The Impossible Conversation

Over the last twenty five years the gym owner, the motivator, the educator and the exercise scientist (me) has had about twenty million (ish) similar conversations. They all went something like this:

CH: “So, you’re here to get in shape?”
FB: (fat bloke/chick) “Yep.” (enthusiastic response)
CH: “Are you ready to do what needs to be done?”
FB: (slight delay in response) “er, yeah… I guess” (less enthusiastic)
CH: “So, why are you so overweight now?”
FB: “Well my parents are quite big people and most of my family just has that body type.”
CH: “So you think your problem is largely genetic?”
FB: “Yep… and I also think it’s age-related.”
CH: “The weight gain is because you’re getting older?”
FB: “Yeah, that’s part of it.”
CH: “Okay… How’s your diet?”
FB: “Yeah (pause).. uhm, overall pretty healthy.”
CH: “Really?”
FB: “Er… (looking at the floor)… yeah… mostly.”
CH: “So why haven’t you been exercising lately?”
FB: (starting to fidget) “Well, I have had a lot of issues with my back… and my ankle plays up a bit when it’s cold.”
CH: “But you’re not injured at the moment?”
FB: “Er… not as such, no.”
CH: “Not as such?”
FB: “No.”
CH: “So why aren’t you exercising right now?”
FB: “For me it’s mostly a time issue.”
CH: “So you’d like to be exercising but there’s not enough hours in the day?”
FB: (shifting in seat) “Pretty much.”
CH: “You joined a gym a year ago but only went for three weeks, what happened?”
FB: “It really didn’t work for me, I didn’t like the vibe or the energy of that place.”
CH: “The vibe?”
FB: “Yeah and the staff weren’t very friendly.”
CH: “Anything else?”
FB: “Well, it was a bit of a drive… and by the time I got home it was pretty late.”
CH: “Anything else?”
FB: “Yeah, I found the workout they wrote me to be a bit boring.”
CH: “Does a workout need to be entertaining?”
FB: Goofy facial expression, no response.
CH: (now fantasizing about slapping FB) “You said your brother is a personal trainer, why aren’t you working out with him?”
FB: “Er, oh yeah… well.. he’s kinda busy and I.. aaah, well.. it’s… wow, that’s a cool clock!”
CH: “So you know that all those business lunches are a big part of your problem, don’t you?”
FB: “Yeah but that’s an important part of my job, I have to entertain clients so I don’t really have a choice with that.”
CH: “Really?”
FB: “Well, I can’t be seen as anti-social, it’s not good business.”
CH: “Bad business huh?”
FB: “Yep.”
CH: “Is that a chocolate bar sticking out of your pocket?”
FB: “Oh yeah, it’s a treat for my son when I get home.”
CH: “Is he overweight by any chance?”
FB: “Er.. a little.”
CH: (now visualising my forehead making contact with FB’s nose) “Perfect.”

Now here’s the conversation I dream of having:

CH: “Why are you so fat?”
FB: “I eat too much, I make poor choices, I’m lazy, I waste time, I make excuses, I’m precious, I find reasons to get offended, I procrastinate, I complain, I lie about my habits, I never finish anything, I look for shortcuts, I avoid anything hard, I blame my genetics and my age, I medicate with alcohol and I’ve always had a terrible attitude.”
CH: “So your biggest problem is you?”
FB: “Yep.”
CH: “Ready to change all that?”
FB: “Absolutely.”

I wonder if I’ll ever have that conversation?

Postscript:

Don’t forget Groovers, tomorrow (Friday) is our first update day for our little Shove with Love project. So all you crazy kids who committed to changing one nasty-ass habit over 28 days are required to provide the rest of us with a little(ish) update as to how you’re travelling heading towards the end of week one. I look forward to hearing about your progress… enjoy your day.

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