Hi Kids. Short and sweet today. And blunt. Hope you’re not feeling presh.
“Whether I am lean or fat is a matter of genetic management, not genetic disposition”.
The Decisions We Make
It’s been said that for those of us not living in a third-world country, our life reality is largely – if not totally – a reflection of the decisions we make – and don’t make. What we do with what we’ve been given. And yes, by not making a decision, we are making a decision. In fact, it’s impossible to ‘not’ make a decision because to avoid making a decision we have to choose that course of action – which means that we have made a decision. If you know what I mean. It’s also been said that for the most part, happiness or misery is a choice (with the obvious exception being the person who is genetically predisposed to depression). As is obesity (a choice, that is). People often get mad when I make statements like these because they would rather blame someone or something else for their current less-than-desirable reality. Apparently it’s easier and allows them to justify and rationalise. And to continue doing nothing. Nothing that will create a better reality, that is. This is commonly called responsibility transferal. Or the blame game. I call it self-delusion. Sometimes I call it bullshit. If they can make it someone else’s fault then (1) they are entitled to their anger - very important to them – they love being grumpy and they love to blame (2) it’s beyond their control – how convenient and (3) they deserve some sympathy and attention – also important to them. Even the way people respond to this brief post today will be varied and self-determined. What I write is not nearly as important and how people choose to respond to it. Some will consider it, some will act on it, others will disregard it and one or two might tell me I’m an ignorant, opinionated tool who over-simplifies complex issues. Again, all viable choices.
Choosing Obesity
“But Craig, you don’t understand my situation or my genetics” people will often say to me. And my reply will be, “if you choose to eat more food than you need, to put junk in your mouth, to drink alcohol often, to not exercise consistently, to ignore what you know, to be a victim, to be all about the problem and not the solution and to never finish what you start, then you’ve chosen your present physical reality – whatever that is.” Being in good physical shape is not about luck, genetics, time or other people; it’s about your choices – what you do with what you’ve been given. This school of thought is called taking total responsibility for your personal reality. And it’s a good school to attend. At different times on my journey I’ve been both fat and lean – and each time, it was my “fault”. Totally. I created both realities. All by myself. Sure I’ve been born with certain genetics which make it “easier” for me to be a lard-arse but my genetics don’t determine what kind of shape I’m in, my decisions do. Whether I am lean or fat is a matter of genetic management, not genetic disposition. When it comes to my body, I will control what I can (food, exercise, lifestyle, attitude) and not invest any emotional energy into the things over which I have no control (genetics, history, other people, age). And I’ll choose to apply the same logic to the rest of my life.
You?
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As you taught me at RYL Craig, being aware of the problem and then acknowledging it is the start and then making the choices to take action towards a better outcome then rests in our own hands.
I listened. I’m acting and achieved something today that I hadn’t in the past 4 years.
Pennys and light bulbs Craig, pennys and lightbulbs
Alan
Very true Craig
I am fat … as you know … and I got this way by putting stuff in my mouth … lots and lots and lots of stuff.
I am now trying to change that, but your right it is all me.
Bout time we called a spade a spade, i am not large boned, not a larger lady not big …. I am fat.
and I am proud to admit it …. which is very different from being proud to be fat.
look out for a slimmer me soon
Ruth
OMG! Where did you get that photograph of me? Do you have a camera in my bedroom
Wise words Craig….I got this mind set 3 years ago and started exercising and eating healthy. I lost the weight I wanted to lose and have been able to keep it off. I do flucuate around 10 pounds so I keep size 6 and size 8 clothes.
I hope you are doing well Craig and I have decided what I will cook for you when you come this way. It will be a surprise!!
Take care and keep up the good work.
Sheila H in SC
Preachin’ the gospel to the multitudes….
The road to salvation is filled with mirrors and bright lighting!
Thanks for the taste of reality in your Soul food dish!
()
Tami
Love this! It’s so true!
This is something I have been working on for over 2 yrs now and lost 75 lbs plus the weight of the world in emotional baggage (still working on that also). As I lose the weight I become less and less sympathetic towards those who are unwilling to change and instead choose to play the blame game. I did it for years and I am a master of it.
You have to choose your destiny, harness your potential and hang on for the ride! Becuase it’s amazing when you finally discover what “feeling good” is all about!
Kudos to you for writing about an often unpopular subject.. taking ownership of your decisions.
Tiff
I find it interesting that while you will leave the door open to people who are genetically predisposed to depression – i.e., they have valid excuses – but you do not leave the door open for any excuses for people who are fat. These two are often interrelated. Telling a depressed, fat person that they need to suck it up and make better choices probably isn’t going to help them. Telling a fat happy person that they need to suck it up and make better choices, probably isn’t going to help them either. People need tools not words or mantras.
That said, if you give people the tools and resources and then tell them to USE those tools and resources and to quit making excuses as to why they can’t use the tools – well, that’s a different story and many, many people already have the tools and need to be reminded that it is up to them what they do with them.
Morning Craig,
Before RYL I thought it was near on impossible for me to lose weight. I didn’t actually “believe” I could do it because I’d tried so many times before, with very little results.
Since I’ve taken back my power and decided that I want to do this and taken the steps I needed to take to achieve it and voila! It’s like magic … I’ve lost more weight in the last three weeks than I have in the last five years (no joke!). It’s taking self discipline, time, effort – all those things, but proves what you’ve written above that it’s all about me because nothing else in my world but my attitude, belief and commitment has changed in the last three weeks .
Have a great day
Hugs Nell xxx
Good work Big Al – keep it up
I’ll be keeping my eyes open Ruth…
x
Really Sheila?
Thanks Sheila H – I look forward to my suprise..
You’re welcome Tam
( )
75lbs!! That’s fantastic Tiff – good for you. Keep doing what you need to
Hi Cyn – thanks for your thoughts. Here are mine:
1. I don’t see being genetically predisposed to depression as an “excuse” but rather a reason.
2. “you do not leave the door open for any excuses for people who are fat” – it is my experience that while weight-loss it not always quick, easy or painless – the vast majority of people know what to do (move more, eat less, exercise regularly, etc). Also, I have seen people with virtually zero resources create amazing results when they begin to use their potential and get their mind in the right place.
3. Yes, there are some people who are obese as a result of a medical condition or current medication – they are in the minority (in terms of the overall population) – and not really who this article is written for.
4. “Telling a fat happy person that they need to suck it up and make better choices, probably isn’t going to help them either”. Having spent the last twenty eight years helping people change their physiology, I can tell you that SOME times that’s exactly what SOME people need to hear. No, not every person, every time but some people need a little tough love and injection of reality.
5. “That said, if you give people the tools and resources and then tell them to USE those tools and resources and to quit making excuses as to why they can’t use the tools – well, that’s a different story and many, many people already have the tools and need to be reminded that it is up to them what they do with them”.
I totally agree Cyn!
Thanks for your considered thoughts
Well done Nell. I’m proud of you.
It’s always been about you and it always will be – congrats on taking back your power – it feels good doesn’t it?
Keep doing the job and keep us udated.
x
Hi,
Well I had to make the choice NOT to send this POST around my entire office particulary to those who run the ‘anti depression’ & ‘heath & fitness’ club here who clearly display what not to be and how knowing where all the link are on the internet just dont get you the results in reallity.
Look we all have our good and bad, call it genetic disposition to depression, obeseity honesty I dont care! I
t is my reality and at the end of the day diagnose me all you want it doesnt change me.. which is what we are secretly want but when we find out we have to do the word .. we run! Well sookie sooke you! All the tears althought necessary wont help!
I want to live the best reality I can now! So I CHOOSE to put in/use all the tools I possibly can to manage my lot and do this.
If this means, taking my food everywhere I go, excercising 8 times a week so be it… Choosing to be around only positive people, listening to positive things because yes your environement and words do influence… if not sublimally change you (it is what we listen to all day).. I AM happy, I AM in joy, I AM healthy, and to me this is worth more than any excuse I can come up with becuase at the end of day we all know that is what it is .. BECAUSE YES HONEY IT HURTS, BUT BOY WHAT JOY! (loving my triceps today):)
GO CRAIG!
x kATE
Some people NEED to be big if they are to cope with a stressful, crazy-making, bullying environment. Fear makes you fat, literally – because you eat for ‘fight or flight’. Fat gives them the substance to stand their ground. Take away the fat and they capsize. Give them back the fat and they can just about cope again.
And that’s a reason, too – not an excuse.
It bothers me that society puts people under massive stress and then belittles their coping mechanisms. We despise people who do drugs, smoke, drink, self-harm and eat too much or commit suicide – instead of being horrified that our society does that to people (and noticing that WE’re part of that society). We join in with the oppressors instead of prioritising a culture which puts mental and emotional health at the top of the agenda.
Making excuses isn’t healthy. But creating an environment which forces people to seek excuses (because we’re just not honest enough as a society) is no better.
Yeaouch Craigo!
But seriously, tell us what you really think!
I hear you totally – and my attitudes have changed vastly, especially in the last couple of months. And I am seeing the fruits of that now.
To touch on the points raised by Cyn:
As someone genetically pre-disposed to depression (it runs in my family, and I am undergoing treatment for PMDD) I know that, at times, it affects my decision-making. But it is not the reason I have a muffin-top!
Sure, it sometimes triggers the inhalation of lime and cracked pepper chips, but it’s not to blame for my fat-ness! I’m to balme for my fat-ness.
Everyone has their battles to fight, everyone has their journey and this is part of mine. The difference now is that I don’t use it as a cop-out, I manage it actively – exercise, healthy eating and a reasonable intake of protein help, a lot.
The thought that gives me hope is that people have overcome much bigger battles in their lives simply by taking responsibility for their situation, controlling what they can, and letting go of the things they can’t control. Just like you said, Craigo.
Sorry, it’s a bit deep and meaningful … and so early in the morning!
Have a super day everyone!
Em
( ) x
I have been a lurker for awhile now, love your insights and feel compelled to submit my first comment. Your last two posts have set bells to clanging in my head. I am an intelligent woman. I am very fat. Wee bit of an oxymoron, eh? It’s interesting that I quit smoking in 1986 after reading that tobacco companies tailor their ads to a very low reading level and yet I have managed to let my weight balloon as I have. It really is a choice to exercise or not, to eat responsibly or not. And, for the most part I do follow a healthful diet, just too much of one. (Ah….portion control….) And, it’s true that I’d rather curl up with a book than pound the pavement. But I don’t want to be fat anymore. I want my body to work more effectively. I want to feel better. And, that change is up to me, isn’t it?!? Thanks for turning on some light bulbs for me. This is day two for me on my quest for an “improved – and more honest – me”. Please continue your no bullshit approach to change and help me stay on the path!
Chees Kate
Hi Astryngia – we don’t always have to agree (thankfully – the world would be boring), just listen to and respect each other. I don’t totally agree with your thoughts but I do respect you for sharing them! Thanks for dropping by
Thanks for sharing Em x
Thanks for becoming an ex-Lurker Deb – good for you. I’ll keep doing my bit and you do yours! Deal?
Gee, Craig .. I’m SO pleased to see that your course of Diplomacy-Replacement-Therapy is working so effectively!
Clearly a lot of us love your “tough love” style and enjoy that smack between the eyes to get us fired up and making change in our world(s). And why not? Once you get past being offended or having those excuses ready to roll off your tongue, you start to take responsibility for who and what you are. And that in turn results in you taking back your power. And THAT is a feeling like no other.
You need to be fat to face the bullying world we live in, Astryngia? I tend to disagree – I am mentally stronger and more confident as a lean and fit person than I ever was at 40%+ body fat. And I interact with the world in much better, more productive ways, so it isn’t nearly as bullying as it once seemed. Just my thoughts though .. we each live our own reality.
Ruth – your comment brought tears of pride to my eyes. Your honestly is beautiful, and clearly you are taking back your power. Look out world! You go, girl. xx
Tiffany – I agree with you: When you’ve done the hard yards yourself, you have much less sympathy for those who will readily complain, make excuses but not want to get off their butts to do anything about it. Literally!
And Nell – sweetie, your efforts and achievements are awesome, girl! You are the RYL poster child
xx
Suz (Sydney)
Geez Craig……I rocked into work this morning (later than I wanted) fuming!! Firstly at myself cos I had to go back home when I was halfway in (5 mins in) cos I had forgotten my partners clothes that he wanted me to bring in to give to him at work later. So there I am in the car carrying on like a pork chop to myself…..grr grrr grrrrrrrrrrrrrr…… I get home & see that the bag ISN’T where it was meant to be so that I would see it on the way out (it’s dark when I leave) Darling heart had placed it on the floor so he wouldnt knock it off the ledge when he was getting his bike past. Grrr grrr grrr at him now. Cos of course I didnt know this & then realised why I didnt see it….. grr grr… back in the car…. rev rev revvvvvvvvvv…….. screech….. (ok no screeching) I get to work, send him an email saying that I was fuming & he knew I wanted to leave early & why doesnt he help me out sometimes……ya da ya da ya da…..then I read your email & promptly apologised to him. I chose to blame him & in turn be grumpy Pet……. glad I read your email when I did & he apologised again & told me he loved me before my apology. What a great guy to put up with this psycho nut…..but only when I choose to be one!! ha ha ha
And I thought my contribution today was to be about why I’m still a fatty boombah!! ha ha ha ha
I also feel the need to say HI to Lurker Deb……something in your post resonated with me, but I’m not sure what. Maybe the intelligent fat woman part ;-p
Sorry for the epic story here today Craig…..verbal diahorrea…..
Pet
xoxo
Hi Craig, here! here! I’m with you. Currently finding it very difficult now I’ve made the changes required to be living with a partner as you have outlined above. Any tips as to how to deal with or do you think it will just rub off eventually. At the moment we have the digging in of heals. Also a lot of people run a mile when they met the new you, once again any tips.
Yours in change, Julie
Hi Craig,
I hate it when you’re right (again).
I am looking at my body so much differently now. Every cubic centimetre of lard on my butt and thighs is the result of poor choices: choosing chips instead of fruit, choosing to have seconds, choosing to stay home instead of going for a walk, choosing to buy chocolate ‘for the kids’, choosing hot chocolates instead of black tea. Unless someone has been force-fed like a French goose, their extra kilos are the sum total of their choices.
Even though this layer of fat is marvellously insulating in the colder months, I want it off now! I take full responsibility for it being there and I take full responsibility for removing it. I’m grateful for the support I have (especially the RYL group) but ultimately it’s my butt and my hand that lifts food into my mouth.
I’d have to agree with Suz and others that taking responsiblity takes courage but the reward is an incredible feeling of power and accomplishment.
Thanks for the tough love.
Christina xxx
ps. Go Nell! Thanks for the inspiration. Keep at it!
Clearly I missed out on the diplomacy gene Suz. Fortunately for you!
Nice work Pet – love a good story.
With a happy ending
x
Hi Julie – I’m gonna let the other readers take a shot at answering your questions. So Guys – do you have any advice for Julie?
Let’s hear it.
(I’ll chime in later if I feel the need Julie)
Tough love is my speciality Christina
x
Hi guys,
Interesting problem, Julie. You know what they say: When a man falls in love with a woman, he wants her to stay exactly the same. When a woman falls in love with a man, she can’t wait for him to change.
There is nothing you can do until he decides himself that he needs to change (men can be incredibly stubborn if they feel pressured and will quite happily cut off their noses to spite their faces). You may just have to be patient in the meantime – and make sure that he has very good life insurance!
Christina xxx
Craig,
I love it when you talk blunt… Keep it coming.
I have lost 20 kgs in the past year but with 10 to go I have given up over the last few months as it all became too hard…..
I so need to hear this type of talk… Its time to now get off my a*se and stop making excuses…
You are the best!!
Mary
Ahh, Julie .. a subject very close to my heart – and experience! Will try to control myself here .. for everyone’s sake.
Ultimately, the only person you can control is you. And the person that is the most important in this life, is you. Your soul, your spirit – everything that makes up who you are is what (I believe) you take with you beyond this life. Everything else is temporary.
In a less-than-perfect situation or relationship, you have the choice every day to be there or not. And if you find day after day that you wish you weren’t there, then you’ll make a decision along those lines when you’re ready. I’ve found it easier to not make decisions based on the perceived future and “what-ifs”. Only on what feels right for where I am now .. and not waiting for something to happen or someone to change to finally give me the life I desire.
If you choose to stay in a situation, then try to focus on making the most of it. Remember, you can always change your mind at any time and choose a different path. Keep your power.
Suz
Amen
Hi Craig
There are some of the most interesting responses to your post, this time.
For me I had a good laugh at you writing “…. I call it self-delusion. Sometimes I call it bullshit”
One thought I had: and you will be able to answer this because of your years of experience: if you are either quite short in statue or very tall (genetics) then do you feel that you want to eat LESS than average because you are short AND do you have an exceedingly healthy appetite because you are tall??
How do people with a disability (genetic or other) that doesn’t allow them to exercise as much as an “abled-person” affect their weight?
Mmmm interesting…..
Craig, Suz and Christina …. MWAAAAAH! Thank you and you can be assured I’ll keep you posted
Julie – the best thing I’ve learned is the only person I can change is me and that if I love and believe in myself then that’s all that matters. I hope that doesn’t come across as being flippant, because believe me that has taken me 40 years to be comfortable with – be true to yourself and those that love and respect you will follow.
Hi Julia,
If i am hearing you correctly they are just plain jealous that they dont get up every morning and do what you do, they want what you have and there is only one way to get it as you know… be strong, you will meet better friends who are happy to ahieve, grow, change and enjoy the challenge:)
In regards to living with a partner (cant really advise here) but I do live with people again it is your body, be strong they will either succomb Iwhich is usually the way) to you way ..or? Either they are on your train or not..
Cheers
Kate
Part of this debate is the choice to agree or disagree or sit on the fence with Craig’s views. I’m afraid it’s the last one for me. I too am overweight, but my choice to do something about it stemmed not from bullying comments like this or being discriminated against, but from watching mum’s leg come off due to diabetes and later pass away from it. Now whilst that might still happen, I have the choice and decided to avoid the condition, which has happened that I don’t have type 1 or 2 as I write this.
My point is, being overweight is a choice, to most, but the key is not to listen to people like Craig who seem hung up on the issue. There are tons out there that would like a military style campaign to get us all thin as. It’s a bit like whinging about those on the dole – they are all losers but will you give them a job or help to get one? Nahh too busy they say it’s up to the individual. Well, yes it is, but humans tend to dump their issues onto others based on what they think you or I should be. Yet in the same breath, Craig writes a lot about he should be married or we should avoid listening to those who say we should be X and Y. So if you are overweight, why should you worry because people want you thin? Seems again like a case of say one thing on one part of the site, but then say another when it’s a different issue.
Now, having said that, Craig is wonderful, he talks so much great stuff and I have respect for him, but like any human or animal relationship one disagrees with a person’s or pet’s behaviours or views and that’s ok. But if you read this post, if you are depressed, don’t let others as knowledgable as they are, to allow one to feel bad about one’s self because one is fat, on the dole, depresssed or whatever. As Craig said on another post, its what you allow. So fat may be a a choice, for some it may not, whatever, but the only reason to lose weight is for one’s self, not the kids, not to attract the perfect person, not society with it’s demands to be thin, but because it does make one feel better and from that, as I have found, other things flow. Do it for self, not because any person or organisation or the media wants you to be that matchstick.
Oh and Julie if you ever read this – tough love is fine, but self love and being kind to self, accepting self and doing something about your situation for yourself, not because some idiot won’t look at you, is far better than being admonished by self or others.