Hi Team. As you all know, our country is in shock as we continue to deal with the most deadly and destructive natural disaster in the history of our nation. As I write, the death toll is heading towards one hundred and fifty and by the time you read this it may be up around, or even past, the two hundred mark. To all of my readers who have been affected by the fires, my heart goes out to you. If I, or any of my team can do anything to help, let me know via email and if it’s possible, we’ll do it. Take care, keep smiling, be brave and stay safe.
A Recent Conversation
Here’s part of a conversation that I had recently with a woman who had just fallen off the weight-loss merry-go-round for the millionth time – or there abouts. She had started a new exercise program and eating regime on New Year’s day this year. As she does every year.
CH: “So how’s your eating going?” (I didn’t know the answer at this stage)
SR: (drops head and avoids eye contact with me)
CH: “Er, hello?” (trying to make eye contact)
SR: “Don’t ask?”
CH: “Why not?”
SR: “I f***ed up – again.”
CH: “What happened?”
SR: “I was going great, I hadn’t eaten anything bad since before New Year and then last Saturday night I blew it all.”
CH: “You blew five weeks of great work (diet, exercise) in one night? That’s quite the achievement. How did you do it?”
SR: “My husband and I had a fight, he went to bed and I ate a whole block of chocolate.”
CH: “And?”
SR: “What do you mean… and?”
CH: “Well, after you ate the chocolate, then what did you do?”
SR: “I felt physically sick and mentally disgusted with myself, so I went to bed.”
CH: “And when you got up on Sunday, what did you do then? Did you do your exercise and eat a healthy breakfast?”
SR: “No.”
CH: “Why not?”
SR: “I was depressed and angry at myself.”
CH: “So what did you do?”
SR: “I ate shit all day because I was mad.”
CH: “Did you exercise?”
SR: “No, I was too grumpy.”
CH: “That’ll help. So the girl who desperately wants to lose weight, eats junk food all day and does zero exercise because she’s mad at herself for eating junk food the night before? Your mind is a strange place.”
SR: “Well what’s the point when I had already blown all that good work?”
An All-Too-Familiar Dialogue
Now, I know this sounds like an unlikely conversation but it’s actually not; it’s absolutely true and much more common than (some of) you might imagine. But then again, it may seem very familiar to others. I have had this conversation many, many times, with many people. And yes, mostly women. Don’t shoot the messenger ladies, just relaying the facts.
What Logic?
The irony of someone choosing to eat junk food on a Sunday because they are depressed about eating junk food on Saturday night is kind of amazing, but not altogether rare. When it comes to maintaining our fitness regime, our diet and our commitment to changing our body, it seems that many of us are fragile at best. Some of us have a default switch that’s permanently set to junk food, laziness, self-pity and excuses. It’s what we fall back on because we haven’t actually made those healthy behaviours non-negotiable habits in our life.
If you identify with the above story in any way, here’s a few things to consider and a lesson or two that you might find helpful.
1. The woman I was speaking with had lost 7 kgs (15.4 lbs) since New Years day 2009. Now… in order to regain that weight eating chocolate only, she would need to consume 53,900 calories of milk chocolate (her preference) and that would have to be without expending any energy – which is obviously impossible. How many calories did she actually consume on her Saturday night choc binge? 625. That is, 1 x 125 gram block of milk chocolate. How many of those 125 gram blocks would she need to eat to regain all of her weight? Eighty six – and that would be on top of her normal daily (healthy) eating – because her normal healthy diet would take care of her energy requirements for the day and the excess cals from the choc would provide the additional energy for the weight gain. Do I need to say any more? So was her “I blew it” response something of a ridiculous and inappropriate over-reaction? And then some.
2. It ain’t about about the chocolate anyway; it’s about the reaction to the chocolate. “Oh well, I blew it, I may as well eat everything that isn’t nailed down!” People respond like this all the time. I’ve watched it for years. They over-react, they create problems, they turn a minor hiccup into a major melodrama and they look for an excuse to throw in the towel. Then they wake up six months later, bigger, fatter and more miserable than ever. And so the very predictable and familiar cycle starts all over again. And again. Their life is like a weight-loss version of Groundhog Day. Some people have been losing and gaining the same weight for years.
3. Of course one block of chocolate can’t make anyone fat but constantly surrendering to destructive behaviours can. For this lady, her problem is largely emotional and psychological, while the consequences are largely physical. Whenever she has a set-back – a normal part of the human experience – she has no coping skills, so she goes back to what she knows; food. A little instant pleasure and comfort… but ultimately an abundance of long-term pain; a life in a fat body that she despises. Her propensity to lose and gain weight is merely a by-product of what’s going on in her head. Does this sound familiar? Very familiar perhaps? The good news is that anyone can lose weight and keep it off. Forever. Is it easy? Not often. Is it possible? Very. Just because you haven’t done something to this point in your life doesn’t mean you can’t; it just means you haven’t. Yet. As I’ve said too many times, take your mind there and your body will follow.
4. Setbacks are not a sign of weakness, they are a sign of humanity. Things only have the meaning we give them and if we decide that eating a block of chocolate is the beginning of the end, it will be. Or we could simply choose different to create different. Next time you mess up – and you will – don’t over-think, don’t self-destruct, don’t beat yourself up and don’t seek sympathy. Instead, refocus, acknowledge what you’ve done, do different and get back to work. Princess. Sure I could fluff this message up a little, make it more feel-good, perhaps explore the psychology of it all and possibly talk about your triggers for reactive eating… but that’s really not me is it?
Okay, do what you need to do.
Note: The winner of last Friday’s Competition is EG for sharing her touching story. Thanks EG and thanks to everyone who submitted something – they were all great. Just email us EG and we’ll sort your prize.
As always, let me know your thoughts on this topic. Have you been living in your own Weight-Loss Groundhog Day? Tell us about it. If you’re not sure how to leave a comment, click here. Yes, even you chronic Lurkers.
Ciao x
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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Craig,
So far I have been lucky re any blowouts….I have one then recover from it the next day! Sure it would be easy to continue with the woe is me pity party but well I have come too far to stuff it up now!
Congrats to EG and OMG Craig…do you have a crystal ball or something…the timing of those 2 posts!!! WOW!
Thanks for your offer of any help, that is very generous. As I write this (Monday night)I have heard nothing from Hellen so if we could all just keep hoping for her that would be great. I will update as soon as I know anything.
Hugs
Chelle xxx
I often wonder what would have happened if 130 kilo Joanne had wandered into the Harperdome to start her journey.
)
Common sense is so hard to hear above the self loathing. My internal voice was so loud with negative messages that it was hard for anything else to get through.
Skim 36 kilos off of me and my hearing is much better.
Where the hell is my tshirt?
Joanne.
Great Great entry, Craig.
On another note, my heart goes out to the people in Australia right now and what you are going through. If I could ship snow there I would.
This latest blog is speaking to me!!! I am an emotional eater, but with the help of your motivation blerbs and my own (new) self-WILL, I have recognised when I am about to fall off the wagon and into a vat of chips that I try and eat my way out of. Instead I write down my feelings I go for a walk. Thank you Craig. My thoughts are with Victoria and with North Queensland, which is flooding.
Love TinaQ
Hi Craig,
I’m with Michelle on the posts timing, you do that so often with me too!
I’ve just a suggestion on how all of us Aussies can help in a small way with the fire victims, and that’s by donating blood. I know Mr Brumby has already mentioned this, but I believe its totally worthwhile, if its your first time it will take about 1.5 hours, but after that its about 45 mins. Something you can give for free (and have the bonus of them letting you know what your iron / blood sugar / blood pressure levels are at the same time, can be handy!)
Anyway, I’ll be making my appointment this morning!
Looking forward to my tshirt coming too!
-Dani
Keep us posted about Hellen, Chelle.
Hugs
You got the fat out of your ears Joanne! Good for you – congrats on your massive weight loss – what’s your goal?
( )
Cdn Friend – thanks for your thoughts… feel free to send that snow!!
( )
Good for you Tina Q – keep up the great work and keep us posted on your progress.
( )
Nice idea Dani – enjoy your shirt – send me a photo… ( )
Ok you got me…serial ‘lurker’ and as always you are spot on with your ‘groundhog’ version to weight loss. I have a VERY long ‘yo-yo’ history when it comes to weight loss but you are the first I have come across who has stated what to me is obvious ‘the mind comes first and the body will follow’. This time around I am taking up the challenge ‘do different to achieve different’. The food thing is under control and currently I am working on the exercise thing (not so easy because I use my age of 63 as a ‘barrier’) but I am 7kgs down and on the move. Thanks for your constant plain speaking which shakes even me to ‘suck it up princess’
There is an old proverb that I read somewhere that basically says: “Fall down eight times, get up nine.”
Simplistic and very true. People have blowouts. It’s bound to happen. I have blowouts. But I get right back into my exercise and ‘normal’ eating right away. In the past my failure wasn’t the falling down…. it was staying down.
Besides… with my changing behaviors if I am all pi**ed off about something or someone I do some boxing rather than eating anything. WIN!
I know that one block of chocolate alone isn’t going to make someone fat, but thanks for doing the calculations. I think math does a good job keeping our perspective in check especially when it comes to scale and magnitude.
Besides, look at Craig. He still eats cheesecakes sometimes.
Every time I go to Las Vegas, I come back a few pounds heavier, thanks to buffets. But eventually I’d go back to my normal weight. It’s making eating buffets into a habit that’s bad.
I received a similar piece of advice while I was losing weight and it was an invaluable reminder to me: – that if I ate one chocolate bar, I probably wouldn’t impact my weight loss for the week, but if I kept going, then it would. I received this advice at the start of my weight loss journey, and for some reason it stuck! So often (not always), when I ate a chocolate (or any other unhealthy choice), I stopped at the one chocolate bar and sure enough, would either maintain my weight or lose a little. It was only when I went into uncontrolled eating for more than one meal (descending into a couple of days worth) that I gained weight.
On the bushfire appeal front, does anyone know if they are accepting clothing / book donations?
Miss Jojo xx
I think anyone who has ever struggled with their weight can probably relate to this post to some degree. For me, I can do the hard yards to lose the weight. Where I struggle is switching from the motivation, intensity and focus of losing weight to maintenance .. and staying there. This is a key area that I’m hoping to tackle at RYL – making the change for life.
We continue to be stunned by the extent these natural disasters are having on our beautiful country and its people at this time. Our thoughts, hearts and well-wishes continue to go out to those affected – together with more practical help (good point about the blood donations, Dani!). Chelle, am very much looking forward to hearing good news about Hellen.
Congrats, EG! I agree with Craig’s decision – your story was very pertinent and touched many people.
Craig – do you have any t-shirts in a SMALL left???
Just under a couple of years ago I read a book titled – “Self-directed behaviour” – and one of the best pieces of advice was the following. The key to successfully changing a habit is to prevent a lapse from becoming a relapse.
This advice rung true with me because I had finally been able to give up soft drink – I hadn’t let failed attempts to prevent me from trying again. I kept tweaking my process until I found one that works quite well. I have also applied this process to improving my exercise habits.
As Craig says in point 4 – “Instead, refocus, acknowledge what you’ve done, do different and get back to work. Princess.”
I know I’ve used this quote before but it still bears repeating – “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work – Thomas Edison.” One has to keep perservering and stop the inner critic from starting up the one person pity party.
Anyway if weight loss and getting fit was really easy – where would be the fun of the challenge.
Cheers.
P.S. – As a Victorian – who thankfully isn’t in a bush fire zone, even though there were house fires and grass fires a few kilometres away in a neighbouring suburb – I feel for those affected by the fires and the Queenslanders hit by the floods.
As far as help and donations go I think that donating blood is one of the best things to do. The burns victims will constantlly need blood and plasma products in the months ahead. So hopefully the current levels of blood donations will continue in the months ahead. My understanding is that there has been plenty of food and clothing donations.
Also down the track when houses and businesses have been rebuilt in the affected areas go on some day trips and spend some money to boost the local economies.
I have just joined the weight watchers lifetime member panel and hope to make some contributions to their program this year.
The psychological pattern you’ve described, Craig is quite common (used to do it myself)and you are also right in identifying that the problem is more of a emotional/mental one which then translates to a physcial one. So true!
I have found (with myself and others) that educating yourself about moods/mood behaviour and learning to be kind to yourself (positive self talk)is a good start to real change. Of course, it is more involved than that, but weight loss is a journey…mostly a personal development one….with lots to learn along the way.
Congrats to all who are making progress on their journey and thanks for a great post, Craig.
love,
Monica
PS I hope Hellen is okay…they (the bushfire victims) are all still very much in our thoughts/prayers.
Hi Lurker Carol – thanks for coming out of the cyber-shadows and saying hello – you shoud do it more often – I don’t bite.
Your first Craig hug… ( )
Nice Proverb Kitteh – thanks for sharing ( )
Did you have to mention cheesecake Kelvin – now I want some.
Hi Sue – yep, just got another 100 shirts… ( )
Thanks for your thoughts Ben – relevant as always..
Cheers
You’re welcome Monica!
( )
Hey Craig,
Such a great post again and so many great comments to go with it. I so know where that lady is coming from and I hate to have to say I’ve been there way too much. I will tentatively say that I am hardly ever there anymore and when I am I know it and accept it and then keep moving forward once it’s passed. Most of the time though it strikes me that hurting myself sure ain’t gonna fix the problem or affect the person who’s affected me and the feeling usually goes away. But the maths session sure does put it in perspective! Joanne your story is amazing and Chelle you’re doing such a great job. I hope you hear from Hellen soon Chelle-keep positive.
Re the fires, I hear that soon they’ll be needing more volunteers in many places as the ones who are helping out now have to go back to work or are tired and need rest etc. Keep a look out and ask around for who needs what. If you have some time and energy that you can spare, let the agencies and communities know that you are available and how long for and let’s get out and give them a hand. Shall we have a T-shirt to go with it? Say.. Helping Hands from Harper’s Hoardes? See ya out there guys!
Thanks for dropping by and for your fire suggestions Kat…
Cheers ( )
Hi Craig,
Thanks for choosing my ‘little’ story. It’s a bit dangerous encouraging my waffling habit – are you sure you don’t want to reconsider?
I’m glad other people enjoyed it too. Perhaps when we start to get sucked into the consumer culture we should just drop-in to the palliative care ward – just pretend to be someone’s relative, most of them don’t even recognise their real family so you’ll get away with it.
Thanks for another pertinent post – are you stalking me? I’ve always wanted a stalker (sigh …). I’m definitely guilty of the on-or-off philosophy of healthy eating. As usual, logic is conspicuous by its absence when it comes to food. Thanks for explaining why this is so ridiculous.
Can I please add my appeal to those commenters who have suggested giving blood? You’d be amazed how many people are actually unable to give blood. In my mothers’ group alone:
MG1 can’t give blood because she had a melanoma when she was sixteen.
MG2 can’t give blood because she was in the UK during the madcow thingy.
I can’t give blood because I have low haemoglobin (whatever that is, I pointed out to the blood bank that I am currently using this substandard blood myself but they wouldn’t budge).
MG3 can’t give blood because of her low bodyweight (she’s a gymjunkie).
That really only leaves poor MG4 who is o-negative so she has the blood bank calling her more often than is comfortable.
So, you can see that the people who can physically give blood are very special and precious.
I’ve done it again, haven’t I? Sorry. Enjoy your Wednesday and we’ll try to send this beautiful Sydney rain down to Victoria.
EG xxx
Hi Craig,
Gee have you been checking up on me that lady sounds so like me in many ways.
My hassle is my scales they rule my day,my life,my existence. I threw them away a few months ago and then gave into temptation and bought another one. Can you come live with me for a few months I need your kicks in the bottom
Hey Craig ! Off topic here but just wanted to let you know that my sis and my daughter are both still OK. Sister is at her son’s place in Mt Evelyn until she hears that Healesville is safe, and there haven’t been any reports about Millgrove so daughter stayed put.
) Feels good.
Came up with what I thought was a good idea to try to help out a little. Emailed my guest list for my 60th party coming Friday and asked them to please make a donation to the bushfire fund rather than buying me pressies
{{HUG}} Tina
I set some great goals with my trainer on Monday. Tuesday I TOTALLY sabotaged myself. Today I'm sitting here eating M&M's while I read this. Gah!!! Is there ANY hope for me?
On a positive note. My training session was my first for the year (after the Christmas break) and my trainer commented that I have made some good progress both physically and mentally. If I'm starting to get my head in the right place about what I can achieve physically, perhaps there is hope for me yet on the eating front.
I figure I can't afford to give up. The results are way more disastrous than I can bear to imagine.
Craig my weight watchers goal is 68 kilos. Going to try it on and see how it fits.
I got my tshirt thanks, pic of me on blog wearing it sexily. LOL. Scroll down past the tree kangaroo pics (great animal btw).
Thanks Craig,
Joanne.