Is it a Choice?
Is it possible for you and I to choose our attitude? Is it something we have control over or is it just… there? Do we determine it or is it simply the overall result of our life experiences? Is it ’set’ like our genetic potential, or is it something that we can manipulate, manage and change? Can we train our mind the way we train our body? Does our attitude control us or do we control it? Perhaps we have the choice of being the controlled or the controller.
I’ll take Option B thanks.
Managing our Internal Environment
Is it possible for you and I to have a good day (whatever that means to us personally) simply because we are able to manage our internal environment better than the next person? Is a good or bad day dependant on our internal or external environment? Is it possible to have a great day despite what’s going on around us? Maybe it’s different for different people? Or maybe it’s different for the same people on different days – depending on where we are at (emotionally, mentally, physically) on that day? On some level we all understand that we have the ability to create chaos. And calm. Pain. And pleasure. Misery. And joy. Problems. And lessons. Despite what’s going on around us.
Swimming Against the Tide
Ever met a person with a terminal illness who has zero fear? Me too. Why is that? Why aren’t they appropriately scared? What about the person with no money who’s incredibly happy? How come? Don’t they know how miserable they should be? Or somebody in (what appears to be) a very stressful situation (a paramedic at a serious traffic accident perhaps) who is totally calm, relaxed and in control? What’s with that? Or what about the person who spends most of his time alone but never feels lonely? Weirdo. Then there’s the girl who is constantly surrounded by people yet is always lonely. For the most part, emotional and psychological states are not so much about the situation as they are about the person in the situation. That is, how we process, interpret and react to what’s going on around us.
That is, the internal reality we create.
Controlling What we Can
And that is the key Grasshoppers; getting to a place where the quality of our life experience is (mostly) determined by our internal – not our external – environment. That is, the stuff we can control. I don’t know about you but I have very little control over most of what takes place in the world around me. What happens internally however, is totally up to me because I am the manager of my internal state. The author of my own story. I made that decision long ago. I won’t invest my time or emotional energy into stuff I can’t change. It’s a waste. I’ll control what I can (me) and let go of what I can’t (most things).
The Reactive Life
Rather than choosing and creating their own reality, some people spend their lives reacting, coping and surviving. They survive life rather than live it. Somehow they have become reactors (to random stuff) rather than creators (of good stuff). Rather than choosing their internal environment, they have allowed themselves to be controlled by their external environment. Which means that their mental and emotional states are largely determined by the happenings (good and bad) of the physical world they inhabit.
A Place to Avoid
This is a very vulnerable place to exist because in this paradigm, happiness or sadness, success or failure, anxiety or calm is not determined by us. We are at the mercy of our surroundings. When the state of our internal reality (the place we do most of our living) is dependant on external things (other people, events, circumstances, situations) then we will always be insecure, fearful and anxious because in this place, our destiny is not in our own hands. We are out of control.
And that is mildly terrifying.
The Road Most Travelled
We’ve all been in that place though; the place where our attitude, state of mind, emotional state and level of optimism are all determined by what’s going on around us. That is, in that moment, the events and happenings of our physical, three-dimensional world determine us. Rather than having a good day by choice, we cross our fingers and hope that today will be a good one. That things will somehow work out.
Good News
Fortunately for you and I, it’s not a place we need to stay. Our reality will change as soon as we do because we have that power. The events of our three-dimensional world only have the influence and impact that we allow them to have and for some of us it’s time to take back the control that we handed over long ago.
Peace. 
See you Queenslanders very soon…
xx
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Awesome, awesome words Craig. I have heard it termed as equanimity: the middle road between your highs and your lows. Not letting the roller coaster of life lead you, but rather you control it.
An amazing way to life your life
On benefits of paid leave
We are all biological computers.
It is my profound conviction that if we do not format our hard disks once in a while – our main systems crash.
For me, it is a long journey to my faraway snowy homeland at least once a year.
As long as I can empty my hard disk ‘on a regular basis’ this way, I can choose my attitude.
Do you have your disk-fixer?
As someone who has been through quite a few hard times, people often ask me how I manage to be such a calm and positive person. I didn’t get much say so over the things that happened in my life, but I did learn that I could choose how to feel about them, and how to feel about me. Some have attempted to throw me a pity party, but I politely decline.
I try to surround myself with positive, upbeat people, and avoid the downers. I am somewhat susceptible to the moods of other people, especially those I live with, so when they’re cranky, I try to keep to myself. I try to avoid being dragged down into their drama pits, and I’m pretty successful!
I recently reconnected with old friends, and had to explain many things that happened since we had last spoken. It was very difficult to revisit all the tragedies that occured during that time, but these had been very close friends who deserved to know. Once I was done explaining, and answering their questions, I made it clear that I was not interested in ‘poor Sandy’. I am fine. I have discovered much about myself, and am a better person for it.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. We may not know the reason for quite some time, but one day we’ll look back and realize, ‘oh, that’s why’. If those things hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be where I am now. And I’m pretty happy with where I am, and where I’m going, and who I’ve become.
Have a great day, all!
Sandra
I love this stuff Craig!!!!!! I need to read more and more, but also to consistently do what I read.
Any way I’m off to be miserable now, because I live in the UK and the weather is always crap!
Isn’t it funny how we often see what we want to see? Like, when we perceive something different to the actual sensory information that enters our brain? As a ‘future mountain girl’ I read your post title as ‘choose your altitude’
I just thought about it and it can be a synonym for life and what you’re speaking about. Just like how we can be in control and set the bar on the high jump/pole vault where we want it opposed to where the official sets it. If we don’t want to be challenged, easy – just set the bar low. And, likewise, if you want to be a pseudo mountaineer – go climb Australia’s highest mountain, Kosciusko (2228m). However, if you DO want to be challenged, and in control, go on, set that bar as high as you like (but make sure it is achievable and visible). Go climb Mera Peak in Nepal at 6476m and look forward to taking in the amazing views of the world’s highest peaks.
I could associate with many of the people you spoke of. How about the chocoholic who walks into the corner shop/supermarket and makes a bee line for the chocolate aisle, reacting to her thoughts/feelings/current situation without thinking, just wanting a nano seconds worth of pleasure as an escape? I’ve been her too. I know lots better now than to get stuck in that way of living. It’s destructive and stupid. ** no longer addicted to Bounty’s **
Very well done Craig.
It’s ALL attitude, right?
Whatever the “weather,” we can all bring our own sunshine
Michael, Are you ok?
Happy weekend everyone.
Whooooooooooo ! Attitude…. Awesome..
thank god for that… I am so grateful to have the freedom to live exactly how I please knowing I cannot change anyone else.. or anything else and even money doesnt limit me as this universe just keeps on giving!
To be this HIGH (might change as I now become a Yoga Instructor – nah just more intense) every single day is an absolute gift and one I wouldnt trade for anything not even all the money in the world… i feel like I am living a rock concert.
And you know what .. many at work say YOU cant actually always be that happy .. SO glad I dont suffer from jealousy that I cant control what a waste for them… as I am this happy and my gym class is just so happy i have officially lost the plot.. Am getting an RRM tattoo on my back … may as well mark it!
We get this ONCE guys SO take a good look in the mirror what do you have, what is left, what can YOU give.. turn UP THAT MUSIC and GO!
For me this falls under the realm of opposites – good, bad, happy, sad, chaos, calm etc. Like opposite sides of the coin, you can’t have one without the other – that’s just how it is. And we live our lives diving from one side to the other. What is needed, however, is to find that place in between where you don’t ‘react’, a place of indifference, or as Rick said, equanimity. Whilst hard to do all the time, I find when I am in this place of indifference, life goes on around me without reacting (or over-reacting) and the outcome of my day is very different. This is a very similar feeling to that place I find in meditation where I just am.
I am new to your website and so very much appreciate receiving these words of wisdom, words that I needed to hear and more importantly need to implement. I will print them off and re-visit this article whenever I need the inspiration to take back control of my world and my reactions Thanks Craig.
Yes I totally agree with you Sandra re all you have been through, but one thing I get told is just ‘get over it’.
Lisa just getting over a bout of gastro.
Will be ok for Saturday night.
Excited already about the Workshop on Sunday – Only 2 more sleeps to go… Now to leave work early, pack the car, the kids ,the dog, the fish and head off on the 3 hour road trip just to catch the plane to Brisbane… Arriving mid afternoon Saturday.. just in time for a walk along the beautiful Southbank and to get gorgeous before heading to my favourite Curry Place in the World.. its in West End… anyone want to join me?
See ya Sunday…..
Jak
Hey all!
Wishing you a productive weekend in the state of sunshine – what a great place to start some positive thinking!
Enjoy, stay safe, but most of all have a blast!
cheers M x
It is 7.10 and i’m sick as and can’t contact you sorry could not make it, next time all,
Hey Craig !
I’ve only just got around to reading this one… had a very busy weekend. Spent several hours last night and the whole day today helping my eldest son and his family to salvage as much as possible of their belongings after their celing caved in. They’re extending up, putting on a second storey, and had got to the stage where they had to remove the roof tiles for the framing to go up. On Thursday it was so hot that their feet were burning through their shoes while they were on the roof. But they didn’t get a chance to tarp it all up before the storm hit last night… while we were all out at a family party. They got home to find the house flooded and a heck of a lot of stuff ruined.
Why am I telling you all this ? Because my son… who seems to get kicked in the guts every time he starts to get ahead… is saying “oh well, this is going to make things easier for getting the framework up top, and we’re probably better off replacing all the plasterboard anyway, rather than trying to patch it like we were going to do… ”
Always finds something good in every situation….. even though they have no dry clothes and half their furniture, appliances, books, toys and bedding are wrecked.
{{HUG}} Tina
I think this comment Wolfhound posted on Jessica Watson’s blog says it all re attitude, so here it is…….
Wolfhound said…
Hi Jessica,
Sounds like you managed to have a lot of fun and celebrate a bunch. That’s fantastic. As you say there’s a bunch of hard work to come, but the progress you’re making will bolster your confidence to tackle the hard stuff.
One great thing about your journey is that is exposes how sad the world has become. In previous generations – 50, 100 or more years ago – I believe that most people would have encouraged you in your dream. Today, there are so many naysayers, who say that it’s too hard, too dangerous, you’re too young, you’re only a girl, etc.
Many of these observers would claim that they’re being ‘responsible’, ‘cautious’, ‘realistic’, ‘only looking out for you’, etc., whereas the truth is that we’ve become a generation of control freaks, forgetting that the purpose of live is to *live*. It’s not the destination that matters, it’s the journey. And it’s individual enterprise, exploration and adventure that is such a large part of what makes life worth living.
So I’m thrilled with your success, not just for your own sake, of course, and your team’s, but also because it can serve as a message to all the small-minded people in the world. I hope that, for them, your story will make the resounding statement that life is about pursuing your dreams and meeting challenges.
It doesn’t matter whether a person fails gloriously in meeting a challenge, because the wonderful thing is that they tried. How sad would life be if we all lived in a world where no-one had any dreams, no-one was willing to take a risk, and where no-one did anything without the approval of legislators, regulators, supervisors, pundits, journalists and commentators ?
So thank you, Jessica, for following your dream. I hope for your ultimate success, and that it brings you the satisfaction that I believe it will. I also hope that it serves to inspire other people – especially girls – to drive relentlessly ahead in pursuit of their hopes and dreams, and to say, as we do in Ireland, “damn the begrudgers”.
All the best,
Brian in NY.
Thanks Wolfhound! And to add a bit more, Ralf Waldo has a thing to say…
“We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Good attitude Dude!