The Grass Isn’t Always Greener

For those of you who missed yesterday’s update on all the news here at me-dot-com, today we are introducing a new team member; CJ. The very lovely and talented CJ (yep, a girl) will not be replacing me but rather writing on (some of) the days that I am away from the blogosphere. She will write two to four posts each month. She is not a “female version” of me; nor is she meant to be. Thankfully. Imagine that. No, she’s more of a opinion and experience-sharer, a seeker, an asker of questions and a student – just like the rest of us. She’s also a little quirky and cheeky and I dig that. Please make our newbie writer welcome as she finds her feet here in the blogosphere… and I’ll see ya’ll on Monday.

A Quality Education

The other night I had a lovely chat with a dear old friend of mine, Daniel. We used to sit together in Year Ten English at Apathy and Underachievement High – a very ordinary school in a very ordinary suburb in the late 1980s (ok, mid 1980s). And before you dislocate your brain doing mathematical gymnastics, that makes me almost forty. However, please allow me to milk my thirties for just a moment or two more.

Who Does He Think He Is?

Daniel left school at the end of Year Ten with a dream to be involved in film and television. He wanted to write, act, direct, produce – anything and everything. Of course, his dream was met with ill-concealed derision. A sad part of the Australian culture is the obligation some people feel to cut others down to size – a paralysing social practice known as the Tall Poppy Syndrome here in the Land Down-Under. We wouldn’t want anyone to have ‘tickets on themselves’ or become ‘too big for their britches’ now would we?

Never Give Up

Thankfully, Daniel didn’t listen to the wet blankets and in 2007 he released his first feature film West which premiered at the prestigious Berlin Film Festival and has now been released on DVD. It took him just over twenty years to achieve his dream – there’s a lesson in perseverance. Yes, he’s talented but he also didn’t give up when everyone told him to ‘get a real job’. He is now just about to wrap up his next short film for Tropfest (the World’s Largest Short Film Festival).

Seize the Day – Tomorrow!

One of the most interesting points to emerge from our conversation was the idea that ‘The Grass is Always Greener’. Daniel and I were talking about procrastination (Exhibit A, right here) – how we often put off the tasks that scare us or bore us, while we do other tasks that we enjoy more. Mr. Harper might call that doing what we want to do versus doing what we need to do. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re sitting on the couch stuffing our faces with chocolate whilst watching The Mentalist – although if anyone can think of a better combination than Simon Baker and chocolate, let me know. Phwoar. Is it hot in here? No, it just means that sometimes we could be a little more disciplined and grown-up about our priorities. And, yes, from where I’m sitting I can see a pile of work I need to get through by Sunday night. And I’m writing this instead. See what I mean?

Boring is Relative

Daniel told me, by way of example, that when he has to write a script for a major Australian television drama, he often procrastinates because he finds it more interesting to write his own stuff. What? Sorry? Excuse me? How can writing a script for a television series possibly be boring? The plot? The characters? The dialogue? The twists and turns? The dramatic irony? How could that ever be boring? I would give up my first born for an opportunity like that but please don’t tell her; she’s so touchy about those things. Like the time I listed her on Ebay. Talk about an over-reaction! I suppose, though, it’s all a matter of perspective. Even the most exciting job can become pedestrian after a while. The grass always appears greener if you don’t have the right outlook. 

My Dirty Little Big Secret

Which makes me think of my feet. Of course it does. I hate my feet. They’re awful. I’m 5 foot 8 and I wear a size ten shoe (41 in European sizes). They are also very wide and although I enjoy a broad base of support, it makes finding stylish shoes an exercise in frustration and expense. It’s not very sexy. They’re not very sexy. At all. Fortunately my ankles are awesome. I blush with humiliation at the shoe store when I’ve been brave enough to reveal my gargantuan flippers only to be told, ‘we have nothing for you, dear… and please drag those things out of here before you scare the other customers – you freak.’

Foot Envy

Subsequently, I’ve always been jealous of the feet belonging to my best friend from high school, Keri. She is five foot ten (yep, taller than me), very slim and she wears a delicate size seven. Bitch. So not fair. How can she be so tall and have such small feet? I feel like the Big Friendly Giant next to her. She can buy any type of shoe. Oh, the freedom! The shopping! She must be thrilled to have such gorgeous little feet.

She’s not.

They hurt. Like, really hurt.

She told me recently (I’m not sure how it came up; girls talk about strange things) that her feet are simply too small to support her height. She cannot stand for longer than an hour without feeling like she needs a wheelchair. She hates it. She’d give anything to have big, functional flippers like mine which actually do what they were designed to do. See? The grass always appears greener.

Forbidden Fruit

Why do we always want what we don’t have? Is it the very fact that we don’t have something which makes it so compelling and enticing? We all know, perhaps from personal experience, that as soon as we ban a food from our ‘diet’ it suddenly becomes the most desirable, delicious food we can imagine. We start obsessing, ‘Hmm. You know what? I’ve never really fancied tripe on toast before but now that I can’t have it, it’s all I want!’

The Contradictorian

Yep, a word. Now. God, I sound like someone else don’t I? Sorry.

Isn’t it strange how the mind works? If we look at our own lives, the same principle can sometimes apply: When we have security and stability, we yearn for excitement and spontaneity. When we have a home full of people, we crave solitude. When we are alone, we long for someone with whom to share our lives. When we have a lot of responsibility, we want our freedom. When no-one is relying on us, we want to feel more connected, wanted and needed. When we are always busy, we want more time in our day. When we have too much spare time, we look for things to keep us busy.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Making Choices

It’s not as though we can’t have what we want, but clearly we can’t have everything we want at the same time. We need to establish what we really want, make the necessary choices and then find a way to be content with those choices.

For example: 

• If you need financial security, don’t marry a freelance poet; unless you’re a very wealthy heiress, in which case, knock yourself out and marry a well-hung trapeze artist called Julio – if you like.
• If you need lots of unallocated time to avoid feeling overwhelmed, learn to say ‘no’ to some projects, commitments and people. As the chief says, stop being a people pleaser (doormat).
• If you need someone special in your life, sacrifice some of your ‘at home alone and comfy’ time.  Lose your awful I-gave-up-in-1996 t-shirt and track pants, frock-up (or the male equivalent, or maybe not, we don’t judge) and get yourself out there. Mr or Miss ‘All Right’ isn’t going to knock on your door. Really. Unless you live in the same street as George Clooney and you’ve been pinching his mail. Good for you.

Where’s Aunty Sandra?

Someone said to me recently that the challenge is to figure out how to change the things in our lives that we need to change in order to find happiness and fulfilment without sabotaging the things that we love about our lives. Similarly, my grandmother always said, ‘don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater’. 

Years ago, my aunt did just that; she walked out of her life. Literally. On Christmas Day (just after lunch). She picked up her handbag and walked out on two children, fifteen years of marriage, her house, her clothes (clearly she wasn’t thinking straight) and her responsibilities. Just like that. She went off to start a new life and never looked back. Not that I’m a fan of her ‘work’ but obviously she fitted into the ‘change everything at once’ rather than the ‘small, gradual changes’ category.

Our Side of the Fence

Thankfully, in order to build amazing lives and find happiness and fulfilment, the changes don’t have to be as dramatic as we might initially imagine. Again, it’s a case of taking the time to figure it out. For ourselves. No magic pill. Damn. Like most aspects of life, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution that we can grab off the rack. Each of us has to tailor our own strategy to fit our individual situation and aspirations. We can look wistfully over the fence at ‘greener pastures’, wishing and dreaming of what could be, only to eventually discover that it wasn’t all that we had imagined. Or, we can make our best efforts to incorporate all the elements we need for a happy, amazing life on our side of the fence.

Could it be Me?

This isn’t to say that we will never need to make major changes. Perhaps we will ultimately come to the conclusion that we need to change our job, career, partner, house, circle of friends, relationships with family members or another aspect of our reality. Hopefully not all at once. But we need to recognise that unless we also change (our outlook, our mindset, our reactions), climbing over the fence will give us nothing but splinters where we don’t want them. But then, do we ever want splinters? Good point.

Seeing What Was Always There

Of course the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. We just choose to see it that way. Just like Sally O’Brien of the lop-sided breasts fame, sometimes the only thing that needs to change in order to find happiness is our perception. Sally’s side of the fence had always been fertile ground for contentment; she just needed to recognise it. As the big unit always says (he with his head on the home page), is it the situation that needs to change or is it me in that situation? Surely I don’t need to change? Okay, perhaps it’s a little of both.

Show and Tell

Have you ever climbed over a fence only to discover that the grass was exactly the same on the other side? Or maybe worse still, it was mud? Feel free to share your ideas and thoughts, perhaps you can enlighten me. Thanks for letting me be the new kid on the block here at him-dot-com. I think I’m going to like it here. I’ve heard that you guys are really friendly whenever anyone has to get up in front of the class. I know I don’t have the big guns and shaved head but I’ll do my very best.

CJ xox