A Different Perspective
Hi Guys. Last week I wrote a post called Be Yourself; Everyone Else is Already Taken. Well, yesterday somebody sent through a belated comment which I thought I might respond to today. I actually think the commentor has expressed concisely and accurately what many people think and believe. Far from being critical of him/her, I appreciate their honesty and courage to share their perspective.
Here’s the comment in its entirety:
“Sorry, society does not want who we are, only what’s useful and acceptable to them. To get on in life, to get the plasma, the ‘friends’, the money you have to be who you are not. It’s the only way. If it turns out we only have one life to live I would rather on the deathbed have these things than be individual and alone. Please others, have the surgery, sacrifice yourself. Do you want to be alone, because if you are not what others want that is what you will get. Get real.”
So, as the comment probably reflects the feelings of more-than-a-few, I thought it might be an idea for me to discuss the key points individually…
“Sorry, society does not want who we are, only what’s useful and acceptable to them.”
Well Anon, on some level I agree with you here. You’re right; society doesn’t really care about you or me personally. But then, who cares? In relation to you and me, society is a gigantic collection of people we mostly don’t know, will never meet and will never have a relationship with. In saying that “society only wants what’s useful and acceptable to them”, it sounds like you’re saying that you – you the real person – can’t be useful or acceptable to anyone. Or to society, as a whole. I think you’re selling yourself short. The constant feedback I receive through this site is that people like my writing for that very reason – I am myself. Not a show. Not an act. Not a performance. It seems that me being me – warts and all – seems to resonate with people. It seems that, on some level, “who I am” is useful to people. Amazing, I know. 
“To get on in life, to get the plasma, the ‘friends’, the money you have to be who you are not. It’s the only way.”
“You have to be who you are not”. Wow. Really? In order to succeed, we need to be frauds? That’s one seriously exhausting and unhealthy way to go through life. Fortunately, I never learned that along my journey. I think it’s a big mistake to assume that money, plasmas and ‘friends’ automatically equate to happiness or success. I’ve met some pretty miserable, lonely and desperate people existing right in the middle of a whole pile of…. success. Conversely, I’ve met some amazing people who are curiously happy and content in the middle of their apparent poverty.
“If it turns out we only have one life to live I would rather on the deathbed have these things than be individual and alone.”
Why does it need to be limited to those two options: have stuff or be alone? Here’s another option: have stuff, be yourself and be surrounded by family and friends who love the real you. The genuine you. It’s possible. Likely, even.
“Please others, have the surgery, sacrifice yourself.”
Good grief. Where would I even start with that?
“Do you want to be alone, because if you are not what others want that is what you will get. Get real.”
Personally, I would rather be authentic and alone than surrounded by people who only know and accept the pretend me. Fortunately, I don’t need to do that. Nobody does. I’m of the opinion that, if people only accept me because I serve some kind of purpose in their life or I happen to tick certain boxes, then they don’t deserve me. I’m worthy of more. We all are. The irony is that the last two words in your comment are “get real” when, what it sounds like you’re saying is: get fake.
Anon, thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts. You’re not alone in your thinking. In this case however, I think we will respectfully agree to disagree. And that’s okay. I think being you and being happy don’t need to operate in isolation. And being yourself doesn’t need to come at the expense of enjoying material things, popularity or acceptance.
* As always, I would love to hear your thoughts on this post. Even you I-never-comment types.
