G’day Kids. I thought it was time for a little fun and frivolity at me-dot-com today, although some of you may find the following information moderately educational and insightful. Or not. This article is for you girls – call it my gift to you. Of course it’s written tongue-in-cheek. Mostly.
An Age-Old Problem
The communication, connection and understanding barrier between the sexes has existed since the dawn of time – which could either be six thousand years, or several billion years depending on which camp you fall into – Creation or Evolution. Anyway, it ain’t a new phenomenon and it’s as much of an issue today as it was when Ogg dragged his first kill back to the cave for Mrs Ogg all those millennia ago. And of course she was pissed because he forgot the diet coke.
An Operating Manual
The interesting and often frustrating thing about us blokes is that we don’t come with an instruction manual. And if there was one single ‘how-to’ guide, it would be insufficient because while the majority of men have much in common, we don’t all work exactly the same. I know you girls think we do, but we don’t. For example, I have some of the more typical traits – I like to lift heavy things, I own an unnecessarily fast motorbike, I like food, girls and sport, however, I don’t like to hunt, I don’t drink alcohol and I do love a good theological and philosophical debate. See – different.
Some Universal Truths
However, putting aside our individual idiosyncrasies and differences, there are some universal truths that apply to the majority (not the entirety) of bloke-dom. Truths which if understood, embraced and applied by the females of the species could potentially lead to relationship nirvana and world peace. In fact, this article and your application of the relevant information, could change the landscape of humanity as we know it, so put your hand on your heart ladies and read on.
In an effort to distill what could be millions of words on the topic down into something which is more reader friendly, concise and practical, I have decided to summarise my extensive research (forty five years of being a bloke) into a few simple recommendations, thoughts and suggestions…
1. Say what you need to say briefly and get to the point quickly. We males can only maintain concentration or simulate interest for so long. Apart from the fact that our attention span never improves beyond the age of six (except where sport or work is involved), we get confused and disinterested when you girls go the ‘long way’ with any conversation. When it comes to verbosity, less is more. Just give us the facts.
2. We don’t get offended often. Or if we do, it’s not for long. Diplomacy doesn’t work with most men. Be blunt, straight and specific. Don’t allude to my ‘slightly tighter jeans’ – just tell me that I’m turning into a fat pig. I’ll understand that.
3. Don’t infer or be subtle. We’ll miss the point and you’ll get hurt. Don’t wait for us to notice something or read between the lines, you’ll die of old age and frustration first. Unlike many women, we blokes don’t generally read into things. We don’t walk away from conversations and ask ourselves questions like, “I wonder what she really meant when she said…” Nope, not how we work.
4. Learn to think like a bloke. This doesn’t mean ‘become’ a bloke, it simply means know how we’re wired. To be honest, we men generally consider thinking to be somewhat over-rated as it invariably leads to problems. Especially in relationships. Contrary to popular belief, in many ways the typical male of the species has evolved ‘beyond’ thinking and is capable of putting himself into a meditative state in a matter of seconds. Very Eckhart Tolle. And you thought we weren’t deep.
5. Fragrance. If your bloke is not taking enough notice of you, it may well be your fragrance. Despite what you think, we hate floral smells; they remind us of our creepy old Aunties. Vanilla and musk are generally good options for blokes (they remind us of food) but if those two don’t prove to be effective, you might wanna wear something with a hint of petrol (gasoline), beer or steak. If all else fails, dab a little Dencorub behind both ears (my personal fave) – that should do the trick.
6. We like to fix things. If you don’t want us to fix it, then don’t complain about it. If you want sympathy, ring your girlfriend.
7. We don’t do doctors. We blokes have our own health-management strategy and it mostly doesn’t involve doctors. It’s a little known fact that merely being in the presence of a doctor will typically induce a stress response in the average male of the species – seeing an elevation in heart rate, respiration, blood pressure, cortisol production and an increased risk of stroke and heart attack. For the average bloke, a doctor is a last resort and we may need to be unconscious to see him.
8. Keep in mind that size matters. Car engines. TV screens. Meals. Bank balance. Biceps. Penis. The obvious exception being the mobile (cell) phone. And for some of us, the penis.
9. We lie. A lot. We are masters of exaggeration, embellishment and omission – all fancy words for telling fibs. We never let the facts get in the way of a good story and the older we get, the better we were. We are inherently insecure and needy so we make stuff up. If other people think we’re better than we actually are, they’ll like us more. And that’s very important.
10. We don’t get movies with a complex story line. And we all wanna be Jason Bourne. If you don’t want us asking stupid questions the whole time then don’t take us to those stupid movies. If we have to think, we’re not interested.
11. We are emotionally challenged. So stop asking us how we feel – we don’t know.
12. If you want us to be more interested in you, then act less interested in us. If you want us to be less interested in you, then act more interested in us. We want what we can’t have. We find desperation a turn off and indifference sexy. I know… it confuses me too.
13. Watching sport is healing. Unlike visiting a doctor, watching sport – either on TV or live – will add years to the life of a male. Only now is medical science beginning to understand the numerous therapeutic benefits of being a sporting spectator. Some of the more enlightened physicians are now actually prescribing sport watching as a treatment for a range of conditions – for everything from chafing to cancer – with outstanding results. When the male is watching sport his body is producing happy hormones and we all know, happy hormones equal good health and long life. It is estimated that if the average bloke could consistently watch between eight and twelve hours of sport each day, one day we could see a sports fan live to three hundred years of age.
14. Don’t discourage farting. Men who hold in farts have been known to explode. There have been several cases of men spontaneously combusting at the kitchen table because their partner was unsupportive of their flatulence. So selfish. I actually know a bloke, who knows a bloke who’s next door neighbours’ uncle blew up holding in a fart at the kitchen sink. They found his DNA in six different rooms. Now if that’s not proof, I dunno what is. Just remember girls, a farting bloke is a happy bloke. Apart from the obvious health benefits (better out than in), the fart can also be a great ice-breaker in certain social settings. But then again, maybe that’s just me.
15. Don’t ever ring us and tell us that “we need to talk” when you get home. We won’t be there.
16. Your tip? I was going to leave it at fifteen points but then I thought, why waste all that collective genius (I’m talking about you) out there in cyber-space. Whether you’re a bloke or blokette, I’m sure you have something to add to this most serious of discussions. Just click on the comment thingy at the bottom to add your thoughts and we’ll send out a book or shirt (your choice) for our most insightful and clever contribution.
Okay, no need to watch Doctor Phil any more girls, just simply apply this invaluable information and enjoy the incredible results. Remember, this is all cutting-edge research and of course, you can’t argue with science. So do it for you, do it for your bloke, do it for your relationship and most importantly, do it for humanity. The world will be a better place.
You’re welcome.
As always, let me know your thoughts on this topic. If you’re not sure how to leave a comment, click here. Yes, even you chronic Lurkers.
Ciao x
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{ 95 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Craig – Love the article! Now I know if I want my fiance to get those sun spots checked out I just need to render him unconcious and dump him in the doctors office.
my tip is:
16. Actively encouraging your bloke to hang out with the boys is relationship Gold. It’s right up there with enduring farts and laughing whilst he burps the lyrics to “Working Class Man.”
Hi Craig,
Going out to buy a vat of dencorub for mere male.
Got my t shirt and parading it quite nicely and getting comments as well.
Working on motivating myself to go back to the gym here.
My man is so good at putting his foot in mouth i want a badge pointing at him thats says ” Im with stupid”
Phew! After reading this and only being able to check off 6 out of 15 of these, I’m relieved to discover that I’m NOT actually a bloke in a chick’s body. Hallelujah!
Oh, Craig .. I had to wipe the tears from my eyes to keep reading this. Although I’m yet to find the part that’s “tongue-in-cheek”! Relationship nirvana and world peace, eh?
Here’s my contribution:
16. Men are competitive. They hate to lose. This is one situation where item number 2 doesn’t apply – there WILL be repercussions.
(I beat my ex-husband at golf once. As he silently but forcefully threw his clubs into the car, I asked him “Are we doing to have sex again??”
His monotone response: “Yes, but not with each other.” )
Hi Craig,
Thanks, you were right not only did it put a smile on my face…it made me laugh… thanks!!!
Now let’s not forget the happiness you blokes have with having sole possession of the remote control. You guys seem very happy surfing through the channels and seemingly catching snippets of this show and that…something that mostly annoys us chicks immensely….I know my ex used to change the channel as soon as he knew I was actually interested in “hearing” what was being said on a particular show!
Hugs for making me laugh
Chelle xxx
Need to be careful here Craig. Don’t want to give away to many bloke secrets. Mind you I like the idea of explaining our fascination and the unexplainable humour we blokes have with flatulance.
“Better an empty flat than a bad tennant”
Chat soon mate, () Vin.
Great post Craig, very educational! This info may just be the answer I’ve been looking for to solve all my relationship issues… or not…lol
I’m thinking that I may be suffering from a little gender confusion though as I can totally relate to point 14 – Fart tennis anyone?
( )
Amanda B
Ho ho ho! Thanks for the giggle!
Bravo.
Though, Craig, I must add that I’m going to thumb my nose at all your clever advice, and do so with supreme confidence that it shall have little impact on my ability to pull blokes.
See…I have a secret weapon. A little ‘sumthin’ sumthin’ that conquers pretty much all.
Can you guess what that is?
Oh yes. Here is it.:
VAGINA
;oP
Hi Craig, you forgot to mentions the health benefits of air-guitaring to hard rock and that any true Aussie bloke well tell you that Bon Scott cr**** all over Brian Johnson.
Cheers
Hi Craig,
Point number one is soooo true. I’ve come to the conclusion that my husband’s ears have an inbox filter and anything that I say is treated as spam.
I can’t take the credit for number 16 because I read it in a nauseating book called ‘The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands’.
Tip number 16:
Men have simple needs. If he’s not horny, make him a sandwich.
True?
grrrrrrr
EG xxx
ps
When we were on holidays recently, I bullied said husband into cooking dinner for the first time in TWELVE years of marriage. He used my hat as an oven mitt and burnt a hole in it. I rest my case.
So I have to get straight to the point but feign disinterest ??
Pffft… If you lot keep this up, Im gettin a girlfriend!
16? – I got nothing. Im all dizzy now.
xx
Hello Craig,
Well OMG to funny…..
Hey thanks for the tips, I so would luv to be a bloke for a day, you guys so have it good…
Great article Craig,
Charlotte xx
HI Craig.
I think I must be really a bloke. Give it to me straight up, no airy fairy fluff or f#%k off.
#6. Men like to fix EVERYTHING!!!! Drives girls nuts. Sometimes all we need is a well placed uh huh to acknowledge that your at least pretending to hear, rather than detailed instructions on how to fix it!!
PS. Love ya work – now get on ya bike!!
Hey Craig !
Now I almost feel like I’m married to YOU !! You blokes really are all the same !
16. Never expect a bloke to multi-task… as in hearing you speak to him if he’s doing anything else at all… even breathing. Moreover, if you suspect that he didn’t hear you speak, never, never, NEVER ask if he knows what you said. He doesn’t, and he will make up any old c**p and try to convince you that it is in fact what you said and that your memory has failed you.
{{HUG}}
Tina
You left out one.
If your guy does not do the chore you requested, ask again as if you had never asked before. He does not remember.
Then give him lots of praise for each thing. Right away.
It is a little like dog obedience training.
Hi Kitteh – yep, just hit him over the head with a club and drag him to the doc… ( )
You can’t go wrong with Dencorub Gail… just well-placed dab or two.
( )
There may have been a teensy weensy element of truth in it Sue J!…. ( )
Glad I could make you laugh Chelle
( )
Vincent… you know I didn’t tell them the good stuff right?
Need to know basis.
( )
Amanda B…. fart tennis?
Class.
( )
Yes Kitty – you make a good point; the big V does have a certain mystical, magical, controlling power.
But only for a while.
( )
You mean women don’t understand air guitar Ben?
Weird.
That’ll teach you for bullying your poor, defenseless husband EG.
Nasty girl.
It does get a little confusing doesn’t it Friday?
You should try being a bloke!!
( )
Hi Charlotte – we have it easy!!?
Clearly you don’t understand the enormous pressure us poor blokes are under.
You women are so lucky to have us.
( )
Hi Naomi..
“Sometimes all we need is a well placed uh huh to acknowledge that your at least pretending to hear, rather than detailed instructions on how to fix it!!”
What?
I don’t understand.
Thanks for your no. 16 Tina.
Yeah, there are a few similarities…
( )
Hi Corinne
I think I’m offended and amused all at the same time..
( )
You obviously haven’t been getting any of the good vadge. Poor Craig. Call me I can fix that.
I’m like a modern day Sher-ra.
I totally kicked He-Man right in the balls years ago poppet.
Mwaaaah.
You should definitely do stand up Craig. Your humour is great!
Farting….if you can’t beat em….join em.
Hi Craig,
You made me really laugh this morning I loved it!! Sad to say it but when your right your really right. When I first started dating my husband, which was about 12 years ago, my memory is fading about all the wonderful times we spent together and all the wonderful things we did together but a memory we both don’t forget is the first time he fluffed(don’t even like saying farted and with young children we nicely say fluffed) He told me he had spent alot of time trying to think of a nice way to do his first fluff so one night when I was giving him a cuddle goodbye he chose that moment it was hilarious (and loud). I think if he spent as much time thinking about how to have world peace as he did wondering when was a good time to fluff the world would be in harmony now. Oh well we still laugh about it now – such beautiful fond memories – or not?????
My number 16 is Only go to your male with a problem if you want it fixed if you only want to talk about it don’t go to a bloke because his response will always be exactly what you need to do to fix it (in his eyes) he doesn’t get the only wanting to talk about his brain is programmed to fix it.
Thanks,
Jen F – still laughing!!!!
Hey Craig…..very funny & oh so true. But you know what I reckon?
Tell ya later ;-p
Pet
xoxo
Clearly I’ve been missing out Kitty. Too funny. Thanks for the kind offer!
Enjoy your day
( )
That’s quite the story Jen F!
Thanks for sharing
( )
Hello Craig,
Yeah your right….really right…
I do understand, sorry I didn’t explain very well….I thought it was a great post anyway…
Have a great day..
Charlotte xx
Craig, I can live with all of these except for the farting! Why, why, why are you blokes so ridiculously proud of the noises that come out of your bum? I’ll never get it!
LOL!!
EG – that book must make for interesting reading! Entertaining, no doubt.
“Men have simple needs. If he’s not horny, make him a sandwich.”
Hmmm .. I would have thought, if he’s not horny, check his pulse!
Was having fun Wichoo Charlotte
x
Hey AmandaB, 15 – 0 my way,
, Cheers, Vin.
AREN’T i kind tho? really. i am. i’m like the mother teresa of tragic old slappers. *preens*
you won’t regret it craig. i mean, once the stinging and discomfort subsides with a nify little course of antibiotics, then, you know, no regrets for you.
promise!
Hee hee, Sue J, I think you’re right about the pulse.
Another pearler from the wonderful book is:
“If the garbage needs to be taken out, let him know you’ve wrapped up the trash and that it’s sitting by the back door. Ask him if, when he has time, he would please dump it in the trash bin. Don’t bring it up again (why bother, because the trashman isn’t coming till morning, anyway?). Catch him just as he’s coming back from tossing the bag in the can. Give him a big kiss and tell him that it was a big help because it’s hard for you to hold the can lid up with one arm and pitch a very heavy bag with the other hand.”
If I acted this way, my poor hubby would have one of three reactions:
* He’d rush into the garage to check that I wasn’t sucking up because I’d smashed the car.
* He’d think ‘she’s finally lost it’ and have me taken to a ‘special’ hospital.
* He’d say that if he’d wanted to be married to a submissive helpless twit he would have married the girl his mother suggested.
Another piece of wisdom is:
“After marriage, and definitely after having children, too many wives contract the ‘Frump syndrome’, the symptoms of which include wearing flannel pajamas and socks, or sweatpants with oversized t-shirts, to bed instead of some girly thing with lace; not shaving legs or grooming nails; not washing, styling, or even combing hair; taking off (instead of freshening up) makeup from the day just before your husband comes home; using the toilet with him in the room; not making an attempt to smell sweet (with a little perfume or body oil); and never putting on sexy outfits … in front of your husband.”
Blimey! I think I’d better burn this book before hubby thinks I’ve become Amish. Or maybe I should post it to Katie Holmes?
EG xxx
ps Craig, I think the author is suggesting floral fragrances. Urgghhhh! Should I email her to tell her about the Dencorub?
You forgot the bit about them never really progressing past the age of 15, actually it may be lower than that, my 13 year old (son) has more sense and emotional maturity and is less messy than my OH… perhaps they regress???
Hey Craig,
Nice to get a chuckle from your post. Go on – you can do stand up – we say so!
I really did need a laugh today – I sometimes feel ‘guilty’ when I do, with all the recent events in Victoria. Of course, it’s not healthy not to laugh, so I will.
Re the fragrance bit – men also do not enjoy the smell of lavender. Or orange blossom. Or whatever essential oils you’ve been soaking in that day.
Possibly I should try a blend of Dencorub, sports deodorant (musk, of course)with a hint of beer/steak/petrol??
Sorry to hear that you/they do not like the ‘creepy old Auntie’ stuff – guess that explains the lavender dislike as well.
Anyhow, sorry to keep you….I know you’re attention is waning….so here’s my no 16 tip -
Never suggest to a bloke, that he get a qualified tradesman (ie someone who actually knows what they’re doing) to fix something. Blokes can do anything that any other bloke can do – only better.
Never, ever, blow their bluff!
It’s easy enough to buy a new toaster, but a shattered ego takes years to fix.
DISCLAIMER I make the above comment in jest alone and with loving respect to all the determined Mr FIX-IT men, I know. I really do appreciate you all. I couldn’t fix a broken fingernail.
Vin… I think I just ACED you!!!! That makes it 15 all, yes?
Hehehe… Too funny
( )
Amanda B
Thanks for the tips – as a gay girl, I don’t worry so much about all the relationship stuff. But, I have a 17 year old step son to bring up, plus I work with lots of boys! Do all these rules apply to the workplace? Except for farting because that’s really not allowed at work.
Miss Jojo
Little bit of wee came out while reading this.. the whole ‘Your Welcome’ thing was the icing on the cake. Love it!
Thank you for the insight, this came at perfect timing.
Hope you’re well Craig
() Your fav actor
Wow Kitty,
that sounds so…
Scary!
Cheers
( )
HI EG
definitely burn the book and tell the author about the Denorub!
( )
You’d need to be a man Lisa66.
Sorry.
( )
Hi Sue J
Not all men are penis-driven.
There was that one guy….
Naaah.
( )
The regression theory is alive and well Anon. Four year-olds can express emotion more effectively than most blokes…
( )
Except me.
You were going so well until you got to your disclaimer Monica!
Don’t ever go the soft otpion~
( )
Hi Miss Jojo
Yep, they apply everywhere.
If there is testosterone in the room – they apply
( )
Hello Little Sarah – glad I made you laugh.
And wee.
( )
you don’t know scared yet poppet. no siree.
hey, sidebar! i bombing down nepean highway in brighton this afternoon on the way to work (i sell hookers not far from you actumally) and i totally waved pointlessly.
*ashamed*
SO YES I CAN DEAL WITH ALL OF THAT JUST WHERE DO YOU FIND THE MAN
Really glad at this point that some numb-nut hasn't invented the equivalent of the web-cam for sharing smells .. the "web-whiffer"! I think this little game of fart tennis that Amanda & Vin have going could get very nasty!
Craig – there WAS actually one guy that wasn't penis-driven. I married him. How exciting THAT was! Not.
AmandaB, I am going to challenge that ace, I will await the hawkeye replay.
Cheers, Vin. 15 – 0
Tip 16
If you want me to go back and take a ‘girls look’ safe time and angst and go and look yourself, you are THE GIRL. For the record, empty toilet rolls, open cupboard doors and up toilet seats are all mythical, they don’t exist….men can’t see them, only GIRLS can.
P.S. caught Craig’s gig at Manningham yesterday, too brief… the presentation, not Craigs undies.
Hm, well… I have to say, as a man who doesn’t fit into the stereotype, this article was useless. It’s mildly funny – but not all men are this way. You aren’t helping women out by generalizing, and women who date these types of men aren’t helping themselves out by doing so.
I for one don’t watch sports, don’t lie(humility goes a long way), and don’t fart everywhere. I guess entertainment for the girls though. Way to promote sexism, bro! : )
I had to read this one out loud at work…. Everyone got together and just laughed hysterically at all the points. Being the boss, I can afford to be on your site all day *wink*. Now I get the boys at work so much better. I’ve always know that if i needed something done to ask the girls, but now I know why… the guys are too busy fixing things that weren’t that broken, doing everything in point 9while farting.
Everything you wrote applies to my husband, except point 9… he is so hung up on getting the facts right it can be almost agonising.
Thanks for a fantasticly humourous post… now all you need to do is say it out loud in front of a group of people and that’s called STAND UP COMEDY!
()
Asma XOX
Hi Craig,
Yeah, you’re right – the softly, softly does spoil it. I must have this guilt thing goin’ on – too chicken and never want to offend !!
cheers,
Mon
Thanks for the wave Kitty… ( )
Hi Gabrielle – the world is full of them! Er, us.
( )
“Craig – there WAS actually one guy that wasn’t penis-driven. I married him. How exciting THAT was! Not.”
Really Sue?
Too funny.
Kind of.
( )
Glad you enjoyed the gig JB…
Cheers
Hello Cryptic Sailor…
Er.. I wasn’t being serious. In Australia we call this taking the piss – as I pointed out at the beginning of the article.
Hi Asma – glad you and your team had a giggle… your non-lying husband is unique – don’t lose him.
( )
Hi Mon – if you don’t want to offend anyone – then say nothing, do nothing and be nothing…
In other words, it’s innevitable.
( )
Yes, Craig .. really.
Not funny at all. Or fun.
Sigh.
S’ok though. I saw the light. And came away with a solid appreciation to not take anything for granted. Together with a healthy dose of frustration, of course!
;-P
I don’t have a tip because I’m not making any claims that I understand men at all.
I have to say that this was extremely amusing. A lot of them sound really familiar. I had plenty of flashbacks while reading your post.
On a more serious note, I just want to say that regardless of how screwed-up some of the blokes in my life have been, I believe that knowing each and every one of them has made me the better person I am now. I think I’ve taken away something good from every relationship I’ve had even if I never fully understood or properly operated the bloke I was with that time.
That said, thanks for the laugh.
16 – if your guy isn’t talking to you, don’t try and talk him out of it. you won’t. he just wants to wallow in the mud in his cave. don’t worry about there being “something wrong”. there isn’t. he’s just been distracted by something (easily done)that has taken all his interest, for now. maybe his football/cricket team lost or he’s wondering where he put his last pair of clean socks. he’ll come back soon enough.
Hi Craig,
Great post.
Happy Valentines Day, here’s a big kiss from me to you X
Jayde ( )
I love number 14. It was almost as if my husband wrote that one…OMG I nearly wet my self laughing so hard
TinaQ
Understandable Sue…
( )
Nice to know Maudrey… ( )
Thanks for the tip Julie..
( )
Hey Jayde – I feel a bit spesh – thanks ( )
I love it when you throw in a cheeky post like this one. It is just what we needed after a long and terrible week in Victoria.
Happy Valentine’s Day Mr.Hunky Harper. xoxox
Lynda
16. Lower your expectations. I don’t mean go out and fling yourself at the nearest drug-addicted, commitment-phobic, unemployed and unwashed male specimin that you can find. However DO remove from your mind all traditional notions of romance – flowers, being whisked off to Paris for 10 days, nights at the ballet, affectionate speaches at your 40th …
I remind my other half of when my birthday is, tell him what I would like (or give him a selection), remind the kids to tell Dad so they can make me a card and then act surprised when I get any of this. This is my choice (the other alternative being that I get rather cranky when he misses my birthday altogether and hands me my present 2 weeks later).
Fairy tales and romantic comedies have a lot to answer for. My partner IS romantic, he just expresses it in a more practical way that took me a long time to appreciate.
Hey, Craigo! Since we didn’t get a Friday post from you (don’t worry, you’re forgiven for having a life), we have no choice but to keep thinking about, and adding to, this one.
Have you ever cracked 100 comments to a post??
Suz
(aka Sue J.)
i’m just sitting here at work whiling away the hours with your clever book, mr harper!
as it is valentine’s day, the naughtier of melbourne boys all seem to be otherwise occupied!
anyway. i’m reading about jumbo. *sad eyes*
i don’t always like myself, nor do i always feel uber proud of every thing i do, but i’d never call a kid that and i wish to dish a big fat: SHAME ON THEM.
happy valentine’s day mr hornbag.
You didn’t cover foreplay Craig?
A woman once said to me that her husband thought foreplay was walking down the hallway! LOL
Enjoy the weekend. M
Please don’t expect us to stay awake after sex. You will just be very disappointed. If we are asleep we are very very happy. If we didn’t satisfy you, we are sorry (but still happy) and will try harder next time.
Hey Vin… The crowd goes OOOHHH and yep sure enough the ball is in…Just…LOL
15-15
Hope you’re having a great weekend,
Amanda B
“Happy Valentine’s Day Mr.Hunky Harper. xoxox”
Okay, I’m done.
Thanks Lynda. x
Nice addition geekgirlau…
( )
Thanks for the love Kitty…
A Valentine’s hug for you ( )
Hi Mary Anne…
You mean it isn’t?
Hmmm.
( )
Gaz.
You win. That is funny.
Very funny. And very honest.
Email me and we’ll sort your prize.
Well done.
Hi Craig,
I reckon that women don’t understand males air guitaring in the way that males don’t understand women watching soap operas (two months later and nothing has really happened in Salem or Summer Bay).
Cheers
Hi Craig! Nice post. Found it mildly amusing, but not overly insightful or helpful, as my bloke is a bit more complicated than that! You forgot to mention the cave!!!
16. If a man is upset and retreats to his cave (office/garage/somewhere dark and ‘safe’ for him) LEAVE him there and don’t bug or disturb him! He will come out when he is ready for interaction again.
If only all men were this simple *sigh*
Regards, L
I find the best way to understand a man is to stay single! :p
Watch and giggle at your friends and family dealing with the farting tunes of their man with a box of popcorn….sit back and enjoy the show….instead of playing a leading role hehehe
Completely agree about the vanilla fragrance!
I tell you what though, I disagree about us not thinking much, but I see that you have to tell women that so they’ll understand to keep it simple.
I always thought a lot of misunderstandings come from the fact that if a guy says he’s hungry, he’ means he’s hungry. If a woman says she’s hungry it means you’re starting to look fat in those jeans and you haven’t taken her to that nice restaurant she likes in months, and she wants a baby.
With twisted minds like that, it’s no wonder they get offended at nothing!