Before We Get Under Way…
For the purpose of today’s discussion, when I use the term “argument” I am talking about the loud, heated, unpleasant kind; the “I’m not listening to you” kind. I’m not referring to a friendly, good-natured, verbal disagreement and I’m definitely not talking about a discussion or an intelligent debate.
Shattered Tranquility
The other day (Good Friday) I was sitting in my front yard reading a book when I became aware of, what sounded like, two people arguing. I did my best to ignore the noise pollution and focus on my book but a few minutes later they were still going at it. By the time I had read the same sentence fifteen times in a row, I decided to investigate the chaos that was invading my tranquility and study time. Out of curiosity and perhaps a little frustration, I walked over to the (head-high) fence that surrounds my yard and took a peek over the top to see a couple in their mid-thirties going nuts at each other in the front seat of their car; which was unfortunately parked on the other side of my fence – fifteen feet away. The volume of their voices alternated between very loud talking, screaming and flat-out verbal abuse and the open car windows didn’t help. While I couldn’t hear the specifics – neither did I have any desire to – it seemed that the rather loud couple were arguing about something to do with their plans for the weekend, their in-laws and each other’s selfishness. And let me just add as an incidental side issue that the “F Bomb” was an integral and regular part of the conversation; always good with kids walking up and down the street.
My Thoughts on Arguing
Before we explore this topic any further, let me say that while I am a relatively strong personality with strong ideas and views, I rarely argue with people. In fact, almost never. I consider it to be a complete waste of my time and emotional energy. In general conversation I rarely share my thoughts with people unless (1) they ask for them or (2) I feel it’s appropriate or (3) I believe my thoughts and ideas may add value to the conversation. If I get a sense that someone is not open to what it is I have to say, I simply won’t go there. Some people are surprised to discover how quiet I can be in some social situations and certain settings. I don’t believe in talking for the sake of it. The years have taught me that many people don’t actually want a conversation; they want an audience. It’s also my experience that an argument is far more likely to produce more problems (negatives) than it ever will solutions (positives). Yet despite this obvious truth, many of us continue to argue almost every single day of our lives. Invariably with bad outcomes.
The Noise Continues
After tolerating Mr and Mrs Loud and Obnoxious for five minutes or so and not really wanting to become part of the action, I decided to retreat to the house to make myself a cup of tea in the hope that both, them and their noise, would be gone by the time I headed back to my sanctuary. Of course, it wasn’t to be. I walked back to my special reading chair under the tree and the noise continued. In fact, it may have escalated. I struggled on for a few minutes trying to absorb the words on the pages before me but it was pointless. I sat there for a minute or so wondering what to do. Years of bouncing in pubs had been perfect training for me to deal with loud, aggressive, irrational people but still, it isn’t really high on my to do list these days. “I’m much older and I teach people about calm and consciousness now”, I thought to myself. Nonetheless, some situations call for less theory and more action. I lifted myself from my special reading chair, walked through the side gate of my property and headed down my driveway towards the car of the Tranquility Shatterers. I can’t be sure but I may have had a mildly pissed-off look on my face. Eckhart would have been so disappointed. As I approached the car, the bloke could see me but the woman couldn’t as she had her back to me. I stopped about a metre from the car door and she slowly became aware that I was behind her. The yelling stopped and they both turned their attention to me. “What do you want?”, the alpha-male behind the steering wheel barked at me in a rude and aggressive tone. I won’t lie and tell you that I didn’t fantasize (momentarily) about hurting him (just a weeny bit), but fortunately for him (and me), I am not my thoughts. He should personally thank Eckhart for that. For a little while, I just stood there and chose not to say anything at all. I just looked at both of them. He looked increasingly uncomfortable. After a little contemplation time, I stepped forward, bent down towards the open window and said “you should both go now”. Or words to that effect.
Vroom, Vroom…
And with that, the tough guy fired up his engine and screeched his tyres as he accelerated away from my drive way. Once he was at a safe distance, he decided to hurl some abuse and profanity my way, while giving me the finger. Boy, he sure showed me. As the charming couple drove away, I pondered what an ugly, unproductive and unnecessary waste of time and energy that experience had been – for all of us. Completely pointless.
Some Things to Consider
1. Arguments (the kind we’re talking about today) serve no productive, valuable purpose. They are a complete waste of emotional and physical energy. And valuable time. Not only are they not helpful or productive, they actually put us in a bad place mentally, emotionally and physically. It may or may not surprise you to learn that a disproportionate number of people die from heart attacks while arguing. The common physical response to stressful situations such as arguments is increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, increased respiration, increased cortisol production and increased chance of stroke and heart attack. And therefore, increased risk of death. Doesn’t really seem worth it, does it?
2. It takes at least two people to have an argument. Learn to walk away. Walking away doesn’t mean that you’re weak or that the other person “wins”; it actually indicates you’re evolving and showing distinct signs of intelligence!
3. Most “Career Arguers” seek to control and dominate. They are all about imposing themselves on others. For them, logic, truth, intelligence, facts and even your point of view doesn’t really come into it. Interestingly, underneath their “tough and aggressive” exterior (facade), they are often insecure, fearful and weak.
4. The only person you can control (or should want to control) is you. Influencing others – good (sometimes). Controlling others – not good. Acknowledge the role you play in your arguments and commit to changing from right now. Even if you’re “right”, arguing is still a waste of time because the other person isn’t listening and isn’t receptive to your message. Find a better way. Rather than ramming your thoughts down their throat, ask yourself this question “is this the right time and situation to have this conversation and is he/she receptive to consider what I have to say?”. If the answer is no, you’re wasting your time and will probably add fuel to the fire.
5. There are much more effective ways of dealing with dominating, controlling types. Once you buy into their argument, you’re playing their game and they are in charge. Note: In addressing this topic today, I am not talking about people who are given to physical violence – that’s a different discussion altogether. I am talking only about the propensity many of us have to waste far too much time and energy on meaningless, counter-productive, destructive verbal arguments.
6. As harsh as it sounds, a lot of people don’t really care about your opinion. Or mine. It’s true. And it’s okay. Some people don’t want to talk with you, they want to talk at you.
7. Sadly, some people (okay, many people) will have the same argument about the same issues with the same people and produce the same less-than-desirable outcomes (frustration, resentment, anxiety, stress, misery), for years. And years. We mostly see this in family situations. That’s right; years arguing about the exact same things. You know exactly what and who I’m talking about here. For such evolved creatures (allegedly), sometimes we’re pretty stupid.
8. Just because you and I disagree doesn’t mean we need to argue or be critical of each other. Neither do we need to “win” each other over to our way of thinking. Productive communication and healthy relationships isn’t about winning, controlling or bullying; it’s about listening, connecting, respecting and understanding.
So Grasshoppers, your mission from right now (should you choose to accept the challenge) is to avoid all arguments for the next twenty eight days – as step one of your non-arguing journey. Starting…. now!! Let me know if you’re in and how you go. If you’re not sure how to leave a comment, click here.
Love this article? Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter today to receive more articles like this, and my FREE Ebook!
Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.
{ 63 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow! So avoiding arguments is not a sign of weakness?? That’s great news for me. I think I could count the number of arguments I’ve had on one hand. Maybe one hand missing a couple of fingers. I would just start blubbering and couldn’t get any words out, which made me feel inadequate .. oh, and I didn’t like the conflict. I’d never actually thought about how useless and destructive arguing is .. only that I felt a bit of a failure for not being comfortable partaking in it.
Having said that, I did have one very loud and very heated argument with a guy at work once. He was a bully and very aggressive with everyone and I’d had enough. So we went toe to toe in the middle of the office and he got the shock of his life when I let him have both barrels. And he was further perturbed when his normal standover tactic didn’t work – I was a good 3 inches taller than him. It was a very controlled action on my part and it felt great, I have to admit!
So accepting your challenge would be pointless for me. Too easy. No, my challenge is on the counter side of this – I can tend to stay too quiet about my feelings when I have a right to be heard. Resulting in a build up of resentment and other consequences. But I know this about myself and have done some work on overcoming it. All good so far!
Suz (Sydney)
Hey Craig, you’ve talked a lot about the things that AREN’T who we are:
- our body is not who we are, it’s only where we live;
- our thoughts are not who we are.
In starting to develop a picture of who we ARE though, would it be fair to say that our actions – and our REactions – DO start to paint that picture? Where our true feelings and beliefs lie (shown through our reactions)? And how we choose to live our lives (shown through our actions)?
Whaddayfink??
Suz
Howdy Craig
I soooooo agree with this topic. My ex LOVED to argue, still does to this day, but with his new girlfriend!! I used to try to "match" him in his arguments, esp. when I knew I was right (& later he would tell me I was, but it seemed he liked the idea of making me feel so belittled) but I got sick of the rage & negativity, so I would put my point across calmly & then say "We've reached a stalemate" & walk away. WOW! I can still feel the frustration I had with him from the many MANY arguments we had. It was ridiculous. My new guy & I have never even raised our voices at each other. Its nice to know that it isnt me that loved to argue (so I was told!!)
Here's to a peaceful 28 days & beyond…. tra la la la….
Cheers
Pet
xoxo
Hi Craig,
I try not to argue… I usually wind up in tears anyway.
My ex used to argue with me and would get annoyed that I wouldn’t answer back…mostly because he was the more dominant personality and never listened anyway.
I agree walking away is the best option. Though I do confess to a few small arguments with my 16yo son. (he is a clone of his dad…so should know better that to argue with him lol) I think I will look into other strategies. (actually have sent him to stay with his father for the holidays to give me some peace lol…that works!!!)
I hope you got back to your book and that you got past the sentence you read so many times…was such a lovely day weatherwise for a good read in the open air.
Hugs
Chelle xxx
Avoiding arguments doesn’t mean you can’t speak your mind or be a powerful person Suz – it just depends how you go about it.
I’m quite an assertive person but I don’t argue to get my point across.
( )
Just as you are not your thoughts or your body Suz, neither are you your actions or reactions. None of those things can truly define the essence of you. Who are you? You are the ‘awareness’ that recognises that you are none of the above.
The quest many of us are on to define, label or describe ourselves in order to “find out who we are” is in many ways, an exercise in frustration and futility.
By the way, our actions and reactions don’t always reflect our true feelings and beliefs. In fact, many people live a life (behaviourally speaking) which is at odds with with their core beliefs – because they live a life of compromise…
For the most part, labels are merely mental constructs that we create in an effort to explain the unexplainable and to give ourselves a level of certainty and comfort.
Thanks for the great questions Suz
Hi Pet – your “new guy” sounds like a gem! ( )
Yeah, I finally got past that one sentence Chelle! ( )
Oh Craig, seriously that topic is so close to my heart! Thank you for expressing my thoughts so eloquently about the subject. People often regard those who choose not to argue or to “defend their patch” as passive and weak. I have always just considered arguments a waste of time and energy. They are always based on defending the ego and invariably avoid taking a balanced approach to the subject under “discussion”. Thank you for being your ever so insightful self. Happy Easter. Emma
Yep guilty as charged! I’m an argumentative little so and so, especially with my husband.
I learnt a lot from reading this article today and am going to take you up on your mission. After all, it’s a pointless exercise and my time and energy could be better spent else where.
Thanks Craig.
)
Kindest regards,
Lia Halsall
http://www.liahalsall.com
You’re welcome Emma and happy Easter to you too..
You’re welcome Lia
You’ll love a life without arguments – it’s a much more peaceful place to be.
Enjoy the calm
And so will my husband Craig. LOL!!
Everything you’ve written is absolutely true, Craig. I try not to have arguments which won’t lead anywhere.
On a different note, I wanted to thank you for something. For the last 4 years I’ve had the goal of getting admission to the best b-school in my continent (Asia)(which is the world’s toughest educational institution to get into). Today, that dream has come true. During the preparation period, whenevr I felt down, or whenever I was in a deadlock, or had a failure, I’d come to your site, try to learn from your wisdom, laugh out loud at your hilarious posts, and would miraculously regain the strength to go on. I have printouts of several of your posts. My favourite is the post “A mildly amusing story about fear”, which is about your first public speaking experience. I’ve read it about 50 times. It gives me strength in case of a failure.
So THANK YOU CRAIG.
And lots of hugs. ()
-Susan
Hi Craig. For me, something interesting has come up from the comments above. Sometimes, when faced with an argumentative, controlling individual some people burst into tears because of the sheer act of having our power taken away from us. We may try to stand in our power and ‘defend’ our point of view, but fall short of the mark and crumble into a heap. Why? Because we actually care what the other person thinks of us and our opinion.
Interestingly, we can learn to stand in our own power and still not say a word! I mean, if we don’t really care what other people think, then why should it matter if they agree with our opinion or not?
I just don’t chose to put my energy into arguing anymore. If I really need to stand my ground, I try to do it from a place of humility. Mind you, I am NOT perfect and do slip into old patterns at times. But I try to honour the respect that I have for myself and for others in my interactions.
Thanks again for a great post.
Cheers
Nicole
Yes he will Lia!
Hi Susan
You are very welcome. It’s feedback like yours that makes me love my “job”. I am glad I could be a tiny part of your journey. Congratulations for what you have achieved so far and keep me (us) posted.
Take care ( )
Good advice Nicole – thanks for sharing ( )
Ahhh, yes .. I see your point re our actions & reactions often not being from our true feelings. I guess because I've changed so much in the last few months, I was thinking simply about how I'm choosing to live my life (which is pretty much as the person I aspire to be). Thanks for your answers .. ever more to contemplate! There are so many fascinating things to think about and discuss, aren't there??!!!
And thanks, Nicole. From your comment:
"…crumble into a heap. Why? Because we actually care what the other person thinks of us and our opinion."
I can see now why I have tended to become a blithering idiot when faced with a full-frontal argumentative attack. It was never fear – I'm a strong, powerful women with a strong and confident personality, and I never quite "got" why this would make me feel inadequate. I think you just nailed it. Thanks! A little more understanding of what drives me from my core helps me develop further.
Suz (Sydney)
Thanks Craig for this article, i have been sitting at home all day stewing over the way my ex mother in law continues to treat me. She is a complete bully and a major energy vampire!!!I was very inclined tonight to call her and give her a peice of my mind but there is no point because not only will she not listen but it will end up in an argument and quite frankly i couldnt be bothered! So thanks from saving me from a few of my own F BOMBS!!LOL
Lozz
28 days without arguing? Does this include arguing with yourself? I argue with myself the most these days. Okay, I’m in.
I grew up arguing with my father. Lots. Over the smallest, trivial things. I regret it now. So many wasted years. Couldn’t see eye-to-eye with him till about a year ago. It was never about him. It was about me. My unwillingness to deal with stuff in my world. We are so protective of our own opinions/view points that we put the blinkers on and shut out the people in our world who love us the most.
Jules
(Bayside Melbourne)
You’re welcome Lozz
That’s all arguing Jules…
Takes a lot to get me mad enough to get into an argument.
First of all, it makes sense not to get into a fight you can’t win.
Just shutting up takes a lot of practice but once you’ve got it -
The last encounter I got in was with a woman who was beating up on a small child in the supermarket.
I just went up to her and said in a very loud voice -
STOP RIGHT NOW OR I AM CALLING THE POLICE.
Also, some cursing me out. But it took the attention away from the poor child.
Otherwise, I am also, like you, prone to walking away or hanging up the phone.
Had an assignment from Problogger’s 30 Day Challenge to link to favorite bloggers.
You were one of the blogs I chose.
There is a person who really appreciates what you do in Chicago.
Thanks Corinne. I appreciate the vote of confidence ( )
Couldn’t come at a better moment. I’m in…and will let you know how I go.
J9 XO
Another belter Craig.
Cheers man. Keep it up
Scott (from Scotland)
I’ll be waiting J9!
Cheers Scott – enjoy your week.
Hi Craig,
I always try to stay away from heated arguments but get drawn back into them. I say “ok,Whatever” and its on again.
Or Im the peacemaker and i get shot down or accused of not seeing that persons point of view. What do you do?
Sounds great! Count me in! Arguements are interesting, I know my Ex and I used to argue a lot but my husband and I rarely argue (I can probably count 3 maybe in the last 5 years). The rest of the time, we discuss, and listen to each others point of view and one usually agrees that they may not have been right (which is also very good for a relationship!) and there have been a couple of rare times that we’ve agreed to disagree.
I have however been know to argue with other people (telecommunication companies etc) but will definately take the challenge!
Sounds like a very productive and healthy way to deal with things! I look forward to seeing how everyone goes!
OKAY YOU’RE ON. I’m in. What do you mean in? I’m in! But you said you’re in, didn’t you, so you HAVE to do it. Yeah I said I’M IN and YOU’RE ON! But that’s what I meant. No you didn’t. You’re crazy. Oooh I’m crazzzzy?
Oh for sure Craig, I’m in 1000%
….here goes
28 days of being more aware and no arguing. Yep, count me in.
CJ
And I thought I was alone!I know friends think I'm weak (they call me sweet-yuk!). I sit & listen to (endure) the "discussions" they and my husband have (he's very argumentative) & don't say a word.Whatever the topic is,all I see is ego vs ego.Sooo boring!!!Who cares who is right.All I know is I am……..by not buying into it. Maybe I should take a good book next time,just in case.
Hi Gail
“I always try to stay away from heated arguments but get drawn back into them”
Drawn back into them?
You mean you choose to argue. The only person who can get you actively involved in an arguement is you. I know it ain’t always easy to avoid but do your best!
You’re in Liz U
Have you been drinking one too many Red Bulls this morning Vicki?
Okay… you’re in.
It’s sounds like you’re the smart one in the group Ollie. Yep, take a book.
28 days…?
I’ll be hard pressed getting through the next 28 HOURS, but I’ll try. I really will…
I really just wanna be heard, I dont wanna argue about it.
How do you do THAT?
Cheers big ears.
Happy Tuesday
xx
Hello Craig,
So I'm not weak then!!!
My sister & I have our differences quite a bit actually, however I have learnt over the years to walk away, or just don't respond, it's so hard because you just want to fight back but it doesn't or hasn't got me anywhere.
Great post!!!!!
Hugs
Charlotte xxoxox
What a great way to 'spread the peace' challenging us not to argue – I love it & I'm in, too !
I think another good thing to remember also is, if we find ourselves stumbling with this one (nah, that won't happen….??!!) is to remember that the words "I'm sorry' are always at our disposal to use.
I agree however that prevention is better than cure and I will certainly be doing my best not to argue. I don't like them (arguments) anyhow and usually do choose the peaceful option – however having said that, part of that 'choosing the peaceful' option for me is also about
a)become a more effective and intuitive communicator and
b)becoming more aware and in tune with 'where other people are at' before embarking on any potentially challenging subjects.
Perhaps part 2 of our non-arguing journey will enhance this process…..part 1 is definetely a great start.
By the way, I think the ole' Eckart (did I just call him that!!)would have been quite pleased with your response to your Good Friday life lesson! I'm so glad myself that I now know the value of 'being the observer' of my thoughts and will be practising the same often…
Hope you have a peaceful, aware Tuesday….
cheers,
Mon ( )
I’m not really an arguer. I rarely get REALLY angry. (I find humor is a LOT more effective for resolving conflict, anyway!) It’s not worth the stress, anxiety, or ENERGY it would require for me to engage in an argument. Not only that, but I am also rather open-minded, and can usually see where the other person is coming from.
I grew up in a home where nobody ever argued, but married into a family where EVERYBODY argued, about everything, every chance they got! Imagine my distress as they attempted to drag me into their countless squabbles! Although my husband is gone now, I am still friendly with his family. But I think they finally realized that I’m not going to take part in their feuds. I get along with everybody, and keep my opinions to myself! It makes for great peace of mind!
Sandra
“I really just wanna be heard, I don’t wanna argue about it.”
Good luck Friday – you’re gonna need it!
Thanks Charlotte… and thanks for all the spesh love
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Mon…
I’m with you Sandra – Humor is much more enjoyable…
Hi Craig. How apt was your blog today, I wish I had read it a day earlier and your words would have echoed in my mind! Yesterday I was walking my dogs along the beach when this guy approached me and accused me of being an irresponsible dog owner. Had I done something wrong? I wanted to know why he thought this of me and perhaps I could rectify the problem and restore his faith in dog owners! Alas he was one of those certifiable people whose anger is so intrenched in them that all he wanted was an argument not a conversation. Regrettably I allowed him to “get to me” and I am ashamed to say that I got caught up in his game and ended up uttering an expletive or two (maybe three, oops). The problem is I felt so bad all day and night that I had stooped to his level and swore in public. His friends apologised to me for his behaviour, even though they did not partake. I was a little apprehensive about venturing down to the beach today in case he was there again. Luckily I read my emails first and your wisdom for the day inspired me to hold my head high and confidently walk straight past him with a smile on my face! So yes, I am in too!
Glad you’re in too KP.
Cheers
Hi Craig,
I meant to add to my post earlier that I am willing to give the 28 day challenge a go. I am sure my kids will be happier if I don’t arc up all the time with them (but they are so trying lol)
Chelle xxx
Dear Mr It’s-all-about-now (aka CH)
You’ve given me no option other than to get shoes on and head to the gym. I *need* to finish what I start here. Giving in to arguing with self today, on DAY 1, would be like registering a DNS (did not start) wouldn’t it? Can’t have that. Mr Ironman Triathlete Jason Shortis didn’t finish 45′ish ironman races arguing with himself re: shall I get on the bike today and do 100km or not.
STOP MAKING EXCUSES NOT TO DO IT, START FINDING REASONS TO DO IT. You’re tired, you’re overwhelmed, you’re stressed – we know all that. Do what you need to do regardless of all that crap.
(Haven’t you turned off that Harper cam in my head/life yet? You would have found, today, that yep, I am very stupid… for arguing with self).
Jules
(Bayside Melbournite)
LOL
( )
Hey Craig ! After a very busy day I’ve just read your post on arguing and had to chuckle to myself. My ex-hubby has been here today working on a project for us (yay… after all those years, I finally managed to get him to do something, even if we DO have to pay him !) A conversation I had with him during the day prompted me to remind him of one of his late father’s principles. His mother (lovely as she was) often attempted to prod her hubby into an argument, and would become quite annoyed when he didn’t respond. She- “why don’t you answer me?” He- “because then you would answer me back, and then I would answer you back and then before we knew it we would be arguing”. She hated that !!!
But what should I do with a hubby who argues that he doesn’t argue ??!! And accuses me of arguing when he’s actually arguing with himself ??!! e.g. Going out for a coffee and a bite to eat. He- “where do you want to go ?” Me- “anywhere… you choose” (can’t get into an argument that way… or…. )He- “OK, how about XXXX?” Me-”yep, great”. As he heads in a different direction… Me- “ummm… aren’t we going to XXXX?” He-”well, you didn’t really want to go there”. Me-*sigh*
OK… 28 days… I CAN do this !!!
{{HUG}} Tina
You’re in Chelle… ( )
Geeeze it’s busy in your head Jules
Yes you can Tina… ( )
Finally, another person that prefers to take a few deep breaths before weighing in at volume. Noise is not necessarily going to help resolve any point of dissention, and people try to “better” each other (in volume) quite often to have their view “heard”, the outcome being nobody hears anybody. I’d much rather avoid volume and just have discussion. We need more common sense in this world.
Andie (in Melbourne)
So funny and so true, this should be sent to Sam Newman. I think he'd love it. Oh & yesterdays post was a beauty. Keep up the brilliant work Dude!
Made it through the first 24 hours no problems, but then I think I’ve only spoken to about 3 people in that time (obviously need to leave the house more!)
BOOOOOM! FAILED!!!!!!!
lasted about 6 hours lol.
Will try again today.
and no, I don’t drink Red Bull – I have to stay away from that stuff (and coffee) or I’d *never* shut up!
Okay – let’s try and get through today with NO arguments. I suppose that means I have to stop stirring them up too!?! Very interesting. I LOVE A CHALLENGE! here goes…
vicki g xox
Good work Liz U…
C’mon Vicki – you can do it!
Going Really good!!!
We've been having arguments, but they're much much shorter now.
I've learned to not place importance on the argument. That also means re-evaluating the meaning behind the conversation (ie. argument) – the worthiness of the "chatter" behind the conversation, who's right, who wins etc. is this wasting time or can we find an answer QUICK!
My hubby and I BOTH have very strong opinions – AND – they are mostly DIFFERENT!! So we need to find a balance somewhere.
It got me thinking – I don't think there'd be ANYONE on this planet with the same opinion as me on EVERYTHING!! Therefore, I'm starting to "expect" or understand that the other person will have a different opinion to mine. Then – it's a matter of coping and allowing them to have a different opinion!
With hubby & I, it doesn't mean the arguments have stopped in their tracks, it just means i now have the 'monitoring' button on and know that he has an opinion – and it just happens to be different.
I'm now also realising our arguments have been over misunderstandings.. so we just acknowledge it was a stuff up then take action to follow thru, making sure we complete whatever it was we had to do!
What I've learned this week is…… it certainly takes 2 to argue.
thx champ, vicstar xoxox
Hey,
I agree with your comments on arguments; mostly I can practice what you say, but about 10 % of the time I chose to yell back when I am yelled at. It gives me a feeling of equality. It may sound stupid, but if I take all the harrassment, I may be misunderstood…?