The ‘Almost’ Club
Last time I wrote about the propensity we have to not get the job done. Whatever the job may be. Some of us have been almost changing for years. Almost getting in shape. Almost giving up cigarettes, junk food, alcohol, drugs (insert your vice of choice). Almost making better decisions. Almost starting our own business. Almost telling the truth. Almost fixing that relationship. Almost taking responsibility. Almost stopping with the excuses. Almost writing that book. Almost finishing that course. Almost maximising our potential. Almost…. almost… almost. We continually threaten greatness while simultaneously doing stupid. Harsh but true (for many of us).
As always, I can tell you what makes you comfortable or I can tell you what you need to hear.
The Application of the Information
Lasting change happens when we’re ready. Not before. So in reality, reading the information on this site (sitting in my cyber-classroom) will be a waste of time for many people simply because they’re not ready to pay the price. Not ready to do what’s required. To listen. To learn. To acknowledge. To change. To admit. To do. I can write personal development gold (work with me) till I’m blue in the face, but if the student ain’t ready, the student ain’t changing. Which is why some people have read hundreds of self-help books, listened to countless CDs and attended numerous workshops with little or no evidence of change. That’s because transformation ain’t about information; it’s about application. I’ve met people who can quote my writing (word-for-word) while simultaneously applying none of it. Quite the (useless) skill.
So here are some suggestions to help you finish – or perhaps keep doing – what you should.
1. Don’t make emotional or reactive decisions. Behavioural change which arises out of an emotional or reactive decision is rarely maintained. That is to say, these types of decisions don’t work. When the emotion dies down (and it will), so too do the behaviours. Which is why health clubs can sell way more memberships to way more people than their facility could ever accommodate. They (gym owners and sales staff) know that most of those commitments will fall by the wayside not too long after the ink is dry on that water-tight contract. Our inability to follow through is very profitable (and even necessary) for many businesses. If every gym member (100%) optimised their membership – that is, used all the facilities and resources to their potential – many (more) clubs would go broke. High membership numbers (complete with direct-debit payments) plus relatively low gym usage equals a bigger bottom-line for the business… and a bigger bottom for the non-attending member. Good for the club owners, not so good for Mr and Mrs Sixty-Bucks-a-Month. Every month. Potentially life-changing decisions should be the result of much consideration, planning, logic and strategy. Making any potentially significant decision because somebody insulted you is not the ideal starting point for life-long transformation. Neither is doing anything just to prove a point to someone else. By the way, the idea of revenge is much sexier than the reality of it.
2. Don’t start something which is (probably) not maintainable. I’m always amused by the all or nothing brigade. They have the propensity to fluctuate from Lounge Lizard to Exercise Junkie (and then back again) in a matter of months. When we go from zero to sixty in a short period of time, the likely result is exhaustion, burn-out, injury, alienation (from others) and imbalance. Change should be a progressive, gradual and intelligent process. Keep in mind that life-long transformation is about the next three decades (or so), not the next three weeks. The more things we try to change at once, the less likely we are to change anything (at all) over the long term. When we allow our ego to have a voice (in the change process) we drastically diminish our chance of success. The ego is an impatient, attention-seeking show-off. Working with way too many middle-aged blokes who ‘used-to-be’ amazing (apparently) has always been an interesting experience for me – especially on the gym floor.
3. Re-set your default setting. Your default setting is your typical behaviour. That is, what you do without thinking. Your normal. Your comfortable. Some of us change our behaviour (momentarily) without changing our default setting; which means that we’ll always end up back where we don’t want to be. If your default setting is to consume more food than your body needs (for example), then once your diet is over (they always end, don’t they?) you’ll re-commence the (normal) over-eating and regain the weight. Again. And again. You have to; you’re programmed for it. Time to change the program perhaps?
4. Don’t rely on anyone to get you there. It’s great to have people “in our corner” but it’s not great when we can’t function without them. We call that a dependency problem. A negative, not a positive. When we can’t operate – make decisions, embrace certain behaviours, do what we should – without the support of another person, then we’ve given our power away. I’m all for helping people, but I’m not for becoming anyone’s emotional crutch. My goal as a coach is to empower others to be strong, resourceful and most importantly, self-sufficient. And no, I’m not suggesting that we can’t use coaches, therapists, trainers (and so on), I’m suggesting that we shouldn’t swap one addiction or problem for another.
5. Weigh up and accept the cost of change. Okay, you really want different? Then take off the rose-coloured glasses and step into reality. Right now. How does it look? Everything comes at a cost so the relevant question for now is: what are you prepared to pay to get where you want to go? If you’re not prepared to do what it takes (accept the cost), then get another goal, lower your standards or find a way to be happy where you are. It’s my experience and observation that for the most part, success (and therefore failure) comes down to who wants it the most; not who has the most talent. I’m not particularly talented but I’m prepared to get uncomfortable every day of my life. And it works. It’s how I evolve and become a better version of me. People with zero speaking experience often come to me for advice on how to become a professional speaker. When I tell them that they should probably deliver between one and two hundred free talks (anywhere and everywhere) before they even consider charging (in order to first develop their skills, confidence, understanding and credibility), most don’t want to know about it. They want to be where I am (as a speaker) in six months. They want the prize (the financial rewards, the profile, the credibility, the brand) without the work, the sacrifice, the sweat and the discomfort. They will fail – not because they don’t have the ability to succeed, but because they don’t have the mindset. They are mentally weak. They are lazy. They will not pay the price. And like they have done in the past, they’ll stop. Again.
6. Stop giving yourself an escape clause. Have you noticed how we all do this? We commit to things…. kind of.
- Yep, I’ll change my behaviour… as long as you don’t do (XYZ) any more - always good to be able to blame someone else for our less-than-desirable behaviour.
- I stopped training because I hurt my ankle - apparently all exercise must cease if we have a sore ankle – good to know.
- I had to eat the cake, I was at a wedding and didn’t want to offend anyone - you’re so thoughtful.
- If it’s not raining, I’ll go for a run in the morning - damn it, if only we humans were waterproof.
- I’ll keep doing (XYZ), as long as (ABC) doesn’t happen - if only there was a way to control our own destiny… hmm…
This kind of very common attitude (thinking, behaviour) speaks of the person’s lack of willingness to (totally) commit to the change process. To finish what they start. To do what needs to be done no matter what. This is called conditional commitment. In other words: no commitment at all.
It’s late-ish Wednesday night and I’m in desperate need of some beauty sleep (let’s be honest; I’m in need of some beauty), so I’ll finish this lesson here (for now). There’s more to come so I might tackle it next week. Or not. As always, let us know your thoughts on this post and on this topic in general. Group discussion is great with this kind of stuff. Perhaps you have a point to add to my list. Number 7 maybe? Feel free. And to all you Newbie Commentors (and you old relics too) 
- keep up the good work.
Ciao xx
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Not sure what to say, but I like the default setting one. That’s what I have worked at lately; my default was to go back to the behaviours that have caused me grief, and i’m changing that. So good post, there is no price or cost for changing the setting; in fact it’s feeling great to work at changing my self view.
HIya,
Well this is a good one and most of which I have been attending to lately. I have started 2010 with a a burning desire to be the best me I can be…I m loving the gym and the boxing classes..3 per week…varying intensities and instructors and this Saturday my gym program will be reviewed. The PT who will be reviewing it is a tough pint sized lass my friend and I have affectionately nicknamed Atilla (yes she is aware of this) The last review she did for me challenged me and I am hoping this one will too. Whenever she sees us at the gym she gives us a big hug and heaps of encouragement…but it’s the “I am so proud of you two and the efforts you’re putting in and results you’re getting” that make me even keener to keep going.
Michael, well done to you…very liberating hey
Hope you had a good sleep Craig,
hugs
Chelle xxx
(old relic lol)
Hey Craig !
Nothing to add, but I’m hearing ya !
Could do with some beauty sleep myself, but I keep staying up kinda late… really should change that………..
{{HUG}} Tina
These are good but you forgot one
7. When the going gets tough, “suck it up princess”
Whoa! Number 5 hit me right in the face! Thanks Craig … I needed that. Seriously.
I’m sick of my own whining and am ready to “weigh up and accept the cost of change”.
Jen
Hi Craig,
I couldn’t agree more with Number Three: Re-set your default setting.
Last June, I made a decision to give up alcohol for eight weeks to assist with my weight loss. I thought I’d be counting down the days until I could drink again – I even had a bottle of champagne waiting in the fridge. Well, it’s still there. Unopened and puzzled. Without even trying, I became a non-drinker. Who knew? My ‘default setting’ was reset permanently while I wasn’t looking. Damn. When a new behaviour becomes just what we do, we never have to rely on fickle and unreliable ‘motivation’ again.
If I had to suggest a Number Seven, it would be: Picture yourself in five years.
When I need a little self-inflicted-arse-kicking, I imagine how I will be in five years’ time if I allow myself to ‘stall on the grid’ now. It doesn’t take long to figure out what a waste that would be. If we’re happy to be just a little older with all our bits a little lower to the ground then, fine, we can retire from the race now. If, however, the thought of being in the same or in even worse shape (physically, emotionally, spiritually) is unbearable, then the only alternative is to keep going. Because the cost of quitting is too high and life is far too short.
The whole change, self-improvement and personal development thing can be either a lovely, fun, fluffy hobby or a bloody awful journey. Unfortunately, only the latter gets us to where we want to be. And it can hurt. It can be a little like a ‘knock down, rebuild’. Facing uncomfortable truths, acknowledging what needs to be done, making difficult decisions, leaving our comfort zone for the terrifying unknown, becoming a ‘grown-up’ are all necessary if we want to reap the rewards. But the rewards are incredible.
Have a fabulous Thursday.
Christina xxx
ps. A special ‘hello’ to Nav, Sarah, Kate and Alex. It was fantastic to meet you all the other night. You guys are awesome. xxx
Yikes. I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. Haven’t felt that way in a long time. I thought I was cruising along nicely … guess I was wrong!
Yep, feeling a little bit meek. I have some big decisions to make. Lots to think about.
I have a question though for anyone who can answer me.
In October I made a big decision to stop drinking alcohol and, with the exception of accidently picking up the wrong drink at a BBQ (that was a shock … and, strangely, tasted yuk!), I haven’t touched it since, despite the peer pressure, the comments and the stressful work days!!
It was a big decision which came to me quite quickly and quite easily and I felt the need for it at an almost cellular level (wanky, I know … but true).
I want to know how to replicate that? How do I get that feeling with all the decisions I want to make (but am too scared to)??
Have a nice Thursday everyone!!
Em
( ) x
I think I waffled enough yesterday, so here’s the short version: I’m workin’ hard on some of this stuff this year. So far, so good.
Linda
“The important thing is this: To be ready at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you could become.” Charles Dubois
Are you prepared to do that? Really?? Am I? I want to say yes, but the truth is there is comfort and safety in settling back into old behaviours – and to a certain degree, comfort in using old gripes and complaints. Change is hard work. But I also know from experience that it’s worth it.
And Craig, you’re wrong about one thing – “.. reading the information on this site (sitting in my cyber-classroom) will be a waste of time for many people simply because they’re not ready ..”. Everything we do that adds a bit more positiveness to our disposition helps tip our balance more and more toward being ready to make change. When I’m feeling lazy or emotional or whatever that’s stopping me from taking positive action and making change, I’ll emerse myself in all things positive and motivational, which in turn changes my mood/energy/outlook/whatever and off I go again.
For me, number 3 is crucial. And while I’ve done it, I don’t think I set that new default standard as high as I could – or should. It’s always higher than where I started, but only a comfortable level higher, giving me “permission”, as such, to drop back a bit from the level I’d actually achieved. Weird. Think I’ll take Cdn Friend’s advice and just suck it up (princess). You want it, Suz? Then just do it, for f**k sake!
OK. Sorted.
.. stop stopping part 2…. how ironic… I relate to what was written in gold and Michaels comments I think the key to long term change which is what we want (as it is Soooooooooo boring going back!) base reistance level needs to change… and stay there..never going back!
Was great to meet you and CJ the other night, you really are living the dream and so grounded Craig! I will also add you both look better in person;)
If I was too add anything it would be the importance of ‘active recovery’ recovering inbetween sets at the new base!
Cheers Kate
Excuse me Mr Harper, but am I the only person who thinks you beat yourself up too much?… yes, I know you take the p*ss outta yourself for all kinds of things to make a point ( much needed beauty sleep etc etc..) but I used to do the same thing to myself and I see it as deterimental, even as a joke..
I think you are gorgeous, inside AND out….really.. and yes, I have seen you in person!
I am really recharged this year, having been stuck at a plateau since Nov, it is now falling off again.. YAY.. I got new work clothes issued yesterday size 14… ( having been a since 20 on August 01st 2009.. ) so I am thinking that my quitting “my self-p*ss-taking” ( is that even a word?) has helped immensely..
Keep smiling all, and yes, if you see me in the street I WILL be the one with her tags hanging out! Size 14! I am so excited.. Haven’t been this size since 1994 in a prior life!
Thanks for your motivation both Craig and Christina..
J
Thanks Chelle
Kate, welcome back
happy new year.
I’ve been thinking overnight about default settings and one thing seems to be coming through the postings. Em from Gem is spot on with this.
I have been walking fast, not snacking late night but more importantly re-enforce no matter how much the brain goes ‘you are a failure or whatever’. I think Em if you read this, it gets back to persistance. Saying things happen at the cell level isn’t wanky it is the ‘core’ thing that is supposed to be unchangable that’s the basis of quite of a lot of mind and new age stuff, so that’s good
em. That is where the default settings lie.
When you change, if it be lifting weights, saying you are nice in the mirror or undertaking learning physics, don’t matter what, sure enough you get two things happen:
1. The internal brain whines it wants to go back to what it was and sometimes it is not a good place. Keep talking to it, say ok well thanks but I prefer this. The only point of difference I tend to have with Craig on this is that I believe a slip is just that, a slip (though you gotta admire Craig’s anti cheese cake stance, now to get him off the army cargos
) But there does come a day when we have a drink, eat the skin on the chicken, call ourselves something not good, scream at the kids whatever and the brain goes ‘hmmm told you so”. So you go, ok not good, but here is my new thing. You just find little things come along where the new exercise or new affirmation is working. It could be a compliment, being cleared of heart disease, meeting a new partner, whatever, but the ‘hard work’ of change, which I don’t think it is always 100% hard, does work.
2. Others. Even the partner or family. I know it’s difficult but sometimes you walk away from them. No I am not writing divorce or adopting out the kids. What I mean is, when someone says something to you that is negative, puts you down, or stops your goal you say ‘that’s their view not mine’.
It is such a privilage to have this forum to express views, I try to keep postings to one but what you have all written points to the fact that we all want some form of change. I just feel many of you have moved to that change already just simply by trying and doing, so I look forward to hearing how everyone is doing in every arena.
Hi Craig,
What I’m dealing with at the moment is the raw emotion you are left with when you don’t turn to food for comfort, have that cigarette when you are stressed out or go for that glass of wine when you have done a hard days work. I’m finding living a healthier life is tuff, and expensive. I don’t want to sound like a whinger or sound negative, but I think alot of people fall of the horse because it takes alot of discipline to stay on track and its easier to fall back into old habits. After months of watchng what I’m eating and drinkng everyday and being disciplned with the exercise, i’m still finding that I am very mooooooody and quick with my temper. This is my biggest frustration of all at the moment. I thought living the healthier life would be much more rewarding mentally, but I’m finding its not. Physically, I see the results, and have had to buy a whole heap of new clothes, but even that is not enough of a reward. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just a complete fruitcake?
Hi Craig (and Christina…and Sarah, Alex and Kate as well!)
I am the queen of using escape clause number 4…I hate running. I know how good it is for me, and that I should do it more often, but I will find any excuse under the sun (Including: “the cat will get upset if I move her off my stomach to get out of bed”) to get out of going for a run. But this year I am re-setting my default thinking to “I may hate running, but I love the results so I’m just gonna do it anyway!”
And Christina’s suggestion for number 7 “Picture yourself in five years” is fantastic. I’ve never been too good at thinking to the future. A day and a half later, and I still can’t answer Craig’s question of what my ideal job would be, beyond the very vague “something more creative”. And I’ve realised that the job I took on with the intention of only staying for six months has somehow become a job I’ve been in for two years and counting :s Pure laziness on my behalf. A bit of fear thrown in as well, but realistically it’s mostly due to laziness. There have been periods during this job where I have hated it so much that I would burst into tears on Sunday evenings because the thought that I had to go in to work the next day upset me so much. But eventually things get better again (as they are currently) and I convince myself that “this workplace isn’t so bad, I can deal with this”. I feel like I’ll let my boss down if I go (even though I realise that I am completely replaceable), because we get along and work together really well. But the office dynamics are toxic to me, and I’m determined to get a new job by the middle of this year to help protect my sanity!!
I’ve been a sporadic lurker on this site for about six months, but I’m glad to have started posting as well now. I haven’t particularly contributed anything to the discussion through this long-winded post, but typing it up has forced me to think a bit more about the changes I want to make, and re-inforced the ideas that are driving me towards acheiving my goals.
Thanks!
Hey Craig!
Love the post – I love the way you say things as it is. This is a big eye opener, especially the paragraph “5. Weigh up and accept the cost of change” I think I will read this daily to stay on track!
Thanks,
Zal
Thanks Craig, you’re on to something important here.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the idea about personal change leading to success or failure.
The first part of the question, to me, is how we might define success or failure.
To set a measurable goal and then work towards it is the easy part – it’s a matter of starting out, risking failure and sucking the best out of whatever happens.
Beginning anything worth doing, seems the hardest thing in the world. Then you actually step off, and soon you wonder what all the fuss was about.
Once started, the real biggie is being ready to forgive ourselves for failures, and still having the heart to push through anyway: To take a few deep breaths and go back in. I’ve known older people, and people with serious disabilities, to take this sort of trip, and they’ve taught me that ongoing “success” is simply an amalgam of courage and humility. That’s pretty simple, but certainly not easy.
As I get older I look back at all my “used to be amazing” years and realise I now face the truth that I’m never going to do that again. I ask, am I failing in even thinking that? I used to think so, now I see that’s time doing its dirty work. Not understanding that last bit can kill you.
Yes, I can still see, with a lot of work I could probably run those splits, play those great games and push those particular weights again. But the price this 46-year-old must now pay in doing that – the additional time, the lack of delight in doing something new – is not worth sacrificing the other things I’ve come to love.
The truth is that measurable benefits of 12 hours a week training at 20 years can only be achieved with 20-25 hours training at 46. Even then it would never be the same. You might get the numbers, but you’ll never get the rush.
So you can beat yourself up, or learn to bring things back a notch or two on the press and out a notch or two out on the belt. That’s real.
For me, accepting that has been one of the hardest things. I’m still not a hundred percent on this, but I think the trick is that it’s about working with time rather than trying to have my ego beat the living crap out of it.
As we get a bit older, the fear of facing up to the ravages of the years can stop some of us doing anything at all. Just let it all go, shut down. It all seems so easy, eh?
So that’s the real fight, right there.
I now see the benefit in consciously working against that gathering sense of comfort. To embrace and manage discomfort. I’m not talking extreme pain here, just building a tolerance and respect for things that start out hard.
If my first inner voice is saying “don’t” because I fear discomfort, then I try to build a stronger, separate voice to say “do”.
To reject the illusion of comfort.
I live in the hope that sooner or later the fearful, lazy voice will fade completely, with time and practice. But I know myself well enough to acknowledge I’ll be lucky if my braver side wins six out of ten. Still, why wouldn’t I have the argument? The alternative is a life of easy pleasure where, sooner or later, I feel nothing.
I think Christina is on to something with her story about becoming a full-time ex-drinker while thinking (at the start) she was only doing it temporarily.
Her courage to start off down a certain road shows us we can sometimes find real change we were not even aware we were seeking.
Sometimes the reasons you start out with have no bearing on the place you arrive, or the place you are.
It seems that by applying this idea then no conscious decision to change we the way live can be negative – if we’re awake and we “fail”, we still learn and develop if we can take the best out of everything.
A hard road is better than none.
Suza,
I had the exact same reaction to Craig’s comment on readers who read but don’t follow through with any type of action.
I don’t think he had a “do-er” (athlete) like you in mind, but I also felt that for those readers (who never make a move toward positive change) just digesting the material couldn’t be a waste of time!
Of course to the teacher, a perpetually stagnant student seems like a waste of efforts, but I like what you said about all the positivity helping the situation.
Michael-
As a fellow relic I want to say how psyched I am to hear you stopped stopping.
xo to everyone
to Forty-bloody-Six,
what a wonderfully eloquent piece of writing – pleasure to read such thought. Brought pleasure to my otherwise boring afternoon at work..
Keep posting, your words make for interesting reading.. maybe its because I am too 46 but I am not sure that bloody would have been my chosen expletive!
seriously though, your words struck a chord with me.
Thank you.
jak
Hi Craig,
Re-set your default setting, I love it, four words that encapsulates the heart of what I need to do. For my changes to become permanent they need to become my new default settings, I have quite a few to go but once set they are not going to be changed (unless for the better of course) sometimes I wish I was an Ipod, how easy would it be to restore factory settings, 30 seconds and all my bad levels would be gone. However I am a human being, flawed but still striving and one that is going to achieve.
cheers
Mandi
Thanks Lisa
46 – can you post more often – brilliant application. The only thing is, and yes I don’t know you all in person yet, but I think you are all changing the defaults now. That’s priceless.
And Christina – yes the road without anything is rocky and golden, I’m really glad to hear what you have embarked on. As 46 says if we are awake and fail, if we eat the pizza or whatever, well we do learn and I for one do think twice. Example, just came from the steam room after some not so hard exercise and only had one Sars. When I went back for the second soft drink said no and had water.
LOUISE – you are NOT a fruitcake!!!!!!!!
Louise it’s part of the process. Today before coming to the club I felt anger again and although I was doing a congratulations for working on self worth I got angry at my mate for last year, but I stopped. You say you have the body but don’t feel the reward. It will come when you least expect it. Think for example, as I do, at the end of the day review did I get angry? Look back on the day and compare anger with other emotions. It’s just maybe we view success as an end point much like a company looks at a profit, but then that isn’t enough. That’s what drives us to the next goal.
Repeat you are NOT a fruitcake or negative, just when you were on this blog you felt something but now that you wrote about it, it’s out and you can see it’s just part of the process. Write and let us know Louise how things are going I hope others have a view.
Hello,
Fabbo post there Craig! I like the bit about changing the default setting, – creating a new ‘normal’ as you once put it as well. Changing the area where we turn it all to custard!
One very small success that I have created in the world of yoyoing and weightloss is this:
* Up until July 2008 I yoyoed mainly between 60 and 90kg. OK, I lie as I haven’t been anything under 67kg since April 2002. But to get the picture in May 2003 I once saw the big 90kg, (actually 93.6 on the drunken night and 90.0 three mornings later in light clothes after lots less food) front me on the scales. That petrified me as I’d been job hunting/no luck/stressed about no money so using credit. I’d stacked on 10kg in less than 2 months and this is was my highest ever weight! I was really scared of the ‘triples’ looming and did take immediate action and haven’t since seen any other number 90kg or higher. But over the years many times since I did see 89.something kg feature quite often but that number and not hitting 90 was seemingly my default setting. (If I thought I may be over the dreaded 90 I would have cut back a bit and not braved scales for a couple of days, – then 89.something flashed but only that 90 feature in May 2003).
July 20 2008 I saw 89.2, (last time anywhere near 90). Mid August 2008 I was down under 85kg and made an announcement to Mum I was never gonna see 85kg again! And I have kept to that. Since then my highest weight has been 84.0 before taking action!
I started 2010 at 79.7kg, now am around the 76kg. So with a new decade in place it’s a great time to never see numbers starting with 8′s or higher! Alrighty, – there’s a new default setting! Raising the bar! However I really intend to get under 68kg and reach some new performance and skinfold targets. I possibly reckon I could get down somewhere near the 60kg again and a specialised trainer told me that what he would consider my ‘fighting’ weight to be. The real goal is to get under the 68, keep up the fitness lifestyle and never see a number over 68, not this 80 ‘crap’. At least I’m bettering my default settings!
The number 7 I was wanting to add has been suggested I have noticed by others.
That is not letting small setbacks send ya off track. Be calm but firm with self so regretted unexpected behaviour doesn’t cause letting go!
Pip
louise, I can relate to what you’re feeling. The habits I have (candy munching, wine drinking) actually help me cope with uncomfortable feelings – if I have nothing to numb those feelings then I feel raw.
What are you doing to reward yourself? Have you replaced any of those previous ways to comfort yourself with something new?
Hey Team
I know I’m a little late but thanks for all the insight, feedback, comments and encouragement (for each other) and group discussion – nice.
Jaki and Michael,
Thanks for your very kind words. They had a stronger effect on me than I probably deserved. It was just a ramble through some thoughts, but your comments were a nice surprise all the same.
Those words just came while I was reading through some of the works collected here. If you have taken anything positive out of it, I guess that’s as much a distillation of your own thoughts and ideas as anything I banged together on the way.
But thanks.
I was just trying to make my own bit of random sense, and writing is something that often works for me. You probably know the drill – just lay it all out and see what sticks.
If I’m going to change anything in a real I need a cold, clear vision, and writing my way through apparently complex ideas helps me with that. Then again, my idea of “complex” probably sits well beneath the national average.
Anyway, your reaction to that whole “46″ thing got me thinking. Complex, complex, complex….
At the risk of becoming my own situation comedy, I’ll try to explain.
The older I get the more I think it’s kind of funny that I’m living a comfortable life here in a safe, abundant, country. All that good fortune, yet here’s me still trying to squeeze something more out of my time before the cue goes back in the rack.
I guess someone in their 50s or 60s would laugh about my concerns that time’s running out and then ask what the hell I was thinking about doing about it anyway. They’d probably say I’m absolutely nowhere yet, lay off the self-absorption and, by the way, get back to work. To their perspective that’s exactly right. I’d be running the same sort of line with someone sweating on their late 30s. Just relax, I’d be saying.
Why worry? But then, today is the oldest we’ve ever been.
So that got me thinking a bit more. Yeah, I know, too much of the thinking… but I reckon I could gain something important in hearing from anyone in their 50s, 60s or older about what happened for them after their mid-40s. Think about it, you’re in your 40s, it’s 2010, and you’ll probably never have more choices available to you.
These posts are full of great, often inspiring stories about who lifted this and weighed that. They’re often sort of shaded in the physical, but what about all the life that went on around it?
How do we get out to those later years in one piece?
If there’s anyone who feels they might be one of those people I’m thinking about, throw me something.
I’d love to read anyone who has managed to stay healthy and happy, who might take a few minutes to roughly map out a few of the things they did or didn’t do to get to where they are today.
I’m not necessarily talking about people who made a billion bucks, cured cancer or landed the first Apollo mission. Just people who stayed awake, stayed alive, and got to where they are today in some kind of useful shape. Or maybe people who didn’t get exactly where they thought they’d be by now.
It seems from reading back through this thread that this might light up some of the currents I sense under all these words.
I’d sincerely appreciate anything you might have.
Thanks again.
That last post should have said “if I’m going to change anything in a real way”, not “in a real”.
I know I’d miss something, the minute I hit the damned submit button.
hi Forty-bloody-six, I’m compelled to respond, not just because I’m forty-bloody seven but because I was, like the others, moved by what you’ve written.
The really freaky part of hitting the late(ish) forties for me is lately I’ve mentally wandered into the future. I’ve done the alarming calculations: in 10 years, I’ll be on the brink of 60…Yes, it’s clearly simple arithmetic but when I recently “got” that fact, I started hyperventilating.
I know lots of people in that age range and up who are, of course, still healthy and vibrant. The shock of realizing it’s not so far off for me is, I just wonder how it happened so fast. I truly still have so much left to do.
I think it’s a really positive exercise to be asking yourself and others these questions now. As right as you are that older readers will say you still have many of your best years ahead, I’m hoping your post gets seen and answered by those who know from experience what helped them to keep it together!
It may not sound this way, but I’m actually not someone who obsesses over my age. I normally consider it an irrelevant and misleading statistic. I’ve not let it limit me so far and hopefully never will!
Thanks and hugs
Love it 46 but do we need, or does any person or animal, get to an age ‘in one piece’. That’s interesting to ponder.
I struggled with weight gain and health issues. I found that my kids helped motivate me to get fit. Fitness should be free and accessible to everyone. I created a site dedicated to this.
Open my site in the same page
http://www.getfitstayingfit.com
Well I’m forty bloody eight, and if there’s one thing that I’m finally starting to get in my “old age”, it’s that if I am going to succeed in getting healthy and fit I need to put that first in my life everyday. Before my work, spouse, parents, and everything else. I need to put the exercise on my calendar and commit to it, just as I would any other appointment. I need to stock the fridge with foods that I can grab on the run and that are good for me. I need to keep MY goals right in front of me and make that my #1 commitment. And it’s not easy to do, but if I don’t, it’s altogether too easy to slide back down that path to mediocrity. It takes focus and energy and commitment to stay on the path to amazing! And that means pushing everything else away for a bit.
If I’ve seen one thing in the people I’ve met on this weight loss journey (including my former self), we tend to be people pleasers — taking care of everyone else’s needs first and putting ours last. We want to be loved. We want to go along and not rock the boat. We want to be seen in a postive light. And so we don’t assert our own needs. And that makes it easy to start with the excuses — I’m busy, the hubby/kids/parent needs me, the laundry needs doing, I’ve got to stay late at work, my boss needs me.
The decision to attend to anything but yourself in a particular moment is one that YOU make. And you make choices about this a dozen times a day. You don’t need to be selfish or shut others out, but you do need to commit to yourself and your own well being. I need to keep reminding myself of this, so that would be my #7!
I think you’re inside my head. It took me 18 months to get to the point where I finally thought I was ready……….I haven’t had any kind of ‘moment’ that perpetuated me into action, I just ‘knew’…..
No special plans, just jump in and get the job done…..do it, do it right and do it once….
It’s actually been easy to do and it’s totally down to ‘mindset’…. My only qestion is why couldn’t I get it sooner…….