*Note: For the purpose of this post, when I use the term ‘feedback’ I am talking about constructive, specific, relevant, well-meaning feedback by a responsible, informed person – not scathing, pointless criticism by some ranting idiot.
The Trigger: “Hi there, could I chat with you for a moment? I’d just like to give you a little feedback on a few things.”
The Response: Increased heart rate, increased respiration (faster breathing), increased blood pressure, discernible anxiety, emotional and psychological shift, change in body language, production of cortisol (nasty hormone), switch to defense mode. Ability to listen objectively and benefit from ensuing conversation – zero.
In the corporate world most employees are required to participate in regular ‘performance’ reviews. This is a process whereby someone a little further up the corporate ladder will sit with a team member (as they are referred to in 2008) and provide them with constructive, specific and meaningful feedback on their work performance. That’s how it’s meant to happen anyway. I have friends who regularly sit on both sides of the feedback desk and I gotta say, from what I’ve heard the review process ain’t always a positive, productive, uplifting or enjoyable experience. It’s not completely uncommon for a ‘review’ to result in a screaming match or worse.
Personal Development Brussels Sprouts
Apparently some people don’t like having their faults or flaws pointed out. Who would have thought? Well, we may not like it, but perhaps we need it for our own personal and professional development. When it comes to diet (for example), I always say to my clients “ask yourself this question, do I want it or do I need it?” We can ask ourselves the same question when it comes to the issue of feedback and personal growth. We might not always want it but if we digest it the right way and often enough, it might just be good for us. Kind of like personal development brussels sprouts.
This type of valuable input is not always easy to come by. To be able to access honest, objective, constructive feedback specific to you (your overall performance, your habits, your strengths and weaknesses, your skill level, your communication style and your attitude) can prove to be invaluable in the creating-your-best-outcome process. If you can get your hands (and mind) on some quality input from somebody else, then I suggest you make the most of it. If you choose to use feedback constructively (rather than reacting to it defensively) you will fast-track your personal growth, greatly improve your level of performance and create much better results in all areas of your life.
Craig Watch
As a person who spends a lot of time in front of people because of my corporate work, personal development work, writing and media commitments, I am constantly being assessed, reviewed and advised. Formally (via feedback forms) and informally. Like it or not, that’s my reality. Consider my professional life; minimum of four radio gigs a week, television most weeks, being read by a large audience on this site most days, writing for four magazines, published author and regularly standing in front of live audiences. My ‘performances’ are under constant scrutiny. And while that type of analysis can be uncomfortable, it does give me a level of perspective, insight and objectivity that I can’t get on my own. After all, “I don’t see things as they are; I see things as I am.” It also provides me with the drive and motivation to continue working to develop my knowledge, my skills and the quality of my ‘product’.
Valuable Ingredient
In my opinion, constructive feedback is one of the most neglected, over-looked, under-valued and under-utilized ingredients of the personal growth process. Many people don’t understand the potential benefits. One of the challenges with the feedback process is that it’s often kinda painful and confronting and in a culture obsessed with comfort, ease and quick fixes, that can present a problem. In other words, we only want to hear the good stuff. The easy stuff. In many instances the people who would really benefit from some constructive input and guidance won’t have a bar of it because they are too insecure, too stubborn or too arrogant to listen to and genuinely consider, what is being said.
The Dreaded Feedback Sheet
Most times when I deliver a corporate presentation (which is about a hundred times per year), the audience is required to ‘assess’ my performance via feedback sheets at the end of my talk. This is not always a pleasant experience, especially when they start filling out the forms before I even leave the room (which they mostly do). I wish I could tell you that I’ve always had amazingly positive feedback but I can’t. Sometimes it’s been like a knife in the heart but overall it’s given me a much greater awareness of how I am perceived and made me a better teacher, writer, presenter and communicator. For years I have consciously, methodically and un-emotionally worked at developing those skills. Listening to, and acting upon feedback has been an integral part of that process.
“I Hate That Shirt.”
This morning I did one of my regular TV segments and I’ve already had twenty people (or so) give me feedback on my ‘performance’. Did I ask for it? Nup. Did I listen to what they had to say? Yep. The feedback was (as always) wide-ranging and varied. It included commentary on the clothes I wore, how much I smile on camera, how quickly I speak, the chemistry between the hosts (David and Kim) and I, the subject matter, how much I move my hands and a bunch more. For some reason people feel compelled to give me their Craig ‘report’. Mostly it’s positive, sometimes it’s not and that’s fine. Many times people have made me aware of something to which I was totally oblivious. My friends, colleagues and even my critics have taught me much.
One of the challenges with the personal growth journey is that too often we don’t appreciate feedback for what it is and what it can be in our life. We process it as a personal attack rather than an opportunity to grow, adapt and improve. And as we’ve done many times before, we let our emotions get in the way of our progress and our potential.
Tomorrow I’m going to explore how we can give and receive feedback in a constructive and productive manner. See you then…
Ciao Kids ( )
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
This is an interesting topic. I am retired now so my feedback usually comes from my spouse, not always gratefully received. I remember performance reviews from my working days and not always with fondness. I look forward to the next installment. Thanks
Maybe wisdom really does come with age. I used to hate “constructive” criticism and never saw anything constructive about it. I have since learned to listen and look at the criticism and see if any of it is valid for me. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is all about the person giving it. If it is about me, then I look at it, decide if it is something I can change and then decide is it something that I want to change. If it is not about me, I choose to leave it alone. Today, I can sincerely thank the person for telling me.
Feedback is always positive. Here’s why:
If the feedback is positive, well, umm… it’s positive.
If the feedback is negative, accepted well it creates positive. Negative feedback is positive.
Sometimes, I much prefer to get negative feedback. It’s much more helpful.
And other times when I’m feeling a little low, insecure and in need of some chocolate cake, I much prefer positive feedback. But that doesn’t happen often.
Being self employed, I’ve always loved getting feedback. Fantastic post, as always, Craig.
Can’t wait for part two.
Jamie
I’ve actually got my performance review today. I better make sure I wear a nice shirt!
One thing I learnt at a training workshop maybe 15 years ago was to take feedback with an open mind and a closed mouth. It burned me at the time because I couldn’t say “but” “but” “but”. I have practiced it and although not perfect (my record was in a performance review 8 years ago where I started crying 2 minutes into it and cried solidly for an hour because I thought I wasn’t good enough….) I’m getting better.
Miss Jojo
Hi Candy – yep, there are better and worse ways of giving and getting feedback. Some people’s ‘feedback’ is more like abuse – there ain’t nothin’ constructive about it.
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Hi Patricia – you’re sounding so ‘grown up’ today…
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HI Lauren – write in and tell us how it went – positive or negative, productive or not.
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Aaah Miss Jojo – at least you’re making progress!!
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Hi Craig
Good post. The key point for me with feedback is to NOT take it personally.
I just look at it as a way to improve what I am doing and maybe get some new ideas or direction too. It’s all good.
I remember when I was first asked to give performance feedback to some of my co-workers, I was horrible. I thought I was supposed to give 50/50 equal balance of good/need to improve feedback, but I found that I needed to adjust it based on the person.
One star at my company knew he was good and really only cared about the areas to improve, while another sensitive person had a breakdown when I talked about the areas to improve. Eventually I became much better at reading the person to figure out the best way to give feedback… it only took a handful of people’s crushed egos for me to learn!
I’ve heard a veteran in the entertainment industry telling aspiring young actors that being able to take criticisms is very crucial to their success. Sometimes the feedbacks you get from the casting directors at the audition can be like a dagger to your heart, but they are so busy so they are not out to get you and don’t have time to sugarcoat things either. So you’ve got to be able to just take it and improve your performance. (Of course, that is, if you actually care about them liking you.)
Feedbacks are sometimes hard to take indeed. I guess one thing we should learn is to not become defensive right away.
I’m the boss at work. I’ve learnt to ask for feedback from both my staff and my managers in other states. Scarey the first couple of times you do it but then because you ask for it, you’re better prepared to accept it because your mind is open and you show that you are prepared at listen (and take the risk that you might not like what you hear).
I ask for feedback all the time…and it’s helping me work on the areas that I’m not overly strong it..hopefully that’s making me better as a manager and an employee.
You’re never too old to start….I’m 52 (going on 29)