1. Have you ever ‘lost yourself’ in a gang?

Being a computer programming, decidedly non-Alpha male, who played with dice during school lunch with my pals… yes.

Surprisingly, I had more power among my peers when I felt the least significant. I was the trend setter who figured out what games were fun to play, who included others without prejudice, and who got all the girls… but was too nerdy to realize that he had a chance with any of the girls.

When I set out to try to find myself, to be an “individual,” I turned to the Goth scene. No, drugs weren’t a part of my life, then or at any time. In trying to be an individual, I just copied everyone else, and alienated some of my better friends.

To try to fit in with the programmer class, I tried growing my hair long and tried growing a full beard… My wife said no, so I settled for a goatee. I’ll say, facial hair is a pain. More of a pain than shaving daily with a dull razor.

There were other groups that are more socially acceptable to belong to, that I decided hurt me in the long run, but I’m already on the fifth paragraph of answering the first question, so I’ll cut off here.

2. Have you ever lost a friend or family member? (no naming of specific groups please)

Due to my involvement with a group? Yes.

Due to their involvement with a group? Yes, after I had left that group we had in common.

3. Are you a member of a gang that makes your world a better place?

I suppose… I’m a vocal supporter for Hackers for Charity, a group that helps charities by volunteering technical skills, and that is pushing hard to “hack” education in Africa for the better. (Our “gang signs” are syn/ack)

4. What should we consider when we’re thinking of joining a gang?

Is the group more concerned with making its members feel superior to other people, or is it concerned with helping others outside of the group? (Are they “masters” or “servants”?)

I’ve found that while being told how awesome you are for being “one of us” may feel good in the short term, it’s really meaningless. It’s better to prove your self worth through clear, demonstrable achievements, than through wearing a certain color of hat, a piece of jewelry, or walking through a door at a certain time of day or day of week.

5. What advice do you have for people who feel stuck (trapped) in a gang (situation, group, organisation)?

Find out what the Ego is, in terms of human and societal evolution, its need to identify the person through external influences, and its tendency to tear other people down in order to increase your sense of self-worth.

Don’t just quit the group cold-turkey, or you’ll just find another group that feeds off of the same emotions; take time to identify your ego-centered behaviors, and find out who you really are when you take away the car, the house, the clubs, the job, or whatever else is temporary.

My philosophy is that I am (obviously) not my car… nor is my car me. It’s simply the vehicle I use to travel around in. I am not my job… my job does not define me. My job is simply a way that I can be creative and practice my personal development skills, all while getting paid, so that my body can have a bed, food, water, and I can buy diversions when I just don’t want to be responsible. My wife doesn’t define me… she’s way too busy being her own person. My body doesn’t define me; it is temporary, will eventually break down and cease to exist… I care for it, because the longer it is in good shape, the more enjoyment I can get from it, but the fleshy bits aren’t me. My thoughts aren’t me… thoughts come and go, thoughts can be based on incorrect information (just look at an optical illusion: the tricks aren’t in the eye, they’re in the mind)… so it would be foolish to base my sense of self on my thoughts.

My sense of self is in the fact that I can observe. As long as I exist, in whatever form I may find myself in, I will be conscious, and so I am that consciousness, and nothing can diminish that. Because of that fact, I don’t need things, groups, events, awards, recognition, etc., to feel good about myself… I can just do what gives me joy.