More Impersonal Development
This morning (I’m writing this Thursday night Melbourne time), I was relaying a recent experience to one of my mates. He found the story amusing and suggested that I should perhaps share it with my readers. Being as yesterday’s instalment by CJ wasn’t a typical post here at me-dot-com, I hesitated at the idea of publishing two non-personal development (type) articles in a row. Then I thought… nah, we all need a good laugh - even if it’s at my expense. The following story probably won’t help you go to the ‘next level’ (wherever that is) in your quest for growth, enlightenment or personal empowerment, but it might make you smile for a minute.
Update Day
Before we get underway, don’t forget that today is update day! The day when you twenty-eight day folk tell us how you’re travelling with your commitments to think, be, do and create better results in your world. If you’re not sure what I’m on about, you can learn more here. I have purposely said very little this week (about the 28-day program) because I wanted to see how you would travel on your own. To share your update with us, simply click on the comment link below. I look forward to hearing about your journey.
Okay…
On With Today’s Instalment
Earlier this week, I had an experience that was interesting, hilarious, humiliating and a little bit terrifying.
There’s a massage place not far from where I live. No, not that sort of place; a proper therapeutic massage place. Sure, we have a massage therapist at my gym (Gazza), but he’s a little hard-core (hands of steel) and sometimes I just need a momentary injection of gentle relaxation into my day.
The place I often visit is basically a shop-front business owned by a Chinese family who are all blessed with healing hands. There are no appointments; customers just walk in off the street and ask for anything from a five-minute head massage to a ninety-minute burger-with-the-lot full body treatment. From my casual observation, it seems that most people drop in for a ten to fifteen-minute pick-me-up in the middle of their busy day.
The Relaxation Dribble
I usually opt for the twenty-minute head, neck and shoulder extravaganza sitting in a chair (fully clothed). It’s twenty minutes of heaven. I often fall into a coma for about nineteen of those minutes. At times, there may be a little side-of-mouth dribble action. Not unlike a Golden Retriever at meal time.
Sexy, I know.
Anyhoozle, last week was a little different. My back was sore (thoracic area) and I thought it was time for something a little more extensive than my normal affair. So, I walked in and, as always, one of the fifteen family members walks out from behind a curtain, says ‘hello’ and asks me what kind of massage I would like. I inform her that my back needs some attention and she takes me through to a section I’ve never seen before. ‘This must be the serious section’, I think to myself. My masseur is a thirty(ish) year-old Chinese lady who speaks very little English. She tells me her name is Elaine!
Of course it is.
A New Experience
In broken English, Elaine tells me to take off my shirt (I think). This is new. All of my previous massages (by the Chinese family) have been fully clothed. So, there I am lying on the table when I feel a splash of oil on my back. Which was okay – apart from the coldness factor. What was less okay, was what happened next.
Without warning, Elaine climbed up on the table and sat on my arse, like a six year-old on a pony. No, I’m not making this up.
“You hab a belly big back” (you have a very big back), I was informed.
“You don’t weigh much”, I replied like a nervous moron.
Gotta say, having a total stranger sit on my arse while rubbing oil into my belly big back didn’t really lend itself to relaxation. Having said that, I was thankful it was Elaine straddling me and not her brother ‘Kelvin’. See: always finding the good.
I had finally begun to relax when I felt Elaine dismount (disembark? depart? alight? – not really sure about the correct terminology here). The relaxation was short-lived. The moment Elaine’s feet hit the floor, she started tugging at my army shorts (in a downward direction). I felt my heart rate increase a little.
But Wait, There’s More…
In broken English, she asked me to unbutton my pants. I think. Apparently my arse and lower back region needed some attention. Who knew? Feeling about as comfortable as a vegetarian in a butcher shop, I reluctantly unbuttoned my shorts. Yes, I was still lying on my stomach. Phew.
I inched my pants down a teensy-weensy bit so she could access my lower back but not much more. Then, without warning and with devastating speed, precision and power, she yanked my duds down below my arse. “What are you, some kinda freaky pervert massage ninja?” I thought to myself.
So, there I was: arse in the air, self-esteem on the ground.
Apparently, Elaine wasn’t bothered. She rubbed my arse like it was a f**king magic lamp. All the while, telling me to relax (my arse muscles). Well, I think that’s what she was telling me. Anyway, fat chance I was gonna relax my buns.
Three minutes later, it got worse. I shit you not. Total truth.
She pulls my pants down to my knees. By now, the only part of me that’s ’clothed’ is my calves. My heart rate hits four hundred. She puts one hand on each hamstring (back of the thigh) and slides her hands upwards to my arse region. It gets worse again. In the sliding from the hamstrings to the arse motion, she parts my butt cheeks like Moses parted the Red Sea. Try not to visualise that. Please.
I’m dying.
By now, I’m now ten-times less relaxed than I was before I walked in. Am I on candid camera? Is this real?
After what seemed like an eternity of butt-cheek parting (I feel dirty just saying it), Elaine graciously returns my shorts to their rightful position. But not before she wipes my arse with a towel (to remove the oil). Good grief.
And that, my friends, is the story of my first and last back massage with Elaine.
Off to therapy for me. :)
Feel free to make fun of me or leave us your 28-day update. Or both.
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ahuh well sounds like u r finally out of your comfort zone…
Spoken like a true “Educator, Exercise Scientist, Media Presenter, High Performance Coach and Motivational Speaker”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…..hilarious….thx ()
That’s funny…don’t know what to say…
You wear army shorts in winter???????????
Ha ha ha. I must say, what a good read before my cup of herbal tea and then beddy byes. Nice night to cap off the night with a good laugh. Thanks Craig.
From what I know of remedial massage therapy, that is positively NOT conventional!! (My friend is recently qualified and does all massage with dignity and a lot of draping of towels) Urghh – sounds creepy.
As for the 28 day update, I am a little behind on where I hoped to be due to wrestling with my log book and a calculator, but still pleased with the progress – rock on Tax refund.
its 11.42pm and my 2 house mates have just left my room cursing me with either a foriegn language or some very new expletives I’v not heard them use before for waking them with what they thought was me having a really loud heart attack or something similar when all I was doing was laughing until crying uncontrolably for the past 10 or so minutes….
wish I was a fly on the wall
This is why I only trust my best friend who is a licensed massage therapist. I have known her for many years and she speaks English. She is also a female. Being an incest survivor, I would have problems with a male massage therapist.
Thanks Craig – you got my day off to an absolutely brilliant start. LOL. Can’t wait to hear what Elaine does when you visit for sore quadriceps!
OMG! Too funny, now I will be paranoid about any future massages!
I tried very hard to not spill my cup of tea down the front of me while reading this, honest! Very eloquently written and hilariously put! Thanks very much for the laugh, I guess it’s only head, neck and shoulders from now on????
Janine
TOO funny…thanks for THAT visual over breakfast!! At least it will be a great ‘ice-breaker’ for years to come….not sure WHERE this ice-breaker will come in handy but i trust your inventiveness to work it out!
thanks
Maybe AKA “Elaine”, is a loyal follower and just decided to throw a few extra ingredients into the pie ( so to speak). Stepping out of your comfort zone or having your asscheeks seperated im sure was an experience for you and one that had vivid affects on my imagination….thanks after a very large belly laugh and funny tears running down my cheeks! I hope it was more than 5 dolla???? Have a relaxing day Craig Son!
He he he … laughing so much I could cry
. Your days are definitely not boring, Mr Harper.
I’m off to compose myself and get some sleep (it’s 10.40pm here in the UK and I’m W-O-R-N out after my first week back at full-time work since early April). Be back with the 28 day update when I can see the screen properly
He he he …
Hi, Helen Mary reporting in with my 28 day commitment update. Has it been a success so far??
I purposely haven’t really given success much thought in a while. What – for me – is success? I thought it was (or maybe just settled for) – to have a good marriage and bring up my children in the best possible way. Maybe while trying to get the marriage bit “right” I have missed the boat with the relationship and that what I am trying to do is “fix” things (or not to – all of the other stuff, the alcohol, the weight and fitness, work, money and my “contribution”, various hobbies and crafts, the turtle collection, most of what I think of as ME and “right” for me – these are all just distractions). If I believe it is the “truth” that I don’t get to be in charge of our marriage and as in “… grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” – my husband (and I shouldn’t want to!!), that leaves “… grant me the courage to change the things I can” – myself. I thought I had been trying to do this for the last 13 years and that every time I fell back to my default position, what I needed was persistence (or maybe I allowed myself to be talked into “not having such high expectations and not to be so hard on myself”), to pull myself up and get right back to it – to keep trying a bit harder each and every day to be better!! Is this all “over-thinking”?
What has all this to do with my 28 day commitment? – To have no more than 2 standard drinks of alcohol on not more than 4 days a week. I had actually had no alcohol since day two and hadn’t wanted to. I had increased my morning walks to about 6km to and along the beach and back with a great hill in between and also in the afternoon engaging in “delaying” activities – walking 3.5km to Brunswick Fish co-op to get fresh fish for tea twice, thoroughly vacuuming out the whole house and best of all swimming laps, something I hadn’t done in many years!! Then came Wednesday, I fell in a heap and then decided to cook something special for tea that I just couldn’t do properly without red wine!! I knew exactly what I was doing when I poured the second and then third glass of wine and all the excuses – my husband came home late and got a work call, a problem that needed fixing on the computer which is connected to the various work-sites, this happens most days including week-ends and I “understand”, I just try to find something else to do and say nothing – we’ve been through this all before many times. So I was feeling lonely and a whole lot of other things as well. I don’t mind being alone and mostly I feel lonely when my husband is home. Am I over-thinking and emotionalizing again?? Am I making problems where there are none?? I need to focus on the things I love and graciously accept what I don’t love but can’t change and count my blessings.
Anyway next morning, Thursday I picked myself back up and went for my morning walk, vowing jet again to give up the alcohol for good. But what then?? – Will I be a better person?? Or fitter and healthier, and maybe that will be a success. Then move on to the next level!!
I wrote this last night, and definitely have second thoughts about sending it off this morning, especially after my brisk(!!) walk and your great story Craig. I just love the thought process. In my case “mountain out of mole-hills” come to mind and “f*** a duck”, for some crazy reason.
you made my day.
thankyou. that was hiliarious. any pics? hahah
I am laughing yet squirming at the same time!!
I have had one of those chinese massages before and thank god that did not happen to me haha!!
I reply now, though it is technically still Thursday in Europe. It took me a week to move from decision to action in part because of some family emergency in part because my thesis meanwhile terrifies me. Not to forget that if the subject of my thesis were procrastion I would long have passed with flying colours. So today was the first day I got back at the desk, wrote for 45 min and did other research for another 45 min. I also spent some time to get my accoutability system back on track. So I am quite happy at the end of this day. One thing that helped me was a little exercise Anthony Robbins posted last week. It is basically to list in two columns all positive and negative emotions one experiences at least twice a week. Then to pick from each column the two strongest, most important, recurring ones, so that one can set one positive emotional state against a negative one, as an antidote so to say. It really worked and got me out of the slump.
Ha ha ha………what do you think the REAL reason is for you feeling so uncomfortable with that Craig? Did you secretly enjoy it…..just a little bit…..maybe it touched on some deep-seated desires…. dont be afraid to embrace those feelings and step outside your comfort zone. I think it will take you to a new level in your personal journey of discovery
OMG This is obviously at Southland……..I am sooo never going there now. Thanks for the laugh though
That was a fantastic story.
A good ab & lung workout for me.
Thanks Craig
Anyway I’m a 28 dayer, so I’ll give an update on primal eating as well.
I had a dream last Sunday night about cakes, cookies & sugar. I never dream about that. I didn’t even eat those things when I wasn’t on the 28 day challenge. Go figure.
It’s amazing how wheat & grains products seem to be in heaps of products that we eat. But after spending more time in the supermarket than I normally do reading ingredients. I’m finding some stuff that’s OK. The rest of the time I’m having to come up with new ideas for meals.
The hardest part was breakfast, until I read somewhere that breakfast is really just a another meal (yes I realise that is actually quite obvious when you think about it) & doesn’t really need “special” food. But eating last night’s leftovers still feels like a strange thing to do at breakfast.
I still managed the week doing rather well. I choose my meals well.
Cheers
Tash
I bet Gazza is looking like a better alternative!! He he love it! She was correct though in that a sore lower back you may have tight glutes and hamstrings but probably not in the exposure angle! Of course you can do this through a towel or without removal of shorts!! Wish there was a camera! LOL Ange
Hi Craig,
That story was hilarious it certainly gave me a nice laugh first thing in the morning. Funny how a big guy didn’t have the courage to say thanks Elaine but thats enough – or did you secretly enjoy it!
On to the 28 day challenge. Well it’s week 2, my children are still sick, home from school and keeping me up at night coughing and sneezing all over me. And I embarrasingly say I am yet to get going. This is the time I say the world is against me not letting me succeed on any personal level by making sure I have lack of sleep and no time. I know this is a mind problem but I unfortunately fall into old habits. I hope I don’t do give up this time.
Sorry Jen
Bloody funny!!!
Yep – 2 weeks and I am just off “start mode”. I haven’t lost or gained any weight and I am drinking way less. I bought the skipping rope yesterday as I could not find my trusty old leather one – could not find one in a sports’ store in Box Hill yesterday!!
I am not really sure how to get off “start Mode”. It is almost like a slef punishment or devaluing of self. It’s a feeling that I haven’t experienced before as I could easily tick your 20 items for the success pie this week. This is so odd as even working with Mandi is not kick starting me as I had hoped. Anyway I am not giving up and will “start” again today. It is great to read that others also have trouble getting into the “start” mode and the drink at night after a torrid day is not just my problem. Thanks Craig. Annie
Half way through 28 day and I am going ok.
I am not missing the nightly wine as much as I thought I would… actually quite enjoying the challenge.
Treadmill times are getting more regular as well. This week I amgoing to work on the amount of exercise and increase that.
Thanks for the laugh this morning
Oh Craig, you certainly had me laughing out loud (at work). A few colleagues looked up from their desks. You paint quite a picture. Thanks for the ‘belly big laugh’!
Now my update for the week – very pleased to say I have again completed my stretches every night. It’s interesting that I still find reasons not to, and yet always find a way to push through the (lame) excuses. That’s a lesson in itself. So, I will continue to keep on keeping on. Thanks for the support and congratulations to all my other fellow travellers for continuing on your journeys, whatever they may be.
I’m rotfl. Thats your funniest post yet
btw, Did it do any good?
Oh Craig, that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. So funny I even had to read it out to my colleagues… they now think I read naughty things at work, but never mind.
Update on day 14 of 28. Well I’m in a really good headspace. I’ve been keeping a food diary (thanks CJ for the inspiration to do that) and it’s been helping me stay “aware” of what’s going into my mouth. I’ve also been focused when it comes to exercise and achieving my goal of doing it even when I just don’t feel like it. Like last night – I really didn’t want to go for my Oxfam training walk up the mountain behind my house (fear of dark, fear of kangaroos, pure laziness, the dog had just had dinner… i had all manner of excuses) but I sucked it up and just did it. Felt brilliant and I’m even sleeping better with the consistent exercise. Tomorrow is a 50km trek (approx 13hours including breaks) so I’m fired up and feeling great. Thanks Craig for pushing me to be more “mindful”. (oh and for the brilliant morning read… still giggling to myself…!!)
LOLOLOL – what a wonderful way to start a Friday – thank you so much Craig and yes I also have been to those shop front places and once asked for neck and shoulders but got the full treatment with the bum massage – thank goodness he didn’t try to take my clothes off – never the less un-nerving and very hard to relax – feels a bit like you get short changed – relaxation wise although the body is really grateful afterwards – I so want to forward the email onto lots of people to brighten up their day also
))))
OK, well there’s obviously something wrong with me, coz not only did I find that hilarious, but sexy as!!! That would have felt magnificent!!
Even though I’m not a 28 dayer, I had actually started a little goal of my own when I realised another birthday was only 2 months away and I was carrying a few excess kilos more than last year. I am not thinking in terms of “starting” because that makes it sounds like there is an “end” which invariably there is, but I’m learning to nourish my body and do away with the comfort eating.
Always enjoy reading, and find I don’t zealously convert to every persons ideas that I read, I just like to pick one or two things out that are going to improve my life in some way, and embrace them.
The latest book I read finally made me realise sugar not only has no nutritional value but is bad for you (who’d have thought), so I have been using that to help me cut down on chocolate. I also explained to my son that has bottled orange juice as well as pre packaged cereal every morning for breakfast that it was loaded with way to much sugar and I thought he should give up the juice. I also told him that it took 28 days to break an old habit or create a new one, so he declared he would give up juice and softdrink for 28 days. He was 10 days into it and having no problems as he seems to be so proud of himself, that he tackled me about the fact that I was still eating chocolate. I tried the “Yeah but Ive cut down so much” and he comes back with ” How can you break an old habit in 28 days if chocolate, in any amount, is still being consumed”. Mmm, that certainly made a strong impression being told by a 15 year old, and I havent touched any chocolate since. Learning about foods and what they do for you, is certainly an enjoyable ongoing learning experience.
Hilarious!!!! … I couldn’t stop crying of laughter in the middle of the office floor
A colleague came up to ask if I was alright and there I was unable to compose myself to explain as I was overwhelmed by laughter and tears … LOL (probably not the right place to read this article). Anyway, it has been a good laugh and start for the day, thanks for sharing Craig
p.s. 28-day program update – this week I have managed to conquer quiet time for myself and rest/stretching however I have not gone swimming for the whole week. My knees are feeling much better and am considering to walk City2Surf this Sunday
…Yeah!!!
Very funny reading! i have also had a massage with some awkward moments-but not as hilarious at that!
My second week and i again did my 30mins of exercise 6days-actually it was more like 45mins! i did however have a bit of a blowout on the weekend-i hadnt been drinking for a while and it was a definate eye opener to see the effect that alcohol had on my weight, food choices and how i felt the few days after! not good-definately wont be partying that hard again! It has however made me even more determined to get to my goal of 65kgs!!!!
Bring on this week!
HA HA HA HA HA HA…….oh oh ohhhhhh…….I’m so glad I get to work early!! I cant stop laughing & I have tears running down my cheeks……OMG!! That is toooooooo funny……. I need to do some work to get the mental image of your hairy butt outta my head (No I dont know what your butt looks like…..but its hairy & squidgy in my vision……AAARGH!!)
Have a great weekend.
Pet
xoxo
Bahahahahahahahahahahha! Dis belly belly funny.
C2 – As you suspected, Elaine was not actually part of the family and we caught you from your good side – you can buy the photos soon to posted to the web – supliize! Happy ending could have included a prostate examination?!
No seriously, disturbing mental images but very funny and certainly lightened the mood. Worth sharing
Aunty Edie is rolling around the floor laffing hysterically, BUTT(ahem) not wanting to visualise. And I too, want to know if Elaine actually eased your sore back? I’d love to see your posts published for posterity in certain categories interspersed with your hysterical bent on human dilemmas. Your writings are so U (unique you) and worth keeping for posterity – am I a fan or aren’t I? Love ya
Time for my 28 day update.
Week one I had a goal of starting and following my triathlon training plan – successful.
Week two I added a new target of eating a home cooked meal every day for the week. Well I achieved that, but dropped the training.
So for the next seven days I will be doing both…
thanks again for this challenge, its very useful to be “forced” to review each week how its going. I always have all the best intention of doing the reviews, but never do… on to week three
HAHA hilarious – yes, I’ve been there before: Massage in Bali…yikes! At least mine warned me before hand!!!
28 day update:
Yes, still going well. Still exercising 6 out of 7 days mostly 2 to 3 times a day. I use Fridays as my rest day so this body of mine can recover! I’m really enjoying it. Actually, I’m finding that I feel flatter on Fridays when I DON’T go to the gym in the morning before hand. Fitting in exercise is also making me so much more organised with my time too! Incredible!
Just have to keep it up
going for some interval training at the snake pit again tomorrow (sand obstacle course).
Well done to all! Hope you have a great week
Craig
I laughed so much – have not laughed like that for a long time!
Thanks
Sincerely
Damien
Hooooo… good times. That story made me squirm right along with you. I love my massages, but the towel… uh, has to stay draped some places.
OTOH, I could really use a butt massage this week, so maybe I should reassess that thought. After 3 PT-approved exercise sessions under my belt and feeling pretty good about my 28-day commitment, I bent over Monday to pick up a dust bunny on the floor and threw out my back. Felt like my back and pelvis parted ways similar to a Rubik’s cube twisting. This is the 2nd time I have screwed up my back in the “Princess Leia” pose – the one where she’s projected saying “Help me Obi-Wan, you’re my only hope!” Well, apparently I’m not cut out to be a distraught princess, ’cause that movement wrecks me.
No exercises since Monday, but I have done hand-over-head style stretches to take the pressure off my lower back, and have melted a ton of ice cubes onto my lower back/upper butt. I will probably not, however, be visiting any Chinese masseuses! LOL.
Now THAT was a great laff! Thanks for sharing. But I do say that this blog is deserving of a PG rating these days.
The 28 day thing is going. I’m enjoying my time in my basement stretching and strength training lair. I brought down some speakers for my ipod this week, so now I have tunes. I did 1 long workout and two shorter ones meeting my goal of three workouts and matching — to the minute — the time I put in last week. So my goal this week is to increase the total number of minutes. And I’m feeling little teeny weeny arm muscles starting to develop!
Even though we are two weeks in, this is my first update. As I was a Monday starter, I wanted to get a whole week in before an update. Two goals for 28 days.
1. No refined carbs after 2pm – Result achieved although I have had Gluten free spaghetti on one occasion. Can someone please tell me if this is a bad carb. I have had so many conflicting answers.
2. Alcohol Free for at least 6 days of the week – Result Yay, no probs here either.
I’m loving the 4 week focus thing and hoping that I can turn 4 into 8 and 8 into 16 etc.
We are going out to a pub 2morrow night to see one of my favourite singer/guitarists and I have put my hand up to drive. Yay again. Oh and I have officially registered for the half marathon in September.
One thing though, I am feeling a little less tolerant of unsupportive people, is this normal??
Just read about your massage Craig, I laughed so hard I cried and had to re do my make up. My co workers think I’m a moron!!
Great read this morning Craig, my kids thought mum had lost the plot with sooo much laughter as such an early hour of the morning when I read it!!
28 day update: (About 1/2 kg weight loss!)
1. Keeping up the regular exercise – TICK!! No probs in this department. I think I have this implanted in my routine now which is good and has been hard to achieve in the past.
2. Having a well balanced diet – TICK to the food component, finding pretty easy to keep the calories down. CROSS to the alcohol component, I realise I use a drink or two (or more….) to relax and wind down. Not acceptable though, need to find something else to do otherwise I will blow all the hard work I am putting in……Hmmm might need to find a hobby!!.
So overall pretty happy where I am at and where I need to improve things.
Mmm, might try that massage place next time I am down.
Great story to start the day off with Craig! I would go back and give Elaine another go – and this time just B R E A T H E and enjoy. Surely there are not too many people in the world who will voluntarily massage (and part) butt cheeks??? It could be blissfull if you just LET GO and RELAX! LOL!!!
28 day challenge – a hiccup in my “no sugar” pact with myself. I have caught a nasty virus and was in the middle of teaching a class when I had a coughing fit. Someone handed me a throat lozenge and I was sucking away before I even realised that it was full of sugar! I have also been asked to make the birthday cake for a friend’s birthday lunch on Sunday – I have a recipe that I can replace sugar with honey BUT will it make a crappy cake? I can feel myself buckling under the pressure!!! I know I don’t have to eat the cake ! Now there’s a thought!
Am I a 14 day wonder or will I push through and out the other side unscathed. It could go either way at this point. Will keep you posted!
haha!! I have tears rolling down my cheeks…. of my face!! LOL!!
Being a massage therapist… (who doesn’t straddle or part butt cheeks)… I can appreciate your ‘experience’!! I hope one day you do have a back massage that is gentle, relaxing and respectful of you! Counting down the days to MBE
Thanks Craig – LOL but I will never ever ever ever go into one of those massage places now!!
I have failed week 2 – ear infection means I’ve done nothing & am on antibiotics. Told to rest. This happens every time with me.
I have signed up for the 10km in the Melb Marathon, so the fear factor should ensure I get going soon – it’s 9 weeks away.
Freaked out already!
Great to read the successful posts, though, you are all really impressive. Hopefully by following this I will learn how to emulate your success.
Oh Shute Craig, at work this afternoon I had planned my 2nd report
for my 28 day challenge, then I read your article that has thrown me totally. I will keep my massage story for the MBE weekend your lucky at least she was a she?
on with the challenge. swam every day at 6.00am total of 9km
again, No crashes this week, stopped the siging and concentrated
on counting the laps. Wednesday I dont know what happened but I was pacing with a guy in the lane next to me I swam 800mtr in 20 minutes (Ok so its not Thorpie material) I stopped caught my breath
then continued a bit slower to finish of to 1500m I got out the pool
wrecked puffing like a steam train all that but later geez I was walking on my toes, meez finkin dem endolphins (endorphins)
was goin nuts, But why on thursday I m swimming along upto lap Forty all is good I start thinking about taking my jack russel rabbiting?? Go Figure. Today I had the lazys, Im not goin to swim hard just taking it easy its Friday end of week I put down 1500 straight in 30minutes. Arent you glad I’m coming to the MBE weekend?
Speaking of which my wife read the email about the walk. In her words “Sh*t Steve he’s gunna kill ya” I had planned to wear runners to do the walk but she who must be obeyed insisted that
I get myself down to ***** outdoor store and get a new pair of hiking boots. so now I have been walking about 3k every night to wear them in!
So At MBE if you see a worn out nutter, thats me!
Very late update on my 28 days without sugar. Did the first 7 days and really struggled. I was so light headed I almost fainted whilst at work – I can’t afford to feel this way at work as i have a high powered job where people depend on me! I do not think it was just lack of sugar. I think I did not prepare well enough and just wasn’t eating enough food. On top of that I was continuing to run long distances and my legs were in real trouble – I even had to walk for part of one run. I aborted the campaign and am going to get better educated before trying again!
Friday night I finally get to open your email – to think I nearly thought the day was too long in front of the computer and was going to delete without reading. So happy I didn’t!! 2 days in a row with a great laugh from you and CJ – thanks heaps!! You both have a great talent in writing and I for one super appreciate your work.
28 day update. I’ve got a new philosophy on food: if it looks like it flew, ran or swam in it’s life it is food; if it looks like it came from a tree or the ground it is food; if it came from a packet and has numbers or something unpronouncable it is not food. So, I’m eating food and lots of it. Feeling so much better. Have a brilliant weekend.
Hubby bought me a voucher for one of those places at xmas…..think I might be so kind and to pass it back to him to enjoy the experience.
Your post has thrown me and I can’t get the visual out of my head…luckily I had already finished my dinner or rice would have been splattered all over my mac.
My stretches are being done everyday but the food diary has been a bit hit or miss…..although I am being more aware of my eating and feel good.
How’s ya back & buns anyway??
Hi Craig – Thanks for sharing your story (..I think) – very funny.
Anyway day 14 of my 28 processed sugar free challenge and I’m surprised – firstly that I have done it, secondly how it’s been quite easy and thirdly that I’m not even really missing it.
I do get the occasional craving and I am eating a few too many almonds as a substitute to lollies etc but overall I’m going well.
Here’s to the next 2 weeks
Trust me I am far more comfortable in a butcher store being a vegie than what you described…my butt cheeks are clenching at the thought.
I bet Gazza’s rough hands look pretty good right now.
Oh my goodness Craig… Words cant even describe the hilarity of reading that story – here’s hoping it did not add soreness to soreness from the non-relaxing!
28 day update:
So my sleep commitment pretty much crashed and burned this week… Lots of stuff going on at work and my team have been going through the ringer and this week it all seemed to hit breaking point for a few people, and for me my stress release is in my dancing so I’ve been throwing myself into it this week. That means getting home late at night – 11pm on average with Tuesday night being the only exception to that rule this week before tonight. The other draw back is that when dancing salsa over an average of five hours, one tends to drink A LOT of water, and so I find that when I do get home and to sleep I’m forever getting up through the night – argh, frustrating! Oh well – bit of a catch 22 going on in my head at the moment, push harder to achieve the 8 hours and find another way to shut off the brain or continue to go with the flow and dance it all out – I’m know there’s a compromise, but my little head hasn’t managed to wrap itself around it just yet. A work in progress it is and I hope to have a better update for next week
Hey guys
My goal was to learn something new every day in all aspects of my life.
The past week has been a bit more of a challenge than the first week as i am now working 10-12 hours a day on a mining project in WA and have only a few hours a day to get constructive but what the last week has taught me is that big money doesnt necessarily improve motivation, happiness, self contentedness (if thats a word) or inspiration. To add to that i have never been more positive in my life that doing something you love day in day out is a zillion times more fulfilling than working a job purely for money.
I have used my long (doing not a lot) days at work to learn from people. I have learnt from a Columbian man about his country and his journey to Australia, i have learnt from a 52 year old guy from Perth who has been working up in the mines for the last 23 years about exactly how he has dealt with the massive hours, the heat and the time away from his family,
To add to that i have learnt about the art of fishing and motor bike riding off my housemate which is a major pass time up here.
Oh yeah and i bought a yoga dvd/book and finished my first sesh last night.
Am happy with the week and hope to learn the art of time management in the week ahead.
Hope the weekends good for everyone.
Cheers
Josh
Oooh I bet you also clenched your jaw during this…. Was very funny though…
What were you thinking ? I am unsure you were in an environment which offered you a warm and genuine service to soothe your spirit.
Haah Haah finally a risk taker and a little spontaneous – go on admit it – impressive.
I think you enjoyed it in some warped way – were you visualising of someone else rubbing your butt, but am not confident the environment or iffy professionally trained therapists took the time to understand your needs?
Ooooh was it a little skanky and dirty as well – did you check?
Next time Mr Harper do a little homework and go to a day spa to experience a real aroma massage with oils – a true sensory experience – guarantee you will notice the difference. Yep you usually get butt naked but they use towels – drrrh brain..
And as CJ says ‘ Onwards & Upwards’.
I gauge during it you experienced ‘tension’ you flexed your butt cheeks….
Normally if performed properly, from the tip of your toes to the top of your temples, you would feel every trace of tension melt away under the expert hands of a true massage therapists.
LOL
Hey Craig !! Thanks for a good giggle ! Actually, Elaine sounds a lot like my massage therapist. She also does the “sitting on your arse” thing, and the full moon exposure. I have to say, she doesn’t yank the duds down to calf level, but below the cheeks anyway. She also gets her elbow into the glutes and exerts her full bodyweight until you scream for mercy. Well, she tries to hurt me but hasn’t succeeded yet ! But when you think about it… how is she gonna work that oil into the muscles that need it if you’ve got your knickers on ??!!!
What I did find somewhat disconcerting was a full body massage at a spa in Daylesford where I was handed a paper g-string to put on by a very effeminate young male masseur. There were plenty of strategically placed towels but somehow I just wasn’t able to relax like I do with my Georgie girl… oh, and she’s an Aussie too. She’s over in your direction, always keen to help new clients (she’s 60 and working hard to support her hubby who has Parkinson’s disease). Heck of a lovely lady. (She’ll let you keep your pants on if you ask her nicely !)
{{HUG}}
Tina
Week 2 down and I can report that my goal is achieved …. AND EXCEEDED!!!
3.4kgs down and feeling very good indeed. I’ve managed to keep the sugar out of my diet (tomorrow might be a different story with my BF’s birthday) and did my first corporate cup run (4.5kms) at lunch time on Wednesday which seemed to send my metabolism into overdrive. Have been consistent with training and just eating real food in reasonable quantities with treats kept to a minimum.
With two weeks to go, what can I achieve?
Week 2:
The journal thing is growing on me. It’s really making me more mindful. Still enjoying it1
Oh my gosh … THAT was hilarious!!! There was laughter, tears and I think maybe even a snort!!! Craig you are an absolute cracka … and I have decided, that from now on, anytime I think I am having a bad day … I am gonna read that again!!! Ha ha ha!!!
Ok, the 28-day challenge update.
~ Planning ahead (shopping and meals) – goal achieved
~ Not reaching for bread as a quick fix – slipped back a bit this week.
~ Staying away from petrol stations and corner shops – 1/7 days achieved this week. Better choices when I did stop though i.e. buying for ONE person rather than two or buying lower calorie options.
~ Asking questions when tempted – flunked again.
~ Personal training/gym sessions – no personal training session this week. We’re starting off as fortnightly sessions until I’m back on full pay at work. I’ve been to the gym 3 times since the last update. I also went out with friends on Sunday and we must have walked 1-2 miles. I did as my trainer suggested. Pepsi max has been subbed by diet coke. The treadmill has been subbed by the rowing machine.
I made my own food switches too. I’ve changed from wheat based cereal to bran. I’m going 50/50 with milk too. I have soya milk on cereal and semi-skimmed milk in drinks or when cooking.
It has been a challenge trying to fit everything in this week. I’m now back at work full-time and by the end of the day I’m exhausted. I made appointments with myself to attend the gym on Monday and Thursday evening after work. I made a separate appointment with myself to go to Slimming World. My water intake has also been increased.
The result? I lost 3 lbs (nearly 1.5 kg) this week. I temporarily lost a ring too. It fell off my finger and I didn’t know where. Luckily my stepdad found it. My sleep pattern has improved. I was averaging 4-5 hours. Now I’m averaging 5.5-6 hours.
We are camping at the moment, there are two ladies in a tent opposite who look like they may do the same if we ask! Best not eh.
Anyway, Tracey and I are still going strong, two weeks in now. Zero alcohol, primal diet, and walking, press ups, pull ups (from trees)!
And whilst on holiday surrounded by temptation!
Two weeks in and still going strong….. Not only have I had no alcohol, as a flow on I am drinking more water, cut right down on my naughty evening chocolate binges and now I really look forward to going to bed earlier to read your book “Fattitude”.
Have also lost some weight and my husband tells me I look younger!! This is great!
Thank you Craig. You just gave me that magic laughter shot I needed to make MY day!
Oh far out I am laughing so hard that I have tears rolling down my face!! I don’t feel so bad about reporting that my efforts with the H20 failed dismally 3 out of the 5 days this week. Who knows what her brother “Kelvin” would have done with the same back complaint
BUT, after failing dismally I picked myself up and kept going
ROFLMFAO!!!!!
Craig, you always give me just what I need. I havent laughed like that in soooooo long. Loved CJ’s post as well – have printed off and laminated the pic of the scarf clad beauty. That body is my goal, although it might take a while with my BMI currently sitting at around 150.
That is the funniest blogg I’ve read from you Craig! your very brave for sharing…I think I would have curled up in the corner and asked for my mum!! Classic read. Looking forward t meetinmg you at MBE in a couple of weeks
funny… had me giggling …
Genius story, I had a similar experience on a beach in Thailand but I got my ‘man-teabag’ trapped between an over-zealous masseuses fingers and my thigh…..not relaxing, my wife however thought it was hilarious!
Anyhoo, 28 day challenge is going good, no biscuits or chocolate eaten. Also, I have decided to extend the 28 day challenge so that each 28 day period from the end of this challenge will be a new challenge. I will try to alternate between stopping something and doing something, for example no biscuits or chocolate now, next challenge is to rise at 5am everyday and complete some exercise.
Keep up the good work 28 dayers and thanks to Craig I have horrible, horrible mental images.