Righteous Anger

As a rule, I’m not a big fan of anger.

Generally speaking, I don’t consider it to be a particularly valuable emotion (most of the time).

More often than not it’s associated with violence, insecurity, embarrassment, fear, resentment, selfishness and jealousy, than it is with anything particularly positive.

All the bad stuff.

Road-rage, ugly parent syndrome (crazy parents watching their kids ‘play’ sport), domestic violence, street gangs, inter-racial hatred, murder, war, terrorism… destructive anger pervades every part of our society and culture… and destroys happiness, hope, harmony, relationships, business partnerships, families, lives and a bunch more.

Excessive, consistent anger makes people sick.
Physically sick.
Take a good look at someone who is always angry, they will usually look physically unwell.
Unfortunately, they don’t seem to learn.
Angry people are ugly.
Angry people are socially repugnant.

However . . . .

(You knew that was coming right?)

Anger can be both, destructive and productive.

Sometimes (a little) anger is not only understandable but it’s appropriate, justified and valuable.
Sometimes a little well-placed anger is what’s needed to most effectively deal with a particular situation (or person).

Sometimes a little righteous anger (controlled, appropriate anger… not some out of control, senseless, emotional, violent outburst or reaction) is just what the doctor ordered.

One of the problems with (some) Personal Development types like me is that on some level we teach that we should always be in complete control of our emotions; the model of discipline and self-control (possible if you’re an android but reasonably tough if you have a heart beat).
And at the same time, some of us embrace an erroneous philosophy that getting angry (ever) is some kind of sign of dysfunction or some kind of major transgression for anyone working at being their best.

It’s possibly a sign of being normal! (I’m not talking about excessive, constant anger here).

The trouble with people who never get angry about anything is that they are also often the ones who never get particularly passionate, focused, committed or pro-active… about anything.
The ones who never seem to get much done and who always seem to be compromising themselves and their dreams.

The other day I was talking to a girl who hates pretty much most of her life situation (that’s the very brief story).
Hates her job (unfulfilling, boring, repetitious).
Hates how people treat her at work (doesn’t want to make enemies and wants to ‘stay below the radar’, so says nothing).
Hates how her father tries to control her (she’s in her 30′s).
Hates how she looks; feels sorry for herself (a very valuable mindset).
Hates the frustration of being able to identify, but seemingly not being able to do anything about, her situation.
She is very woe-is-me… wishy-washy… apathetic.
She has almost thrown in the towel (emotionally).
At the same time, she is gorgeous (inside and out), talented, smart and creative but she is also paralysed by fear (fear of fifty different things which I can’t explore now).

“Come on girl!… stand up for yourself… get a little pissed once in a while.
Please!
It’s okay.
Healthy even.
I felt like shaking her (in a loving way!).
Stop being a victim of everything and everyone.
Have an opinion, have a voice, think for yourself, make some decisions.
Disagree with someone (it’s okay).
Get angry.
Stop keeping everybody happy except yourself (this is not to be confused with selfishness).

Stop letting life happen to you.

Sometimes anger (the right kind) creates momentum, which in turn, creates positive change, which in turn creates… happiness!

Freaky.

Stand up for yourself!

So don’t wait for the nervous breakdown and don’t internalize all those feelings; channel them, express them and turn them into something positive.
Just ’cause you’ve never done it before doesn’t mean you can’t do it… it just means you’ve never done it (yet).

I rarely get angry.

Maybe about once a month.
Usually for about ten minutes at a time..
It’s (mostly) controlled, appropriate anger and it usually creates a positive outcome.
It’s usually what was needed.

And yes, every now and then I lose it (not in a good way).
Hard to believe, I know.
(not)
I try and make those ‘moments’ an annual event (only) and I never do it in front of anyone or ‘at’ anyone.

Don’t mis-interpret what I’m saying in this post, I’m not a ‘fan’ of anger at all, in fact I abhor most anger and its’ consequences.. but I do believe that some of us, some times (not daily) need to step out of our indifference, apathy and desire to keep everyone (except ourselves) happy and take a stand… and at times, that’s gonna mean a little righteous anger. That might mean saying NO to someone who won’t listen to you, it might mean getting physical with someone who is trying to hurt you or someone you love (hopefully not), it might mean standing up to people who try and use, manipulate, coerce or control you (plenty of those around) or it might mean getting a little angry with yourself about ‘not doing’ all the stuff you know you should be (this doesn’t mean self-loathing or self pity, this means actually getting off your ass and creating positive change!).

Too many times I have seen people’s live ruined because they have been too fearful to stand up to a dominant figure or a difficult situation in their life. They live an existence of sadness, frustration and compromise because they want to ‘keep the peace’ and not ‘rock the boat.’

ROCK THE BOAT! ! !

Don’t put yourself in harms way or be stupid or irresponsible… but don’t be a doormat and don’t spend your life not saying what you think, feel or believe.

We don’t want to be angry people but every now and then a little righteous anger is just what we need.

It’s just what you need.

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