A Slave to Food (part 2)

Last week here at me-dot-com we opened the door on a subject that is relevant to all of us; the kind of relationships we have with food. It seems that food does weird things to some of us. Or perhaps we do weird things around food?

We discovered that while we’re not all slaves to food (but the numbers are higher than you might think), many of us have our own little dietary habit, secret or idiosyncrasy that is unique to us. That is, we have certain behaviours around food that are not always particularly rational or healthy. Not always massively destructive or life-threatening either, but curious nonetheless. Like the guy I met who always eats his vegetables (he has the same five vegetables for dinner most nights of his life) in a particular order. Every time. Cannot mix them and must eat all of one particular vegetable before he can move on to the next. To do it any other way makes him most uncomfortable. Think he’s weird? Food behaviours like these are way more normal and common than you might imagine. I have met literally thousands of people who “eat well all day” and then “lose the plot after dinner”. Nearly every day of their lives. “I’m always good until about seven” a woman told me recently, which is another way of saying “I over-eat every night.” 

Isn’t it amazing how we say we’ve been “good” when we’re simply doing what’s best for our body? When healthy and appropriate eating becomes “normal behaviour” rather than “good behaviour” then we’re on the right path. The problem for many of us is that our version of normal is unhealthy and when we actually give our body what it needs (as opposed to what our head wants), we look for accolades and approval for something which should be standard behaviour.

We are indeed curious creatures around food. We binge for pleasure. Then we beat ourselves up for a day. In the morning we might hate what we see in the mirror but in the afternoon we’ll eat cake anyway. We starve ourselves to look good for certain events (weddings, parties, reunions). Then we regain the weight. And a bit more. We lie to ourselves and others about what we put in our mouth. Then we get angry when someone points out what we actually do. I guess it’s easier to get angry than it is to get accountable. For some anyway. We have something of a dilemma because food equals pleasure, but obesity – which is often the result of our relationship with food – equals pain. All kinds of pain.

The following suggestions will not be relevant for, or specific to, all of you. However, you might find one or two gems that may be of some value.

1. Find your trigger. Eating issues are not the problem, they are one of the consequences of the problem. What we need to uncover is why we do the things we do around food. That is, discovering what our “drivers” are. For example: Sam has been lonely lately and has little joy in his life (there’s the trigger for the eating). Sam eats because it gives him momentary pleasure and takes away the pain for a while (there’s the resultant behaviour, a consequence of his loneliness). Sam is now fifty kilos over-weight (the physiological outcome, his current situation). Until we resolve the “why we eat the way we do” issue, we will continue to do the same. Sure, we’ll have momentary interruptions to our long-term pattern (that is, we’ll eat better for a while) but if we don’t deal with the ”why” behind the “what” (the cause behind the behaviour), we’ll eventually find ourselves back in the same place; physically, emotionally and psychologically. I know people who have been in and out of shape twenty times or more because they’ve never (really) dealt with the issue that results in their destructive food behaviours. That is, they’ve never addressed the real problem.

2. Call it what it is. If you have an eating challenge, issue or disorder, be honest about it. Even though the thought might freak you out. When you name it, you can de-emotionalise it and begin to deal with it practically and strategically. You don’t need to broadcast it to the masses but you do need to stop pretending and putting your head in the sand. When it comes to food behaviours and habits, the people who vigorously tell me how in control they are, are often the ones who have the most work to do.

3. Keep a diary. We don’t want to keep a food diary so that we become some obsessive, neurotic, irrational, calorie-counting, carb-avoiding idiot. No, we want to keep a diary (for a period of time – maybe four to eight weeks) so that we might identify certain habits, behaviours and patterns and respond accordingly. Keeping a diary gives us a level of perspective, insight and accountability that is impossible to have when our (un-recorded) eating is just a constant blur of calories, emotions and days. It also helps us stay aware and disciplined, and means we’re more likely to make better decisions. Many people learn a lot about themselves when they are asked to “put their behaviours on paper”. You might too.

4. Get yourself an accountability partner. An AP is someone who will kick your butt, hold your hand, help you stay motivated and tell you want you need to hear, not what you want to hear. By the way, best friends don’t usually make the best APs as their need to be your friend will often get in the way of your need to hear the truth.

5. Shift your focus. Trying to not focus on something (like food) doesn’t work. Imagine I say to you,  ”if you can not think about the number seven for the next sixty seconds, I’ll give you a million dollars”. What’s the result? The result is a minute of frenetic internal dialogue that goes something like this: “don’t think about the number seven, don’t think about the number seven… doh!!” Rather than consciously trying to not think about a certain thing, simply shift your attention and focus to something else altogether. A project. A hobby. A course. A personal challenge (fun run etc.). A career change. Helping others.

6. Stop using food as an incentive or reward. Let’s be honest, we’ve all rewarded ourselves with food at some stage. Stop it!! And don’t even get me started on the way we stupid adults motivate, manipulate and reward our kids with food.

7. Join a support group. In the first instalment, I spoke about a dancer friend of mine who would regularly eat a whole (large) jar of peanut butter and then crawl into bed for twelve hours. Fortunately she doesn’t do that any more. She’s now a leader, mentor and sponsor in the O.A. (Overeaters Anonymous) program and works voluntarily and graciously with other people (all kinds of people, by the way) who have eating challenges of their own. OA do some great work and you can find a chapter near you by jumping on the net. 

8. Don’t start any more diets or crazy-arse, quick-fix programs. If we know diets don’t work, why do we keep doing them? Because we let our emotions get in the way of our brain, that’s why. Somehow the notions of discipline, self-control, better decision making and perseverance don’t seem that attractive. Especially when that “new pill” has just come on to the market. Good grief. When will we learn and when will we grow up? Simply change your eating behaviours systematically, sensibly and progressively over time. Create a logical plan (perhaps with the help of a professional) and stay with it. Changing fifty things at once doesn’t work. If you want to keep finding yourself parked at Frustration Central then keep doing what doesn’t work.

The Last Bit

There we have it Grasshoppers; it’s not the whole story but it’s a good start. I hope you find some of these suggestions relevant and helpful, if not for you, perhaps for someone you care about. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. It’s a biggie. If you’ve never commented but you’ve been lurking for a while, today I’m personally inviting you to come out of the cyber- shadows and to say hi to the rest of us. Your thoughts are welcome and we don’t bite.

See you next time.

xx