Sheila H in South Carolina

Late last year I found myself in the same place. I blamed stress from work and a couple of romantic rejections, and I was unhappy, felt unworthy and was sitting at a soft and uncomfortable 74kg. Only 10kg away from my goal weight, but a world away from how I wanted to feel. But this time a couple of things changed.

First, I’d taken up karate a couple of years before and the motivation to drop the weight, add some muscle and strength and get fitter was because my lack of it was holding me back in my karate .. and I like to compete in tournaments – and win! But just the normal training sessions were more of a labour than I wanted. Previously it was pure vanity that drove me to lose weight .. to look good. This time it was more about function and health.

Second, I went to see a psychologist to help me address this one demon that caused me to self-sabotage and procrastinate and shut myself away when the chips were down. My lack of self-worth. Because logically I could tell myself I was worthy (and I thought I believed it!), but the demon sat underneath – in my feelings – and I couldn’t seem to reach it to change it. She helped immensely. Just 6 sessions and we identified the causes and also validated how some experiences (a not-so-great marriage) had contributed to the issue. From the way I’ve felt all this year and how I continue to feel – which is content, grounded, peaceful, happy and comfortable in the belief (and feeling) that I am just ME .. and that is enough – I think I’ve beaten this demon.

In terms of my weight loss, in the past I’ve always finished 2-3kgs off my goal weight .. wanting to get back to “normal”, and completely depleted of motivation and tenacity to do any more. This time, I dropped the weight – and the closer I got to my goal of 18% bodyfat (and the more I was getting my head together at the same time), the FASTER the weight dropped off. All of a sudden I was there. Still with energy, enthusiasm and drive to burn and at a bit of a loss as to “what now”. NOT somewhere I’ve been before, but an amazing feeliing. Have competed in 2 karate tournaments since then, taking out the gold medal at both for kumite (fighting) in my division – including 2 head kicks that scored (which I’m still stoked about).

Since then my diet hasn’t been great, but hasn’t been crap either. My training has been limited to karate – which is still very good exercise. But more than anything, my head is in the right place and my weight fluctuates by only about 2kg. Now with another regional tournament coming up next month, the World Cup in Melbourne in August (both of which I’m competing in) and turning 40 in a couple of weeks, I’m totally inspired to kick things off again and go even further with my fitness, health, speed, strength and flexibility. And with no significant amount of weight to lose as a goal, it feels like an amazing “starting point”.

So don’t ever give up. Look at trying something different. Try to get to the bottom of WHY you self-sabotage – how do you REALLY feel about yourself and where did that come from? And if you’re like me, look for a reason beyond vanity or “just because” of why you want to drop the weight.

Hope this helps a bit!

Suz
( )

I’m guessing non-negotiable behaviours and daily commitments must be the answer and not giving up entirely if we disappoint ourselves for a day. And while others may not struggle with this, this is my struggle until I put over a year of consistency together and it’s not an issue!

Pip

I still read your articles, they are great!

I do believe in hard work, – do work hard and am a committed say employee/person like I’m sure many others are.

My biggest personal thing I unfortunately haven’t managed to suss yet is stopping self sabotage. I know how to get in shape, do awesome when on track making terrific fast progress in fitness/aerobic/strength gains and fat/weight loss! I love the process, don’t feel deprived and am not overly strict/what I do is very livable myself and others consider, (although I do seem to want more alcohol when I’m uninterested in junk food so that’s something to work on/, the addiction swap thing!)

I’ve done it many times, and most recently again. Tomorrow I’m leaving to go on a holiday which I have been excited about for months! I didn’t want to get in shape just for the holiday, (would love it to be forever)! But I used it as an incentive when I made the decision for the holiday last year. I aimed to be under 68kg and have skinfolds totalling under 100mm by then. A month ago I reached 68.4kg, when I was 70.2kg 2 weeks prior skinfolds were 115mm so they would have been near 100mm. Oh so close! Took photos, was very excited, felt great! Then have been ‘on/off since but crept into low 70kg range. But the last 10 days have been extremely bad, the internal urges to binge/low self esteem came pouring in. Then lots of stuff annoyed me, and have had many big binges, (getting back on track tomorrow but so pissed off with myself!). The reality is I’m at least very minimum 76kg, my uncomfy podgy love handles have returned and I’m sprawling out of my clothes feeling uncomfy as I threw away my bigger ones once again believing……………..this would be the time! May have to buy a couple of bigger garments just for the holiday which I’ve been excited about for months!!!

This very same struggle has gone on for as long as I can remember, – losing and regaining with a few fluctuations here and there the same 20 odd kilos every 18 months or so and just stopping short of targets I set and sabotaging! So over it!!! I’ve tried to stop talking about it as it’s repetitive, my prob and boring to others I’m sure. I do try to help others! I’m particularly disgusted in myself this time after doing different still sabotaging bad by giving into mental urges for lengthly severe binge eating. I also need to do better in general self control!

Not sure what I want to achieve by writing this! Maybe others will experience similar things and realise they are not alone. I haven’t got the money to spend on lots of treatments or anything and still think it’s only up to me. I’m sure this isn’t a life sentence but would just love to get in shape/stay in shape/progress and never enter binge/sabotage mindset! I have another chance as I have a holiday in November where I’m a bridesmaid. I am incredibly distraught the day before my holiday instead of as totally excited as I was a month back! I just shoot myself in the foot! Lock me in jail without a credit card and only portioned ideal foods at set times and a fitness instructor for a year when I get close to target maybe to stop the sabotaging!!!!!

Otherwise, – all good!

Jules