Was That About Me?
So it seems that Monday’s post pushed a few buttons and resonated with many of you. I received several “did you write that article just for me?” (type) emails and the answer to all those people is yes; just for you 
. Apparently the “I’m-not-good-enough” syndrome is alive and well and still robbing people of their potential triumphs, their amazing life-lessons and a whole new world of fulfillment, happiness, personal growth and self-improvement. In short, their best life.
The ”Something” We Should Be Doing
The truth is that on some level, in some situations, at some stage of our journey, we all feel (or have felt) unworthy, inept, unqualified, not smart enough, talented enough, good enough… and so on. Some people more so and some less, but the experience is universal and without exception. And another example of our mind and emotions getting in the way of our potential. The experience of feeling that way doesn’t speak of our ineptitude, our lack of ability or our potential value to the world, but rather of our humanity, our self-esteem, our self-talk, our overall mindset, our self-created reality and our self-imposed limitations. It also speaks of the ability we have to self-sabotage, to be controlled by fear, to rationalize mediocrity, to waste our incredible and largely unexplored potential and to talk ourselves into… doing nothing. Or more accurately, avoiding the “something” we should be doing. If we want to find a way (reason, excuse, explanation) to keep doing nothing, we’ll find it. Easily and quickly. And we’ll make it sound very legitimate. It’s what we do. We can make any self-preserving, fear-based crap sound logical and rational when we really want to. I should know, I’ve done it. So have you. But the good news is that we all (yep, you too) have the potential to do incredible, beautiful and life-changing things when we find a reason and way – rather than an excuse.
Exploring the Percentages
I have never met one person who doesn’t have the ability - in some way, shape or form - to do good for, or to impact positively on, the lives of others. That is, to selflessly invest (time, energy, love, care, money, attention, education) in some way, into helping other people create better results in their world. As I said on Monday, for the most part, helping people in a meaningful way is five percent about ability and ninety five percent about availability.
The Simple Questions
The notions of not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, lovable enough – and so on – are essentially destructive, self-pitying and pointless. And wrong. The only place that those ideas (of inadequacy) have any power is in our head. And sadly, too many of us have handed over that power long ago (time to change that). While many people are obsessing about what they are not, what they don’t have and what they can’t do, their more 
enlightened (not to be confused with more capable) counterparts are simply asking better questions, embracing better behaviours, doing what they need to do (not necessarily want to do) and “being the change”. Having a positive impact in the lives of others doesn’t need to be complex, difficult or dramatic and sometimes the simplest questions like “what can I do” or “how can I help” will open a door to the most incredible and fulfilling chapter of our lives. When we invest our energy into “finding a way” rather than “finding an excuse” things start to happen. Or more accurately, we make them happen.
So how do we do it?
So how do we move from self-ish to self-less and from power-less to power-ful? Easy; lose the ego. Stop getting in your own way. Be prepared to fail sometimes (although there are no failures, only experiences). Don’t seek perfection, seek improvement. Be prepared to look silly and deal with embarrassment (welcome to my world!). Be prepared for rejection (stop being a big baby, it’s part of the human experience) and be prepared to get uncomfortable often (it’s where the real growth and the important lessons live). Stop driving down the easy route and stop looking for “safe”. Stop hoping for universal approval and acceptance (it ain’t coming). Stop waiting for some cosmic sign and stop absorbing information that you don’t act on. Like this article for example.
Er, hello?
Making a difference in the lives of others and creating genuine shift in your own life has almost nothing to do with how much potential you have been born with and everything to do with how much of that gift you will use. Give me the person who has less talent, less education, and less skill – but more courage, more commitment, more discipline and a better attitude than the majority and THAT is the person I want on my team.
Wanna be on my team?
P.S. Don’t forget our Melbourne Meet-Up is only two Saturdays away… Marlo’s Cafe, 268 Centre rd. Bentleigh @ 11.00am. See you there for a coffee and a chat.
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Hi Craig, I want to be on your team! I have one question for you, any chance of paying my air fair to Melbourne so I can meet for a coffe and chat. Im in England !!!!! he he.
As always, except for those times that you fail miserable, well said. Just kidding, I haven’t seen any failures on your part. Since you are as human as I am, I know there have been failures on your part. How? Because you are honest enough to say so. I like that about you.
Some of us want to hide from failures, so we don’t try. That is the biggest failure that I can imagine. I don’t have failures in my life. I have challenges and I have lessons to learn from. One of my inspirations is Thomas Edison, a great American inventor. He did poorly in school. He had many many more inventions that didn’t work than he had inventions that did work. Yet, he kept going until he succeeded. That is what life is about—the journey, not the destination.
Thanks for sharing your honesty and wisdom with me.
Hey Craig, I want to be on your team !!! I want to come for coffee and a chat as well!!! I will have to check to see how much it will cost me to come there cause it don’t look like I’ll be getting my wish for you to come here anytime soon. Still waiting to cook for you in SC,
Great post today…take care, hope to see you soon Craig.
Sheila H. in SC
Hi Craig – nice wrap up from Monday.
So, I told you I’m launching my counselling/life coach business….
People are starting to come to me for help with their issues. And so I’ve started offering one on one sessions with people who are clearly struggling with weight loss and the emotional mindfield that goes along with it. Having finally finding awareness of some of my long standing issues around my own weight battles, I have been able to shed over 20kgs and am now ‘living’ the healthy, active and fulfilling life I have always wanted.
(I’m not charging people yet, but that’s OK. I’m happy to give a little of myself to create the ripple effect…..and I have little doubt that it will lead me to greater things)
My passion has always been women’s health and so the focus of my business will be towards helping women (and men if they happen to come my way) overcome their issues surrounding weight so they too can shed the kilos and keep them off.
I am sooooo excited about being able to help others and in doing so, I know it will continue to help me. Thank you for your posts. They truly do make such a different to people’s lives (especially mine!).
hugs, Nic
Hi Craig,
“The notions of not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, lovable enough – and so on – are essentially destructive, self-pitying and pointless.”
Geez Louise! Don’t hold back, Oh Wise One.
My heart skipped a beat when I read that one. Because you’re right. Again.
Opting out of life, avoiding risks and wallowing in one’s shortcomings and doubts is indeed selfish and cowardly. How cosy and safe to let everyone else risk mistakes, embarrassment, rebukes and emotional pain whilst the ‘low self-esteemers’ watch from their safe little bubbles.
Well no more for this little black duck! I’m coming out of my metaphorical shell, baby!
Be warned, you may feel the shockwaves all the way in Melbourne.
Christina xxx
(Sydney)
Hi Craig,
Yes I was one of those self obsessed ones that whilst I knew you didnt write the last article (mon) for me I really took it on board.
So true I have procrastinated on helping people as a coach and then other week I was wingeing (very out of characters for me) and realised I train over 5 girls, 3 guys for free a week on top of my full time role which I can not maintain, nor afford to do.. as much as I love it.
For me this is not about weight but I believe anyone can obtain the life they want and rebuild.. I believe in the natural/spiritual laws and know in my heart of hearts anything is possible… Anyway enough CHIT CHAT … your post resinated with me ACTION and for the first time in my life I got over myself and was able to step on stage in full lycra (two years ago I said I would never wear bike pants)… and pump out the beats… GOD i love RPM . I can not explain what happens in my heart when I do this.. it is such a gift and for the first time I feel like I understand LOVE … ..but like you said I remember my first RPM lesson I taught and my coach said KATE was that YOGA? now if you know anything about RPM it is the opposite..its intense.
If i had my greatest dream it would be just to help people I get off on this.. not because I am a good person it just turns me on!
Bring on the next Launch!
Kate
So I can’t be on your ‘team’ as I have an education?
A couple of quotes to embellish your wise counsel Craig.
“People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.Love them anyway.
If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives.Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies.Succeed anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.Do good
anyway.
Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.Be honest and
transparent anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.Build anyway.
People who really want help may attack you if you help them.Help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt.Give the world your best anyway.”
Mother Teresa
The famous author William Blake once said that if the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.
“Ability has nothing to do with opportunity.”
-Napoleon Bonaparte
“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.”
-Malcolm Forbes
* Koketsu ni irazunba koji o ezu.
* Literally: If you do not enter the tiger’s cave, you will not catch its cub.
* Meaning: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Once upon a time a post like this would have reduced me to tears because I used to feel this stuff everyday and it is debilitating. Nowadays I choose to be mindful. For me I find when those thoughts come up (which is rare these days) being mindful in what I am doing is the key to ignoring them and not giving them any energy. Distracting your mind with something else is also good or wearing an ipod to drown out the internal chatter. I used to write in a journal how I felt and it is good to get the stuff out of your head and try to analyze where it comes from. Then challenge them and see that these thoughts have no merit. Most of all though I don’t believe those things anymore. I am good enough just the way I am. Sure there needs to be some fine tuning on my body but I am still a good enough person just as I am. It has taken a lifetime to believe it but I really do. Perfection is an illusion.
As Dory from Finding Nemo would say: Just keep Swimming!
( )
Jacqui
WIll be there for a tea & a chat.
Moroooore……..
“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” Mark Twain.
“Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.” Frank Herbert
‘I have learned silence from the talkative,
tolerance from the intolerant
and kindness from the unkind.
I should not be ungrateful to those teachers.’ Kahlil Gibran
Hi Matt. Nice try. I’ll get back to you.
You’re welcome Patricia…
Hi Sheila H – is SC South Carolina?
That trip might make it an expensive coffee for you! We’ll meet one day I’m sure
If you ever decide to fly to the Land Down Under for a RYL experience – I’ll give you the program for free…. now THAT is a deal 
You’re always welcome Nic – keep doing what you need to. The important thing is to make yourself available – so you’re half way there.
Enjoy
“Well no more for this little black duck! I’m coming out of my metaphorical shell, baby!”
Shouldn’t part two of that metaphor been something about feathers or wings Christina?
x
That’s it Kate – now I wanna do RPM!
Yeah, we’ll let you on the team Michael – even with your education
Aaah Littlejohn… you never disappoint.
Not me anyway.
Thanks
I look for to the tea and chat Jacqui
( )
Craig, can we ‘workshop’/'brainstorm’ the Team Amazing concept at the Melb RYL meet-up? [stop avoiding it, will you!] We could have Team Member of the month awards based on what ‘amazing’ thing you’ve achieved, overcome in a 28 day period.
Bossy Jules is making a re-appearance
I just had a thought while reading this post.
I wonder if, we, who suffer from the ‘I’m not good enough” dis-ease, are guilty of, conciously or unconciously, judging others? Sizing people up or down on our limited scale of what we percieve to be right or wrong, in or out, cool or not cool etc
And therefore, at that moment we decide to step-out or step-up, that same voice of judgment pipes up and starts to judge our own motives and compares our actions with that of someone we have previosly judged to be right/wrong etc, stopping us dead in our tracks?
We all know it’s wrong to judge people but that doesn’t mean it never happens.
Successful people don’t seem to give a toss what others think. They get an idea/inspiration and just do it.
From now on I will priase everyone I meet (in my head and heart).and just get on with the show.
Coffee in Bentleigh? What will I wear………
Are you dissin my metaphor, Craig? I may be a city girl but the last time I checked, ducks came from eggs (or was it eggs came from ducks?). One has to figuratively emerge from one’s shell before one can figuratively spread one’s wings.
Great. Now I’m bored with my own metaphor. Pfft. Sorry.
Christina xxx
Anything is possible if you buy me cheesecake Jules…
Wear something warm Jaine!
Christina…. pfft
x
It’s a deal. Your cheesecake is my shout
Jules
Anytime Craig!
Hi Craig,
I still read your articles, they are great!
I do believe in hard work, – do work hard and am a committed say employee/person like I’m sure many others are.
My biggest personal thing I unfortunately haven’t managed to suss yet is stopping self sabotage. I know how to get in shape, do awesome when on track making terrific fast progress in fitness/aerobic/strength gains and fat/weight loss! I love the process, don’t feel deprived and am not overly strict/what I do is very livable myself and others consider, (although I do seem to want more alcohol when I’m uninterested in junk food so that’s something to work on/, the addiction swap thing!)
I’ve done it many times, and most recently again. Tomorrow I’m leaving to go on a holiday which I have been excited about for months! I didn’t want to get in shape just for the holiday, (would love it to be forever)! But I used it as an incentive when I made the decision for the holiday last year. I aimed to be under 68kg and have skinfolds totalling under 100mm by then. A month ago I reached 68.4kg, when I was 70.2kg 2 weeks prior skinfolds were 115mm so they would have been near 100mm. Oh so close! Took photos, was very excited, felt great! Then have been ‘on/off since but crept into low 70kg range. But the last 10 days have been extremely bad, the internal urges to binge/low self esteem came pouring in. Then lots of stuff annoyed me, and have had many big binges, (getting back on track tomorrow but so pissed off with myself!). The reality is I’m at least very minimum 76kg, my uncomfy podgy love handles have returned and I’m sprawling out of my clothes feeling uncomfy as I threw away my bigger ones once again believing……………..this would be the time! May have to buy a couple of bigger garments just for the holiday which I’ve been excited about for months!!!
This very same struggle has gone on for as long as I can remember, – losing and regaining with a few fluctuations here and there the same 20 odd kilos every 18 months or so and just stopping short of targets I set and sabotaging! So over it!!! I’ve tried to stop talking about it as it’s repetitive, my prob and boring to others I’m sure. I do try to help others! I’m particularly disgusted in myself this time after doing different still sabotaging bad by giving into mental urges for lengthly severe binge eating. I also need to do better in general self control!
Not sure what I want to achieve by writing this! Maybe others will experience similar things and realise they are not alone. I haven’t got the money to spend on lots of treatments or anything and still think it’s only up to me. I’m sure this isn’t a life sentence but would just love to get in shape/stay in shape/progress and never enter binge/sabotage mindset! I have another chance as I have a holiday in November where I’m a bridesmaid. I am incredibly distraught the day before my holiday instead of as totally excited as I was a month back! I just shoot myself in the foot! Lock me in jail without a credit card and only portioned ideal foods at set times and a fitness instructor for a year when I get close to target maybe to stop the sabotaging!!!!!
Otherwise, – all good!
As for the above post, I realise many have many worse problems or struggles!
I’m guessing non-negotiable behaviours and daily commitments must be the answer and not giving up entirely if we disappoint ourselves for a day. And while others may not struggle with this, this is my struggle until I put over a year of consistency together and it’s not an issue!
Pip
Pip, your story sounds quite familiar to my own … allowing the weight to creep on through self-sabotage, low self-esteem and generally not really giving a shit about myself .. or at least saying that, but underneath screaming that I wanted so much better for myself. Oh, I could turn it on and lose the weight – and feel inspired, motivated and generally good about myself and life during the process – but then stop. And go backwards again.
Late last year I found myself in the same place. I blamed stress from work and a couple of romantic rejections, and I was unhappy, felt unworthy and was sitting at a soft and uncomfortable 74kg. Only 10kg away from my goal weight, but a world away from how I wanted to feel. But this time a couple of things changed.
First, I’d taken up karate a couple of years before and the motivation to drop the weight, add some muscle and strength and get fitter was because my lack of it was holding me back in my karate .. and I like to compete in tournaments – and win! But just the normal training sessions were more of a labour than I wanted. Previously it was pure vanity that drove me to lose weight .. to look good. This time it was more about function and health.
Second, I went to see a psychologist to help me address this one demon that caused me to self-sabotage and procrastinate and shut myself away when the chips were down. My lack of self-worth. Because logically I could tell myself I was worthy (and I thought I believed it!), but the demon sat underneath – in my feelings – and I couldn’t seem to reach it to change it. She helped immensely. Just 6 sessions and we identified the causes and also validated how some experiences (a not-so-great marriage) had contributed to the issue. From the way I’ve felt all this year and how I continue to feel – which is content, grounded, peaceful, happy and comfortable in the belief (and feeling) that I am just ME .. and that is enough – I think I’ve beaten this demon.
In terms of my weight loss, in the past I’ve always finished 2-3kgs off my goal weight .. wanting to get back to “normal”, and completely depleted of motivation and tenacity to do any more. This time, I dropped the weight – and the closer I got to my goal of 18% bodyfat (and the more I was getting my head together at the same time), the FASTER the weight dropped off. All of a sudden I was there. Still with energy, enthusiasm and drive to burn and at a bit of a loss as to “what now”. NOT somewhere I’ve been before, but an amazing feeliing. Have competed in 2 karate tournaments since then, taking out the gold medal at both for kumite (fighting) in my division – including 2 head kicks that scored (which I’m still stoked about).
Since then my diet hasn’t been great, but hasn’t been crap either. My training has been limited to karate – which is still very good exercise. But more than anything, my head is in the right place and my weight fluctuates by only about 2kg. Now with another regional tournament coming up next month, the World Cup in Melbourne in August (both of which I’m competing in) and turning 40 in a couple of weeks, I’m totally inspired to kick things off again and go even further with my fitness, health, speed, strength and flexibility. And with no significant amount of weight to lose as a goal, it feels like an amazing “starting point”.
So don’t ever give up. Look at trying something different. Try to get to the bottom of WHY you self-sabotage – how do you REALLY feel about yourself and where did that come from? And if you’re like me, look for a reason beyond vanity or “just because” of why you want to drop the weight.
Hope this helps a bit!
Suz
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Thank you very much for your kind comment Suza and congratulations on your great achievements! I will keep you all posted occasionally on doings this way!
Yes Craig…it is South Carolina and yes I do hope we’ll meet one day. I will make it over there one day and I’ll take you up on the free program offer and I am sure it IS a DEAL!! I can hardly wait….I know it will all be a very rewarding experience for me. Take care Craig and I’ll see you soon.
Sheila H in South Carolina
I love your style. You are a realist. You remind me of my father. The mind is powerful and it can sabotage us with misleading and false information. We are powerful and worthy human beings. We can accomplish anything. Thanks