We all know that the vast majority of people who lose weight, regain it. And while we know that nobody who loses that weight actually wants to put it back on, somehow we’ve become really good at it! Some of us have spent a lifetime cycling between the fit and fat versions of us. We even have the small, medium, large and industrial sections in our wardrobe. What a miserable and frustrating cycle that is. And I’m not talking about minor weight fluctuations here, I’m talking about a range of 10-50 kgs (22-110lbs) or more. We get on and off the weight-loss roller coaster for a bunch of reasons but here’s what twenty five years of working with people in this area has taught me. My top five observations anyway…
1. We don’t keep our head in the game. For a range of reasons, somewhere along the way we lose it mentally and emotionally. And when the discipline, the self-control and the can-do attitude go out the window, so does the new and improved body. Pity. We know that what happens below the shoulders is driven by what happens above them (our physiology is a by-product of our psychology), so for most of us, mastering our mind is the key to mastering our body. Creating life-long change (in this case, weight-loss) ain’t about carbs, protein shakes, treadmills or pump classes, it’s about what’s happening between our ears. I know that this is a message I share regularly but it still seems to be missed and/or overlooked by the masses; fix the head to fix the body. Do whatever you need to do, to maintain focus, commitment and momentum over the long term. And as for that whole “it takes thirty days to create a new habit” thing… crap. As a rule, it usually takes much longer. Very few of us (okay, nobody) will undo thirty years of destructive behaviours, habits and thinking in thirty days. As is often the case, the theory and the reality don’t actually merge.
4. We get in shape for events, but not for life. Yep, I’ve said it before, we’re great at losing weight for birthdays, weddings, school reunions, big social events and even summer. And then we’re great at getting fat again. It’s what we do. Don’t get mad at me, just take a look around. If only life was one long birthday, we’d all look amazing 24/7. We change our behaviour for a while, but on a level below our conscious (and temporary) behaviours, we’re simply waiting to go back to normal. Normal being the same behaviours that lead us to obesity in the first place.
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{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Craig,
a timely post for me. I have felt my committment waver a little lately and I needed this!!!
The sectioned wardrobe won’t work for me lol. I started off a size 26 amd am now a 20-22. I have actually thrown out the clothes that are too big and will continue as I lose. So I have to keep losing or walk around…well naked….would so not be a good look!!!! So for the sake of mankind I will continue to lose weight
Thanks for always saying what I need to hear.
You still want cheesecake at RYL??? I have just found a recipe (low fat ok?) for one, plain baked no fruit right? (I read that somewhere!)
Hugs Craig
Michelle xx
Very true… Healthy eating & lifestyle is forever, not just for the amount of time it takes to lose X amount of kg. You have to learn how to enjoy it and not beat yourself up when you get off track, but instead get back on the horse!
Hi Michelle
Cheesecake?
Who me?
Okay
( )
Hi Pauline… giddyup.
( )
Good points Craig. I’d like to bring up that I think it all boils down to one thing — people don’t TRUTHFULLY care about themselves and especially their body. And the 2nd thing is, nobody wants to hear that about themselves, almost no one will listen to that and think about it.
Numbers 4 and 5 especially hit me. We don’t think in terms of lifestyle change or permanent change, which I guess is why we don’t have a maintenance plan. (We don’t plan to maintain.) And YES, it takes a LOT longer than 21 or 30 days to make a new habit!
Kristi Holl
Writer’s First Aid blog
“Toot, toot”!
You really cracked me up this morning. So true. You coulda also tied in reference to Thomas’ Fat Controller
Linda
Dear Mr Harper
Thank you, timely for me too.
My life, at times is very social and the latte's and cheesecake indulgence was becoming too regular. Today will be another challenge, celebrating two belated birthday's. That sounds like an excuse! Im going to be strong! Ive got 5 hours to get my head right! Or maybe, if I didnt keep going back to all the places that I know make superb coffee & cake I wouldnt have this problem!
Im looking forward to my girly day, have fun yourself Mr Harper
Hi Kin
and sometimes they begin to care when it’s too late…
Cheers
Hi Kristi
if we planned for the next thirty years rather than the next thirty days… we’d be a lot better off
( )
Toot, toot Linda ( )
Hello Anon aka 207
enjoy your girly day…
( )
Dear Craig,
Crikeys! How do you do it? These posts you pump out – One minute they are about this…then that…:-) You definately keep us on our toes! I guess life is made up of lots of this and thats hey?!
I think I'll have to come back to this post in a little while when I might be a little more ready to tackle the diet & fitness regime part of this fabulous life.
I do want it to be a part of my life. When a life has been put through the wringer a little & shaken before being hung up in the sunshine to dry….hmmm…it feels nice here in the sunshine! Hmmm…interesting analogy (is that what it is and is that how you spell it?)
It just amazes me how you can motivate us fella!
Have a fabulous day!…..oh…and by the way – Michelle – great stuff girl! Keep up the great work…throw those clothes away!!!
Kathryn
PS 17 more sleeps to Sydney RYL! (who's excited?)
Hi Craig,
Losing weight was a stepping stone to many changes for me. Maintaining it is now ‘normal’ for me, but only after a couple of years of making it so.
Now my challenge is to make workouts and fitness ‘normal’ too -so far so good!
For me, the bit about how people change their habits and behaviours but at some level are always waiting to get back to ‘normal’ resonated loudly.
It’s sooooo true – real change is only a reality when the changes are your ‘new normal’ (if that makes sense)
Love that saying ‘get your head is in the game, too.
Cheers Craig,
Monica ( )
Aaarrgghhh – this is SO me. And I’ve been REALLY trying to only make changes I can sustain over the long term. I want healthy more than I want “thin” (well, not overweight). At least I think I do. I was doing so well too until a bout of illness undid all my fitness. That was 12 months ago and I’m still struggling to get back on the “regular exercise” thing. And I put on 10kg of the 20kg I lost (story of my life). It’s driving me crazy and I so badly want to get off this treadmill.
I’m so frustrated right now I think I could just give up and have a pity party instead.
After 12 years of obesity and less than 1 year at near goal weight can I say maintenance is not as scary as I thought it would be.
I still weigh daily, don’t monitor my food intake and exercise 2-3 times a week. Doesn’t sound too bad does it?
I think there is a small fear there though, that if I injured myself and couldn’t run I could safely bet that the kilos would creep on. So in order to avoid injury I look after my body by stretching and getting massages and so far so good for me.
Maybe the trick is not thinking about it? I mean just live and not worry about calories and such. We overthink to the point of exhaustion sometimes, no?
I find this true of a number of my female friends. They lose weight to look fabulous for their wedding day. Then, after their wedding day, they do not stick to their fitness or exercise program. Having an unhealthy diet makes things worse. It’s basically downhill all the way, even after having kids.
So I pretty much agree that weight loss is not just for an event but for life.
Gee, it’s all common sense again – which there needs to be more of in the world. I agree that the “30 days” to a new habit is crap. I had two habits that I wanted to change and I have been successful because it has been an all or nothing approach on my part – which includes daily accountability and recording of the new habits that replaced the old habits. My gut feeling is that the “30 days” myth is just way of justyfing quitting when the going gets tough. And trust me there were times that changing nearly two decades of bad habits was hard and “30 days” would have given me a perfect out.
I also think that there is too much emphasis on weight loss in the exercise/personal fitness/diet realm and not enough emphasis on other measures such as changes in body fat %, improved flexibility, energy levels, lung capacity, improved quality of sleep and improved outlook on life.
@ Monica – I fully agree that “real change is only a reality when the changes are your ‘new normal’” – this is something that I’ve really only learned during the past few years.
Cheers
Noice post as always but what I really wanted to say is for Michelle ….
Um… re: cheesecake. Can you bring some for everyone. mmkay. Thanks. And I laughed out loud at yr comment about walking around naked.
Funny bunny!!
xx
Hi Craig,
Great post! I’m hoping your next post will be tips on how to maintain?? (Even though we all know it, great to have it in writing)
Thanks Sienna
this is just starting to sink in – its all in my head. But what is the secret to flipping that ‘switch’ up there? and where am i going to hide if not behind my chubby smile! hehe
For that matter, why are people also so unsupportive or eager to maintain the ‘old’ you – i am sick of hearing – ‘You are overdoing it (Dad god bless him) and ‘Eww you have turned into a fitness freak!’ (all my ‘friends’)
By the way Craig, as I fellow writer I am astounded at how prolific you are – wish I could say the same!
Thanks for the great words Craig – also a timely article for me having lost 42kgs in the past and have offered my words of inspiration to others through my website.
I went from a Size 18 to a Size 8 but after achieving this, I have indeed gone back to a size 14 again. But like you said, the most effective changes happen between the ears and therefore these changes are long-lasting ones, compared to just gulping down various tablets and weighing carbs and proteins each meal, like I used to do!
This time, I’m ready for a whole-hearted approach which comes from the mind, not from the body. After all, I only need to lose about 10kg’s this time, not 42kg!
Thanks Craig!
Cheers,
Leila.
LOL Friday,
that was funny I am glad I made you laugh. I just hope I didn’t make anyone choke on their breakfast or lunch!
Make cheesecake for everyone???? Hmmmm Craig how many people are booked to come to RYL Melb??? Am I suddenly the catering committee???? lol Friday I will think about it ok.
Oh and Craig, I loved that you picked up on the cheesecake and nothing else lol!!!
Hugs
Michelle
I'm a 44 year old, 52kg size 6 woman (who most people think is 35)who has had two kids and I am the fittest, strongest & healthiest I have ever been in my whole life.
What does it take to maintain it? Hard work, commitment, discipline and sacrifice.
Being a full time working single parent I could only manage to get to the gym twice a week. I negotiated my hours with my employer to leave early one day per week so I could get to gym before picking up the kids from after care. Yes, I sacrificed one hour's pay, essentially doubling the cost of my gym membership. The other times I got to go were either Friday night after work (missed out on many social events) or at 6:00am Friday before I went to work (couldn't have a late one the night before).
A healthy, well balanced diet also plays a big part. No chocolate, lollies, ice cream, alcohol, soft drink or junk food. Lots of fresh fruit and veg, good carbs and protein. I'm not missing out on anything – I am passionate about food and love dining out.
Most people thought I was crazy and didn't get why I was so gung ho about going to gym and eating healthily while they were downing their fish and chips at lunchtime.
I know that without regular exercise & a great diet I would fall in a heap. It is as much for my mental and emotional well being as it is for my physical wellbeing.
It has certainly become a non-negotiable behaviour for me and I cannot imagine not ever going to gym or eating well.
Like Mr Harper says – there's no magic potion. Just good old hard work, commitment, discipline and sacrifice.
PTPrincess
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P.S. If women could get their heads around the fact that having muscle on your body actually speeds up your metabolism there'd be a bigger frenzy to get to a set of dumbells than a half price shoe sale.
Hey Michelle… two here for Melb RYL !!! LOL
Cheers,
Tina
Michelle …
Forget everyone else! This is CHEESECAKE we’re talking about so its You, me and the bloke running the show. Thats 3, just 3 for cheesecake.
Rooly!
; )
Your body doesn’t want you to lose weight, because it’s always preparing for a famine. So when you do lose weight, you burn calories more efficiently, so it’s more easy to gain it back.
For a time, it takes more willpower to keep the weight off than it did to lose it… so never give up.
Hi Kathryn – I do my best! ( )
No pity party for you Lightening..
That’s an order.
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Don’t over-think and pre-empt problems you don’t have Stavy!
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Thanks for dropping by Evelyn…
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Hi Sienna – how to maintain – don’t stop!!
Hi Hellen – prolific is one thing.. but GOOD is another
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Don’t you dare make cheesecake for the others Michelle – you know I’m an only child… ( )
Hello PT Princess – thanks for your well-considered advice…
And yes, you do look 35 (I’ve seen her)…
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Hey Richard – thanks for dropping by..
Ok the boss has spoken…cheesecake for one then!!!!
Michelle