Moving Beyond Instant Gratification.

Have you ever witnessed someone who is obese, depressed about their lack of health and fitness, embarrassed by their appearance and ‘allegedly’ desperate to lose weight, stuff themselves with junk food on a regular basis?

Of course you have. We all have. Maybe that person was/is you. There have been times in my life when that person was me. This kind of irrational, unhealthy behaviour doesn’t just start and finish with food. It happens with drugs, alcohol, sex (in destructive relationships), with spending money that we don’t have (some call it retail therapy) and with a range of other feel-good, but ultimately destructive, habits which give us a short-lived pleasure hit, often to be followed by a much longer period of regret, depression, anger and even, self-loathing. You know what I mean. You’ve been there. You may even be there right now.

So why do we do it?

Two key reasons:
1. We do it because it helps us ‘escape’ something (momentarily) – a feeling, a mood, a situation, a depressing reality. But in truth, we don’t really escape anything at all – we simply put it off. Put our head in the sand for a while. Delude ourselves. Numb out. Sometimes for years. On some level, we naively hope that things will somehow ‘work themselves out’. What an unrealistic, stupid, lazy and irresponsible attitude. If you don’t know that things don’t work themselves out by now – then you best learn. Quickly. Your best life (body, career, financial situation, relationships) won’t magically manifest on its own. You will create it. Or not.

2. We do it because it feels good and on some level, we’re all pleasure junkies. We love stuff that makes us feel good – preferably in the next two minutes. For some, that instant hit is a hamburger or some chocolate, for others it will be a joint, a cigarette or some booze, for the animal lover it might be rolling around the floor with a puppy, and for some, it will be the rush of endorphins that comes with their early morning run. Clearly not all ‘pleasure hits’ are bad for us, so for today we’ll address the unhealthy stuff. Of course.

This is how the internal dialogue might go:

“If I eat this (insert junk food of choice) right now, I will have instant pleasure (what we’re all about) and I’ve had a crap day (here it comes) so I really deserve something yummy (rationalise, justify, make ourselves feel better about what we’re about to do). And anyway, if I don’t eat it right now, I won’t have instant weight loss (there’s an interesting concept), so what’s the point? (poor baby) I’m 100kgs (220lbs), so one more pizza is really no biggie. I can start my new diet (number 738) tomorrow (hey, what a great idea – pity we live in ground hog day where tomorrow never actually comes).”

Change is uncomfortable and ‘amazing’ has a price.

For a range of different reasons, we have an aversion to pain and discomfort. Sometimes that’s good and sometimes that’s bad. There’s some pain we should avoid and there’s some that we should embrace, or at the very least, be prepared to deal with. Of course I’m not talking about embracing the type of pain that comes with hitting your thumb with a hammer, no, I’m talking about being prepared to work through the pain and discomfort that comes with addressing those long-term issues, problems and challenges (you know), breaking those destructive habits and creating some new healthy behaviours. For LIFE.

In his amazing book The Road Less Travelled, M. Scott Peck addressed this subject (and many others) with much more eloquence, depth and detail than I can in this short article, but essentially he spoke of the notion of building our best ‘self’ and our best life by delaying gratification (via self-control and discipline).

Like me, he was big on discipline (sadly, he passed away in 2005).

Very early in his book he shares the profoundly simple truth that “life is difficult.” Clearly not the message that many people want to hear. And often not a message that many self-help ‘experts’ are prepared to share. I admire him for telling the truth rather than trying to win a popularity contest.

While he went on to sell many books and be very successful, his honesty, his straight-forward approach and his philosophy was not embraced by everybody.

Only the smart ones.

In talking of the importance of discipline, he described four aspects of it:

1. Delaying gratification.
Sacrificing present comfort for future gains (what we’re talking about today).
2. Acceptance of responsibility.
Accepting responsibility for one’s own decisions (and being fully responsible for our life reality).
3. Dedication to truth.
Honesty, both in word and deed (starting with being honest with ourselves).
4. Balancing.
Handling conflicting requirements.

I know today’s lesson is a little heavy and that I have spoken bluntly, but I believe that this particular message is extremely important and relevant to the vast majority of us who are serious about living an amazing, rewarding and fulfilling life. Serious about change. We say that we want to learn, grow and improve ourselves but sometimes we do everything in our power to not learn. We consciously avoid those situations and circumstances that would force us to adapt and evolve. And SO MANY of us are still going around in circles. Reading lots, changing nothing.

When we really grow is when we let ourselves be tested, when we scrape our knees and fall down a few times. We learn the best lessons when we ride the bumpy, sometimes-painful, roller-coaster of life. A little short-term pain for some long-term gain. Until we move beyond our ‘what’s-in-it-for-me-right-now’ mindset, we will be forever trapped in a reality that we don’t really want. Frustrated, unfulfilled and wasting our time and significant potential.

Treading water in a sea of mediocrity.

Sometimes we have a tendency to analyse and re-analyse things inside-out, upside-down and back-to-front, but now and then we just need to toughen up. I’m suggesting that for some of us, today should be the day. If this article has pushed a button or two, or even made you a little uncomfortable then guess what?

You know what.

Let me finish today’s lesson with a cool quote that summarises part of the great man’s teaching:

“Peck defines discipline as the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problems. These tools are delaying gratification, assuming responsibility, dedication to the truth, and balancing. These are techniques of suffering, means by which we experience the pain of problems in such a way as to work through them and solve them successfully, learning and growing in the process. Most of us do not want to wrestle with our problems because of the pain involved. Yet, it is only in grappling with our problems that life has its meaning. Delaying gratification is the process by which we learn to meet and experience pain first, and then enjoy pleasure. By doing so, we enhance the joy of pleasure.”
(Thankyou Mr Wikipedia)Enjoy your day.

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