Late Starter
I recently read an article about an “exceptional” woman who had just completed her first university degree at the ripe old age (there’s a term for discussion) of seventy-seven. While the story was interesting and the woman is indeed an inspiration, I wondered why a person doing some study and passing some exams would be reported in the newspaper. Was it newsworthy because of her age? If so, why? Are seventy-seven year-olds stupid? Do they not have a capacity to learn, grow, improve, adapt and develop new skills?
Don’t get me wrong, I think she should be congratulated on her achievement but I also think it’s a pity that, as a community, we have such low expectations of our seventy-seven year-olds that when one of them does something which millions of other people do every year, we’re surprised. Could it be that she’s not (in fact) exceptional but rather a normal, capable, intelligent student who happens to be older than her classmates?
There’s a thought.
The Age Rules
Perhaps her choices, behaviours and outcomes were exceptional (compared with others in her age group) but why do we make age an issue? If an eighteen year-old can successfully attend college, why can’t our senior citizens? I’ll tell you why (thanks for asking), because you and I live in a world where we are judged, pigeon-holed and ruled by age. And, no, these are not always written rules but they are rules nonetheless. Powerful rules.
Growing up, many of us were taught that age should dictate certain choices and behaviours. Old people bowl. Young people surf. Old people stay at home. Young people attend college. Old people let their brains turn into mush. Young people learn.
Such self-limiting crap.
The Value of Being Inappropriate
We have age-based rules about when we should retire. Who we should date. Or not date. When we should study. When we should stop playing sport. What type of car we should drive. What music we should listen to. What we should do with our money. When we should get married. How we should exercise. And dress. And socialise. In fact, we have a range of rules about age-appropriate behaviours. And if there’s one thing I love, it’s being inappropriate. Some people are age-appropriate all the way to misery, boredom and under-achievement. How unnecessary.
Of course, I’m not so naïve and optimistic as to suggest that age should never influence thinking or decisions but as a professional people watcher, it’s my observation that many people allow themselves to be determined (as opposed to influenced) by their chronological age.
A Dirty Little Secret
Sadly, in our culture, age is much more than a number. Much more than a tally of accumulated years on the planet. It’s a statement. A label. An anchor. An expectation. A limitation. A barrier. A determinant. A dirty little secret. Something to be lied about. In fact, it’s the thing people lie about most. What does that tell you?
Notice how when the media is describing someone, they will invariably mention the person’s age (“the forty-one year-old lawyer crashed his car into…”), even when age has absolutely nothing to do with the story, the event or the situation. Why don’t they say “the blue-eyed lawyer”? Or, “the kind-of-short lawyer”? Or, “the somewhat-smelly lawyer”? Or maybe even, “the egotistical and insecure lawyer”? All of those labels are just as relevant as age and definitely more amusing!
Old Young People
Over my journey I’ve met young eighty year-olds and old forty year-olds. So have you. In real terms, age (as we experience it) is more about decisions, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours than it is years. For the most part, age means whatever we decide it means.
Yes, we all age physiologically (of course) and with that comes certain consequences, challenges and realities. However, many people (perhaps the majority) seem to arrive at a certain figure (fifty, sixty, seventy… forty) and overnight they become old. They step into old-age like a farmer steps into cow shit. They act old (because that’s the rule, the belief or the expectation) and not long after, they are old.
What a waste.
Imagine living in a world where there was no record of birthdays. A world where nobody knew how old anyone was. Ever. What would we all do? How would we act? How would we know what to wear? Or drive? Or listen to? How would we know what was appropriate? How would we evaluate people without knowing their age?
Maybe the world would fall apart and mankind would perish?
Or not. 
Love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Especially love to hear from you old people. 
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Love it!! I am definitely an inappropriate 45 year old……
and I think the joy of being 40 plus is that you really don’t care what other people think of you anymore, so that sort of frees you up to be who or what you want. Rock on 80!!
I work in a team where most of the people are in their 20′s. I always saw myself as the similar to them, not noticing the age difference (I’ m in my early 40′s). I became bewildered as to why I was being left out of social situations, until I had the sudden realisation that they did not see me as one of their group because of my age. I instantly felt like the old lady and remembered what my view of a 40 something was at their age.
Although it was a tough pill to swallow I hold no resentment towards their attitude as they are just acting subconciously to societies norm.
Interesting to read. So very appropriate. So to the point. I would really like the world you described.
Hey Craig!
My birth certificate claims I was born in 1949. That makes me 17 years old.
My youngest son is getting married in November so today I started looking for something to wear on the big day. My dear hubby pointed out a dress in a shop window. Without even stopping to think, I said “That looks like something a sixty year old wou………oh… ummm…. ” !!! Just for the record, there’s no way I would wear it, no matter who thought I should !
I have a niece who has a wonderful theory on ageing. She says time is non-existent. Everyone ages at their own rate, but time in itself simply does not exist. She explains it better than I can, but I get it… and I agree ! I’m still seventeen…..
{{HUG}}
Tina
Geez… since I’ll be 66 in 5 months, I guess I have to answer as an old person, huh?. (I only feel my age when my knees or hips hurt, actually.)
In Southern California, land of the thin-hip-young, I think I’m mostly invisible – people see someone female, fat. grey-haired, driving a Prius. Sometimes a curse, sometimes not.
I wish I had taken more risks when I was younger and so, as I get older, I try to keep encouraging myself to keep on taking risks – not easy. I have a few regrets about decisions I made (or were talked into) before I was 45.
I wish I hadn’t gotten married when I was 21 – but spent lots more time on my own, getting more independent and developing more self confidence. (I was raised during a time when it was considered unnatural to not get married by the time you were 23 or 24 – Father Knows Best and all that sh*t.)
I wish I’d been younger than 48 to be free of an unhappy, life-choking marriage (ha! there’s that need for self confidence!).
Some unusual circumstances allowed me, when I was in my early 30′s, to drive across the United States in a VW bug (corner to corner) three times – on my own – sightseeing, visiting friends, and I loved every minute. At the time it didn’t dawn on me that I was actively seeking solitude and independence (naive, ignorant, I guess). I didn’t think driving 3,500 miles one-way on my own was anything special until, during those trips, I had both men and women say “you’re alone????”
For about 15 years, I’ve had more and more grey-hair that I wear long and won’t dye (I earned it!). My face apparently looks younger than my actual age (genes and soap and moisturizer) – people usually seem surprised to learn I’m almost 66 – sometimes that’s a curse, sometimes not. My voice apparently sounds much younger which can also be a curse (I work from home – telecommute – and hate it when some egotistical 40-something male executive condescendingly calls me “honey”) – and sometimes not. (I’ve had several flattering comments about my voice over the years – this past week, a client said he loves calling me, loves my voice and I should consider radio or commercial voice-overs – wow!).
Now that I’ve been on my own for 17 years, I’m grateful for what I’ve learned, the wisdom that sometimes comes popping up that I didn’t know I had (thank you God!) – and I like almost everything about myself. I would like to be the weight I was in high school – is that asking too much? I was athletic, active, played lots of sports (they didn’t have Title IX then – if you don’t know about Title IX – then Google it) – never thought about my weight, ate healthy without thinking about it, ate what I wanted, when I wanted, and didn’t have those size 0 f*cking stupid magazine models – who look like their legs are sticks (sorry if any of you are reading this) – affecting me or the boys who hunkered around my hour-glass size 10-12 figure. (I will always have hips, folks, no matter what my weight).
I read and absorb Craig Harper’s posts like he’s water and I’ve been parched for years. I am learning and re-learning about motivation (doesn’t exist) and habits — I wish I had the courage (and money) to take this fat body to a gym every day and find a personal trainer who wants to perform a miracle I think could happen. I guess for now, money’s the issue – I have little. But I know there’s still a size 10 inside this old lady’s body, with hips, of course.
Whew… enough philosophy this early on my Sunday.
Cheers and hugs.
Hi,
I have two sets of parents because of a divorce. Both couples are in their 70′s and 80′s. One couple seems extremely old and the other doesn’t. The old ones talk constantly about being old and the past and the other couple is totally involved in life They volunteer, play music ‘gigs’, and have rental houses which they have to keep up. They talk about the next thing they have plans to do and it is fun to be around them. Unfortunately they have neglected their physical health and have physical limitations. I know they definitely regret not taking better care of themselves. It’s too bad because they are really engaged in life. Even with their health problems they don’t seem elderly.
I think the article is swell and very true. I’ve met an 8 year-old who was so pessimistic he almost bummed me out. On the flip side, I’ve met 80 year-olds who are alert, lively and involved in the world.
Just got off the phone to my 99 year old grandfather, his mind is sharper than anyone else I’ve ever met. He’s always upbeat, loves a good argument and is great fun to talk to. It’s just his body that’s packing in.
I am 57 and terrified of getting to be an old woman. I am able to do everything myself now, but the thought of not being independent and relying on others for help scares me.Makes me feel quite depresssed.
Hi Guys. Thanks for your input. Fascinating stuff.
Christina from Southern California, re your comments:
“I wish I had the courage (and money) to take this fat body to a gym every day and find a personal trainer who wants to perform a miracle I think could happen. I guess for now, money’s the issue – I have little.”
You don’t need a gym, money, a trainer or a miracle. You need YOU, a plan and some total comittment. I will cheer you on. Here’s my suggestion (prescription) for you: walk for sixty minutes each day for the next two weeks (don’t over-think – just DO) and then let me know how you’re going. We’ll figure it out from there. Enjoy.
I have a motto that I’ve lived by for years and years…..
“You don’t grow old by having birthdays”
Have a good day
x Nicole
Ahem, what’s wrong with birthdays? What’s wrong with celebrating the moment you, or I, arrived on the planet? You know, you’re only as old as you think or feel – that’s my motto and now, a week away from my 35th birthday, I feel like I’m in my early 20s again only this time, I have some age-associated wisdom behind me!
Mignon, it is not necessarily like that, yes i’m not over 60 but I work with them and it is all about attitude.
I had the privilege of recently iving in a remote Aboriginal community with the Yolgnu people in Nth East Arnhem Land. When asked for my thoughts on what I had learned, I said that I had been reminded of the importance and preciousness of wisdom and life experience that comes with age. The young people listen to, learn from and model themselves on their elders. Elders are treated like gold. Sadly in our maintstream societies (esp the corporate world) we treat older people like they are past it, have nothing more to provide and the devastating reality is that it is harder for older people to find employment. What a waste! We should learn from the Yolgnu people that we need to respect the older members of our community and understand that they hold the stories and experiences of the past from which we can learn alot.
PS I am a very, very young 40 year old!
There are a couple of things that bother me about old age. Losing my job and losing my independence. Society still doesn’t like hiring “old people”. As for my independence, well I watch too many old folk not looking after themselves, losing fitness, losing strength and losing their health – those things for them are not a priority. They are often the ones that want the govt to pay for everything and do everything for them.
I run and weight train heavy and have done so for the last 25-30 years and don’t intend to stop. I actively patrol my health. One thing that brought it home for me – apart from watching my mother and FIL go to pieces, was going in to have my knee scraped about 2-3 years ago and having people treat me like I didn’t have the strength to sit up in bed! Core strength for stability and balance is so neglected. Then there are the skinny fat young ones who diet themselves (and don’t exercise, don’t do physical work and don’t get enough sunshine) into all sorts of ailments including osteoporosis and poor metabolisms just because they model themselves on all manner of unhealthy images portrayed in magazines.
Hi Craig, Wow! here’s one for cheeky ‘Ole’ me! Did my (hospital based training) nursing whilst running a household with kids AND petulant hubby whilst studying and attending night classes for my Higher School Certificate during my mid 30s. During my 40s road a Yamaha 350 around most of Europe and south to Greece. I then rented an apartment, got an office job and a car, all during a 12mth overseas holiday; so forfeited my return ticket and stayed in Athens (alone) for the next six years. As 50 approached and with 3 grandkids in OZ, I bit the bullet and repatriated to Melbourne. Whilst managing an office I studied part-time for 7 years at LaTrobe University and gained my BA. After two years of research, I published an Australian Pioneer Airman’s biography and have continued to take oversea strips by myself. I’m retired??? nowadays, haha, and have umpteen interests and voluntary community involvlements, committees, and so on. I love my computer and all the stuff it enables me to do. I’ll be 70 next year but am only 68 for a month or so yet. The body tells me that I’m not as young as my mind and heart, but no way do I want to give in or up for a second. I’m proud of who I am, what I’ve done and looking forward to what I’ll do as long as I have breath. DO YOU THINK IT’S MAYBE A HABIT? HAHA. Craig has been a super inspiration when I’ve needed it and long may he reign as King of the get-off-your-butts and be honest brigade. You can do anything, if you want to enough! Thanks for the opportunity to boast and be thankful, you hunky dude you Craig Harper.
The point that jumped out at me Craig was your comment about the media reporting age etc.I totally agree. I have also questioned why a persons occupation is relevant to a news story? It seems to me that the media usually only mention a persons occupation when they deem that we (society) will see it as an occupation of “importance”. The example that you gave labelled age, but interestingly you made no comment about the relevance of the label of the occupation of a Lawyer being mentioned.
Are we as a society placing more significance on a person’s worth by what they do, rather than who they are?
I haven’t seen too many stories that a homeless person crashed his car etc….? What does that say about us……..
I was thinking about thos quite hard last week… Because people think I am older than I am.
I thought long and hard about it with my trainer, and we came to a conclusion. It’s about my presentation. The clothes I wear, the car I drive, how I speak and how I carry myself. The watch on my arm, and the brand name on my shoes. Apparently those things are generally associated with someone 5 years older than myself.
I am 25 years old. People often assume I am 30. My age is (mostly) associated with people in their first real job after uni, travelling the world and pissing their money away.
Instead, I chose to build my own house, buy a nice car, and find a good paying job after uni. And that makes me seem older, more established, or some other nonsense.
It’s strange. But they don’t think I’m older in a bad way. In fact, I often get praised because I’m young and established myself quickly…
Still, strange scenario when everyone is SO surprised by my age when I feel so immature in my own head sometimes!!
Love the article…..I am one of those people who DO lie about their age…. as I dont think it matters to anyone what age I am.. so i stopped counting at 39. If everyone keeps telling me its just a number… why cant I pick a number I like? Having another birthday should be a celebration of another year of living… not another year of counting!!
Being 40-something does come with benefits though and the main one seems to be a self-confidence that includes not really caring what other people think of you anymore… although I was fortunate enough to gain this confidence at 39!
Bring on the birthday celebrations… without counting the candles!!
Great post, Craig. I am perpetually frustrated by the limitations people put on themselves and others, especially when it comes to age. In the past we had a client in one of our fitness programs call me distressed to say “I’m too old for this class. Everyone is young, and I am at least 10 years older than everyone there. I shouldn’t be there.” She was shocked when I pointed out that actually a number of participants were the same age as her and she was only 2 years older than the fitness trainer! Hopefully she no longer puts limitations on herself and recognises that age is a state of mind.
Great perspective. I think the whole concept of time is intriguing…see The Secret Pulse of Time or Deepak Chopra for some insight. We humans love to measure things…age, wealth, benchmarking etc. So pointless. It’s just a shame we don’t start our journey with a head full of wisdom >> the world would be so much more enlightened…but perhaps thats part of the challenge
Where is the tipping point that the expectations and age curve intersects? When does our potential start to diminish…according to society norms? when and why do we view ourselves as old?
…And when you find that place, the one where we get to “just be” and are accepted accordingly without fear or favour, regardlesss of age, race or religion, gender or sexual persuasion…do let us know! I heard there was such a place at Tidal River a week ago and amazing things happened
or maybe that place does exist – in our head and we just have to choose to live there !
Thanks for another thought provoking start to the week !
W.
Love this article.
Being 39 and turning 40 next month its very timely. I tell everyone that I am turning 40 and am very proud of it too. I am fit, happy, well and excited about life. I see exercise kind of like superannuation. It’s my investment in me to enable me to be well whilst growing older and to live a decent quality of life.
Happy Monday everyone!
I turned 60 earlier this year and I simply refuse to believe what people seem to expect because of it.
I have just renewed my gym membership and go every morning at 6am. I have also joined Weight Watchers and I’m losing weight gradually. It was the need for this that spurred me into find Craig’s motivational site! I have been dying my hair in an attempt not to look old – encouraged by my husband who said he didn’t feel old enough to have a grey-haired wife (he is bald with white edges). I have now decided that I am going to let my hair return to its natural colour and “be myself”. I’ve been offered to increase from 3 days a week to full time work next year and I’m going to do it – it’ll be great fun. I have also joined a community orchestra and taken my violin out of its case for the first time in 20 years – I think this “growing old” lark is pretty good! Oh, and this is the first time I’ve ever posted a comment on a blog site!!!
Nice debut Liz
Great ideas from Craig and all comments! Thanks for sharing!
I’ve got just one point about the age: it helps me in order to put a baseline. My mini -mini-minimum is 150 years of extremely healthy and active life. And now in my 22 I have an idea on my mind that every day of my life is a piece of 150 years of total happiness. I like taking care of myself: eating healthy and with pleasure, sleeping enough and using essential oils for my skin and mood. I’m thinking about years as a treasure of wisdom.
Social attitude towards age is a normal part of stereotyping. It helps us to make judgments extremely fast. If U have Ur own view on it U just have fun looking on those who are planning their retirement. Life is not about retirement at all!
Take a good care of yourself! Cheers!
4 weeks ago I participated in a White Collar Boxing event, stepped into the ring for the first time after particpating in a 12 week boxing program (only female amongst 18 men) fought a girl less than half my age and half a head taller than me, got knocked down but got up again!!! lost the bout but loved every minute and am planning my revenge…I usually have to think about how old I am when someone asks as I feel like I am in my 30′S not late 40′s. I ‘ve worked in the corporate sector, been a freelancer, worked with kids and teens with disabilities became a personal trainer at 42 after playing sport my whole life and realising how much I love being active and how great it feels to be there to help others reach their potential and realise their goals. I have always lived by the saying, “don’t be held back by someone else’s opinion of you, life is yours, Go get It!
p.s. just one thing to mention…I wasn’t brave enough tell my mother that I was fighting..she just wouldn’t get it…but that’s nothing new! :0)
I’m 62 and started the C25K running program when I was 60, participated in my first fun run at 61. I came 1st in my age group – but there were only 2 of us! Joined a gym about 6 months ago. I am fitter and healthier than I have been for years – decided to lose weight when I was about 58 and shed 30 odd kgs. Sadly, I am being made redundant. Funny life isn’t it? I am choosing to believe that new doors will open and that the next phase of my life will be wonderful.
I just turned 25 and I struggle with ageism constantly. This might seem ‘backwards’ to the rest of the commenters here, but it’s just as relevant.
At work and in life, people assume that I have no life experience, that I couldn’t possibly understand their “grown up” lives and that I have had everything handed to me. They couldn’t be more wrong. I grew up early because of a difficult childhood living in poverty with a mentally ill single parent, I work harder than most people I know (started my first business at 12 so I could buy my own lunch), I have high expectations of myself and I have studied many complex topics at a university level and beyond (but with no fancy papers to prove it). Yet, still, my experience and expertise are constantly under scrutiny because of my chronological age, instead of what I can actually do. It’s frustrating to be dismissed and patronized simply because I’m young! I just want others to understand the other side of the coin… I hope you all know how damaging it can feel to be consistently underminded and ‘punished’ for being under 30. Seriously.
I’m now happily married, running my own freelance communications business and enrolled in university this September. It’s funny how marriage and a piece of paper somehow says (to some people) that I’m a real human being who is worth listening to!
HI Craig,
I guess I’ve never seen age as a barrier but more life’s situations they have caused barriers. Being in the wrong relationship, coping with an illness or accident,being unemployed.
I think we all try to do what we believe is right for us at the time at any age. Our age shouldn’t be used as a barrier but as guidance of how much we have learnt ,grown and how much more we can do.
Here’s a story with a great answer to the typical question that meets older people learning something completely new: “But what’s it FOR?”
(From the Macquarie Uni newsletter a few months back).
Macquarie University PhD student Joan O’Brien plans to complete her PhD before she turns 90.
This mother of one, grandmother of seven and soon to be great-grandmother, has overcome many obstacles in her 87 years to become a successful solicitor, student and community worker.
O’Brien was first married in December 1941 but lost her husband in the war exactly a year later, before giving birth to their son the following February. As she was to be the sole support of her son she decided to become a lawyer and commenced a course of private study through the Supreme Court Solicitor’s Admission Board.
‘Many of my friends thought I was crazy to do law as it was regarded as a profession for men only, they thought it would be better for me to get a real job!” explains O’Brien. “There were very few women lawyers at this time and law firms were reluctant to employ women as article clerks or solicitors.”
After completing her exams in 1945, O’Brien had to wait until she had served the required period of practical experience before she could become a lawyer. She was admitted as a solicitor in 1949. After returning from an overseas trip the following year she was approached by an old friend to join an expanding suburban practice and remained with the firm as a solicitor until she semi-retired in 1965.
After a one-year retirement, a friend of O’Brien’s suggested she join the staff of what was to become the new Macquarie University.
She became a legal assistant to one of the two Deputy Vice-Chancellors. “At that stage the University was still on the drawing board in North Sydney,” says O’Brien.
O’Brien saw the University administration move from North Sydney, to Epping Road and finally to the new campus. “After the building program was completed and staff were recruited, the University was finally ready to accept students,” O’Brien says. “At morning tea one day someone said ‘We’ve been with this from the word dot, why don’t we become students?’ Everyone thought it was a huge joke, but I thought why not?”
This ‘joke’ was just the start of O’Brien’s academic career. After being a member of Macquarie’s first graduating class, she went on to complete an MA at Sydney University and returned to her alma mater last year to commence her PhD.
During her Masters study O’Brien was able to interview the niece of Ada Evans, the first law graduate in New South Wales. It was during the anniversary marking the centenary of Evans’ qualification in 2002 that O’Brien was invited to celebrate the occasion at Macquarie University. It was this invitation and the memory of Ada Evans that sparked Joan’s interest in doing a PhD on the topic ‘History of Women Lawyers in the first century 1902 – 2002’.
So what is O’Brien hoping to gain from her PhD? “Nothing really! It will just be the satisfaction of having done it,” she says. “I have always told my grandchildren if there is anything they want to do in life, just do it. Don’t ever be put off. BUT you have to be MAD (Motivation, Application and Dedication). There is nothing you can’t do if you really want to do it.”
For further information please contact O’Brien’s supervisor Professor Rosalind Croucher: rosalind.croucher@mq.edu.au
http://www.quietime.peperonity.com