented and informed people who consistently fail to apply what they know – and therefore under-achieve - never ceases to amaze me. As a coach, exercise scientist, presenter, author and motivator, I am constantly looking for new ways to improve my skills, my understanding of human behaviour and of course, the type of results I produce with my clients, readers, audiences. This year has taught me that some people simply don’t want to pay the price of change. They are infatuated with the ‘idea of transformation’ and the ‘theory of personal development’ but they just won’t do the work. Many of them talk a great game but sadly, it ends there. They have an aversion to sweat, discomfort, effort and sacrifice. And as a result, they have an aversion to growth, positive change and success.
5. Life is to be treasured. I know, I know, I shouldn’t need to re-learn this lesson but my mum’s battle with bowel cancer late this year gave me no option but to re-learn it once again. When we step away from the day-to-day distractions, minor problems and fluff, we have so much to celebrate, yet the good stuff (life, health, family, friends) so often gets over-looked, if not, forgotten completely. Mum, this year I will not only celebrate but treasure my Christmas day with you. And Ronnie of course.
6. There is one universal goal – happiness – but no single path. The key to life is not knowing what we want (we all want the same thing – happiness) but rather, knowing where we’ll find it. Some people think they’ll find it in a leaner body. Or a reputation. A qualification. A car. A bank balance. An ashram. A church. A synagogue. A career. A relationship. Some will. Some won’t. And some will… for a while. Happiness is elusive and obvious all at the same time. It’s a million miles away and it’s in front of our noses. Some make it complex but mostly it’s found in the simple things. Some say happiness works from the inside-out, but sadly, that’s a place many of us never look. This year I’ve re-learned that (for me) happiness is a heart thing, not a head thing. For me, the theory of happiness and the reality rarely align. For me, ticking boxes doesn’t work. Neither does the accumulation of stuff. For me it’s about flow. Instinct. Unlearning. Humility. And letting go. Typically I find it where and when I least expect it and this year I have often found it in perspective. That is, a different way (for me) of looking at the world – and me in that world.
7. It’s okay to question – and even change – my long-held beliefs. This year I have questioned many of my long-held beliefs and if I’m being completely honest, I must admit that it was often an uncomfortable process. I won’t be too specific but I will say that these beliefs were numerous and not limited to any single area of my life. It wasn’t easy for me to face the reality that perhaps some of my core beliefs were… wrong. There, I said it. Some of my beliefs were so ingrained that at times I felt guilty – or perhaps disloyal – for even considering that there may be another truth. A different way of looking at things. A better way (for me). I think it’s true that many of us arrive at a point in time when we realise that many of our existing beliefs were either handed down to us (thanks mum and dad), programmed into us or simply adopted by us just because that’s how it worked out. We also realise that it’s (some of) those very beliefs that keep us trapped in a place we don’t want to be. In reality, we often adopt the beliefs of the influential people in our world. This can be a good or bad thing, depending on what those beliefs are, why and how they came to be ours and what type of impact they currently have on our life. Just because we’ve believed something forever doesn’t mean it’s right. No, it just means we believe it’s right. It takes a lot of courage to question long-held beliefs – especially when we have opposition all around us – but sometimes it’s the most liberating, empowering and transformational thing we can do. Finding our own truth – as opposed to living somebody else’s – can indeed be profoundly life-changing. In a good way . So, choose to let go of the emotional crap, the sense of obligation (to adhere to certain beliefs) and the unnecessary guilt and discover who and what you are beyond the pressure to conform, the group-think and the weight of expectation. Do this and 2010 might just be the best year you’ve ever had.
So there you have it: a snapshot of what life has taught me in 2009. I would love to hear some of the positive lessons you’ll take away from 2009. I say ‘positive’ because I don’t really want people chiming in with such gems as “I’ve learned that all men are pigs and life’s not fair” (yes, I get them). No, today I was hoping for something a little more inspiring, uplifting and encouraging (call me crazy). Okay, start tapping those keys (even you long-term Lurkers). What I’ve learned in 2009 is….
xx
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
For me this year has been a major eye opener.
It wasnt until the renovate your life weekend and a session with ours truly did I finally look at my life in a very different way. Like many others as much as I tried to focus on the positives the negatives always overtook. It wasnt until I was asked the question ‘how happy are you with your life?’ that I truly understood how great my life is. Although I was around 95% happy with my life, it wasnt until I actually said it did it really hit home. Why had I been focusing on the 5%? Since that session my life has been even more wonderful. Nothing has fazed me, I am doing the things I thought I was never good enough to do, and I am not allowing others to bring me down (remembering people can only affect me if I let them).
So I am looking forward to 2010 and continuing the journey I am currently on. How long it lasts for, who knows, but in the meantime it is fantastic.
Hi Craig,
The biggest thing I’ve learned this year is that I’m worth putting myself first and that by doing that I can achieve whatever I want to. Some people won’t like it, but the people that love and care for me will come along for the ride.
Letting go of the past has also been a huge relief and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The turning point was being told (by yours truly) that it wasn’t that I “couldn’t” let go, it was that I “wouldn’t” let go. Can’t say that was easy to hear, but I think it was the slap that I needed, so thanks for that Craig
2009 has been a huge year for me. I’ve transformed myself physically and mentally and made some lifelong friends in the process.
Craig, I’d like to thank you and your team and everyone who comments here for your help and support. I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas/New Year. Bring on 2010!
Nell xxx
As I finished writing my comment I realised it was both unfair and inappropriate to post it in its entirity. How considerate of me! I’ve got a concise version here, and the complete version on my blog if you wanna pop over and have a read
“I learned that you might say and believe you’re ready for something, but you clearly aren’t.”
“I learned that if you jump into something on full gas, you get injured and creates issues and can end up being quite costly.”
“I learned that when you do what you need to do CONSISTENTLY, WITHOUT EMOTIONAL ATTACHEMENT, you create positive, lasting change, you look and feel amazing and you walk around and talk like you really are happy and content.”
“I learned that when you stop moving (interstate/intrastate) you actually start to develop close friendships and start to create things in your life that you love because of the people you share it with, not just the activity or thing.”
“I learned what true commitment looks, smells, tastes and feels like.”
“I learned that there are people out there who care about me and who want to see me create lasting change and become a better person.”
I’ve learned (well, maybe we should say “learning”) to go with the flow more. Usually I fight any change to plans but am slowly discovering that change can be a good thing and when things don’t work out the way you thought they were going to – they often work out better.
Wow, that’s a lot of learning right there.
For me also, 2009 was a year of revelation. I learnt some major lessons this year, but I’m just gonna mention a couple!
Self-worth: Like Nell, I learnt that I am worthy (of love, success, happiness etc etc). I am worthy of putting time into myself and that my family will actually be better off if I look after me as well!! I also learnt that having a family and having dreams and goals aren’t mutually exclusive!
Decision-making: This is a biggie. I’ve finally learnt what it’s like to make a solid, committment-driven decision. At RYL2 I committed to no longer drinking alcohol and that decision itself was a huge revelation for me. I didn’t say it because I thought it was a good thing to say, I didn’t say it because I “wished” it to be true … I said it because (sounds wanky) there was an almost cellular urge to stop drinking alcohol. Almost like my body took over. From that day, I haven’t had, or wanted, alcohol at all. Easiest thing I have ever done. And yep, you can have fun without it!
Reactions: People’s reactions to my changes/decisions are more about them, than about me. Had a bit of resistance to the above decision … Not my problem! Talk to the hand!
So that’s it. I’m looking forward to 2010, because I know it’s going to be shit-hot … because I am going to make it that way!!
Have a nice week everyone.
Em
( ) x
I have learned that some of my greatest joy comes in doing and finishing, not planning and longing.
Not something that I practice every day, but every couple of days is a great improvement in my life… and I didn’t pick a date on the calendar and start changing my life, I picked a date in the now, and whenever it is now, I try to improve. The only good the calendar is doing for me is showing me how far I’ve come.
So, knowing that dates are arbitrary ways to measure Spaceship Earth’s orbit around the sun, I look forward to the new year, and the continued growth I’ll continue to see as I live each day individually, listening to my body, especially when it tells me to get up and clean the house, or at least clean my desk.
Hey all!
I learnt how to ski, (if only to a very basic level) but can ski down a mountain from a beginners chairlift!
I did 2 triathlons this year with making improvements to my second effort to my first.
I did 10 push ups proper form in a row, – that took a bit of effort over a bit of time…………………..I learnt that persistance eventually pays off.
Talking about persistance in regard to someone other than myself I will mention that my boyfriend really wanted to embark on a major career change. He successfully did that/got new employment through applying for positions he wanted………….constantly ringing up seeing how the application process was ‘going’. He had much competition but he was determined to change his career line, did that and likes what he does now.
All the best for 2010 all!
Pip
I don’t want to bring the tone down but I don’t think it is so much a ‘lonely’ path but you talk Craig about living ‘one’s truth”.
What does that mean? Well for me it means questioning beliefs but it also mean facing that I am very different to the family, friends I had. Part of it meant I that I was seen as being uncaring. But It I questioned the long term beliefs as you did. And I copped crap for it. Misunderstood, victimised, hated, told i’m drama king (queen) whatever. Seriously, one example, I just had different boundaries when it came to friendship. I thought when I was a teen I would only then face peer pressure. I was wrong. It cost me plenty especially with Craig and Stephen, and Ross, but I could not go on pleasing them when I did not like the values and beliefs they were espousing. I just don’t want to go to that place again where I question my own sanity and judgement. When I did not, sure enough, I could not please them anyway, so that was my biggest lesson.
The sense of obligation to conform to their beliefs broke me while I was going through so much. But the truth is I don’t condemn really anyone (see CJ’s last post for her story which hit so many nerves), but I could not accept their closed mindedness towards many issues, their put downs and their insinuations that I had bi polar, which I do not. But now I bless them but I stay away because I know the buttons they push.
Oh and I also learned that although my tummy is not flatter than a washboard I can wear army shorts, speedos and lyrca – thanks CJ
Craig, I have no idea if I will post before Christmas and again I’m sorry I was so ill on your visit up here, but thank you for letting me have my say on the board. Every topic every day brought something new to think about and was spot on. Have a good new year.
Michael
Brisbane
PS also to any of the others that read my posting except Kate
*just kidding have a good one you too K
I’ve learnt that you can’t control other peoples negative behaviours , thoughts or actions, no matter how hard you want the change- even if you are so convinced it would be fantastic for them and all around them.
But I have the power over my own actions, reactions, thoughts, decisions, plans for the future, whether I spend time worrying or time enjoying my life. This is the fantastic thing about the 40’s Craig. Not giving a rats about the smaller stuff so much.
WOW, amzing really I wrote a list this morning about this year all that was ‘achieved’, where I was, am and what now needs to change to take me where I want to go.
I supose the most important thing that I know and feel so blessed for is my happiness and as you said it is a heart thing! The fact that some how despite everything it found me, which I know is a major miracle… So to sum up 2009…
a) Follow your heart
b) If you feel it you can do it
c) Believe in others, know that you are supported, have faith
d) It will al work out
e) It doesnt matter what others think nor have live your passion and stay true to you and your power
f) I cant even make myself the woman I want to be so would have no chance at changing you
g) All in good time .. not saying I like this lesson but true
h) Self obsession is also denying your abilities
j) I am truly loved
k) There is a massive power out there and there is only one line that allows for communciation… and it is a straight one:)
l) You get it once
Oh well enough reflection time.. time to move again… Oh AND also Michael – I dont care what you think about me…AS LONG AS IT IS ABOUT ME:)
Have an awesome Christmas everyone, I do hope santa is good to you…
And mostly
And thanks Tess – brillant words that’s just so me ATM.
# 5 is the most compelling one for me from this list. Death was a part of my life in 2009 and a good reminder to treasure life and every day in it. Thanks for the list Craig.
Hi to all,
What I’ve learned in 2009 is that even the challenge that shakes you to your core, hearing a very scary health diagnosis for your child, is a chance to choose despair, or hope.
Going to a renowned Childrens Hospital regularly and being in the presence of so many precious kids fighting for life has made this a sobering year.
When I hear a friend freaking out about how bad her roots are showing, or how fat her pants make her ass look, I just smile to myself with gratitude that that is their biggest issue right now.
Thanks to you Craig and all you wonderful people for the great diversion and learning opportunity I’ve found here. I hope we all consciously choose amazing for 2010.
(p.s. my son is doing better and we’re waiting for good news from the surgeon in early January.)
It takes courage to take that first step and I am worth it whatever the goal is.
I learned in 2009 that I had it all ass-about. Sure it was great to work on my own self-improvement (which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t) but I made much more progress when I focused on other peoples needs and not my own. Things happened a lot more easily and naturally and (eventually) others made sure my needs came first for them. If I chased the butterfly of happiness it always felt just out of reach, but when I turned my attention to other things it came to rest softly on my shoulder.
I learnt not to be self-absorbed by getting out there and seeing how the rest of the world lived and appreciating what I do have, not whinging about what I don’t. What do you mean it’s not all about me?!!!
When you choose your own opinions, and path or destiny or way to raise your children or religion or whatever, you stick out and some people feel threatened and try to put you back in your ‘place’. It doesn’t mean you have it wrong, it means you have it very right.
And lastly, I learned how to stick up for myself (it only took me 12 years but at least it happened). Thanks Dr Phil – I did teach people how to treat me. Now I am ‘too sensitive’ or ‘take things the wrong way’ or ‘can’t take a joke’, but my self-esteem is back in the black.
P.S To all the people who thought I couldn’t do it, your criticisms make me even more determined. And amused. Because I have remembered I am awesome. elol (evil laugh out loud)
This year I learnt what my passion is. I learnt what I needed to do for myself in my career to be true and honest with myself. I’ve been searching for years for this, but when I finally let it go, it came to me. It was a really great aha moment.
I’ve had to let alot go this year in order to grow. It hasn’t been easy – but it has been for the best and now I feel myself moving forward to some very exciting times!
Thanks Craig for all of your honesty and for always reminding me to come back down to earth and feel the ground under my feet.
I’ve finally learned to let go of things I can’t control, and to stop caring so much about things that really have no importance in the overall scheme of things.
It means some things won’t be the way I want them (like in the house I’m building) but there’s always the chance to change or fix them later. For now, I need to keep my sanity and let go of the crap.
I’m also learning to acknowledge that the rewards in my life are coming from hard work and perseverance, not luck.
And yes, also learning that I can’t change other people or make them do what I think is “right”, and if they are miserable and caught up in their own disasters, the only one who can fix it is them. That’s been really hard, but I think I have learned to stop interfering now!!!
Hi,
wow there has been loads learnt over 2009…awesome
This year, particularly the 2nd half has been difficult with my dad being in and out of hospital 6 times and been in the ICU twice, Coronary care, High dependency, Isolation and a few other wards not to mention we nearly lost him twice. I have learnt to make each day count especially with loved ones, tell them you love them often, you neve know when that chance will be gone.
I joined a gym in August and have learnt that I am fitter than I thought. Oh and I do boxing classes at the gym…wow I have learnt that I love those to the point I bought my own gloves!
I made a promise to myself that I would tackle the 1000 steps in the Dandenongs…I did it and learnt that I need to be fitter to do it…and I am going to be doing it a lot more in 2010.
I did the Mothers Day Classic 8km walk in 1hr 40 mins…very happy with that for a first effort and guess what…it is the first thing to go in the diary for 2010!!!
I also did the 2 RYL weekend programs and learnt a lot about myself….nope am not sharing it here but thanks heaps!!!
I am having a “planning for 2010″ day on the 28th of December. I am going to set in place some goals etc that I would like to have done. I am quite looking forward to it!
Thanks and hugs
Chelle xx
ps and nope not all men are pigs…only some
sorry couldn’t resist!!!
Hi Craig and all
Firstly, again Craig nothing new but re-worded and again each point just hits home again & again…great reminder thanks.
What I have learned in 2009….is that meaning doesn’t lie in things. Meaning lies in us. When we attach value to things that aren’t love — the money, the car, the house, the prestige — we are loving things that can’t love us back. We are searching for meaning in the meaningless. Money, of itself, means nothing. Material things, of themselves, mean nothing. It’s not that they’re bad. It’s that they’re nothing.
Our time on the big blue ball (as someone always says) is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s’ life and don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out our own inner voice. Most important, I’ve learnt and am constantly working on building the courage to follow my heart and intuition. They somehow already know what I truly want to become.
Life is an evolving process and I believe that happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of travelling (or journey as he always says) and I’ve learned to appreciated and always remember, where there is great love there are always miracles.
Wishing you all a great safe 2010 filled with happiness and new teachings.
Gullu
Ohhh forgot .. I also leant that Craig Harper existed… that some amazing faceless people exist, that this forum gives us much freedom of expression and what a big couageous, sook Craig is;)
Thanks Craig. I was blown away by today’s post! Very insightful and beautifully articulated.
Hmm…. I definitely transformed my attitude toward a bunch of things in 2009!
I learned that I’m ok with maintaining my weight loss, even if I’ve not yet quite reached my goal. I can be happy where I am, even with my imperfections, and if I finish the year even 1 pound less than last year, that’s progress.
I learned an enormous amount about myself training for and completing two half marathons. I learned that I can make exercise, health and ME a priority despite a crazy schedule. And I really get it that you don’t know your limitiations until you fail. I haven’t failed yet… so I’m still discovering.
And I learned that when you’re unhappy about something (job, relationship, life circumstance) you can completely reframe your attitude by digging down and finding the good or value in it, and then developing a concrete plan to move past it. Just having the plan has completely transformed my attitude… because I KNOW that I am learning something while I take the steps I need to change my reality.
Not bad for a year!
Wat I’ve learned in 2009 is to step outside of survival modem take the blinkers off, and make conscious decisions, about even the smallest things from whether or not I will wear a watch today, or use the salt and pepper shakers (woops obviously I only mean the pepper shaker) when I sit down to a meal.I finally realised that the reason I would get to the end of a very busy day exhausted and feeling cheated that I had so much to do, even if it was a day off, was because I was doing things just because I did them yesterday, last week, last year, without giving it any real thought or actually making the decision, I just did it. So as a little trick to help me remember to choose to do, or choose not to do, last time when I went perfume shopping for myself instead of just buying the same fragrance that I was wearing, I tested a lot of new ones including male colognes., and you guessed it, the one I loved was a men’s fragrance. Now I could have chosen to buy that for my husband to wear for me, but I’m choosing to do things for myself and be responsible for my actions, so I wear my new cologne with pride, and when I smell it throughout the day it reminds me that I made a decision without fear of ridicule and I try to apply that to everything that I do.
Woops, should have read that back. Should read “survival mode” but you get the drift….
Hi CJ and Craig
What I´ve learnt in 2009 is starting my own business was the right decision.
I really enjoyed reading through your articles. They filled me with knowledge and some are so heart – warming.
Thanks a lot!
Have a nice Christmas.
Looking forward to read you in 2010.
wth