Feedback (part 2) – Giving

In yesterday’s post we began looking at how we can use feedback to improve the quality of our results in both our personal and our professional lives. And while it’s not always something that we enjoy giving or receiving, used the right way, the feedback process can be the difference between success and failure, harmony and misery, connection and conflict, understanding and confusion. It should play some kind of role (big or small) in most of our relationships.

Whether it’s your boss, your business partner, your employees, your work colleagues, your parents, your kids, your spouse, your siblings, your team mates or your next door neighbour who lets his doberman crap on your front lawn, they can all benefit from some quality feedback from your good self. You just need to know how (and when) to deliver those little gems of wisdom and insight!

Here are my tips for making the process of giving feedback as productive and painless as possible:

1. Timing is important. Sometimes the message is right but the timing is all wrong. Clearly, there are better and worse times (and places) to provide someone with feedback. Giving someone advice about their less-than-acceptable work performance in front of their colleagues typically won’t produce the desired effect. In fact, probably the opposite.

2. Be clear, specific, logical and measured. Don’t talk in generalities and don’t be vague. Don’t confuse people and don’t give them a chance to misinterpret what you’re saying. Be succinct and don’t waffle. “What I mean specifically is….”

3. Never give feedback while you are emotional. While it might seem like a good idea at the time, telling someone what you really think of them while you’re in the middle of a screaming match probably ain’t gonna create a good outcome. In that situation, what’s coming out of your mouth is not really feedback anyway! I’m amazed at the number of pointless, destructive conversations (arguments) some people seem to have. And invariably, it’s the same conversation with the same people!

4. Write it down. Yep, that might seem a little calculated and strategic; it should be. If you want to create positive change in a real, practical and measurable way then strategy is good. Too many people get in a position where they can share quality feedback and they go blank (mentally) or forget half of what they had intended to say. Invariably the process becomes an exercise in frustration and misunderstanding for both parties. Taking notes into the meeting (or situation) keeps the chances of that to a minimum and says to the other person, “I’m serious about this process.”

5. Find some positives. If all you offer is negativity the recipient will switch off. “Hey Charlie, I want to thank you for helping us out with that problem we had last week. You were a lifesaver. I was wondering if you could ensure that you’re here by eight thirty on Monday mornings – we really want to get the staff meeting started on time.”
Also, look for opportunities to praise people. Not in an insincere, ass-kissing kind of way but in a genuine attempt to show gratitude and appreciation when it’s warranted. If you’re a good partner, parent, leader, coach, boss, teacher then the majority of the feedback you give will be positive. Consciously find the good in others.

6. Don’t personalise it. Don’t talk about them (their personality, their character, their nature), talk about their behaviour, their performance, their results, their communication style, their impact on others.

7. Empathise. Acknowledge that you understand their perspective, their feelings and their situation. You don’t have to necessarily agree with them but you can create instant rapport and connection (progress) by simply acknowledging their feelings and concerns. One day a few years ago, I had a situation with an angry client in my business. She was all wound up about an issue and wanted to make a complaint about it to the boss (me). She explained her grievance and I enthusiastically agreed with her complaint! She nearly fell over. “Yeah, that is bad”, I said. “I’m so sorry about that, I’ll fix it right away.” By me simply acknowledging her feelings and letting her know that I understood her point of view, her attitude and her communication style changed instantly. Within sixty seconds she went from being angry to happy and within another sixty seconds she apologised to me for being “aggressive and rude.”

8. Speak confidently and with conviction. Don’t be apologetic about what you have to say. And no, this doesn’t mean be aggressive, intimidating or pushy.

9. Own the feedback. Don’t start a feedback session like this, “It kind of seems that perhaps, maybe, a few people might feel that you are, well, maybe, kinda, sorta, not really being completely honest and responsible about a few er… issues.” What the heck does that mean!!? Don’t give other people’s feedback, tell the person what you think! “I think you’re very talented but you could do much better work than what you’re producing right now.”

10. Solutions. Telling them where they’re going wrong is one thing, but giving them practical solutions, support, encouragement, suggestions and direction is another.

11. Drip feeding. In a business environment, constant, practical, constructive feedback is far more effective than the time-tabled, sterile, anxiety-inducing annual review. Many businesses are actually doing away with the annual review model.

12. What works? What works for most people is genuine communication, listening, connection and intelligent dialogue. In most situations, healthy feedback is not about assessment forms, checklists or ticked boxes.

13. Know your facts. Too many people offer an opinion before they really know the whole story. And rather than creating some kind of positive outcome, invariably they start world war three and simply throw petrol on an already raging fire. I’ve seen lots of relationships damaged or destroyed this way.

This turned out to be a little longer than I had anticipated, so we’ll take a look at sitting on the other side of the table (receiving feedback) next week.

Have a great weekend Groovers and let me know about your experiences (good and bad) doing the feedback thing. Just click on the comment thingy…

Ciao ( )