We had some fun with this last time, so let’s give it another run…
If you and I sat down to have a coffee (herbal tea, water) and you could only ask me one question (any question), what would it be? Today, I thought I’d let you, my readers, steer the conversation. While I’m happy to answer almost any question, keep in mind that I can’t prescribe anything for anyone (individually) but I can share my general thoughts, beliefs, opinions and ideas on almost anything. Your questions can be serious or fun. Personal or professional. Psychological, physiological or philosophical. Having said that, I’d rather avoid questions that would require long, wordy, time-consuming answers. Questions which can be answered relatively briefly, and might be relevant and/or of interest to other readers, will be high on my list. I’m not sure how many I’ll get through but I’ll do my best. And yes, I’ll be totally honest with my answers.
Ask away! 
I will give away some free stuff (randomly) to five of our question-askers.
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{ 265 comments… read them below or add one }
Ok I will start. Why do you go on about not being married? I personally don’t care nor am fascinated by one’s sexuality, but to share and justify why you are not to me reinforces that one has to explain so one will not be thought as gay. With apologies to those who are hateful or believe god does hate gays, I cannot understand why one thinks not being married equals being gay. Being gay is fine but with marriage rates going down no one should justify why they are or are not married, to me to explain it to someone is an invasion of privacy. It is not about prescribing what should be discussed on this blog, more the notion that in the 21st Century one has to disclose one’s choices to fend off rumour, when really one’s choices about being partnered in any form or not is not anyone’s business.
Hi Michael.
Thanks for your question. I think the vast majority of what I write about isn’t about my marital status but the reason I have discussed it at times is because I am questioned on it in person or via email very (very) often. Daily, in fact. I am in no way anti-marriage – my parents have been quite good at it for fifty one years.
I love what you have to say about being single Craig. I am as well and often feel the pressure to justify it to others and myself.
I couldn’t resist… Mind If i comment? Don’t be ruled by someone else’s desire to be attached
I’m happily married 10 years and envy some of my single friends. Rather have an awkward moment than justify yourself… You’re not the one with the issue 
does how you loose weight ie slowly or rapid make an impact on how much excess skin you are left with when ur at healthy weight? Say if u need to loose 100kg..?
Hi Mandy.
As a rule, the slower the weight loss the better but anyone needing to lose 100 kg will have excess skin once the weight is gone. Things like age, genetics, hydration levels and lifestlye habits will also play a role.
I have a question regarding weights – not the fat kind – the strong kind
If you were an oldish woman person – which you are clearly not – and you loved doing weights – which you clearly do which of the following types of training do you think are most beneficial for you;
Lifting weights that are on the edge of your ability but you are able to do lots of reps and can do them most days without drama and you get muscle development of the not spectacular kind but the OK kind OR
Weights that really test your strength but you cant do so many reps and it takes all day to recover from muscle fatigue and you get trigger points and sore bits that slow your training down for the week.
Neither type produces DOMS though but should they?
If I could ask a second question which I cannot it would be – Have you ever found a problem with heart rate disturbances and too few carbs in the diet.
OK I could not decide which question to ask but you can decide which you might like to answer if either
Chebbieanne
Personally, I would go heavy-ish weights (with good form) every other day and I wouldn’t suggest an old-ish woman do weights daily. In answer to your illegal second question – no – and that’s relevant to me as I have a arrhythmia and enlarged heart.
Thank you very much for answering my question and mega thanks for answering the illegal one.
Phar Lap (champion race horse) had a big heart too just like you
Hi Craig,
?
What a fantastic opportunity! How many times a day do you tell yourself how awesome you are (in a kinda humble way
Michael.
Hmm… to be honest, almost never, but I do acknowledge when I do something well.
That is a different Michael but agree why not say I’m awesome
What do you think of luck?
I think it’s a human construct created to rationalise, explain and justify certain events and outcomes.
This feels a bit like Truth, Dare or Torture…. For you anyway! Can you please tell me if fat turns to muscle – I mean how is muscle made? I’m asking this because I want to lose 7% body fat and want to know if a combination of weight training and high impact cardio is the best way to get results (in your knowledgeable opinion). I do have personal questions too..but someone else will probably ask them. Wanna ask me one?
Hi Nikki.
Fat can’t turn into muscle (like wood can’t turn into steel) but people will often lose muscle and gain fat at the same time. And yes, weights and intense cardio can be a good combo IF you’ve been cleared to get your HR that high.
Can we still ask away??
Would you reckon through half hour of HIIT cardio 4 or 5 times a week followed by some weights (2×5 exercises x 20 reps) one could loose 25kg in a year? If you eat mostly clean?
I am so sick of trying to loose it with dieting… I’d rather get a year from now actually achieved it than thinking a diet will work in 3 months
My short answer/opinion would be no. I tihnk you’re going ot have to change your attitude to dieting – sorry good eating!
How do you deal with parents that constantly bicker and snap at each other?
You can’t change them, but you can change you – so, options may include:
- leaving home
- working with a good therapist
- assertiveness training
Any of which may or may not help, but at least something’s in your control then which (don’t know about you) to me feels better.
Hey Craig!
When’s your next coffee get together in Melbourne? That’s my question!
{{HUG}} Tina
Hi Tina – when would you like one?
Well let’s see… if it’s brunch-ish time, there’s this coming Saturday the 10th, then I’ll be in New Zealand for a week so after that, the 24th would be OK or probably any Saturday or Sunday after that. But if it was an evening get together, pretty well any time other than 11th to 18th or 25th. Got a very important appointment on the evening of the 25th… just turned 4 yr old granddaughter’s dance concert… can’t miss that!
Craig,
I’ve been wanting to ask this question for the longest time and here’s my chance!
My best friend has confided in me about a serious relationship issue and I answered her candidly and truthfully (as she requested)
Something along the lines of “if he doesn’t make you happy anymore then you have to consider all your options and leave? or live with your unhappiness if it’s something that you cannot change”
In short, this answer made her very unhappy and now she has not confided in me since
Was I wrong to tell the truth or did my honest response cause me to lose a friend?
Best Regards,
Candypoetrygirl
Hi Candypoetrygirl
Hard to know but I think you need to chat to your best friend. Soon.
Do you ever feel deprived in an effort to stay fit and at a healthy weight? and if not how do you do it? and if yes how do you keep from wanting to eat things you shouldn’t, and be lazy instead of active? I know about all the motivation you talk about and making the right decisions and that it’s our life our decision. But sometimes don’t you wish you didn’t have to, and could be one of those people that can eat and eat and not put on a pound? I know this is more than one question but if I said “do you feel deprived….etc, you would just say yes or no and I want to know why and how.
Silvia – feeling deprived is about the relationship we have (or don’t have) with food. As long as food is our lover, our friend, our safety net or our drug, we will always feel deprived (in certain situations).
These days, I honestly never feel deprived, so eating the way I need to (to stay in shape) requires virtually no discipline or motivation. When I was fat, food was never my problem – I was my problem (if you know what I mean).
Hi Craig. If we sat down for our herbal tea and I said I’m struggling to maintain in important areas – food (struggling to overcome sweet tooth / chocolate addiction), regular exercise, going to bed between 10 & 10.30 (my aim; but I do some of my best thinking and working between then & 2am – for about 30 years!). I don’t smoke, do drugs or drink alcohol (except very special occasions & even then not fussed). I love change & variety in all sorts of other areas & can work hard & be persistent to help others reach their goals. My question is: where’s the best/most beneficial place to start & is there something you can suggest other than ‘Just do it’ for consistency? (sorry… that might be two questions!) J x
Can I jump onto your question Josephine? That is my question to you Craig – where do you start and keep going?
Hi Joesphine and Anon
I would start by picking one ‘do-able’ thing (new behaviour) in each of the following areas – food, lifestyle, exercise – and maintain it for one week. Each week (or maybe fortnight) thereafter, add one new behaviour in each area. Turn down the emotion and turn up the strategy and logic.
Hello,
My question is as follows:
I have a daughter that is having a hard time in school with her grades. We have talked and talked to her about the importance of learning how to study and do her homework to succeed in school.
As of this question she still does not get it, she is reluctant to talk after school classes due to her peers and what they might think of her.
How do we and her teachers get through to her that succeeding in school is more important then being popular?
I believe this is a national problem and some how needs to be addressed.
Thank you for your time.
what is the key to happiness ?
Gail. I don’t know that there’s a single key but here are a few thoughts/suggestions:
1. Let go of that which makes you unhappy (Buddhism 101)
2. Control your controllables.
3. Invest your emotional energy where you’ll get the best return.
4. Do a Treasure Hunt on your life and find an attitude of grattitude.
5. Don’t be selfish.
6. Don’t compromise your beliefs or values.
7. Don’t seek validation or approval.
8. Focus more on mental, emotional and spiritual wealth than money.
… just to get you started…
Craig you are sincere and provide a lot of common sense to your readers. Thank You
What do you think of the motivational industry ? Is it not similar to the diet industry?
Brian – great question. I’m not a big fan of much of what takes place under the banner of ‘personal development’ but I do my best to operate with integrity, honesty and transparency – which is (partly) why I provide a large online resource like this for free with no hooks, catches or agendas. If my readers never spend one cent at me-dot-com, I’m still more than happy to have them as part of our cyber-family. There are some great people in this field and some shockers (an Aussie term).
Ohhhh how TEMPTING!!!!! Sooooo this weight loss stuff…you’ve told me lots. Commitment is what pulls you through when motivation fails, set your “not negotiables” and adhere, don’t eat cheesecake, just fucking exercise yada yada. So does it all just come down to this one thing that seems to slap us upside the head a bit….DISCIPLINE. Is it all just that????
PG
Discipline helps (at times) but I don’t think it will be the key for most people (over the journey) because most of us can’t be ‘disciplined’ all the time. The key is to make the (relevant and desirable) behaviours normal and automatic habits that are executed without the need for daily discipline.
Thank you, Craig. So that sounds like “start doing the relevant and desirable stuff, apply discipline to keep you on track with those behaviours, and keep doing it till it happens normally and automatically”….hmmm, ok, makes so much fucking sense. Also been reading all the others comments – you make so much sense. Thanks for sharing your insights!!! PG xox
What is your go to breakfast food when you’re in a hurry and need something to fuel your day?
HI Christine.
2 Oat Brits, 60 grams of rolled oats, 20 grams of unprocessed bran, 300 ml of skim milk.
Or
100 grams of oats, 1 banana and 300 ml of skim milk.
Or
50 grams of raw almonds, mixed through 200 grams of fruit yoghurt.
Why is it so difficult to not just make a change, but to maintain it? Either with losing weight, fitness, eating right or in other areas of our lives?
Hi Steve. Because while our external behaviours have termporarily changed, our internal default setting tends to remain largely unchanged. People change their behaviour while they’re motivated (a temporary emotional state) but when the motivation fades, so too do the (life-changing) behaviours and therefore, the results.
Lasting change must work from the inside-out.
You talked about leaving your job to pursue your teaching; but still had income coming in. Not all of us have that option – do you have some ideas for getting over the fear of not having a regular pay check?
Debbie.
Stepping from one career into another is often a bit of an exhausting juggling act. More often than not, people will begin working part-time in their preferred field (often at night or on weekends) while still fulfilling their income producing non-preferred role in some way. There’s generally no simple or quick answer but it’s usually worth the pain when you eventually transition from a job to a passion.
Can I make a comment here too please Craig? Hi Debbie, I left a lucrative consulting job to pursue my passion to help others in what I felt was a more personal and meaningful way – because of legislative changes and administrative bungling it took me longer to get where I wanted to be than originally planned. I used to make in a day what I sometimes now earn in a month. I’m a single mother with a mortgage (and lots of other bills). And apart from occasionally struggling financially I wouldn’t go back and change it. I’ve learnt to ask people if I can delay or breakdown payments and I don’t think a single person, business or institution has said “No” to me (maybe I should have gone into sales!
). Occasionally I feel anxious and then I remind myself that I’ve been self-employed 20 years (last month). I LOVE what I do. Even the extra tough days. I wish I could apply to my weightloss challenge (what I think you said somewhere else Craig?) – if you want something badly enough you will find a way to make it happen. And if you do something you love as your ‘job’ it’s not really like ‘work’ at all. All the best.
In current times there appears to be a trend with people (in particular younger men) that have had a loss of identity. what do you think it is to be a man?
Great question Phil… I’ll get back to this…
Craig
If you have a pattern of conitnuely working on yourself that its tiring you out that you can’t seam to crack/stop/ move beyond what would you do?
Possibly connect with someone (friend, mentor, pscyhologist, coach) who can help you (1) gain a fresh perspective (2) de-emotionalise the process (3) create a practical (and do-able) action plan and (4) be accountable.
Am I game to ask a question?
Craig can you throw some light on the idea of stress.? Stress that you put yourself under for long enough that eventually shows out as health issues. (how stress hides behind other symptoms and it creeps up on ya.)
Hi Annie
I’ve written a few posts on stress (you can do a search) but it’s fair to say that in general terms, stress as we experience it, tends to be more about our personal (internal) reality and response to the events of our external world, than anything else.
“In my world, things only have the meaning (power, influence) I give them.”
Hi Craig, I hate to say it but you are right again, and I thank you so much, you have alerted me to the ditch I fall into on occasions…… I know it is getting less but THANKS. I am now making better decisions and getting out and doing what I want, not what I should!!
Keep up the good work.
Hi Craig
What are you thoughts about meditation and yoga? Do you use these techniques?
Totally over-rated, Ginny.
Just kidding.
I think they can both be valuable additions to any overall wellness program and no, I don’t use them as much as I should! My ‘meditation’ tends to involve music or exercise or both. And while I’m being completely honest, my flexibility is total crap so I really should do some yoga…
Been telling you that for years, Mr H!! Hehe
Well it has been quiet on this cyberspace so far so I thought I’d kick it off – and thanks Craig for the opportunity.
Craig I am in my late 50′s around 5’6″ and weigh around 69kg, work out at the gym x3 per week (1 hr sessions) doing mostly cardio but also including some weights, swim once a week and try and get in two 35min walks a week. Here’s the thing – when I started this 8 months ago I lost 1kg and since then my BMI has improved slightly and there has been a small decline in my overall measurements but my fat around my waistline just won’t alter – can I expect that this will not change due to age? My diet is pretty regimented but I do like my sweets and will have a handful in the evening as my partner hands them to me – I kind of feel it is my “right” to a sweet treat. What do you think?
Marci – a handful of sweets each night when you’re trying to lose weight? Depending on how big the hand is, that could easily add up to 2,000 calories or more (of mostly sugar) per week. If your goal is to lose weight, ditch the lollies for a month and see what happens. If your goal is to be relatively heathy and functional without dropping weight, keep up the exercise and the sweets.
Also, keep in mind that sugar creates an insulin response – which puts your body in a fat-storing state.
I’m 56, average weight, try to get to the gym twice a week. Supposedly there are no stupid questions so I’m going to ask! Is it possible to get rid of flab? Or is it just age and I’ll have to put up with it? I don’t need to lose weight but none of the gym programs I’ve ever had have helped tone it up/away.
Yes, it’s possible Sherry – obviously age and genetics play a role but other than those two, results will typically come down to diet, lifestyle and exercise variables. Bodies are very adaptable – at any age.
Hi Everyone. I apologise for my late start – we had a problem with our server but it’s all good now so I’ll start working my way through some questions. I’ll keep chipping away through the day so feel free to check back in from time to time.
What does your daily diet and exercise consist of?
Hi Deb A…. generally, five to six small meals of similar size and calorie content. Each meal would be (ballpark) 300-500 cals. I don’t eat sugar, salt, bread, processed foods, etc. At the moment, I tend to eat lots of nuts, seeds, oats, chicken, tuna, vegetables, low-GI rice and pasta.
Hi Craig. I am a clinical hypnotheraoist soecialising in behavioural changes in the area if weight (fat) loss and overalk,health and welkbeing. My,question is…how do refrain from givibg someone a good shake and not show your frustration and maintain professionalism when you have people (sometimes the people) asking the same limiting questions day in and dayout and can’t recognise the obvious and will not educate themselves. Instead they buy into media,and advertising and want quick fixes. Thanks Craig. Have a great Melbourne Cup Day. X
Hi Debstar – from the start I tell people that I’m not the ‘answer’ to their problems. I’m a resource who will be as valuable or worthless as they make me (in their change process). The only person who can change their life – is them. All I can do is provide direction, advice, education and feedback and they’ll either do something with the information or they won’t.
I will do my best and then let go.
Hi Craig – Does this dress make me look fat?
Jane. No but the Ugg boots are a little tacky.
If you suspect (pretty sure!) you have a psychological block of sorts to moving forward wiht projects, weight loss, whatever. You know its holding you back…yet you can’t get over it. Everytime you start to move forward the resistance comes out to ‘protect’ you. What can you do to rid yourself of this?
Smart 770
Dont give yourself a safety net or an escape clause.
Harps … I want to flatten my pot(ish) belly.
what do you reckon would be the go? (…and don’t say “stop eating so much ya fat bastard … I’ve got mates that tell me that here!)
Hi Dag.
Learn to activate your TVA – google it, brother.
I think you got a lot of people to google that one, Craig
Out of all the athletes and general gym goers who do you think has the best physique in terms of aesthetics and function?
Soph.
In very general terms, any athlete or gym goer who has a relatively high level of strength, power, speed, aerobic endurance, muscular endurance, flexibility, balance and co-ordination. Martial artists tend to tick a lot of those boxes.
Is pain physical, mental, emotional or all 3 combined? Can one be a payoff to the other and then become a habit or justification to keep it going?
Hi Estelle. We can experience pain on all three levels and they do impact one another. If have underlying emotional or mental issues that make your physical pain somehow advantageous it can block you from being able to deal with it. This is called secondary gain. If it is more powerful that the gain from letting the pain go it won’t release.
Hi Craig
So you’ve had your heart broken….but its two years on on after working on yourself both emotionally and physically you’re finally feeling good/great even! But you’re lonely – and you know that desperate is so not sexy right! My question is – how do you let go of the desperation of wanting to share yourself with someone and the fear of not meeting ‘your person’?
You’re awesome all by yourself. Forget about meeting someone and focus on doing other things that make you happy. Chances are, that when you are happy in yourself without having someone “special”, someone special will come along and you share the happiness you already have rather than needing that person to build your happiness on.
Being desperate to find someone probably isn’t a good start to a relationship.
Hi Kerri,
In y experience personally, and with clients, getting comfortable, and then happy being alone is key. You will be stuck in desperation until you let yourself enjoy life single. Then the possibilities of a solid, healthy, relationship can open up for you.
and Kerri,
In my experience, you can be in a relationship and still feel Alone,
I agree with Brian and Leah
Be SOMEONE who makes you happy
Don’t be WITH SOMEONE to make you happy
Leah, Brian and Nikki
How AWESOME of you to share your insights. Sincerely thank you!!
I think Nikki’s comment sums up all your advice perfectly – Be SOMEONE who makes you happy
What a wonderful range of questions! and answers.
Craig, thank you for the opportunity to get a personalised answer.
I am fairly competitive, and love a short challenge (e.g. your 10 day challenge previously, or the Oxfam trailwalker with some friends a few years ago) but I do not have the determination and organisation to continue translate this to an ongoing weight-loss & need to lose 10-20 kg at 55 yrs old. Is there a technique/idea/program you can suggest would help? or am I just being lazy and need to acknowledge it?
Fran – you sound like you’re in need of some structure, organisation and accountability – a non-negotiable process. You might do well with a trainer, coach or training partner.
Start by walking each day, even if it is 10 minutes. I have lost 36 kg (55 year old) over 5 years just by making this one initial change. And make it non-negiable. All the best
Hi Craig,
My mum is renowned for being a hard worker and doesn’t socialise, she lives for her children and her saying is ‘one day’. What can I say to her that will make her change her outlook and enjoy life more rather than it will happen one day
Hi Milly’s mum
Are you sure she’s unhappy with her life?
If you’re sure then you are in the perfect place to help. If I had a daughter who cared as you do then anything that daughter did for me would be welcome.
Some of the things I’d like would be for someone to make me a cuppa for no reason, maybe make a card with an IOU on it for doing her dishes for a month, or how about an empty box full of hugs and kisses from the people she cares most about tied up with a big ribbon with a note on it saying to open as needed.
I wouldn’t be too worried about her not going out as I’m a homebody and (dare I admit it?) a ‘yes’ person who will babysit the grandchildren at a second’s notice.
Hope this helps in a small way.
Hugs to you for being so caring.
Suu xxoo
Some great questions so far.
What are your thoughts on the quick fix?
Personally I have found improvement for almost everything comes from patience, persistence and consistency.
However, for health, well being, fitness, strength, happiness, spirituality etc is a quick fix (be it potion, powder, spiritual healer…) ok to get over a bump or a plateau in what is otherwise good progress towards a goal or goals?
Dragon – I hate our collective obsession with the quick fix. It’s unhealthy (on lots of levels) and certain dirtbags with a different moral code to you and I will prey on some people’s desperate desire for a magic pill.
Having said that, sometimes (not all the time) a running start (like an eight-week body transformation program, for example) can be a nice physical and emotional springboard to some long-term changes.
Lately I have slipped back into the binge eating I used to do when I was extremely overweight. I know its either stress or boredom related. Can you suggest an “in the moment” strategy that would stop me from making that decision to buy and/or eat what I know isn’t good for me? (Other than asking myself if its good for me, because invariably I just think it is at that moment).
The rest of the time, I really am doing well nutritionally and exercise wise.
Thanks.
Okay, I guess no answer means not a worthy question? Sorry, I was just needing something for a stop button while I’m trying to get the head stuff worked out.
Hi Gayle
Craig talks about “delaying tactics” on this issue – he did a post on it a while back…distract yourself with something else and then at the end of that “thing” (a bath, a cup of tea, a walk around the block, paint your nails, do some crafting or whatever fun stuff you love doing), see if you REALLY still want it. If you do, try another delaying tactic and set a time limit on it – 15 mins etc and in that time, you could do a bit of positive self talk to yourself. In the super market, I say to myself, “I know that stuff makes me feel like crap. I don’t eat that stuff. No, I don’t want that stuff” and try and play little self-talk games with myself. Also, my counseller has suggested that in those times I make those bad decisions about food, which I know is contrary to my goal, to stop myself (before I buy the food, before I eat the food) and just SIT with the emotions behind this bad food choice. Say to myself, “Why am I doing this eating thing which is contrary to my goal?” “What are these emotions?” Am I feeling lonely? Sad? left out? angry? What emotions am I trying to eat? And then experience the emotion – and work and WHY I’ve triggered it and acknowledge that food won’t fix that emotion. GOOD LUCK. I binge too and it’s bloody hard. But there’s lots of good advice on this post!!!! xox
Thanks PG, I will print this out. Much appreciated.
My pleasure, darlin. I’m still a porker, but it helps a lot of the time and therefore I think I could be even porkier, therefore baby steps are working! lol!
Keep going….you can do it!!!! xo
Gayle,
Here’s a little mind game I like to play. It keeps me constantly amused and overrides the binge thoughts, for me anyway! Ok, so you have a list of foods that you ‘choose’ not to eat- so foods that you definitely want to avoid (1), and into that list put foods that you want to avoid but that you don’t eat much of
anyway(2). So for me, eg: some items on my list are chocolate, except 15 minutes on Easter Sunday, and Vanilla Slices(1) and crumbed fish and pies (2). So when I meet a Vanilla Slice that I like, I tell my mind that I’ve ‘chosen’ not to eat a pies and crumbed fish for the last however long it has been, and now I ‘choose’ not to eat the Vanilla Slice as well. I’m not telling my mind that I’m not ‘allowed’ to- simply that I’ve ‘chosen’ not to. I also don’t tell my mind that I wouldn’t have eaten pies and crumbed fish anyway. Once out of range of the Vanilla Slice, I can then laugh to myself about how easily I can manipulate my mind. Please feel free to try it!
Hi Gayle,
This is most certainly a worthy question and one that I have personally struggled to find the answer to for over 2 decades. I am a binge eater also, but I would like to think of myself as a recovering binge eater as I had a light-bulb “ahhh” sort of moment just recently that has really helped me! In a nutritional seminar I came to understand that food is JUST fuel for our bodies. Such a simple concept but one that I haven’t understood since I began eating my emotions when I was 8 years old. When I realised that the food I put into my body is what fuels it and helps it to work the way I need it to, I realised that my binging was massively abusive to my poor body as I was not only fuelling it with the wrong foods but I was also over-filling it and so my body had to work doubly hard but without the proper fuel.
I now find it much easier to overcome cravings to eat when I am emotional, bored, tired, happy, sad or just because I see something that looks delicious advertised on the tellie by asking myself “what nutritional value does this food hold?” Looking at a slice of cake, cookies, chocolate, chips, toastie etc and realising that it has absolutely NIL nutritional value in it and thinking about how it will slow down my wonderfully efficient body is a sure way to put me off!
I hope this helps you out. I know how hard binging can be to overcome but every good choice you make helps you to realise that you are in control of what fuel you put in your body and that you do not need food to medicate you or to bury your emotions because food is just fuel. Good luck with your daily goals to remain binge-free and here’s to making the best nutritional choices to fuel your body for optimal results!
Take care.
Love Twist xo
Thank you for sharing your strategy. If I think about it, my body is after all my greatest asset and just like I wouldn’t put dirty fuel in a new car – I guess I shouldn’t put rubbish in my body. This has really helped me
Good Day, Craig!
You said that statistically when people start their diets on Monday, they usually fail. Why is this? Many times I have wanted to start on a Monday, then remember what you said, then I get scared to start on Monday. Your thoughts?
Ruth
P.S. I live in the U.S. and I Love reading your blog.
Hi Ruth. It not about the day (as such) but rather people’s innability to keep doing what success demands over the long term. From a ‘changing your life forever’ perspective, the psychology of ‘diets’ is fundamentally flawed because they are all about short-term behavioural change.
Hi Ruth
My 2 cents worth is – if you want to start a diet start now. Not later, not tomorrow and not Monday
You can’t eat what’s not there so chuck the junk and turn your life around.
It’s not easy but it’s so doable. We all took years to learn how to perfect eating junk food, large portions, or things like drinking coffee or smoking. We did it till we were addicted to a habit.
It’s takes the same amount of time to unlearn a habit but don’t try to break it – instead replace it. Example: if you find yourself at the fridge or pantry. Take one step back, take a huge deep breath, and turn around. Don’t forget to pat yourself on the back. Reward without food and treat yourself to a bubble bath, or a walk in the park etc.
I hope this helps a little bit.
Hugs,
Suu
Hi Craig
why, statistically speaking, do people gain their weight back within 12 months of losing it?
Chrissey.
The simple answer is that (for a range of reasons) they stopped doing what worked. Different thinking leads to different choices, behaviours and results.
It’s a (largely) psychological issue with a physiological consequence.
What motorbike do you ride Craig?
Georgie – phew: something easy!
I have two:
1. Suzuki Bergman 650 scooter
2. Suzuki B-KIng 1400 (weapon).
You?
Our friendship is now rocky!!!
Mates dont let mates ride scooters!
Ian
But Ian… it’s a really large scooter; it’s almost manly.
Hi Craig,
My husband met you last week at one of your seminars and bought your book home – it’s sensational! I experienced a catalyst for change in my life nearly 5 years ago. To keep this short – this put me on a path of transformation, where I discovered many tools – Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, Brandon Bays – you get the drift. Fortunately, my husband came with me on the journey. I’ve always been the “go-to” girl for those in my inner circle. These days, I’m even more attractive to those friends and family who have “issues”. I don’t want to be that girl anymore – I have very little tolerance for people who whinge and don’t change what they’re doing. Do you have any words of wisdom that will help me to step back, be polite and empower them to take responsibility for their own lives without feeling like I’m not being supportive. (They all need to buy your book – by the way…). Thanks.
Hi Moira – refuse to have the same conversation with them (about the same issues) twice. Some people who always talk about their ‘stuff’ don’t actually want a solution – they want attention.
Thanks Craig. Good advice. We’re really enjoying your book. Maybe there will be some wrapped up under the Christmas tree for some ‘key’ people. I’ve already made a few referrals to your website. I’d like to come along and hear you speak somewhere in Brisbane sometime. My husband can’t get to go and not me!!
Hi Craig, mine would be business questions – so they would be different to what others are asking.
I’m not a business Guru Evan but feel free…
Hi Craig, I’m pretty averse to gurus of any kind.
The questions I would ask are:
If you were starting again what would you do differently?
What is the best business advice you were ever given?
Nominate the single piece of popular business advice that is complete tosh.
Hi Evan.
1. I would be very wary of any potential business partnership. 2. I would work on the business more and in it less. 3. I would create clear boundaries, rules and expectations (for my staff and associates) from day one – not day 1,762. 4. I would (typically) avoid employing any friends. 5. I would make the hard decisions sooner. 6. I would be more of a leader and less of a ‘friend’.
Best advice: (1) create a profile for yourself (in the media) and you’ll never pay for marketing, branding or advertising (2) don’t ‘hard sell’ anyone.
Tosh: (1) The bottom line is the bottom line (2) expansion is always success.
Thanks
This is GREAT succint business advice and also one I need to implement! I think this will go into my “Harper-isms” folder!!!
Well……I kinda was wondering of late about whether I needed to go speak to a person to sort out my relationship with food & wine (I did think of you & now look…….!!)
I often have conversations in my head “reasoning” over my food choices. Most times I KNOW what’s right but then I slip into “I can’t miss out on that!!!!” & “give me more, cos that was soooo yummy”. I’ve never managed to acknowledge that “full feeling” & I grew up with “eat everything off my plate”.
I used to be able to get away with my eating habits, as I am an exerciser. But this year I’ve had a few injury setbacks & that means really reining in on the eating behaviours…… but nooooooooooo!!! So instead of investing in several mumu’s in varying colours this summer……. do I just do as you suggested above about picking one thing to change & focus on it for a week or 2?
Fanks
Pet
xoxo
Any suggestions for improving ones feeling of self worth?
Hi Daffy.
1. Hang out with people who will drag you up (not down).
2. Acknowledge what you’re good at.
3. Do new things – challenge yourself. Face a fear.
Hi Craig,
I need to lose weight, and I feel that I finally have my diet sorted, and am very happy with the gym classes and workouts that I do. My question might accidentally be two:
Does exercise actually help you lose weight, or does it just make you feel good, tone up etc; and if it does help with weight loss, would you include swimming in a get fit/lose weight programme?
Hi Sue S. Yes it does and yes I would. The more variety, the better.
Thanks, Craig. I really appreciate you sharing your knowledge and experience with us.
Sue x
What do you use to motivate yourself on a daily basis?
Hi Kevin. The fact that I do what I love (write, speak, teach, learn) and enjoy a great lifestyle in a great environment helps keep me in a good ‘place’. Also, I have an ever-present attitude of grattitude – an awareness that I am priveleged to do what I do and live in the country I do.
Might sound cheesey but it’s totally true.
Hi Craig, what I have come to notice in ones quest for acheiving the whatever, is that the central them always seems to be the me or I. What do you think the value is in taking the emphasis off ones self and looking what we can do for others has on acheiving our own goals? For me I am slowly realising the more I think about my self and ask questions of myself (why cant I do this or that) the less I acheive or the less peace I find.
Aah JP – such a mature and wise question. That, my friend, is a significant spiritual insight (among other things). You observation is right; there’s a point where ‘healthy self-improvement’ becomes ‘unhealthy self-obsession.’ I think you’ve found that point.
As a rule, selfish people are miserable people. Why do you think I sit at my computer for hours on a public holiday and thoughtfully answer questions for people I’ll never meet?
Growth (of all kinds) happens when we give.
Thanks craig for responding it will be a change for the better to stop obsessing about myself, the years seem to go by and nothing changes. How about we put a challange out to your readers to do some random act of kindness once a day for a week?
JP
Great question and insight – helps me with where I am at currently.
Ian
G’day from me too
Similar to Kevin’s question – what makes you feel happiness?
(Tea, white with none thanks)
Suu
Suu – lots of things but helping someone face their fears and achieve new things floats my boat…
Cool.
I’m stealing this quote if that’s ok?
“I have an ever-present attitude of grattitude”
Suu – avagoodweek
Why do we do all the hard work, lose weight, gain fitness and then throw it all away again with bad eating habits that we know are all wrong. What makes us keep doing the yo-yo dieting. I’m sure there is a lot out there that are in the same boat.
Hi Diane – I hope you don’t mind if I jump in here?
We do what works and we do something to get a payoff.
That payoff can be very indepth but it could be as simple as we like the taste.
You hit the nail on the head with the word ‘habits’.
Change the habit (forever) to change the outcome (forever).
Learn the art of saying ‘No thankyou’. That works a treat
Have fun with it as well.
Cheers,
Suu
Hey Craig,
What’s your favourite book?
Thank you!
JC – I have squillions but here’s a few: I loved Blink, the 48 Laws of Power, the Brain that Changes Itself, Hector and the Search for Happiness….
Hi Craig,
often read your articles but have never contributed before.
my question is: what is the best form of exercise for an overweight, late 50s woman who has arthritis in her hips and dodgy knees from a car accident?
my doctor wants me to do exercise but a lot of what I have tried (group sessions in the great outdoors – toning, cardio, stuff and walking, etc.) causes pain – not just muscle soreness, but actual pain.
Hi Robyn – it will need to be a little trial and error but typically low or no-impact stuff works best (swim, bike, light weights, yoga, pilates)…
Hi Robyn, I am a late 50′s woman with chronic arthritis needing two knee replacements “osteo – just come back when you can’t stand the pain any longer and we will do the surgery” and also with hip pain – admittedly I am not overly overweight, but I joined one of those “women only” gyms for a trial, knowing all my health issues and working around them which is working out fine for me – I know my limits and the gym lady constantly works through new programmes with me to help me find things I can do and/or change – give it a go you might surprise yourself. PS I have been at it now for over 6 months and so far so good – and feel so much better!
Hi Craig, my question seemed to disappear ( will blame silly I thingy) anyway, just wanting to know what’s best for sore/ achy muscles after a hard workout? Particularly in the days following? I have tried Chinese massage ( good for then), Epsom salt bath ( ahhhh but need to climb out), and been told keep exercising ( great but then still feel bit sore later). What’s your thoughts? Thanks for giving up your public holiday for this.
Hi Tracey – I like walking, paddling or swimming in cold water (sea, lake, pool) for about ten to fifteen mins post exercise or taking a cold bath or shower for the same amount of time. It’s painful but it reduces inflammation well.
Or, you could sit in the fridge.
Brrrr, that would explain why the showers at the gym are SO cold and need almost 10 minutes to warm up for a couple of minutes of warmth. May keep the cold showers etc for summer. Thanks for your wisdom.
Hi Craig…I have one for ya. I spent all year training and planning for a big trek overseas. I did it with ease and can now mark it off my list. Problem is…I am less satisfied now than I was before, I learnt I can do anything I set my mind to, problem is what’s next??? What the hell is next?? Instead of feeling on top of the world after reaching my goal I feel empty n lost!!
Ah for F sake…finally reaching a big goal kinda sucks!
m also searching for the answer of same question. read many books to get it(especially eckhart tolle) but they all say life goes on, live for the moment, stay present, enjoy every moment n blah blah… yes it helps a bit but I feel by doing so we lose our competency. If people were satisfied with what IT IS, we would’ve been still living in the stone age with a false satisfaction that I’ve surrendered to the present moment with no resistance to my life situations. I don’t think anything in this world can satisfy us permanently. Then what’s the point. ok… I’m perplexed.. HELP.
Our hopes and desires occur in the here and now too Ashu. They are just as valid and have just as much meaning as our sensory experience in my (perhaps not so) humble opinion.
Don’t know Craig’s take on this stuff. Hope he doesn’t mind me butting in.
Hi Anon – I wrote a post called Destination Disappointment – it addresses this question…
Hi Craig
will your new book be out in time for christmas and will you be signing any copies
HI Lucinda no and yes. When it’s out (March-ish) I’ll sign one just for you
Thanks heaps
Hi Craig,
You say that you dont eat bread, I know that commercial white breads are just shit so I understand why you dont eat them
so why dont you eat any type of other bread?
“If” you, were to put on body fat at what percentage would healthy become unhealthy? knowing that the less fat the better or would it be where the fat is located that is more relevant.Eg: if 5% across the whole body is more healthy than 5% just around a blokes waist
Stephen
1. I could eat other breads (100% Rye and the like) but I seem to do better ‘bread-less’.
2. I like blokes to be less than 25% – pref in the 12-20 range
Hi Craig, everybody knows HOW to be healthy, everybody knows WHY they need to be healthy, everybody knows mindset, choice and internal dialogue determine your behaviour (towards health). What is the missing ingredient to to get people to take action?
Robbo – for most people it’s (often) fear.
When it comes to health, many of us are reactive – we wait until something breaks…
Also, we have an aversion to discomfort – which change often is
Wise words indeed – my dad at 52 couldn’t get life insurance his health was so bad – he took up cycling and now at 59 he looks (and feels) like a young man – he nearly had to die before he learnt to live!
Ive just started an AV company and my end client is a speaker of your league. Im doing some reaserch and just wandering what it is that is valuable to you from you AV company at your events?
Kane – personally, I look for:
Professionalism, great lapel mikes (I hate headsets), easy-to-use clickers (for presentations) and minimal drama.
Some great questions here. One that’s bugging me since I’ve achieved my weight loss goals (almost) and fitness is actually a part of my lifestyle now…….how do I really know if I can flatten the tummy area or if the ‘softness’ is the result of childbirth – so frustrating that I can feel my abs and they are strong, but not see them! Is it realistic to even aim for flat tummy (just want to see the result of my exercise efforts)?
Chris – see my reply to Dag
Whats your opinion on what really brings about change in a persons life?
two people, almost exactly the same one person finally decides to make a change the other just keeps talking about it.
What was it? one profound moment or a multitude of small ones?
Ben – it’s different for everyone. Sometimes it’s fear, sometimes it’s a shift in awareness, sometimes it’s education, sometimes it’s a (good or bad) experience…. sometimes we just reach our mental and emotional TIPPING POINT.
Hi Craig!
Just wondering, do you cook? If so, what is your favourite dish to cook up? If you don’t cook, what is the dish you ask your chef to make most often?
Isg1378 – I’m a single bloke so I cook all the time. I can’t go past a healthy chicken, veg, basmati rice stir-fry with a yummy low-salt sauce…
Boxers or Briefs?
Briefs – for function..
You talk frequently about the benefits of facing our fears – but how exactly does that help on a journey towards better health (physical, mental and emotional)? And which kinds of fears are we talking about? For example, I know I’m terrified of spiders, but I don’t understand how overcoming that fear will help me. Would it help? Or do I need to look for an “inner” fear. I find it hard to identify what I’m really afraid of and have even less of an idea how to face it.
Susie – Identify the thing that you know you should do – the thing that scares you – that you’re constantly avoiding and start there…
.
So Craig, did you manage any sidewalk motivation today?
I’ve retired Stacey
Hi Ben – you can call me Craigette (Craigette sounds like something additictive doesn’t it?)
The profound moment is often the impetus needed for many people for change. At the end of the day, what will keep people going is the multitude of small changes. The important thing is getting the first tiny step done and then continue on from there.
Hi Chris
It’s Craigette here again.
I am a qualified fitness Personal Trainer in Australia by the way. It can depend on how much weight you lost over what period of time. Forget about crunches etc for abs – you need to have body fat to certain levels before you see your abs. Diet is a huge factor in getting body fat % down. Hard to answer without knowing your history eg how long ago you had your baby, but Pilates type execises should help.
Hi Craig,
Life is all about the choices you make, and sadly, you can’t have the cake and eat it too.
My question is, how do you make decisions?
Many people would say, follow your heart. But, for example, would you give up a career with good income which you don’t really enjoy (but you get to enjoy what the money brings!), for something you have interest in but it would be so tough to break into the industry especially when everyone else started off when they were 3 years old, and you’re 30 years old (eg. playing piano)? Would you give up a nice place to live in, occassional nice dinners, holiday trips, shopping sprees, etc., would you give up all these so that you can have the chance of turning your interest into a career? Is it worth it??
Thanks
Aah Chloe – it all comes down to what you (personally) value most. People who most value financial security and predictability (for eg.) will invariably go the more ‘logical’ but (possibly) less rewarding and enjoyable route… which is why my BEST decision might be your WORST decision
Hi Robbo
Craigette is here again. COMFORT ZONE is a big issue. Nearly everyon can sustain change for the short term period. Once people leave their comfort zone, in a nutshell it is too hard and they revert back to their comfort zone again.
BABY STEPS are so important, as are non food rewards when the baby step goals are achieved.
Hi Everyone – great stuff so far. I’m heading off to Tassie for the day but I’ll answer some more questions as I have breaks…
That would be great Craig as I noticed that there are still a few of us waiting on your reply from yesterday.
)
Have a great day in Tassie
What is Craig Harper going to be doing in 25 years?
If you we’re a Super Hero who would you be and why?
My Super Power would be ‘Healing’ – the power to heal. Best Super Power EVER.
What would you say is your most annoying habit?
Craig, do i have to give up on my dreams? 2. I have a guy friend i like so much. How do i know i love him and he does too?
Craig, I heard your interview on 2gb whilst driving to work and had to ring the station to ask for the name of your book…exchange was interesting…..simple question What motivates you? I believe hormones play a part in if females had more testosterone we could keep up.
Cheers Susan
Susan – 1. exploring my potential and possibilities and improving (literally) with age 2. Empowering others to do the same
Hi Craig,
Thanks for joining me in a coffee (decaf capp, extra chocolate on top) I am thinking of becoming a Personal Trainer/Fitness Instructor at the tender age of 53 (good grief) I am fit and healthy and slim and have been into fitness and gyms for about 30 years.
Am I too old to get any work do you think? and is there enough work out there at the moment or is it getting flooded?
Hope you are enjoying your tea/coffee/water.
Prue
Prue – you will be ACE – get busy girl.
Prue! Google Lesley Maxwell. She is one fit, healthy inspirational, hot looking lady….she is 56 and proves that age is just a number.
I personally respond to older people in the fitness industry, who have walked the talk, so to speak. Good luck
Do you think your “gut” feeling should override your emotional feelings?? The feelings within your heart? Your mind?? Thank you for your opinion/advice. -danielle
Danielle – you should pay attention to your gut but not necessarily over-ride… ask your gut some questions… dig a little and don’t confuse fear with instinctive intelligence
YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE ABILITY TO MOTIVATE WITH MOSTLY COMMONSENSE ATTITUDONAL ANSWERS TO THOSE OF US WHO HAVE DIFFICULTY WITH LIFES CHALLENGES, SO WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF SO ABLE?
If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Ignore most of what you hear and pay attention to all of what you see…
Hi Craig,
I sat and tried to come up with a question to ask. Instead, I became kind of emotional. I had to save my email as a draft, closed the computer and walked away. I tried again later on in the day and had to do the same thing.
It’s now after dinner and I finally realized why it was so difficult.
I guess it’s because it seems as if it’s not a question that I want to ask you, it really is the question that I need to ask myself that became more important.
The question: Why?
I’ve got a lot of answering to do.
Thanks,
Judy
A hug for you Judy ( )
Hi Craig
Totally understand and agree with you that being an overthinker is not healthy. Do you have any tips on how to overcome this when you are having difficulty turning this destructive habit around?
Love your work, please keep assisting us.
Kind regards
Vicki
Hi Vicki. Identify what’s NOT in your control and stop investing energy into those things – read ‘Moving towards Consciousness’ – something I wrote a while back
Tell me how i can find enough confidence and belief in myself to bring up issues i have on my mind in both my private and professional lives. I always tend to think i can hide from them or that ill look stupid speaking up. So much so that i freeze and feel physically ill and even a little dizzy when i do so. Its embarrassing and my new job involves a lot of public speaking. Help!
Nicole.
Hi Craig.
Pick one….or two…:-)
Q1..why are we a society that sells so much poison foods that are totally bad for inner health not to mention outer health…what will it take for us to turn this around….put a fat tax on product like Denmark.
Q2. Why is the focous always on woman to sell product from cleaning product to all other domestic product…what men aren’t suppose to do this stuff..perhaps having more men shown on commercials selling the product would finally make it an equal society.
Q 3 speaking of the genders …when will they start showing men using weight loss product not just woman…perhaps we would then have less pregnant looking men walking around.
Regards vibeke
Hello!
I hope you are having a fantastic day.
Question(s)
1. What and who has inspired you over your life time?
2. When it comes to not feeling 100% and exercise I am curious as to whether you should continue training or stop until you feel 100%? I am talking sinus problems, minor niggles – nothing too serious. I want to know if I am making excuses or doing the right thing by my body.
Thanks and I look forward to your reply… If my questions are worthy of one!
Hayley
Hi Craig
Here’s my question. How do you kick sugar when you are a sugaraholic ? When I add up my sugar intake it is beyond horrific. Mind over emotion ? I’ve tried saying yes today’s the day, we are not having any sugar today, I’ve tried this is a vegetable and protein only day, do I make it through the day, no. I know most of it is now habit or/and emotional eating, and yes I know it’s a choice. I’d be grateful for all ideas and perspective.
PS – I love reading your emails, they do make me think.
Regards
Delwyn
Hi Delwyn, I hope you don’t mind if I jump in – I have recently (2 weeks ago) started Sarah Wilson’s I Quit Sugar program. She has a facebook page, blog and plenty of info if you google it. It has been a real eye-opener for me – I thought I was dieting, watching what I eat etc, but in fact was eating way too much sugar. And it’s an addiction – something you (well I) really needed to kick, and I’m so happy I started. I feel great, am eating heaps less food without feeling hungry and am losing weight. Finally.
It can be hard as there’s definitely an emotional comfort we get from sugar, but so worth it.
I can’t help but jump in too. About once a year I quit 100% for many weeks to get over the ‘addiction’ which is always HARD. I think and talk about sugar all the time. Doing this also makes me see all the foods where sugar is hidden. Slowly I re-introduce a selection of things and find a balance. Every few weeks I get carried away and gently pull myself back into line. I consider it an addiction but one I choose to live with.
Morning Craig
Why do I care so much what other people think?
Background to why I ask this:- just sold my house myself (yes very proud) I asked Agents opinions on price etc, and put it on the market at what I and agents expected the sale price to be. Sold it in two days for full price. I have had people (randoms) now tell me – “you sold for too cheap”.Would it have been more acceptable if I had have taken 6 months to sell enduring opens week after week! Why do I care!
Liz go on YouTube and seek this out. Remember most are too busy to pay attention to us.
Hello Craig
My question is ‘Who is Craig Harper?’
cheers
Well David…
I know things but I’m not knowledge
I own stuff but I am not my stuff
I get emotional but I am not an emotion
I think but I am not a thought
My body is physical but I’m not
I have a brand but I am not a brand
To you David, I’m whatever you determine me to be.
To me, I’m the energy that understands what I’m not.
Too deep?
What a bloody good answer!!!!!!!!!!
How does a perfectionist, self conscious, analytical person become more relaxed and starts to enjoy life more?? I mean what if you know what you are doing wrong but still find yourself repeating the same mistakes? How do you start changing and actually become aware of that change???
Xenia
One at a time.
Suu xxoo
Thanks for the opportunity!
How is it possible to stay positive and realistic when things don’t go well?
We follow our business plan, set realistic goals and work hard (well?). Our customers tell us they’ll come to events but don’t. Our phone rings as a response to marketing but people don’t join. They won’t commit to much of what they are contracted to do, let alone extras. So how do we keep taking the slaps. We are happy positive people but it gets harder to jump up after each rejection.
Now this is a great topic for a blog entry. We can do it all by the book or god’s law but it still does go astray or not to plan. Persist.
Craig
It is a while since you gave us an update on your mother. As I am in her age bracket, and still trying to remain active, I am wondering how she is faring.
Helen
Funny you should ask Helen, she’s heading into hospital for another minor operation tomorrow (which is today in 15 mins). Other than a few issues with an annoying artery, she’s well.
If there was one thing you would recommend to women (from a mans perspective) to do to find/have that magical relationship. what would it be?
Cheers (and thanks – your emails are fantastic:)
Carol
Carol – everything coming to mind is either rude, funny or both. Leave it with me…
Can’t refuse the offer!
If it makes me happy is it really that bad? I work for my ex boyfriend 4 days a week. He pays me cash in hand and it fits in with my daughters Kindy well. I still have feelings for him but I know we can never be together. He can be a good friend and we “hang out” (friends with benifits i think they call it!) outside work about once a week. I really enjoy this time. Its my adult, relax time. I work 2 jobs (36h total), 10h a week at the gym and am single with a 4 year old.
If it makes my happy is it really that bad?
Anita – there are too many unknowns for me to answer this but (1) I think you know the answer (whatever it is) and (2) you don’t need anyone’s permission or approval (you’re big now)
I admire you well done
Dear Craig, I am a medical Doctor with loving wife and great 4 kids, living and working in the most stressful city of the world KARACHI PAKISTAN. My age is 54 , well motivated one who loves and enjoy his work with great containment. The only flaw in my time management habit is procrastination.
my question is how to keep myself motivated from now onward in terms of age group I belong. Because your articles are most useful for carrier starter.
Much regards and Love(pl. keep my ID , email secret)
Khalid
Khalid (Doc) –
1. Get clear about what you want to do (be, create).
2. Identify your non-negotiable behaviours (in relation to point 1).
3. Create an accountability system (for you) to turn the theory into reality
4. Take action straight away!!!
* Don’t give yourself an escape clause!!
Thanks Craig
Craig,
I’ve been wanting to ask this question for the longest time and here’s my chance!
My best friend has confided in me about a serious relationship issue and I answered her candidly and truthfully (as she requested)
Something along the lines of “if he doesn’t make you happy anymore then you have to consider all your options and leave? or live with your unhappiness if it’s something that you cannot change”
In short, this answer made her very unhappy and now she has not confided in me since
Was I wrong to tell the truth or did my honest response cause me to lose a friend?
Best Regards,
Candypoetrygirl – If you did what she asked (provide honest feedback – respectfully) and she didn’t like it, you need not feel guilty or responsible.
My question is…why is motivation so fleeting?
Hi Dean. It’s an emotion and all emotions are temporary. Focus on commitment and maximise your motivation when it makes an appearance.
What makes you feel most alive? And how often do you do. It/ fit it into your life?
Guzman… Okay, the answer shouldn’t be “when I’m riding my motorbikes” but it is.
Yes Yes that I get!!!
But it’s not plural you only own 1 motorbike.. SSHHHhhhh
What is the number one most played song on your ipod?
Running on Empty – Jackson Browne.
I’m that old..
Me too…..Good song!
Hi Craig,
My name is Jenny. I am 41 years old, mother of two and weigh 112kg. I’m a yo yo dieter, I’ve just joined weight watchers for the last time. My main reason for being overweight is that I’m an emotional eater and I know this. My second problem is that I am an all or nothing person. I have lost huge amounts of weight (40kg in 50 weeks) only to put it back on in one and a half years. My husband encourages me to be ‘an in the middle’ person. I do acknowledge that my all or nothing approach doesn’t work. How do I make that shift to accept that sometimes not being perfect all the time is ok too and just to forget about the mistakes and move forward?
Love your posts,
Jenny
Hi Jenny – emotional eating is irrational eating. My past is similar to yours. What worked for me was to toally change my relationship with food and see myself (in some ways) as an addict (food being my drug) who needed to create and live by some non-negotiable rules. The problem with eating a piece of cake (for example) is not so much the physical consequence of one piece (which is minimal) but rather the emotional response afterwards.. there’s no simple or universal answer but it always comes back to our relationship (mentally and emotionally) with food
Hey Craig,
Right now life is throwing a lot of changes my way some are for the better, some not so much. How do you believe the best way to handle the changes are?
Look forward to hearing your opinion
Chesley
Chelsey – Don’t waste emotional energy on the stuff you can’t control. Deal with the rest of it head on. Boldly!!!
Hey EVERYONE!!! Okay, so this idea has gone off like a frog in a sock hasn’t it? I’m about to present at a conference, so I’ll disappear for a while but feel free to keep sending questions, thoughts and even answers (for others). We might keep this going for another day-ish. BTW, if I haven’t answered your question, don’t take it personally – it’s just that some questions are harder to answer quickly (while doing them justice). ALL the questions have been worthy. This exchange had surprised me – we might do it often.
PEACE. xx
Yes Craig. It’s the coolest interactive blog ever. Thank YOU for your time and thanks to all of us “blogger followers” (or whatever the cyber term is) for the fantastic questions. I haven’t had this much fun in the blogging world for ages X
I think you will find it hard to outdo yourself on this one
P.S while on the topic of questions can anyone tell me how to make a winky face, please??? Anyone???
You put ; next to ) and end up with
Ok, I’ve asked this previously. I know what changes I want to make, but the thought of starting them makes me physically ill. I know that I have the resources needed, some undiscovered at present, but I feel like I’m trying to jump from a plane knowing there is no main parachute and I don’t know is there is an emergency chute. How do I mentally override the physical to take that 1st step!
PS: I have had a lifelong phobia, a fear of falling. Do you think these are connected? Will getting rid of the phobia help me with the 1st issue?
Thanks Craig. What an interesting couple of days reading this has been!
Anonyfem – picture your life in five years from now if you DON’T make those changes. Which is less terrifying – taking action in the now or inhabiting the same reality in five or ten (or twenty) years time?
omg craig, great advice just what I need to hear atm to give me a reality check and to keep plodding forward.
Hi, I am 39 years old and I find exercise a constant battle. I have tried various types, some have lasted longer than others and we have always had a home gym (thanks to my body conscious hubby). As I get older I am finding it more and more difficult to keep motivated, and with each passing year I am getting bigger and bigger. I am not huge but at 5″5 weighing 72kg I am considered ‘overweight’. To compound my problem my husband (albeit very vain and in good shape himself) always tells me he likes my curves and does not pressurise me to look good. However, I would like to be in better shape – for me, not just for him. Craig could you give me a few motivators to pick me up and stay focused on the low days (looking at pictures of ‘role models’ just makes me feel worse about myself)
Nikki – motivation doesn’t work. It’s always temporary. Permanent changes happens with non-negotiable commitment. Change the way you think (feel) about exercise and the rest will happen. As I said to Anonyfem, picture your life in ten years if you remain on your current trajectory.
HI Craig
I workout at the gym on the AMT machine or treadmill first thing in the mornings to fit it in with my family life. I don’t eat breakfast before hand and seem to have enough energy to get through my workout. Would you recommend breakfast first from a fat burning perspective or is it OK to wait until I return home? I generally burn about 600 calories in approx 45 minutes (according to the machine readouts)?
Karen
Karen – Eating when you get home is fine – if you feel good while you train
hi craig..
i am a person that gets very stuck on issues for example i will ask a family member a question knowing what the answer is and when they tell me a lie..it will really bother me however i mostly cannot confront them on it since they just told their answer..i dont understand why it becomes such a big issue for me..
secondly i am extremely giving and caring person i chose myself to take care and be their for others and at the same time i get offended if they dont say thank you…however once they start the word thanks i dont even need to hear it i am more than happy to help..
i would really appreciate your feedback thanks
Hi Ashley – don’t expect people to think, behave or react like you and you’ll get hurt less often
Become indifferent. You will notice more thank you’s.
What are your thoughts on medication to assist anxiety issues? Exercise and healthy diet no longer seem to be cutting it, but I’m not keen on medicating unless it’s absolutely necessary.
Like anythnig Tamara, anxiety medication can be used or abused, positive or negative depending on how, when and why it’s used.
Hi Craig,
I just happened upon your sight and can’t believe how much insightful information you provide I love your motivational area… Something you might find interesting i ran across today was this video of a guy overcoming a challenge or fear http://youtu.be/B_7zZnN8DnQ
Dear Craig
My question is ….. what can I change in me to get treated fairly by my 2 Bully Bosses ?
Kathy
Google some ideas but document at home what they do. I was told to present it as a business case affecting my productivity. Good luck.
How so stop comfort eating when my 4 sons are so hard 2 deal with.I know the tricks but keep thinking what the hell
Edwina xxx
Hi Craig,
My question to you is:
I have had several traumatic experiences which include:
Getting dismissed from a masters program (I feel it was unjust because they claimed I didn’t do enough work, but I had a broken ankle and that is a long story), my husband is emotionally abusive to me, I have student loans and other bills to deal with, I have had a terrible relationship with my older children, especially my dauther-in-law and much much more.
I feel so much like a victim and can barely deal with my fears. Your advice is to face fears and try new things. I am afraid to face my fears and try new things and keep putting it off. I am going to a counselor, but I can’t seem to take action. Please advise.
Ellison
Seek out help. Have a break from academic work. I don’t have children but I can relate to the world falling in so start to seem advice from caring supportive people. Action does happen when you get support.
Thank you Michael, for your kind and encouraging words. I will try to take things a step at a time.
Ellison
What truly gives your life meaning if you don’t have children? I strive to be the best I can be to give them positive examples and to do what I do, not what I say. When things get tough, I remind myself that I’m needed and that I have to keep going. How do you feel about the legacy that you will leave and how it will live on?
Oh dear I am answering Craig’s blog – children are not the only legacy but we should be judged by what we do in the here and now.
Hi Craig, I was hoping you had some advice on ways I can train and tone my legs when I have a bad knee. My specialist has told me not to kneel, use a stepper, basically anything that will cause too much shock to the joint. I am also not allowed to use too much weight or use explosive movements. Frustrating! I am desperate to keep going but feel this limits me completely! Any advice would be appreciated!
Hi Danielle – not very exciting but interval training on a bike will load up your quads, glues and hams without the level of knee stress some activities will provide. Each minute could be broken into 20 secs hard, 40 secs easy (for example) – for as long as you like.. BUT this is just general advice NOT a personal prescription…
Hi Craig, thanks for the advice, I’ll give it a go! My surgeon is a fan of the bike for exercise, so fingers crossed!
Soory forgot my email! Looking forward to your advice!
I recently watched the matrix, again, and am wondering is it indeed possible, even plausible, that we are a battery… charging a higher power… and life is just an optical illusion albeit a good one?
And does waxing hurt?
Dragon
1. No.
2. Yes.
Hi Craig,
I just bought your book for myself for Christmas
if it’s anything like your website I think I may just order copies for all the naysayers in my family!
mmmmman bbbboobs
Hello Craig,
I’ve now lost over 17kgs since July. The trouble is I still haven’t lost my manboobs. Currently I’m running 5kms three times a week and committing to a ten seperate dumbells exercise regime on the other three…Sunday is my rest day
I probably have another 7 or eight kilos to lose to achieve my goal weight., but I wonder will I ever be able to achieve a boobless physique?
Dave
Hi.
Dave I hope you don’t mind if I piggyback on your question…I have a similar situation with my 18 year old son. I took him to have his testosterone levels checked (in the event that too low levels were the cause) but the results were fine. It is not genetic disposition as far as I can tell because his father has a super build (with defined chest and shoulders).
Craig, do you have any advice as my son wont be seen dead without a shirt on?
Hi Dave
I too have lost quite a bit of weight and toned up with a pt and weights recently, although never overweight to start. In less 12 months I am now 52 kgs and dropping with regular training, but my bbbbooobs have got bigger from a 10D to a 10DD I also want smaller…. I hear you..
Hi Nikki,
No, i don’t mind at all. Hopefully Craig will have some advice for both myself and your son.
Regards,
Dave
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