Last week here at me-dot-com we opened the door on a subject that is relevant to all of us; the kind of relationships we have with food. It seems that food does weird things to some of us. Or perhaps we do weird things around food?
We discovered that while we’re not all slaves to food (but the numbers are higher than you might think), many of us have our own little dietary habit, secret or idiosyncrasy that is unique to us. That is, we have certain behaviours around food that are not always particularly rational or healthy. Not always massively destructive or life-threatening either, but curious nonetheless. Like the guy I met who always eats his vegetables (he has the same five vegetables for dinner most nights of his life) in a particular order. Every time. Cannot mix them and must eat all of one particular vegetable before he can move on to the next. To do it any other way makes him most uncomfortable. Think he’s weird? Food behaviours like these are way more normal and common than you might imagine. I have met literally thousands of people who “eat well all day” and then “lose the plot after dinner”. Nearly every day of their lives. “I’m always good until about seven” a woman told me recently, which is another way of saying “I over-eat every night.”
Isn’t it amazing how we say we’ve been “good” when we’re simply doing what’s best for our body? When healthy and appropriate eating becomes “normal behaviour” rather than “good behaviour” then we’re on the right path. The problem for many of us is that our version of normal is unhealthy and when we actually give our body what it needs (as opposed to what our head wants), we look for accolades and approval for something which should be standard behaviour.
We are indeed curious creatures around food. We binge for pleasure. Then we beat ourselves up for a day. In the morning we might hate what we see in the mirror but in the afternoon we’ll eat cake anyway. We starve ourselves to look good for certain events (weddings, parties, reunions). Then we regain the weight. And a bit more. We lie to ourselves and others about what we put in our mouth. Then we get angry when someone points out what we actually do. I guess it’s easier to get angry than it is to get accountable. For some anyway. We have something of a dilemma because food equals pleasure, but obesity – which is often the result of our relationship with food – equals pain. All kinds of pain.
The following suggestions will not be relevant for, or specific to, all of you. However, you might find one or two gems that may be of some value.
1. Find your trigger. Eating issues are not the problem, they are one of the consequences of the problem. What we need to uncover is why we do the things we do around food. That is, discovering what our “drivers” are. For example: Sam has been lonely lately and has little joy in his life (there’s the trigger for the eating). Sam eats because it gives him momentary pleasure and takes away the pain for a while (there’s the resultant behaviour, a consequence of his loneliness). Sam is now fifty kilos over-weight (the physiological outcome, his current situation). Until we resolve the “why we eat the way we do” issue, we will continue to do the same. Sure, we’ll have momentary interruptions to our long-term pattern (that is, we’ll eat better for a while) but if we don’t deal with the ”why” behind the “what” (the cause behind the behaviour), we’ll eventually find ourselves back in the same place; physically, emotionally and psychologically. I know people who have been in and out of shape twenty times or more because they’ve never (really) dealt with the issue that results in their destructive food behaviours. That is, they’ve never addressed the real problem.
2. Call it what it is. If you have an eating challenge, issue or disorder, be honest about it. Even though the thought might freak you out. When you name it, you can de-emotionalise it and begin to deal with it practically and strategically. You don’t need to broadcast it to the masses but you do need to stop pretending and putting your head in the sand. When it comes to food behaviours and habits, the people who vigorously tell me how in control they are, are often the ones who have the most work to do.
3. Keep a diary. We don’t want to keep a food diary so that we become some obsessive, neurotic, irrational, calorie-counting, carb-avoiding idiot. No, we want to keep a diary (for a period of time – maybe four to eight weeks) so that we might identify certain habits, behaviours and patterns and respond accordingly. Keeping a diary gives us a level of perspective, insight and accountability that is impossible to have when our (un-recorded) eating is just a constant blur of calories, emotions and days. It also helps us stay aware and disciplined, and means we’re more likely to make better decisions. Many people learn a lot about themselves when they are asked to “put their behaviours on paper”. You might too.
4. Get yourself an accountability partner. An AP is someone who will kick your butt, hold your hand, help you stay motivated and tell you want you need to hear, not what you want to hear. By the way, best friends don’t usually make the best APs as their need to be your friend will often get in the way of your need to hear the truth.
5. Shift your focus. Trying to not focus on something (like food) doesn’t work. Imagine I say to you, ”if you can not think about the number seven for the next sixty seconds, I’ll give you a million dollars”. What’s the result? The result is a minute of frenetic internal dialogue that goes something like this: “don’t think about the number seven, don’t think about the number seven… doh!!” Rather than consciously trying to not think about a certain thing, simply shift your attention and focus to something else altogether. A project. A hobby. A course. A personal challenge (fun run etc.). A career change. Helping others.
6. Stop using food as an incentive or reward. Let’s be honest, we’ve all rewarded ourselves with food at some stage. Stop it!! And don’t even get me started on the way we stupid adults motivate, manipulate and reward our kids with food.
7. Join a support group. In the first instalment, I spoke about a dancer friend of mine who would regularly eat a whole (large) jar of peanut butter and then crawl into bed for twelve hours. Fortunately she doesn’t do that any more. She’s now a leader, mentor and sponsor in the O.A. (Overeaters Anonymous) program and works voluntarily and graciously with other people (all kinds of people, by the way) who have eating challenges of their own. OA do some great work and you can find a chapter near you by jumping on the net.
8. Don’t start any more diets or crazy-arse, quick-fix programs. If we know diets don’t work, why do we keep doing them? Because we let our emotions get in the way of our brain, that’s why. Somehow the notions of discipline, self-control, better decision making and perseverance don’t seem that attractive. Especially when that “new pill” has just come on to the market. Good grief. When will we learn and when will we grow up? Simply change your eating behaviours systematically, sensibly and progressively over time. Create a logical plan (perhaps with the help of a professional) and stay with it. Changing fifty things at once doesn’t work. If you want to keep finding yourself parked at Frustration Central then keep doing what doesn’t work.
The Last Bit
There we have it Grasshoppers; it’s not the whole story but it’s a good start. I hope you find some of these suggestions relevant and helpful, if not for you, perhaps for someone you care about. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. It’s a biggie. If you’ve never commented but you’ve been lurking for a while, today I’m personally inviting you to come out of the cyber- shadows and to say hi to the rest of us. Your thoughts are welcome and we don’t bite.
See you next time.
xx
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{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
Craig doesn’t bite. NO.
He hits nails on heads. Such a strong baby.
I’ll try not to think about the number seven. But no promises.
It is such a special number seven that I wonder if an eight could really measure up to it.
Howdy, Craig!
When I first started reading this, I was thinking that I was pretty OK with food. Yep, I’ve identified that I use it as an emotional crutch – when I’m feeling alone and sorry for myself or when I’m feeling run down and sooky – but I wasn’t thinking that I had any kinky or quirky tendencies. With food, that is!
Until I read about the guy and his manner of eating his vegies.
My sister and I grew up in a family of meat-and-three-veg dinners, five nights a week. And to this day, we both eat the same way. (We’re 40 and 45.) Nothing on the plate can be touching. We will eat the carrots first. Then the peas or beans. Then the potato. Then the meat. Now, I know you’re laughing, but there’s absolute logic behind this! You start with the least tasty and end with the most tasty. Simple. Oh, and if vegies were meant to be eaten all mushed up together, there’d be one veggie that tasted just like that! Our mother just shakes her head and says she has no idea how we turned out to be such fruit-loops. He he. Thankfully, I rarely eat meat-and-three-veg these days, so I can easily hide my … er … dysfunctional-ness.
My other addiction is the Portuguese chilli chicken burger from the family-owned business around the corner. Mmmmm. For over 4 years there has rarely been a week go by that I haven’t had at least one. I think the most I notched up in a week was seven. Yes, oink oink, I know.
What a fascinating subject. I hope others share their quirky food stories .. for their own awareness and acknowledgement .. and our humour!
Suz
xx
This series is the best, Craig. I had cancer, and during recovery learned that less fat reduces the chances of recurrence. SO, of course, the weight needed to come off. And come off it has, highest was 308 and when I started on this new path I was 260 and today I am 184.6. I am only 30 or so pounds from my goal.
BUT, several issues are creeping up.
The ole head hunger, the I’m almost there so this should be fine, God forbid I reach my goal!!!! LOL! and the ole friend thing that you’ve lost enough eat something.
The head hunger is the worst, but it is amazing to me how clean my house is now and my garden is weeded and groomed.
Self-sabotage is a killer, I so get the pnut butter thing. Oatmeal cookies are another.
But the hardest thing for me is the exercise thing. I’m good for a few days and then I tell myself I am too tired and don’t do the big E. I’m great on the week-ends but the weekdays are killer for me. I KNOW that I can get better results if I do the big E, but I have not been able to get that into action.
Okay, grasshopper, glad you are back and am looking forward to the rest of the installments in this series. It is almost as if we have know each other in another life, your topics are so related to me. Okay, TA!
Ahhhh….find your trigger and call it what it is. Thanks for that.
My trigger for the past couple of years has been feeling lonely and disconnected. So I eat well during the day, but when no one is looking at night, well, let’s just say it ain’t pretty.
The really nutty thing (ok, there is a fair bit of nuttiness here), is that I have been exercising fairly regularly. My family and friends comment on how great I am for doing this, despite my obvious overweight (obese) body and I have happily joined in with their praise, gee I’m good, just don’t come around to my house after 7pm.
RYL has changed my attitude entirely. I have a realistic, achievable and measurable strategy and an accountability partner, amongst other things.
Today I choose.
Anyone every eaten a whole jar of Nutella? I did. I don’t recommend it.
A slave to food?, yep thats me.
Its been my best friend for many many years. Who else was there when i was being sexually abused and listened to me and protected me?.
When i needed love it was there, when i needed protection it was there, when i needed to feel i was ok it was there.
I ate to feel “normal” not some damaged thing that was existing.
Now when i want to say goodbye to it, it just wont go. I know all the reasons why i shouldnt be eating this or that but how do you stop when its been everything to you.
Ive cried the tears over the years that would have Australia out of drought till 2050 and yet i still fight with it, sometimes it wins ( mostly ) and sometimes i have small victories.
How do u become “normal” when its all you have known?
What happens to the feelings of self hatred, and loathing and not being worthy when you can no longer feed to hide or stop them?
How do u find the person you are and can be when the pain has no barrier.
To strip away the protection is to leave the person feeling naked and unprotected Craig.
How do you know your alright?
Does the pain only end when your dead and can think no more of what has happened?
You can obstain from drugs and alcohol but how do u obstain from food?
Hi again.
I have a suggestion .. request, perhaps? .. for a post topic.
You have spoken on many, many occasions of the value of having an Accountability Partner. So with all this demand for good APs, where do you find them? The most simple solution is to engage a friend – which clearly can have limitations. As a friend, I’m happy to be an AP .. but I want to be the best AP I can for that person. I also happen to believe that the qualities of a good AP (telling a person what they need to hear, not simply what they want to hear .. but being totally on their side and cheering them on) also make good qualities in a friend.
So how do you be a good AP? How do you go about telling a person something tough, but in a constructive, positive way? How do you know when they need support and positive encouragement as opposed to “tough love”? When they need to be forgiven for a slip-up and helped to move forward as opposed to be hit over the head? What strategies can you use to break through if they get upset and shut you out?
I think I’m good at giving them positive and constructive encouragement and to help them see how to move forward and why they want it, but I suck at the confrontational stuff – across all areas of my life. I find it hard to de-emotionalise to give critisism or tough love constructively.
Cheers,
Suz
xx
Hey Craig,
Well I had an eating disorder at 46 kilos and one at 85 kilos… so now I would say although I have a bit of a challenge when it comes to eating the outside of a crunchie bar… it is more an idiosyncracy! and one I am comforable with…I
My triggers these days are being tired, run down…. then I tend to want to eat wheat which I am allergic too … Anyway I am here to for progression not perfection… and from where I was once a slave I am now not..
1. Find your trigger – not being appreciated, tiredness
2. Call it what it is. If you have an eating ‘challenge’! A disorder is something when you life doesnt work a challenge is something conquer.. I will never conquer food.. as I dont control it… however i can put it in its place and manage it strategically.
3. Keep a diary. Yes .. I have to do this generally I go off about once a week but am more inline than I ever was.
4. Get yourself an accountability partner – Funny how this works…
5. Shift your focus- Find a goal… and not weight loss…. for me I supose self hatred was massive so I was addicted to bashing myself up but I do have a massive heart and passion so .. the drive to help others in the end is proving to save my life…
6. Stop using food as an incentive or reward… would way prefer new bike pants
7. Join a support group… TEAM work.. a must … totally agree with this point and am glad you… mentioned this.. I dont do OA but I run some different meeting and I will say nothing ever worked for me before this… whatever gets results !
8. Don’t start any more diets or crazy-arse, quick-fix programs. IfBeen there dont go there anymore.
Hey Suza,
I supose I am fortunate enough to have such ‘honest’ people in my life.. as much as it hurts it good.. the way I keep accountability
1) i report my calories and excercise weekly to a lady (online)
2) I see my coaches/mentors weekly
3) I mentor/conduct meetings weekly for ‘girls’ who are being rehabiliated so that they have someone to be accounatble to…
Apparenlty I am a very direct/millitaty style person… which not everyone likes however is me..(actually alot dont). so whilst I am encouragaing I am not going to tell you, you are doing great I am more likely to say great form .. keep it coming!
However different people respond to differnt teaching styles so you DONT have to be confrontational to be effective… the lady I report to isnt and to be honest I have had the most progress with her than other styles (with food).. however when it come to training wishy washy doesnt work for me.. I dont cut a sweat that way ..I like it hard XX
Hey there Craig and everyone else. I’ve been one of the “lurking for a while in the cyber-space shadows” people so hello to you all. Firstly Craig, your posts are always filled with something I can take on board and the resoponses are the same. I love the honest approach you take in making the rest of us take accountability for our actions.
I’ve been very much on the weight rollercoaster now for many years and have just taken a stand to wake up to myself and stop the nonsense once and for all. I’ve just joined a local community group which runs for 10 weeks where you are fined for putting on weight and not turning up to the meetings. That’s been the big stick I’ve needed to keep myself on the right track.
Keep up the good work Craig and I will try to pop in a little more from now on.
Thanks, Kate.
I can see your point – “that different people respond to different teaching styles” and that one doesn’t necessarily “have to be confrontational to be effective”. Maybe after a little while I can get some feedback from my “charge” and assess where I can improve.
In terms of training I don’t do easy either. I won’t ask someone to do anything I’m not prepared to do myself, so I feel no guilt in making them really push themselves. And my martial arts background really teaches that “suck it up” philosophy. Not until you physicall fall over are you allowed to stop. For a small break.
Mostly I’m moving into the head stuff though, rather than food & exercise accountability. I feel like that is a much greyer area – not quite so clear-cut on when you’ve slipped, etc. Or maybe it IS just as black & white. I’m hoping more practice will help me improve. Apologies to my guinea-pigs in the meantime, I guess!
Suz
xx
Nah sweet Suz, understand.. for me i have to think black and white in the head stuff as if i allow grey (matter) i never get through.. ie… to hazy must be faded out!
I get ‘your’ not soft Miss 1000 trophies for martial arts (ouch)
For head stuff .. . I use you can bash yourself up tomorrow (permission granted working with rather than against, but doesnt allow slacking now for me)
It is right or wrong.. Fact …Do what works…just detach…
But in regards to accountablitity for head stuff I am more than happy to be an accountability partner.. Actually that would be awesome! I have just listed three thought processes (wont go into here) or rather fantasties that no longer serve..and wish to get rid off… (monitor to obliviation) . Would be great to have a woman to do this with… Personally i tinnk we can add them to our program as this is where it all starts… they are just as dangerous..they are the seeds of life or death!
In the end i supose it all does come down to ‘self discipline’ and ‘honesty’ am more than happy to be an honest partner… or as honest as I can;)
Personally I understand the suck it up but prefer to breathe it out! Let me know.
Cheers Kate
Hey Craigo,
Great topic … I’m really glad you got back to this one and didn’t forget it!!!
I both love and hate food!!! I’m pretty good with the excercise thing … it’s the food thing that often lets me down. I like your listed strategies too … I keep a food and exercise diary and it helps keep me accountable.
But I think it’s like everything you say about change – there needs to be an emotional shift in order to make the positive changes the new “norm”.
My emotional shift started a few weeks ago – as a result of some advice you gave me – and I really feel my attitude to food is changing. But it will be something I will have to work on for the rest of my life!
Okay I’ll ‘fess up: I eat the outside of the Crunchie first too and I have been known to eat an entire 200g packet of Lime and Cracked Pepper chips in one sitting (truth: 46.6g of fat and 980 cals). Ugh. I feel ill just thinking about it!!!
Suza: Great suggestion chicky! What a good idea. I, for one, would love to learn to be a good AP and would welcome a post like that.
Enjoy Thursday everyone!!
Em
( ) x
Kate, I like the “breathe it out” concept. I feel calm just thinking about that. Whereas “suck it up” inspires more gritted teeth and head-down-bum-up images. Probably both very useful in different situations, so I’ll remember that one!
And you’re right – “honesty” and “self-discipline” are key. You’re not gonna crack those self-limiting behaviours unless you’re willing to be honest and you’re not going to consistently move forward without self-discipline. So I need to remember that it IS really black & white when it comes to someone’s behaviour or choices being either better for them or worse for them. Hmmm .. interesting food for thought.
After RYL2, I’m hanging out for the weekend to get all my thoughts down on paper. So much buzzing through my head – self-limiting behaviours, goals, fears, core values .. you name it! And I’m lucky to have someone who’s going to kick my butt with regards my social issues (ie. when I choose to hide myself away in hermit-land rather than get out in the big, wide world of .. *gasp* .. people!).
The three thought processes you mentioned .. are they things that you are wanting to work on for your self-improvement?
Thanks for your input, as always. You’re grouse! xx
*Another hand goes up for eating the outside of the Crunchie first*
And the outside of a Mars Bar. And Turkish Delight bar.
But it’s logical – it makes it last longer!
(And you get into much more of a mess, which is always fun!)
HAHA, but I dont eat the centre (too many caloires) LOL…
Suza,
Yeah for me suck it up all came across well lets say unlady like to say the least and just didnt sit right.. I mean I get the concept but??? please!
In regards to the black and white at the end of the day I believe that is the truth however in order to go from white to black sometimes we must go through grey! but the end result – you said it ‘ FROM BLACK TO WHITE! VIS VERSA!
In regards to the three processes.. yes they are for me to be better… I need a different level of resistance now.. time is a ticking babe:) and im not GREAT yet.. hehe
and well in plain reality they just dont work.. pure waste of head space!
** thanks for your honesty guys I always get teased about eating the oustide of chocolate bars;) Now well I just dont feel so alone !
I think the whole ‘good food vs bad food’ issue is extremely relevant when it comes to emotional eating or indeed any eating behaviours. You touched on a great point in mentioning that we should be striving toward ‘normal’ eating. I guess the problem is that, considering the ridiculous amount of info out there, it’s hard for many people to know what normal is or should be! It’s no wonder most people end up trapped by one diet or another, all of which bring us back to that same issue of good vs bad. And given that there is always some small excitement or sneaky joy in being ‘bad’, it’s not really a recipe for success.
The most powerful thing for me has been to learn to look past all the information (yes, still research and learn but try to do it objectively) and focus on a diet that is simply about getting back to basics. About eating good quality foods in their natural state, and not overthinking it if I do choose to eat processed or ‘unhealthy’ foods from time to time. It’s an ongoing journey though!
I reckon the whole food issue thing starts from when we are kids. If I look back to when my mum & dad were kids I dont think there was food issues because they just didn’t have the the choices or the disposable income available to the them. They ate fresh from their own parents vegie gardens & you purchased flour sugar etc from what used to be your local corner store. There mum used to only use what was in season and preserve or bottle the excess for later.
Now we dont do that, everything is available laddened with addictive sugars and fats, advertised at every opportunity to encourage you to “purchase me this is what you want”.
Many of us (me included) have fallen victim to the fast and easy approach eg: pre packed pre cooked you dont have to do anything just heat & serve, purely for convience sake, we all live busy lives now.
Is this teaching our kids the right eating habbits? Definately not I now know that you lead by example. So I cook nightly meals & we sit around the table & enjoy the whole food eating thing. I now encourage them to take healthy lunches to work and avoid the lunch vans that drive around factories selling pies & all sorts of food & lollies.
Have they grown up with food issues? Probably… just like I have (4.00pm munchies get me all the time) but hopefully they wont be as hung up on them as I was.
It is when we beat ourselves up over eating that choc bar & that bag of chips etc that we create the food issue. I am learning you cant change the past only improve on the future choices. If you want it, eat it, enjoy it for what it is, dont let it rule your next decision.
Sorry rambled on a bit then
Sue
*hand up* I also take the chocolate off the outside, but not the whole lot in one go….bite size bits around the honeycomb & then eat that chocolate-less piece of honeycomb & then start again. Same for the Mars Bar. Not the turkish delight cos that is GROSS MAN!!!!!
I used to peel the lid off a pie & then squirt the sauce in…….
I eat mixed nuts one by one or same types together….
Vegemite or peanut butter sangas, often get the crust eaten off first & then eat the rest crustless….sometimes mashing the bread together to squeeze out the vegemite/pb & butter……
I too used to eat my vegies first before meat, cos we were always told to eat our vegies first. As I got older I realised I didnt have a problem with vegies & therefore I could eat in whatever combo/order I liked
My problem with food is that I love it & can eat the healthy stuff but in abundance = not so good……
I Craig and contributors,
I have been lurking in the cyber shadows for a couple of weeks now but i have followed your posts on/off for ages.
I am generally good with the gym but sometimes (1-2 week) i massively binge on something. I don’t think its a problem as im only 172cm and 65kg but i think if i stop going to the gym it could become an issue.
I love having aims such as run for the kids and around the bay in a day as they tend to keep me motivated and stop eating AND DRINKING (big issue) in excess.
Anyway I can happily say i have been to the gym straight for 2 weeks because of the motivation from your posts. Keep up the Awesome Work.
just wanna say to Gail – i hear you i have been there too and became ‘fat’ during puberty to keep my abuser away – but there does come a point where you have to let your past be exactly that – the past. or else trust me it will eat up your future too and whoever that b#$%*#d was dont let him destroy that too. be happy and confidence enough not to use any crutch (food/nicotine/bad boys!) not saying its easy but you are better than that. Mr H shared 3 amazing words with me CREATION NOT REACTION.
Sorry this one was a bit heavy but felt compelled.
And yes narelle have done the jar of nutella and a spoon thing. not for a long time though but i still reckon i have that few kilos around my waist!
This is the first time I am actually commenting.. (yes I finally did it)
Reading all the comments made me realise that I am not alone in my self destruction. I don’t know if I am relieved or disappointed. Is emotional eating a daily struggle just as a drug addict would describe their life? Can I as a emotional eater try to make myself feel better and say that this is so much harder than alcoholism and drugs, because food is just everywhere. I sit on the couch it’s on T.V I walk out the door it’s in the aisles at the stores, all conveniently there calling to me “eat me” “eat me”.
Ever since I can remember I have been an emotional eater ,as a child my mother handed me food so I would shut up and leave her alone . In my teenage years I stuffed myself with it and found that it actually made me feel better about myself temporarily. I remember waking up in the middle of the nights, stealing food out of the pantry, having my fix. Stuffing myself with food till I can’t no more, then feeling terrible about it- that’s a weekly occurrence for me.
My battle with my weight, up down, up again.. heavier than before, down then up again. During the times I am at a healthy weight I still remember binging once a week then exercising ridiculously to counteract it. It feels that I have an all or nothing personality. I am not able to have a single cube of chocolate or one slice of pizza or a single chip from a bowl. I want it all! Or I seem to stay away from it completely, then eventually giving in and filling myself with it. All this then makes me hate myself even more because I lack self control.
So today I threw all the sugar packed and fatty foods in the bin, just so I wouldn’t be tempted. (can I just say that later on in the day I actually thought about o getting them back out, but I didn’t!!!) So I am going to start at number one, what is my trigger?
Thanks for the topic, look forward to reading more about it.
When I decided in May 2008 to change my habits, I started a food diary. It’s online and works out the calories for me – call me a cheat, it’s okay
– and I have not had a day off since. I’ve come to the conclusion that this might just be the way of it from now on. And yes, I am honest. I was too fat to be dishonest with myself.
So, 54kg lighter, what have I learned? Honesty, commitment, moderation, and that I am an emotional eater. We had to put our pooch to sleep last week and all I wanted was chocolate. I had one piece and then found another way to release the grief. I think my partner is all hugged out, but I got through it without a lot of chocolate. (Once upon a time, I would have eaten the whole block in a blink.)
Not using food as a reward has been very very helpful but it was a very hard habit to break. My mother used food (chocolate, of course) as my reward so it felt completely ingrained in my way of thinking. But I did it, thankfully. Only trouble is, I’ve substituted food with clothing – so totally enabled by the fact I can shop anywhere now (from size 26/28 to 14/16)!
But ultimately, this is still a learning curve – which is weird to say at 34! I only have 9kg until I reach my goal weight (and I will reach it), therefore the next challenge will be to figure out how to maintain. It sounds easy but as someone who has been obese my entire life – until now
– it’s actually a scary proposition. Armed with my food diary and all the lessons learned, I hope it won’t be as hard as I think.
Find your trigger – easier said than done, I often binge and ask myself why, as yet I haven’t found the answer.
I am also one of those people who look in the mirror and then eat cake anyway.
I can eat healthy for a few weeks at a time then fall off the wagon big time. I have lost 19kg and have another 12 to go and I think if I didn’t binge I’d be there already. Oh well I’ll get there eventually with the help of your posts Craig ( I usually find something I can relate to), and other things I do like regular exercise.
Lucinda
He he .. funny how you attract things. After my (numerous) posts above about how to be a good Accountability Partner and how to give the “tough love”, I just received a perfect lesson from one of my APs, aimed squarely at my weakest area. A complete pasting. With firmness, directness, honesty and love, but a complete pasting nonetheless. So now I know what it looks, sounds and feels like. Thank you, Universe!
I’m just finding i’m less interested in food, not so much giving up but more the portion sizes. For example, I would eat a bag of snakes as in lollies now it’s just only a few. So exercise and better foods do work!
Suza if you read this re an AP, remember, they can rant all they want but it’s up to you or me. My AP last night told me something re someone else and it was not harsh, but more, well it made me look at myself a bit better so I’m sure AP was not really pasting you.
Hi Guys
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, ideas, stories and feedback. I don’t have time to answer personal questions today but maybe you can help each other out a little?
I want to say hi to our newbies – Belinda, Mick, Di and anyone who didn’t say so, but is a first-time commentor today. We love your feedback and participation because it helps us all of us grow, learn and become a better version of us.
There is not one teacher on this site, there are thousands – that’s you. Enjoy your day
xx
Ahh cool loving it!.. Di, Lucinda, Laura
Well Di dont despair trust me .. from a hopitalised anorexic to an overweight probably obsese… I understand and yes I have had to treat my food alot like a drug addiction in ways as in reality it is the second biggest killer besides smokes… One day at a time.. I like Craig’s OA suggestion I think that is very open minded….
Anyway for me the amount of times I threw all food out and them got it back was amazing.. that is how I ended up Anorexic as I decided not to eat as I could never seem to accomplish a week without a binge… and if I didnt have food then I couldnt binge – I thought this approach was very simple .. NOT ..so in the end NOW i just minimalise the damage.. and my mind is actually free from the OBSESSION TO consistenlty eat and to NOT eat… interesting as I even remember once when I was very heavy (didnt weight myself) that I couldnt stop eating I actually decided to eat 2000 cal in total (as I would be lighter but to eat every two hours junk food as this is all I could manage at the time .. it actually worked as I felt really sick after two weeks and lost weight at the same time…
Anyway… went a bit weird then at the end of the day I now log calories and for me it probably will be that way for the rest of my life .. but you know what I am okay with that .. I will never weight myself again.., try to be perfect, and if I do binge I just get Straight back up… but today I am happy, healthy..and comfortable.
Suza I’ll bet you bite the chocolate off the long sides of the crunchie first before the 2 short ends. Am I right?
Hi Michael. No, it was a definite pasting .. and a deserved one. From the person who knows me best on this earth. And who loves me unconditionally. But he cut straight to the core and didn’t fluff it up around the edges. There were a few tears and a bit of snot. From me, not him. But I was ready to hear what he said. And I thanked him and told him I loved him for being my best friend and being so totally honest with me. I wasn’t kidding when I said I witnessed the perfect example of exactly HOW to do what it was that I was asking about earlier. And from the best seat in the house!
Johnny Mo .. actually, no. It’s short ends first, then sides, then bottom and finally the top – coz the top comes away from the honeycomb easily and by that time the slobbered-on honeycomb is getting a little .. er .. unstable to hold. It’s a very measured, very technical experience. And by the time you finish, your teeth are all goo-d up with honeycomb and your thumb and forefinger are swimming in melted chocolate from holding the bar for so long. Ahhh, bliss.
The Mars Bar is eaten in the same order. Seems I do chocolate bars like I do vegetables – in a particular order every time. Am NOT a sad, dysfunctional, anal-retentive freak!
Did I spoil your illusions??
Food, food, food, FOOD, DROOL…. FOOD………… Ahh I love it.
For me what works is having a balance between what the emotional me wants to eat and what I know is good for me. I tend to take a long range view of food over a 4 week period and rather than viewing food as good or bad my motto is that it is all about balance.
Chocolate, pizza or whatever is OK in occasional moderation. No foods are forbidden – it is just a matter of finding a balance
I wrote a guest article on an Australian Nutritionist’s (Kathryn Elliot) blog site about how I eat ALL foods (OK well not Maccas etc cos I hate that type of stuff) guilt free and keep a sense of balance:
http://kathrynelliott.com.au/blog/2009/02/03/diy-food-panel
Perhaps someone might find the Food Panel I refer to a useful technique.
Cheers…..I am off too eat a delicious mango….yummo yummo
Johnny Mo – Are you having a bit of a dig?
Eating a Crunchie very methodically is a great technique. It is all part of what I call mindfull eating…. ie being fully aware of what you are doing and enjoying each mouthful rather than just pigging out and then a bit later wondering “shit did I really eat all that?”
Awesome reads today! Awesome work Phlashh, Lucinda and Laura!
Belinda, – I am going to take something from your idea of fines! Tough but good and effective! Maybe a fine if our start of month weight is heavier than start of the previous month during weight/fat loss? And when at maintenance a fine for if weight is any more than 3kg over target weight or something similar. Of course waist measurement or other means can be used. A fine each time we break a non-negotiable behaviour too could be good! I will work on that!
It seems the longer we (I) have had annoying issues the more complex and probmatic they can come. I know what needs to be done, know how to do it, know it’s possible, even think I CAN do it but somehow don’t believe I WILL do it and sustain it which helps make re-starting again harder each time. The more yoyo/stop/start/time consuming and financial baggage behind us, the less confident we can become in whether we see things through! Although when on track I make great progress, feel great, invincible/unstoppable, balanced to a degree and not deprived! But then CRASH!
I’m thinking this. Imagine you are bankrupt and you get the chance to rule off and start again. I have decided to apply this to my doings regarding physique/health/fitness management. That is back to basics, not worry or analyse the past or make big plans for quite a while in the future and ignore the ‘now’. Yes, I have goals for future and targets to meet with dates in mind. But from now the focus will firstly be on the day at hand, secondly on the week at hand and to take it day and week at a time analysing progress week by week………..Drumroll starting tomorrow 16 Oct 09. I am still achieveing in my modest financial goals but need to get it all happening still.
Pip
Chocolate is my food fetish, too.
When I lived in Europe I once had a hormonal power(less) surge and had Aero bars for dinner. Thank God they’re hard to find in the States…
That’s a mean trigger though
Pip, I wish you the best of luck.
I understand what you mean about the knowing what to do but believing you’ll succeed??? Yep, I was there. When I hit the scales at 140kg, I think I had accepted that I’d be obese all my life. But then I watched as my sister lost 50kg+ and realised that I could do it too. Every milestone has been an eye-opening adventure for me. Like when I finally dropped below 100kg for the first time since I was 13. Relief and disbelief (I think I hopped off and on the scales 3 times to make sure it was true!) fought an almighty battle in my belly!
I still have moments of doubt that I’ll make it just like I am sometimes gripped by the absolute fear that I’ll wake up tomorrow 54kg heavier again. Logically, I know it’s not going to happen. Emotionally… yeah, still working on that.
I’ve noticed a very strange phenomenon going on in my head though. When I didn’t give any thought to the food going into my mouth, I just got bigger and bigger. Now that I’ve lost all this weight, I think about food 10x more than ever before. I think there’s a fine line between obsessing over it and being aware. I’m totally okay with keeping a food diary for the long term. After almost a lifetime of being a mindless eating machine, it’s a rather refreshing slap of reality. And of course, the benefits far far outweigh the negatives!
One of your best blogs Craig. I particularly liked the paragraph about “being good” which hit me over the head like a 2×4. That’s part of the daily rap in my house. “Were you good today? I was. Nope I was bad.” Gotta rethink that language BIG time.
Doing the “head work” is so important to weight loss. We can lose but if we don’t figure out why we got fat in the first place, I believe that we’ll put it back on sooner or later. I find that most people can’t get into their heads until they’ve had some success losing and begin to understand what’s going on with them. I know that was the case for me. It’s also a little like peeling back an onion — I discover… change… grow and then discover more. Perhaps this is the mind’s way of protecting itself from TOO much self-discovery.
That’s for the food for thought. I’m NOT going to be good today. I’m going to be healthy… and normal. And then I’m going to do it again tomorrow. And maybe I can finally lose those last five pounsd that stand between me and “normal” BMI.
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