This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!! Enjoy.
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Fattitude
- Craig Harper
While many books focus on food,
Craig teaches that creating life-long change is more about the
dieter, than the actual diet. This book is perfect for people who have a
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DVD
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Craig Harper is Australia's leading
motivational speaker
and educator (according to Google Australia). He is a highly
sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be
a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and
professional development.
Working with hundreds of
teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations
on numerous continents over the last twenty years
has given Craig a unique insight into, and
understanding of, human performance and all its
variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire,
challenge and make people laugh all at the same
time!
Have you ever bought something only to discover down the track that you didn't actually get what you thought you were buying... that you've been well and truly scammed? Of course you have. Me too. We all have.
"But with these pills I'm meant to lose 14 pounds in 14 days... without getting off the couch!!"
"Hey, isn't this phone supposed to do neck massage, make a cappuccino... and land the Space Shuttle?"
The advertising and the hype just didn't match the product. Companies constantly over-promise and under-deliver... it's an age-old trick called 'selling stuff'! "Oh... you want a steering wheel with that car Mr Harper... well, that's an option"
Don't let the facts get in the way of a good story!
Well, this happens in the world of Personal Development too. Shock, horror. I know it's hard to believe that someone might actually care more about telling you what you want to hear, or making money than helping you... but try and get your head around it. Crazy concept I know. Am I doing the sarcasm thing again? Sorry.
Sure, there are some amazing, genuine people out there who are doing their best to 'be the change'... and then there are those who are peddling lies or at the very least, half truths.
Too many 'wanna-be experts' espouse messages that are misleading, unrealistic, impractical and potentially dangerous. Good for selling books, not so good for creating real-life results... forever change. In a culture which is desperate for a shortcut (we are the quick-fix generation) it's easy to sell lies because so many of us don't wanna buy the truth... it's not nearly as attractive. We spend millions every day on weight-loss products because we get sucked in by terms like 'quick, easy, fast and painless'... and we continue to get fatter... because all that crap doesn't work!!
"Yep, I'm gonna get me some o' those sevenminute abs!!"
Good luck with that.
It's true, we are an incredibly gullible society, desperate to find an easy way rather than discovering the most effective way. We don't need more 'success' theories or shortcuts, we need practical, proven, common sense, results-based strategies. More reality, less fluff. More honesty, less razzle-dazzle.
For how much longer will we continue to complicate the simple? Re-invent the Self Help wheel? Go around in ever-expanding Personal Development circles? How many different ways can we say the same thing? If we were to believe some people, it's a wonder that any of us achieved anything before they arrived on the Personal Development landscape with their new 'success' systems and programs.
Lucky us.
Call me crazy, call me old-fashioned... but I (stupidly) still embrace some of those wacky archaic notions like self-control, discipline, planning, determination, focus, passion, commitment and hard work. I know, I'm out of date. So out of touch. Hardwork... there's a term you won't see in any advertising literature... can't sell that!
The reality is that creating our best life and fulfilling our potential will always involve a level of pain, discomfort, blood, sweat, tears and commitment. But try and find those facts on the front of a Self-Help book or in the advertising for any Personal Development program.
I won't get too specific about books, programs or individuals (I have an aversion to litigation) but let's just say that you would be well advised to question, explore and consider for yourselves before you buy into someone else's (version of) reality, success or change.
I always tell my audiences "don't believe me... simply listen, consider what I say and then judge for yourself. See if something that I say resonates within you." You need to find your own truth among the ever-increasing mountain of Personal Development information.
Is it possible to create amazing, mind-blowing outcomes in our life? Absolutely. Is it quick, easy, simple and painless? Typically not. Is it worth making the effort? Absolutely.
I'm at the front of the queue when it comes to encouraging people to create their own amazing life... relationships, health, career, finances, happiness, fun. And while I believe that most of us are exploding with talent and potential and can do and achieve amazing things, I am also passionate about teaching people the realistic, no-frills, this-is-what-really-works approach to creating their best life.
I care about what happens when the 'Guru' leaves town, the hype and the 'motivation' have died down, you're not 'in state', you're not 'in the zone', your back is a bit sore, the kids are screaming, the bills are mounting and the emotional impact of the workshop, the book, the seminar, the DVD or the CD has long gone. Creating forever change ain't about moments of motivation and inspiration... and it ain't about books, programs or even this website; it's about what youdo over the course of a lifetime!!!
A few of my favourite(?) lies:
The lie: You deserve it. The truth: You earn it, you create it, you work for it.
The lie: If you can conceive it, you can achieve it. The truth: Not always. I can picture myself running a hundred metres in nine seconds all I want... but it ain't gonna happen. I can picture myself being a rock star in front of 50,000 screaming fans... but sadly, no chance - it also takes some talent. It's great to visualise and create a mental picture, it's also wise to be practical and realistic.
The lie: Motivation will get you there. The truth: It won't, motivation comes and goes. It's about commitment - that's what keeps us going when the motivation is absent. It's about being totally emotionally invested into that endeavour so that even when you don't 'feel like it', you're still doing what you needtodo to create your desired outcomes. When most people have thrown in the towel, you persevere.
The lie: If it's meant to be, the Universe will deliver it to you. The truth: That's crap. The Universe doesn't give a shit about you. As I've said before, the traditional concept of destiny is the refuge of the weak. It's for lazy, fearful people who don't wanna get off their ass and take charge of their own life. Some people would have you believe that your future is some pre-determined event that you happen to be an unwilling participant in. Enjoy that reality... the rest of us will be over here creating our own amazing future.
The lie: This book, program, CD, DVD, website... will change your life. The truth:You will change your life.
Ever noticed how some people seem to be allergic to having their own opinion? I call this conditionOpinion-itis.
We see it in families, friendships, the work place, schools, the media, sporting clubs, political parties... pretty much everywhere. Well maybe they do have an opinion, but for whatever reason... they don't or won't share it.
Sure, there are times to share and times not to share an opinion. And yes, we need to exercise wisdom, timing and care with how and when we express our thoughts and ideas, but there comes a point (you've been there) when we have to speak our mind no matter how comfortable, easy, convenient or popular that opinion will be. If we don't, we start to lose our identity, our individuality; us. We continue to be a pawn in someone else's game. A 'yes' man. Woman.
They say it's nice to be nice... well sometimes it's stupid. Sometimes it's destructive. Sometimes it's better to be honest. Not rude, argumentative, critical or offensive... just honest. Constructive not destructive. There are ways of sharing an opinion (even if it's not one the receiver wants to hear) without being insulting or creating World War 3. A little short-term pain for some long-term gain.
So who are these seemingly opinion-less people? 1. People who want to keep the peace... "I don't wanna make waves" 2. People who are intimidated by someone else - parent, spouse, boss, coach and are too afraid to share their thoughts. 3. People who have 'learned' that having an opinion or independent thought is a waste of time - not something which will be respected or considered. 4. People whose desire to be liked and accepted is greater than their desire to be heard and respected. 5. People who feel it's not in their best short-term interest to tell the other person what they really think... telling your boss he's a tool (for example) may not always be a great strategy!
What are the long term consequences of not expressing your opinion? 1. Frustration, misery, sadness, resentment, anger. 2. A loss of identity. 3. An existence of compromise. 4. Unfulfilled potential. 5. Unhealthy relationships. 6. Constant mis-communication.
One of my biggest challenges as a speaker, writer and coach has been overcoming an inbuilt desire that I've had since I was a kid to 'please everyone' (an impossible notion). I always knew that it was stupid but I tried nonetheless until I was nearly thirty. Sad really. Didn't work. Please learn quicker than I did.
I realised pretty early in my speaking career (okay, coulda been earlier!) that I couldn't be true to myself (beliefs, values and philosophies) and keep everyone happy. So I had to accept that there would always be a percentage of people who would disagree with my thoughts and ideas and be critical of me. When I realised and truly accepted this fact, I became a better communicator and teacher because I wasn't constantly concerned about offending... I just knew I would!! I still exercise wisdom and discernment but I won't compromise what I believe to be the truth.
Too many teachers, motivators and coaches tell people what they want to hear. And while it might make some people feel better in the short term, it's actually a handicap in the long term because they avoid the truth. Too many people who call themselves leaders aren't; they are insecure, attention-seeking, people pleasers.
When not to speak your mind: When you're in the middle of an emotional, volatile situation (argument, confrontation) is notusually the best time to share your thoughts on certain matters. Sometimes good, often not. Expecting someone who's not in a place (mentally and emotionally) to listen to and genuinely consider your opinion (especially when it's something they don't wanna hear), is wishful thinking on your part. Note: There are also situations and circumstances where it may never be 'the right time' to share your thoughts because it can only result in a negative outcome for you. Dealing with an individual who is completely unreasonable, irrational or potentially violent requires a whole different set of rules and quite often we are wise to remove ourselves from that situation or circumstance, rather than try and 'educate' someone who really doesn't care what we think.
When and how to speak your mind: Assuming that the goal in sharing your opinion is to create positive change in a situation (not to offend someone or perpetuate an argument), it is often wise to be strategic (rather than reactive or impulsive) in terms of when, where and how you lay your cards on the table. Blurting out something which has been bothering you for three years while you're at the family picnic may not be the wisest choice. Planning, preparation and timing are crucial when it comes to the big stuff.
YOUR opinion is important. If you've never been told, I'm telling you... your opinion is important. If you don't know that, then learn it. No, this is not feel-good, self-help fluff; this is truth. Your opinion only becomes unimportant when youlet others devalue it. Don't let them. This doesn't mean you'll always be right... but right or wrong, your are entitled to an opinion, just as you are entitled to apologise or change your mind when you 'learn' another truth.
Having an opinion is not necessarily about right or wrong, it's more about freedom of expression, individuality and being you... not a replica of someone else. Too many of us live a life we didn't choose or desire because we are too afraid to speak up.
Sometimes I feel like I must have missed that group-memo coming into adulthood regarding the age-fun, inverted-correlation mandate. You know the one. The one that stipulates that as we age we are required to have proportionately less and less fun; also known as the Progressive Misery Theory. As a keen observer of human behaviour, I'm beginning to think that maybe there actually was such a memo.
So glad I missed it.
Have you ever noticed how boring, intense, predictable, grumpy and 'unfun' (a word) some grown-ups are lately? If any of you ever see me being that unpleasant, feel free to slap me.
"But Craig (said in a whiney, annoying voice) you don't understand my life, issues, problems, history, relationships, situation." "Yes, you are indeed unique to humanity, nobody has ever faced the adversity that you have.. . of course you should revel in your misery... if anyone rightfully deserves to be unhappy, it's you!! "
Please don't trip over my sarcasm as you walk through this post but I am sick of grumpy, miserable, Energy Vampires rationalising and justifying their perpetual long face and woe-is-me-ness.
Their shoulders must be so sore from carrying the world around.
Well, I dounderstand that people with terminal illnesses can, and do have fun (seen it)... and I do know that children living in poverty can play games and laugh every day (seen that too), and I do know that eighty year-olds can be fit, fun, positive, productive and amazing (seen it)... and I do know that quadriplegics can (amazingly) be more productive and have more fun without the use of their limbs because they make that choice (seen it).... so my theory is that there's a definite likelihood that your 'lack' of fun is less about your situation, circumstance or age and more about your shitty attitude.
Excuse my honesty. How dare I tell you what I think and what you don't wanna hear. Feel free to dislike me. Get in the (rather long) queue.
Ever noticed how some people always seem to have much more fun than most? Just lucky I guess. Or maybe because they choose fun. I've chosen fun.
There's a notion: fun is a choice.
Lately I feel like I've spent far too much time with, and around, the funpolice... those grumpy, judgemental, opinionated old farts who peer down their nose at anyone who isn't like them; mind-numbingly boring, miserable and predictable. They even justify their unpleasant disposition....
"You wouldn't understand adversity if it hit you on the head... back in my day.."
Whatever Grumps. Er, Gramps.
Here's another notion: it is possible to be mature, responsible, professional, intelligent, productive... and to have a truck-load of fun on a regular basis. It's also possible to do this at anyage.
By the way, 'fun' is healing. Money isn't. Neither are possessions.
I find it frustrating and sad that so many people seem to rationalise their behaviour because of their age. I am 45, 55, 65, 75... therefore I should do certain things, and not do others.
"We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing" How true.
Over the years I have run many camps and live-in personal and professional development programs for people of all ages... and to give ourselves a break from the cerebral 'classroom' stuff, we throw ourselves into some fun-based activities, challenges and games. Planned silliness. I gotta tell ya... people of all ages love games. And fun. And laughing their guts out. Get out a volleyball, football, basketball tug-of-war rope and watch people's eyes light up.
Following the games, physical challenges and activities (not the reason they came on the program by the way) people always come to me and say something like... "that's the most fun I've had in years..." When I suggest that they should invest more energy in 'fun' (games, silliness) and make it a regular part of their life, it's like they have a revelation! Yep, fun; you should give it a go... it's quite enjoyable."
Every day I give Johnnie (my right hand man) a hug. Every day he protests. He never reciprocates. I am relentless. Every day we wrestle (physically) as I do my best to share some 'Harper' love. He resists, tells me I'm an idiot and we laugh. He pretends he hates it... but he loves the love.
Sometimes I sneak up behind him. Inappropriate, silly behaviour. Fun.
A little spontaneous (or planned if you must) silliness is somewhat liberating. And healthy. It's been suggested that, for a person in my position, my behaviour is periodically juvenile and inappropriate.
Well, to all those old farts... I'd rather be inappropriate than YOU!
Last Saturday six hundred of my closest friends and I got together for a chat at the NetworkConvention (Annual Fitness Industry Shindig) here in sunny (drought-stricken) Melbourne. Well I spoke, they listened. Being the insecure only-child with a constant need for attention, that worked well.
"I'll stand up here and you all look at me for ninety minutes... okay?"
Perfect. We had a great time, lots of fun.
Seriously, the people from Network (Nigel and Lisa Champion) put on an amazing two days of education and inspiration for two thousand (or so) of Australia's information-hungry fitness professionals. Well done team.
While I really enjoyed presenting and no-one threw stuff at me (always a good sign), it was the trip into the city on my scooter which provided the comic relief and inspiration for my morning.
So there I was at seven thirty in the am, perched at an intersection waiting to turn onto Beach Road (the main road running along the Beach and into the city here in Melbourne) to head into the conference. I was sitting at the lights lost in my own thoughts when all of a sudden I became aware of a presence... no, not a poltergeist; a bloke on a mountain bike had pulled up along side me. Three feet away. Coulda touched him.
Game face on... waiting for the green signal. Like an Olympian waiting for the starters gun. Focused. Committed. And dressed atrociously. Didn't matter... it's all about function. I actually laughed in my helmet, he looked so funny. (No, he didn't hear me).
Here's the picture: Chubby guy, maybe thirty five years old and twenty kilos (44lbs) overweight. Ten year-old bike (at least) accessorised with one of those white and yellow foam helmets from the eighties strapped too tightly around his unshaven cheeks. Kind of like a chubby Adam Sandler.
Some twenty five year-old sneakers providing a home to two lovely brown business socks! A sweat-stained grey training-shirt, not quite covering the totality of his ample tummy. Some too-small black track pants revealing some pretty significant (and hairy) calves and just a hint of ass-crack. Nice. Classy.
All in all, quite the picture. So glad I hadn't eaten.
I looked over at him. He looked back. I gave the obligatory head nod. As us hard-core(!) scooter riders do. He looked back, smiled and opened his mouth to speak.
'He's up for a chat', I thought.
I lifted up the visor on my helmet.
"G'day Mate". "G'day." "How's the scooter go?" "Yeh, pretty well." "That's what I need; a motor." "You're doing okay." "I'm givin' it a crack anyway.." "In training for something?" "Yep, gettin' married in six weeks." "How's the progress?" "Great, lost six kilos (13lbs) in three weeks so far." "Good for you man, that's awesome."
He certainly was 'giving it a crack' and he turned out to be a really nice guy.
Just then the lights turned green and a large group of cyclists (all on their five thousand dollar road bikes and clad in the obligatory lycra) sped through the Beach Road intersection heading into the city also. Lance Armstrong (my new friend) and I pulled away from the lights and the funniest thing ever happened... Lance decided that he would attach himself to the back of the peloton (bunch of cyclists) and ride with them!!
This was amusing for all kinds of reasons... but here are my top five.
1. He was outa shape and relatively unfit - they were all serious, fit riders. 2. His bike was worth fifteen bucks (max), weighed fifty pounds, had knobbies (off-road tyres) and a bell. 3. They were all 'in uniform' and he looked like he'd just escaped from a shelter. 4. His helmet made him look like he was about to be shot out of a cannon. 5. He wasn't one bit worried about what anyone thought - I loved that about him.
So we were off... Lance and I followed the pretty boys on their over-priced 'Giants' and 'Cannondales' down Beach Road. His legs pumped like angry little pistons and I laughed so much that my helmet started to fog up. Within one minute he had caught the group and I thought he was about to expire. I tried to recall my first-aid... "is it five compressions per breath... or four?" He looked in pain.
"C'mon Big Fella", I yelled through my helmet.
His work rate increased. He was lovin' the love. I decided not to overtake the group (not hard to do considering I was the only one with a motor) and to coach my boy to the next set of lights. Such fun. Lance and I sat at the back of the pack, I offered more encouragement and his rapidly fatiguing pistons continued to pump.
About two km's (just over a mile) into the journey he turns and yells to me "how fast am I going?" How funny is that? I laughed my guts out. Again. Only an Aussie bloke who's near death would still care about... 'how fast he's riding'. If he was a she... not a chance.
I looked at my speedo. "About forty (25mph)." "I'm flying." (more laughs) "Yes, you are.."
And with those words.. the big man started to 'hit the wall'. His legs began to turn to rubber, his pink cheeks started to turn a lovely shade of grey and the friendly dialogue came to a standstill.
Lance began to drop off the back of the pack.
"C'mon Champ... don't let those pretty boys get away." He mustered one final heroic burst, kind of like Sly in the first Rocky movie (the only good one) and momentarily caught the group again... he hung on for a bit and then surrendered to his screaming body.
He was exhausted but triumphant. Strangely, I understood his triumph. To anyone else, me and my chubby athlete would have been a bizarre sight, but to us it was a significant moment.
The ex-fat kid was delighted to invest five minutes into the friendly chubby guy 'training' for his wedding day.
We pulled up at the next set of lights and Lance was breathing like an eighty year-old smoker with emphysema. But he was happy.
"Thanks Man." "You're welcome... keep up the great work and have fun on the big day." "I will..."
We exchanged a few more pleasantries, the lights turned green, we gave the alpha-male nod and I left the exhausted, but happy, groom-to-be to finish his training session.
I rode away with a big smile on my face. He was happy, I was happy... and the 'real' cyclists thought we needed help.
As I continued my journey into the conference, I thought about what Lance had taught me:
1) It's really easy to connect with people when we want to - especially when we make it about them. 2) Everyone responds to encouragement. 3) Most people like some attention and care. 4) It's amazing what a little support (even from a stranger) can do to a person's level of performance. 5) When we slow down and notice what (and who) is around us, there are lessons to be learned. 6) Helping a stranger can make me feel better than helping myself.
Thanks Lance. Enjoy your wedding day and your life with Mrs Lance.
Sorry I've been absent for a few days... needed to recharge my batteries. Had a great relaxing weekend but of course, I'm missing you all desperately; I'm only human. Wanna say hi to my new buddy, Internet marketing expert and fellow blogger, Brendon Sinclair. He's a lad from Queensland who I had lunch with on Friday and apart from the fact that his punctuality is crap and he's not nearly as funny as me, he's a good man with an even better son, Jack. Keep up the great work lads and thanks for the support and help Brendon.
On with today's post...
The importance of doing nothing? What kinda weird-ass title is that from a motivator dude? Surely it's important that we do something. This is a personal development site right?
Is it not a stupid notion for people who are all about maximizing their potential and living their ultimate life to do nothing? Why would Captain 'get-off-your-ass' suggest that we get back on it?
Yes, of course it's important that we do something. Followed by some regular nothing. And then a bit more something. And then... okay, you get it.
Let me know if I'm getting ahead of you.
The truth is that there comes a point where we are doing so much 'something' that we end up achieving a whole lotta nothing. Nothing positive anyway. We start to do more harm than good - to our career, our health, our relationships, our reputation, our 'creative well' and our emotional state.
And without an opportunity to step out of our busy-ness and into some tranquility - whatever that is for us personally (space, nature, quiet, sleep, music, play, meditation, holiday), we gradually become more miserable, more emotionally and mentally exhausted, more dysfunctional, less effective and eventually, completely unproductive and physically unwell.
Not to mention, unpleasant to be around. Well actually, I did mention it. Why do we use that expression? Stupid.
I digress.
As usual.
Sure, we can 'get away with it' for a while... but unbalanced lives inevitably lead to unbalanced individuals. Yep, seen it way too often. Knocked on the door myself. Not a good place to visit.
This is a lesson many high-achievers will learn - one way or another. Especially the blokes. Many men suffer from indestructible-itis. Or as you ladies might call it, stupidity.
Over the years, I have watched many people spontaneously-combust. Working themselves to misery. Heaps of money... and no life. No balance, no fun, no health.
Other than that, they've pretty much nailed it.
We all need some regular nothing. And by investing in some nothing we become more effective, more dynamic, more productive and more excited when we are doing the something. With me?
Just like our body needs recovery between training sessions, so too, our head and our heart need 'recovery' so that when we step back into the 'game', we're much more effective, we produce better results and we're in a much healthier place mentally and emotionally. When we're in our nothing phase is the best time for us to gain real perspective on where and how we invest our energy and talent... and how we're living our life.
If (for example) you manage to get yourself on a holiday and you discover that you're dreading going back to the pressure cooker that is your 'normal life', then there's a fair chance you need to make some big decisions and get the wheels of change turning.
Many reality-defining and life-changing decisions have been made when people get away from their (day to day) life... "so this is what the rest of the world looks like... cool".
It's often when we're away from our 'busy-ness' and routine (daily grind) that we gain some real clarity and perspective about where we should be (professionally, personally, even geographically) and where we should invest our time, talent and energy.
Maybe we should work less and play more? Maybe we'd be happier? Maybe we should hang out with our kids more and work colleagues less. Maybe we should try and make our body as healthy as our business. Maybe we should put as much energy into our significant relationships as we do with our careers... and lose the "but I'm doing this for you and the kids" martyr mantra.
Maybe we should move from Suburbia to Utopia. I've heard it's nice. Perfect even.
I have a theory that there's actually no correlation between increased (financial) wealth and increased happiness and contentment... in fact, I believe that often the opposite is true. I've worked with very wealthy people for years and I gotta tell ya... I'm glad I'm me!
And no, I'm not saying that money and happiness are mutually exclusive.. (of course there are plenty of rich, happy, balanced people), I am saying that when money (or the pursuit of it) becomes our identity, our primary reason for getting out of bed... then we're doomed.
"He who dies with the most toys wins" is meant to be a tongue-in-cheek comment on wealth and greed... but sadly, for some of the people I've met, it actually is their life philosophy.
So Saturday night I had ten hours sleep. Something of a record. And last night, nearly nine. A phenomenal achievement for the man who averages five to six. I would have slept longer this morning but I was woken up at eight by the deafening applause of every cell in my rejuvenated body giving me a standing ovation.
Even something as simple as extra sleep can make a significant difference with everything from physical health, to attitude, to creative output, to how we communicate, to how we manage stress.
I've spoken recently about the notion of less is more and how sometimes to produce better 'results' in all areas of our life we need to stop 'pushing' for a while, let our head, heart and body recover... and to let ourselves feel the sand between our toes, the breeze on our face and the sun on our back. Literally and metaphorically.
This past weekend I slid down to the beach house and did a lot of nothing much.
My mind is very happy with me; it needed some time out. My creative tank is full once again. I laughed at some mindless TV, ate food, read a book, watched some surfers play on the waves (not too many surfers die of a stress-related illness by the way!), walked barefoot in the sand and let the gentle sound of the ocean massage my tired brain back to health.
I hope you're all having a great Friday (or Thursday depending on where you are) and I hope that you are continuing to create momentum, continuing to stay committed to the goals you've set and I trust that today will be amazing for you because you have chosen that.
I'm gonna have fun today. I've made that decision. I may even misbehave a little.
Today there will be no video post (sorry, it will be up in the next few days) as I have a crazy-busy day of commitments here in the thriving metropolis of Melbourne, starting with a talk to six hundred 5-12 year-olds at St. Joan of Arc Primary School in about an hour from now (cute huh?), followed by filming my Foxtel show from the National Fitness Expo in the city and then a bunch of meetings with clever people.
So rather than me inspire, motivate or educate you today, I have a challenge for you... Why don't YOU step out of your own issues (metaphorically) for a day or so and 'be the change'. Leave your (emotional) garbage in the bin (forever would be good) and get yourself in a different head-space for a while (you might have some fun too).
Why don't you commit a random act of kindness, generosity or selflessness today and do something where there's nothing to gain for you. Stop being strategic for a moment and just be nice... crazy I know. Call me old-fashioned. Maybe something significant... above and beyond your normal fabulousness (a word). No agenda. Surprise you, surprise someone else, do it with absolute commitment and sincerity and tell me what you learn/experience.
It's amazing how the act of genuinely investing time, love and energy into others actually heals, develops and changes US for the better... without even trying to do that!! There's a lesson for you.
Recently I was asked this question in an interview:
"Why do most people who join gyms, start running programs, change their diet and set new lifestyle goals, appear to fail in the long term?" (The vast majority do fail, by the way).
My Answer? "Because they don't finish what they start."
Many of us are perpetually stopping and starting some kind of a new fitness, weight-loss or nutritional program... getting on and off the fat-loss, merry-go-round.
Some of us do it for a lifetime. There's an exercise in frustration right there. I know people who start again every Monday. That's gotta suck.
I think the interviewer was looking for something a little more technical. Some scientific breakthrough perhaps. Because we need more of that. She was disappointed, but actually, it is that simple - we don't persevere, we give up. And all the talent, potential, resources and opportunities will amount to zip, if we consistently throw in the towel.
Yep, it's true; the majority of us spend much of our lives starting and stopping a myriad of endeavours, only to end up back where we started, or worse. Sure, we get in shape. Then we get out of shape. It's what we do.
"No really, I'm doin' it, this time" "Sure you are Pinocchio"
Sound familiar?
Forever change (what we want) doesn't come without Total Commitment; a foreign concept to many of us. We don't deal in 'total commitment; we deal in 'moments of motivation.' Motivation doesn't produce forever results; it's temporary. As it comes and goes, so do the results.
Total commitment keeps us focused, proactive and creating results even when the motivation ain't there!!
When I'm looking for a new employee or someone to partner with on a project, I don't look for the 'motivated person', I look for the 'totally committed person'; someone who has completely bought into the vision of what we're about and where we're heading.
When you have totally bought into something (physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially, practically) you will always find a way to succeed. You will get the job done. While others fall by the wayside, you will remain. Your commitment leaves you no choice. Real commitment gives you stability. Confidence. Momentum.
Getting in shape (for life) ain't about program design, genetics, rowers, striders, fat-blaster tabs, treadmills or carbs after three... it's about our ability to finish what we start; our level of commitment. Just like building a successful business is not about how clever we are, what we know or where we went to college. Sure, they are issues... but they are not the issue.
A little over a year ago I didn't even know what a blog was but because Johnnie and I are totally committed to the project, I know it will work. It is working. Not because we're clever or talented (okay, he is) but because we won't give up. We will persevere. We have made many mistakes and encountered many... 'lessons' along the way but because we are totally committed to our vision for this site, we don't think about 'quitting', we only think about how to keep moving forward. How to find a way.
I personally know several people who have started their own blog over the last year. People with as much, if not more talent, than me. Clever people who can talk a good game. They got all excited for a while (motivation) but when the reality of creating and growing a successful blog over the long term set in (constant hard work), they were found wanting (no commitment). And now, no blog.
See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.
Some of us live a life of cycles: In shape, out of shape. Fit, fat. Doing, not doing. Motivated, demotivated. In the 'zone', on the couch. Up, down. On, off.
Are you tired of it yet?
If you want to experience some real change in your world, I'm suggesting that you find some real commitment.
Before I begin... Hi Guys, we are having a few technical problems at the minute with our blogging/publishing software... so we are seeing some weird cyber-behaviour (like posts disappearing from the home page). So, if you come to the site and the cupboard is bare (there's no update), panic not... I have not sailed off into the distance. It should all be sorted in the next day or so... or hopefully by the time you read this.
Here's my simple take on what some people make, a complex issue; how we use or manage our Emotional Energy (EE). It's a precious and powerful commodity and it needs to be invested wisely and thoughtfully.
Forgive my simplicity, I'm a bloke. And as I am constantly reminded by the numerous females in my world, we men are such basic creatures. I could say much about that kind of thinking but I read somewhere that less is more, so I'm going with... less. I choose to revel in my simplicity. And brevity.
In life, we get a bunch of stuff... A bunch of days on the earth. A bunch of heartbeats. A bunch of opportunities. A bunch of ability. A bunch of potential. A brain. Some limbs. A family. A few friends. A free will. And a finite amount of emotional energy.
I say finite because there are times when it seems to run out. I've seen it. And when a person's EEis no more... invariably their life (or quality of life),is no more. They give up. They move from living, to existing.
A modern Zombie; going through 'the motions' of life. You've seen it; people who seem to have their 'life-force' drained out of them. Maybe at times you are that 'people'. Er, person.
Simulated living... looks like living, but isn't.
To a large extent, our life-reality (what we will do, be, have, create, experience) will be dependant on where and how we 'invest' our EE.
Why? Because our emotions largely influence (if not, determine) our decisions and behaviours, which in turn determine what we practically experience... and what we do and don't achieve each day. Month, year, decade. Lifetime.
By the way, 'where we live' has nothing to do with geography and everything to do with how we invest our EE. And some of us have been living in a bad place for a long time. That's right, we actually need to think about our EE; it's probably our most mis-managed resource.
It worries me that many of us don't use it wisely.
We don't plan, we just react... wasting one of our most precious commodities. We squander mountains of EE on things which are beyond our control (situations, circumstances, other people, genetics, history), while not really investing it in the stuff we can change... our attitudes, choices, reactions, communication style, habits, behaviours - which in turn affect all the practical stuff - our financial situation, relationships, career, physical health and our day to day human experience.
Instead of recognising it and using it as the great source of power and leverage it can be in our lives, we invest it in anger, jealousy, resentment, bitterness and hatred; the stuff that makes us psychologically, emotionally and physically sick. The stuff that stops us from growing, learning and evolving. And being happy. Remember happy? Those were the days.
And when I say that it makes us sick, I am not speaking metaphorically. There is an absolute correlation between where and how we spend our emotional pennies... and our physical health. Many (many, many, many) people have made themselves physically ill and, in my opinion, killed themselves by not managing their EE wisely.
That's what I call a poor return on your investment. Real poor.
Fortunately for you and I, every day is a new opportunity to invest in the positive and turn our back on the negative. To become smart investors. To find the good, even in a bad situation. To ask the right questions. To find the lesson. To invest our EE in finding solutions, where we once regularly put ourselves into emotional bankruptcy by focusing on our problems. To control the stuff we can and let go of the stuff we can't. It's possible. In fact, probable... when we make that decision.
Think this is all pure self-help hyperbole?
That's your choice. Your mistake. This lesson can be a life-changing truth if you make it that. Or it can be 'just another thing' you read.
You know that anger's a choice right? No!! Yep. "But that's how I'm wired." Crapola. That's what you choose.
And bitterness, jealousy, resentment? Them too; bad investments.
Waddabout hatred? Oh yeh, that's gonna kill ya. By Tuesday. Walking around full of hate? You may as well smoke three hundred cigarettes a day, you'll achieve the same result.
As I've said many times before on this site, every day we are given the opportunity to have an amazing day despite what happens or doesn't happen on that day. When we really learn (as in live in thistruth) that amazing days are not dependant on events, situations, circumstances, other people or luck but how and where we invest our emotional energy, then we'll start to realise our potential, knock down some barriers and see some real (forever) change.
Okay, so I may get a few noses out of joint with this article but I'd rather write what I believe to be true, than to try and appease the masses.
There's a shock.
Q. You know what I love about writing on my own site, rather than writing for a magazine? A. No editors to dilute my message.
Creative freedom. Aaah.
Journalistic bliss.
A while ago I met with a woman and her nineteen year-old daughter who (for many reasons) had a life which was, at worst, teetering on the brink of disaster, and at best, going nowhere fast. The young woman had significant personal issues (as we all do from time to time) and so the mother made an appointment for the two of them to meet with me, to see if we could possibly come up with some type of strategy to turn things around.
No biggie.
"As long as she is genuinely ready to change and be honest and responsible, we'll have no problems", I told the mother on the phone before the meeting.
Don't turn up if she's not genuinely ready to do the things necessary to create forever change.
As I sat and spoke with the two of them, it became apparent that they were both of the opinion that she (the daughter) had ended up where she was by some stroke of bad luck, or some kind of cosmic retribution.
Apparently the universe was conspiring to make her life a misery.
Fate perhaps.
Crap... perhaps (I thought).
Poor baby.
Here's a snapshot of her situation:
Wealthy family. Left school at sixteen to 'work' in the family business. Hated work and rarely turned up. Always too unwell to work.. but well enough to party. Smoked dope every day. Morbidly obese. Parents who 'love' her, but facilitated her crap because there had never been any real consequences for her destructive, deceptive, selfish behaviour.
Mummy and Daddy always bailed her out. (Parents who do this actually perpetuate the problem).
The mother informed me that her daughter had always had terrible luck with friends, relationships, school, teachers and with drugs!
How on earth does someone have terrible luck with drugs?
She then shared that she didn't "feel it was her daughter's destiny to live the life she was living."
I told mum that I didn't believe in the (mainstream) concept of destiny.
I told her that I believe it is the refuge of the indecisive, the lazy and the deluded.
I told her that destiny was a convenience for people who didn't want to take responsibility for what they make (or don't make) of their life.
She gave me the maternal death-stare.
I ploughed on relentlessly. 'She hates me anyway', I thought.
I turned to the daughter:
"I believe your life is a disaster largely because of the decisions you have and haven't made, and the things you have and haven't done."
It's about choices. Simple.
"If you decide to do different, think different, react different, eat different, live different and communicate different.... you'll be different."
"But creating your best life has nothing to do with destiny... and everythig to do with decisions."
People sprinkle conversations with terms like destiny, fate, chance and luck, so they don't actually have to take responsiblity for their reality.
Historically, now or in the future.
If destiny is some pre-ordained series of events, circumstances, situations and experiences which are to 'happen to us' over the course of our lifetime, then we don't actually have to do anything.... because whatever will be, will be.
It's all beyond our control anyway.
Pathetic.
Sometimes we romanticise our existence here on the big green ball with fluffy, vague, feel-good, mumbo-jumbo philosophies.
And in doing so we:
Fail to deal with realities of the human experience. Fail to scrape our knees and learn. Fail to feel and experienceall life has to offer. Fail to be responsible for our own journey. Fail to grow as we could and should. Fail to live, laugh, love and learn.
Well the good news is.. after hating my guts for an hour or so, a little weeny light started to flicker somewhere way back in the darkest recesses of their respective heads... And for maybe the first time, mother and daughter started to consider things from a new perspective and explore the 'what ifs'.
A year on (and a few chats later), junior is back studying, 30 kgs (66lbs) lighter, still hating me periodically (and occasionally loving me), drug-free and a completely different person.
Yesterday I spent some time with a bloke who is educated, creative, articulate, confrontational, blunt, controversial, honest and friggin' funny.
According the world-famous Harper Success-O-Meter, he's very successful (ticks lots of boxes), is well known and respected, is down to earth, and while he can identify a problem, he's all about solutions.
Love that in a person.
He's Australia's highest profile medic, has his own TV show on Channel Nine, has written a bunch of books, is an internationally renowned educator and speaker, has travelled to, and researched in, 103 countries, and his name is Dr. John Tickell.
While I have interviewed the great man on my radio show, we'd never shared a cuppa and it was fantastic to get him down to the Harperdome, and to spend some quality time with someone whom I respect as a teacher and motivator. He's also someone who absolutely walks the talk and doesn't pull any punches.
I'm sure we could run a joint workshop called: 'How to offend people and get them in shape at the same time.'
I always say to people "I can tell you what you want to hear, or I can tell you the truth."
The Doc is a bit the same; I don't think he's too worried about getting the odd nose out of joint, as long as he doesn't have to compromise what he knows to be the truth.
We spoke about a whole bunch of interesting stuff, learned a bit about each other, exchanged some books (I defininitely got the better deal) and then we parted company.
Last night I read his latest book, 'The Calorie Comparison Guide' and it is a fantastic resource. In the first few pages he lovingly and gently destroys most of the popular diets, explains his rationale clearly and effectively, and then proceeds to unpack his simple, yet enlightening message on nutrition. In a world full of technical, fluffy, mumbo-jumbo crap, he beautifully articulates what most can't.
Good work Doc.
I'm always intrigued by successful, clever, creatives.. and after chatting with him and reading his book, I tried to figure out what makes him the best in his field.
I could have come up with:
1. He's highly intelligent and knowledgable (he is, but so are plenty of others).
2. He's well managed and promoted (maybe, but that's not it).
3. He's a great goal setter and visionary (maybe, but nuh).
4. He's funny and entertaining (close).
Here's what I did come up with:
1. He is where he is largely, because he's an incredible communicator.
2. It's not about his knowledge, his qualifications or some razzle-dazzle publicity machine; he simply takes the time and effort to connect with people. Very effectively.
3. He reads people (individuals and crowds) beautifully.
4. He has a gift for making people laugh, smile and enjoy themselves, while simultaneously punching them in the head with some tough love.
5. He addresses complex (and simple) scientific principles in a language that anyone can understand.
6. He listens, asks relevant questions, maintains eye contact, remembers and uses people's names.
7. He is genuinely interested in people.
8. He's not a 'people-pleaser', not a politician and understands when to speak and when to listen.
Whether you're a high profile doctor, a brick-layer, a student or a manufacturer of widgets, if your goal is to create a 'better' reality, then work consciously at becoming a better communicator.
Here are my Top-Ten Communication Tips:
1. Genuinely listen to, and thoughtfully consider, what the other person is saying - as opposed to waiting for a gap in the conversation to impose your opinion.
2. Talk at people's level of understanding - don't try and intimidate or impress.
3. Watch. Communication is 93% non-verbal. Watching someone will often tell you more about them than listening will.
4. Ask open-ended questions; questions which can't be answered by 'yes' or 'no'.
5. Empathise. Do your best to put yourself in their shoes and see things through their eyes.
6. Make the conversation about them, not you. Leave your ego at the door.
7. Find something to (genuinely) compliment them about.
8. Read 'How to win friends and influence people', Dale Carnegie, 1936; a pioneer and a master communicator.
9. Remember and use names. I introduced the Doc to six people and as he left, he said goodbye to all of them and used their names. The net result? They all love him.
10. Don't over-talk. Great communicators don't necessarily talk the most. Sometimes the less we say (verbally), the greater the impact.
Listen to my recent interview with the great man here.
So we've covered a fair bit of the motivational and head stuff recently. Now I reckon it's time to stop talking and start doing.
We've discussed how and why we think, feel, react, process and behave the way we do.We've looked at creating change from an emotional, psychological and spiritual perspective, now we need to roll up our sleeves and move from the theoretical to the practical.
Here's my7-Step Positive Change Model:
Step 1. Identify what's held you back in the past and do something about it. If you don't address the things which have limited you in the past, all the planning, dreaming and hoping will amount to nothing. Be honest, be realistic and don't be precious. Typically, things like laziness, procrastination, fear, dis-organisation, ignorance, pride, lack of planning and research, and poor preparation stop people from succeeding.
Remember:If nothing changes, nothing changes. And..... If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
Step 2. Make real decisions. You know the ones.
Not the fluffy, which-socks-will-I-wear-today decisions... but those massive, I'm-gonna-change-my-life decisions.
Step 3. Set specific goals around those decisions. Might be behavioral goals: I will walk to work three days per week. Every week. Health goals: I will lose 10kgs (22lbs) over the next ten weeks. Career or financial goals: I will open my own business within 18 months. Lifestyle goals: I will take a minimum of four weeks holiday annually. Fitness/sporting goals: I will complete a half marathon within six months. Personal development goals: I will read Craig's site every day for an hour!
Specific, measurable and time-based goals work best. They keep us accountable and pro-active.
Vague goals suck. I wan't to feel better - crap goal (vague, wishy-washy) I want to lower my blood pressure to 120/75 and lose 10% body-fat - good goal (specific, measurable).
Step 4. Create a plan You know where you want to go, now you need to figure out how you'll get there. You won't accidentally succeed.
Passion, commitment, determination and positive attitude are important, but if you don't have a map, you'll never arrive at your preferred destination.
Planning, preparation, research, time-management; all crucial and necessary success ingredients.
Many people fail simply because they are dis-organised and haven't planned appropriately.
Passion will only get you so far. We need to attach that passion to an intelligent plan.
Step 5. Take action and keep taking action Doers succeed.
Do something (big or small) today which will get you closer to where you want to be. Make a phone call. Buy some runners. Make an appointment. Go for a jog. Clean out your pantry. Fix a broken relationship (you know the one). Start reading food labels. Enrol in a course. Buy a diary. Get uncomfortable. Do it again tomorrow.
Step 6. Improvise, adapt, overcome, deal with set-backs Often the most successful person is simply the one who deals most effectively with hurdles, obstacles and challenges.
Two people go through the same experience:
One says: "I gave it a shot and I failed." The other says: "Okay, so that didn't work, I think I'll try it this way."
One calls a particular experience 'failure', the other calls it 'a lesson'.
Perspective. Can make or break us.
Easy to talk yourself into failure.
Step 7. Finish what you start The number one reason we don't achieve what we set out to is... we don't finish what we start.
We are a nation of people who are constantly starting and stopping things.
Consistency is the key.
Why don't most people who join gyms achieve their goals? They don't go.
They start but they don't finish.
Even when the motivation wears off (and it will) do it anyway. Even when it ain't fun (and it won't be sometimes) do it anyway. When most throw in the towel, stay committed.
If you want to be like everybody else, then do what they do.
If you want to be exceptional, then do exceptional things.
I have a friend who spends her life not making decisions.
Life kind of happens around her. In spite of her.
She thinks a lot. Talks a lot. Waits a lot.
She's very intelligent and analytical. And miserable. And fearful. And frustrated. And unfulfilled.
"But, what if I do this and that happens...or this... or that?"
Always just about to change her life.
Any moment now.
If only she would make a friggin' decision.
Any decision.
I wanna hit her over the head with my indecision bat. In a loving way.
Every day of our lives we have the opportunity to step out of mediocre and into amazing. If only we have the guts to make decisions. Real decisions.
All successful endeavours come about because someone, somewhere at some point in time, had the guts to decide.
Whether it was popular, convenient, practical, easy or comfortable, they did it. They had an idea, they made a decision, they took action and they created something from nothing. And in doing so, they developed new skills, new strength and new perspective.
We all know what we need to do. But it's uncomfortable, so we avoid it.
Building our best life is actually quite simple.
But we have a gift for making the simplest things complex.
We hate discomfort, so we do everything we can to avoid making those uncomfortable decisions.
Life's uncomfortable. Relationships are uncomfortable. Personal growth is uncomfortable. Decision making is uncomfortable.
Get used to it.
You know what you need to do. You've known for a while.
The other day I was on my way to do some radio stuff when I happened across two people (a couple) in their car, who were having the marital spat of the century.
Clearly, not happy.
You generally don't expect too much entertainment sitting in traffic, but it's fair to say that they were providing quite the distraction for everyone within a two hundred metre radius.
I was about five cars away and I could hear every word. None of which I would share with Grandma Harper. Next set of lights I pulled up beside them and glanced in their direction (couldn't help myself). Big mistake. At the same time, the woman (a little charmer) turned away from her bloke, realised I was looking (how dare I), and screamed at me:
What are the f... are you looking at?
I felt like saying "you two dickheads creating a scene", but realising she could probably kick the crap out of me, I opted for the girlie option and said nothing.
Embarrassing I know.
Have you ever watched an argument from a distance? Two people screaming, nobody listening, tension, frustration, spit, tears, elevated blood pressure, increased heart rate, cardio vascular stress, production of potentially harmful hormones (adrenalin, cortisol), not to mention the social, emotional and psychological discomfort two angry, insensitive, stupid idiots can create for everyone (kids, friends, work colleagues, strangers) within ear-shot.
Some of us regularly live in a negative and destructive emotional state.
Not you or I, of course, but possibly someone we know. Well.
We whinge, we complain, we blame, we judge, we criticise, we resent, we envy and generally we're unpleasant to be around (periodically at least).
We get ourselves into an unproductive, destructive, negative state and we 'create' new problems.
We need to ask ourselves a few things:
1. Do these negative emotions (jealousy, resentment, anger, bitterness, greed, envy, etc.) fix anything, or create any positive outcomes?
2. By me getting myself into a negative state, who is most likely to suffer?
3. Am I (really) honest with myself or am I happy to blame anything and anyone for my problems and circumstances?
4. Do I really want my life / situation / body / relationships to change for the better... or do I like to revel in my own misery? Do I really want to change things, or do I want someone else to fix it?
We rarely think it's us. We always think we're right, they're wrong and they just don't get it.
Or get us.
We keep looking for the person who will 'get' us.
But at the same time, we spend our entire life not listening, not understanding, not empathising and not trying to 'get' others.
Sometimes the simple act of listening to someone, rather than talking at them will fix things.
Chat with someone who's having problems with a partner, friend or work colleague; you're never gonna hear: "you know what, I've been a real pain in the arse lately; I never listen, I'm inconsiderate and I only ever see things from my point of view. I really think I need to apologise and change." "And by the way; she's fantastic and I really appreciate her."
Ain't gonna happen. But it should.
The truth is; it's always us. At least a bit. No matter how right we think we are, understand this... it's always about us. In some way, on some level.
Even if someone is difficult, we still contribute.
I often tell people (who are giving me their version of the truth) that I believe they are the problem; even if they are my friends. Just because I care about someone, doesn't mean they're always right.
Keep this in mind: you might be the greatest person, with the best motives and the nicest nature... and still offend, hurt and insult those around you (without ever intending to, or without even being aware).
I know, I've been offending people for years! ...don't mean to, but still do it. Even with a post like this, someone will have a positive revelation and write to thank me for the insight; another person will get offended and hate what I've written.
Now before I get a hundred negative responses to this little piece, I want to acknowledge that there are times when it is very understandable that we get ourselves into a negative place. I also acknowledge that many people suffer from serious psychological and emotional issues which won't be fixed overnight.
That's not who I'm talking about here. I'm talking about people who constantly make life and relationships harder than they need to be. By choice.
I spend lots of time with lots of people... and I am always interested in how people choose to deal with situations and circumstances.
People who choose to be angry - I don't mean for three minutes, or every now and then, I mean people who are generally angry, grumpy and bitter; you know these people.
Choose to be resentful. Choose to be bitter. Choose to be jealous. Choose to be greedy. Choose to blame.
Therefore; choose to be unhappy and unfulfilled. Choose mediocrity. Choose to be alone.
Think about it; who wants to be around someone who is negative all the time.
If you want to be loved, needed, wanted, liked, respected ... then give people a reason. Be the person that people want to hang around.
Choose to be positive, not negative. Choose to be proactive, not reactive. Choose to see the good, not the bad. Choose to make others feel great, rather than yourself look good. Choose to listen. Choose to understand. Choose to change yourself for the better.
Sometimes getting yourself in a better place mentally and emotionally, is about asking the right questions:
Wrong Question Why was I given these genetics? Right Question With my genetics, what's best way for me to eat and exercise to optimise my potential?
Wrong Question How come I always get injured and can't train? Right Question Now that I'm injured, what can I do to remain active and maintain momentum?
Wrong Question Why does he / she always react like that? Right Question What am I doing to contribute to the problem?
Wrong Question Why doesn't he / she listen? Right Question What's the most effective way for me to communicate with this person, to create the best outcome?
Wrong Question Why is he / she so difficult? Right Question What can I do to improve things between us? Right Question Why am I so difficult?
Wrong Question When will things finally go my way? Right Question What can I do right now to change my reality?
Wrong Question Why does this always happen to me? Right Question What do I do to make this happen?
Wrong Question Who will help me? Right Question Who can I help?
Wrong Question Why have I had such a crappy past? Right Question How can I have an amazing future?
So, last night I had dinner with Bono. And the Edge.
Kind of.
Okay, I ate a chicken pie at the U2 concert.
But in my mind, I ate dinner, Bono was there.
Therefore; dinner with Bono.
Life on planet Craig; Great. You should visit.
When I bought my two VIP tickets, for a lazy $440, I stupidly assumed that I might actually get to see the great man.
The greatest (if not the tallest) rock star in the world.
If only I had taken my telescope.
If only the venue didn't cover three suburbs.
If only I had that bionic eye operation.
If only he wasn't three feet tall.
The sound was phenomenal but for all I know, it could have been Cuba Gooding Jnr. up there lip-sincing.
For two hours I watched a singing ant in sun glasses.
And when I couldn't be bothered squinting at the ant, I watched the giant TV screen.... but for all I know, they could have been playing some footage from an old concert.
Come to think of it, he did look a few years younger.
The thing with us Personal Development types is, we're always talking about creating our best life.
Success.
Whatever that is.
We know that success is represented by different things for different people, but society teaches us that success is typically about money, position, attractiveness, power and influence.
Some more evolved souls have philosophies like:
"We make a living by what we get, We make a life by what we give" (Winston Churchill)
Over the last few months I have done some work with a bloke, who by most people's standards, is considered to be incredibly successful. I can't be too specific for obvious reasons, but I can tell you that, despite his significant commercial success, he is, in most areas of his life, a self-confessed failure. For the purpose of this little chat, we'll call him Subject A.
Over the last thirty-three years I have had a relationship with another bloke, who happens to be my best friend in the world and, I guess by society's standards, he's your typical Aussie lad. No high-flyer; just your meat and potatoes ripper bloke. We'll call him Subject B.
Let's take a snapshot of each bloke:
Subject A Early 50's. Stinking rich. Miserable, unfulfilled. Stressed, anxious. On wife no.4, a bunch of kids, step kids and ex-step kids. Five houses. Triple by-pass in his forties. Lots of medication. Unfulfilled, lonely, insecure. Kind of scared about his future (tough to admit but true). Got everything and nothing.
Subject B 43. 1 wife, 3 kids, 1 dog. A nice house in the country on a few acres. Works on an oil rig, 7 days on, 7 days off. Like all of us, has tough days, but if he was a dog, he'd be a Golden Retriever; just happy to see you, tail always wagging.
The world-famous Harper 'Success-O-Meter' works like this:
There are ten success categories, and in each category the subject is scored either a one (positive response), or a zero (negative).
Here's what the resultant scores indicate:
0 - 3: Really need to stop, re-assess, and make some significant life-decisions.
3 - 5: Has some periodic joy and fun, but overall life's kinda average and blah.
6 - 8: Going okay, at times great. Still need to work on a few things though (as we all do).
9 - 10: Got it sorted. Keep doing what you're doing... and teach others.
This is how I would rate the lads... er, subjects:
1. Physical Health Subject A: 0 Subject B: 1
2. Financial Health Subject A: 1 Subject B: 1
3. Laugh / Fun Factor (he/she laughs and has fun, often) Subject A: 0 Subject B: 1
4. Psychological Health (typically positive outlook, optimist, great attitude, has the ability to 'switch off' from distractions like work etc., deals well with challenges) Subject A: 0 Subject B: 1
5. Emotional Health (can receive love easily, typically content, calm, relaxed, fulfilled, can and does express feelings easily to all loved ones, is okay with crying, good self-esteem, not insecure, can and does make others feel good about themselves) Subject A: 0 Subject B: 1
6. Social Health (has, and invests time in, meaningful friendships, goes on regular holidays, hangs out, enjoys socialising, allows themself to prioritise friends, has genuine 'down time', others enjoy being around this person) Subject A: 0 Subject B: 1
7. Spiritual Health (has some kind of spiritual beliefs and invests time and energy developing on that level, performs self-less acts of kindness, gives without expecting or wanting anything in return, open to learning and growing on a spiritual level, has faith) Subject A: 0 Subject B: 1
8. Family Life (spends significant time with family, is not typically selfish, is happy to invest practically, emotionally and psychologically into the family, loves being with and prioritises family) Subject A: 0 Subject B: 1
9. Career / Vocation (looks forward to work, is stimulated and challenged by it, enjoys it, has fun at work, has made his/her passion their career, not a work-a-holic, has good work/life balance, does not try and meet emotional, psychological and/or social needs, through work) Subject A: 0 Subject B: 1
10. Personal Growth (is genuinely interested in developing on all levels, wants to learn, grow and change for the better, is a student of life, can accept constructive feedback, is proactive not reactive, is not lazy, does not typically procrastinate or make excuses, is prepared to get uncomfortable) Subject A: 1 Subject B: 1
Overall Scores: Subject A: 2 Subject B: 10
So, it seems that the humble dad, husband and tradesman is actually one of the most successful people I know.
Of course, how someone will score in any 'evaluation' depends completely on the criteria by which that individual is judged. I have no doubts that some people will not agree with my judging criteria, that's okay; they don't have to.
That's why it's called the Harper Success-O-Meter!
The important thing is that we periodically take the time to step back from the mayhem that is, our reality, and see if we really are living a life which is consistent with our beliefs, values, standards, principles and goals.
By the way, I have nothing against people making truck loads of money. I have a problem when that money becomes a person's identity.
People often say "money is the root of all evil", which is a mis-quote of a scripture which actually says, "the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil" (1 Timothy, 6:10).
So, money's not the problem, what it represents to (some) people, is the problem.
The take-home message?
"It doesn't matter what's happening on the outside (what the world sees), if we're not genuinely working on the inside."
Faux Pas: a slip or blunder in etiquette, manners, or conduct; an embarrassing social blunder or indiscretion.
Last weekend I was at my beach house, away from the rat-race and blissfully, in the middle of nowhere (I love nowhere). Like many areas, it is an internet-unfriendly zone. In order for me to get on-line and be able to write, I needed to drive for fifteen minutes, find reception and do some work in my car, while I listened to the surf. So that's what I did last Sunday at 8am.
I found a massive car park (maybe 400 spaces) overlooking the water, with not a soul to be seen. Solitude.
Me, 399 empty spaces, four seagulls and some waves.
I'm lovin' it.
I hop in the passenger side so I can open my laptop without the encumbrance of the steering wheel and fire that bad boy up. Bliss.
For a moment.
I had been parked for a few minutes when a fifty-something, with a cancer stick hanging out the side of his gob pulls into the parking space next to me. There's 399 spaces to choose from and he not only parks in the adjoining space, but he parks so close that I could reach out and touch (punch) him through his open window. Just as his cigarette smoke begins to violate my clean air, he opens his door.
Thank goodness.
He's going for a walk.
Nope, he's not getting out.
No, he 's actually leaning out of his car and spitting out a big, wad of white, phlegmy crap. But not before he clears his throat for twenty seconds, to make sure he doesn't leave any in there.
So glad I haven't had my porridge.
He slags, wipes his mouth, shuts the door and takes another drag on the cancer stick.
"Am I invisible", I ask myself.
I sit in my car revolted, amused and curious as to why a person behaves this way, and obviously considers it okay to do so.
What goes on in someone's head for them to be so socially unaware and inappropriate?
What made him park his car one foot from mine? What made him think it was okay to blow smoke in my window? What made him do the whole spitting thing?
Anyway, he finished his little ritual, reclined his seat half way and then produced a newspaper from the passenger seat. Fabulous. He's staying.
I decided that I would exercise some focus and concentration, do my work and ignore him.
This worked for a few minutes until he distracted me out of the corner of my eye fossicking for snot.
Now I know you probably think I have a propensity to take poetic license but I am not fibbing; his index finger had all-but disappeared up his nose.
I actually laughed out loud.
I finished my work and drove home wondering why some people are so socially inappropriate and so seemingly, unaware.
Why does the fat bloke with the baggy, home-boy jeans think the world actually wants to look at his horrible, hairy ass-crack?
Has no-one told him? Did his parents not share that life-lesson?
So for the sake of my own amusement, hopefully yours, and possibly a little healthy debate, I have decided to list my top ten social no no's. Keeping in mind that what qualifies as a Faux Pas will vary from culture to culture (burping for example), I think the following might be universally cringe-worthy.
Number Ten People who talk inappropriately loud for the situation or environment they are in. Typically found in restaurants, trains and hotel lobbys. Usually blokes. Usually forty(ish). Usually have two mobile phones and often have their car keys clipped to their hip.
Number Nine Close talkers (as featured in Seinfield). Also known as the space invader (see previous post). Insist on standing on top of you to chat. Always have bad breath. Always boring. Often have big foreheads.
Number Eight People who laugh hysterically at their own jokes. The only people who don't know they're not funny, is them. Often have white stuff in the corner of their mouth. Sad.
Number Seven People who point out to tall people that they are tall. "Thanks for the revelation, Sherlock."
Number Six The monobrow. We all have to contend with genetics, but their ain't no justifying a six-inch eye brow. One word; wax.
Okay two; pain.
Number five Talking about people (who are in the room) as though they're not there. Usually done by stupid, insensitive parents, in front of their insecure, shy, teenage kid.
"No, Jason's not very good at sports, but he has a real flair with fabrics and pastry."
Number Four People who always bring every conversation and story back to themselves. They never actually listen to anyone else; they merely wait for an gap in the conversation. They don't talk with people, they talk at them. The very thing they want (to impress) is the opposite of what they achieve.
Number Three People who are clearly not in need of a feed, jostling and elbowing for position at the buffet. Seemingly in a frenzy to see exactly how much food can be squeezed onto one plate, and how many re-appearances they can make at the trough, before the food runs out. Invariably they will say something like: "wow, I was so hungry... I never eat like this."
Sure.
Number Two Asking the pregnant lady (who isn't actually pregnant) how long she has to go. Oops.
Number One Body Odour. Why don't smelly people know they smell?
Is it all odours they can't detect, or just the one's they produce? We've all worked, or gone to school with the really stinky guy who has absolutely no idea how pungent he is.
For most of us, the gigantic yellow armpit stains and the flies would be a give-away, but not him.
Over the years plenty of well-intending people who are (apparently) much smarter, much more experienced and much wiser than me, have tried to help me steer the 'SS Harper' (AKA my life, my career).
Don't do this. Don't do that. There's no market for that. That concept won't work in Australia. You'll never get that published. You need to spend...... on marketing. You need business experience to make a business work. You're too young. You're too old. You're too fat. You need more experience. Now's not the right time. You need to learn more. You need a degree. You need another degree. When the time's right, things will just fall into place. You'll never make money in the fitness industry.
The truth is, most people don't really have a clue when it comes to the world of possibilities and potential.
They spend their life sabotaging their own dreams, and talking themselves and everyone in their world, into mediocrity.
Sometimes the combination of ignorance, inexperience and passion can be a winning formula.
Sometimes common sense is our biggest hurdle. Sometimes 'common sense' is a synonym for fear.
Learning by doing beats learning by listening every time.
I'm so glad I was too dumb to listen to all my clever advisors.
Recently I was interviewed by Sensis, publishers of Australia's White and Yellow Pages directories, about creating and maintaining a successful business.
My company, Harpers Personal Training, which has been around for nearly twenty years (I started it when I was six) is one of the largest, appointment only, personal training centres in the world.
My team of trainers (nearly fifty of them) conduct over 1,500 personal training sessions weekly with everyone from the morbidly obese to elite athletes, kids to grandparents and the stressed business person to the teenager who wants to learn some self-defense.
We also do lots of others interesting, fun stuff with all types of organisations, teams and companies.....
As blokes, there are some questions that we really don't want to hear.
Ever.
There are no winners with these questions.
The Bermuda Triangle of conversation. Many, many men have been lost in there, never to return.
These questions are pointless and problematic, and have been asked by women since the dawn of time.
While most historians and archeologists claim that the dinosaur and sabre-toothed tiger killed off Cro-Magnon man, it was actually the question:
"Ogg, does my bum look big in this bear-skin?"
All Ogg had to do was hesitate.... and he was beaten to death with his own club.
Sad.
Not to mention the humiliation in front of his buddies.
So, why do women do it to us poor defenseless blokes? Ain't gonna be no joy for nobody, so why ask?
Relationship suicide.
If we give the answer the woman doesn't want to hear, we're stuffed.
If we give the answer she does want to hear, she doesn't believe us.
We're stuffed.
The un-answerable questions I call them.
As the Alpha-Male of the species, the obvious choice is to avoid them all together, but if an un-answerable question comes your way, you've gotta try something.... so here are your best options:
1. Counter her question with your own interrogation: "when were you going to tell me about those three hundred dollar shoes?" Attack is your best defence.
2. Start crying and tell her you're confused.
3. No matter what you really think, answer quickly, confidently and loudly with these words: "you look amazing." Maintain eye contact and don't blink. The blink will get you killed.
4. Shift her focus; grab your chest and tell her you've got pins and needles down your left arm.
5. Ignore the question and ask her if she's seen the remote. You're going down anyway... may as well go with a bang.
Like any self-respecting motivator, I'm always talking to people about goals and I regularly facilitate goal setting sessions; both with groups and individuals.
It's no revelation to suggest that goal setting is a crucial part of the renovate-your-life process.
What really interests me, is not the goals that people set, but what they believe the achievement of those goals will bring them.
In other words; the goals behind the goals.
What they really want.
In the world of Personal Development, these (the goals behind the goals) are called the 'outcomes'.
The girl who has a goal to earn $200,000 a year; what does she really want?
She wants less stress. More options. More happiness and joy. Some fun. More respect. She wants her stupid father to finally acknowledge that she is talented and smart.
And rightly or wrongly, she believes that $200,000 will deliver her all, or some of, those outcomes.
What about the fat bloke who wants to drop 25 kgs (55lbs), what does he really want?
He wants to lose his social invisibility. To be attractive to someone. More self-esteem. More confidence. Happiness. He wants to make his ex-girlfriend regret what she's done. He wants to impress his old school mates at the reunion.
Over the years I have seen many (many, many) people achieve amazing results, only to be devastated, disappointed and disillusioned when the achievement of those goals didn't deliver them the outcomes they (consciously or not) had hoped for.
People who believed that a physical change would 'fix' their emotional, psychological and relationship problems.
People who believed that more money would take away their emptiness and the unhappiness and give them the respect they deserve.
So next time you set a goal, ask yourself: what are the (likely) outcomes of that goal?
What do I really want and am I going about it the right way?
Huge day at the Harperdome today so there won't be an excess of written inspiration coming from my busy little keyboard. But what I will share with you is a video interview I did today with one of my favourite people in the world. She's 66 years young, she's funny, she's irreverent, she's inspirational and she works with me. Her name is Jan Frazer and you can meet her here.
Recently I was giving a talk and I used the expression, 'fat bloke'.
Following the presentation a woman approached me to let me know that I had offended her with my 'language'. When she told me that 'fat' was the offensive word, I nearly fell down.
I said: "1. he was a bloke and 2. he was fat....what's offensive?"
Then she really hated me.
She told me that my language was "politically incorrect and that my tone was inflammatory (whatever that means) and provocative."
And I thought provocative was a mini skirt.
Oh well. Thanks for the life-lesson grumpy arse.
When I pointed out that I wasn't commenting on the bloke's nature, character or value to society, I was merely referring to the fact that his obese body (an observation, not an insult) put him at risk of heart disease, she didn't really get it.
I was still a pig.
I'm sick of people creating new labels for fat in order to make us all feel better (big, large, full-figured, heavy-boned, thick set) and I'm sick of people dancing around obesity and all it's related issues in an effort to be politically correct.
Whatever you do, don't damage anyone's self-esteem... ignore the big fat gut and those clogged arteries and hand them another donut.
I don't want to offend people... I want to be HONEST.
Let's call it what it is (fat) and deal with it.
Let's stop fluffing around, let's stop being precious and looking for reasons to get hurt, and let's acknowledge what's really happening in Western Society:
We're eating ourselves to death.
I do care about people's self-esteem and emotional state... BUT I care more about their cardio-vascular health and whether or not they will be alive next year.
If someone gets a little offended but I help them live another thirty years (with a leaner, lighter, healthier body) then I'm prepared to be blunt (there's a shock).
It is predicted that the next generation will be the first to have a shorter life-span.
Because of obesity, they will die sooner.
"Poor John; he died of a heart attack at twenty eight."
"He weighed 400 pounds, but at least his self-esteem was in great shape."
Yesterday I did an interview for Women's Health and Fitness magazine with hard-core mountaineer, Cherie Horne....who happens to be a cute blonde, with a passion for adventure and an aversion to make-up. She's inspirational, she's driven, she's a little freaky and you can read the interview here.
Unless you can time travel, you'll always be in the present.
And even if you could, you'd never be in the future because wherever you are, will always be your 'now'. Bugger.
Sometimes we don't know how great our life is, or how successful we are right now, until it's ripped out of our hands...... then all we want, is to have things back the way they were.
We desperately want it to be just how it was, but when we had it, all we did was complain.
Maybe success isn't about when we are, where we are or what we have.
Maybe if we did an objective stock-take of our life, we would realise that we're already successful but we just don't know it, appreciate it or enjoy it.
It's great to have goals and dreams for the future (a destination) but it's also great to enjoy the journey ('cause that's where we live). Some people are so busy surviving and existing, that they forget to live, laugh, love and learn.
Note: The following is written tongue-in-cheek. It's not journalism; it's entertainment.
Today is Melbourne Cup day. Apparently, one of the biggest horse races in the world.
Woopty-doo.
I live in Melbourne.
I spoke to a bloke this morning who informed me that I should be excited about "the race that stops the nation."
I'm not. At all.
He said that I'm being unpatriotic by having no interest in the Cup.
He told me that, as it's the 'biggest sporting event in Australia' and, as I work in sports-radio, I should be ashamed of myself for not embracing the day.
Gotta be honest; not feelin' much shame.
Gee, I'm glad we're not all the same. How boring would life be if we were all into the same things or had the same opinions?
Real boring.
I know us Aussies are passionate about our sport (me too), and I know we love our social outings (me too), but I'd like to de-emotionalise (is that a word?) the whole thing, make a few observations and ask a few questions:
What really happens at the Melbourne cup?
1. People who know nothing about horses become equine experts overnight.
2. Stupid, drunk blokes lose heaps of money.
3. Stupid, drunk blokes hit on hot chicks who aren't remotely interested in them.
4. Despite constant knock-backs, the drunk blokes persist.
5. People drink themselves to oblivion, spend a fortune on hats, hobble around in stupid shoes, wear expensive clothes and throw-up on themselves.
6. People stand in queues for ever, to use a toilet which has been used by three million people in the last hour. Think about that.
7. For a few minutes at about three o'clock, a hundred thousand people look over the top of each other's heads, squint at some horses which are running at 40 kph a kilometre away, and pretend they know what's going on.
8. Bookmakers drive home sober and a little wealthier in their BM's, stupid, drunk blokes with no money wait two hours for a taxi, pretty girls get a lift with good-looking rich blokes and the horses, who apparently love to race, get shoved in a horse float to look at fibreglass for the three-hour trip home.
Sport of Kings? The only athletes at the Melbourne Cup are the horses.
Does it require skill to be a jockey...yes. Are they athletes..no.
Is horse racing a sport.. nup.
Any event where animals get whipped ain't a sport. When someone interviews a horse who says he loves being belted with a stick, then I'll reconsider.
I know...
Why don't we invent a sport where people (who aren't running fast enough) are belted by horses with sticks.
So last night was my ex-girlfriends wedding and I completed my master of ceremonies responsibilities with no dramas.
I was so responsible and mature, I was mindlessly boring. I didn't offend anyone. I didn't make anyone laugh.
Boring Craig. Safe Craig.
Despite my intention to create mayhem and pandemonium, I was a dud.
Someone selfishly pointed out that it wasn't all about me.
I was instructed to behave.
If I was a shoe, last night I would have been a desert boot; functional but ugly. If I was lunch, I was a cheese sandwich; bland.
So while the happy couple (Lincoln and Tami) shone and the band was phenomenal, the MC was about as exciting as steamed rice.
Oh well.
However, being the student of life that I am, I always find time to learn a few things and here they are:
LESSON 1. Being the only non-drinker in a room of 150 people makes for an interesting study in human behaviour. One old guy told me the same story three times and because it was a loud environment, he felt compelled to stand on top of me to deliver the story with maximum impact...which would have been okay, had it not been for his propensity to spit. By the final telling of the story, I was covered in slag and grog and was finishing his sentences for him. Each time I stepped back to avoid the shower, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back into the spray zone.
What is it with me and spitters? I'm a spitter magnet.
(If you're not sure what I'm talking about, read my archived posts "Space invaders with bad breath" and "Please don't sit in the next cubicle.")
LESSON 2. Blokes shouldn't dance. Ever.
LESSON 3. Old people shouldn't dance. Ever.
LESSON 4. Chicks dig blokes who are in touch with their emotions.
Lincoln shed a few appropriate tears when talking of his love for his new bride and for his family and friends. After his speech there were another seventy women who would have married him in eight seconds. I learned that it takes more guts to cry and show people who you really are and how you really feel, than it does to be a macho, emotionless, boofhead.
Note to self: Stop being a macho, emotionless, boofhead.
LESSON 5. If the Bride's happy, everyone's happy. The wedding ceremony, which was meant to be an outdoor extravaganza, complete with all the trimmings which go into twelve months of planning, had to be relocated indoors with sixty minutes notice. While Rebecca, the super wedding planner, was juggling her nervous breakdown with her numerous responsibilities, the bride's (Tami's) attitude was:
"As long as my friends and family are there, I'm happy."
What? Where's the stress? Where's the tantrum?
Aren't Brides meant to be highly-strung, fragile, melting pots of emotion?
Where's Bride-Zilla?
So on the biggest day of her life, the girl who had every 'right' to be grumpy and disappointed, spent most of it telling everyone "it would all be okay."
LESSON 6. I learned that, what makes a wedding day great (or any day great, for that matter) has very little to do with weather, dresses, cars, invitations or stuff ...and everything to do with attitude and how people choose to deal with situations and circumstances.
So tomorrow is my ex-girlfriend's wedding. In Queensland.
No big deal.
Unless of course the ex-boyfriend is in Queensland, he's going to the wedding and he's the Master of Ceremonies.
Asking me to MC any wedding is a high-risk strategy but putting me in charge of the day's proceedings for my ex-girlfriend's wedding is innovate, creative, brave and quite possibly....
stupid.
What are they thinking?
Have they not seen my track record?
Do they not know how socially innapropriate I can be?
There ain't no 'how to' book on this. I googled it. Donuts. Nothin'.
It's nearly midnight and I'm sitting here wondering what the protocol is for such an occassion.
Should I prepare?
And if I should......prepare what?
I don't even know her bloke, Lincoln. Everyone says he's fabulous.
Apparently much better than I ever was.
Not that I'm insecure.
Not that it's a competition.
He'll hate me for sure.
Who wants his girl's ex-boyfriend doing a running commentary at their wedding?
Should I mention that I'm the ex (for those in attendance who don't know) or is that completely innapropriate? And if I do, exactly what do I mention?
Do I do it early... or wait till the grog kicks in?
Should I be funny and amusing or should I be philosophical, theological and deep?
Perhaps I should quote 1 Corinthians 13 (love is kind, love is not jealous etc.), as they do at every other wedding I've ever been to....or perhaps I should go the Adam Sandler option and belt out a few bars of White Wedding.
Should I follow the standard script... or should I freestyle and create mayhem?
I've asked around and everyone says "just be you".
Riding my motorbike and my motor-scooter on alternate days this week has taught me a lesson in perception.
Just for the record: Motorbike: 180 horsepower Scooter: 19 horsepower Motorbike: Awesome piece of mechanical engineering Scooter: 0 - 60kph in seven minutes
Here's my week.
MONDAY: Me on a big, scary, loud, highly modified, more-power-than-necessary motorbike. The V Max; the longest and most stable relationship I've ever had.
I know.... a story in itself.
Drivers response when I'm on the V Max: somewhere between fear, respect and bewilderment. They generally avoid eye contact at all costs. When I weave through the stationary traffic, it's strictly eyes straight ahead and... "sorry if we're in the way Mr crazy motorcycle man in army shorts, we'll just move to the side of the road for you." Kids in back seats point and look in awe while their parents frantically tell them not to stare. I wave at the kids, they excitedly give me the thumbs up.
They love me. The parents reluctantly give me a nervous smile/grimace as I connect with their children.
TUESDAY: Same journey; different steed. Me on my highly embarrassing (but very sensible), blue, made-in-Taiwan scooter, weaving in and out of the traffic on the way to my radio show. Top speed: not much. Cool factor: minus nine. Transmission: embarrassingly, automatic. Under-seat storage room: plenty.
Sometimes, I put my self-esteem in there.
I tell myself it's a practical commuter, it's economical and it's more environmentally friendly than my big-ass four wheel drive, or the petrol-guzzling V Max. I'm doing a good thing.
The children who worshipped me the day before look at me with disdain. I've become a loser. They hate me.
They obviously don't appreciate the practical or environmental advantages of the scooter. They spit on me as I ride by. The thumbs up signal has been replaced with the middle finger. The fathers who were petrified 24 hours earlier are abusing me for riding so close to their car. They want to hurt me.
I think tomorrow I'll drive my big-ass four wheel drive.
Imagine if you were born in a different place, with different parents and siblings, different education, influences, experiences, opportunities, friends, schools and exposure to different music, books, ideas, thoughts and philosophies.
You're still the same person, in that, you have the same body and same brain, the same DNA... it's just that it's you, from another reality.
Would you still be you?
Would you be the same person?
Would you be happier, sadder, more cynical, more hopeful, more relaxed, more stressed, an optimist, a pessimist?
Would you have the same values? Would you love the same things? Would you be motivated by the same things? Would the same things make you laugh or cry? Would you fall in love with same type of people? Would you fear the same things? Would you have the same beliefs?
Do you ever wonder who you are.... and why you are, the way you are?
I do.
How much of who we are has been programmed into us by our life-experiences, our influences, our family and our education to this point in time?
Do you ever wish you were different... or at least in a different situation?
I have some good news for you:
Who we are, how we are and why we are, is a choice.
We get to choose the type of person we become.
We don't have to be the product of our life-experiences.
We get to choose to be incredible, amazing, inspirational and exceptional human beings DESPITE our life experiences. DESPITE what the world or others have taught us. DESPITE our situation or circumstances.DESPITE our history and DESPITE the expectations of others.
Mother Teresa did.
Martin Luther did.
Nelson Mandela did.
They did exceptional things, they lived exceptional lives, they were exceptional.
Last Saturday on my radio show I interviewed the very inspirational (but slightly crazy) Craig Gordon.
Craig has just won the World Mountain Bike Championship - 24 hour solo... that's right he rode his bike through some of the toughest terrain imaginable for 24 hours to flog the previous world champ (we love that)... and nearly kill himself in the process (we don't love that).
He pushed his body so hard that it started to go into muscle meltdown.
Simply put, Craig's bloodstream was so full of muscle breakdown products that he almost poisoned his kidneys.
He spent three days in hospital on dialysis and is a very lucky boy to still be here.
So the control freak (me) has had to learn patience.
We all have issues.
Let's just say that waiting is not my strong point.
When I'm on a mission (I'm always on a mission), I hate things beyond my control holding me up.
'Technical issues' (that's code for we don't have a clue) have meant that I have been unable to post anything on my site for a couple of days.
They can land on Mars, they can clone a human and they can give someone a new face.. but they can't fix my friggin' broken web-site.
I crack the sads when I'm ready to get busy and Johnny (my Mr I can fix anything) tells me "listen Mate, that's just the nature of the Internet; sometimes it will be down and you'll just have to wait until it's operational again."
I don't want to wait Johnny. You wait.
If it wasn't fixed by tonight I was going to climb up on the top of the gym, light a fire and create the world's first smoke-signal blog.
Why do all these stupid 'life lessons' have to take so long and why are they so inconvenient?
Can't I just learn from someone else's mistakes and trials? Guess not.
So, it appears that the only child is still a work in progress.
One thing we all have in common is our desire to be successful.
The first question I often ask when I'm speaking to a group is: "who wants to be successful?"
Naturally, every hand in the room goes up without hesitation. People don't even have to think about it.
"Of course I want to be successful, what a stupid question."
I then tell them that they have five minutes to write down what "success" is.
More often than not, the majority will sit there for the most (if not, all) of the allocated time staring blankly at the page, not knowing where to start, or what to write.
"What do you want us to write", they ask.
"You said you want to be successful, write down what that (success) is", I tell them.
Because, they have never really defined success (for their own life) I experience a range of reactions. Some people get defensive and grumpy, some people get critical ("this is stupid"), some get embarrassed and some have a revelation; theyget it.
Yes, they want 'different' and 'better' and 'more' but they don't actually know what that is.
Here's a truth:
Very few people actually define success for their own life.... and if you don't define it, you probably won't get it.
We put our hand in the air and say, "yes I want to be successful".. but we don't actually know what that means for us.
We don't have clarity about our future; we have confusion and uncertainty.
Sometimes we need to step back from the busy-ness and mayhem of our life, be still for a moment....and get some perspective, space and clarity.
In the course of my work I am constantly talking to people about the realities of their life and it never ceases to amaze me how many forty, fifty and sixty year olds have hated their life, or parts of it for years... but never really done anything to change it,because they have always let life happen to them.
They are victims.
They're angry, they're bitter, they're resentful, they're sad, they're frustrated and they're full of regrets.
Apparently their crappy life is all about situations, circumstances, lost opportunities and bad luck.
When I point out that it's actually more about how they think, behave, react and choose, than it is about anything else... I get mixed responses. Just like we work at building a house or a business, we need to work at building our best life.
We need to make decisions.
We need to deal with our fears.
We need to stop worrying about what others think.
We need to stop procrastinating and making excuses.
We need to stop lying to ourself and others.
We need to stop looking for the convenient, easy, comfortable path and look for the rewarding, challenging, exciting, amazing and fulfilling path.
Don't you hate it when people get in your personal space?
Lately I've been besieged by people who feel compelled to stand on top of me when they talk to me.... and simultaneously kill me with their 'I-just-ate-poo' breath.
I always wonder, "if it smells like poo from here, what on earth does it taste like in there?"
"Do you have no olfactory senses at all?"
"Doesn't that layer of yellow crap on your tongue bother you... because, if you like, you can borrow my SPATULA to scrape it off!"
When I take the obligatory back-step to create the socially acceptable space (which all normal people do), they friggin' follow me!
We then start this pathetic dance, that I like to call, 'the Waltz of Evasion'.
I regularly grab people by the shoulders and actually hold them in the place they should stand in order to have a conversation with me.
For me, the appropriate distance (with people I'm not particularly familiar with) is a straight arm length.
Obviously the more familiar and comfortable I am with someone, the closer they can stand but for the bloke with the attrocious breath who tried to sell me some new protein bars for the gym the other day, the straight arm rule (S.A.R.) had to apply.
I stepped back, he followed.
I stepped again, he followed again.
We were just about to start the dance when I enforced the S.A.R.
I physically held him in place.
"I'm sure you're nice, but I don't want to be that close to you."
"Tell me about your protein bars from there."
He complied.
Most of us instinctively know how close we should stand to someone.
Nobody had to teach us.
We just know.
In the interest of those of us who do know, but regularly deal with those who don't, I've decided to develop some 'Personal Space Rules' which I'm sure will become the universal standard in no time.
Feel free to give a copy of these rules to your socially innept, space-invading, stinky breath acquaintances.
It works like this: Zone one. Zone one is where we communicate with our loved ones. There are no personal space restrictions for zone one relationships. Zone two. With a zone two relationship the S.A.R. does not apply. The people we let into zone two are usually our closer friends and if we had to put a distance on it, the acceptable proximity would be about half of the S.A.R.
Zone three. Whether or not the S.A.R. applies in zone three relationships is discretionary. Typically someone who qualifies for zone three in my world is someone I know, but not well. Those who are of the opposite sex, smell good and don't have yellow crap on their tongue would typically not experience the S.A.R. However, for the friendly, chatty bloke who sells me my newspaper every morning but spits on me with every second word, the S.A.R applies... and then some.
Don't get me started on the spitters.
Zone four. Zone four is where strangers live. They never get inside the S.A.R range. Other zone fourers typically include the spitters (soon to have their own blog on my site), the yellow tongues and those who desperately want to be in your zone one group.
If you've been having trouble with space invaders you might want to have these rules screen-printed on to a T-shirt and wear it all the time.
Great. Periodically fantastic and at times, phenomenal.
Just thinking about a favourite food can change our emotional state, increase our heart rate, get us excited, make us drive faster and kick our salivary glands into action.
If it's instant pleasure you're after then there ain't too many sensory thrill rides as easily accessible as chocolate (it's a chick thing), the burger with the lot (a bloke thing), potato wedges (a bloke and chick thing) or my personal favourite; the baked cheesecake (a Craig thing).
Aaah... the baked cheesecake, so many wonderful memories.
So many fabulous nights together.
So much cake and so little time.
Given the right circumstances, I believe I could actually hurt someone for baked cheesecake
We have all experienced the therapeutic benefits of food.
We know that in times of stress, anxiety, sadness or frustration nothing soothes or changes our state (momentarily) more than our favourite food.
And while we might enjoy some short-term sensory pleasure, the physical consequences of those reactive, emotional-eating moments are usually carried on our body in the form of unwanted fat and weight.
Although we are essentially emotional beings, one area of our existence that we don't want dominated by emotions is our eating.
So next time you feel the urge to medicate or soothe yourself with food, remember:
'Nothing tastes as good as being in shape feels'
Don't focus on the biscuit that gives you five minutes of pleasure; focus on the body that you live in twenty-four hours a day.
It's not about next three minutes; it's about the next three decades.
I was talking with a bloke last week who needs to lose somewhere in the vicinity of 40 kilos.
He was adamant that he had a good diet, ate lots of fruit, vegies and whole foods and that "age had caught up with him" (whatever that means).
He informed me that his theory on the weight gain over the previous five years was all about the slowing of his metabolism.
The good old slowing metabolism; always a convenient refuge for the delusional over-eater.
It was only when Mr. Slow Metabolosim and I explored his dietary habits (beyond the alleged healthy food intake) that we opened a caloric Pandora's box.
On top of his healthy typical food intake he would 'drink' the following calories every day:
2 hot chocolates 400 calories 2 cans of soft drink 350 calories 2 cappucinos 300 calories 1 (healthy) fruit smoothie 500 calories 4 cans of beer 600 calories
daily total: 2,150 calories
So while he (allegedly) ate about 2,000 calories per day, he also drank another 2,000 plus, taking his daily calories intake to over 4,000.
Good, if you're a professional Lumberjack.
Bad, if you're a fat bloke slumped over a desk all day.
The average Westerner consumes somewhere around 500 - 1,000 per day in fluids alone.
Many of us average about 1,000.
Many 'healthy' drinks (fruit juices, protein drinks, smoothies) are loaded with calories and sugar and will make us fat before they'll improve our health.
When we consider that consuming 1,000 calories per day more than we need (eating or drinking) will stack on about a kilo of body-fat per week, we start to understand why Mr. Slow Metabolism probably doesn't have a metabolic problem at all.
Harper's Personal Training staff room, 8.30 Friday morning.
Nine people in the room; seven blokes, two girls.
I enter the room and mayhem and hysteria (the good kind) abound.
Seven blokes laughing so hard that I think three of them may have a stroke. Two girls appear to be somewhere between offended and confused.
I'm just about to enquire about the cause of the mirth when my eyes start to burn, my gag reflex kicks in and I feel my throat begin to constrict.
I realise I have just strolled into the worst fart in the history of mankind.
As I'm starting to wonder how something like that could have come out of a human, I feel myself begin to laugh.
I don't want to laugh, I have no reason to laugh.
But I look around the room at my bretheren, and I have no choice.
Just looking at them makes me want to laugh.
Two of them look oxygen deprived and in some kind of medical distress.
I don't care.
I laugh harder.
I don't know why I'm laughing, but I am.
Not only am I laughing, I'm happy.
Havin' a ball.
Just happy, laughing with my stinky, farty, mates.
I look at the girls.
They're not sharing my joy.
I feel for them.
I've recently learned that the male-fart-laugh-response (or the M.F.L.R as it is known in science) is an involuntary physiological response given to us blokes to help us manage our very busy, important and stressful lives.
Not many women know this (so I may get in trouble for sharing) but often in stressful or dangerous situations men will fart silently, thereby triggering the M.F.L.R.,which in turn lowers stress, decreases anxiety and fear and allows the Alpha Male Warrior to deal with the threat effectively.
We know that in some situations people suffering from medical conditions are encouraged watch re-runs of their favourite comedies. Apparently, the laughter helps recovery and healing.
Perhaps they just need a farting bloke in the room.
Ever noticed how complex we've made the English language?
We've got tens of thousands of words and I don't reckon we need ninety five percent of them.
Why don't we just cut our vocab down to say, five hundred words for the blokes and maybe a thousand for the girls.
Much simpler.
Anyway, blokes communicate pretty effectively without actually speaking.
Grunting, nodding, pointing and shrugging have served us well for centuries... let's not get too fancy.
For every word there's at least another fifty, that mean the same thing.
Why don't we just have the one word which best describes (summarises, identifies, explains, characterises, portrays, epitomises, represents, depicts, communicates) whatever it is we're talking about, and make life easy.
We say, okay, 'describes' is the word...and we get rid of all the others.
Less confusion, no ambiguity, smaller dictionaries (I can hear the trees clapping) and less stress for Robert my Polish painter and handyman
Poor Robert.
As if English is not tough enough with our ever-expanding word bank, he also has to negotiate our slang, our colloquialisms, our sarcasm, our poor grammar and our pronunciation.
In between painting stints we have been having impromtu English lessons and I have started to realise, grasp, understand, comprehend, fathom what an excess of unnecessary, stupid, superfluous words we have.
The other day he asked me what a nephrologist was and when I explained that it was a kidney doctor, he asked me why we don't call them kidney-ologists.
Smart, I thought.
Simply think of the body-part you need worked on, add 'ologist' to the end of that word and bingo, you've got your medical specialist.
So, as our small contribution to the simplifying of the English language, Robert and I would like to offer the following suggestions:
Nephrologist now becomes: Kidney-ologist
Proctologist now becomes: Bum-ologist Podiatrist now becomes: Foot-ologist Pediatrician now becomes: Kid-ologist Cardiologist now becomes: Heart-ologist Chiropractor now becomes: Back-ologist Uroligist now becomes: Wee-ologist Simple really
1. In 2006 we've never had more information, education or resources to help us in our battle of the bulge..... but we keep getting fatter
2. Australia has one of the fastest growing obesity rates of any country on the planet. It's predicted that by 2050 we will have close to 100% obesity...
3. At the moment the average Aussie gains about half a kilo every year... but that's on the rise
4. A hundred years ago the average Aussie consumed about 5lbs of sugar per year, now....180lbs per year. It's cheap, it tastes good and it's in almost everything. A glass of orange juice contains about the same amount of sugar and calories as a glass of coke...healthier calories, with more nutritional value (of course) but still, watch yor intake.
5. Why are soccer ovals called ovals when they're not? (ovals)
6. And why aren't boxing rings called boxing squares?.. not a ring to be seen (said it would be random)
7. 85% of current gym members don't go to the gym... good investment! Gym owners rely on the fact that people make decisions (join a gym) that they won't follow through on.
8. Aussies spend about $2,000,000 per day on weight loss products, gadgets and gizmos while Americans spend a lazy $181,000,000 daily... maybe we need to stop buying weight loss products and get off our fat arses. Just a thought.
9. We have lots of fat kids but we're not allowed to call them fat. We can't talk about it because we might hurt their feelings..... Maybe we should just be honest (not offensive or insensitive) and then we'll actually address the problem. Perhaps we should worry less about the emotional damage done from the odd 'fat comment' and concern ourselves more with the physical consequences of obesity.
Before you get offended, I was a fat kid.
10. A green banana has a Glycemic Index of about 30, while the same banana will have a GI of 70-80 when it ripens...pity green bananas taste like crap.
Ever feel like you're backstroking with the multitudes in a sea of mediocrity?
Ever feel like you're meant to be doing something a bit bigger, more stimulating, more noble, more significant, more challenging, more creative, more fun or more financially rewarding!!?
Does your life wreak of Blaaah? Do you feel like you're the Captain of the SS Directionless?
Welcome to the Average club.
That's where most people live but don't wanna be. The problem is, we do everything we can to stay a member.
About seventeen years ago I had an idea.
Apparently it was a stupid idea and I would never be able to pull it off.
Too young, too innexperienced, no business skills, no management experience, no administrative skills and no idea how to create, or grow, a business.
What would a dumb twenty four year-old bodybuilder know?
Besides, there was no market or demand for my idea in Australia.
Fortunately for me, my stupid idea has helped me become everything I wasn't, travel the world, work in television and radio, write books, write for magazines, lecture to thousands, help countless people reach their own dreams, have mountains of fun, work in a great environment with great people evey day and also make a few bucks.
I'm kinda glad I didn't listen to all those older, wiser 'advisors'.
Of course the idea was to set up Australia's first commercial Personal Training studio and fortunately for me, it proved to be not so dumb. It worked, not because I'm clever or some business guru, but because:
1. There WAS a market for what I was selling 2. I was prepared to do whatever it took 3. I was prepared to learn and look silly along the way 4. I hated working for other people! 5. I dealt with my fears (of failure etc.) and did what I needed to do. 6. I learnt to deal with discomfort on a daily basis 7. I wanted it enough
At some stage, every successful business, project, organisation or endeavour was simply an idea, a thought, a concept to be developed.
More than likely that same idea was had by many people before one person decided to get uncomfortable, take a risk, get off their butt, get busy and seriously chase their dream.
To actually turn the idea into a reality.
Too many of us spend our life doing nothing with our great ideas, and hoping that success and happiness might magically 'happen' to us.
You've got ideas, you've got potential, you've got what it takes.
You want more.
Stop waiting for the 'right' time... it may never arrive.
Anais Nin was spot on when she made the above observation.
Have you ever helped a friend through a relationship crisis and been absolutely stunned and amazed when you got around to chatting to their significant other to get their interpretation of events?
It's like, "are you guys talking about the same thing?"
How can two people in the one relationship or situation, talking about the same issues, have such a completely different take on things and both 'know' they're right? This happens in marriages, workplaces, friendships and a range of situations, every second of every day, in every corner of the globe.
It's called perspective; how WE personally see things.
Our reality.
To my amazement and disappointment, I discovered a few years ago that not everyone lives on planet Craig.
Obviously a big loss for humanity.
Sadly, I had to learn to listen to others; not easy for an only child.
Our personal opinion would be all we needed....if we were the only one in the relationship. Fortunately or unfortunately (again, it's a perspective thing) most of us interact with a range of people in a range of situations and circumstances, for a range of reasons, trying to create a range of outcomes, everyday.
Here's what I've learned in twenty five years of communicating for a living:
1. I need to listen more than I speak.
2. I need to talk with people, not at them.
3. In order for me to be able to genuinely connect with people, I need to know how they see the world (or at least try).
4. I will learn more about someone by watching than I will by listening to them
(93% of communication is non-verbal).
5. Many people will tell me what they think I want to hear.
6. I can't impose my values, beliefs or opinions on people.
7. I can have the best motives and intentions... and still hurt and offend people.
The lolly jar at work. The biscuits in the tea room. The licking of the finger, spoon or knife. The eating of the crust when we make the kid's lunch. The sampling of the dinner (fifteen times). A sliver of this, a corner of that. A skerrick, a smidgeon, a morsel, a taste; surely they don't have calories, do they?
Incidental eating is all of the eating we do around our set meals... and we do plenty of it. It might surprise you to learn that some people consume over a thousand calories a day outside of their set meals. These are the people that often say to me "I eat hardly anything".
Sure, Pinocchio.
Next time you lick, pick or sample remember: If you consistently consume 500 calories per day more than you need (not to be confused with want), you will gain an average of half a kilo of body-fat per week!
Too many of us spend our lives getting in shape for summer, birthdays, weddings, school reunions and other significant social occasions. Like athletes, we peak for an event... and then we get fat again.
Sad really.
Creating and maintaining your best body is about the next few decades, not the next few weeks. Remember: if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
Many of us have been on a perpetual cycle of frustration for years. We've 'almost' done it fifty times. So get off the weight-loss/fitness merry-go-round, and make some decisions and changes for life.
By the way, when you don't 'feel' motivated... do it anyway. Creating real change is about commitment, passion and strength of character, not motivation.
Well, it's official; we're one of the fattest nations on earth.
Australia; the chubby country. Has a ring to it, doesn't it? Fat kids, Fat adults, diabetes through the roof, heart disease, bowel cancer, colon cancer, shorter life expectancies predicted and more obesity-related disease than ever before. At the same time, we are inundated with breakthrough medical research, mountains of weight-loss products, diet books, miracle solutions (no really, this is the one), health clubs, trainers and more get-skinny-fast options than ever before. But stand back and take a look; we're fatter than ever.
Fortunately for us all, it's not our fault.
We can all breathe a collective sigh of relief because, apparently, the current obesity epidemic is not about personal responsibility, self control or choices; it's all about big nasty corporations manipulating our subconscious and turning us into junk food-buying zombies who are incapable of reading labels or making informed choices.
Not too long ago, I was watching the news and to my amazement the lead story was about the public pandemonium caused by the opening of a Krispy Kreme Donut franchise. Police, news helicopters, camera crews, reporters, barricades, placard-waving protesters and of course, hundreds of people lining up for hours for their slice, or should I say, box (apparently no-one buys individual donuts any more) of tastebud-heaven. And while I found the notion of a donut store opening being the most news-worthy item of the day incredible, and people's willingness to camp overnight to get donuts even weirder, the thing which really interested me was the protesters, complete with their anti-junk food signs and the public backlash (from some members of the food police) condemning the opening of the new franchise.
Now according to some, organisations like Krispy Kreme are single-handedly destroying the health and waistlines of Australians. And while I acknowledge that in 2006 we have instant access to more high fat, high sugar, low nutrition food than ever before, I think it's also important that someone stands up and screams out
"nobody is forcing anyone to eat this stuff!"
Now, I'm not a fast food advocate and I don't want to be seen (or read) to be defending any particular company, but what fast food companies do is make it, market it and sell it; not illegal last time I checked (and not unlike virtually any company trying to sell any product). It is then up to the individual who has the capacity to think, reason and make a choice (all good things to do) to determine whether or not they become a customer. As I listened to the donut devotees being interviewed while they waited patiently in line, it was apparent that they had chosen to drive to the store, chosen to stand in line for hours, chosen to eat the donuts and therefore (in my humble opinion) chosen to increase their chances of ending up, or remaining, obese. Perhaps I am simplifying a complex problem.... but then again, maybe it's time someone did.
Some people preach that obesity is the result of the increasing number of fast food options, soft drinks in schools, clever marketing and drive thru restaurants. I reckon it's more about the decisions we make and the things we do in a world full of ever-increasing options. Maybe we need to stop trying to blame someone or something else for our own crappy choices and big fat bodies. Perhaps instead of 'protecting' our kids from all the evil temptations we should be educating them, teaching them how to make informed and responsible decisions around food and empowering them to develop practical skills which will enable them to deal with the everyday challenges that life provides.
By the way, fast food might be around for a while yet.
What if getting (and staying) in shape is not about all that 'external stuff' but rather, it's all about the 'internal' stuff; how we think, feel, react, process, rationalise and most importantly, choose to behave around food. What if the whole obesity issue is really about us? What if it's not about fast food at all? What if it's not about the multi-national food giants? Somebody forgot to point out that right now in Australia we also have more low-fat, low-salt, low-sugar and low GI products available than ever before. In conjunction with the introduction of compulsory nutritional information labels, surely obesity then becomes a choice.
NO stop it! It can't be... I want to blame someone!
What concerns me as an educator, student of human behaviour and a bloke who listens to excuses on a daily basis, is that it appears we are becoming a nation of blamers.
We don’t know why, but people go crazy for these shirts. Perhaps it’s because they allow us to tell people what we really think without wasting our breath! Order your shirt here.
'You're Not the Boss of Me' T-Shirts
Are you sick
of the bossy people in your world? Well,
this T-shirt could solve all of your
problems and change your life. But then
again, probably not. Order your shirt
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Those things that you talk about self-control, planning, discipline etc...those are the things our grandparents had. I remember my grandpa telling me that when he and gran moved in to their house they had a card table as a dining table, and sheets up to the windows, instead of curtains.
"Why?" I asked.
"We couldn't afford things to go inside the house and over the next ten years we saved our money and bought what we needed as we could afford it."
He wouldn't borrow or go in to debt to do what he wanted. My great grandfather could have afforded to give him the money for what they needed, but he didn't. He too knew the value of the lessons of hard work and patience. I am guessing that when they got those items they appreciated them far and beyond the way that we do now because they didn't come easy.
A return to some of those values would do us all some good. May even help the epidemic of unhappiness that seems to have hit our world.
I remember when I used to work as a personal trainer at high profile gym, one of the things that we would ask potential personal training clients was whether or not they would spend $4,000 for a magic pill that would give them all of their health and fitness desires.
The answer was invariably "Yes," but those same people wouldn't spend $500 for a personal training package that would teach them to do the work themselves for a fraction of the price.
Excellent post. There's a whole generation of kids, at least in the US, who have what I call "entitlement disease." They believe that success should be handed to them. If it isn't, they either become bitter, or look for ways to cheat others or the system at large in order to get away with something.
A few years ago, our company hired a new employee who was right out of college. This person seemed to feel that learning the basics and doing some hard work was beneath them. Part of my job was to deliver the bad news that we were not in Kansas anymore, and that we all need to take out the trash at some point.
This type of mentality runs rampant, and leads either to disillusionment, or a serious performance deficit that ultimately leads to failure.
Asma
Hi Craig. I love this post. Every week i get annoyed with my gym partner for making every excuse under the sun not to turn up to the gym and it take a lot of nagging from me to get her there so i print off your blogs, especially ones like this post and hand them to her and ask her to talk to me about it the next day.
1) it gets her to the gym the next day and, 2) it makes her think about her Excuse-itis and I throw in a guilt trip that a pregnant woman will turn up 6 days a week and she won't.
Thanks for this post... it is a reminder of the commitment we need to make to ourselves and if we can help someone else along the way, then why not.
Thanks for the time you take to be our conscience...
Charmaine
YES YES YES is what I was thinking all the way through. Until I did the GYST challenge and read Fatittude I was too looking for those quick pills now have replaced them with hard work and committment, motivation long gone.
Just want to also say that there is a really well known book out there along with a dvd that has some nice feel good ideas about the universe providing but alas we do have to be "practical, realistic" and add the behavioural component of hardwork, yes the motivation. Did you know one of the guys who wrote about the universe providing you with money was on current affairs for frauding people, taking there money and promising them returns which never came. I must say he had a lovely house!! Have a great day :)
Hi Michelle... we can learn a lot from our grandparents. Amazingly they survived and thrived without the workshops, the internet and the self-help books.
Personal Development ---mmm sure there is alot around - thanks for the reminder to not just believe what is said but to use our intuition. You too are amazing Mr Craig Harper. jsp
I'll admit, I have been part of the duped masses. I didn't want to get off my butt and exercise if there was a magic pill to sort out all my problems. Don't worry about smacking me around the head, I've already done it. Once I cut out that crap and actually committed to making a change - surprise surprise I got better results than I ever got with my pain free universe providing tactics. Yeah, I slip up and let old habits creep back in. But I kick them back out the door as soon as I realise that the sabotage is happening. The universe might not give a shit, but I sure as hell do. Have a great day Craig. =)
Charmaine
I need to defend the universe a little bit as I know it can't type so I am going to help him/her out. The way I see it is if you work hard and yes put in the effort this is when the universe steps in and lets you know if you are on the right track by those little odd things that happen that tie it all together for you or you meet the appropriate people to help you along further in your endeavours. There are those other times though where you feel like your hitting your head against a brick wall and just getting no where, that may be a sign from the universe that you are on the wrong track. Have a pink cloud fuzzy day The Universe
Anonymous
Craig, I was just wondering why you personally went down the road of personal development, coach, motivational speaker, educator. Was it a light bulb moment, or an evolving process..? Andy
A
And the devil who deceived them was thrown into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are also; and they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.
Withhold not Your tender mercy from me, O Lord; let Your loving-kindness and Your truth continually preserve me!
A.
Asma
Hi Craig,
Thanks for the post. Discresion is always useful when expresing an opinion and I feel that if more people actually voiced a thought out opinion, we wouldn't complain so much about why we let things go too far or why we dislike things around us.
Thanks for the video post and the pregnancy tips. Looks like I'm doomed to be a blimp until the 9 months are over... maybe i can conjure up some advertising space to make the wide hips productive.
Hi Craig ~ great post. The skills of a people-pleaser lend themselves well to the success of a speaker, especially one who has discovered his true voice.
Quick note: you asked for notes on typos. My compliments to your writing, which is consistent in the highest level of grammar/spelling (I am a touch editor and don't give that kind of compliment without it being well deserved). One of your very rare typos occurred under "who are those opinion-less people": People who's desire to be liked and accepted should be "people whose desire to be liked...." Wouldn't have mentioned it if you hadn't asked.
Awesome stuff, Craig. I am one of the most outspoken people that I know because I rarely feel that "keeping the peace" is worth the price of not speaking up whenever doing so might actually help someone out.
I'd rather someone was mad at me now for being truthful with them than have them be mad at me later for keeping quiet.
A lack of stating your opinion may be the result of a lack of self-worth or self-esteem....(why would anyone be interested in what I think??? etc etc) It may stem from laziness, where it is ssoooooo much easier just to go with the flow rather than to assert yourself and have a view on a particular subject....(avoid the possibility of having to stand up for what you believe!!! etc) Or... maybe people arn't really in touch with who they are, and havn't taken the time to figure out what their opinion is on any given subject.... Perhaps taking the time to reflect on self and figure out exactly what it is you like may help to develope an opinion.... Baby steps... Find something you like.... Don't be afraid to admit it.... Live it... Love it... Be real... KK XXX P.s. More spelling errors.... I'm gettin a job as your P.A.!!!
Having and offering an opinion is good. Growing up in a home where it was not safe to have an opinion unless you were my dictator dad, I went to the other extreme as a young adult and became a know-it-all with an opinion about everything. Extremes wereed what I seem to do before I could recognise balance which is somewhere near the middle. I don't often do extremes any more and I do recognise them in others because I have been there, done that in the past.
Hopefully, today, I have healthy boundaries and opinions without coming across as a know-it-all.
Honesty is something I strongly believe in and sometimes gets me in trouble with other people. A few years ago, it got me kicked out of my church because my truth wasn't my minister's truth. Things are settled now. I am back in my church and the minister has moved to greener pastures for her. I learned some valuable lessons about myself and truth.
Tami
Hi Craig,
You are so right... I really need to learn to speak my mind... my opinion does count... so true!
I'll begin working on this today.
And I'll always remember fondly that it was YOU that said my opinion matters!
What about "The Chaser" though? Are they taking things a bit far?
Anonymous
Hi Craig,
So agree with you that the ability to be happy and have fun is far more to do with attitude than age or circumstances.
I have a 90 year old father-in-law who is fit as a fiddle, walks about 4km a day, is involved in a church, a book club, a drama club,a music club, started learning to speak French, and to play the piano at 85... and the list goes on! Granted that kind of health is not given to everyone, so he is blessed, but he has grabbed that blessing with both hands and run with it.
On the other side of the spectrum is my 80 year old mother. Same good health, enough money to enjoy life, but has no friends, doesn't go anywhere or do anything unless I take her, won't reach out to anybody or join any activities. Sits at home feeling sorry for herself, saying "but I'm 80 you know". I told her she's may need medical help for depression, offered many times to go with her to get that help but she refuses. So sadly I've had to decide that she is one of those energy vampires, a bottomless pit. I've had to limit my visits to see her, and have very firm boundaries. Very sad.
Just a thought though... because people genuinely look up to you, just once in a while when you're trying to get through to the "woe is me" brigade, you could mention that maybe some of them would benefit from a visit to their local GP. It may be worthwhile investigating the possibility that they actually have a clinical depression. Of course if people refuse to do even that much for themselves, even when someone volunteers to be their "rescuer" for a time, then I really think that for our own sanity and right to enjoy life, we have no choice but to limit our exposure to the "leeches" of life.
Keep hugging Johnnie, one day he's gonna hug you first!!
Anne C
molly
there is humour in adversity and its a cool coping mechanism. Comedians including the Chaser guys highlight our society's inadequacies. We get to choose whether to laugh or frown but so long as it's thought provoking, I suspect it's done its job.
My 87 yo father and I were in fits the other day as he describe how my huge, gangly puppy woke him from his afternoon nap by licking his toes - yikes! She then leapt on the bed and proceeded to lick his face and he nearly spluttered out his false teeth as he fully woke - double yikes! He reminded me not to tell my mother, she wouldn't approve of the dog being on the bed - disapproval was her choice, laughter was ours. Two seperate neighbours heard us laughing hysterically and came over to ask why - I'm really wondering what that says...
Oh this is so spot on!! I'm of the school where I can act grown up and dress grown up (in deference to your new photo on your main page... LOL!!) when I have to, but believe it is totally overrated!! I love telling people how old I am because they never believe me.
I believe 100% that finding fun in life, laughing until it hurts over all things big and small, and finding the positive and lessons in even the hardest curveballs life has thrown me has kept me feeling and looking young. Shoot me and put me out of my misery if I ever become one of those people who complain and whine about anything and everything (I work with one... aaaaaargh!! But choose to ignore her most of the time and not let her pessimism suck me dry of energy).
I am unashamedly optimistic... after all, “A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~ Herm Albright
It was nice to read this post and see that there are others out there who believe that being too grown up is overrated!!
Tell your Mum I'm comin' round to kick her butt. Even at 80 she needs to be physically, emotionally, cerebrally and socially stimulated and challenged!!
Working amongst sick people has taught me the importance of laughter and fun.It is amazing how pain becomes less and physical symptoms reduce when patients are presented with oppertunities to laugh.I wish more people would take up this attitude.Thankyou
Awesome post! I ALWAYS enjoy reading your blog. I believe that there are people in this world who "get it" and others who don't (these energy vampires, victims, no fun having individuals you speak of)! Thank you for being an advocate of the "get it" movement!
Anonymous
Too funny... just the other night we(age group 40+)were out doing a ride on our mountain bikes in the dark on singletrack (yes, with lights) and we wondered if we thought as kids we would have so much darn fun as adults! :-) Alane, St Louis MO USA
First, me thinks Johnnie protests too much... secretly, he yearns for your embrace, I am so convinced... love on, I always say!
Secondly, to survive in my family, you must be able to deal with silly and embrace goofy! For example, there is always an impending sneak attack, a coup (coo) if you will. ALWAYS!
Standard MO (method of operation): the dreaded... Pants-ing!
Ever been pants-ed? Here’s a briefing: It is when someone (usually someone you love and/or trust) sneaks up behind you, grabs your pants by the waistband on both hips and yanks them (and anything else that will go) down to your ankles and runs!
A true pants-ing never occurs without an audience, and the thrill of this maneuver NEVER dies and NEVER gets old.
Yes... in the house, in public, with visitors, without... family, friends, or even the random door to door Bible salesman may fall victim, NO ONE is safe! You will be pants-ed at least once a weekend, and twice during the week for the High Achiever!
My son, Austen, 8 years old has become the master... extreme quickness and that innocent face are his best allies. (You feel the draft before you even realize he was in the room, the kid is that good!... yep proud mom!)
Acclimation is your best defense... as somehow, this attack is not only very successful, it is also a crowd pleaser, so there is no end in sight! You can't beat them but you WILL join them… and yes, I am pretty fast too!
To acclimate you should: 1. Always wear cute panties/underwear (and hope they stay in place, or their cuteness is moot!) It doesn’t stop the attack but it does lessen the embarrassment factor. 2. Always tie drawstring pants, snuggly. 3. Limit any attire with elastic waistbands (or you honestly have no hope, like a sitting duck). 4. Don’t start the battle… it will never end… never ever! 5. Try not to have both hands busy or dirty… like cleaning out a jack-o-lantern or fingerpainting… this is too tempting for even the maturist (it’s a word, right Craig?) pants-er (another one?) to resist! At this point, you are just begging for your pants (and cute undergarments) to be wadded up at your ankles! It is a defenseless stance and there is no hope of a speedy recovery without making a mess of yourself! Very rookie move to say the least!
That's quite the picture you've painted for us all. Dunno that I really wanna do that to Johnnie. In fact, I'm sure I don't. For many reasons. Mainly, because I don't deserve it.
I agree too. I am a mature age student in Sport Sc and have been doing sport with 18 and 19 y.o.'s and enjoyed it and their company so much. How great is it to just have a fun time, laugh and play.
Janine
Hey Craig,
I'm glad you are not one on those boring old farts . I'm glad you still try to give Johnnie a hug on a daily basis.... and I'm really glad I'm not there for any dacking! Cheers and have a great day! Janine
I've been reading your blog for a little while now and this is the first time I have got around to posting a comment (I know, I know, slack).
Your post today struck a chord with me because I probably acted old before my time when I was in my twenties! I still had fun, but not as much as I could have till recently.
Last week I turned 40 - have made no secret of that fact, after all' Life Begins.... whenever you decide to make it begin. I bought myself a magnet to stick on my Fridge (hopefully to distract me from the FOOD in it!) stating "If you haven't grown up before you reach 40 - then you don't have to!". I consider myself a mature, responsible, intelligent person - afterall, if "I" don't, who will?? - but being sometimes silly and immature and laughing at life a little adds so much to it.
And tell Johnnie to stop being a sook and enjoy the Looooovvvve!!!
Cheers.....SB (ol fart #1)
tami
Hilarious!
I literally laughed out loud! Worth much more than the LOL abbreviation!
Best visual yet! Can I say I love Lance? Love the fact that you and Lance taught me so much too… His commitment… your surveillance and reflection!
Not to mention, it’s the first time I have ever heard of the GUY killing himself to fit into the matrimonial apparel!
I think Mrs. Lance has herself a keeper!
Makes you curious, is she as proud of him as you are? Or would she be mortified to see him on the road like the wife in Old School, when Will Ferrell is running naked through the Quad? Although, he is much nobler than Will… Much more triumphant!
Thanks Craig! () Tami
Molly
perhaps not the place Craig, but to make a tenuous link, I've been married for 35 years. Hooray! And I want to know what cellulite is and how to get rid of it. After being super fit for 30 years and a bit slacker for 5 years and regaining fitness now - can I get rid of this stuff which has snuck up on me over the last five slacker years, or is it there for the rest of my life? I seem to have reduced it on my arms by pumping iron so will it return twice as bad as before if I stop?? I'm frantic here just like Lance!
Kellie
Hello Craig. You make me laugh and think all at the same time. You are funny! That's a skill that not too many people have. Thankyou for continuing to inspire me.
Anonymous
Craig
Just noticed the photo on the left side of the site. I think it may look better 'slightly minimized'. No offense, i'm sure if you saw the size of my butt you'd suggest it should be minimized too. I just think a smaller photo will compliment your features more and lessen the grey bits. Yes i know if you can dish it out be ready to take it so i'm ready to take whatever you sling back at me. It better be good.
Ange
Kat
That is an absolute cracker Mr. Harper!!! I could picture the whole thing from your description and laughed my head off. I love moments like that in life...who knows what sort of impact it might have on him now... very positive no doubt!
I wonder if Lance knows he's a lil celebrity in Harperland?
That's an awesome story and I'm sure you made 'Lance's day' and even his month! (Maybe not next month, - lets hope his bride does that then!) 'Lance' will feel very proud of himself!
I am in an insanely awesome 'mood' myself today. I absolutely punished myself in today's run speed wise then rather than stopped when I reached the first triumph, I held a while, then slowed down and sped up again 3 times, - real happy with my effort, - a while before I reach PB's again for sure but on track! And my 55km intense bike ride and swimming on Sun, - awesome! So am high on endorphins, - gotta enjoy it while it lasts!
It's true, - feeling great about this stuff makes it feel easier to stay on top of other stuff!
You had me laughing until I cried with the mental picture you painted through this post. I loved the message behind it too. BTW... nice new pic on the front page... you look quite the professional ;o)
Great story, I have a friend who sounds just like your Lance.
I take issue with the "If he was a she...not a chance." It's the exact question I would be asking, but then maybe I'm not normal. Hey what happened to the video you promised on protein powder etc. Did I miss it? I'm waiting and not very patiently.
I agree, you had me laughing til I cried. With heart bursting pride for Lance.
What a FANTASTIC story! I was very impressed that you stayed back and pushed him too. If not for anything but your own perverse entertainment purposes. LOL
I bet the words "I'm so blogging this" came into your head when he asked how fast he was going.
tami
Very distinguished photo Mr. Harper. New verbiage is good too… Well done.
Thanks for striving to make me laugh… Studies have shown that laughing: • lowers blood pressure • reduces stress hormones • increases muscle flexion • boosts immune function by raising levels of infection-fighting T-cells • disease-fighting proteins called Gamma-interferon • and B-cells, which produce disease-destroying antibodies. • Laughter also triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers, and produces a general sense of well-being.
Wow… you bring a lot to the table! You’re a keeper too (getting closer to being as good as cheesecake everyday)!
Dunno how many girls would ask the 'speed' question... but if you would, that's very cool.
The protein powder question will be answered next video... soon.
Cheers.
Anonymous
Hi Craig
I like it that when off duty, you still give- this shows me how passionate you are about your stuff ( as if your books and site etc arnt enough right? lol). One of these rare people that really put their money where their mouth is.
Im about to dust off my ten speed bike ( that I got when I was 13 )to do my first tri in a few weeks- I might get myself a new helmet though......
thankyou for this great story:)
elroy
Anonymous
Thanks Craig for a great start to a day
I laughed so much my face hurt.
I fell off my bike last night, over the handle bars; breaking too hard trying to avoid a dog..... very funny.
This story makes me want to get right back on and keep riding even faster.
Thanks for making my day..
Go Go Mr Lance
Have a great one yourself.
Kisses and Hugs Candice :)
Anonymous
Hi Craig
What an inspirational story and so funny i could imagine everything that was happening just like i was there!
I am proud to say i helped a friend come out of an abusive relationship and have told her about your site and now she is addicted too!!
Keep up the good work and inspiration, you are a force to be reckon with..
Craig thankyou for the laugh. In the world we live today its so nice to have a little lightness.
Anonymous
Afternoon Craig
Once again you write a very funny story and I can hear you laughing.
I just had to reply to this story being a bike rider. I was reading this with a big smile engrossed in the reality, and feeling like I was right there. A common sight I see on the road (every beginner wants to have a go on the back of a pack, it’s the curiosity, the fear even sometimes and as time goes on the confidence gradually building, “yeah I’m a bike rider”. That’s funny.
The feeling you both had is the uplifting feeling I get everyday seeing anyone exercise. It’s these inner feelings we must promote and draw upon to get EVERYBODY TO EXERCISE. They are so fulfilling in everyway possible in one’s life and teach us extraordinary values. The lessons it taught you, we should all be doing everyday. It’s a shame many people don’t absorb these lessons and act daily. What a difference it would make to the world! That guy will be talking about that day for years!
What did amaze me was how you felt after, and the lessons it taught you, it surprised me.
Hey Craig That was I hoot... I did LOL, guys in the office thought I was loopy. What a way to start the day. I was with you on the scooter watching Lance peddle like the klappers. You are amazing. Thanks heaps. Sandi :)
I discovered you blog a while ago now and since I do get all your posts via e-mail too I kept on reading them and never comment. Well, today when I started reading this post I thought "Oh no now I'm disappointed in you for making fun of some one who is at least trying to cycle" but as I read the post further I saw where you were going with it and I loved it. What a great post, a post to give every one else hope and also teaching.
Fun post! I thought it was really Lance but it turns out it was better even than Lance could have ever thought of being!! Yay, Lance! More power to you! Enjoy your Weddding! Thank you Craig for the fitness training you gave to Lance!! Love this post!
Great article Craig! There is your ability displayed in a nutshell. You start the story and I'm sure everyone read until they reach the final word. You just caught us by sentence two and never left us behind. Like you did with Craig. Did you ever think about writting TV scripts? Just curious. Sorry I don't have any TV connections. :)
Lance Armstrong is one of my inspirational mentors. His life story is profound and his attitude catching. Tongue and cheek humor can be a great way to motivate people. They underestimate the energy to be found in their own unlimited source of laughter.
I couldn't agree with you more Craig. Sometimes we have to take a step backwards to ensure we continue to move forwards. Great post, felt relaxed just reading it. LOL!!
Kind Regards, Lia Halsall Melbourne, Australia www.liahalsall.blogspot.com
Janine
hey Craig,
I get it and I'm with you on the recharge thing....very important...
Now all I have to do is find an off button for the boys'...then I can read that book...
I was instantly curious as to what kind of books you read. Maybe you could give us a few suggestions from your list.
There is a lot of discussion here in Canada that the price of our books will go down. Our dollar is currently higher than the American dollar but we pay much more for our books.
Have a GREAT Monday! ~Dianne~
Tristan (NYC)
Hey Craig you hit that bad boy out of the park. I so need to find my 'off' switch but I'm scared that when I do, I won't be able to find my 'on' switch again! I should be in bed right now but I'm on your site!!
OMG!!!!!... Not only are you gorgeous... intelligent... buff (hahahaha)... hilarious... clever... and very witty... but now we also find out that you're all about balance too!!!! I think they broke the mould on you!!!! Where do I get one????? hehehehe
It's funny how if we don't take the time to stop (and smell the roses), the universe will find a way of making us do so!!! Take car crashes for example.... A really BIG sign to slow down your life.... I think I was on mega fast forward mode, cos it took 2 car crashes and a bike smash (ouch) to me to begin to slow down, and then the final straw came when one of my kids got run over by a car (rushing is contagious you know!!!!) (p.s.she's fine... her foot just got a little bit smooshed!!!... thank goodness...PHEW...)..... The lesson here.... Slow down, before the universe intervenes and MAKES YOU SLOW DOWN. The same amount can be achieved at walking or jogging pace as you can achieve at a sprint... However, at a slower pace, there's more time for thought, deliberation, reflection and waaayyyyyy less stress!!!! Your body and mind are able to handle everything that comes your way much easier, because one disaster at a time is always better than 10 disasters all at once..... I constantly tell my clients when everything seems to be overwhelming them, just to focus on the one thing,(instead of 50!!!) slow down.... and enjoy the ride!!!!!!! Good to see you finally looking after you Mr. Harper.... Looks like I won't have to come down there and kick your butt after all!!!! (I know that's a scary thought!!! hehehehe) Be good KK XXX
Yikes!! That's a bit spooky :o) I had just finished whining to my flatmate about not having time on the weekend to prepare my lunches for the working week because of my committments to my family. When I do fly somewhere, it's usually to compete, followed by a visit with family who have me on the run doing touristy stuff and have my day planned from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to sleep. I can't remember the last time I just veg'd at home and relaxed, or walked along the beach and relaxed. If I'm not working, I'm either training for comp or visiting people and helping them out (meals for mum and helping my sis with an extra pair of hands as she has a baby and a toddler and her hubby is away for a month or so at a time!!). Your post has made me stop and think and I've realised that I should take some time out for me. I've got some days off planned over the Christmas break and I am going to make sure a few of them are "recharge" days just for me :o)
You are a very astute judge of character and comedy. You're also annoyingly good looking.
Your dad does his best with his very limited comical ability... it is important that you laugh at his silly stories and tragic jokes - a man of his age needs it for his fragile ego. I do too... so thanks for pumping up my tyres!!
Keep doing and being amazing Jack, you are an amazing young man and you will be a leader of the future.
How right you are Craig... besides, we need to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of other people... we'll be of no good to anyone if we're curled in a foetal position on the floor rocking ourselves backwards and forwards repeating "I'm a little teapot, I'm a little teapot!!" ;o)
A dear friend has taught me that some people never turn that switch to off because they are afraid they will come face to face with themselves and they don't like themselves. How sad? My friend is a very intelligent, likeable, lovable person and you cannot get her to slow down and take care of herself. She is so afraid of the silence of solitude. To her it is filled with her loneliness.
To me, the silence of solitude is filled by my aloneness which is a wonderful oasis to retreat to from this world of stress and noise of physical, emotional and mental demands. If I don't get my time alone, I become a bitch who is very short tempered and mean. You don't want to see that side of me. I know she is there. I give her quiet time so she stays happy with life. That way, I don't get a stomach ache or headache that makes me slow down. Voluntarily taking that quiet time for myself is much better than the pain that she inflicts if we don't get our quiet time. Have a glorious day everyone.
tami
Hi Craig!
Great post! So glad you found your weekend Utopia! I get ya on this one! Love my weekend down time…. At work, I always have to ON: open, creative, ingenious, intuitive, thoughtful, efficient, empathetic, energized, influential, motivating, and overall effective for each employee’s needs. So many hats to wear in a given day, makes your head tired! This weekend was watching movies with my kids… Daughter has a broken toe (she is sooooo milking that injury) So the boy child and I waited on her hand and foot (pardon the pun) all weekend. But for the most part we were all pretty vegetated this weekend… Main highlight… chilling with the kids… But Ratatouille, reading my new Yoga book, and building a Panzer III tank (yes, a toy one), all tied for second!
Thanks for the relaxing post! Love the descriptive sand and surf mental pics!
My life.... and everyone else's is a series of events/stuff ups/valuable lessons!!! that shape who we are today.... You can learn from that, or you can keep repeating those lessons until they get through your thick skull.... All the BIG (and little)lessons I have had will only help me to be a better councellor when the time comes because I will be speaking/councelling with empathy, sympathy and most of all, the voice of experience.... not out my ass!!!! The yellow brick road is an amazing journey!!!! KK XXX
Nice change of pace Craig. Isn’t it amazing how you feel after a “nothing” break. I have found a really useful chill out tool to utilise once back into the hustle and bustle of every day life is to revisit scenes from my break in my imagination for a few minutes a few times a week.
In my imagination I utilise ALL of my senses when recapturing aspects of my break eg feel the sand between my toes, picture the vivid colour of the ocean, the colours of the sunset, hear the waves, smell the salty sea air, and taste the (insert favourite food you had on your break......in your case cheesecake?)
Over time the memories are not as clear and vivid, and when I notice that the memories are starting fade this is always a good indicator that I need another break. In fact I have found this seems to be a much more reliable early warning indicator than waiting until I start to feel grumpy, moody stressed out or whatever.
Regards Leanne M
tami
Hi.
Yes, Ratatouille was very good! Although, I did have to fight the gag reflex of the rats swarming the kitchen, even after they were steam cleaned in the dishwasher!
I feel like already on my red line in order to keep my performance for the last 2 weeks..
And I know I need to click my off switch and follow your path of doing nothing and get myself refreshed.
It really feels like spooky reminder as I read your article, but really thank you for writing this :)
As thanksgiving holiday is here, hopefully I can get this doing nothing plan to work, so I can get my working performances & qualities back up without having to go on the red line..
Ahh, you see, there's no coincedence ;-)).. I just posted this quote on my own blog, on.. yep, random acts of kindness:
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia
And indeed, an act of kindness blesses both the receiver AND the giver... So, I have to say, really love this post Craig, thanks!!
Great minds... Well that's what we'll tell ourselves!
Peace and Hugs.
seb
Hey Guru Man. Tonight I helped an old dude who's car had died. I pushed him for like a mile! He wanted to pay me. I said no even though I need the cash. It felt good. It's weird to not be selfish because that's all I've ever been. Thanks Man.
Tami
Hi Craig!
Does it count that I am leaving in 7 minutes to take my team to lunch? Good luck at Network... no doubt you'll rock... or wait has it already happened...? Yeah probably, we in the states are soooo five minutes ago :)
Sure you were awesome! Rest up busy man... er guru!
BTW, No matter how hard you try, you'll always be a day behind. We Aussies actually lead the world, we just keep it quiet! We will love you all... despite the time delay and George W. ( ) What it's like living in yesterday anyway? LOL.
Hey buddy....... Have an AMAZING day..... You will be AWESOME as always.... The people down at Network are in for a real treat.... Hope its one of the 3 good ones!!!! Be good.... Huge day ahead!!! KK XXX
Tami
I paid... but with my expense account... can I have half credit?
You're never suppose to live in yesterday... that's why your windshield is so large and your rearview mirror is so small... only look back occasionally, maybe a glance periodically but your focus should be on what's ahead!
As for the time difference... its an obstacle... not a barrier! I am only jealious when its Friday there... but on the flip side... your Monday is my Sunday... its all good then!
What a great idea! I hadn't read it until this morning (Saturday) but I must have picked up on this post yesterday. Out of the blue I decided to call my Mum and pop in for an unplanned visit and take her some healthy chicken and salad for dinner. She really appreciated it because she wasn't feeling well enough to cook dinner. By the end of my visit, she was up off the couch, giggling and chatting away like she hadn't been ill earlier when I got there. I told her about your message to her and she was really touched, thank you!!
I think people really underestimate what taking time out of your busy life to make someone else's day brighter really means to that person.
The added bonus is that selfishly it makes you feel good too that you have been able to brighten someone else's day just by being there for them and doing something to help them out.
Regards, Rae :o)
Janine
Awwww Craig,
You big old softie you.
But it did make me finish the knitting for overseas that I had forgotton about.....
I'm actually doing the keynote presentation (opening thingy)8.30am Saturday... see if you can get along - it's a 90 minute presentation called "Exploring, Defining and Creating Success".
Hey, that's the day after tomorrow... maybe I should start preparing.
Good thinking.
Cheers.
Charmaine
The motivation is not there when I have done night duty crawled into bed at 8am and the alarm goes at 12pm to squeeze in gym time before I get the girls from school but hey I am doing it, because no one else is going to get in shape for me. So I guess thats total commitment :)
Seriously, when I read the title, I thought it's about checking ourselves into mental hospitals.
Speaking of blogging, I read somewhere that says the burn-out, the writer's block, etc. happens 6 months into blogging on average. If you still haven't run out of steam after 6 months, chances are you will be blogging for a long long time.
Michelle
I hate it when you make sense! When are you going to write your own personal development book?
Asma
Hey Craig,
Do you ever tire of being right?
Is it O.K to use the excuse that having a baby is a bit of a spanner in the works?
I am still training though and did so throughout the last pregnancy so i am persistant, just not succeeding so much...
Your posts generally have a comical tone to them but this one is so much more serious throughout.... did something trigger it?
Serious huh? Two decades of watching people waste their time and their potential has led me to being.... 'straight-forward' with some issues.
( )
Teri - Gig Harbor, WA
I love your daily blog....it is one of the first things I check each morning. I am going to be printing this blog out and rereading it.....great information that makes sense to me. Keep up the great work!
I am so posting a link to this one on my blog... pure genius Craig.
You have a way of putting things that really put it into perspective and ensuring that the responsibility for a healthy lifestyle remains where it should be... with the person attempting to do it.
I was reading your "Fattitude" book at the start of the year, my Mum is currently battling cancer (and losing), and I was beginning to emotionally eat. My Coach sat me down and said, "If what you Mum is going through isn't enough to make you look after yourself with training and nutrition, then nothing will be." That one statement combined with your book was a defining moment in my life.
Thanks for what you do... I for one appreciate it!!
Blunt and to the point just the way I like it Craig.
I constantly get asked what's my 'big secret' because apparently you can't get fit and healthy without help. But I simply tell them that anyone can exercise and diet but it takes self-discipline to do what needs to be done and consistancy to do it all day every day. It's not rocket science! Less talk, more work = results. ;o)
Kind Regards, Lia Halsall Melbourne, Victoria www.liahalsall.blogspot.com
P.S. My sports psychologist from Olympic Park Sports Medicine Centre know's you, her name is Jacqui Louder. :o)
Hi Craig, let me ask you a serious question. (Wait, what? Really?)
There are people that are zombies, straight up (all out of EE) and there are people investing their EE in different things. Now, is it possible to have someone that has EE inside but decide not to use it for anything? So, they have EE like other non-zombies, but they can be similar to zombies in that they are not using any of that EE?
I saw a terrible thing at the store a yesterday - straight out of an R-rated movie, although it involved a mother and her six year old child. This mother expressed a lot of emotion to this child by cussing her out like a stranger. I'm not sure exactly what the child did but the mother just wasted too much EE!! She could have saved that energy and use it to change the world instead of cussing out her own child like that!!
tami
Hi Craig!
Great post! I am so afraid to admit this... But I agree with Kelvin... Sometimes it is a fine line between being optimistic and burying your head in the sand... how do you know when you are crossing that line? I mean beyond the sand in your mouth from time to time...
I worry that my ability to adapt sometimes henders my responsibility to react appropriately... Am I making sense?
Hey bud.... The wonderful thing about being a human being on the planet earth is that we have 'free will'..... We are the only creatures in the world to have this gift!!! It's all about choice..!!!!! Everything in our lives stems from the choices we make... and yes... the ones we choose not to make.... (which is still a choice!!!... I learn quick don't I!!) hehehe Emotional choice is no different.... We can choose to live a shitty existence, and get trapped in the day to day crap of what everyone else thinks is normal.... Or... we can CHOOSE to be different from everyone else's version of normal and have the most fabulous life ever.... The problem with people who have run out of EE, is that they tend to 'suck dry' those that have their EE in check.... (You know how sometimes you feel really tired after being in someone's presence!!!) Being aware of these energy 'vampires' is a great way to hold onto your EE for your own usage!!.... Hope you have an amazing day... Not so stressful as yesterday!!! If you need a massage, you know where to find me!!! hehehehe... Be good... Off to Oaks day today.. (working... not playing!!!) KK XXX
Asma
I used to be one of those zombies and now i get criticised for not being a zombie and I am told "it should be illegal to be so chirpy all the time."
The reality is I am not chirpy all the time but i can convert my anger (with staff) into a lesson and find a diplomatic way of addressing the problem rather than contributing to it...
But why is it that for those of us who CHOOSE to have a great day every day, we are persecuted for being "abnormal" for being happy... it's as though we're "supposed to be" zombies...
I guess it is easier for people to be zombies than put the effort in to being happy.
Investing our EE in the right place doesn't mean we don't deal with the yucky realities of life, or that we are delusional - it just means that we deal with stuff - all stuff - as positively and effectively as possible.
One of the biggest turning points in my life was realising that I cannot continue to blame my parents for who I am now. Okay, my upbringing may have been less than ideal, but now it's ME making the decisions and determining the course of my life.
Whilst I have sympathy for people who had a crappy childhood, I do NOT believe in making this your excuse for shooting heroin, getting into and staying in debt, beating up on your girlfriend or any other socially unacceptable behaviour.
Get over it, take control and make your own decisions!
I believe successful people CREATE opporunities, MAKE decisions and ACT upon them. Naive people believe these 'successsul' people just stumble across them.... "It's not fair.. some people just have all the luck... easy for them...bastards..." These people dream of success. The others have a vision and work hard at it.
i agree that most people have waaaaay more control over their lives than they think. however, just telling them that doesn't really make a difference to a lot of people. so how to you propose to help them? or do you send them elsewhere? or do you just tell them they're pathetic?
Anonymous
This is one of the most motivating posts I have read! I think I will re read it every time I feel like giving up.
Love your work!!!
Karen Stewart
You know what I love about your posts Craig. They're brutally honest.
Anonymous
Craig, can we have the 12 best ways to take action? As no matter how much we read, learn, watch everything comes down to taking the action consitently, what do you do to keep moving forward everyday???? Thanks for the site. David
Hi David. I have a practical formula which I use with groups and individuals to get them (and keep them) busy, active and productive. I will add it to the site very soon. Cheers,
Christine from Canada, Craig. Surely you did not mean to write "girlie" thing. You are far too enlightened for that, I know. Must have been a slip of the keyboard, eh?
Anonymous
Ahh, the age of the super stadium ... if I wanted to watch it on television I could have stayed at home. What's wrong with seeing your favourite band at the local pub where your feet stick to the carpet? (Except of course, they're not playing there ...)
Hear, Hear! The loud cellphone talkers are particularly grating to me. No, I don't want to hear about Aunt Bertha's sponge bath. Sometimes I miss the days when people with cellphones we considered either arrogant or drug-dealers.
Anonymous
Totaly agree.. fantastic work.
Anonymous
how the F**K can you say that jockeys are not athletes? i accept your views on the perceived animal cruelty line, but jockeys are certainly athletes.
Anonymous
Mr Harper I absolutely could not agree with you more. People who actually go to the "races", you have to question their intellect to begin with, clueless people who know nothing about horses or racing in general choose to spend thousands of dollars on ridiculous hats and outfits, then spend an entire day "socialising" with more of these punter half wits and bookies who clearly don't give a shit about them in the first place and are only trying to fuck them out of more of their money. There's nothing unpatriotic about not giving a shit about the Melbourne cup, in fact I consider these people rather smart and applaud them for not falling victims to the stupidity that is Melbourne cup.
Anonymous
really have to disagree with your comment that men shouldnt dance! aaargh! they just need to let go of their ego for, mmm, five minutes should do it, and learn the dance steps. It takes so little to make a woman happy!
I am me, but I have changed and I can't stop it, fix it, even really understand it. I did not come from another reality, I have the same body, the same DNA. But a very nice doctor needed to play with my brain. I look almost the same, in the very beginning I thought I was the same. But I am different.
How do I choose to let the old me rest and embrace the "new" me?
So again; Hmmmmm.
I'm just thinking out loud.
Anonymous
Everyone wants to be successful in life. But without knowing what is success, you want to be successful. What are the signs of success? Just having a lot of money, is that success? Why do you think money means success? Because money gives you freedom so that you can do whatever you want. You may have a big bank balance but, you have stomach aches, ulcers, you may have to go for bypass surgery; can’t eat this, can’t do this, can’t do that. We spend half our health to gain wealth and spend half our wealth to gain back the health. Isn’t that funny? Is this success? It is very bad mathematics.
Look at all those who claim to be successful — are they successful? No, they are miserable. Then, what is the sign of success? The sign of success is overwhelming joy, right? It is confidence, compassion, generosity and a smile that none can snatch away, being really happy and being able to be more free. These are the signs of a successful person. - Quote of Sri Sri Ravishankar Founder Art of Living Foundation www.artofliving.org
Anonymous
interesting mate. very nice. keep it up.
Sus
Hi Craig,
Just doing a bit of back reading, starting at the beginning of the archives ... such a great post. You're right, WE choose what WE eat (& often our children, if we "give in" to the pleading & take them to places like McDs [no kids for me, but have observed this]).
We all want to blame others for any problems we have, health being one of the (no pun intended) biggies.
I am going to help myself by choosing not to eat like this anymore. I can do it!
