As you might imagine, I receive more questions via email than I could possibly ever answer; unless of course I wanted to become a full-time professional question answerer. Actually, I think technically I would be an amateur answerer as I don’t get paid for it. Good point. Anyway, you get what I’m saying. Having said that, I do answer some emails when I get the chance and every so often I make a surprise phone call to someone who needs a little help. That’s always fun and really rewarding. Today I received a question which is quite representative of how many people feel about the getting in shape process. I thought some of you might find the answer helpful.
Hi Craig,
Please, please, please, please help me. I am a thirty seven year-old mother of four who has been battling with my weight since the birth of my first child thirteen years ago. I currently weigh 104 kilos and often cry when I look in the mirror. As you always say “I know what to do but I don’t do what I know.” I am so sick of myself and the way I constantly shoot myself in the foot that I don’t know what to do any more. It’s like every second day of my life I make a new resolution and by ten o’clock that night I’m shoving biscuits or chocolate (sometimes both) into my mouth and trying to convince myself that I’ll turn my life around tomorrow. Of course, I never do. Why do I continue to self-sabotage when I hate the way I look and feel? I know you can’t fix me, but maybe you can help me understand why I do this and how to overcome it. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou for your great teaching and your daily posts. I love your site and send all my friends to it. I know you are busy but if you could help me I would be eternally grateful.
Mandi
And yes, Mandi agreed to have her letter published.
Hi Mandi…
You’re not alone in that pattern of frustration and self-sabotage; it’s a pretty big club.
Okay, here’s how it works… The reality of eating some chocolate at ten o’clock before you go to bed (or any time of the day for that matter) is that it will give you some momentary pleasure, only to be followed by some serious self-loathing and regret – a temporary physical high, usually followed by a considerably longer emotional and psychological low; as you well know. We humans operate largely on pleasure and pain and as a result, most of the decisions we make are in an effort to avoid pain or gain pleasure. Sometimes we keep up with the over-eating – despite the fact that we hate our current physical condition – because on some level, consciously or not – we associate more pain with changing the way we eat, than we do with living in our less-than-desirable body. So over-eating it shall be. And obesity it shall be. And let’s not forget the self-loathing.
One of our biggest challenges in producing forever results (what we all want) is that creating significant and lasting physical change takes considerable time (not what we’re after) and sustained effort (pity we’re so lazy) over that time; not always an easy thing when so many of us inhabit a mindset of instant gratification. We are the quick fix generation. And the fatter-than-ever-before generation. We want results now and we want pleasure now. Pity about that. On some level, consciously or not, the internal dialogue is often something like… “If I eat this chocolate now, I will experience instant pleasure but if I don’t eat it I won’t experience instant weight loss, so I’m gonna eat that Mars Bar and start my diet tomorrow”. Again. Good plan.
Not.
Mandi, in order to shift from that mindset of instant gratification and that on-going pattern of destructive behaviour, you will need to consciously shift your focus from what you’re missing out on (chocolate) to what you’re gaining; better health, a better body and potentially, a better quality of life. Maybe even happiness, psychological freedom and a re-claiming of your personal power? All good things. Every day you must consciously direct thoughts and emotional energy to where you will see the best return. Sure I could waffle on for a thousand words with some behavioural science psycho-babble but the Readers Digest, user-friendly version of my message is that you need to want it enough. You might think you want it enough now but I can tell you, you don’t. When you associate more pain with staying in your current condition than you do with throwing that chocolate in the bin (or feeding it to the dog), then you’ll get the job done and find your way to your best body. As with any change process, you will always be the problem and the solution. Stop looking for easy and quick and start doing effective and realistic.
I hope that helps Mandi and don’t forget:
“Nothing tastes as good as being in shape feels.”
As always, feel free to share your comments or perhaps you have some advice for Mandi.
Ciao x
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Hi Craig, Hi Mandi,
What an honest question and a helpful answer. Most of us have been on that merrry-go-round of eating, guilt/loathing followed by promises to be better tomorrow. Food is a great replacement for what a busy mum often really needs: a hug, some appreciation, some help, some solitude, a nap, a facial, a walk (alone), an uninterrupted phone conversation, a nanny …Yep, food fills the void very well but we all know the consequences.
The term ‘psychological freedom’ resonated for me. I don’t think you’ve mentioned that phrase before, have you Craig? I like it. For me it would mean waking up and not worrying about being fat. Going clothes shopping and not worrying about being fat. Going to the beach … You get the picture. Wouldn’t that be amazing?
Thanks for the great post. Mandi, thanks for letting Craig use your letter. I hope you can use his response as a turning point to lasting change.
Christina xxx
ps. Never give chocolate to dogs, it’s totally toxic for them and can actually kill them (Yes, Craig, I know it’s a figure of speech but just in case …)
Mandi- there is an awesome free website out there http://www.sparkpeople.com that has TONS of tools for changing your lifestyle. You can log your food, exercise etc. There are lots of other people in the same situation as you that you can talk to as well. Using it in conjuction with Craig’s awesome blogs and I bet you will find success if you just give it some time and effort.
Good luck! Tiff
Wow, this letter could have been written by me! Mandi, I can sooo relate to where you are coming from. For me, a lot of the times I overeat it is simply out of habit and I need to make a conscious effort to change those habits and actually think about what I am doing. Its not easy (and doesnt always work) but I am getting better at it I think. I also had some ‘other issues’ and to cut a long story short ended up seeing a counsellor for a few sessions. That was hugely surprising and brought up some other emotional stuff that needs sorting the I honestly wasnt aware of – I am not blaming my size or anything on past crap but acknowledging it is there means I can start to deal with it. Worth a thought?
Hey Mandi – I can so relate, I’ve been there. At my highest ever (not pregnant) I was 138kg (size 26). Today I hover around 81kg (size 12), so I can assure you it IS possible to drop your extra weight, be energised and proud of your body once again. At a guess I would say you are trying to be good and trying to follow the standard ‘healthy’ diet – low fat, lots of ‘healthy’ carbs, trying to restrict calories – but you are constantly hungry and needing a ’sugar fix’. Basically it’s because your bod doesn’t handle carbs well – carbs produce a rush of insulin designed to store all that food into your fat cells and when you’re body isn’t running as well as it should, that’s where it stays (it doesn’t get released again to be used as fuel). Effectively this means that your cells don’t get the energy they need to function – that sets off a starvation response in your body where it demands high energy food from you, and makes you conserve energy so you are tired and sluggish. Does this sound familiar? Get yourself a couple of good books on low carb, protein and fat based diet (eg Atkins, Protein Power or even contact your local SureSlim office (no I don’t work for them, but that was the programme that worked for me). I lost 50kg in 9 months, wasn’t hungry, had plenty of energy, and was the overall winner of a 20 week Body Challenge. It can be done and it is relatively easy. Once your body is no longer starving at a cellular level, the rest falls into place. Watch a movie/documentary called Fat Head if you can get hold of it, it explains the science in a light hearted, fun way. Craig, you’d enjoy it too I think. But I have to say I get a little frustrated with the ‘it’s just a choice, it’s all in your mind, you can control it with willpower’. Sorry but that’s a crock! The human body is a complex organism, and if the hormones (esp insulin) is out of whack your body will do what it needs to do to survive. Once your bod is back in balance (will take 2-4 weeks), willpower and self control aren’t conscious decisions, cos you are no longer craving sugar. I’ll stop now but I could go on and on about this, it’s something I am passionate about obviously. Good luck Mandi.
Hi Mandi,
Craig is spot on as usual.
I do however I sympathize with compulsive over eating and speaking from experience I found that I was NOT capable at first to say remove all chocolate I thought that I had to wake up one day and be perfect, ie so it was always going to be tomorrow as in reality perfection does not exist.
For me I had to accept my current patterns, and make smaller changes ie. commit to eating only 5 (not 6) biscuits per night…(minimise the damage and if unable to do this remove the food enitrelyl ie bread) and say three hambergers a week..
I went from quite large myself and took it down in a maintable way..small changes even no butter today makes massive long term srides!
I left that BEHIND along time ago along with pack a day of cigaretted NOW my body does not crave these foods, I am gluten free, size ten, not perfect but I am very happy with my physical, mental and emotional control… it is possible.. just decide upon what RESISTANCE YOU CAN HANDLE.. AND MAINTAIN IT.. once you get bored with this up it again!
XX All the best and thanks for sharing
Kate
Craig,
Fantastic message!
Please don’t feed the dog chocolate!
Mandi,
He’s so right- I have been where you are dozens of times.
But one thing I had issues with was this forever thing!
I have never considered myself a strong, disciplined person so if fitness was a forever thing, I counted myself out before I began… every time- I never gave my self the support to succeed (self-loathing?)
But when you get to a point…. That- I am starting right now and its 2:15 PM point,
Not tomorrow, not Monday but now… despite the waffles and syrup I had for breakfast…
I can’t change the past but I can change the present (which every minute becomes the future) POINT.
You do, and you begin, and you live today and you don’t stress that tomorrow there will be waffles loitering in the kitchen.
Because how well you did today gives you the power to say, I did too well today to cancel it all with silly waffles (or biscuits or chocolate)…
And every day you prove to yourself that you won’t let yourself down… one day at a time.
Until one day you’re in a dressing room and you have tears of joy and not of defeat and you realize that cute sundress is worth more than a mountain of waffles or river of syrup…
And some days, if you really want to… you can have a waffle because you know how to balance it all out…
You don’t stop living … you actually start….
But it begins with you.
()
Tami
PS-I still am not strong or disciplined (like our friend Craig), just somewhat determined and some days fitter than others
Why do I continue to self-sabotage when I hate the way I look and feel?
Because we do, so value yourself despite your current look, go on the things that will help move you towards what you want body wise and praise yourself even if you slip up for that temporary high. You ain’t perfect but at least in writing something on here you are taking some steps towards recognising your pattern and will do, likely, something about it.
Tracey, i’m in agreement re meal replacement, I don’t do it know preferring the diet/exercise option, but my program for 6 months got it off and it has stayed off, so Mandi, those programmes can be pricey for the suppliments, and i’m not sure what Craig thinks about them, but be open to giving them a go. All I can say is they brought my weight down until I was ready to exercise and use real food not the powder.
Good luck Mandi but please, please, please, if you look in the mirror at the jelly roll around the waist as I do with disgust, simply say, you are leaving me. Maybe it will totally, maybe not, but it’s better than looking at it in despair thinking it will never leave, because mine hasn’t totally – but a lot of it has. And that’s a priceless feeling.
Hi Craig, Hi Mandi,
Sparkpeople is a great resource, heaps of support and info, check it out.
Craig is a legend Mandi so you can listen to him but the next night you start heading for the biccie jar I have two options for ya.
1. GO TO BED – sleep will help you lose weight
2. Eat cereal (low fat, no sugar kind) instead of rubbish. It will fill you up quicker than chocolate and you’ll be getting some well needed fibre. Studies show that people who eat a serve of wholegrain cereal 90 minutes after dinner eat less the next day. (I read that in my running magazine, haven’t tried it myself, I don’t eat after 7.30pm anymore because Craig is right, it’s way better to be fit than a slave to fast food and confectionary).
Your mantra Mandi, should you choose to accept it is:
I will no longer let this chocolate bar/biscuit/nutritionally devoid garbage control my life. It’s my life and my body, if Nestle/Cadbury/Arnotts want it they can come pay me for it, otherwise they can $*@^ off.
Control over your life and body is a GOOD feeling, don’t give it over to anyone for anything.
Love your work Craig!
Hugs,
Jo
Hi Mandi, Not easy-huh! Life must be hectic with taking care of the family and as usual mother comes last! No sure what support system you have in place e.g: family, friends, partner? It may be beneficial if you had a conversation with someone you feel you can trust and support you at this point in time. Have it so you are accountable to them, whether you set up walking together with them on certain days and be commit to that! Maybe set up with another person to have a conversation and just purge what’s been going on for you, and preferable someone that’s no going to judge your thoughts. Have a family meeting be as open as possible to your children, ask them to come on board with you. Have the eldest look after the kids whilst you do something for you. Have the kids interact with you on a physical level, I’m sure they would love it, especially boys love being outside. This will have a two fold effect: you’ll be connecting with your children on a different level and you’ll be pounding the ground, which will hopefully stop that “stickin thinkin”! Get yourself a diary and just write you thoughts down, it could be another way of releasing what’s trapped mental and physically. Talking and writing about your emotions, after a period of time you may seem some patterns occurring. Start of small and take baby steps, please don’t put your focus on the 104kg. Don’t see this a diet, see it as a way of lifestyle and you’ll be setting a great example to your children! I wish you the best Mandi and I give you a gift of courage!
Bella.
Hey Guys – some seriously deep and long comments today – Good stuff. I’m sure Mandi appreciates the advice, feedback and support. I’m a little busy today – so you may not hear too much from me but keep those thoughts rolling in anyway… group hug
Hi M & C..
Mandi I hear you sister!! I am 39, and for the millionith time this week I gave myself a fresh start Monday morning to lose that weight that is killing me. I excercise every day, I see a nutritionist and a personal trainer BUT yet I continue to tell myself I can eat too many calories in the form of coke, chips, chocolate and cheese….. EVERYTHING SIR CRAIG says is correct…… read his response to yourself EVERYDAY…..
This Monday morning I did something a little different… and it’s working..
Please feel free to join me on my quest… I have started with a simple goal of giving up the 4′c’s that are I turn to for self sabotage.. no more chips, chocolate, coke and cheese…. and I have replaced them with the desire to not only want better for myself because I deserve it… but also have a goal to get to 250 days ( that’s 8.9 months to be exact) until my 40th birthday without them…. I will take the $$$$$ I normally spend on those 4C’s. save it.. and in 250 days on my 40th birthday I shall buy myself 4C’s in the form of diamond earrings (cut, clarity, color and carrot)….. Craig is right. you have to want more for yourself……. So now, rather then wake everyday thinking about where I am going to get my next C hit from, and go to bed depressed that I’ve failed again… I wake up saying.. only 249 days to go until I look better, have achieved my goal and hey I have a beautiful gift I have worked for ( delayed gratification) and that night before I go to bed I cross off another day I HAVE DONE IT!!!!… it’s such a better feeling…..
“Transformation requires application” and Sir Craig says……
I have 28 kilos to lose Mandi…. feel free to come on this journey with me…… we can do it…… !!!
By the way, my dog has eaten chocolate for 13 years and it hasn’t killed her yet…. but I will take that on board….. thanks
Peta……..
ps. I was also suggest purchasing a copy of Fattitude….. read it until your eyes bleed…..or at least hurt.
Hi Craig/Mandi/All,
Don’t think of forever. Don’t overwhelm yourself with what you have to do or how far you have to go. Live day by day .. and minute by minute. When faced with chocolate or the urge to eat bad stuff, simply ask “can I be good just for today?” .. “or just for the next 10 minutes?”, even!
And that principle can be applied to anything. Coz most of the time, yes, of course we can be good for the next minute .. and the next .. and then then next .. and so on. And can you do one more step-up? Just one? And another one? You’ll be surprised at how far your limits really are when you care to test them.
All the best!
Suz (Sydney)
Hi Mandi
If you would like an accountability partner I know i can help you. Give me a call if you are interested. I have experience in this field and you would be also doing me a favour. Call me if you would like to discuss.
I am a really nice person. A passionate student and teacher of Personal Development – not on the scale of him.dot.com but strive to be
Jaine Ramanauskas
0422 2222 3362
Hi Craig, Hi Mandi
this is so sounding like me and my struggle.
I was sexually abused when younger and my weight is my protection and the minute i lose weight i feel insecure and eat to put it back on. Mandi, your not alone but the fight can be and is won everyday by somebody like you and me. Some days it can be three steps forward and six steps back but its the steps forward that count. Food isnt your friend it masks the pain you dont want to feel but in feeling the pain and dealing with it you give yourself the chance to live the life you were meant to.
you are so very worth it and Im sending you a cyber hug and telling you that you can do it.
lots of love
Gail
Or email me if you are more comfortable that way Mandi jramanauskas@optusnet.com.au
G’day Mandi, Craig,
Mandi, I know where you are and have been there myself. I weigh 125kg on my way down from 132 as little as few weeks ago. I used to get moody and depressed and it was always easier to wait 40 minutes for that takeaway pizza than to spend 25 minutes cooking the food that I had in my fridge! I did it for years. I have lost count of the amount of times that I joined gyms and didn’t go – spending at leaast $5000 in the process. As a result of all this I am not only overweight. I am diabetic, with high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a host of other Western “lifestyle” diseases.
So what turned me around? I found that it helped to have a long term goal. While chatting with a friend who had just come bqck from walking the Kokoda trailI had an epiphany and thought that that would be something that I would like to do – bush walking is something that I used to do when younger. I have managed to talk two friends into going with me next year. So around July next year I will be walking the Kokoda track. That gives me a year to get my weight down and my fitness level way up. And i have two friends going with me to keep me on track plus all of our friends who are not going cheering me on.
The short term goal was just as easy. Being part of the now generation I wanted visible results soonest! So rather that saying I will have lost 50kgs in a year (which is the goal anyway) I am aiming to lose about a kilo a week. I am part of my work sponsored Global Corporate Challenge walk – doing 10000 steps a day (minimum) http://www.gcc2009.com/ and eating more sensibly. I have also recently read two books “In Defence of Food” by Michael Pollard and the “China Study” by T Colin Campbell both of which talk about ways of eating sensibly that can help keep you on track and which have great potential for helping me with those nasty “Western lifestyle diseases”.
It is a slow process but I have a year to reach my goal and I think that 12 months will give me a better set of habits for life.
Mandi, best of luck with getting your life together. Get your family involved – they are your best support team going.
All the Best
Howard
Hi Mandi
Your point about getting to the point where you feel sick of your actions struck a cord with me. It’s like it’s not even about your weight at that point, it’s about your pride in yourself. Maybe set small goals (like substitute the late night cookie routine for 15min of peace with a favourite CD playing or a new magazine) and let yourself feel really good about it when you meet your goals! I try to focus on sticking to the bet I made with myself rather than the “diet”… basically I try to remember to love myself more than I love chocolate.
Best wishes,
Emma
“Every day you must consciously direct thoughts and emotional energy to where you will see the best return.”
What better way is there than to direct that energy into defusing resistence. I resist being overweight and unfit. A noble purpose and ideal, but that is nowhere near enough to get me on the road, without coming to a full stop. In reality, the resistence to what I am now, will keep manifesting the same condition, until I learn what I am supposed to learn from the manifestation of that condition. This is life, unwanted results, and our struggle to overcome them. Someone said that the best teacher is a negative consequence. For me to learn, I must first acknowledge that there is a learning for me in an unintended consequence. I must be open to possibility, and a question will reflect that there is a possibility of positive outcomes.
So to defuse resistence, I must defuse my emotion and feeling and belief, which produce actions that are not in my best interest. The subconscious applies full force to the manifestation of my belief, and believe, it is a force that cannot be beaten, but which can be redirected, by depowering old belief and energising the new. Our subconscious takes care of the myriad, and almost infinite, processes in our bodies at any point in time, without any conscious endeavour and control on our part. We need it on side if we are to change our behaviour. To do otherwise leads to self sabotage.
Self sabotage is the gigantic hint that I have, that I have work to do on my inner. This is where laziness, or what someone else promises to do for me, will not do. It is tough, for beliefs demand expression and are incredibly resistent to change.
I have to do this work, I must commit, which will begin with curiousity and a question. “Is there a different way, and what could it be?
To begin this work, I have to accept COMPLETE and UTTER and FULL responsibility for who I am, and how I arrived at this moment in life. I have only myself to blame and no other. I can only go forward with this inner work if I am not tied to bitterness or resentment towards others, no matter what treatment or lack of love spun me in the first place.
Every unsettling emotion has to be acknowledged (not buried or shut out), it has to made to feel welcome, that it is an honor for it to be within. It is an honor to be within, for I now have the opportunity to ask….”Why do I experience you? And what is the learning that is to be had from the experience and the ACTION that results?”
The universe has this marvelous and precious law, that if a question is put, an answer will come.
There is also a law, that whatever I resist (or block) will repeatedly manifest, until the accompanying lesson is drawn out and resolved.
Resistence evaporates on that issue, which then allows for the manifestation of the next in line and the process is repeated.
And it becomes fun!
I know that whatever comes before me, I have the capability to deal with it in a manner that hastens the learning from the occurrence of that event. Pure magic!
Craig, thanks for lighting up the possible! We have the belief of the impossibility of life drummed in from an early age, which makes it tough, when we cast our emotional energies onto the belief that ‘anything is possible’.
Hey Mandi, Hi Craig,
Mandi, you can do it!! I know you’ve probably heard that before, but there’s no harm in hearing it again.
First up, I hope you have yourself a tailored or guided eating plan. If not Craig Harper has a great (so I’ve heard!!) nutritional coach that could help you. We can’t (and don’t all need to be) qualified nutrtionists, but learning about food including how different types of food affects our moods, our energy levels, our hunger patterns and even our cravings, can be a great boon on your journey. Learning about food can also be a wonderful way to start ‘making over’ your pantry. There are a lot of subsitutes for the foods we love……creamy and delicious meals for instance can still be low fat and lower in kilojoules if you use alternative ingredients, such as evaporated milk or natural yoghurts to name a new. Deprivation does not have to be part of the ‘making a change’ process. Even a little chocolate (in small amounts, of course) can still be part of a new and healthier eating plan, if you really can’t live without it.
So..oo much to say about this subject….I know you already have lots of advice above, I would just like to add…….read widely, inform and arm yourself with as much knowledge about food as you can. Making the change to ‘healthy eating’ can be somewhat more difficult, if you do not yet understand what ‘healthy eating’ really means. There’s lots to know, but the good news is you don’t need to know everything!!! A little knowledge goes a long way.
Secondly….start loving yourself!!! A cliche thing to say, I guess, but I say it because what it really means is to stop beating yourself up because you haven’t (as yet!!!) made those changes that you want to make.
You can and you will !!
Just realise that just because something is slow and needs your focus and energy, doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing.
Have you thought about a food/feelings diary?? That is, a diary where you record what you eat and when and then also make a note about your thoughts and feelings at that time. An awareness about why and what triggers our emotional eating can be a great start to making changes.
Try only to make few small, manageable and achievable changes at first. Over the long term, little things add up to big results!!
Speaking of the ‘end result’, try not to get too caught up in thinking too much about your overall goal, but instead to try and keep your focus on a achieving a few smaller goals each week. It’s amazing how much easier it is to reach your desired outcome, if you can break that overall goal (for example to lose 30kg by Christmas!!!) into much smaller tasks or steps. Keep adding to the new habits and changes you need to make and you’re well on your way!!!
Mandi…..I fully understand that what you want to achieve is not easy or simple, but….. it is possible. You have started a journey of change….I would love to provide you with even more help…but for now, I hope that mine and all the other comments/advice here gives you at least a lttile hope and encouragment..
Kudos to you on your journey..
I wish you all the very best….
Cheers,
Mon (( ))
Kudos to you on your journey…
I (along with all these other readers here) wish you the very best….YOU CAN DO IT.
“There are no failures — just experiences and your reactions to them.” ~Tom Krause
I can totally relate to what Mandi is saying. I was thin for most of my life, but after my wife and I had our second child, and I had more and more stress from work and started drinking a few beers each night and going back to the fridge for leftovers and being tired all the time and getting sleep apnea and ten years later I woke up weighing a whopping 153 kilos, ugh!!! I had tried every diet under the sun and always had a little success, but then it faded……….. I think it was exactly what Craig said in his book Faitiude about ultimately wanting to get the “losing weight thing” over with quickly and go back to how I really wanted to eat. Which obviously never worked.
When I finally found Craig’s site and his book it so totally changed my thinking about weight loss, my ability to choose to be thin and stop making excuses that my success since then has been fantastic.
But it doesn’t happen overnight. Changing years and years of unhealthy patterns takes time. I can choose new behaviors right away, but I continued to struggle with old thought patterns for awhile. I still do sometimes.
I don’t know if this will help you, but here are a few things that I have found most helpful in this whole process:
1. Get a support system. I go to weight watchers. The people there are similar to those on this site. They are very supportive and always have good ideas.
2. Take it one day at a time. Losing weight, especially a LOT of it can seem overwhelming. But I have tried to turn that into a positive. In fact, I believe that having 57 kilos of weight to lose was actually a helpful thing for me. Because it will take me over a year to do it (at least the initial part – not the life long keeping it off part), I think my brain will actually have changed more permanently than someone who only needs to lose 10 kilos.
3. Fill your brain with positive thoughts and your life with positive people. Like coming to this site! Reading motivating and inspiring books. Posting great quotes around the house, on the mirror in the bathroom, in your car, etc.
4. Figure out why you want to lose weight. What are you doing this FOR? For me it was partly about health and looking better. But I found that what really motivated me was to have my life back. I’m no longer just observing, now I get to participate!
5. Being Consistent. After 3-4 months I could finally sense my mind, my thoughts., my brain changing. It was the mindset change – becoming “thin in my brain” that has helped me to continue the process and will help me achieve forever weight loss. Everyone talks about Lifestyle change, but the most important thing for me, by far, was changing my Brain.
6. Start enjoying your weight loss as it comes off! Get a massage. Buy new clothes. Challenge yourself with a long bike ride, a long race or something physical that you couldn’t do before. It feels GREAT and has reinforced my choice to become thin.
7. Enjoy your life! Focus on the positive. Eat yummy healthy food. And laugh every day! I have started collecting fat jokes because I found that if I could laugh about it, it no longer had any power over me. Here are two of my favorites:
When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid (bug killer) so I won’t dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn’t taste that bad! ~Janette Barber
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. ~Author Unknown
I believe in you Mandi! I know you CAN do it!
Steve in California
Hi Mandi & Craig,
Yet again another brilliant and so relevant posting.
All I can say is it is so me too. it all gets down to self-discipline to implement the change, something I dont have.
I need to find it so badly.
You are so not alone!
Good luck and take care,
Mary
WOW!!! You Guys are seriously amazing. How often do you find such a fantastic bunch of people prepared to give of themselves with zero agenda? You are all absolute gold. Thanks. What a great community we are building here. I just got off the phone with Mandi and she is totally blown away by your kindness and care.
@Michael – Sureslim isn’t a meal replacement thing, it’s real food – meat, veges (but not starchy veges), cheese and eggs, and a small amount of fruit and an even smaller amount of bread/crackers. You also eat seeds daily, and drink plenty of water. After the initial detox period it really is easy as long as you can keep yourself organised (as it’s really really hard to find low carb options for lunch at most cafes/lunchbars). I’m not suggesting they are the only low carb option out there, there are heaps – google is your friend
Having yoyo’d my entire life (was first on weightwatchers diet at the age of 11) I have tried every ‘diet’ under the sun, including JC and the meal replacements. Could stomach them long term tho – the thought of another meal replacement shake makes me want to heave, 20 years later lol. But I guess they can be useful short term to get you started – but I would rather eat real food personally.
My current diet (note this is a long term maintenance diet, and more relaxed than my weight loss diet) includes butter, bacon, steak, chicken (including crispy roast chicken skin), cashew/pistachio/peanuts, cream, sour cream (not the lite stuff), lots of eggs and cheese. I don’t eat a lot of bread, maybe a slice or two of grainy bread every 3-4 days. I don’t eat potatoes, I’ll have a small amount of kumara (sweet potato) instead. I don’t eat cereal, maybe a bowl of porridge every month or two. I do have the occasional chocolate bar if I want one – but my tastes have changed so instead of caramello or a moro bar I’ll choose a peanut or almond slab, or some good quality dark chocolate. I avoid sugar, and processed carbs – I get the carbs I do eat from fruit, veges, seeds and nuts. I avoid anything with a heart tick, it’s a symbol of a product with lots of sugar. Carb IS sugar once it gets into your body.
I know I sound like a bit of an evangelist but having a) lost the weight myself EASILY and then b) learned the science behind it and why it works, I really want to share it with other people who are struggling with the same battles I used to struggle with on a daily basis.
And it’s not just me either, one sister lost 40kg, another lost 20kg, her partner lost 25kg, and another family member started the same plan earlier this year and has lost a lot so far (don’t know the numbers). More significantly (to my mind), my (tall, slim) Type 1 diabetic husband started eating my maintenance diet more or less, and from being a ‘well controlled’ diabetic who would have episodes of hypoglycaemia every couple of days, he now uses less than half the units of insulin and only has hypos on days where he eats processed carbs – maybe once every 3-4 weeks. This is significant in terms of avoiding the long term effects of diabetes – if not eating carbs will save him from blindness and/or amputations, well it’s a no brainer really.
Yes you do still have to have your head in the right place, which is where Craig and his motivation comes in. It’s not easy to eat differently to the norm, especially in a social setting – but if you are diagnosed with a food allergy you’ll stop eating that food no matter how good it tastes. Think of it as an allergy to carb/sugar if that helps – it’s not far from the truth!
And Craig it is certainly true that nothing tastes as good as being in shape feels, but there is more to it than merely wanting it. I never wanted or liked being fat, I tried really hard not to be, but you just can’t ignore that biological survival response to EAT NOW when you are literally starving your cells because you are eating the wrong foods. It makes me really sad that so many people are suffering due to the misguided vilification of saturated fat – when that is what our brains and bones (marrow) are made up of, and that is what our bodies crave, it’s what makes us feel full and satisfied and energised. Humans were simply not designed to eat such huge quantities of carbohydrate, and it’s making us ill.
/rant
Mandi I do feel for where you are at the moment but you absolutely can successfully lose the weight without feeling hungry and miserable, and you absolutely can be proud of your body again. I wish you every success
@Howard – what an awesome goal!! You should watch Fat Head too – I’m sure it will help you in understanding our ‘diseases of civilisation’ or as you put it ‘western lifestyle diseases’. All the best with your journey, it sounds amazing!
Good luck Mandi, great article Craig. I know this will sound negative and I don’t mean it to be, but how do you reconcile the idea of not taking the most enjoyable option right now for some delayed gratification with Tolle’s idea of only ‘the now’ existing. Hang on, while I type this, something just occurred to me, are you saying I just need to shift my idea of what is the most enjoyable thing for me right now even if the benefit is not immediately felt.
Hi Mandi,
If you are after some mentors, I think you have found some. Let Craig post your progress! I found solace in the immortal words of Yoda……”do or do not, there is no try”. I don’t know why they help me but they do. I think Bob from the Biggest Loser said something similar like it in his winning speech. I won’t wish you Good Luck…you don’t need it. You will make your own. Look forward to hearing your progress
Hey Mandi,
I have a little tactic which works for me when I feel that craving to eat something unhealthy, especially late at night………….go and clean your teeth! The fresh feeling in my mouth takes away all desire to eat or drink anything else for a long time.
Good luck
Kathy
Thanks Tracey didn’t know that re Sureslim.
Glad to hear that Mandi has been spoken to re this.
Interesting comment from that gentleman littlejohn; blown me away with his views.
Mandi if you see this post, you have taken the first steps towards the path were you want to go, you’re a legend “)
Mike
Mandi and Craig,
I found this post when I was looking for blogs about why we self-sabotage. When Craig wrote “You might think you want it enough now but I can tell you, you don’t,” I was blown away. That is the truth that almost nobody talks about.
We get stuck when we think we are are *bad* for not wanting it enough…it’s a vicious cycle. And the question is not “how” because we all know how. The question is “why?” or even “why not?”
I blogged about this post on my own blog, where I discuss the “why” question, at http://www.weigh-2-go.org (“A Painful Truth” http://weigh-2-go.org/?p=283 ). Thanks to both of you for the inspiration!
Veronica