Tell me wotcha want, wotcha really, really want…

Thoughts on Goal Setting

And a big thankyou to the Spice Girls for today’s title!

Apparently we should all be setting goals. It’s what us high-achieving, self-help types do. We set goals and then we achieve stuff. Great formula. Seems to make sense. And then once we achieve what we set out to, we’re happy. Allegedly. We’ve reached our goals and done what we wanted to do, so we must be over the moon right? We set specific goals because on some level we believe that by achieving those goals, we will meet a personal need. Become more fulfilled. More content. And of course achieve what we all want; the universal goal – happiness.

That wasn’t the deal

But does the achievement of our goals always translate to happiness and all that other good stuff? Is it possible to achieve what you set out to but ultimately be no happier or maybe even less happy? Sometimes our goals are like those products we buy on-line; they look so good in the picture but when they arrive at our door and we take them out of the box, we discover we’ve been scammed. “Hey, this isn’t what I signed up for”.

Business goals, career goals, financial goals, health and fitness goals, sporting goals, relationship goals, lifestyle goals – all types of goals that seem to inhabit our thoughts and conversations. Apparently the goal setting process gives us clarity, purpose, direction, structure, organisation, a level of certainty and commitment, helps us create momentum and gets us closer to where we want to be.

Put simply, goals are the things we want.

But then maybe they’re not. Perhaps they are only what we think we want.

What happens when we get there (achieve the goal) and it doesn’t ‘deliver’ what we thought it would? Is that particular goal what we were really chasing, or was it only the (perceived) vehicle for providing us with what we really want?

For example:

Someone says, “my goal is to lose 25 kgs (55 lbs)”

Okay, they want to be thinner and lighter – that’s their objective – but what do they really want? They want what they believe that weight loss will bring them (the goal behind the goal) – popularity, improved self-esteem, confidence, better relationships, interest from the opposite (or maybe same) sex, more opportunities and ultimately, happiness. The actual weight loss ain’t what they’re really after, it’s merely the mechanism or vehicle to get them what they really want. The perceived benefits and advantages of being lighter and thinner.

Will weight loss necessarily deliver those (above listed) things? Is it possible to lose a bunch of weight, transform your body and still be miserable, lost, insecure and unfulfilled? You betcha. Seen it many times.

Ferrari Boy

What about the guy who really can’t afford it, but is obsessed with owning a Porsche or Ferrari? What does he really want? A car that can go 300kph (180mhp) while he lives in a city where the speed limit is mostly 60 kph (35 mph)? A car that costs ten grand a year to insure, five grand for each service and can’t be parked anywhere? No, he wants the (perceived) benefits of owning such a vehicle. Respect, envy, power, popularity and female attention. And if he wasn’t such a big, insecure dickhead that might actually happen. But not because of a car.

Six months later he realises he’s still a tool, still can’t get a girl and still has all the same issues – only now he’s a big, single tool with a massive debt. Dumb plan Ferrari Boy. A fancy car ain’t gonna fix your numerous emotional and social issues. You might wanna consider developing a plan B. The one where you address the real issues in your life.

When I facilitate goal setting sessions with people, we focus on two key areas:

1. The Goals – what the person wants to achieve.

2. The Outcomes – what they really hope to achieve (the benefits and advantages of achieving those goals).

So next time you decide to set some goals, ask yourself “what are the goals behind my goals and what do I really want?” That’s what’s important.

Maybe the Spice Girls were on to something after all.

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