A Question from Carly
Hi Craig. Firstly, thanks for your site. I love it. Sometimes it seems as though you’re writing just for me. In fact, sometimes you freak me out with how much you know about me. Everything you write makes sense and as I read, I often find myself nodding in agreement, laughing and occasionally, crying. Much to the amusement of my co-workers.
Here’s my problem/question: I read your words of wisdom, I get all excited and determined, I make some promises to myself, I start with a bang and then two days later I’m back in the same place – hating myself and beating myself up. No matter what, I can’t seem to keep my head where it needs to be for more than a week. Please, please, please tell me how to stay motivated and in the zone.
I know you’re busy but I would so appreciate some help. Thanks.
Carly (Colorado, US).
An Answer
Hi Carly.
Surely not everything I write makes sense? Sometimes I even confuse myself! And I’m so glad to hear that I make you cry at work. What! Don’t bawl on your keyboard will you? You might start an electronic meltdown to accompany the emotional one! Then I’d feel bad.
Once I stopped laughing.
The reason I’ve chosen to answer your letter in such a public forum (with your permission) is because I have received (a version of) this letter hundreds of times. Your feelings reflect the feelings of many, so I thought the following answer might be of interest to some (or perhaps many) of my readers.
I’m gonna keep it short-ish and to the point. Here we go…
Carly, motivation is only one of the ingredients in the success recipe. And often, not a very important one. Keep in mind that going through periods of greater and lesser motivation is totally normal and not a sign of weakness or dysfunction. One of the keys to creating lasting change is being able to do what you need to (to achieve your goals) even when the feeling of motivation has left the building.
Sometimes, maintaining those life-changing behaviours has nothing to do with (the feeling of) motivation and everything to do with organisation, structure, self-control, commitment and accountability. Not very sexy things – but very effective things.
If you rely solely on motivation to get you there (wherever there is), you’ll spend your life getting on and off the Transformation Merry-go-Round. Your motivational peaks and troughs don’t need to determine your behaviour, so it’s crucial that you learn to maintain momentum, stay committed and be disciplined even when you’re not in the zone. Which, of course, will be often. Being human and all. 
A Hypothetical
Let’s say that today you go to the doctor and you are diagnosed with Type-1 diabetes. You are told that if you don’t inject yourself four times each day with insulin, you could fall into a diabetic coma at any stage and die (okay, it’s a scary hypothetical).
Now, would you only inject yourself with insulin when you were in the zone? After all, needles certainly aren’t much fun. 
Would you rely on your level of motivation to determine whether or not you complied with the doctor’s instructions, or would you simply do what was required no matter what?
Has a light come on yet or should I continue?
I’ll assume total compliance would be your choice.
So, Carly, why wouldn’t you have any motivational problems with the daily administration of your insulin? Could it be that once the doctor explained the potential consequences of non-compliance, you realised that (your level of) motivation was irrelevant? It was simply a matter of doing what needed to be done. What you ‘felt’ like doing on a given day didn’t come into it.
Once we totally commit to change, then our thinking, decisions, behaviours, results and transformation will be a natural consequence of that commitment. Once we make something non-negotiable, motivation (or the lack thereof) becomes a non-issue.
Carly, your problem is not a motivation issue, it’s a commitment issue.
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts, ideas and even your advice for Carly.
Do you have a question? Naturally I can’t answer all the email questions I receive but I’ve decided that, for the next few weeks, I’ll do my best to answer a few questions (weekly) here on the site. If you’d like to ask me something (sensible), just click here. I’ll do my best to help you. And yes, we can make it anonymous if you’d prefer.
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{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
When we are young and drink and smoke we don’t think of the future, so your thing about insulin is right, but having to shoot up insulin if you don’t = death is stronger than oh look i’ll have another smoke it’s years until the lungs go.
We have a choice with smoking, we don’t with insulin. The alternative is seven feet under now. With smoking it’s years away. Hence why we would commit to one thing but not another.
Hey Carly,
I can so relate to how you feel. One of the things I have found to be invaluable while trying to create change and learn new habits is planning and organisation. If you continually remind yourself how much you want this it is easier to schedule in the myriad of small tasks you need to have done to make the changes possible.
For example, every night I make my lunch for work so I don’t buy rubbish and I plan what I will eat on the weekends so I’m not tempted to just buy take aways. I schedule my grocery shopping to make sure I have the right foods and I make sure my washing is always up to date so my gym gear is ready to go. I have my gym sessions plugged into my calendar and treat them like any other important meeting that I must attend, no questions asked.
Another thing is to change what your standards are. For example, I didn’t have a standard about how much chocolate I ate or how closesly I regulated my alcohol intake or take away buys. I now think quite differently about all of these things because I want something different and my standards for daily living have changed. My change in standards is creating a much stronger, fitter and happier person. Happier because day to day life is so much less of a struggle. I can walk up that hill no problems and cart the shopping around like Atlas! I’m fitter for work and I can buy nicer clothes and it’s just much more comfortable being in my body.
The absolute best thing though is finally learning and appreciating that over time, the changes are wonderful and so worth the small efforts you need to consistently make to achieve what you’re looking for. I think one really only learns about patience and consistency when you actually keep trying to apply patience and consistency. No amount of motivation will teach you that only doing it will help you with it.
As you keep striving to do each of the little tasks that you know you need to do to keep the ball rolling for whatever it is that you want to achieve, you find that they have quietly snuck up on you as your new lifestyle. But don’t analyse it. You know what you need to do, so just do each little bit, even when you don’t feel like it.
So, I would say, change one thing at at time but keep at it. Make it your new standard and most of all – Don’t Think – Just DO. If you fall off the wagon (or whatever that saying is) don’t think, don’t flog yourself, just get straight back to the new standard. You’re not bad, you’re just learning a new habit. And that takes time.
Best of luck Carly and let us know how you’re getting on.
Sometimes I think you follow me around too Mr Harper. I also think sometimes you are writing just for me.
Hi Craig,
I am a newbie to your site. Starting and stopping is one of my problems. I actually love starting, but cannot seem to keep going.
Thanks for your blog.
Thanks for the post, I have been a long time reader but this is my first comment. I always make small steps going forward but eventually fall back into my old ways. As you say, my problem is not a motivation issue, it’s a commitment issue.
Hi CC’s,
Just thought i would share that i have ‘Create Amazing’ on a post-it in the corner of my desk (every time i look at it speaks to me in the Craig Harper voice ‘i want you to create amazing every day of your life’).
In the same voice the last sentence really stands out ‘its not a motivational issue it’s a committment issue’. This is a really awesome diagnosis, but i feel something is missing off the end.
If its a committment issue then i take-it that need to know exactly what we want. If we are struggling then we probably have not got the end result in mind, (the bit we grit our teeth for). I guess this would fit in to all your goal-setting posts.
To take this a step further I am interpreting it as: Make your goal, set the result (the motivation will still be there at this point). Keep working on your goal even though the motivation is as dry as the Sahara. The gritting of teeth will somehow get you through even if you feel it is completely pointless.
Only one more point to add. If i am feeling rock bottom in the middle of the motivational Sahara (in the motivation sense, not depression sense) i will often go to my one of my favourite places(an Oasis for an afternoon) to relax, unwind then start on the goal again the next day.
i like your site very much. all articles are very interesting. just go on with your work, keep it up!
One of the things I have not done well over the years is to try to change one thing at at time. I keep trying to change everything at once.
I agree – motivation is a choice we need to make. We need to take out the emotional component so that we can totally commit to the change.
No wonder I can’t get motivated. I somehow expect some external factors to help increase my level of motivation. Thanks for the ‘new’ kickstart.
Paul
I remember you writing once, “people who succeed are usually the ones who continue to do what they need to, even when their feeling of motivation isn’t there”. I have this on my wall to keep reminding me.
The key for me to stay motivated is reminding myself what I am trying to achieve, why I want to achieve it and what steps I need to take to achieve it.
I love it when I get one of your emails in my inbox. I’ve been reading your fabulous posts for a while now but have never posted a comment, so here goes. I’ve lost 15kgs in 30 weeks and seeing my body change has been great motivation. This is my main motivation when I really feel like taking it easy in a workout or when I really want to eat take away.
I have a question Jedi Master:
Why do we consciously engage in self destructive habits, when we are unmotivated, while we ignore our better judgment?
Great to read good stuff every now and then!
Regards Marcia
Motivation is strange. When you have it, life seems easy. When you are unmotivated, even the simplest of tasks can be hard to complete. Val
I love your last item most of all: Once we totally commit to change, then our thinking, decisions, behaviours, results and transformation will be a natural consequence of that commitment.
People love to be challenged, although they won’t always admit it.
Lokesh
Wow! Great post! I’m sure these will be very effective in motivating myself and others! I’ll remember these tips whenever i need motivation! Will share this with friends.
Hello Carly,
Yep, the ‘commitment’ bit is the testing bit! I think you need to decide how much you want to achieve your goals and what that achievement would mean to you. If you feel the commitment required to get to goal is too much of a tight annoying slog would you be prepared to lower the goal posts, or schedule longer to get to goal or make your journey to goal a series of ‘mini steps’? It really does come down to planning, organisation, keeping to some standards.
Easier said than done but if you fall off the wagon, just commit to get straight back on, no matter how much you feel like not doing it. The reality is…………..changing our reality/achieving goals or continuing circular behaviour! Then over time I think we get into less situations within our control we aren’t happy with.
There are times we will get massive urges to engage in behaviours that are the opposite to our goals. If we don’t give in………overtime the urge will die somewhat and we will be happy we didn’t relent. Motivation comes and goes and commitment stays.
I don’t talk about depriving either, – just living in a controlled way in line with your goals you are happy with!
Motivation is the fuel of achievement one can easily reach. The toughest thing for most people is to have a high level of motivation in all phases of their life. If you want to achieve your dreams then the ability to motivate yourself is crucial.
Mary, USA
Motivation vs committment? Well, for me it’s not about motivation or committment, it is more of less feelings of not being worthy. I agree with Carly, how is it we can feel great one day and feel like we are on the right track then the next POUFFE!! All those good feelings are gone. I actually wrote a post this morning about human emotions, and for me that is what it is. We are human, and sometimes the train derails, we just have to find the reasons, work with it and rebuild. Great post and I love the way you take the time answer your readers and post.
You and Gretchen are now officially my two favourite personal development bloggers.
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i love your blog and thoughts
thank you for sharing you are amazing!
Being a Saggittarian, one of my characteristics is that I start a lot of things but don’t finish that many. I love the excitement of starting a new project but when the follow-through gets boring, I drop it and start something new. My enthusiasm for new projects is great. My follow-through, I have to work on to really stay committed. In my marriage of 37 years, I have learned that making a committment to the relationship isn’t a one-time thing. Committment to any project is an on-going thing. With any project that I start and want to finish, I have to really work on the committment part of the journey. Once the initial feelings of excitement for starting a new project leaves, that is when the committment to that project becomes really important, otherwise I will drop that project and find a new one to start. Excitement for a new project is an emotional high that can, in itself, become addictive if I don’t pay attention.
Like everyone else that reads your blog and leaves comments, I love your articles. They speak to me personally. That is a great ability to have for a writer.
Making part of my to-do list “non-negotiable” has brought me so much closer to my goals.
The other change I’ve made is when I get all human and screw up, I don’t hate myself anymore. I give myself some extra love,
like I would support a friend. Just that self-forgiveness prevents a continuing backwards slide and I’m heading in the right direction again.
Coming here for motivation and inspiration has been a life changer.
It’s been a very long time since I left a comment but today I just had to thank you for the words that ring in my ear every day when I don’t feel like exercising – NOT NEGOTIABLE. I am fitter now than I have been in years thanks to those two words.
Over the past couple of years I have been going to the gym and eating reasonably healthy, but could not seem to lose those last couple of kilos, then one day reading one of craigs posts (yet again) rang true for me, and that was “same produces same”. This was a lightbulb moment for me and I decided then and there that those last 4 kilos would be gone. Since dec last year I have lost those kilos and kept them off, because I feel much happier in this body and even sexier. I made excercise a non negotiable 6 days a week (instead of 3) and I increased the distance I was runnning. I changed my shopping and eating habits and I love myself again.
I think they key for me staying on track was seeing results, now I just want to maintain the body I have, so I do what needs to be done everyday to keep this body.
Taking any small step is the key. I’ve found if I commit to taking a small step, the job soon gets done. Taking many small steps towards your goals is a great self motivation technique. To make things easier, break larger goals down into small steps.
JOHNNY CAN YOU NOT Put the last one up and replace with this…?
Hi Carly,
Firstly don’t bother bashing yourself up … You can do that tomorrow.. Now that the easy work is out of the way.. lets ACTUALLY GET TO WORK!
IT IS SO EASY to get excited.. but to STAY EXCITED that is work! So whatever drove you in the beginning you need to consistently be reminded of this… to drive you through! You can not expect to stay motivated if you don’t change anything but wanting something different for me all my friends, my schedule, how I spend my time and most importantly most of me HAD to CHANGE!
Craig is right WHEN THE PAIN GETS TO GREAT WE CHANGE! And by that I don’t mean from going to eating crap all day to having protein shakes and excersing 7 times a week whilst it may be maintainable for 3mths it is highly unlikely that such a dramatic change will last … it is about being REALISTIC .LIFE HAPPENS… .If I want to get from A to C I need to do go through b so how am I going to do this… set small realistic goals ie. For six days this week I will drink a litre of water, walk, follow a realistic eating plan with your lifestyle and then on the 7th DO Whatever the hell you want…
By taking this approach JUST DO IT.. you are probably going to be a lot better off than setting yourself up for FAILURE! By trying to place to much resistance/perfection on yourself WHICH IS PLAIN UNREALISTIC .. you are human first before the personality so sometimes we just have to do the action and head will follow!
Craig,
Once again you have given me a timely post! Are you spying on me? lol.
My motivation must have taken a holiday. I need to get back to making me the best I can.
I read this once in a magazine YOLO “You Only Live Once”, which to me stands behind my motivation. Because yes it’s true life is not a dress rehersal we are here once so why not make a commitment to yourself. You can do it Carly!
OMG Kate has spoken
Ange don’t you believe in reincarnation
Seriously, I concur 100% with Kate for this reason. I think a major change can be done, but often to get from A to C you do B. Problem is sometimes you skip B. I keep going back to this: weight loss, you go wonderful for weeks on end and one night you are tired and there is your pizza chain, and some garlic bread is nice, oh and the softdrink. Then we beat ourselves up for it and C drifts. Repeating B should be viewed as repeating not a chore.
I just think that as noble as it is to pursue the committment goal and remain motivated, when we skip or won’t do B I think just try it again.
Fab addition Kate. Just like the Nike ad says JUST DO IT. As Craig always says, doing things creates momentum. Loving this community
Hi Gang. Thanks for all your advice, suggestions, ideas and input. You’re all very clever. Well, most of you.
A big hi to our Newbie commentors. Welcome to our humble community
Craig and CJ, I have a confession: I have not been organised, structured, self-controlled, committed or accountable in terms of my goal to do the Mothers Day Classic fun run that CJ encouraged me to do
i started training, but got lazy and let life get in the way of my commitment.
Thanks Craig for putting up this question and answer…perfect timing for me really. Last night at soccer training we did the beep test. Boy was THAT a wake-up call! Not to mention the fact that I currently weigh 5 kilos more than I did this time two years ago.
Guess it’s time for me to pay attention to my favourite quote from Jillian Michaels: “If you have a flat tire, are you going to get out of your vehicle and slice the other three tires, or are you going to get out change the flat, get back in your car and keep moving?”
*starts changing her flat tyre*
Hi Craig,
Really need your advice, I am a 45 year old woman like Carly I am a bit of a stop and starter. I have just joined the Queensland Masters Atheletics Association where I will be running competively I really want to get fitter and stronger and win. How much and what kind of exercise will help me achieve my goal? Any advice would be appreciated I love reading your articles. Kind Regards Fiona
Hi Craig,
i read Carlys question and your reponse with interest. I am hoping you can add my reponse to your blog so Carly can view it. Here goes from a personal trainer perspective.
Hi Carly,
I am a personal trainer who trains clients in the great outdoors. As years of experience as a trainer i have a fair idea at what makes people ‘tick’ when it comes to exercising consistently. To maintain a ‘regular’ fitness program requires not only motivation and commitment but you must ENJOY what you do. If you don’t enjoy it…. the ‘regular’ will become spasmodic and monotonus! Everyone is different. You may enjoy the gym. You may enjoy playing a sport. You may enjoy exercising outdoors. You may enjoy exercising in a group environment. You may not. Theres so many variables and so much variety out there. Exercising with a friend/colleague/family member is the ideal ‘building block’ to reach your specific fitness goals. Humans need variety to maintain long term interest and the great outdoors is the perfect ‘playground’ to get that. Motivation,commitment,enthusiasm can be found in ‘bucket loads’ with group training. A lot of new clients baulked at the idea of getting to my outdoor workout at 5.45am in the middle of July. Setting the trusty alarm, bouncing out of bed and driving the car in zombie mode to a venue is the hardest part. Once you are there the positive dynamic within a group will get you firing! So reach over your desk, collar a workmate and shake them a little (not a lot!) and learn to inspire, challenge, and motivate each other. If you make this commitment to each other on the training track then i guarantee you will stay committed for more than 2 days! ENJOY what you do and your body will love you for it! All the best. Simon
Hey Craigles…..
I’m so loving this post. I liken it to waiting in the surf for the perfect wave…. I would sit and wait for the motivation to arrive, ride the wave, then fall off the back. Then, wait for the next wave of motivation to arrive so that I could build a bit of momentum again. But alas, I would fall off the back again.
Now, I just paddle through continuously. Every now and then a wave arrives and I achieve slightly more than I did the day before, but basically I just keep going at a steady pace, regardless of how the surf looks…
People ask me how I stay motivated… I just tell them that motivation is over rated and they should find another reason to do what ever it is they want to do.
So much advice and good words from so many people – now that’s what I call a great team and support network!
For the guys who love the thrill of the start and the new – just set short term goals and review your lists more often, with appropriate rewards for yourself when you make them happen. Even trying a new clean eating recipe is an achievement! Acknowledge the goods along with the bads, take it at your pace. Nothing wrong with that!
OMG!!! JUST FOUND YOU GUYS.
MORE HARD CORE CRAIG! MORE HARD CORE CRAIG! MORE HARD CORE CRAIG!
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