A Conversation
Today, I was talking with someone who attended our MBE program last weekend. I asked her what (if anything) had resonated for her. She told me that she had never really grasped the subjective reality ‘thing’ until we started discussing the concept of consciously creating our own experiences. She liked the idea of being able to ‘build’ her own reality without having to rely on things ‘working out’ around her.
Taking the Theory for a Test Drive
The value of being part of a program which is both theoretical (listening to a bunch of information, exploring certain ideas and principles conceptually) and experiential (doing stuff – like getting a wet arse and muddy shoes while hiking in the wilderness with a bunch of strangers) is that we have the opportunity to take those theoretical concepts for a practical ‘test drive’ when we’re immersed in the doing part of the program.
Like exploring the idea of ‘hard’ and ‘easy’ being nothing more than a myth.
Hard and Easy
When I tell people that hard doesn’t really exist until we decide it does, they doubt my sanity. Sadly, we are ‘trained’ from an early age that some things are destined to be hard (marriage, staying in shape, making money, climbing a mountain) and some things are destined to be easy (getting in trouble, failing). As I’ve said before, things happen (to us, around us, despite us) and then we give those things (situations, events, circumstances) a label. And, when we name them, we make them a specific (determined-by-us) reality. We breathe life into them. Give them power. That is, they become a literal experience (for us). A very real self-created experience.
The Power is in the Name
When I label something ‘hard’ (and I believe it), I create a physical, emotional and psychological response. I turn on a switch. I create a negative power shift. An internal shift. I hand over (some of) my power to that (allegedly hard) thing. The moment I decide that tomorrow will be a bad day, is the moment that a ‘bad day’ becomes likely. Why? Because I create my own experiences. Constantly. Consciously or not.
For one person, the key message in the above paragraph will be empowering while for another, it will be complete crap. Interestingly, they will both be right. 
Same but Different
It’s fascinating to watch a group of people all doing (what appears to be) the same thing at the same time… all having different individual experiences. It might seem reasonable to assume that a group of people all doing the same hike, along the same track, in the same weather conditions, at the same time, will all have the same experience.
Wrong.
Of course, each person will have a different experience because they will individually process, filter, interpret, cope, react and interact uniquely according to their own (self-created) reality: the window from which they view the world. And the experience pool from which they draw their conclusions, make their assumptions and find their labels.
Seeing Is Not Being
To the casual observer, it might seem that the participants in the group all had the same experience but the observer is not the experiencer. All the observer sees is the external stuff: the weather conditions, the track, the gradient of the mountains, the mud, the speed of the walkers and the distance covered. While the external stuff can have an impact on each individual experience (natch), it doesn’t determine it. If it did, each walker would have an identical experience and inhabit the same reality.
And how boring would that be?
One Hike, Thirty-Five Experiences
Some people found the hiking element of our weekend program hard. Some found it easy. One woman cried (with joy) and told the group it was a spiritual experience for her to be in the middle of such natural beauty. For some, it was a psychological challenge, for others not. Some were hot, some cold. Some were intimidated, some excited. Some anxious, some relaxed. Some came to learn, some came to be inspired, some came to connect and some came to face their fears. Some came to do the whole lot!
We can break our overall experiences down and find many sub-experiences. For example: for Sally, running a marathon might be a painful experience physically but a joyful experience psychologically. It might also be a life-changing experience emotionally and an enjoyable experience socially. For Sally, the marathon will mean whatever she determines it means.
Like Sally, you and I create our own experiences every day. Every minute. Consciously or not. Intentionally or not. Good and bad. Hard and easy. Lessons and problems. Painful and joyful.
One of the key challenges of the personal growth journey is to create our own experiences intentionally. To be more aware and more conscious. To manage (our internal environment) rather than be managed (by our external environment).
Whoever said “life is what we make it” was a cool cat.
What type of experiences are you creating?
As always, love to hear your thoughts on this post - even you non-commenting, scaredy-cat types. 
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“Seeing is Not Being”: You’ve just succinctly described a phenomenon that through observation and experience I am now only beginning to truly grasp. When a person actually understands this concept, group behaviour begins to make sense and it loses much of its (bluff, intimidating, misleading) power.
I am trying to create positive experiences in my life. Having got my head out of the negative waters I was drowning in for the last couple of years, I realised I need to surround myself with positive people. I also had discovered that “too hard” attitude thats been hanging around my neck like a noose, no longer does me justice and it was all in my head. Changing my attitude and experiences, has allowed me a taste of freedom.
As one of the non-commenting scaredy-cats, let me say THANK YOU for this article.
I’m thinking about work and my (mostly negative) thoughts about the (never-ending & on-going) re-organization.
I could work on re-defining some of my thoughts in a more positive light and while things won’t automatically become _good_ by doing that, they might become _better_ for me and my sanity!
LIfe is what we make it – I love that!
I’m definitely one of the ones who finds the quote in the ‘Power is in the Name’ paragraph empowering!
I am a bit behind the curve and am just about ready to restart my 28 day challenge of zero sugar. I started with everyone else 5 weeks ago and had too bail part way through because I got weak and dizzy. With a bit more knowledge and renewed enthusiasm I wanted to give it another go – I think I would have really benefitted from the encouragement of others following their own challenges but no excuses, I can do it!
awesome post – I am one of those annoying people who sees the positive – a tough life taught me at a young age that life is truly what you make it – sadly for me the only area of my life I fall down is in my health & fitness journey – the plus is that I never give up trying – however my positive attitude to all aspects of my life mean that I will eventually succeed and when I do, Craig your posts will still continue to inspire me – as they have done since the first time I heard you speak at my office, to the times I listen to you on SEN and to these posts. Rock the positive
This article begs the question…..what IS life? Is it ours to CREATE or is it something we are happy to sit by and let just HAPPEN? Is it truly possible to MAKE our own lives and thereby decide we want to make a wonderful, fulfilling, passionate life? Do we have the choice to decide we do not want a shitty, painful, torturous depressing life?
Wake up people………YES OF COURSE IT IS POSSIBLE. I am not saying that during our lives we will have many different challenges and sometimes just downright shitty, painful depressing events happen which we cant control. What we CAN control is our reaction to them and how we choose to deal with it.
I know this is true because i have personally been through some hellish times during my life so far and i am sure there will be more of these times as i go along. Thats all part of it. I had periods though where i chose to be wallow in it and feel like a victim and give in to the feelings and feel powerless.
Then one day i got sick of feeling like that. I decided to make a CONSCIOUS effort each day to face it with a positive mindset. There is a difference between positive and unrealistic…..my problems were still very real and present however i chose to lift my attitude towards it and instantly things became easier. It was as if the universe had opened up to me all these new possibilities and opportunities. They must have always been there however i was unable to see them whilever i chose to stay in the shitty attitude.
So i now choose to always face things every day with a positive attitude and i can tell you it makes LIFE a lot happier, no matter what comes your way. I am not talking about the silly notion o fputting a smile on your face and all your problems will go away. I am talking about finding the inner strength to create the positivity to move forward with your life and continue on despite all the adversities and problems that you know will come along the way.
GET IN THERE PEOPLE AND ENOY YOUR LIFE…….you only get one chance…..dont be a spectator…..
Awesome comment – Stormy Bear
Day 2 of my road to transformation and change and again I did not hit the snooze button and I have drank a bucket load of water already this morning
That is an experience in itself 
I think sometimes we all get caught up in self pity and misery without even realising that we have done it and we forget the things that mean so much to us and make us feel really good and give us those experiences that we crave. I know that I don’t intend on forgetting those things again.
‘Subjective realty’, what a neat concept. Great summary of ‘experience’.
Thanks Craig. Awesome post.
Some years ago when I was going through a particularly difficult period of my life, I read a book about ‘choice theory’ which is basically the principle that you have no control over what happens to you, but you have total control over your reaction to it. This idea got me through without the unnecessary nervous breakdown, but I am always amazed at how unwilling negative people are to embrace this concept. I guess being a victim takes less effort than consciously taking control of your life, but it’s certainly less fun!
GREAT WORK CH, Thank you!
As soon as you start saying things like a relationship is hard work then that is what it becomes. It’s like saying in life you have to suffer. Its all rot.
While I confess to only doing a ‘quick scan’ read & not a proper read I did look at your Hard & Easy paragraph.
I’m in total agreement.
I am a dance teacher (don’t teach as much as I use to – by choice), anyway, I never ever told students if a move was hard or easy.
I would teach beginner students who claimed not to know left from right, how to do Intermediate moves with props & they always got it.
If they got frustrated I would always tell them, that they are learning to move their bodies in ways it wasn’t use to & it was unrealistic to get it the first time around. They just needed to keep trying.
I always love the look on their faces when they finally got it. Some days I feel like I don’t teach dance I teach ‘confidence’ with music in the background.
The experience that I’m creating at the moment: the long (long, long) run in preparation for my first half marathon. I do this run at 8am Sunday mornings, rain, hail or shine. (It rained and hailed on my short run yesterday
)
The self-talk I engage in the day before the run, during the run and for the 48hrs after the run is something I have to really focus on. I need to think positive: I can do this; I enjoy running for 90mins; I can run at any pace I want (read as “as slow as I want”), I’m choosing to do this. Afterward, I have to focus on positives: maybe good pace, beating “that” hill; the achievement, etc.
I’m trying to think myself into a positive experience and avoiding talking myself out of it, LOL. But over the last few weeks, it has made a big, good difference. If I feel psychologically stronger, my body responds. When I let my thoughts get down and dark, my body responds in the same way.
My only concern is that I’m deluding myself!
Excellent post Craig,
if I knew what I have learnt now when I was going through my crisis/trauma I would of not suffered or struggled so much. If I had focused on my choices,options,assistance instead of “this is too hard to cope with”, I would of coped and got alot further in helping myself and not being controlled and paralysed by the situation.
Craig I have always kept the saying you mentioned “as hard as we make it ” and refer to it constantly and teach awareness of it to my family.
I have learnt that seeing something as being too hard gives your power away and can paralyse you emotionally and physically.
Bringing awareness to choices/options keeps us moving and growing through our experiences.
It doesn’t mean the situation is cured or solved (health issues/relationships) but the suffering and struggle doesn’t have so much power/control while we are trying to get through it.
Love this post Craig. It is very true.
I am very good at creating my own reality and rarely stay ‘down’ for long as I can often twist things to see the good.
Annoyingly I have trouble with this when it comes to my weight and struggle to stop seeing my past attempts as failures and instead see them as practice attempts.
Michael did you say that? with detachment:)
Interesting reading, love reading this stuff. Always find it challenge to incorporate it with my personal training and boot camp clients. When my clients say it gets hard, this article just pops into my head. Thanks Craig
We humans are a delusional bunch, thinking we ‘create a reality’ in which we will ‘be happy’. It is that act that throws me into a conflictual life without end. It is judgement, comparison and the feeling of lack that will spin me out onto a never ending quest to be something I am not. Accept who I am without the cloak of lack, unravel the comparison which instigates feelings of lack and maybe I will be in a place and space where I am just what I am.
If that is happiness or an experience I have just created, I missed the point!
Is there any point?
To think there is completes the circle of my disappointment!