Pringles for Breakfast.

So last Friday Johnnie and I flew north to the thriving metropolis of Brisbane (BrisVegas as our lovely host Lisa called it) to do some work for a few hours and spend some quality alpha-male bonding time together.

I could share lots of mildly amusing stories about Johnnie’s propensity to slip into uncontrollable total-body, neuro-muscular twitching as he slides into la-la land while wedged between me and a freaked-out nineteen year-old girl on the flight home.. but that would be inappropriate and an invasion of the bald man’s privacy.

And we know I’m all about discretion… so I’m not going there.
No, I’m not telling.
You can’t make me.
Not a word.
Especially the bit about him dribbling on his collar as he lapsed into a coma.
I wouldn’t even mention it.
No point.
What possible personal development benefit could there be in that?
None.

Don’t worry Johnnie, I’ll protect your reputation.
Good thing I’m around huh?

Johnnie?
Where are you going?
Come back.
I didn’t tell them about the ‘other’ thing.
And anyway, no-one can really prove that.
I believed you when you said it was the guy in 17B.
Coulda been him or perhaps something really had died in the cargo hold.
A long time ago.
Either way, I believe it wasn’t you and that’s the main thing.

Needless to say, it was a fun day for both of us and as always, I had a great time ‘people watching’.
People teach me stuff without ever knowing it.
Some of the best lessons are from twenty feet away.

Our flight left at 7am and not long after lift-off one of the fifteen year-old flight attendants instructed us to peruse the fabulous ‘in-flight’ menu as the ‘crew’ were about to move through the cabin to take our order.

Well, you can imagine how excited the ex-fat kid was to explore the incredible range of culinary delights on offer on the Virgin Blue flight from Melbourne to Brisbane on a Friday morning.
Very.

Gotta say… the excitement faded kinda quick.
Oh well.

So I went for the Chicken and salad wrap.
Weird breakfast choice I know, but if you saw the options, you’d understand my rationale.
It was the wrap or Johnnie’s arm.
So I spared his limb.
He needs it to work on the website.
So selfless I am.

Sure the greasy cooked breakfast looked pretty fascinating (and proved to be a popular choice with many of the patrons… still can’t understand why we’re such a fat nation – I’ll look into it) and of course, the Pringles had a certain level of appeal but I figured that my endomorphic, thirty five year-old (am so) body didn’t really need a shit-load of fat, salt and starch before eight am.
Or ever, in fact.

Plus, I really didn’t wanna stand in front of an audience two hours later talking about ‘Complete’ Health’ with Pringles on my breath… might not help with the credibility thing.

However, if cheesecake was an in-flight option… things may have been different.
All the food groups right?
I digress.

My first interesting lesson for the day was one in decision making.
I’ve said many times (and been criticised for it) that for most people (even those who may have genetic challenges – like me), obesity is a choice.

Yes, it is a consequence of what we choose to put in our mouth and how many calories we choose to expend in a day (via general activity and structured exercise).
Yes, there are many variables but the biggest determinant of obesity is without doubt, what we do to our body.
No we can’t change our genetics, but yes we can totally control our calorie intake and expenditure.
But we don’t.

But we do constantly look for shortcuts, quick-fixes and ‘miracle cures’.
We don’t need a miracle, we need self control.
We need a different attitude.
We need to follow a program for more than a week.
We need to finish what we start.

Unfortunately people like me are selling something that (many) people don’t want to buy; the truth.
Facts.
Reality.

And then some of us wake up one day in a body we don’t want, living a life we don’t want… and get cranky at God.
And our parents.
And the ‘Fat Fairy.’

Anyway, we all know that God has been feeding us all that crap for the last five (ten, twenty, thirty) years…
Yep, we sure love the ‘Blame’ game.
We’re champions at it.
And it’s so much more enjoyable than the ‘Personal Responsibility’ game.

So there I was on my way to the Sunshine State, sitting near the window, Johnnie in the middle seat dribbling on himself (nah, that was later) and a large-ish (okay, morbidly obese) lady was on the aisle seat sitting next to Johnnie.
She weighed one forty (300lbs) easy.
She was just over five foot.

For breakfast she chose a can of Pringles and a coke.

And today she’ll walk around in a body she hates.
And tomorrow.
And she’ll be mad at God.
And the world.
And she’ll tell her friends how she ‘can’t’ lose weight no matter what she tries.
And she’ll feel sorry for herself.

Soon she’ll try some diet pills.
Again.
Or maybe one day if she can save enough, gastric by-pass surgery.
There’s an idea.

Some of the ‘experts’ and her ‘friends’ have told her that she “needs to get to the ‘emotional root’ of this over-eating problem before she will ever be liberated in a physical sense”.

This expert says… crap.

She had some trauma in her past (join the club) so she needs Pringles and Coke for breakfast?
Now I’m gettin’ grumpy.

It’s moronic psycho-babble like that which enables people to stay in their fat bodies and to get on and off the weight-loss merry-go-round for their whole miserable, obese life.

“Why are you so offensive” some people say to me.
Am I offensive… or honest?
Maybe both.
I’m happy to be moderately offensive if it gets people into reality.
And actively moving towards a practical solution.
Maybe some people need to be offended.
Maybe in an effort to protect our emotional selves we’re killing our physical selves?

It is NOT okay to eat yourself to oblivion no matter what has happened in your past or how much emotional baggage you’re carrying.
If we wait until we ‘fix’ all our emotional stuff (good luck with that) before we really address the physical stuff… more than likely we’ll end up fat and dysfunctional.
We’ve all got baggage and issues.
We all carry pain.
Me included.
Welcome to the human experience.
Don’t confuse being human with being unable to lose weight or creative positive, forever results.

When will we all stop talking crap and get real and practical about this issue?
If I start a club will you join?

Choose different, do different, create different.
How dare I make it sound so simple and straight forward.

Life and all it’s challenges (including our health) is as hard as we make it.
That’s my truth.

It can be yours if you choose.

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