Today’s post is not so much a personal development ‘lesson’ as it is a discussion and exploration into how blokes and chicks are wired; a look at something which interests me. As always, I don’t have all the answers but I do have plenty of questions and thoughts. Being as I’m not a female (mostly), I may be completely off track… so feel free to enlighten me girls.
As a scientist, personal development bloke and fascinated observer of people, I love to see what people do (and don’t do) and then try to figure why they do (or don’t do) whatever it is that they’re doing. Or not doing. As the case may be. Or not be. If you know what I mean. Hey, don’t you complain… I’m confused and I’m writing it!
Anyway, there’s two interesting observations I’ve made lately.
Observation 1
In most of my open-to-the-public workshops (as opposed to my corporate gigs) the vast majority of my audience is typically women. The weekend just past we ran our Melbourne RYL program (photos up soon) and over eighty percent of the attendees were of the more attractive and sweeter smelling gender. A couple of weeks ago I gave an open-to-the-public keynote presentation (health, fitness, lifestyle, psychology stuff) in a large fitness centre here in Melbourne and nearly ninety percent(!) of the audience were women. These kinds of percentages are pretty common for my presentations. Now, if I was a young, good-looking, stud-muffin with a six-pack and a severe case of Brad-Pitt-itis that might give us some insight into the skewed numbers, but clearly I’m not, and clearly, people are coming along for the information, the motivation and the education. Even when I do a presentation where many of the people in the audience don’t really know who I am, we still have a much higher percentage of women book in and attend.
Observation 2
The vast majority of commentors on this site are women. While it varies a little from article to article, the ratio of female to male contributors is quite amazing. Recently I took a stroll through some of my past posts and the percentage of female commentors is regularly up around the ninety percent mark.
So the obvious question is, “why does this happen and what does it tell us?”
You’re right; that’s actually two questions.
Well, I’m not really sure but I’ll throw around a few possibilities…
1. All the men are out hunting.
2. Only a very small percentage of men can read and write.
3. What I write or speak about isn’t applicable to the males of the species.
4. I’m not manly enough to connect with the blokes.
5. Women need more help than men.
6. I don’t write enough articles about monster trucks or cage fighting.
Naaah, probably not.
Perhaps…
1. A higher percentage of blokes (higher than ten percent that is) actually read my stuff but they are not as comfortable to comment as the ladies.
2. Growing up, blokes are not ‘trained’ to talk about relationships, feelings, emotions, fears, weaknesses, problems.. etc.
3. Perhaps some guys consider having a need for ‘personal development’ to be a sign of weakness (which would make me… pathetic).
4. Blokes don’t have the same level of emotional intelligence or awareness as the girls. Or maybe they just don’t show it.
Or possibly…
1. Women are simply more aware and more in touch with their emotional selves.
2. Women are more prepared to admit (and deal with) flaws, weaknesses and destructive habits and behaviours.
3. Women are more proactive (about creating positive change) while blokes are more reactive – they wait for the catastrophe to happen and then slip into their Superman outfit.
4. One of my (female) staff suggested that women ’search’ more because overall they’re not as happy as men. Don’t yell at me – a woman told me that.
Maybe…
1. The way I communicate resonates more with women.
2. Perhaps the site needs less photos of sunsets and more images of blokes and their power tools.
3. Women just like talking.
A final thought…
Maybe some of us alpha-male-warriors need to climb down from the security of our monster trucks and go and see Sex and the City tonight.
Or perhaps give another bloke a hug.
Help a confused male out; let me know your thoughts on this perplexing issue.
I’m off to hunt.
Er, I mean do Yoga.
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{ 74 comments… read them below or add one }
I think it’s just a case of blokes being too proud to admit they could be better people.
If I were to try and get my old man on Craig Harper Dot Com, or to a Craig Harper workshop, he’d be disgusted and dismiss it as yet another pile of crap that he doesn’t need.
But then you have me. And most of my mates. We come from the generation of metrosexuals. We groom. We wax (actually, I don’t, but some do… just so you know!). We eat healthy (compared to our parents, although there’s room for debate there). We prefer city over country because it gives us Starbucks and coffee.
We live in an interesting time where one set of males (and young people) are couch sitters and slobs, and then the young professionals who are generally fit, smell nice and spend a lot of money on hair styles.
I reckon if you were writing this blog 15 years ago, 100% of your audience would have been females. You’ll probably find that the 10% who are males who are here now are either “metrosexuals” or have a real desire to be fit. Or just don’t mind being open.
I dunno. There’s so many reasons, and any one of them could be true.
Survey time, I reckon! Let’s find out how well your male audience smell! (self-assessment, of course!!)
Hi Craig,
I am a guy, read your posts every day but don’t comment.
cheers, tim.
Hey Craig,
The very statement “Personal Development” implies a need to change, be responsible and be accountable (to oneself). The key I believe lies way back when in the garden of eden,instead of just admitting that they had done wrong Adam immediately said “she made me do it”. That still remains the same today. My experience is that men prefer to blame shift rather than develop. When it comes to personal development woman are willing to go through a period of mourning and therefore allowing new life to blossom forth within themselves. I find that men find it easier to replace (new car, jet ski etc)rather than to allow themselves to feel and experience the death to self. How awesome would it be if they stepped up to the plate and allowed themselves to be who they are created to be without having to prove to others that they are all ego, all male, all powerfull. If men realised how impressed women are with men who attend personal development seminars perhaps more men would attend …… then again maybe not !!!
Cheers Cheryl
Hey Big Guy
Maybe you should run a nude mud wrestling workshop with free beer and see if any blokes turn up…. At least it would give you an idea if your current content is the problem for guys!!
Hey Jamie – thanks for your thoughts.. guess your old man won’t want this hug then ( )
Hi Cheryl… thanks for your thoughts ( )
Tim, Tim, Tim… where you been man? Thanks for saying hi – don’t be a stranger.
Cheers…
Hey Craig ! You already know how hard a time I had getting Bill to come along just to meet you for a coffee ! He reckons he doesn’t need all this sort of stuff because he knows what he should be doing for his own betterment. Trouble is, he just “doesn’t get time” to do it !
{HUGS}
Tina
Maybe you should go where the blokes are, eg Bunnings. Instead of the usual “renovate your bathroom” DIY session on a Saturday morning you could run a RYL workshop.
The blame shifting comment rings a bell. It is a rare, RARE man who doesn’t immediately point to someone else in life/work/home who is the REAL problem who needs to get fixed. And yes, more women are unhappy, I think, until they stop putting all their energy into making a man happy so he will in turn meet their needs. He can’t meet all her needs anyway, nor is he motivated to do so. After all, he’s getting HIS needs met, by and large, so what’s the problem? I think more women are waking up to this reality. I’m a regular reader.
I’d go with perhaps and possibly scenarios. But maybe men are already perfect and don’t need to improve themselves!
Always read. Always go right on. And then rarely comment.
Will make more of an effort.
Great post Craig, made me laugh. I think us chicks are less likely to be happy with ourselves overall, and gravitate towards “self-help” info much more than guys.
I have recommended your site to my bloke, but I can tell he won’t be reading any time soon. He’s definitely not a “touchy-feely” emotional guy (well, sometimes, but only about 5% of the time lol), & I don’t think it would appeal to him … yet I love the site!
Does it feel weird for you when you do a public workshop and the majority are females? Or does it make you feel rock-star-ish?
Sus ( )
If only there was one more hour in the day Tina
( )
Nice idea ptprincess… I’m off to Bunnings – besides I love the smell of those BBQ’s on Saturday mornings!
( )
Thanks for sharing your thoughts anon..
Cheers
Aaaah Janelle – don’t throw petrol on the fire!!
( )
I’ll be looking Andrew!
Cheers…
Hi Sus – show your bloke the photo of the monster truck
– that could swing him!
not.
Definitely don’t feel rock starish about the percentage of females – they’re not there for me (as such), they’re there to hear what I have to say…
( )
Would you turn up Dash?
Funny boy.
Hi Craig…wish i could have been there at the weekend, will come to the next one. As a self-help junkie i guess us girls are a little more needy and who said you weren’t a stud muffin.
Have a great day xx
Michelle of Malmsbury
Hello Michelle! Whereyabeen?
You okay?
Nice to hear from you…
(xx)
Craig, maybe you’re just not as adept at flirting with us male readers as you are with the birds! We blokes could use some good old Craig-love too ya know! lol
-The Man’s man
XXXX
The one thing that stood out for me out of the possibles, was that ‘men wait for the catastrophe to happen & then put their superman outfit on!’ I think, however, that they do this intuitively & don’t actually have the time to explore better approaches. Workplaces these days, demand much more from them in years gone by, so they are busy trying to keep up & compete with everyone else in the rat race stakes.
I’m not sure that they have as many choices(with their time & how they spend it) as us females. At least my bloke doesn’t.
He would be in total agreement with all that you write & is a bit of a personal motivator in is own occupational area. However, he is so busy being superman to everyone that HE & his physical health (psychologically & emotionally, I could learn a lot from him)- take a backseat.
So being whilst being superman is great for all those who are ’saved’ by him, I wish he had the time to develop & enhance his own average physical potential.
Maybe you could lobby workplaces to make sure men have access to more ‘health time’ in their day. Maybe it could be compulsory to read your posts and act on them !!
Or maybe instead of all those sad & dreary no-smoking ads – we could have a TV post by you !! Much more effective, I think.
Anyhow, as I am a female I do like to share my thoughts….but better close.
Hugs & thanks, M
Hello Man’s Man, you know my love is not gender-specific…
Especially if you’re wearing something that smells like vanilla
Here’s a manhug to keep you going
( )
Hi M – thanks for your (numerous) thoughts – you make much sense.
Enjoy your day – ( )
Hi Craig,
My husband is a manly man who would hate your website but he is actually the one who has helped me out most with my food, exercise etc. He gets the simplicity of it all and really made me wake up recently and stop all the Bullcrap.
If you want to be thin do what you need to be thin and dont complain about it. If you want to comlain then be fat and dont care about it. Either way make up your mind what you want and do what you need to do. Either care or dont care but dont sit on the fence complaining!
He is blunt and to the point but his outlook has really helped me be a happier person.
i think men see things more black and white and dont seem to have as many psychological problems (if any) relating to food and weight as us. We tend to obsess and they tend to eat what they want when they want and enjoy it (whilst maintaining a steady weight because they dont diet then binge or any of that).
I love that he hates places like this because it gives me some perspective – we dont have to analyse everything to death and most of the time we can just chill out and actually live our lives without obsessing about the latest calorie counting / exercise regime.
Some men have a great outlook and my goal is to be MORE like them!!
-EggCarton
yep Craig i’m good, been writing my book…not easy…don’t know how you do it.
michelle
Hi Craig,
Put me down for being another Male ‘lurker’ who reads religiously, but rarely comments. Also, when you’re a Male who DOES’NT move in “Metro/Waxing” circles…this sort of “self-help Bull-shit” definitely is’nt to be encouraged!! But, luckily for this non Metro Male(with an average amount of body hair), I have a couple (actually, probably only 1.5??) mates who are of similar thinking, which helps keep me sane….for the most part! Sad indictment (Ladies) on the Male species, I know…but we’re getting there!
Well.. as a constantly thinking female, often doing 10 things at the same time… I admire the way males can keep things simple. But I’m sure they must be getting more & more frustrated with us demanding women. I mean there we are in the workforce & not at home being the doting wife (not that I’ve tried this!!). We are being more independent & dont rely on them as much as perhaps their mothers relied on their fathers.
I think women adapt quicker to situations, probably cos we nut it out with our girlfriends who often give us the strength to move on or try something new – well mine do.
Men still want to be MEN. They want (I think!!) to be the breadwinner (I’ve been this!!), the he-man, the carer etc but us women are earning bigger bucks, lifting (& grunting) heavy weights & can seem to cope quite well on our own. Ok…..I am mainly talking about me. Yet I work in a mainly male dominated industry & am considered “one of the boys” These guys do tend to open up to me & its quite cool to get some insight into the male psyche. I also have to admit that I do like monster trucks & can talk a little about cars & golf & sport. I think I’ve gone off track now. ha ha
As someone who recently tried to help a guy THINK about his situation, I often found that questions were ignored or thrown back at me or semi-answered.
I also found with my ex that we were soooooo on different pages, that we often had to call a stalemate.
I know I think too much & perhaps as women that’s what we do. I also think that some women can overdo the self-help & are really not helping themselves at all.
I have to say Craig, you’re the best motivator, self-helper, inspiring dude going around. You cover so many topics. You dont come up with ridiculous stuff. It makes sense. Your ideas are not that hard to adopt, if we can get off our butts that is!!
Its SIMPLE. More guys should come here (or comment) cos I doubt they’d feel too threatened mentally (or manly) There’s testosterone everywhere.. I think I’m even growing a beard…. ok…. joking.. seriously joking!!
And why wouldnt blokes come here, there’s chicks galore! WOO HOO!!
Can I get a manly cuddle now please?
Cheers,
Pet
xoxo
I know loads of blokes that are reading your daily posts Craig. I think they just don’t feel the need to comment quite as much as what you are saying is challenging them and they need a bit of time to reflect on the the thoughts that you are stirring up.
Keep up the good work and take the silence as a mark of respect.
an anonomous bloke…
Hi Craig, its strange how the world works. I gave away my TV 3 yrs ago so that i could do some of those “things” that I could never find time for. I’m at home at the moment and turned on the set to see whats changed. Well, you were half way through your interview with David and Kim and I was amazed. Someone honest with obvious integrity, sweet! Your views on health and mental conditioning were excellent and communicated so well.
So i fired up the cyber tin can and found your site. You can add another male to your list. Cheers R.
I comment here regularly. The comments I leave here, however, are probably different from what the other 90% of people would leave. Is that because I’m a bloke, or because I’m me? I am not quite sure.
I think perhaps we are being a little bit harsh on both genders. The following two thoughts came to mind as differences:
1. Women like making connections, and talking about their feelings. They like the support of others in working through their personal development goals. We like to be nurturing, but we also like to be nurtured.
2. Men are more independent, and prefer approaching their personal development goals alone.
Interestingly enough, there are a plethora of male bloggers who are very passionate about personal development. There’s nothing more attractive than a man who can connect emotionally… some are just more private about it.
Is it just me? I thought all the women were here for Craig’s hugs?
A smile for Craig.
Hi eggcarton – your bloke sounds like a smart man… ( )
Keep it up Michelle – it will be worth it… ( )
Good to see another bloke rw – thanks for dropping by…
Oh, okay Pet… (( ))
(I made it extra manly)
Hi Anonamous bloke… thanks!
Good to know.
Enjoy your day ~
Glad to have you on board R.
Thanks for the feedback.
Cheers.
Kel – you are my most prolific male commentor… you need some kind of award.
I’ll give it some thought….
Hi Stephanie – you make some good points… thanks for contributing
Only if it was on a Saturday….I have church choir on Sunday!! LOL
Heya Craig,
I was starting to wonder if I was in the right place!
Eventually put it down to your magnetic personality
Not real keen on the “man hug” thing… more of a light shoulder puncher myself (is there a symbol for that?)
Cheers Bigfella,
Gb
Craig…. You are an inspiration!! Interesting and thought provoking! I am a simple little girl (54 next birthday!)who finds fascination with people and what makes them ‘tick’ the way they do. Found my way to you via Grubby & DD, who I listen to, while driving my truck to trackwork (racehorses) in the mornings. I don’t get a lot of time for R & R (read & reply) but want to throw a thought your way. . . Pre-historic gender programming! Could it be that we really have little control over our very most basic male/female instincts. I’m not smart, not scholastic and mostly in life balance things out with instinct. Perhaps my thinking is heffer dust!? But…. then again!?
Men and women are just wired differently. They think, respond, feel and act differently. This is how its supposed to be, because each has their own strength that complements the other. However:
1. Aussie history has involved a lot of blokes going to war within a 100 year time span, where a great chunk of young men died, and those who returned had little help in emotionally processing their experience. This has a knock-on affect for years.
2. Broad strokes here, but some blokes (not all) tend to only choose change in their life when the consequences of their choices are more painful than changing. Women don’t help the situation if they compensate for this by de-selfing to accommodate their partner staying as he is. It’s the nature of women to do this, but it’s not helpful in the long term.
C
Hi Craig
Congrats!! # 4 is the winner – thank the lady in your office coz she is spot on – I wonder if you would have thought of it on your own???
Woman are under constant scutiny / judgement / pressure about the way we look. We have no choice but to be more aware of our own health and fitness because we are constantly made aware of the fact that we dont meet the ‘ideal’ – not the medias and not mens. In my opinion, women seek to change themselves more than men because women never feel good enough!! Sad but true!! Men on the other hand have an uncanny ability to feel great about themselves no matter what they look like.
And NO Im not a bra burning feminist I promise – its just the way it is unfortunately
BY
Hi Gb – I’m developing the shoulder punch symbol as we speak.
Er, write.
Cheers…
Hi ovathefence
Pre-historic gender programming!
You’re smart like a fox.
Don’t confuse education with intelligence – there are all kinds of smart.. ( )
Hi C – wow that’s deep… and very insightful ~ thanks.
Interesting thoughts and observations
Cheers..