Learning From You
Once a fortnight (or so) here at me-dot-com, I walk to the back of the cyber-class room and hand over the teaching reins and coach’s whistle to you, my readers. Today is that day. Keep in mind that you don’t need to be a guru, genius or expert to teach the rest of us something (I’m none of those things, so there’s your proof). No, you just need to be willing to share your thoughts, ideas, opinions and experiences. Always one to shy away from the tough topics, 
today I thought I’d leave it up to you guys to explore the craziness that is… LOVE.
Of course we all want that one special, amazing, forever relationship, but is it possible?
Some questions for your consideration, discussion and dissection:
- Was John Lennon right: is love all we need (to make a relationship work)?
- Or, have we been scammed by the love songs and the movies?
- Does it depend on the individuals? The situation? Their beliefs? Their expectations?
- Is love enough for some but not all?
- Is the concept (of love being ‘all we need’) naïve, unrealistic and impractical?
- When is love not enough?
* For the sake of this discussion, let’s take it as a given that nobody should stay in an abusive relationship.
Love to hear your thoughts on this relevant-to-all-of-us topic. And, yes, as always I’ll give away some prizes for the comments that blow my Ugg boots off. 
Love this article? Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter today to receive more articles like this, and my FREE Ebook!
Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.
{ 8 trackbacks }
{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
I don’t believe love is enough in a relationship no, and I also believe that without love it’s not enough.
And to add more confusion I think it depends on what love means to different people.
I have some ex-partners including the mother of my children who I love and care about. But I couldn’t be in a relationship with them.
Why?
Different values, different ways of going through life, evolving differences, certain behaviors, the need to change you into something your not and complacency.
I think relationships are a package of love, acceptance, individuality, intimacy, togetherness, ideals, values, sex (Yeh had to chuck that one in).
Nothing like opening up a subject that has no real answer, just individual perceptions of what it all means. (or does it?
)
But beautiful relationships are possible, I love you Nik
I want to know the person I love and for them to know me. I also want us both to feel in control of the process – but part of love is a feeling of falling and helplessness. How do people get round this?
All you need is love, and a good divorce lawyer.
Hey Ian. I’m totally digging the public profession of love (to Nik). Nice work, you new-age man, you.
Maybe we can generate a marriage proposal from one of our cyber-family? No pressure. Fancy me suggesting marriage. How ironic.
Okay… if someone proposes here on the site by this Friday.. (it must be genuine, unexpected and for the first time), I’ll come and MC your wedding and eat your food. As long as you live in Australia, of course. Such fun!
What rules? Who cares?
No, love isn’t enough on it’s own. It is absolutely an essential ingredient but there is more than the Hollywood fairy tale we see in the movies time and time again. Sometimes it takes work, especially when our “perfect partner” has flaws (OMG, no way!) so yeah, it takes a willingness to work through differences and also to learn to accept ourselves and each other. It’s a blend – shared interests, acceptance, passion, love, commitment, compassion… all mixed in with a good romp in the hay.
And btw, yes Ian, beautiful relationship are possible. I Love you too babe.
When the chips are down and everything is moving against you, who is the person (co-pilot) you want by your side? Thats when I know its love. In simple man’s terms……….if I’m stuck in an airport in a 3rd world country (or Sydney on xmas eve!) delayed, the only food available are chips from a vending machine and drinking warm beer who do I want perched on their backpack on the floor next to me making me giggle at the small things? You don’t need grand jestures of diamond bling as a sign of love….its when its all stripped back to the simple things that its obvious
“Love” is it the fireworks and the band playing and that amazing flush of excitement and adrenalin of the first kiss?
Is it being comfortable enough in each others company not to have to speak but just “be”?
Is it acceptance of each others foibles and idiosyncrasies?
I believe it is all of the above and a whole lot more. I have been married for 25 years now and it feels the same as it did when we married just a lot more deeper.
Love grows as we grow over time (if we let it).
The love that I feel for my husband is very different from the love I feel for our children.
Now that is such a deep seated emotion, something that I was not aware of until we had our kids and they are now 21 & 18 and I still well with pride when they achieve and cry with them & ache when they are hurt (physical & emotional). In the eyes of a parent your children really can do no wrong.
Can you fall out of “love” most definitely for more reasons than I can imagine. My Mum always said you have to work on a marriage every day it doesn’t just happen.
The love that you share with your girlfriends or mates is again different from that love of your partner or children.
I think a lot of people put pressure on relationships because of environment that we live in today, they expect the dream and reality is not always that rosy.
Just my views of what love is to me, forever changing.
Sue
Buff Boy (yesterday’s post) do you want to marry me?
* Was John Lennon right: is love all we need (to make a relationship work)?
All I know is this – love as the others have pointed out, is a unique concept to the individual. I think love in a general sense is a balance between caring and looking after the people, animals and the earth BUT with boundaries for yourself. I think there is too much fixation on a relationship, like to make it work suggests it should be like a car, if you do X and Y it will run. With humans, and I would suggest pets, you know it does not work that way. Hitler tried to alter a race and it did not work because even with rules we have, unspoken, cultural and legal, humans and pets don’t do what we want 100% of the time.
* Or, have we been scammed by the love songs and the movies?
Yes but they are fun. It comes with maturity. How many murders do you see on TV yet 99% of us don’t do it. Yet, we do not often realise the stupidity behind the love song. It an be a negative experience. Maybe when we hear these songs they are actually about a feeling that is in ourselves and cannot be extracted externally.
But there is no doubt that visual and audio images that talk about love good and bad are, and will continue to be, very powerful for ever.
* Does it depend on the individuals? The situation? Their beliefs? Their expectations?
,
I don’t know how to answer that but what I do now, what lesson I have learnt is, that love cannot make one not lonely, unafraid or a better person. Sadly, many I know seem to think that a relationship is a token to show the world i’m desirable, not alone and I have one you don’t.
* Is love enough for some but not all?
What is enough????? Picture this. If we had a lifespan of say 500 years for each person and we lost the partner, it would be the same as if we married at 18 and lived with the one person until the big D arrives.
* Is the concept (of love being ‘all we need’) naïve, unrealistic and impractical?
It’s a matter of semantics. What is need. We know when we don’t have any kind of love it is not good, but whilst it is not naive or impractical, it is unrealistic to expect love will be there 100% of the time on earth.
* When is love not enough?
It is not enough when the person, and that includes one’s mother, father, friend, anyone, makes you feel bad about yourself.
I know many many new ages and people like Craig will always say no one can make one feel or do anything. Up to a point.
Also, when you change yourself to suit others. We have to change in certain situations, i.e. at a job etc, but when you put 100% of the time to please someone especially in a friendship or partnership, you end up with people disrespecting you. I have been on the end of that.
I have no marriage proposal to anyone thanks
Wow what a topic, having recently separated from my husband, this one punches close to home. I still believe that you can have that one beautiful lasting relationship if both parties work towards it and fight for it. Love isn’t enough when you are asked to put aside your own hopes and dreams, love isn’t enough when you start to see that differences between you don’t actually make you stronger, they cause subtle fractures that work their way from the inside to the outside.
However love is enough when a hug can remove the residue of a bad day in a single instant, love is enough when you work together and support each other. Love is enough when you do your best to help the other person shine. Love is open communication, laughing, honesty, shared thoughts, unique individuals that come together, retain their own identity yet have some extra shazam because they are together. Love is not being afraid to really say how you feel, to know that one person will always be in your corner as you are in theirs, a real freedom of self comes with love.
Love is faith, and I know that it happen to me again. Have a great day guys!!
Love is about always going the extra mile for the other.
And, HUGS.
I love this topic. I know people who think a single love should be forever and others who think love with certain people suits certain life stages but one love can’t be forever.
Me – well, I’d like to think that my one love can be forever. Lately there have been some really hard times. But, I put up with it. Why? Partly because I made the vow “for better and for worse” and it certainly was the worst for a while there. Partly because my love is also the father of my children. Partly because I believe in love and in the fact that if the relationship isn’t abusive and you have some love for someone, then “the better the devil you know” for want of a better saying.
It’s like moving house because your current house needs some work, or buying a new car because your current car just cost you $600 for a new radiator. You could trade for a new one and it might be better and cause no problems, or maybe none for the first couple of years. But you don’t know, and it’s risky – it could go either way.
OR, you do the maintenance, fix the cracks (although I recently read something that said cracks aren’t bad, they let the light in – I like that) and have something that you know well, know what the downsides (and upsides) are and if you keep maintaining it, it’s beautiful.
But then, maybe this reads like I don’t like change…hmmm, interesting…I’ll ask my counsellor about that tomorrow
Now that I’ve had a good night’s sleep, time for a more serious reply.
No, love is not enough. To state the obvious, love is a very strong positive emotion for another person. When you first meet someone that emotion can be based on any number of facets – the experience you shared, the way they look, the sound of their voice, the way they treat you, their taste in books, the thrill of the new, and so on.
Emotion it is, but emotions are fleeting things. To endure, love needs to be continually rejuvenated, and I think that can only happen when you have a solid foundation based on shared values, shared principles and (at least some) shared life goals. Without the foundation, what was once exciting in your partner can become grating, what was once seen as spontaneous can become irresponsibility, what was once the thrill of being “needed” can become cloying dependency.
This focus on romantic love has not always been with us – I think its roots are the Romantic movement of Western Europe in the 1700s. Hollywood just keeps carrying the torch. Romanticism, I think, threw the baby out with the bathwater. Romantic love is not enough… a love needs to have some rational foundation.
Love is not enough when the kids are acting out because the parents are fighting all the time. Love is not enough when hubby spends too much time at the bars. Love is not enough when mum spends household money for her shopping jones.
So, yes, the concept of “love is all we need” is naive, unrealistic and very impractical. If some partners can say “yes, love is all we need” then they also have the ability to communicate deeply with each other and their beliefs, values, and expectations are close to being the same or they are complementary. So, there again, love is not all they need.
But, no, we have not been scammed. We all want to believe that love is all we need . We hope love is all we need. But, deep down, we all know it isn’t true, unless we’re 16, that is. So, it makes us feel good to hear it in a song or played out in a movie. It’s wishful thinking.
John Lennon was wrong but he was stoned all the time and he was rich. Both those factors might go a long way towards making a relationship work. (But only if both partners are stoned all the time.) And, yes, anything is possible.
Love Never Fails. 1 Corinthians 3:18
Hi Craig:
I love your posts..as for love is enough?like they say too much of anything is not good…even sunshine will burn you i believe this depends on your definintion of “love”. It may not be head over heels in love, the person makes everything “right in my life” rather its appreciation and companionship..
as for me the qualities such as loyatly and reliability itself mean love…..
thank you!
Wow. Love does have different meaning to different people. It does boil down to what they believe. I believe in Love unconditional love. Love is never ending it is forever always. Love is explosive soooo explosive that I can not find the words for it. It is more than Wonderful. I personally share love. Inner beauty. Not what is on the outer world. Inner world is what brings about the outer world. Love conquers all. Take a bad situation and make it into something good. Love makes you feel connected. Can one live on Love alone of course not. Love don’t pay the bills. However when you labour in Love and Love what you accomplish on our goals it does help in paying bills. For me personally speaking if I don’t have Love I am nothing. I never thought in a million years I could seriously unconditionally love anyone that I did not know. But I do. Seriously I do not know why I just do. God works in such wonderful ways. Or if you perfer positive energies. It is the most greatest gift anyone has been given. I blog about positives and love on aidpage all the time. It is sooooo amazing how one feels. From Canada
I really love all of you. My best to you my friends.
Love is grand, but it can’t stand alone . . . love without the solid foundation of dependability, trust, honesty and a good sense of humor is like comparing a sand castle to a brick house. One is cute, fanciful and will wash away in the first storm, meanwhile the brick home may not be as exciting, but you’ve got solid shelter in life’s storms.
Hi Craig,
I think Love is enough. I mean love the “verb”. Love the emotion comes from love the “verb”. Stephen R Covey describes this issue well in his book about the 7 habits of highly effective people. When asked to help a man who said that the love had gone out of his marriage, he said “love your wife”. Tha man was confused so he explained. Do the things that makes her happy, give her the things that she needs, listen to her. These are all examples of “love” the verb. Love the emotion will follow but it is the “love” actions that relationships cannot survive without”.
This is good Michael, simple and true. I’m going to find my copy of 7 habits now….
No, John Lennon is definitely not right and we have absolutely been scammed by love songs and movies.
Love alone is not: respect, values, common goals, sense of humour, drive, honesty, a similar outlook on life, affection, friendship, trust, understanding, communication, ethics, forgiveness, or a soft place to fall. I have been loved but not respected. Loved but not understood. Loved but shown limited affection. Loved with no common goals or a similar outlook on life. Loved but lied to. I have loved but not forgiven. Loved but not trusted. Loved but not respected.
Relationships are a complex mix of a thousand different things, and only when you meet someone who fits into that complex mix will things work out long-term. I think any intimate relationship needs all of the above and a stroke of luck to turn it into a lifelong adventure.
To Michelle: You might like these lyrics from Leonard Cohen’s song ‘Anthem’:
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in
Was John Lennon right: is love all we need (to make a relationship work)?
1. No, you need more than love to make a relationship work, you need a joint commitment to each other, you need the ability to communicate on every level, you need trust and honesty.
Or, have we been scammed by the love songs and the movies?
1. I don’t think we’ve been scammed, they are just that songs and movies, a way to escape to another place for a short while.
2. When you are in love, then love songs tend to speak to you, they make you think of the one you love.
Does it depend on the individuals? The situation? Their beliefs? Their expectations?
1. Yes, if you don’t fit with the one you love, if you are too different, then there is a good chance that in the end the relationship will not survive.
Is love enough for some but not all?
1. Love is enough only if you are willing to compromise your own ideals. It’s not enough otherwise
Is the concept (of love being ‘all we need’) naïve, unrealistic and impractical?
1. I believe it is, it’s a nice fantasy, always did love my Mills and Boon novels.
2. I’ve been there done that with the violent alcoholic, he was everything I shouldn’t have married.
3. On 4 September 2010 I marry the love of my life, yes I do believe in love, mind you I waited some 23 years for my “Knight is shining armour” to arrive. Is love enough, I don’t believe so. You need more, the same values, the same goals and desires.
When is love not enough?
1. Love is not enough when times are hard, it cannot sustain a relationship through the tough times.
2. Sometimes love is not enough 37 years later and a marriage falls apart, the parties have spent many years just existing together because it was easier, sometimes love dies and if there are not other emotions and shared ideals, then it’s all over.
3. I see it every day in my work, parties who used to “love” one another now tearing each other apart. Making accusations and just generally being horrible to one another.
4. Love alone is just not enough.
Love is real and wonderful and worth waiting for. I was 36 when I met my husband and had never even imagined myself in love before that (grade 5 crush excluded :p). He gives me goosebumps when he kisses me, he is the guy I want beside me if I am stuck in an airport on christmas eve, he is my rock and I am his.
Having said that, love is not always enough. Relationships take hard work and compromise. Even fairytale ones. Sometimes the compromises are just too big and one partner or both cannot make the adjustments required. Sometimes wonderful couples grow in different directions, perfectly matched for 10, 20 or 30 years and gradually needs change and are no longer being met. The love doesn’t always disappear, it just gets harder to feel.
I think that answers all your questions: love is not enough in some situations, but it can be just like the fairytales if you get really lucky!
♥♥♥
(yep, I am almost 40, married 18 months and ridiculously happily in love with my husband)
Hi Craig,
I believe to be in love or feel loved can have a big impact on a person’s life. Everywhere we read it talks about reaching out to someone who will support you, through good or bad times. No matter what the problem is.
Doesn’t matter if its emotional or physical support. Its the comforting,secure feeling you feel in your heart when someone is there for you.
It could be a friend,partner or even a stranger.
Though in a relationship love is a feeling not an emotion. In a relationship you need someone that can be there emotionally for you. To work together and try to understand your needs or pain.
Its not judging or critisizing your partner but helping them grow,encourage and stand beside them during their journey.
It’s giving your partner space to grow. Support and not boundaries.
Its the respect and honesty between a couple that will help them grow together. I don’t believe love is enough to keep a marriage together. I have been married for 26years and it has been a continuous workbook.
I believe a person needs to have an open mind and open heart to give a relationship the chance to work.
I don’t think that love is all you need. You can love someone and be loved by that someone yet still be miserable. And you can’t expect the person you love to be all you need – that’s a lot of pressure on them.
Love is a side dish to your life – it should accompany your (oh damn it – i’m going to say that word I hate) journey, but it shouldn’t be the reason for the trip.
I think songs and movie do brainwash us and give people unrealistic expectations.
Ahhh LOVE – intimate relationship symbiotic love is that what your talking of – so thats what Im going to try to put my spin on here. The highest lightest bestest feeling eva!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The rock upon which all good things sit comfortable and with confidence.
Commitment, dedication, motivation, compromise, understanding, empathy, taking a long view over a shitty hard slog is essential at times.
Love in a relationship is only possible through synergy.
Love is an umbrella over many other parts and the rock underneath as well. Only then is it cohesive and achievable. These parts arent set, they are mutable and depend on the individuals in the intimacy of “their” loving relationship.
As a lapsed catholic and a hopeless romantic I love one well known reading in the new testament from Corinthians Ive read infinity plus one times.(that may be a slight exaggeration -hehehehe)
Look it up 1 Corinthians 13 (1-13) It has kept me in good stead for many years, and in my humble personal experience says it all.
John Lennon sang LOVE is all we need. But us taking the view that LOVE is singular and simplistic is where we get it wrong.
Its the people that get that …that have the best chance of achieving it….if they want to..
Love is not enough when its not right. and yes thats simplistic but true ………for me.
I don’t think we should live in a rose coloured world, but I get annoyed by the concept that a realtionship needs to be ‘worked’. It implies a why bother attitude, it’s all too hard etc. When someone says my relationship is hard work I know they are having problems so I steer clear of them. I am not suggesting everything be perfect all the time, but relationships are taken far too seriously and analysed to the point where it becomes an exercise in thought not feeling and when that happens things go downhill.
I was madly in love with my first husband when I married him when I was 20 years old, he wasd 28. I certainly didn’t enter the marriage with rose-coloured glasses, I knew him well. He loved me, in his own way but unfortunately that wasn’t enough to sustain me “for as long as we both shall live” as I had expected and hoped.
He unwittingly took me for granted far too often by his selfishness and inconsiderate behaviour. I managed to stoically tolerate this for a few years by throwing myself into “immersion mothering” but over the next 23 years my love slowly dwindled. I felt my love wasn’t being reciprocated to the same intensity and I didn’t feel valued or appreciated in any way – I ended up like a wrung-out sponge, drained of love.
Every unkind exerience I had with him scored another nail in the coffin of our relationship, until my love died completely and I started to resent him. Not good. We divorced. He was devastated because he had no clue as to what had gone wrong, (despite my numerous attempts to try to explain how I felt) – I was joyously liberated because I had completed my grieving process during the marriage. He had to start from scratch!
I really believe that RECIPROCAL love, respect and communication are the keys to a lasting, happy relationship. I believe that both people in the relationship have to be unselfish and “giving” personalities oh, and of course, you have to be compatible in bed too!
I had several years as a single mother and numerous romantic disasters along the way – I learnt a lot through buckets of tears and a lot of heartache. I learnt that no matter how hard you try, you can’t make someone love you no matter how much you love them – it’s never going to work, so just move on, no matter how painful it is. Then I got lucky!
My second husband and I have been married for 10 years now and we are still deliriously happy. We hold hands walking out to the letterbox and constantly tell each other how lucky we were to have met. ( I met him at the local gym where I was working at the time!) He is the only genuinely unselfish man I know and his unconditonal, generous love still makes me swoon! He is a very tactile man and he loves me the way I need to be loved – I feel appreciated. I am a very lucky woman!
Its a well know fact that romantic ‘love’ is just a chemical reaction in the brain. if you sleep with someone enough the chemicals in your head produced by sex will tell you ‘im in love’ honestly its a proven fact google helen fisher (not me – a well respected sociologist and human relationship specialist) and see the facts. very interesting. thats why i don’t believe in that kind of love cause its just the brain drugs messin with your mind. Geez I am a cynic aren’t I.
Love is a fantasy, but the fantasy wouldn’t exist if we didn’t buy it. Why do romantic movies gross hugely at the box office – maybe because our head says it ain’t so but our heart longs for it to be true???
My story is similar to Kathleen’s: a long, loveless marriage followed by a wonderful relationship for the past 7 years with a caring, loving man.
I am now convinced that the basis of any healthy relationship is mutual respect. You cannot love someone you do not respect, so it is the essential ingredient to making a relationship work.
What does respect look like? It means that you don’t have to explain yourself or your actions to your partner (as he does not sit in judgment but loves you as you are).
You don’t have to agree on all subjects, but you each accept the other’s right to a different opinion without feeling the need for put-downs.
You don’t feel the need to change the other person. This doesn’t mean that you like everything about them (impossible), but you do not see it as your right to mould them into a better version of themselves (according to your taste).
You accept the other person as they are. If they do something which really irritates you, you feel free to mention it, but accept their right to change or not to change. Depending on the issue, you decide if it is a deal-breaker or decide to let it go (I have recently realized that given the world population, there are theoretically over 6 billion ways of doing anything, so why is my way automatically the best?).
I know all the self-help books say you have to respect yourself before you can have other people respect you, and I think there is a lot of truth in that. When my husband left me after bullying me and humiliating me for many years, I was full of outrage at the way he had treated me. I now realize that I had colluded in that treatment by allowing myself to be treated with disrespect.
I now value myself sufficiently to set boundaries, and do not allow others to treat me in a way which makes me feel diminished.
It takes a lot of work to take responsibility for your own life and not blame other people for your actions (or reactions), and it is an ongoing process, but totally worth the effort.
But Kathleen ain’t you idealising your second and demonising your first? How do you know he won’t go the same way? I think to put anyone on a pedistal is not wise. Sorry not criticising you, just it sounds like the issues from the from the first you seem to think are healed by the second. But issues have a way of coming back.
I wonder why this topic today? Have you fallen in lurve Mr Harper???
Love is enough BUT only if you work unconditional, unselfish, giving love. And it is hard work – I have been married for 28 years. there have been times when I have wanted to drop him down the nearest mine shaft and there have been times when he would have gladly drowned me in the deep blue sea but we made a commitment before God and our families that we would “have and to hold til death do us part”. We took that vow seriously then and we still do, so no matter what the problem or misunderstanding between us we work it out.
We haven’t fallen out of love because we are working at loving each other in the way that tells the other we love them. I want hugs and he wants the kitchen clean and tidy. He has learned to hug me and I have learned to enjoy making the kitchen clean and tidy.
I highly recommend one book….’The Five Love Languages’ It can be a revelation into how differently we show and read love.
Finally, the greatest love of all is the reason that motivates us to love each other … God’s love for us. There is no greater love.
the Cheeky Magpie
Love has so many stages. T
That first giddy few days/weeks/months/years when things are new and exciting. The headiness of the first kiss, meeting each others friends, dating, it is an amazing time.
After you get married things are fresh and new again, different experiences to share and strengthen your relatonship (first house, children etc).
Things simmer down (for most of us I would think) and we then go through stages of connecting and reconnecting. Your personal interests might change and things might strain (one working, one at home ‘rearing the kids!’) It’s at this time that I think you truly know the meaning of love.
If you can still look at the man/woman you married/live with and smile at things they do (even though there are times they drive you totally crazy), if you don’t like being apart from them and can’t wait for them to get home after a night with the boys, that’s when love will always be enough.
All relationships go through ups and downs, good and bad, exciting and monotonous but it is going through all these stages together and knowing that you will still be holding hands on the other side that makes it all worthwhile.
My husband may drive me bonkers at times, but I can not imagine a life without him.
No proposals huh? Still time. Chickens.
I’ll announce some winners of free stuff in the next few days. Thanks for all your fantastic input guys. Gold. Keep it coming – I’ll keep checking in.
Either he’s in love or he’s been listenening to John Mayer -
“All you need is love” is a lie, coz we had a love but we still said goodbye…
Ah…..John Mayer…..
Exhibit A: Hi im Sarah and I like the notion of a Cinderalla fairytale! Didn’t imagine my prince charming was eagerly waiting to have his uggies blown off or find a foot to fit in a glass slipper!
For me Love is not enough!………… You probably have strategically wound ducktape to the bottom of your uggies now? Take the movie Jerry Mcguire for instance, having someone to complete me is not quite going to blow my uggies off either!
I am one of “those chicks” who is happy with myself and would prefer to have someone in my life that can compliment me ( seen masterchef?) You know those dishes that are made so much tastier due to the different elements that are added, some of them are the unsuspecting elements that make a huge difference or can compliment the overall dish. Yeah, not looking for an entrée or a main, but someone who will compliment me as a person!
I have the old school mentality, perhaps one might assume fairytale notion of manogomy, what happened to that ? Its too easy now to divorce, too easy now for people to not take responsibility for their actions and too easy to have affairs. You can be in love with someone and they dissapoint you, they say expectation leads to dissapointment, maybe all involved should be open and honest about what their expectations or deal breakers are?
There are many realtionships out there that I do not envy, I think a lot of people like the notion of being in love, being married, in a committed realtionship, settled etc! The notion of ‘love is all we need” is unrealistic to me! What is love? I don’t like to own up to having a check list but I guess I better take a step out of the closest, I am looking for someone that loves to laugh as much as me, mutual respect, glass half full person, warm, sincere, similar morals and values and someone that has already had their mid life crisis (LOL) would be preferred.
You mentioned amazing, forever relationships. I believe they exist, Its out there, we make our own happiness, create our own ideals and situations. For me Its all about internal growth, when you are ready to have a relationship, your hearts ready and your open to new experiences ( excluding the swingers from across the road), It will manifest!
Put it out there when you are ready to receive and the universe might be able to whip something up in the so called “cosmic kitchen” and deliver you an exciting tasty dish that with a little bit of preperation time, sampling, getting to know you time, love might follow, Have to be open to receive!
Regards,
Sarah
Love is enough, the problem isnt with love, the problem is our concept of love. Most people have a warped concept of love and thats why their relationships dont work out. Love is more than feelings, its selflessness, its sacrifice, its patience, its tolerance, its forgiveness, its so much more than people think and when people start to have a wholistic concept of love and what true commitment is about then relationships will work out, there will be less heart breaks and divorces and love will truly be all we need.
As a mother of four kids – two of my own and two step-children….I believe that no, love is not all we need. We have to have common goals, common beliefs, common ways of dealing with problems. Yes, it is the opposite attraction that is so wonderful in the beginning, but when all the lovey dovey fades and you are facing financial burden, behavorial issues with the children (especially with the children that aren’t yours), work stress, etc……it takes more than love to work out all those issues.
Was John Lennon right: is love all we need (to make a relationship work)?
I have recently understood the difference of to ‘be in love’ not just and not just ‘love’
Being in love is an altered state of the mind. Suddenly your life is focused on another person and you can’t bear being separated. You are in a bubble of fantasy, feeling overcome and giddy.
Love for another person, in contrast, is closer to appreciation and affection.
Love is fairly reasonable, while being in love is more like a prolonged seizure, not literally sick or crazy, but one of those ordinary, positive ecstasies that take you out of ordinary life and introduces you to something new
To be in love is to share intimate feelings, hopes and dreams
To feel passion and excitement when the love of your life enters a room
To miss them and their touch and smell
To want to be around them and just listen to know and understand their every feeling, hurt, joy and frustration
Similarities exist when we love something or someone and to be in love with someone, pity it took me so many years to learn.
XXXX
Too true …..:-)
I have to agree with my Christian compadres here.. (even though sometimes I take the pi**) and John Lennon – Love never fails, and love is all you need. The concept is simple… there is love for our family and friends, and there is the kind of love for your significant other- the one you choose to navigate life with, that’s different…but I think the BIG one is Love for your fellow man… that crosses all divides religion, the colour bar..culture…its not what we have in common…its acceptance of the differences… imagine (as John Lennon said)… if we really “got” it then there would be no wars…no fighting…no adversaries… but John Lennon kinda condricted himself too…you can blame religion, or this or that… and hope for love and peace…but it comes down to us…how one interprets those words…and then “acts ” on them.. we all fall short….
I would add to the mix the most beautiful word in the English language….Grace and the most misunderstood. Grace, gracious,grateful … if we got this Love would be easy… what do people go to church for…when they are looking or searching, they go to find Grace and often don’t find it… and the real message of Love, is lost. If you’ve ever held a grudge, taken offence not talked to friends, relatives, made people enemies..for a long time. without making the first move……its because we see the world of “ungrace”…and keep reflecting it…people even leave the planet without ever having said sorry, “I forgive” …or they leave us never knowing how we “really felt about them”… yep… that state of grace…will give us all the love we need.. the ladder of grace reaches down and the ladder of power reaches up… depends on what our choice of reach is…in every situation, with every single human bean on the planet…including those closest to us.. As some famous showbiz person once said…”ego kills more people than cancer” From the p plater who gets in the car full of it…and wipes out someone else’s family, to the family argument… me me me me..I want I want I want….or Gadafi wiping out women and children..or a politician who fails to act on real medical care…and through ego…power a few hundred people don’t make it… Grace, love. not power and ego… Simple really….
East or West, The Dalai Lama, Mohammed or Jesus…all have been saying the same damned thing…Love your neighbour…(not that way…you doofus…).
No wonder God is out playing golf when we need Him….
Call me old fashioned, a new age hippy, call me whatever you like, but I believe in love. I think it’s a great feeling to love and be loved.
The word love to me encompasses many things. It’s respect (for yourself and others), loyalty, compassion, support, encouragement, achieving goals, friendship, caring, laughter, tears, (just to name a few). It’s enhancing all the good stuff and helping to lift eachother up with the not so good stuff. It ebbs and flows as we travel through life and it comes along at times when we least expect it.
That’s my basic take on “love”.