Our Search for Meaning

A Short Story

Four people go through (what appears to be) the same experience: they get sacked from their job. They’re all working for the same firm (Crazy Craig’s Discounts), they’re all doing the same job (sales person), they’re all in their twenties, they’re all in a similar situation financially (living week to week), and they all get called into head office and given the same news on the same day. Tragic. Stressful.

Or is it?

Exactly the Same But Different

Although they were all subjected to the same thing – termination of their employment due to corporate down-sizing and the GFC – they each had a different experience. Why? Because they each understood, interpreted, processed and reacted to the news differently – that’s why. As a result, they each created their own unique experience. Consciously or not. There was no common experience; they each chose their own reality.

You and I do the same. Things happen (situations, circumstances, events, changing environments, job terminations) and then we interpret those things and react to them. In our own way. That is, we give them (whatever they are) meaning. Things are meaningless (to us) without our input. Without our interpretation. Events are just events until we label them. Until we attach an adjective. And some emotion. There is no hard or easy (for us) until we decide there is. Which is why one person’s hard will be another person’s easy. Because it’s always about the person, not the situation. Hard or easy, complex or simple, fun or frustrating, exciting or terrifying is all about the individual’s interpretation of, and reaction to, the events of their physical world.

That is, their internal response to the external.

Let’s get back to our four unemployed friends and take a look at some different reactions to the same thing.

Reaction 1: A Major Tragedy

Recently unemployed Sally is completely devastated because she “had a feeling this would happen… just when things seemed to be going okay”. Sally turns her sacking into a major personal tragedy complete with tears, anger, anxiety, despair and a little hyper-ventilation. Within minutes of the news she has worked herself into a state of total hysteria and dysfunction and sees nothing but doom and gloom in her future. She rings her mother and sister looking for sympathy, attention and support. They give it to her. Together, they all bitch about the company, the boss and the government’s ineptitude in the current economy. For months Sally sinks into a depression, eats her own body weight in chocolate each week, doesn’t look for employment (“what’s the point?”), focuses on the bad and wallows in self-pity. Sally has just as much talent, potential and skill as the other three. She also has the same opportunities. Sadly, she wastes the lot.

Reaction 2: An Opportunity

Recently unemployed Sam is something of an opportunist and an optimist. People enjoy being around him. He tends to find the good – by choice. He sees his termination as something of an opportunity for a new beginning. Although he didn’t hate his sales job, he had been considering a return to study in order to pursue his passion of film making. Within a week Sam has done some serious on-line research, enrolled in college, met with a career advisor, spoken to a financial planner, set some new goals, created an accountability system and found himself a “job to pay the bills while I study”. One week after walking out the door of Crazy Craig’s, Sam is happier than he has been in a long time. If anything, he has made the experience a catalyst for positive change. By choice.

Reaction 3: A Lesson

Recently unemployed Sarah is the philosopher of the group. For the most part, she chooses her reactions and does her best to manage her emotional energy wisely. She doesn’t rant, rave or seek attention and sympathy like her colleague, Sally. While Sally is finding a reason to self-destruct, Sarah is finding the lesson in the situation. She realises that, compared to many people, her problems are relatively minor and temporary. “What can I learn from this moment and what’s the best way for me to respond? “, she asks herself. Through the experience, Sarah learns to control what she can and let go of what she can’t. She consciously and calmly goes about finding herself some more work. Unlike her more theatrical colleague, she doesn’t give away her power to somebody or something else.

Reaction 4: A Minor Speed Hump

When recently unemployed Scotty wasn’t selling white goods at Crazy Craig’s, he was always down the coast, surfing or chasing girls. When possible: both. It’s fair to say that Scotty is a pretty laid-back character. If he was a dog, he’d be a Golden Retriever. Upon hearing the news of his departure from the company, his first question was “I wonder what the swell’s like today?”. When one of his colleagues asked what his plans regarding future employment were, he replied “I’ll get another job, I suppose”. No anxiety, No stress. No anger. No drama. Scotty went surfing for the rest of the week and found a new job a few days later. No biggie.

Meaning: What We Make it.

We humans are always looking for meaning, aren’t we? Meaning in things. In experiences. Relationships. Events. Situations. Coincidences. Accidents. Surprises. The stars. Did you notice that, in our story, there was no universal meaning to be found (in their group termination). The loss of their jobs meant different things to all of them. Why? Because they individually choose what things mean in their world. That is, they each assign meaning, significance, power and influence to the situations and circumstances they find themselves in. As do you and I. Every day.

Have you ever wondered why the various Christian denominations – who are apparently working from the same book - have different doctrines, theologies and cultures? Could it be because each church assigns its own meaning to the scriptures? If there’s any common ground between the hundreds (thousands?) of Christian denominations, it’s their collective inability to agree on the “meaning” of the bible.

And why does one person find the Power of Now (an Eckhart Tolle book) to be the most enlightening book ever, while another considers it to be mumbo-jumbo and a third sees it as a new-age deception of the devil? Because we all create our own reality and assign our own meaning. That’s why.

In some cultures dark clouds in the sky mean that the gods are angry. Where I live, it means I need to take a coat when I leave the house. For the Victorian farmer who is desperate for rain, it might mean a gift from heaven, bigger crops and less financial pressure.

So, in many ways, the age-old practice of “looking for meaning” in situations, circumstances and events is a waste of time. For the most part, things mean what we believe they mean. If, for example, you decide that this article was a waste of your time. It will be.

For you.

If you decide that it’s a valuable message. It will be.

For you.

Peace

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