A Needle of Negativity in a Haystack of Hope.

I’m back.

So my foray into the world beyond this one proved to be an interesting experiment; some loved it… and some, not so much.
A few of your comments:

“I think you hit this one out of the park!! Nice explanation for the difference between religion and spirituality. Awesome Blog Craig.” - Dianne from Ontario

“Craig oh Craig, I think you just chased away all your readers.” - Cheryl from SA

“I’m luvin‘ Oogabooga. You rock, Craig.” - Christine from Canada

Thanks for your feedback.
How boring would it be if we all thought the same?
Pretty boring.
A little philosophy, spiritual exploration, paradigm shifting and mind-bending every now and then is healthy… if not always popular.

So in the next week I will present part two of ‘Life Beyond the Physical’ (when I have the time, energy and insight to sit down for several more hours than I do at the moment).

I am not easily offended and definitely not precious, so let me know what you would like to see me write about more (or less). If you have any ideas for topics I haven’t explored, or explored enough, let me know.

Today Craig the Coach is back to chat briefly about a simple, but effective, strategy which can help us move from apathetic to amazing, from ordinary to extraordinary, from indifferent to inspired and from glass-half-empty, to glass-half-full.
If we actually apply what we learn.It’s about learning to ask the right questions.
The questions that lead us to a better place.

For some of the people that I have worked with over the years, every day seems to be a never-ending series of problems, catastrophes and less-than-desirable outcomes. They are perpetual victims and every situation, circumstance an/or event is accompanied with, or followed by, the inevitable negative, woe-is-me, self-talk and dis-empowering questions.

We’ve all had (or have) a.. ‘the-world-is-about-to-end’… friend, relative, colleague in our life at some stage.
Now and then, we are that person.

I’ve probably spent time with more woe-is-me(ers) than most.
And what’s always amazing is… when you listen to what’s coming out of their mouth and then practically and unemotionally analyse their situation or circumstance… invariably, it ain’t that bad.
At all.

They are drama magnets.
They find the bad.
Sure, there are some issues to be addressed (that’s called being human) but they have a gift for turning a minor challenge into an international incident worthy of news coverage.

If there was needle of negativity in a haystack of hope… they’d find it in sixty seconds.

They have a PhD in negative self-talk… and what’s likely to come out of that is:

(1) They will annoy the crap out of their long-suffering (but dwindling number of) friends who are too polite to tell them that their incessant complaining and negativity about everything in their life, drives them nuts and bores them senseless.

(2) They will alienate people and end up lonely – even really nice people hate hanging out with negative people all the time.

(3) They will talk themselves into depression, despair, anxiety, frustration and medication… or a combination of the five.

(4) They will spend so much time feeling sorry for themselves and finding the bad that they’ll never actually do anything constructive to create real positive change.

(5) They’ll waste most, if not all of their time, talent an energy on the stuff they can’t change, while spending none of their time, talent and energy on the stuff they can.They are masters of the “why me?” conundrum; the questions which invariably lead them to self-pity, inactivity, frustration and emotional, psychological, spiritual, social, financial and professional (career) stagnation.

If only they would look for solutions not problems.

If only they would ask the right questions; the one’s which can potentially change their lives for the better.

So many times in our lives we are an inch away from amazing but we don’t know it.
And so often, it’s those moments when we feel a million miles form where we wanna be.. that we’re actually the closest… but we let our feelings get in the way of our possibilities.

If only we would ask different questions.

Questions which put us in a different state.
Which in turn get us to do different things.
Which in turn produce different results!
Bingo.

“Why does this always happen to me?” becomes “What am I doing to create this?.”

“Why was I given these genetics?” becomes “What can I do to maximise my genetic potential?”

“Why is he such an ignorant butt-head?” becomes “How do I need to communicate with this person to create the best outcome?”

“Why is my boss such hard work” becomes “I wonder what it’s like to deal with these issues from her position?” or “I wonder what I can do to make things better?” or “I wonder how I am contributing to the problem?”

“When is it ever gonna happen?” becomes “When am I gonna make it happen?”

“When will things finally go my way?” becomes “when will I stop feeling sorry for myself and stop being a lazy, self-indulged, pain-in-the-ass who does nothing to create a better reality?”
(Yes, harsh… but in my opinion, often appropriate).

We can tip-toe around issues like this, we can get all super PC, we can hold hands and sing folk songs and tell each other… “I understand your pain” till we’re blue in the face… but until we stop enabling people in their pathetic, destructive, woe-is-me attitudes and behaviours, we will be part of the problem.
When I mentor people I am empathetic and understanding but I am honest, I am blunt and I am all about creating positive, forever change.
Real help doesn’t come from getting on board someone’s emotional roller-coaster or pity-party. No, it comes from helping them to embrace and implement practical, proven, behavioural principles and change techniques.

I’m not interested in making someone feel better for ten minutes by telling them what they want to hear… only to let them walk out the door and back into the same destructive habits, behaviours and self-talk.
Sometimes people who think they’re being loving (by tolerating people’s constant negativity) are actually enabling them to continue down their destructive path.
Don’t confuse being nice with being loving.
Nice lasts for five minutes.

So… do you find that needle in the haystack or have you learned to ask the right questions?