Avoiding the Cheese

Hi Guys…

Hope you’re well and being the change you want to see in your world. I apologise for being a little scarce recently, my world away from the blogosphere has been somewhat demanding. How dare life get in the way of our flourishing cyber-relationship.

Today’s instalment is not so much a life lesson or motivational rev-up (as such) as it is me thinking out loud about my ‘job’. I thought you might find it interesting as it will give you a little insight into how I think when I’m going about the process of speaking and writing. I’m often asked about my writing style (some might say lack of style) and how it evolved. This post will give you an idea.

The other day I met a bloke (for the first time) who is a regular reader of this site. I was out having a coffee with a friend and the guy recognised me. Or, he may have recognised the me-dot-com shirt. Anyhoozle, he decided to say “hello”. Part of the conversation went something like this:

Hey Craig…

“Hey Craig, cool site (giving me a thumbs-up sign from two tables away).”
“Thanks, I’m glad you like it.”
“I get your emails every day and forward a lot of them on to my friends (he stands and walks over to our table).”

I stand, ask him his name and shake his hand.

“What do you like about the site?”

I know that question sounds like I’m fishing for a compliment but I’m not. I’m genuinely interested to know what people like (and don’t like) about the site so that I can make it a better resource and gain more insight into my readers. That is, who reads and why.

“I like the lack of cheese.”
“What does that mean?”
“I like the fact that you don’t sound like a motivational-guru-type when you write.”
“Oh really, how do they sound?”
“You know: cheesy.”
“Cheesy?”
“Yeah, fake and smarmy. I hate the bullshit, the sales pitches and the cheesy language they use.”
“And how do I talk?”
“Not like that. Like someone who’s normal. A regular bloke. Like me.”
“Thanks.”
“I don’t normally get into the motivation (type) stuff but my missus kept shoving your articles under my nose and eventually you wooed me into your web (laughs). I thought she was into some kind of cult for a while – until I started reading your stuff for myself.” (laughs)
“Well, I’m not officially launching the cult until next year.”
“I’m in.” (more laughs)

We spoke for another minute or so, I measured him for his cult kaftan (and Ugg Boots) and I rejoined my friend.

I’ve heard that message (or similar) many times before. Not the part about me, the other part. The part about what people don’t like about motivational speakers and the field of personal development in general.

The Challenge

One of the biggest challenges in doing what I do is that many (and I mean m-a-n-y) people are not particularly receptive to anything that looks, smells or sounds remotely like personal development or self-help. Especially Aussies. Which can make my job a little challenging from time to time. I’ve spoken in many countries and, in my experience, Australian audiences are (often) the least trusting and the hardest to connect with in a short space of time. So, the question I ask myself often is:

Q. How do I be a successful personal development speaker and writer without actually sounding like one?

Your thoughts?

My greatest challenge in writing for this site, writing books and working as a professional speaker has always been (and continues to be) finding the best way to deliver my information, ideas and lessons in a manner that creates optimal connection, understanding, inspiration and shift (change) without the er… cheese.

It seems many Australians (like the guy in the café) come with an inbuilt cheese alarm. Or, as my mother might say: a bullshit detector.  

The Folded Arm Fraternity

While some audiences are very receptive and open, I have worked with numerous groups where (to start with) the vibe was somewhat less than enthusiastic. To say the least. When you’re confronted with a sea of crossed legs, folded arms and stern-looking faces (before you’ve spoken a single word), you know it’s gonna be an interesting morning. This is often the case when a group of employees have been wheeled into an auditorium to listen to some ‘tool’ (me) that the company has employed to boost team morale, to motivate the masses and to talk about some kind of work-life balance crap. Or something.

Many Aussies are distrusting, skeptical and (often) critical when it comes to anything or anyone that looks like they’re pushing the self-help barrow. Even if they personally know nothing of the book, the program, the speaker or the information.

Here’s a version of a conversation I’ve had many times:

“That self-help stuff is all mumbo-jumbo.”
“Why do you say that?”
“It just is.”
“Oh.”
“And that Tony Robbins bloke is a big dickhead.”
“Really? Have you heard him speak?”
“Wouldn’t waste my money or time.”
“Oh, have you read any of his books?”
“Nope.”
“Well, I’ve heard him speak and read lots of his stuff. He’s pretty smart and has some interesting things to say.”
“Well..I… er…”
“So, what is it that you don’t like about his philosophy?”
“What?”
“You know: his philosophy – the stuff he teaches – what don’t you like about it?”
“Er…”
“So, what is it that you don’t like about him?”
“What?”
“You said he’s a dickhead, why do you say that?”
“Well… take a look at him…”
“So, it’s his appearance you don’t like then?”
“I hate everything about him”
“Like…?”
“His annoying voice…”
“So, you hate the way he looks and sounds but you don’t actually know anything about his program, ideas or philosophy?”

The person in this conversation is more typical than you might think.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m also of the opinion that there are plenty of personal development frauds who shouldn’t be trusted. Sure, we’re all selling something. I sell books, CDs, DVDs and a range of programs but I never coerce, twist arms up backs or “sell” anything. To be honest, I’m often criticised by certain (well-meaning) people in my world because I don’t market myself aggressively enough. Whatever that means. If this website is never anything more than a free resource that in some small way, helps you make your life a better place to be, that’s totally cool with me.

Back on Topic..

The interesting thing is that, quite often, the people who are most in need of a little er… ‘personal growth’ (aren’t we all?) are the ones who are the least receptive, the least open and the most critical. Have you experienced this? And I’m not just talking about being open to personal development (as such), I’m talking about being receptive to anything that might lead to some kind of positive change in their world: theology, philosophy, meditation, counseling, psychotherapy, performance coaching or (even) personal training.

So, for the past four years the development of this site has been a labour of love, learning and listening.

Connecting with Laughs

I realised early on my journey that (many) Aussies respond to humour and a little self-deprecation from the bloke (or chick) up the front. Somewhere along the way we’ve learned that “If he can put himself down and make us laugh then he can’t be that bad and maybe we can trust him.” If I walk onto a stage (in this country) and straight away start with the ‘transformational language’ and the ‘motivator-dude’ speak, most audiences will switch off within minutes.

Instant disconnection.

If, on the other hand, I begin my presentation with an amusing story (which somehow makes me look like an idiot) that simultaneously makes the audience laugh, sparks their interest and opens the door to an interesting discussion, then I have instant engagement.

While humour is only a small component of professional speaking and writing (unless you’re a comic), it certainly has a way of opening doors (emotionally), breaking down barriers (mentally) and creating a tangible shift of energy in a room. It can even change physiology: frowns become smiles, folded arms start to unfold, heads begin to nod and happy hormones are produced.

As long as there’s no cheese involved. Of course.

Thankfully, I’m still on my journey, still learning and still growing as a writer, speaker and teacher. Clearly, I have a way to go.

So, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Do you have a bullshit detector or a cheese alarm? What communication style works best for you? Was there a time when you were resistant to what you actually needed to hear? What do you like and dislike about the field of personal development? How can the ‘motivational-types’ be more effective at what they do? Feel free to be open and honest but don’t use the names or individuals or organisations – we don’t wanna ruffle feathers. Or end up in court.