Welcome to 2007; the time when more people than ever, with absolutely no medical conditions or sicknesses, are taking themselves off to the operating theatres of the world and paying rich surgeons a fortune to be sliced, diced, nipped, tucked, sucked, stretched and implanted.
To be beautiful.
Hot.
Or more attractive, at the very least.
New and improved.
Popular.
Noticed.
A surgical path to happiness.
Perhaps we should forget the wrinkles around our eyes and get the doctor to take a look at our brain while we’re on the table?
Somehow, on some level, some people (okay, many) have bought into the disturbing belief that if they have less wrinkles, less sag, more perk, less fat and skin and perhaps a different nose, they will be happier and more fulfilled.
Their life will be better.
They must have (bought into it)… otherwise, why would they risk their life (all surgery is a calculated risk) and pay a fortune to do it? People who are already in debt are so desperate to be ‘enhanced’ that they are taking out more loans to undergo cosmetic surgery.
Somewhere along the line they (we) have been programmed to believe that:
Certain physical appearance = Attractiveness = Desirability = Happiness.
We bought into the lie.
How do we un-learn this crap when we live in a society which constantly screams at us that beauty equals success?
See any movie, watch any TV show, read any magazine; it’s all about being gorgeous.
At all costs.
Even the TV show ‘Ugly Betty’ is all about the unlikely situation of a less-than-glamorous girl with eyebrows like a muppet trying to survive in the beautiful, bitchy, glam world of the fashion magazine. And while many viewers identify with the character and feel for her (perhaps because they see some of themselves in Betty)…. and want to give her a big old hug, I haven’t spoken to anyone who actually wants to look like her.
While on one level the show is seemingly all about seeing the underdog overcome adversity in a pretentious world (yay), on another level it teaches us that the ugly girl will struggle, will get the dorky ugly boyfriend and will have to work harder than the pretty girls to achieve the same outcome… and she will be ridiculed and disadvantaged because she’s not pretty enough (boo).
If it were true that beauty equated to success, then surely all models and Hollywood Hotties would be universally happy, fulfilled, balanced and emotionally healthy little campers; clearly this is not the situation.
In fact, they would be the happiest…. because they are the most beautiful.
Apparently.
One of the challenges of my job (my company facilitates over 1,500 Personal Training sessions every week) is to help people (who are going through physical changes) keep perspective… that is, not throwing all of their eggs in the ‘physical’ basket while simultaneously neglecting their psychological, emotional and spiritual selves.
Some people are surprised that an exercise scientist (a bloke who owns a couple of gyms) would spend more time working with people on the head and heart stuff than he would, the physical.
I do this because I know that (long-term) satisfaction, happiness, fulfilment and joy never comes from the physical (it can be part of, but never the total solution). I understand that appearance (beauty) has very little to do with long-term ‘success’. In fact I don’t really care too much about my clients appearance… but I do care about how they feel and function; their overall health.
While I do care about their cholesterol, their blood sugar, their body-fat levels, their posture, their diet and their cardio-vascular health (the physical stuff)… I care more that they understand that, while it’s great to be in shape and look good… our body isn’t who we are.. it’s just where we live.
Sorry if I’m gettin’ a little weird on you but I think that most of us agree that we are complex, multi-dimensional, psychological, emotional and spiritual beings who roam this big blue ball for eighty years or so in this physical body… and then once we die we… okay, that’s another post!
So when our body becomes our identity (and it does for many people) then we’re in trouble.
When our confidence, our self-esteem and our emotional state (and happiness) are dependant on our weight, our wrinkle factor or some other physical variable… then we’re on a path to misery, frustration and desperation… and I have seen many (attractive) people become more and more preoccupied with, and miserable about, their appearance over time than you could imagine.
If I had ten bucks for every time someone told me:
“If only I could lose…. kilos (pounds) I’ll be happy.”
“If only I could lose just five more, then I’d be okay.”
I’d be loaded!
The problem is that they lose the weight, get the nose job, get the fat sucked… and they’re really happy.
For five minutes.
Then they wake up one day (not long after) and realise that all of those issues… are still there. And all of a sudden they understand the futility of trying to address internal issues with an external solution.
I spent years as a young bodybuilder trying to achieve physical perfection (or as best I could with my genetics) because I had some stupid belief (on some level) that if only I looked like some kinda cartoon character; got my arms and back big enough, my waist small enough, my shoulders wide enough and my body-fat low enough… life would be great, girls would dig me, blokes would respect me… and I would be happy.
I did (get the body) and I wasn’t (happy).
A big wake-up call was had by the bloke with the veins and biceps… and a life-long exploration into ‘real success’ and ‘real beauty’ began.
* Tell me your story or thoughts on the beauty issue.
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Craig, I had the “BODY” just like you did, worked hard to keep it THEN got the MOZZIE got ROSS RIVER FEVER lost the BODY because I was so Buggered,breathing was an effort some days. FOUND what the priorities were for my life,mostly good relationships with family & friends.& days without pain. Destressed,changed life direction & found I wasn’t the SUM TOTAL of my occupation & Bank account. Still have’t got the body BUT I know who I am & like the bloke in the mirror now. Nips & tucks a crock of crap!!!!! As you said the body is only where we live but it is good to know someone is at home. Love your articles. Peter from Brisbane QLD
Craig you have raised a great point ‘our body is not who are we…it’s where we live’. I think it takes people years to realise this.
Also when your confidence is high you automatically become more attractive to other people (strange isn’t it).
Hey Peter,
tough way to learn that lesson.. but at least you learned it.
Glad you like the site,
Enjoy your week.
Hi Steve,
it is pretty fundamental.. and people are slow to learn it.
Thanks for visiting.
Craig,
Your site is quickly rising to the top of my RSS reader! I love your honesty.
On the topic of self-image… I just spent an exhausting weekend debating advocates of the “new eugenics” movement, which argues the moral duty to genetically modify babies for nontherapeutic reasons (preferred eye color, preferred sexual preferences, preferred skin color, etc).
I worry that human insecurities about their looks will result in a two-class dystopia – with the genetically enhanced socially/economically superior to the genetically natural. re: the movie Gattacca.
With recent stories of parents modifying their children, I think this will be a huge debate in our lifetimes.
And I feel my belief in self-acceptance will be seriously hampered by this movement.
Morning Craig…
When I first made the decision that i no longer wanted to look like I did after three kids,(I had been up to 90 odd kg’s) my goal was to look great in a pair of jeans… How bloody shallow is that… At the time, that was my focus.
What took me about three months to realise is how much better i felt and how much more I could do when I exercised and ate well…
Really… looking great is a pair of jeans is the icing… how I felt was the real reward…
It is important to feel great about yourself. For me that doesn’t mean lipo, or boob job… for me, it is to be proud of my body and what I do to maintain it.
Hi Craig,
I agree with you 100%. On a different note, getting surgery to correct supposed flaws like a bump on the nose- its our flaws that make us individuals. Flaunt it, I say!
Have fun,
Finn
Hi Finn,
having significant nose-bump action myself.. I’m in total support of your philosphy!
Hi Craig
I love and agree with your article 100%. People do put too much emphasis on beautifying oneself and not enough on what we are all about. People shouldn’t let their bodies define who they are and should concentrate on friends, family and living life to the fullest. Keep up the great work!!
Leanne – Melbourne Vic
Hi Anthony.
I had to read your comment three times… but I’m hearing you and we’re on the same page.
All you and I can do is speak the truth…
And hope logic prevails.
Cheers.
Hello Yummy Mummy,
you sound so …. normal.
What are you on?
Have a great week.
Hey Leanne.
Thanks… I’ll do my best!
Cheers.
As everyone knows, the man with the “S” on his chest symbolizes “truth, justice and the American Way”. You are slowly becoming my Superman for “truth, justice and having the balls to say what we’re all thinking”. Congratulations Craig on another candid and veracious article.
My favourite Blog!
Jonah
(Hamilton-Bermuda)
Hi Jonah.
You’re too kind.
I appreciate it.
Cheers.
I guess it’s about self confidence. If you are not confident that you are beautiful, then that’s what leads people to seek help from experts. They’re probably not happy about their body and they risk their health from undergoing surgery.
Hey Dave,
thanks for your thoughts.
Cheers.
I whole heartedly agree wtih your whole perception of this.
Society is unudated with nothing but gorgeousness / beauty:
- In everything from models (now they must be sickly thin – we give aid to countries with people who look like that)
- TV ads
- TV shows
- Movies
Everywhere we as society turn we are hit with how ‘great’ it is to be so beautiful, that it makes you popular, ect.
I have seen through this and really, I feel sorry for them. While some may be well adjusted, many have problems that they try and hide, things like drug addictions, drinking, ect. They can’t seem to stay in a stable relationship, they bounce around from man to man, or become violent – especially when they believe they should get whatever they want and don’t.
I guess it is the Hollywood mentality.
Myself, I will never have a type of surgery to change my appearance. It is who I am and really you need to be able to love yourself, before you can love another – meaning if you can’t like who and what you are, how can you expect others to?
I plan to try and lose about 40 lbs, not for what you described in your article, but to become more active in my life, be a bit more healthy, and have a bit more energy in my step – plus my doctor thinks I should. [chuckles]
All in all, this was a good read and enjoyed / agreed with what you had to say, but there will be no way of ‘curing’ this type of behaviour until we stop getting brainwashed with Ads, TV, Movies, Magazines, Models, ect that constantly flood us with the idea that you can have it all if you just look ‘this’ good.
Hey, Craig!!
This was an awesome article, and I agree totally with you!! I am so tired of the perfect bodies, the perfect hair, and the perfect faces, I could literally scream!!! Thanks for writing exactly what’s been in my head for a long time!!
Hi BFS,
thanks for your thoughts and good luck with the forty pounds.
Cheers.
Hi Barb…
you know I always try and write what’s in your head!
( )
People are just not happy about getting old or even having flaws. As we continue on with our progress, we tend to demand things that are easy to use in short, we want life to be easy. This is where all those diet pills, anti wrinking creams and a whole lot of them revolutionize and replaced the old fashion way of staying fit and younger. All I’m saying is that we must be thankful of what we have.
Hi Yolanda,
Yep, we do (need to be thankful).
Cheers.
Great post, Craig.
For the past two years, I’ve been developing my “inner life”, so to speak, and in the last half year, I’ve noticed something that’s quite astounding.
I’m better looking. These days, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, or my reflection in a window, and I think, “Wow. Is that really me??”
Is it just a shift in my self-perception? I don’t know. But one thing that I do know – I got to this “loving how I look” feeling by focusing on my inner being.
Even though this wasn’t what I had in mind when I started on my inner journey, my inner solution had lots of beneficial impact on my life!