Comments on: Overcoming Shyness http://www.craigharper.com.au/communication/overcoming-shyness/ Personal Development Life Lessons Wed, 08 Feb 2012 11:35:19 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: Helen http://www.craigharper.com.au/communication/overcoming-shyness/#comment-20761 Helen Thu, 08 Apr 2010 18:12:38 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/?p=4623#comment-20761 Thanks CJ. As with a lot of people, shyness is a pain in butt in Helensville. For as far back as I can remember I've been afraid of my own shadow. Opting out of school and youth club trips at the last minute, hiding behind my mum at practically every family gathering until my late teens, getting almost the lowest mark possible for my english oral exam, hiding in the corner desperately wanting to join in with stuff and to be able to talk with others etc. Even now I struggle. I was a salsa class last night - not able to join in as I'm working on evicting plantar fasciitis but going anyway because it is a social thing as well. It was one of those times when my friends couldn't make it. Apart from the barmaid (who is mega bubbly and talks to everyone) and the class instructor it was really challenging for me to find anything to say to anyone. This millstone needs to take a hike. Helen has plans and the don't include not knowing what or how to speak with clients when she is working for herself. Helen Farnborough, Uk Thanks CJ.

As with a lot of people, shyness is a pain in butt in Helensville. For as far back as I can remember I’ve been afraid of my own shadow. Opting out of school and youth club trips at the last minute, hiding behind my mum at practically every family gathering until my late teens, getting almost the lowest mark possible for my english oral exam, hiding in the corner desperately wanting to join in with stuff and to be able to talk with others etc. Even now I struggle.

I was a salsa class last night – not able to join in as I’m working on evicting plantar fasciitis but going anyway because it is a social thing as well. It was one of those times when my friends couldn’t make it. Apart from the barmaid (who is mega bubbly and talks to everyone) and the class instructor it was really challenging for me to find anything to say to anyone.

This millstone needs to take a hike. Helen has plans and the don’t include not knowing what or how to speak with clients when she is working for herself.

Helen
Farnborough, Uk

]]> By: uberVU - social comments http://www.craigharper.com.au/communication/overcoming-shyness/#comment-20398 uberVU - social comments Fri, 26 Mar 2010 12:13:52 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/?p=4623#comment-20398 <strong>Social comments and analytics for this post...</strong> This post was mentioned on Twitter by craigharper: Latest Post Overcoming Shyness: Hi Guys, CJ here. The Captain of the ship (the SS Harper) is having the day off to... http://bit.ly/cpT14n... Social comments and analytics for this post…

This post was mentioned on Twitter by craigharper: Latest Post Overcoming Shyness: Hi Guys, CJ here. The Captain of the ship (the SS Harper) is having the day off to… http://bit.ly/cpT14n...

]]> By: Tina http://www.craigharper.com.au/communication/overcoming-shyness/#comment-20371 Tina Thu, 25 Mar 2010 04:28:30 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/?p=4623#comment-20371 Hi CJ, I know I'm very late but I still wanted to comment on this one because I have been horrendously shy for as long as I can remember... and that's a very long time ! I believe that my shyness may originally have been related to my extreme short sightedness that was discovered when I started school at age 4. I cowered away from everyone and everything because I couldn't see who or what I was looking at ! Out of many, many embarrassing situations (including my first hubby's mother thinking I was a horribly rude person for several years because I was too shy to speak to her) one that has always haunted me was having friends over one evening for a card night. We'd sat down at the table when the fellas decided they needed to go and buy beer, and left M and myself sitting there opposite each other, neither saying a word until they returned ! Another really bad experience (they got worse as I got older) was going into a shop to buy something (a real shop where you get served at the counter) and being so terrified that I completely forgot what I went in there for and had to walk out empty handed. It wasn't until I was almost 40 that I read an article in the local paper about a self help group called GROW, and hallelujah... there were people there who were just like me (according to the article). It took me four weeks to get up the courage to dial the phone number, and even then I could barely speak. The lady who ran the group was lovely, very friendly and welcoming, but I still took a few more weeks to go along to a meeting. I parked my car across the road in the supermarket car park and sat there for a while, telling myself all sorts of reasons why I didn't really need to go, but finally I crossed the road, walked up the front path, up the steps........ aaaaaallllmost through the door..... and turned to run away. Except they saw me.... I was trapped !!! People were saying "come in, sit down"... and I was going into panic mode ! Anyway, I did sit down... probably since I froze... but didn't say anything other than my name, when I was asked. I wasn't sure I would go back again but I did. It still took me several weeks before I spoke though. By then, I had listened to everyone else (there were about 8 "regulars") and realised that I was NOT the only person on the planet who had this "awful affliction". I attended weekly meetings for a couple of years, until one day I decided I could go it alone. So for the very last time, I walked into the room with more confidence than I'd ever had in my life, told everyone that I was more grateful than they could ever know, wished them all well and said goodbye. The group coordinator thanked me for coming that one last time to say goodbye... most people just didn't bother coming back ! I won't say that I'm not shy any more... I am... but now I can manage it. I learned one very important lesson from GROW... I am as good / important / worthwhile as anyone else on this blue ball !!! {{HUG}} Tina Hi CJ,
I know I’m very late but I still wanted to comment on this one because I have been horrendously shy for as long as I can remember… and that’s a very long time ! I believe that my shyness may originally have been related to my extreme short sightedness that was discovered when I started school at age 4. I cowered away from everyone and everything because I couldn’t see who or what I was looking at !
Out of many, many embarrassing situations (including my first hubby’s mother thinking I was a horribly rude person for several years because I was too shy to speak to her) one that has always haunted me was having friends over one evening for a card night. We’d sat down at the table when the fellas decided they needed to go and buy beer, and left M and myself sitting there opposite each other, neither saying a word until they returned !
Another really bad experience (they got worse as I got older) was going into a shop to buy something (a real shop where you get served at the counter) and being so terrified that I completely forgot what I went in there for and had to walk out empty handed.
It wasn’t until I was almost 40 that I read an article in the local paper about a self help group called GROW, and hallelujah… there were people there who were just like me (according to the article). It took me four weeks to get up the courage to dial the phone number, and even then I could barely speak. The lady who ran the group was lovely, very friendly and welcoming, but I still took a few more weeks to go along to a meeting.
I parked my car across the road in the supermarket car park and sat there for a while, telling myself all sorts of reasons why I didn’t really need to go, but finally I crossed the road, walked up the front path, up the steps…….. aaaaaallllmost through the door….. and turned to run away. Except they saw me…. I was trapped !!! People were saying “come in, sit down”… and I was going into panic mode !
Anyway, I did sit down… probably since I froze… but didn’t say anything other than my name, when I was asked. I wasn’t sure I would go back again but I did. It still took me several weeks before I spoke though. By then, I had listened to everyone else (there were about 8 “regulars”) and realised that I was NOT the only person on the planet who had this “awful affliction”.
I attended weekly meetings for a couple of years, until one day I decided I could go it alone. So for the very last time, I walked into the room with more confidence than I’d ever had in my life, told everyone that I was more grateful than they could ever know, wished them all well and said goodbye. The group coordinator thanked me for coming that one last time to say goodbye… most people just didn’t bother coming back !
I won’t say that I’m not shy any more… I am… but now I can manage it. I learned one very important lesson from GROW… I am as good / important / worthwhile as anyone else on this blue ball !!!
{{HUG}}
Tina

]]> By: Lisa Q http://www.craigharper.com.au/communication/overcoming-shyness/#comment-20356 Lisa Q Wed, 24 Mar 2010 22:59:58 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/?p=4623#comment-20356 My shyness is a pain in the butt! I have tried and continue to try the fake it until you make it strategy because I know it works, I put myself in situations where I am forced to introduce myself and be social when I don't want to be, when my heart is racing and my stomach is on knots. But I have not changed, it hasn't become any easier, sometimes I would just be happier if I could stay at home, not answer the phone, not have to do the shopping etc. I even have debates with myself about which is the 'real' me, the shy person or the one who must look pretty 'normal' to the outside world. One a different note, on parent teacher nights, way back in the dark ages, my parents were always told that I needed to speak up more in class, always, every time... A few years ago my mum told me that she didn't ever take much notice because I was obviously doing just fine the way I was. I now have 2 quiet boys, quiet and well behaved, not shy like me, and parent teacher nights are the same. From the other night "In our next math lesson I would like L to ask me one question, it can be about anything he likes, and then I want four more questions by the end of term". Oh for goodness sake! L is in top set maths, has loads of friends, loves school, is quietly confident in himself... and the teacher's main concern is that he ask some meaningless questions. Yes, I can see why he is doing it, sort of, but ARRGGHHHHHH!!! My shyness is a pain in the butt! I have tried and continue to try the fake it until you make it strategy because I know it works, I put myself in situations where I am forced to introduce myself and be social when I don’t want to be, when my heart is racing and my stomach is on knots. But I have not changed, it hasn’t become any easier, sometimes I would just be happier if I could stay at home, not answer the phone, not have to do the shopping etc. I even have debates with myself about which is the ‘real’ me, the shy person or the one who must look pretty ‘normal’ to the outside world.

One a different note, on parent teacher nights, way back in the dark ages, my parents were always told that I needed to speak up more in class, always, every time… A few years ago my mum told me that she didn’t ever take much notice because I was obviously doing just fine the way I was. I now have 2 quiet boys, quiet and well behaved, not shy like me, and parent teacher nights are the same. From the other night “In our next math lesson I would like L to ask me one question, it can be about anything he likes, and then I want four more questions by the end of term”. Oh for goodness sake! L is in top set maths, has loads of friends, loves school, is quietly confident in himself… and the teacher’s main concern is that he ask some meaningless questions. Yes, I can see why he is doing it, sort of, but ARRGGHHHHHH!!!

]]> By: CJ http://www.craigharper.com.au/communication/overcoming-shyness/#comment-20331 CJ Wed, 24 Mar 2010 10:43:17 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/?p=4623#comment-20331 Hi everyone, Thank you so much for your stories and feedback today. I can’t believe how many of us shybies there are. It’s like peering into the back row of an auditorium and discovering a whole row of faces who have been silently listening and learning all along. You are definitely in the right place visiting him-dot-com. As the Big Guy said, “You are welcome and appreciated here.” Well done for having the courage to comment; today each of you made a decision to no longer be a spectator. If you choose to, this could be your first step in knocking down that shyness barrier that stands between you and lots of the good stuff in life. Because it’s not much fun being shy, is it? Thanks also for the advice and understanding from our extroverts and ex-shybies. Much appreciated. If you don’t mind, we might revisit this topic again soon. As I have said, I’m no expert, but perhaps together we will be able to come up with some more strategies for chipping away at that shyness barrier. Lots of hugs to you all, CJ xox Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your stories and feedback today. I can’t believe how many of us shybies there are. It’s like peering into the back row of an auditorium and discovering a whole row of faces who have been silently listening and learning all along. You are definitely in the right place visiting him-dot-com. As the Big Guy said, “You are welcome and appreciated here.”

Well done for having the courage to comment; today each of you made a decision to no longer be a spectator. If you choose to, this could be your first step in knocking down that shyness barrier that stands between you and lots of the good stuff in life. Because it’s not much fun being shy, is it?

Thanks also for the advice and understanding from our extroverts and ex-shybies. Much appreciated.

If you don’t mind, we might revisit this topic again soon. As I have said, I’m no expert, but perhaps together we will be able to come up with some more strategies for chipping away at that shyness barrier.

Lots of hugs to you all,

CJ xox

]]> By: Sheela http://www.craigharper.com.au/communication/overcoming-shyness/#comment-20329 Sheela Wed, 24 Mar 2010 10:40:19 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/?p=4623#comment-20329 Hi Craig, You are doing fantastic job.Congrats!!! One thing today I learnt is--people who look 'leave me alone'kind of might be Shy as well !!! Well avoiding to give a speech/public speaking is more out of FEAR than Shyness[I Feel]. Sweating, trembling,suddenly head becomes heavy and ear becomes hot--what symtoms are these? Pl Shed some light!!! Thanx and All The Best, Sheela. Hi Craig,
You are doing fantastic job.Congrats!!!
One thing today I learnt is–people who look ‘leave me alone’kind of might be Shy as well !!!
Well avoiding to give a speech/public speaking is more out of FEAR than Shyness[I Feel]. Sweating, trembling,suddenly head becomes heavy and ear becomes hot–what symtoms are these?
Pl Shed some light!!!

Thanx and All The Best,
Sheela.

]]> By: Megan http://www.craigharper.com.au/communication/overcoming-shyness/#comment-20323 Megan Wed, 24 Mar 2010 06:47:01 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/?p=4623#comment-20323 I am a shy person, currently making my break from my shy self. For me so far it has been about changing my thoughts when i am in social scenes, believeing that others would like to talk to me, I would like to listen and learn from them and staying in the moment. breathing a lot helps me do that, and then my head doesn't have the space to come in and tell me, you know that person doesn't like you OR you are making a fool of your self OR the 100 other comments it has to work with... letting go of my thoughts, breathing and staying focused on the present, wonderful :) I am a shy person, currently making my break from my shy self. For me so far it has been about changing my thoughts when i am in social scenes, believeing that others would like to talk to me, I would like to listen and learn from them and staying in the moment. breathing a lot helps me do that, and then my head doesn’t have the space to come in and tell me, you know that person doesn’t like you OR you are making a fool of your self OR the 100 other comments it has to work with… letting go of my thoughts, breathing and staying focused on the present, wonderful :)

]]> By: Craig http://www.craigharper.com.au/communication/overcoming-shyness/#comment-20322 Craig Wed, 24 Mar 2010 04:16:20 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/?p=4623#comment-20322 Hi CJ - great post and very interesting topic. Well done to all you brave people and first-time commentors who have struggled with shyness. You are welcome and appreciated here. No hooks, no catches and no agendas. Don't be a stranger. :) Hi CJ – great post and very interesting topic.

Well done to all you brave people and first-time commentors who have struggled with shyness. You are welcome and appreciated here. No hooks, no catches and no agendas.

Don’t be a stranger. :)

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.craigharper.com.au/communication/overcoming-shyness/#comment-20321 Anonymous Wed, 24 Mar 2010 03:58:07 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/?p=4623#comment-20321 CJ- I'd be interested on reading a post on bedwetting. Do you think that bedwetting and shyness are connected as i suffered from both growing up. Could never wake up from those damn 'searching for a toilet but people keep getting in my way' dreams. I've missed many good opportunities in life due to paralysing shyness. Being a roly poly kinda gal didn't help either. Yes i do believe that you do grow out of some of that shyness which didn't happen to me until i finished school. It's hard to overcome shyness when your a bullied fat kid. You wouldn't dare try to draw any more attention to yourself by standing up for yourself cause you'll end up bashed and that would just be humiliating. Too shy to fight back. Shy people can't handle any kind of embarrassment or humiliation cause that's our biggest fear. Like being caught with toilet paper hanging out of your pants at work which recently happen to me. Fortunately this shy girl is learning to develop a sense of humour. For a few seconds i was mortified to the point were i thought i would pass out cause my head started spinning when it was pointed out to me but then i decided to pretend i was acting. I was playing some ditzy girl with great shoes in some dumb hollywood comedy (Jennifer Aniston's last 20 movies). So i went into the stationery room, pulled the offending strip out, threw it in the waste bin (picked up a highlighter & post it notes while i was there) and got on with my work and tried not to think about it. And everytime i did think about it i'd talk it out with myself 'so i had toilet paper sticking out of my pants, big deal like it's never happened before. If this is the worst thing that happens you'll live'. I tried to force myself to laugh about it then i'd cry a little, then laugh a little...eventually i got over it and really who cares now. The only person who noticed was the person who told me and she probably got a good laugh out of it which is a good thing right, to make someone laugh. Some of us will always be shy no matter how hard we work at getting over it. So i'm trying to figure out a way to use my shyness to benefit me. So i decided once i lose some of the weight i'm gonna use my shyness to get men. I'm gonna become like those women from a Jane Austen novel. I'm gonna be the shy girl with fluttering eyelashes, downturned eyes with blushing boosies and cheeks that will make the small men feel big and the big men feel even bigger. Hell i don't know i figure it's worth a shot. And if you think no man will go for that.. yeah right. Shy blushing cheeked girl waiting to break out...It's the shy one's that are dangerous, kinky ones. Sometimes i think i'm too shy to die. You'd think that moment of dying shyness will go out the window when it comes time to tell people how you feel before you go. Or will it? I think i'd probably feel too embarrassed to even die. My mother left her home country to get married cause she was too shy and embarrassed to have her mother see her get married. Gee i wonder where i get it from. Anon CJ- I’d be interested on reading a post on bedwetting. Do you think that bedwetting and shyness are connected as i suffered from both growing up. Could never wake up from those damn ‘searching for a toilet but people keep getting in my way’ dreams.

I’ve missed many good opportunities in life due to paralysing shyness. Being a roly poly kinda gal didn’t help either. Yes i do believe that you do grow out of some of that shyness which didn’t happen to me until i finished school. It’s hard to overcome shyness when your a bullied fat kid. You wouldn’t dare try to draw any more attention to yourself by standing up for yourself cause you’ll end up bashed and that would just be humiliating. Too shy to fight back. Shy people can’t handle any kind of embarrassment or humiliation cause that’s our biggest fear. Like being caught with toilet paper hanging out of your pants at work which recently happen to me. Fortunately this shy girl is learning to develop a sense of humour. For a few seconds i was mortified to the point were i thought i would pass out cause my head started spinning when it was pointed out to me but then i decided to pretend i was acting. I was playing some ditzy girl with great shoes in some dumb hollywood comedy (Jennifer Aniston’s last 20 movies). So i went into the stationery room, pulled the offending strip out, threw it in the waste bin (picked up a highlighter & post it notes while i was there) and got on with my work and tried not to think about it. And everytime i did think about it i’d talk it out with myself ‘so i had toilet paper sticking out of my pants, big deal like it’s never happened before. If this is the worst thing that happens you’ll live’. I tried to force myself to laugh about it then i’d cry a little, then laugh a little…eventually i got over it and really who cares now. The only person who noticed was the person who told me and she probably got a good laugh out of it which is a good thing right, to make someone laugh.

Some of us will always be shy no matter how hard we work at getting over it. So i’m trying to figure out a way to use my shyness to benefit me. So i decided once i lose some of the weight i’m gonna use my shyness to get men. I’m gonna become like those women from a Jane Austen novel. I’m gonna be the shy girl with fluttering eyelashes, downturned eyes with blushing boosies and cheeks that will make the small men feel big and the big men feel even bigger. Hell i don’t know i figure it’s worth a shot. And if you think no man will go for that.. yeah right. Shy blushing cheeked girl waiting to break out…It’s the shy one’s that are dangerous, kinky ones.

Sometimes i think i’m too shy to die. You’d think that moment of dying shyness will go out the window when it comes time to tell people how you feel before you go. Or will it? I think i’d probably feel too embarrassed to even die. My mother left her home country to get married cause she was too shy and embarrassed to have her mother see her get married. Gee i wonder where i get it from.

Anon

]]> By: Chloe http://www.craigharper.com.au/communication/overcoming-shyness/#comment-20320 Chloe Wed, 24 Mar 2010 03:30:49 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/?p=4623#comment-20320 I can totally relate to this topic! Sometimes I'm so shy I hate myself. Oh sorry I should introduce myself, my name is Chloe and I've been a regular reader of your (and Craig's) articles but have never left a comment because.. you guessed it... I'm too shy! What I try to do is by affirmation (or whatever you call it). After a gathering or party that I enjoyed I would tell myself, 'hey it wasn't so bad! If I didn't attend just because I was too shy to then I would've missed all the fun!' Not much to contribute here because I'm still in the process of overcoming my own shyness issue. Great article CJ thanks so much! I can totally relate to this topic! Sometimes I’m so shy I hate myself.

Oh sorry I should introduce myself, my name is Chloe and I’ve been a regular reader of your (and Craig’s) articles but have never left a comment because.. you guessed it… I’m too shy!

What I try to do is by affirmation (or whatever you call it). After a gathering or party that I enjoyed I would tell myself, ‘hey it wasn’t so bad! If I didn’t attend just because I was too shy to then I would’ve missed all the fun!’

Not much to contribute here because I’m still in the process of overcoming my own shyness issue.

Great article CJ thanks so much!

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