Ladies and gentleman of the jury, it is my contention that the blogoshpere is in fact a dangerous place to live.
Bad for one’s physical health.
Nice place to visit… but not to inhabit.
And today, I intend to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that there exists an indisputable relationship between the advent of the blogoshpere and the physical decline of modern society.
While the sociological, educational, psychological, emotional and potential commercial benefits have been well documented, it is the dire physiological consequences which are often overlooked and need to be evaluated and considered, should one wish to be a regular traveller to the blogosphere, also known as… Fat City.
A year ago (pre-blogoshpheric outings) this writer was a finely-tuned elite athlete, complete with incredible eye-sight, amazing posture, deltoids like bowling balls, the lung capacity of a cross-country skier, arms like a pro-wrestler and the waist of an Olympic gymnast (my blog, my fairytale accurate, historical account).
Twelve months down the track I have the eye-sight of an ninety year-old man, the posture of a fourteen year-old girl with no self-esteem, lungs like a long-term smoker, arms like a fat accountant and the waist of a sixty five year-old taxi driver.
I look like a donut with hair on top.
Spending an increased amount of time at my computer over the last year has seen my overall energy expenditure (how many calories I burn each day) plummet.
And this decline has facilitated an increase in my… er, dimensions.
I’m not putting any more cals in, just using less.
My daily energy expenditure is now somewhere behind that of the dugong and the hibernating bear.
I’m still training five days per week but when I’m not lifting or cycling, generally I’m doing what I’m doing right now (or similar); burning about four calories per hour.
What us geeks refer to as ‘incidental and occupational activity’ (the cals we burn doing our job and the cals we burn incidentally over a normal day)… is down.
Way down.
Through the floor.
Sure I still exercise, but when I’m not exercising, I’m a statue.
And contrary to popular belief (desperate hope), those excess cals don’t convert to massive pecs. Just yesterday I looked up the term ‘lard-ass’ in my illustrated dictionary and there was a picture of me blogging.
My goldfish has a higher BMR (cals burned at rest) than I do.
And he’s only two inches long.
Sure, he swims twenty four hours a day… but it still ain’t fair.
He doesn’t even cross-train!.
If I was to get all sciencey (yep, a word), I’d say that there exists a direct correlation between my time on the keyboard and the magnitude of my gut. And I may even hypothesize that there exists an inverse relationship between time spent blogging and my level of aerobic fitness.
And I could definitely postulate that blogging can in fact shorten one’s life expectancy.
I’d even suggest that we could put the terms ’smoking, junk food and excessive computer-use’ all in the one basket; the ‘bad-for-your-health’ basket.
Okay, right now shut your eyes for a few seconds and visualise an auditorium full of bloggers.
Waddya see?
Not pretty is it?
Rest my case.
Research (mine) tells me that it ain’t just bloggers (specifically) who are at risk, it’s all frequenters of the Internet and computer-users in general. So for the duration of this little monologue of mine, feel free to inter-change the term ‘blogger’ with ‘relevant computer-user’ (for you)… you may be a blogger, a kid who spends his or her life playing computer games, someone who sits at a computer for their job, a student or yer run-o-the-mill Internet junkie.
Okay, I may be manipulating reality a weeny bit when it comes to my current physical state but the truth is that I have gained some pounds, my eyesight is degenerating and I constantly need to be mindful of my posture.
(The twenty four cheesecakes I received for my birthday may have been a factor!!!)
While the Internet and computers in general are an amazing resource, I am being totally serious (something new) when I say that there is a very real physical cost for sitting at a keyboard for so many hours.
If we computer users do not have a practical approach to counter the effects of sitting for such extended periods of time, we will suffer the physical consequences… not probably or maybe; definitely.
So…
Over the last month I have developed a very time-efficient, cost-effective (free), practical exercise strategy to deal with ‘computer-itis‘; I’ve called it ‘The Computer Junkie’s Guide to Fitness’ and anyone can do it, anywhere.
Realising that most of us are not (necessarily) passionate about exercise, I have designed something which is practical, realistic, effective and will suit any fitness level.
It takes about four to eight minutes, is done every hour you’re at your computer, requires no change of clothes and no gym equipment. It ain’t gonna get you a place on the Olympic team but it will absolutely change how you look, feel and function if you do it.
See…. one of the benefits of connecting with a blogger who is also an exercise scientist is that after you become addicted to my blog, I can help you fix your crappy posture and do something about your love handles.
Program tomorrow.
* Say hi, share your thoughts and let us know where you’re from.
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Here’s an idea…….
Stick your ‘lard-ass’ on a tready (yep also a word!!!) whilst your doing your blogging on a laptop…
Don’t need to be a scientist to work that one out!!!!
No more cheesecake for you buddy!!!! hehehehahahah
I thought you said you were looking after you?????
Sounds like someone needs some love!!!! hehehehahahah
Have fun…. Be good to you.
KK
Hiya Craig,
Finally there is a benefit to having children that need CONSTANT supervision, only get to sit at the computer in 5 minute segments….I can lend them to you…
Cheers
Janine
LOL Craig! Awesome post!
You’ve made me REALLY REALLY appreciate my job and all the jobs I’ve done! Currently am a flat out baker/counter hand and food prep person all in one in a busy place, have done strawberry picking, zucchini picking/packing, waitressing, function work, much housekeeping/cleaning, kitchen handing, strawberry picking, zucchini picking and packing, walking down rows in paddocks of seedlings to pull and dig out weeds/thistles! Also deli work and bar work at a long busy bar. Anyway in all my jobs I’m always grubby or down right dirty at end of day, – and all jobs have required me to be deft, quick on feet and efficient, lifting 20kg loads for big distances very regularly and now multi tasking being assistant manager.
Add to that, – I çurrently don’t own a car, (oppose to paying for parking or fuel when I can walk, bike, or train or bus it) so I walk or cycle everywhere. Then add training.
Actually I only sit on my butt about 2-3 at most hours each day, – and feel entitled to it LOL! Butt plonked on couch, laptop on knee and the news on TV in front of me, mag beside me. Oh, – and horizontal about 6 hours a night.
There is all the clothes washing that comes from dirty work and training, requiring clothes scrubbing too!
Shift work, different daily schedules tests one’s body clock though, – need to be prepared if we don’t give in to eating crap!
Pip
Craig
You don’t want to be a statue for too long, especially not where there are pigeons around. Ever heard that quote “some days your the statue and other days your the pigeon?” Is today a statue or pigeon day for you Craig?
I’ve found a few ways to get a little exercise at work. I know this will sound weird but it does wake up the blood during the day. Everytime i go to the toilet i do a few squats. No not for THAT reason i’m talking actual squats here (yes i keep my pants on while doing it in case u were wondering). God this sounds bad so far. Anyway after doing 10 squats i’ll do some push ups against the back of the toilet door. Push ups against the door may not seem like a big deal but it is if you are a 90kg heifer and don’t have enough upper body strength to climb out of bed. I was trying to figure out away to do some crunches while i’m in there as well but there is just no way. Oh yeah and after i’ve done the pushups i’ll do a few chain punches but only if there is noone in the toilet because punching the air makes me breath too heavily. Sometimes i’ll jog a little from my workstation to the toilet, you know to warm up a little but i only do that if no one is watching cause i don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. But i only do the squats and pushups if there is noone else in the other stall cause someone will find out and spread rumours and there is no way i want to end up in the company newsletter gossip section under the heading “Guess Who…”
And if you think my toilet workout won’t get your heart working try it. It’s amazing what u can do in a little space.
So say during my working day (5 days per week)if i pee at least 4 times a day and i do 10 push ups, 10 squats and 20 chain punches time, it adds up you know. Yes its crazy but for someone like me who has a hard time getting the energy to do a workout when i get home, these little things get me in the mood for a workout later and keeps me from falling asleep in front of my computer when i get bored.
Ange-Sydney
Bloated blokes blogging blows.
I had to say that for the love of alliteration.
BRILLIANT!
Looking forward to the guide.
Cheers,
Snoskred
http://www.snoskred.org
Craig oh Craig!
This is why I keep coming back:
“My goldfish has a higher BMR (cals burned at rest) than I do.
And he’s only two inches long.
Sure, he swims twenty four hours a day… but it still ain’t fair.
He doesn’t even cross-train!.”
Unmistakably Craig Harper!
Jahnavi,India.
Craig, I love your insight and your take on life but mostly I love your humor – it’s why I keep coming back. You are one funny fu**er and an amazing communicator.
Thanks.
KK,
A treadmill with a built in lap-top… there’s an idea!
Hi Janine… er thanks anyway!
Hi Pip.
You make me feel lazy!
Hi Ange.
I love your honesty; it’s refreshing and hilarious!!
Don’t stop.
Hi Kel.
ok.
Hi Snoskred.
Thanks man.
Hey Jahnavi.
Thanks Buddy…
Where in India?
Hi Ben.
Too kind Dude.
Hi Craig,
Just found photo of you
here without the hair.
Love your blog!
Claire.
You never answered my question. Who’s doing the shitting in your life Craig?
Ange-Sydney
Hi Craig…
First off, my name is Tami, and I have a problem. I began this blogging addiction as a size 4… I am now in a size 6… not loosely I might add.. (oh, is this not a 12 step program?)
I am writing this as I lick some icing off my lips from a cupcake…. damn work celebration… the madness must end.. weighed myself moments ago… I am 7.5 lbs overweight for my ideal weight…. but would like to drop 10, because,…. well because that’s why!
I am impatiently awaiting tomorrow’s post… but until then no more cupcakes….I have alot coming up… many (you hate this part) occasions to be fit for…. 1st week in December- Christmas ball, satin gown… ladies.. we all know how unforgiving satin is…
January- well, that’s private……. and Feb, coed soccer season…
much to do and I can’t be a rolly polly for any of them…I am still working out but it has been a bit ineffectual lately due to my cold…intervention is in order…soooooo… hurry up already!
()
Tami
Hi Tami.
That’s why I never wear satin.
( )
Hi Ange.
Er, slightly confused..but I think I’m the shit(er) not the shit(ee) that would make the me the pigeon!
Cheers
Craig,
$500.00 on gym equipment, that would buy a lot of cheesecake.
Hey there Chunky Butt!!(I was going to write Lard Arse but thought that was too provocative!!)
Seems to me the Personal Trainer Extraordinaire needs his own Personal Trainer!! Though, when I saw you last, the extra poundage was not noticeable so I wouldn’t fret too much over it!
Another fantastic post written as only you can!! Can wait for ‘The Computer Junkie’s Guide to Fitness’ to be posted!
Cheers
SkaterBoy
WELL – i have a HEAP to say about this topic.
I began working in an office full time about 5 years ago – prior to this i always worked on my feet in retail and NEVER had weight issues. I AM THE OFFICIAL BEARER OF AN OFFICE ASS!!! and not only do i have an OFFICE ASS my wrists are playing up and my fingers go funny due to all of the time in front of a keyboard. Which has made me wonder… could i set an exercise bike up in the office with my keyboard and mouse strapped to the handle bars??
I just moved house on the weekend. There has never been a phone line connected in the new house so i have been without a phone line and the internet (heaven forboade) for almost a week at my new home! I have been kicking back thinking to myself “look at how much extra time i seem to have on my hands” until it was taken away i didn’t realise how much time i ‘wasted’ on the internet.
Yes it’s a fantastic tool; but it has made me relaise i should spend more time with my live in town friends than the countless hours i spend updating my ‘facebook’ friends!
Moral of the story – when i turn on the computer its going to have a purpose….i didnt realise how much time i lost due to having the internet on at home!@
Yes loved the post but more interested in how Johnnie went in the Melb Marathon.
Looking forward to seeing the program, I have just started a Masters this year and I am finding during semester that I am in front of the computer a lot. 1st semester, I stopped exercising completely (which is the one thing you should not do..lol) I know this but I was a stress ball trying to study with 2 small children and I was working part time. But I put on 2 kg in I st semester=12 weeks…omg! Anyway 2nd semester (which is over already as I did an intensive subject) is over, but I was more organised and fitted my workouts in this time, and made them a priority. And as everyone in my house knows that when I am working out I am much saner, when I am happy so is everyone else!
Anyway looking forward to the next 3 months off before summer semester and having to be glued to the computer.! Andy QLD
Hi Michelle… the bald man completed the marathon in just over four hours… not bad for a bloke with way too much muscle and weight to run marathons!!
( )
Hello Anon.
A lot of cheesecake indeed!!
Hi Andy…
it’s up.
Wait no more.
( )
Hi Craig
This article strikes a chord with me. Seven years ago I spent up to 20 hours a day on my computer, mostly chatting in chatrooms. It became my social life. I was already overweight, but that became the least of my problems. Due to my inactivity I developed Deep Vein Thrombosis in my upper thigh. Deadly – I am lucky to be here today.
As a result of this I later found out that I have a genetic disorder that predisposes me to blood clots. Useful information sure – glad I know. But i dont regard that as the cause of my DVT. It was my ‘addiction’ to my computer and laziness. Pure and simple.
Needless to say my life has changed dramatically. In fact, during the time it has taken to type this comment, I have had to get up twice as I get very restless if sitting for more than 10 minutes.
So anyway, love your site, love your message, love your style.
Ciao for now!