Towel throwers and ball droppers
People often ask me why it is that they seem to have so much trouble sticking with their commitment to changing certain behaviours and habits; doing what they need to do to create the results they want for their life. Even though they desperately want to change something about their existence, it seems that invariably there comes a time when they simply stop whatever it was that they started. They drop the ball. Throw in the towel. Put the cue in the rack.
Start-stop-aholics
Why we do that is a very relevant question for most people because the vast majority of us have a history of starting and stopping certain behaviours. Time and time again. Things that we should do consistently, but for some reason, we don’t. In reality, most of us know what we need to do. And for a while, we do it. Then we stop. Again. And then we start. And stop again. As I’ve said repeatedly on this site and many times in my workshops, we’re champs at almost doing stuff. Masters of incompletion. We have enough reasons to do it, we have the time to do it (despite what we tell others) and we certainly have the potential to create amazing results, but for some reason we seem to be start-stop-aholics.
A few (seemingly irrelevant) questions:
Q. Why do you take a shower each and every day? (please tell me you shower every day!)
A. Because programmed into your ‘how-to-live-your-life’ hard-drive is a command that says you must wash every day. For you, it’s not an optional behaviour, it’s part of your normal running pattern. As a result, you have no motivational problems and no discipline issues when it comes to your personal hygiene (I hope). It’s just a thing you do on auto-pilot. The thought of not washing doesn’t occur to you because cleanliness is one of your non-negotiable habits.
Q. Why do parents change those stinky nappies (diapers) with no hesitation and no motivational problems? Surely that’s gotta be one of the least enjoyable and desirable tasks?
A. Because there is nothing in their child-raising ‘program’ (the one running in their head) that tells them that wiping their kid’s butt is optional. It’s simply something which needs to be done. They don’t give themselves the option of not doing it. Again, another non-negotiable in their daily routine.
Q. Why does the mother run into the burning building with no hesitation to save her child?
A. Because in her mind there is no other option. No brainer.
Q. Why do so many of us who want to get in shape (whatever that means for us individually) fail to do so, even though we know exactly what to do, and why we should do it?
A. Because we haven’t made the relevant body-changing habits non-negotiables in our life. On some level we still consider optimal eating and consistent exercise to be optional. Of course we do, otherwise we’d never have the start-stop problem.
Too many of us are out of shape (physically, emotionally, financially, professionally) because we haven’t made certain behaviours and habits non-negotiables in our life. You know the ones I mean. Somewhere in that lump on top of your shoulders you still consider some things to be optional, that’s why you continue to go around in circles in certain areas of your life.
You may not even be aware of your ‘optional mindset’ but if you have a history of almost getting things done, then I’m talking to you. Do you like ending up in the same place all the time? Didn’t think so. Until you and I make those occasional behaviours, non-negotiable habits we won’t see forever results and we won’t see genuine change.
You know what to do.
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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Craig,
Good post, although I think you may have missed one… not knowing what to do. Not knowing what to eat, or not knowing what to exercise. I gotta admit, my knowledge of nutrition is limited to knowing I shouldn’t drink lots of alcohol and crisps. If I were to walk in to a store today to buy a weeks worth of healthy food that is going to provide me with a good balance, I wouldn’t know where to start.
And with that, I just took the first step to solving a problem… I admitted I have a problem (or a gap in my knowledge). I think it’s time I found a way (research. hiring somebody) to fill that knowledge gap.
Hi Craig,
Fantastic post. It is so true…..
I feel like i just got an ass kicking…… this is one of my favourite posts this year because it is the hard truth and so simple and logical…
Mr Harper,
Greetings from Venice Beach!
I am interested to know, as may be some of your other fans, when it was that AMAZING became a non-negotiable for you in your life? What made you decide? It is a decision, right? Is it a once off decision for you in every aspect of your life? Or do you make it on a case-by-case basis? In fact, are you really, truly amazing across-the-board?
P.S. Only ONE shower a day?
P.P.S (yes, that’s correct literary etiquette) Nice of the baldman to post a pic of his marathon run!
Oh my god! This post is so inspiring! I never thought about it that way. Maybe, maybe showering is optional after all. If we try, then we can break away from the pattern and consciously decide not to shower. Thank you, Craig.
Was this post written for me?
This is something I have been trying to get my head around in the last week, how I make my new way of eating and exercise routine stick for life… I guess the answer is, I just keep doing it, and stop telling myself that I have an option… Or maybe put the tredmill in the shower?
I have started making some changes. Unless I am involved in a fatal accident, I spin three times a week. This is now not optional..yeah! But now I just have to tackle, cooking, house cleaning, washing, folding, ironing & financial stuff. But at least I am spinning three times a week! It is a continual work in progress..!
Andy
Craig – this came at a perfect time for me and it resonates within me. My exercise has become non-optional. It just is. I work a 24 hour shift at work and I still go to the gym on the way home. There is no other option. Somehow it has happened. I can recognise that I am no-where near that stage with my food though. I clearly need to change the way I think about it and I thank you for making it so clear. I have been “good” for most of the last 18months before falling off the wagon the last week. It changes this morning. It is not optional.
As always, you rock!
Cheers
Bron
Craig:
You are right on the money here. When we make it such that failure is NOT an option, then we have no choice but to succeed.
That’s why I draw up lists each day that show what I am supposed to do each day. I check off the boxes as each thing gets done. By doing that, I make the tasks on the list requirements, as opposed to options.
MrAchievement
Stanley Bronstein
Attorney, CPA, Author, Blogger & Professional Motivational Speaker
Beat ya to it. I had a gym appraisal this morning & after 8 weeks I managed a loss of 3kgs BUT…. a massive 20cm’s off my waist!! WOO HOO!! Yeh the numbers came off in big amounts all over & was totally rapt to get 3cm’s off my calves – I have monster calves, so they look a little less scary IMHO anyway. Sooooo….. what did I do? I booked in for FIFTY personal training sessions. Yep… twice a week with my footy loving PT who ROCKS!! I will aim for at least 2 runs per week. Plus my boxing class. Plus a squash game. Plus a fortnightly hit out at golf. Oh yeh….& take my doggies out for their daily walk. I’m on FIRE!! But thanks for posting this post Craig, cos now I feel much more betterer…..
Pet
xoxoxoxo (bonus ones… can you feel my triceps? They’re awesome)
Thank you for this post, Craig. I like many of your followers needed this especially today. I have set 3 goals for May – which I need to transform into non negotiable! Less soda – More water. Stretching first thing before my shower. Weigh in daily to find a weighted average basis of my weight. My anticipation of June’s goals are exercise and less calorie intake. It is horrific that NON NEGOTIABLE small healthy changes – scare me.
Hi Jamie.
When it comes to what we put in our gob, education is certainly an issue.. but it’s not (usually) THE issue.
Most people know that eating less is better… but they continue to over-eat anyway. The biggest mistake we make with our diet is simply too many cals – it ain’t that complex…
Having said that – it’s certainly a great idea for you to educate yourself so that you can eat optimally for your body and your situation.
Cheers.
Happy to kick your ass Asma.
( )
Hi K-Belle. AMAZING is something I work at every day. I had my first snapshot of what my life could be when I lost 30 kgs (66lbs) at 14 and I began to realise that I could be much more (physically, emotionally, pscychologically) than I had ever imagined or believed.
I’m not inherently amazing at all. This is not some kind of false humility, this is a fact.
I am essentially average (in terms of genetics, potential, etc.); the poster-boy for mediocrity perhaps. But hopefully I will do amazing things in my lifetime and create amazing results because of my attitude and committment to make the most of what I’ve been given and to make a difference in the lives of others.
Stop asking me hard questions!
( )
And for a moment there, I thought you were being sincere Kel.
Nearly.
Funny boy.
Yep, just for you Lauren ( )
Good work Bron.
( )
We’re on the same page Stanley.
I like your thinkin’!
You are welcome Genia.. ( )
Go PET!!
You’re awesome. Keep it up and thanks for the kisses.. x
When I (we) stop asking you the hard questions is when you (we all) stop learning, and therefore stop growing!
…whatcha gonna do about it anyway? ;-D
Listen KB, don’t make me come over there… ( )
Ha. I won’t MAKE you do anything…(that you don’t want to do!)
Hi A.M.
Can you email me? I’ve lost your address… ta.
I would love to know how to flip the “optional” tape to a ” non-negotiable” tape on a few of my own habits.
Thanks!
While I don’t have much trouble with the eating/exercise regimen, I did find your post especially helpful in my self-employed personal business (and why certain things like marketing I tend to let slip through the cracks.) At some level, I must believe that certain things I let slide are optional. Need to change that thinking. I feel another paradigm shift coming!
I really love the idea of non-negotiable. It very much hit home. I am desperate to lose weight-alot of weight and I am realizing I need to change my mindset. Thanks so much and hope you are having a great weekend!