* Let’s take our serious “what’s the meaning of life” hats off today… and have some fun.
Just because we can.
Sometimes the deep and meaningful gets a little emotionally cumbersome, even for moi.
Today’s the day for some silliness.
A chuckle perhaps.
So, what is it with Spiderman?
And Batman?
As Superheroes go, surely they are the lamest ever?
I totally don’t get their popularity.
At least Spiderman has that stupid web-shooting thing going on (clearly the dumbest super power of all time).. but what about the bloke in the plastic bat suit with the moulded fake abs?
He should be embarrassed to leave his stupid cave in his stupid fibreglass car.
And he doesn’t even have super powers!
None!
He’s a super impostor.
Not super at all!
He’s just a rich weirdo who likes dressing up.
How on earth did he get his own TV show?
And don’t even talk to me about his impotent side-kick Robin; an absolute blight on the Superhero landscape.
He’s the star attraction in the Superhero hall of shame.
They only put him on the show because they hoped his lame-ness (yep, a word) would make Bat-head look half decent and almost credible.
It didn’t.
And waddabout Wonder Woman?
Kinda hot and her invisible plane is pretty cool but overall, a super-dud.
Lame-arama.
How’s a ninety pound Superhero with a fifteen-inch waist and two inches of make-up gonna save me from any bad guys?
She ain’t!!
How can I respect a Superhero who has arms like my mum (mom)?
I can’t.
For me, a Superhero has gotta be built like a Superhero.
Even the chicks.
The Hulk is kinda cool and I dig his arms and delts but he ain’t really a hero.
More a mutant.
And I guess it’s hard to find an appropriate outfit when you have a ninety inch chest and you’re green.
Speaking of mutants, those turtles sure got some good press in the eighties didn’t they?
And while I find the concept of a super-baby (Kal-El) being placed in an escape rocket by his father (Jor-El) and sent to Earth from the planet Krypton, where he grew up to become my favourite Superhero completely reasonable… I can’t get my head around the concept of one (or four) of the world’s slowest reptiles being ass-kicking, athletic, karate experts… who can speak!
But that’s just me.
Let’s be honest, all boys want super powers.
And some girls.
I’m told.
Growing up, most kids dream of having some of those special ass-kicking, bar-bending, freakazoid… abilities.
I was no different.
Er.. am no different.
I so wanna be able to fly.
Only child; possibly too much time on my hands.
But back to my personal fave Superdude.
The Man of Steel.
Can’t go past the big guy with the chiseled jaw and the ‘S’ on his chest.
He has always been the epitome of an Uberhero for me.
Catches bad guys, can fly (so cool… and very handy), is super strong, has super hearing, can see through stuff (so wanted that ability when I was fourteen), can push meteors off their deadly trajectory, is buffed and has a hot (albeit easily fooled) girl.
Admittedly I’m not a massive fan of the cape or the body suit but the ‘S’ is cool and I guess he woulda looked somewhat less than ‘super’ patrolling the globe in jeans and a T shirt.
Or some sensible slacks and a cardigan perhaps.
Okay, we’ll stick with the cape.
I just asked one of my (young) trainers who his favourite Super Hero is and he said ‘Wolverine’.
What the the heck is a ‘Wolverine’?
Sounds like a fruit to me.
“I’ll have four bananas and a pound of Wolverines thanks.”
Clearly, I’m a little out of touch and I have some Superhero researching to do.
Tell me who your fave (and least fave) Superheroes and why.
(And don’t be disrespecting my homie Superman either!)
Love this article? Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter today to receive more articles like this, and my FREE Ebook!
Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh yeah…I wanted the super x-ray vision when I was a kid!! The strength and the good looks would have been a bonus too!!
But now I reckon the ‘Rock Ape’ dude from the Fantastic Four would be my Super hero!! Ugly, dumb, strong as….and still, he ends up with a hot chick!!
There’s still hope for me…hehe!!
But come to think of it, I reckon Capt Jack Harkness from Torchwood is pretty cool too. The man who can never die!! Boy….he’d have some stories to tell!!!
Least fave….would be Cat Woman. I just don’t get it!!!
Cheers….SB
Hey Craig.
Cat Woman…. no good.
I’m with you; she’s a dud.
Cheers.
Hey Craig,
Last week I was watching a new American game show called the Power of 10.
The question was
Which super power would you rather have…..1. The power to read minds or 2. The power to Fly
Well over half picked reading minds!!
I was shocked.
Without trashing my southern neighbours too much….Are they crazy????
If I have learned anything that enables me to live a more peaceful existence it is….
“WHAT YOU THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!!” (quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer)
Anyway getting back to flying. That would be awesome!!
No Car!!
NO GAS!!
How long would it take me to get to Australia????
Personally anything beats getting very large and turning GREEN!!
thanks for this one craig- I had a really good chuckle, especially at the concept of superman in slacks and a cardie- its a bit like shorts with socks and sandles isnt it? No self respecting super hero could be seen in that.
Im sitting here wracking my brain about super heroes- and the only thing I can think of is how unfare you were to poor ol batty. Dont you think the very early batman movies were cool???? I suppose Robin was pretty close to socks and sandles style wasnt he.(?) sigh.
Could Monkey from Monkey magic be considered super hero? He had a magic flying cloud, a magic staff, and could do all sorts of cool things by plucking his hairs out and muttering a spell. And he always got the bad guys without having to wear his undies on the outside.
Now this has got me thinking about super hero hygene. If they wear undies OVER their tights, does this mean that they have several pairs of tights? It would be alot of work washing seven pairs of thick tights which begs the question,” do super heros wear two pairs of undies??- one underneath the tights and one over???? Or maybe they turn their tights inside out and back to front to save on washing and not wear any undies underneath at all.?
I completely understand if you dont publish this.
I need help…
Have a great week!
Edlkroy, I mean Elroy
ahh.. favorite superhero..
)..
There used to be one (or in fact two), a long, long time ago, called ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ and ‘The Bionic Woman’. If I recall correctly they were able to become invisible.. I totally loved that! Combine that with the strength to fly, and I’m happy
(but Wolverine sure has his charm too..)
My least fave Superhero? Okay, most men won’t like me for this one.. And won’t agree on him being a ‘superhero’.. but that’s exactly my point: James Bond.. URGHHHH..
)
A really ugly, dumb guy, walking into any room and all women completely faint due to his total ‘superbeing’, solving ‘every’ problem he faces.. Come on. Don’t get me going here..
I prefer any fake superhero in his pyama-suit any time
Ellen
Hey old man,
Please keep posting about what you’re good at. Not superheroes!!!
Wolverine has shown a willingness to kill and behave anti-socially. He belongs to an underclass of morally ambivalent anti-heroes who are coarser and more violent rather than classic superheroes. Others include Green Arrow, Black Canary, Blade and, in some incarnations, Batman. Namor,
Here are the official types of superheroes from wikipedia.
Armored Hero: A gadgeteer whose powers are derived from a suit of powered armor, e.g. Iron Man, Steel.
Blaster: A hero whose main power is a distance attack, usually an “energy blast” e.g., Cyclops, Starfire, Static.
Brick/Tank: A character with a superhuman degree of strength and endurance and usually an oversized, muscular body, e.g., Robotman, Hercules, The Thing, The Hulk, Colossus, and Savage Dragon.
Almost every superhero team has one member of this variety, a fact X-Factor’s Guido Carosella noted when he took the codename “Strong Guy” at a reporter’s suggestion that was his role in the team.
Dominus: A hero who controls a giant robot, a subtype common in Japanese superhero and science fiction media, e.g. Megas XLR, Big Guy, the Power Rangers.
S.T.R.I.P.E. from the series Stars and S.T.R.I.P.E. is a good example of an American comics Dominus.
Elementalist: A hero who controls some natural element or part of the natural world, e.g., Storm (weather), Polaris (magnetism), the Human Torch (fire).
Gadgeteer: A hero who invents special equipment that often imitates superpowers, e.g., Forge, Nite Owl Amazo.
Mage: A hero who is trained in the use of magic e.g., Doctor Fate, Doctor Strange, Zatanna, most Magical Girls.
Marksman: A hero who uses projectile weapons, typically guns, bows and arrows or throwing blades, e.g., Punisher, Rose Tattoo, Green Arrow, Speedy, Hawkeye.
Martial Artist: A hero whose physical abilities are mostly human rather than superhuman but whose hand-to-hand combat skills are phenomenal. Some of these characters are actually superhuman (Iron Fist and Daredevil), while others are human beings who are extremely skilled and athletic (Batman and related characters, Elektra, and Shang Chi). Harley Quinn, Mercy Graves.
Mentalist: A hero who possesses psionic abilities, such as telekinesis, telepathy and extra-sensory perception, e.g., Professor X, Jean Grey, Saturn Girl.
Shapeshifter: A hero who can manipulate his/her own body to suit his/her needs, such as stretching (Mister Fantastic, Plastic Man) or disguise (Changeling, Mystique). Other such shapeshifters can transform into animals as a means of combat (Beast Boy). Characters like The Mask also share lots of these traits as well. Wonder Twins.
Size changer: A shapeshifter who can alter his/her size, e.g., the Atom (shrinking only), Colossal Boy, Garganta (growth only), Hank Pym (both).
Slasher: A hero whose main power is some form of hand-to-hand cutting weapon, either devices, such as knives or swords (Zorro), or natural, such as claws (Wolverine).
Speedster: A hero possessing superhuman speed and reflexes, e.g., The Flash, Quicksilver.
Why don’t we go out tomorrow and get you your superhero commentator walking stick.
Hello Craig,
Ok, I have a few because, well you know me, always willing to give the benefit of the doubt even to the super-cheesey…. If I could be a superhero growing up every Saturday morning I watched Spideman & his amazing friends…. his friends were much cooler than him, Ice Man (surfed on ice all over town, cool surfer dude) and Firestar… She was the coolest. Red long hair and yellow suit… I so wanted to be her! Besides, who wouldn’t want to hang out with two guys that you could totally destroy! Think about it… fire and ice, no brainer and don’t even think about what happens to webs in a open flame.
If this is too old school…. then I also wanted to be Rogue but not from the movie, from the cartoon! Rogue has red hair with white highlights and from Mississippi, so she was a southern belle! She can drain the power from any superhero/mutant by the touch of her hand, so she wears gloves. The drawback to Rogue’s power, she almost killed the first guy she kissed, left him in a coma….
If my favs are alien to you… you can find them in wikipedia (it has everything, even Craig!)
There, you have my geek side…
()
Tami
Elasta girl would be my pick…
Not the least because of the way she handles Mr. Incredible and her two kids…
And maybe because as a yoga fiend, her stretchiness appeals.
OMG!!!!
Have you been living under a rock???
Are you really a hundred years old????
Wolverine…. is played by only the most gorgeous man on tv today…… (and that would be Hugh Jackman….not Matt Damon Craig!!!!!!)
As for all the other super heroes….. Maybe its time to invent our very own…..
We could call him “Kick-ur-butt man” or perhaps “GYST dude”… hahahahaha
I’ll be expecting to see you in tights when I meet you Kick-ur-butt man!!! hahahahaha
As for me…. I think I’d be a great side kick!!!(cos I’m really good at those!!!! toe-breakingly good!!!)heheheheh
Don’t have a name yet!!!! Will work on that one!!! hehehe
Have a great day…
Laughing already!!!!
KK
Hi Dianned1.
Reading minds… nah.
I’d rather fly.
I’m with you.
( )
Hi Elroy.
Don’t get help.
I like your weirdness.
It makes me feel bettere about my issues.
Hi Ellen.
James Bond – boring, dud.
Gotta say… not a big fan of Steve Austin either…
Cheers.
Hi Chris.
Old man huh?
Yeh, I guess.
Clearly I know very little about Superheroes…
Except about the best one.
Of course
Thanks for your extensive overview of Superhero classifications…
I like this…
“morally ambivalent anti-heroes”
Nice.
Cheers.
Hi Tami.
Imagine that, a girl who drains someone’s power… weird.
I could say so many things.
Yet I choose.. silence… LOL
( )
Hi klm.
The Incredibles.. I forgot all about them.
They are a cool family.
( )
Hi KK.
Jason Bourne would kick Wolverdudes ass.
Hugh who?
Sorry Dude.
( )
Seriously buddy……….
It’s a very sad thing when you don’t even know who Huge is.!!!!
MMMMmmmm MMMMmmmmm
You have just lost your superhero status and been demoted to ‘sidekick’.
I’m seriously gonna have to whoop you for that one…..
He’s one of those amazingly good looking guys that you need to employ at one of your gyms!!!! MMM MMM mMMM…. and well built… love those biceps…..
Yep…. as much as he’s not really a superhero… more a mutant…. Wolverine does it for me!!!! (except without the facial hair!!! ooer!!)
I have a new name for your superhero character!!!
Super ass-kicking dude!!!
OR SAKD!!!! hahahahaha….. which you so are BTW!!!!
Whoop u moro!!!
KK
Captain Planet all the way!!!
okay…enough of the dudes in capes and tights. I was never attracted to a guy that did the undies on the outside thing and that thing about leaping over tall building is over-rated.
If there was ever anyone that I wanted on my side fighting off the bad guys, it has to be Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor(Terminator 2: Judgement Day).
She was one cool kick-arse ‘Superchic’..arms of steel and means as…..I want those biceps !!!!
Sandi
hmmmm… Craig and silence, isn’t that like superman and kryptonite?
Behave or I’ll take my gloves off!
Tami
()
Hey KK.
Whatever.
Talk to the cyber-hand.
Er… Kel.
Squeeze me?
Captain who?
I think not.
Hi Sandi.
Hmmm.
Not technically a Superhero… but very cool nonetheless.
( )
Hi Tami.
Sometimes saying nothing is saying everything.
And Sometimes the silence is deafening.
( )
Consider that… Grasshopper.
I will consider it, Master….. Riddler?
()
Tam
Hows about Xena Warrior Princess – Is she classed as a superhero??
Anyway there’s a chick with a great bod. No stick arms and legs on her.
wonder woman thanks. what a doll!
oh! and danger mouse! and batfink (my wings are like a shield of steel!)
dud superhero? the incredible hulk.
cheers!
julie hobart
‘Harperman – with the amazing power to see through all your excuses!’
Don’t forget to check your tights for ladders
Diana, UK
Dear Craig, although this post does not relate to the current article I have had an issue on my mind for a bit now and I don’t know how to email you without answering an article. The issue has been the need to be selfish. Now this need is completely foreign to me as a person who has spent her entire life trying to please everyone. Ocassionally I get these bright sparks of intelligence that tell me making myself miserable so I can try to make everyone else happy only paves the way to unhappiness it is not a concept that I hold on to for long. I look back over my life and I regret the choices I have made because they are rarely the direction I wanted to take. I’ve prided myself on being an amazing survivor but lament the fact I have never chosen my life, simply survived what life has dealt me. Not much to be proud of. Now recently I have tried to make changes to my life and that is where I have hit the need to be selfish. My father has an issue with a sport i want to do and in the past I have refrained from voicing my desires because I didn’t want to upset him. But that approach has got me miserable so recently I went to hell with pleasing other people, I’m going to be selfish and live my life for once (I just wont let him find out). Well he found out and what entailed was an abusive exchange with him telling me how stupid I am and all the rest. Externally I was remaining calm and saying that he is entitled to his opinion but it was my life and I was going to do it anyway but internally I was hiding away again. Unfortunately I both live and rely heavily on him for transport to and from work so it is not a matter to simply avoid him. So I was minutely grasping to my need to be selfish and live my life when my Mum went in to Hospital out of the blue. Mum’s going to be fine but I was disappointed in how quickly I put my life on hold to make sure everyone else is okay. This week was meant to be my first week of a 12 week challenge to change my life and it has fallen apart since the comments my father made. And most of all I am mad at myself because I cannot be selfish when it comes to myself and what I want. I think I’ve kinda ran off in a ramble, but I just felt like I had to voice my annoyance at being unable to be selfish when it counts. Briggy37
Hi Briggy.
1) It’s not selfish; it’s normal.
2) YOUR life.. not your dads.. you’re not ten (are you?)
3) Doing what’s right for us… doesn’t (usually) equal selfishness.
4) You don’t need approval.. you just need to know what you want. As long as you need other’s approval.. you’ll always be compromising your own happiness and dreams…
Peace.