The question is not “does shit happen?”, but rather, “what do we do about it?”
Of course shit happens; it’s part of the human experience. It’s even written on T-shirts, so it must be true! And yes, the term ‘shit’ represents different things for different people. Things only have the meaning we give them, so in this context, shit is completely personal. One person’s major problem or challenge – “I’m going through some big shit right now” – won’t even register on another person’s radar – “I have a small issue; it’s no biggie”.
The Perfection Obsession
Taking the bad with the good is what we do. It’s what we must do if we want to not only survive, but thrive here on the big blue ball. Despite what the movies might portray, you and I don’t have the option of living in perfection. Not in our physical world anyway. For some of us, our propensity to obsess about perfection is part of the problem. The perfect partner, the perfect body, the perfect teeth, the perfect parents, the perfect child, the perfect house with the perfect view and the perfect existence. The three dimensional, physical world that you and I inhabit is flawed, corrupt, unfair (whatever that means), unpredictable and unforgiving; far from perfect. However, it can also be an amazing, magical, mystical, beautiful and healing place; sometimes it depends where we look, and how we look. It’s rare that two people who are looking at the same thing will actually see the same thing.
A Personal Response?
One person sees shit happening, another sees a great opportunity and yet another sees a timely and profound life-lesson; one person’s crap is another person’s genesis for transformation and personal growth. One person complains about the bad weather while another chooses to dance in the rain. Misery or happiness; a personal reaction. One father gets angry at his son for crashing the car while another celebrates the fact that his child was not hurt in the accident. Over and over we see that in life, our personal experience (our internal reality) is not about the situation, the circumstance, the event or the environment but about our individual reaction to, and interpretation of, our external world and the events of that world; what we do and what we don’t do. How we process, how we react and how we deal with that particular life experience.
Steering the Ship
Fortunately, many of us have a desire to turn the bad into the good. Or into a good lesson at the very least. That’s a great start. Some of us will choose to fight the shit, overcome the shit, learn from the shit and deal with it as best we can and sadly, others will choose to lay down. Some will control their situation and circumstances, while others will be controlled. Some will steer their own ship, while others will be helpless passengers. By choice. Some will learn, grow, improve, adapt and become better versions of themselves, while others will become angry, bitter, resentful and self-pitying. And those in the second group will build themselves an emotional prison of which the foundation is fear.
But….
Now, I know what some of you will be thinking… “but some things are out of our control”. Yep, you’re right. I’m not for one moment suggesting that everything is in our control but what we can control is us; our choices, reactions, conversations, behaviours and habits. One of my friends has been battling cancer for five years – six different forms of it. Of course her choice would have been to not have the disease – she wasn’t given that option. The question for her is not, “will I have cancer?”, it is “what will I do about it?” She continues to do what she needs to do because she wants to live. When her ‘shit happened’ she could have given up. She didn’t; a personal reaction to a major challenge.
A Letter From Hellen
This morning (writing this Sunday), I received an email from one of my regular readers; Hellen. Early last week I had been informed by some of my other readers that she lives in Kinglake; the bushfire zone here in Victoria. For several days there had been much concern about Hellen and her safety. Fortunately, she is fine. No house, no car, zero material possessions, but fine. I haven’t been able to contact her since she sent me the following letter because she has no computer to receive emails on – she sent me this message from someone else’s computer. As I have been unable to talk with Hellen, I could not seek her permission to print the letter but I have decided to take a chance because at this point of her journey I don’t think she is too precious about anything – especially if her story and insight might help the rest of us gain some perspective and clarity. The letter is unaltered except for the two things in brackets which I added to explain some acronyms.
Hi Craig,
I’m Hellen and I’ve been posting on your blog for a little while dilly dallying around about GMST (getting my shit together). Well… I live or lived in Kinglake and as you know we were hit pretty hard on the weekend with the fires. Can I say that there is nothing like a near death experience to make a person get their shit together! Life will never be the same but in the best possible way. I appreciate every breath I take now and life is wonderful despite us losing all the material things, house, car etc. we have lost so many families it just makes the material losses so insignificant. I just want to say that having been visiting your blog for a while I know that there are wonderful people in the world but I have been blown away by the compassion and enormous generosity of people. We have a free home for as long as we need, a car, the kids are fully clothed and have toys – the list is never ending. Total strangers have comforted me when I have fallen apart, which has been often. I have gained a lot of comfort by thinking back to some of your blogs and i want you to know that about being strong mentally, knowing what you want and doing something about it, not just talking about it. I think it will give me some good skills to build on. I’ve been a single mum for years and have piss farted around about every big decision put in front of me. No more. I am getting my shit together big time and life from here on in is going to be awesome. My WW (Weight Watchers) cyber friends have been lovely and every little bit of support helps. Just wanted to let you know I’m still here – your work does help people in a real way – and this Princess is sucking it up big time and loving it. xx
Hellen Fisher
No Fixed Address (hehe)
Well Hellen, now all the theory has become a reality and you are learning, growing and changing like never before. Life will never be the same for you and you will never be the same. I won’t offer you sympathy – you don’t need it – but I will extend my love, support and unconditional friendship. If I can do anything to help, let me know. I genuinely mean this. I don’t normally speak on behalf of others, but right now I’m pretty confident in saying that there’s a large on-line community here at me-dot-com who would also do anything to help if possible. Let us know. We’re available and we care. You are a brave, amazing woman and we are all proud of you. When you get a chance, can you get your phone number to me, I’d love to chat with you and I have a gift for you. Some big hugs and kisses for you and your kids ((XX)).
Today’s Message? Shit is not optional but our reaction is.
Feel free to send Hellen a little cyber-love or if you would like to help her out in a more practical way, let us know and we’ll connect you via email when we have her details. As always, I’d love to hear from you. If you’re not sure how to leave a comment, click here. If you’ve never left a comment before then why don’t you change that today? Don’t let your fear or ego stop you from connecting with others.
Ciao Team x
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{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
Craig
Thank you for sharing Hellen’s letter. To gain that personal insight ….. reading it through the tears.
Hellen …. you are an amazing woman. your priorities are now clear and there are many of us out here who are ready to provide the support you require. Thank you for sharing with us …. it provides some understanding for the rest of us. there will be some really tough times ahead – feel what you feel, let it out, experience it, lean on others and know that it is uphill from here!
Anything you need …. just ask!
Karen
Hi Craig,
thanks so much for posting the letter from Hellen and I am sure she wouldn’t mind. I am from the WW group she mentions and it was a very hard week for us too…the not knowing! We did see an article in the HeraldSun newspaper Tuesday and had hope from then. We went through the WW posts to see if we could marry up info from the article and got to 99% sure it was her and on Friday she finally posted that she was ok. I did keep sending you hopeful updates about her and then the whole post from the WW thread. We are so relieved she is ok and are trying, at her suggestion and when she is ready, to have a get together and Craig..I know you are busy but I know she would love it if you could be there…we will keep you posted on that one. We have been able to email her and had replies but since yesterday they have been bouncing back at us…we will keep trying. Craig, I don’t have her number but if i do manage to get in contact with her I will let her know and either get her to give it to you or get the number from her and get it to you!
Hugs to both you and Hellen and her family
Chelle
Hi me again,
Great post too thanks!
Chelle
Hi Craig
I am part of the WW "GYST gals" that Hellen belongs to, even though I live in Brissie. We were so relieved to hear from her this week and to know she was safe. I am sure she won't mind you using her letter and herself now being a published author!
Things like this (the fires) really make us realise how much small & petty stuff we waste time worrying about. And yes it really is about how we view things and choose to learn from them.
Hi Craig,
I’m another GYST gal from WW.
Helen’s letter today is a perfect example for your post. It’s not what we are dealt with in life but how we handle it. Out of the terrible devastation and sadly great lose of life which can never be replaced, has come a sense community spirit, love and support never seen in this state (not that I can recall).The many stories that have emerged and the positivity that these people have shown us is truely amazing.It is going to be a hard road ahead but with the love, support and prayers from us all, I am sure they will slowly move forward and rebuild their lives.And for the ones that weren’t directly effected by the fires, our lives challenges have been put into perspective.What used to look like the end of the world, now seems insignificant.Thank you so much for sharing Hellen’s letter, it wonderful to know, Hellen, her special man and her family are all safe and well.
Hellen,
Love to you and your kids from me and mine!!
Remember “Tears are to pain like rain is to dust, they help to wash it away” So if you need to fall apart just do it!
BIG HUGS ((()))
Amanda B
You’re welcome Karen. ( )
Hellen, I LOVE how you joke about having no fixed address.
I have discovered on my weight loss journey that its not the obstacles that life throws at us that defines our path but rather, the way we deal with those obstacles.
In relation to weight loss, some people gain 500 grams and then go back to their old life, I gain 500 grams and think, whoohooo what a challenge to take that off again next week.
I think your obstacle is WAAAY bigger then gaining a little weight but the principle is the same.
I wish you the strength to continue to fight, the time to mourn your friends and courage to get your shit together.
Joanne.
Thanks for saying hi and dropping by Rhonda.. ( )
Hi Bev – wow, it’s WW day!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. ( )
Nice, Amanda B.
( )
Nice thoughts Joanne… ( )
First things first – so VERY glad that Hellen & family are OK and that you could share her thoughts with us! Second – SO very impressed at how Hellen has chosen to use this experience to (in her words) get her shit together! You're right on the money, Craig – I think there are many of us who would be willing to do anything to help, if possible.
Just goes to show, doesn't it? That even amidst horrific death, destruction and utter tragedy some amazingly awesome shit can surface! You're right – it's all about how we choose to view (and react to) the shit that comes down around us.
This post could well be your introduction at RYL! Shit, eh?!
Suz
As Forrest Gump says "Life is like a box of chocolates – you don't know what one you're going to get." So true, hey. Although, raise your hand if you spend five minutes looking at the side of the box where it tells you what is inside the different coloured wrappers and the different shaped choccy's? [I raise my hand] The over-thinker that I am.
To Hellen – I just want to send a big ( ) to you, your boyfriend and the kids and offer any support or assistance that I can. You are part of the craig-dot-com family/community and therefore you are a part of my circle of friends too. Friends dig deep for each other. Never underestimate the ordeal you have just endured. It's HUGE. The road to recovery wont be 'easy' but you know that. You have an AMAZING attitude for someone who literally almost lost their life. Rome wasn't built in a day. It'll take time for you to rebuild your life too, and for Kinglake (and other affected areas) to be rebuilt. Your story brought tears to my eye. Tears of joy and tears of strength. You are a strong person and you have much to give to the world. Pass this strength onto your boyfriend and kids. They'll need it too. I hope I can meet you one day.
And Craig? Your friend with multiple cancers? I've seen an interview you did with her. Amazing. She's amazing. Even the medicos have no idea how she's survived. Big hug to your friend too ( ). I wish you continued health and happiness. "Live Love Laugh & Learn" is not your motto/vision statement for nothing, is it Craig. Big ( ) to you too for… everything.
Hi Craig, Thanks for posting Hellen’s inspirational letter.
To Hellen, my thoughts continue to be with you, your children and your partner. May your inner strength and determination continue to shine and be an inspiration to all around you. Am sending you lots of Cyber Bear Hugs ( ). Am also sending you my contact details (when email finally gets through).
Lots of Love Miss Paws.
Cheers Suz… ( )
Thanks Jules – nice thoughts.. ( )
You’re welcomes Miss Paws…
( )
Wow Hellen,
your letter and your attitude have made a difference to me. Never underestimate your ability to help people, even when you least expect too.
thanks for sharing it with us Craig.
cheers Kate
Hellen, massive ( ) for you from tasmania. it will be a long and bumpy road but i know you will get there in the end.
You’re welcome Kate ( )
Nice wishes from the Apple Isle Julie.. ( )
Hiya Hellen.
With your signing off with “No Fixed Address (hehe)” I know that you surely do have your shit together.
I’ve learned a life lesson today thanks to your letter and for Craig posting it.
Many thanks.
((((((Hellen and family)))))))
Suu
I have never cried so much in my 39 years of life as I have in the last week; for the victims and survivors of Black Saturday. I live in Queensland and the fires have not ‘affected’ me as such. However, the loss of innocent life, the generosity of human nature and the sheer strength of the survivors have touched my core. I wish them all the strength and courage in the world as they ‘get their shit together’ out of necessity.
Dear Mr Harper
I always look forward to your post on a Monday morning – thank you.
Hi Hellen, love to you and your munchkins, you are not alone, you have all of us and we want to help you. Xx
You’re welcome Anon.. ( )
Hi Hellen, Big hugs from all of us. With your GYST attitude things will be even better. Thanks for sharing (with Craig’s help)AND thanks Craig I needed a ‘Suck it up’ lesson this morning! It worked! ()
You’re welcome CarolP
( )
Hello Craig,
I haven't stop crying & still am while I'm writing this..
Thanks for you letter Hellen & Craig for posting it, I've learnt alot from this today…
Hellen love to you & your children we are all here for you…xx (())
…And The Day Came When The Risk It Took To Remain All Tight As A Bud Became More Painful Than The Risk To Blossum…
Great post!!!
Charlotte xxx
Nice quote Charlotte… ( )
Hi Craig thanks for posting Hellens letter wow what an amazing woman and to know how daily blogs have helped its wonderful!
Hellen, I live in Broome WA and thought I would let you know just a few things happening in my little part of the world, my son’s primary school had a free dress day where the kids all brought in a cold coin donation. Im not sure how much was raised as yet, also some gorgeous young girls came door knocking the other day, they are doing a 48 hour famine for the cause, and our family have donated via the phone, as has many other families. We feel for you and have been watching closely on how you are all going there, our love and wishes are with you, your family and your communities, Tracey and family.xx
Hellen, you brave & strong woman, I offer you my love and support. You and your family will be in my thoughts and if there is anything I can do, all you have to do is ask.
Sarah xx
Thanks Craig for sharing Hellen’s story. Since the devastation of the fires, I have been considering ways wherein I could make a practical contribution….Perhaps I can be of assistance to Hellen – I will e-mail Johnny with my thoughts and contact details
Regards Linda
Hi Craig,
thanks for sharing Hellens letter with us, and thank you Hellen for sharing with us as well.
I have been blown away by the strength shown by those affected by the fires – it goes to show that the Aussie Spirit is something that is very hard to stamp out.
as all others on here have said – if there is anything we can do to help out, please let us know.
You’re welcome Tracey.
Congratulations on being part of the solution…
( )
You’re welcome Linda and thanks for your offer.
( )
Hey Craig,
Great post today.
WOW what an amazing women Hellen is, to keep a sense of humour at a time like this is amazing!
Everything that has happened as a result of these fires is still hard to try and get one’s head around.
A big thank-you to all the CFA worker’s, fire fighters, Police men and women and to all the amazing people who have donated so much. It’s an amazing thing to see.
( )
Hi Craig, hi guys and a big hello Hellen,
Hellen, you brave, amazing woman – you’re kids are so blessed to have such an unbelievably courageous mum. My heart goes out to you, to them and to all close to you. We’re glad you’re safe.
My kids also send hugs to yours. My daughter’s school has been raising donations and we are also going to be sending some practical help to the community of St Andrew’s (our school’s name). I will tell John, our principal, your story. If our kids can help your kids and/or their friends in any way, let us know.
Stay strong Hellen. You’re amazing and you have already acomplished so much. Mega big hugs to yourself and your beautiful family and a big hug to Craig for sharing your letter.
We are all thinking of you.
((( )))
Monica and family xxxooo
Thanks Jayde..
Yep, she’s amazing
( )
Very nice Monica – thanks.
( )
Hi Craig,
Thanks for the great post. A wise person once said ‘Adversity is in the eye of the beholder’ and I definitely think it’s true. Some people will crumble while others will show enormous courage and strength.
Tragedies such as the bushfires can often bring out the best in human beings – something which can be hidden in our self-obsessed material world. The stoicism of the survivors (a much better word than ‘victims’) has been inspirational and heart-wrenching.
Thank you, Craig, for trying to teach us lessons of resilience and responsibility without having to go through such a traumatic experience to ‘see the light’.
Hellen. Your courage and attitude are amazing. You could become the poster-girl for getting your shit together! Please let us know any way that we can help. Big, big Sydney hugs for you.
EG xxx
Cheers EG ( )
Hi Craig,
I just hoped you could pass this info on to Hellen. If she could contact the Victorian Branch of the Australian Podiatry Association on 03 98665906. They will be able to give her some info on where to get a FREE pair of Clarks childrens School Shoes and also a general pair for her kids. They are being fitted at shoe shops in Eltham and Epping especially for Fire affected families.
Hope this helps!
Harps the Podiatrist
Hi Craig,
While reading your post, I was thinking about how I would share with you some of the “shit” I’ve been through in the past years. I would have whined and raved about how difficult it’s been and how I’m slowly accepting all of it.
Then I read Hellen’s letter. And all my shit now seems inconsequential to what she’s been through and what she still has to deal with. It just gave me a new and better perspective. So thanks.
To Hellen,
Your courage has been truly inspiring. I will be including you, your family and all others affected by the fires in my prayers. Like my dad always says, just keep on keeping on.
Hi Craig,
Thanks for sharing that amazing story with us.
Helen, I doubt I could add anything new to what all the other posts have contributed, but i want you to know that if we (my family and I) can be of any help, let us know.
Your amazing story and your courage gives us the inspiration to be strong and courageous as you are.
Asma xoxox
Dear Hellen,
Lots of love and cyber hugs from me to you and all power to you! I am a survivor of the 1983 Ash Wednesday bushfires at Mt.Macedon so I have some idea of what you are experiencing right now. It’s great to hear that you have such a positive attitude.
We (my then husband, Tony, my 19 month old daughter, Kimberly and I)escaped that fire in a nick of time with what we were standing up in, plus a few treasured photos and two very important, familiar stuffed toys, ‘Frank the Frog” and ‘Big Ted’. I was resplendent in burgundy jazz-ballet leotard, pink tights and ballet shoes,(I looked just gorgeous the next day at the relief centre!) Kimberly had a cloth nappy and Tony (very sensibly) had jeans, army shirt and sturdy boots.
We lost everything except the car but I decided straight away to be forever grateful that we escaped with our lives. It’s the only way to go! Material ‘things’ can be replaced,(mostly) lives cannot!
The most difficult thing for me was not losing the house and all possessions, but learning to humbly accept the gifts and donations from fabulous people and charitable organisations. I had to learn to just humbly say “thank you”. That wasn’t an easy thing to do for a very independent person like myself.
One funny memory that stays with me today is the communal laundries which were set up on the local football oval. I can remember putting the unfamiliar, donated clothes in a washing machine, only to return to find piles of wet clothes on the bench and not having a clue what was mine/ours and what was the other lady’s.It all looked so alien to me. I had to ask if she could remember what was hers and what was mine. We sorted it out in the end but it was one of the weirdest, yet amusing experiences which has stuck with me all those years.
Hellen, with your fabulous attitude, you will come out of this horrendous experience a much stronger person and as you said and I reiterate, there is nothing like a bushfire (or other natural disaster) to put your life into perspective in the flash of a fire-front!
All my love to you. Hang in there girl!
Regards
Kathleen
Dear Craig,
Thank you very much for sharing Hellen’s letter. This certainly reminds me to be thankful for what I have each day. Hellen, your strength and uplifting attitude during this most challenging time is admirable.
{{{{HELLEN}}}} So glad to know you and your family are safe and my love and best wishes are with you.
Hey Craig… great post. My sister in Healesville has several friends who are now homeless, but are thankful to be alive. You may have seen one of them on TV and in the online newspapers, Dave Nicholls, the fella who jumped into the ditch with his wedding album after crashing his ute. A couple of hours later he was back fighting the fires and continued to do so for the rest of the week. Then on the other hand, my best friend is mourning the loss of at least four of his friends and possibly more when the final toll is known. He’s not doing so well right now.
{{HUG}} Tina
Hi Hellen,
All the best. You have been through something totally unimaginable for me. I see the pictures of whats happening on TV but that is all. You are an inspiration for all of us.
Scott (from Scotland)
x
thanks everyone for your lovely thoughts. I would just like to say im certainly not brave or amazing -just damn lucky and grateful. thanks for the tips onthe school shoes – will do that – and all of your lovely hugs. hugs make me cry at the moment but its all good. i too have found it difficult to accept ‘charity’ being a stubborn single mum but will never forget the generosity and sheer compassion of everyonexx you are all precious and gorgeous. Hellenxx and u r cheeky Mr H – i didn’t want to make a fuss.
It amazes me too, just how wonderful the world can be and the people in it. Thank you, for sharing, being and making the world a better place…perhaps without even knowing it.
I don’t know but in 2007 I had a near death experience. I was dead and brought back twice. The first time was a beautiful experience but now I cannot get my act together. I want to die..lol I guess there is no peace like death..