Life has got in the way of blogging this week. The following incomplete list is some random sillyness that I began to pen yesterday while sitting in hospital waiting for my mum to come out of major surgery. Again. It was all getting a little intense and serious, so I thought I’d distract myself with some Personal Undevelopment.
Stupification Made Easy
1. Watch the Shire (Aus.) or Jersey Shore (US).
2. Replace your real friends with Facebook friends
3. Drink alcohol to excess. Often.
4. Keep having the same pointless conversation with the same person
5. Watch Jackass. Any episode.
6. Take up cage fighting.
7. Join a cult.
8. Deprive yourself of sleep. Often.
9. Strap yourself to a Play Station.
10. Take part in a Creation vs. Evolution debate.
11. Eat zero carbs.
12. Double the size of your lips with collagen.
13. Use the word ‘like’ at least twice in every sentence.
14. ???
15. ???
So, I guess it’s up to you guys to complete my list with numbers 14 and 15. I ran out of time. Okay, mum came out of surgery. Remember, it’s all in good fun, so let’s avoid any nasty-ness or personal attacks. I’ll pick my two favourite additions and send you something for your trouble. 
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{ 92 comments… read them below or add one }
I hope your mum is OK.
14 Watch TOWIE (UK)
15 Do (street) drugs
14. Eating chocolate and calling it a serve of dairy.
15. Working ridiculous hours and spending no time doing the things you like or just spending time with the ones you love.
PS:
Hope your Mum’s okay, they are pretty special people. Take care.
Keep spending your time with negative people.
Or
I’ll start exercising tomorrow.
Hope all is well with your mum
Saying potato chips are healthy because they are made of potato
No added hormones means no hormones???? – supermarkets have them in the meat already they are trying to trick you by saying they won’t add anymore promise!!!
Believe him when he says he’ll delete those photos of you, promise & 2) read fifty shades of mummy porn
14. Use the word Awesome to describe anything !
15. Wear your jeans / trousers so low you can see your underpants and have to waddle instead of walk !
14. Enjoy a coffee with a friend while they busy themselves on their “smartphone” or I(idiot)Pad
15. I don’t have a second one but I sure love Bob’s “use the word “amazing” to describe anything! That’s a ripper Bob!
14 Use liposuction and laxatives as a weight loss/body enhancement programme.
15 Party hard and use recreational drugs as often as you can [ coz they are not serious drugs if they are recreational ].
16 Work really hard to make money to spend on improving your body which you have stuffed up doing nothing whilst making lots of money.
17 Live in denial – it feels good.
18 Tell yourself everyday that your life is shit – and it will be.
19 Smoke cigarettes – they have zero calories and are low GI
20 Eat and drink like is no tommorrow and soon there wont be.
Hope your Mum is doing well
You take the fun out of life
Hahahaha No I dont. Having a high IQ is a totally overrated experience. Fun is definitely the way to go
14) Get addicted to drugs
15) Stay in the same rut/routine doing the same thing, day in and out and over time become dormant and fearful of change.
PS: I agree on the ‘like’ thing. I can’t believe how much it is overused in conversations particularly between high school girls or chicks in their early 20′s! I’m sure I never did that!
Hey Pip, I really agree with your number 15. I know many women who are miserable but don’t want to change their circumstances because they are too fearful. When they describe their day to day lives it becomes apparent that they have been doing the same thing for so long that it is too difficult to change. I understand their fear as I’ve suffered from the same inner “demons” but, and it is a big “but,” I’d rather be fearful than live a life of regret or mediocrity. Thanks for your post as it really struck a chord. Anne
14. Join the Collingwood Cheer Squad
15. Listen to nothing but 50 cent, P Diddy, Ludacris and Snoop Dog
Hope your Mum is OK
XXOO
Love # 14….
Number 14 sucks Schub.
From a Collingwood supporter.
Best wishes from me too.
14: Triple chocolate cheesecake and diet coke makes negative calorie intake
15: Spell infinite as infinate, congratulate as congradulate, and wonder how the up and coming generation can’t spell when they have the use of spell check when we actually had to learn to construct real sentences without the use of LOL, LMAO, or
Make the same mistake over and over and never learn from it
Send an email meant for your friend to your boss!
I also hope your Mum recovers quickly, and that your Dad and friend are travelling okay, too (and you, of course)
All my best to Mum!
14. Start every sentence with “Dude” even when speaking with women.
15. Make “male enhancement” your #1 goal in life
Just wanting to wish your mother well.
I’m very sleep deprived lately so I have no 14. & 15. but you should probably add Big Brother, and all other reality shows under number 1.
Cheers to ABC and SBS documentaries!!
The sleep deprivation is from trying to run a household of 5 (including 4 month old) and trying to finish Uni assignments so I don’t know if that counts as reducing my IQ or trying to raise it??
-take a photo of yourself in the bathroom mirror. Ensure you are making a duck face. Post the photo to facebook.
-break up and get back together with your partner every second week but then marry them.
-buy a ‘designer dog’.
-wear a mini skirt with ugg boots.
-have a pie and coke for brekkie.
-post passive agressive status updates on facebook about someone who isnt on your friend list, and if someone queries it say ‘oh its nothing’
Love, healing and a speedy recovery sent from Chicago to your Mum.
Peace to you.
You are a wonderful son.
Love,
Corinne
2b replace outdoor games with Facebook games…
14 read the tabloids rather than books
15 worry more about Celeb’s marriages/lives/kids than your own
14. Never read anything. I am constantly astonished when various people I encounter tell me that they don’t like to read.
15. Watch hours of T.V. daily, esp. the Lifetime Channel, shopping channels, soaps, etc.
Hope your mom recovers quickly.
Hey Craig!
Big hugs to your Mum, hope she is doing OK.
14: Order all those miracle machines on the late night infomercials that make you lose 50 kgs in a month by using them for 3 minutes a day.
15: Eat 50 supplements and a block of chocolate a day instead of a well balanced diet.
{{HUG}} Tina.
PS Not fun sitting around hospitals. Spent a lot of time myself doing that last week too.
I have to disagree with, “6. Take up cage fighting” Craig!
I always thought it was for meat heads, but after training for a few years now, it really is a cerebral activity! It requires a true study of many martial arts with associated dedication and concentration.
I’m not your average TapOut wearing, tattooed thug either, having graduated from uni with honours and working in a senior management role for a large multinational company.
I’d argue it’s actually increased my knowledge of fitness techniques, self defence and nutrition.
Try it out some time, you’ll be hooked!
Cheers
Hi Perth Boy.
I LOVE cage fighting and am all over the UFC like flies on… you know. I also own a gym with plenty of MMA training happening daily. I didn’t mean that MMA fighters are inherently dumb, and I agree that it’s very strategic and tactical sport. No, I meant that enduring repeated strikes to the head (knees, elbows, feet, hands), as most of the amateur and pro fighters do, ain’t gonna help anyone’s cognitive function.
Keeping training hard.
14. Expecting something to change when you don’tdoanythinf different
15. Road rage
Do the same thing, expecting a different outcome/ result
Treat the people who love you badly, time after time
Watch reality TV like Big Brother
14. Use the word “yous” for a collective group of people.
15. Pronounce the letter H as “haych”.
All the best with your mum xx
14. Research what any of the Kardashian Klan are doing on thier planet eg. wearing / eating / not eating / bonking / not bonking / saying …….etc
15. As above
Hope your Mum is doing well
)
My 14 & 15 are already added so I’ll just add that Mum’s are fantastic & I hope your Mum is recovering nicely.
Smoke cigarettes.
Prayers for your Mom, I hope she will have a complete and speedy recovery. Keep up the good work, Craig.
Val
15. Text the person sitting next to you. ….will lose the ability to “talk” to each other
16. remaining friends with the friend we have the same pointless conversation with
17. Can’t live without your iphone, ipad, etc tech crap.
Hope Mum is on the road to recovery
I hope your mum is ok Craig. (i cant think of any more dumb arsevthings to add to the list.)
Listen to radio shock jocks and then quote their political ‘opinions’.
Hope your Mum’s OK, Craig.
14. Making the same mistakes over and over again
15. Not letting go of the past
Hope your mum is doing well
14. Hand your money over to join any “get rich quick” system.
15. Think that by sending your family a card at Christmas, that also covers birthdays, Easter, any impending births, deaths, weddings or anniversary and think “yep … that them taken care of for the year”.
Just gather these and read ‘em to mum Harps, she’ll know that loads of people are sending her good wishes on the strength of knowing her boy. That’ll help make her feel better. All the best.
14. Ensure complete over use of all completely useless acronyms…… lol, pmsl, iykwim, rofl, lmao, noyb etc.
15. Spend all your life on facebook instead of actually having a life!
(hope Mum’s going ok)
Hey Everyone. Just wanna say thanks for all the love for my mum. You guys are ace. She’s a little sore and sorry but is recovering well. She had an almost blocked femoral artery which required replacing some damaged artery, inserting a stent or two and the operation turned out to be more extensive than the surgeon had anticipated. She is seventy-three (she’ll hate me telling you that) and this was her second such operation in three months. Having said that, she was training at the gym the day before her op!
Wishing your Mum a speedy recovery x
14. Give Up
15. Say it doesn’t matter.
Hey Craig say hi and get well to to your Mum from me.
14. (The stupidest thing you can do with your intellect)Judge people by the colour of their skin, their accent, their educational level, their country’s history, their address…..I could go on
15. (The stupidest thing you can ever do for your health) Smoke your first cigarette
Some great responses above – we could come up with a 50 point list. Hope your mum is coming good and will be back in the gym in no time.
14. Piercing bodyparts, having lumps implanted in your head etc
15. Tattoos – a monument to stupidity. Why deface perfectly good skin. If it were a birthmark, scar etc they’d be wishing it weren’t there but to have something permanently marked on your skin that reflects how you were feeling in any moment in time is just dumb. I feel for the girls who, during one of their ‘dumb’ moments in time, have full arm tatts, or neck tatts and then walk down the aisle in their beautiful wedding gowns either having to cover up, or show it all and just look cheap and skanky.
Sorry about my rave, I just don’t like lots of tatts (even on men!)
Glad to hear Mary is recovering well…..Mum’s are very special.xx
I was going to add tattoos, piercings and lumps too.
Also fake breasts,hair extensions and the whole fake tandoori look. So cheap
Best wishes to your Mum Craig
Not everyone would agree with you that tattoos are awful. And I can guarantee that anyone getting a sleeve will have thought long and hard about it, and spent hours planning and designing it, so to say it is a decision made in a single ‘dumb’ moment is a bit shortsighted.
Also, to say brides with tattoos look skanky is pretty mean.
Here’s hoping you don’t judge people too vocally in ‘real life’ as you never know who has tattoos these days. Would hate for you to alienate people close to you.
Anyway I’m glad I don’t know you, I have my ears pierced! How terrible. I’ve also got tattoos (but maybe I’m a skank? You wouldn’t know, because no one can see them unless I want them to).
PS- The only difference between people with tattoos and those without is that tattooed people don’t give a shit whether you have tattoos or not
Sami, thanks for saying most of what I was going to say! I was going to respond earlier but had to run to an appointment (with my dentist, not my tattooist!) But yes, I agree with you and totally disagree with Jan C. Not every decision to have a tattoo is a stupid one. I was 42 when I got my first one and it was a well thought out and long considered choice. I would also like to add that some people, myself included, get tattoos to camouflage ugly scars and other marks, and the end resut looks far nicer and helps to restore self esteem. Observers (not that many see it, but I did get frisked in Customs and asked to pull up my shirt… I think they thought I’d sewn drugs into my ribcage) comment on the “lovely tattoo” rather than gasping and asking what happened to cause that horrible scar.
My definition of stupidity is in no way related to body art. I believe that’s simply a matter of personal taste…. like my currently multi-shades-of-purple hair. I also have pierced ears, and a pierced navel. And I’m a very young 63 who trains regularly including weights and boxing. And a great-nana to boot. OK… done now… I think. Hehe….
Tina you sound AWESOME and I hope I’m as cool as you in 35 years! I don’t think I will be though- I already enjoy a nice night in with a crossword and a cup of tea! haha
It makes me sad when us ‘young people’ are written off as stupid by people of an older generation based on aesthetics. Just because your eyeballs are slightly offended by someones appearance it doesn’t make them inferior.
Anyway I hope your dentist appointment went well
14. Worry constantly, because you believe that worrying will stop bad things from happening.
15. Obsess over past mistakes, because you believe that you have the power to change the past.
16. Keep telling yourself “I’m not good enough”. What you believe is what you will create in your life.
17. Watch the News programs, aka “the daily disaster report”. They put your focus on the problems of the world while suggesting no solutions, cause you feel afraid, and lower your energy levels.
Hi Craig, Glad to hear that your precious Mum is doing OK. I wish her the very best outcome and speedy recovery so that she can continue with Ron to enjoy life and be ever so proud of their son along the way. I guess you have a few more grey hairs from the huge concerns that you must have been having recently with Ron and Mary’s health. All power to you Craig.
14. spend a couple of hours getting a sun tan in the solarium
15. eat Maccas for breakfast lunch and dinner – you want fries with that??
Hugs for your mum
I like Pips number 15
15) Stay in the same rut/routine doing the same thing, day in and out and over time become dormant and fearful of change.
* reality shows – they are not my reality
* visiting friends and they keep checking iphones, ipads or facebook – rude
* loud advertising on television – I mute the ad’s
* diet coke – since when has coke been a diet, (misleading labelling of a product)
Shot a quick pray upstairs for a speedy recovery for your mum.
14. Make up new words by changing all C’s to K’s.
15. Listen to teenager’s conversations on public transport
Hope your mum finds these amusing
14. Buy a magazine because it’s headline says ” how ( insert D list celebrity name here) lost 30 kilos of baby weight in 10 hrs..we show you how”
15. Believe a politician is looking after the country’s welfare and not their party’s interest..
Big kiss to your mum (& every mum!)
Great news on your mum Craig. I hope that Mrs Harper has a speedy recovery.
14. Taking anything that you hear or read as gospel and repeating said rubbish without checking the facts for yourself.
15. Not liking someone or something just because someone else doesn’t.
Happy Friday all.
X
i love this list so far – gosh there are so many people who are their own worst enemy aren’t there!
This probably relates to girls more but i would add
wearing loads of makeup and fake tan to the gym! and sweating it off on the cardio machines…whilst on your phone
which leads to my next one – doing hours and hours of steady state cardio…talk about a great way to elevate your cortisol levels!
i could also add – eating low fat highly processed foods to this list!
Live in the past
Never do any exercise
14 – Go to a solarium
15 – Wear non-prescription glasses as a fashion statement OR wear sunglasses indoors.
Craig Harper is my favorite columnist In the Road
I love you Craig
Khalid
14. Spend large chunks of your day devouring celebrity gossip magazines/websites/blogs, and the majority of your conversations with people about said celebrities (e.g. “Oh-Em-Gee, Angelina is adopting FIVE more babies from Kazakhstan!!! And did you SEE the latest pics of J-Lo – she has lost FIVE pounds by the air-and-water diet, I MUST try it!)
15. Spend your life gossiping about other people in general… when you find out something through the grapevine, nearly BURST with the excitement of it all, and make sure you share it with as many people as possible. Oh and make sure you embelish – why let the truth get in the way of a good story, right?!
Mine are:
- spend too much time inside a fitness first gym
- get married (apologies to the mrs)
14: Try to cross the road in front of a moving car,wired to your ipod, your eyes and mind buried in a book.
15: Drive a manual car in platform shoes with 6 inch heels.
Hi Craig
Love it – I print out and share your work you with my rideshare buddy on the way home from work
Here are my two :
14. Feel Your not complete if you leave your phone at home
15. Let Ebay “Watch” items wake you up in the middle of the night
Believe you’ve already reached your potential …
Hope your mum is ok Craig… xx at the gym at 73 – what a woman!!!! now i’m feeling extra extra lazy! hope she recovers well
14. Take drugs, anything not medically prescribed.
15. Worry self about what, how, why other people are doing or saying; when it is not relevant to any others.
CH I hope your Mum is okay; Mums are the most important people to every one of us. Whenever somebody pays me a compliment, I think of, and refer to, my Mum who taught me how to be the person I am. Give Mum a hug from us all.
Saying impordant or nothink or anythink….since when did these words morph into stupidity?
Hi Craig,
Thank you for your emails; they are amazing, and insightful and a breath of fresh air.
Here are my 14 & 15 ideas for stupification made easy-
14. Make excuses for yourself
15. Eat a large amount of sugar every day
I hope you like these!
Thank you for being amazing.
Lorinda
A couple of suggestions:
14. Watch the news and believe all that is said
15. Eat “99% fat free” marshmallows and believe they are good for you (ignoring the 99% sugar!)
Amen, Peta!! Two of the same things I was thinking
14. Don’t listen. (you don’t have to agree)
15. Waste time worrying about things you can’t change.
A speedy recovery to your Mum Craig!
14. Using “freedom of speech” as an excuse for being an a-hole to others (internet trolls I’m talking to you)
15. Magical thinking (across the board) – time grow up folks
Cheers!
Symone
14. Chronic cardio
15. take any drugs recreational or otherwise.
Hi Craig
14. When out with your friends only talk about your children and believe that your friends really don’t have another interesting life and they only want to hear about your kids snotty noses.
15. Watch The Real Housewives of the O.C. and actually believe they are really that rich.
A bit nasty maybe but so true.
Cheers Janet
Hi Craig
I’ve never replied to you before but this list made me laugh
My additions:
14 – Follow Kim Kardashian. Religiously.
15 – Sit at least 95% of your waking hours.
I look forward to your emails on a daily basis, I don’t respond but you always make me think and that’s the point of it, isn’t it!
Thanks for your constant inspiration,
Bianca
14 get foxtel, 150 channels of crap,and burn holes in your valuable life
15 texting itus ….shits me !! why do people live their life on phones ??
I know one, I know one!!
Spend several years playing WOW – not so easy, but very effective, I promise.
Getting involved in gossip-it’s mindless crap
Drugs/smoking
Hmmm…I have a tattoo,eat too much sugar,chat away about my kids to my friends,can’t be without my phone,worry worry worry,have that “texting itus” affliction and I occasionally watch reality tv in the middle of the night after be woken by that damn Ebay watch item reminder.
I won’t be adding a 14 & 15 because it looks like I have some IQ elevating to work on,
Lots of good ones here. May I add: spend long hours planning how to retire on one’s lottery earnings — before the draw.
Hope your mum’s on the mend.
1. Use profanity on a daily basis to replace other more suitable word in your vocabulary.
2. Practice your soccer skills by had butting the ball a few times.
sorry that was ‘words’
Work harder and longer hours, to make more money, to free up time to be happy!
You are a good son and you will help your mum’s recovery I am sure.Take care of each other. Luis
Sign up for Craig s emails and hope that will help you shed pounds.
LOL – love them all, no point in adding extras.
Craig – I hope your mum is okay, lost mind far too young and have missed her every day for the last 22 years.
14. Become addicted to reality TV…instead of creating your own reality!
15. Make the decision that once you are finished with school, you are done with learning.
16. Read garbage that will not feed your mind.
17. Listen to that “little voice” that tells you “you’re not (good, smart, pretty, or whatever) enough.
18. Listen to those around you that say the same thing to you as in #17.
I’m sure there are several more I’m not thinking of at the moment.
I hope your Mum is recovering well!
14. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result
15. Not living the life you want in case you fail
I’m so pleased to hear your mum has come through her op ok. All the best to her for a speedy recovery
14. That thing where you wake up in the morning, almost bounce off the walls and ceiling & do a Speedy Gonzales impression because you’ve forgotten what day it is and think you have to be somewhere.
15. If you wanna be miserable, sit and watch a soap opera …
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