This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!! Enjoy.
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Fattitude
- Craig Harper
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Craig Harper is Australia's leading
motivational speaker
and educator (according to Google Australia). He is a highly
sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be
a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and
professional development.
Working with hundreds of
teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations
on numerous continents over the last twenty years
has given Craig a unique insight into, and
understanding of, human performance and all its
variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire,
challenge and make people laugh all at the same
time!
In yesterday's post we began to look at how we deal with, or react to, the various happenings in our world. I observed that we have reacting and we have thinkingand for some of us, the two don't merge very often. And therein lies the problem; something happens and we respond without thinking, planning, assessing or considering the consequences of our reaction. If we are serious about creating the new-and-improved version of us then we need to find a way to insert some reason, logic and consciousness into our reactions. Of course I am talking about reactions to significant events and challenges here, not our incidental, daily blips on the radar.
Positive and Negative Reactions.
For many people, their biggest day to day challenge lies in learning to react differently. For some their inability to control their reactions may one day ruin their life. They are often volatile, irrational, inconsiderate, unaware and self-centred. At one end of the scale a negative reaction might temporarily damage a relationship or create some kind of short term problem between friends or colleagues, while at the other end of the scale, an irrational, unthinking reaction (brain snap) might see a person spend the rest of their life in jail; a life ruined (and possibly another one ended) because of a reaction.
Creating Better Outcomes
In order to create better outcomes in our world and turn those negative reactions into positive ones, we must learn to put some space between the event (the thing we're about to react to) and our response. A little thinking music of sorts. They say that "time is the great healer", well it can also be the great "preventer of regrettable and stupid reactions" when we insert it between the stimulus (event, situation, circumstance, problem) and our subsequent behaviour.
We're all Different
As with any prescription (exercise, food, medication, psychotherapy), there's no blanket solution for this challenge but there are certain things we can do to minimise our chances of doing something we'll regret; reacting negatively. I can't provide you with a three-step process which will be universally effective for combating negative reactions because we're all wired differently and what pushes our buttons varies greatly. What will stress me, won't bother you and vice-versa. What will cause a 'reaction' in you will go un-noticed by me.
Here are my suggestions. Use what's relevant and meaningful for you.
1. Embrace calm. Obvious I know, but the more stressed, anxious and volatile we are in our general living (thinking, behaviours, conversations, habits, relationships), the more likely we are to react inappropriately in those moments. Calm, peaceful, balanced people rarely become axe murderers. And you won't see too many Buddhists jumping out of their car with a baseball bat either. Even if you did cut them off. Do Buddhists even play baseball? Sorry, I digress.
2. Put space between the event and the reaction. I remember one of my school teachers telling us kids to count to one hundred when we got angry. She was pretty smart; she was teaching us to put some space between the event and our reaction. Of course different things work for different people but you and I need to find a way to create a time buffer so that we don't do something regrettable. Once you've punched your neighbour in the mouth, you can't really undo that! Finding that time buffer might mean hanging up the phone and calling back in ten minutes, it could mean going for a walk, or it may mean completely shifting your attention to something else for a while and then coming back to that issue, situation or person later. These days my self-control is pretty good but when I was a young (insecure) alpha male, I would often walk away from a (potentially volatile) situation and address it later when I was in a better place (emotionally). It worked for me.
3. Ask different questions. I have spoken many times about how the quality of our questions affects our behaviours (reactions), the quality of our outcomes and in turn, our life reality. When we ask better (smarter, more thoughtful) questions, we typically create better outcomes.
4. Invest your emotional energy wisely. Earlier this year I wrote an articleon how and where we spend our emotional dollars. Let's just say that many of us don't invest wisely and as a result, don't get a great return on our investment. You might want to re-visit that article when you have a chance.
5. Wear a wrist band. Call it your calm band. Call it your positive reaction band. Call it whatever you want but wear it as a reminder of what and who you're becoming; someone who reacts differently. Someone who creates better outcomes. Someone who manages their emotions rather than someone who is managed. Someone who is more aware, more evolved, more balanced and more in control. It's about raising your consciousness and awareness. Of course the band is symbolic but used the right way, it can help you keep your head - thinking, attitudes, internal dialogue, reactions - where they need to be. I have worked with many people who firmly believe that wearing their wrist band helped them in a real, practical and measurable way. It was a constant physical reminder of their commitment to do, be and create better in their life. For some people, a band is a simple tool that will help them stay aware, conscious and productive. For others, it's simply another stupid idea. Funny that.
Okay, I'm off to find my baseball bat.
Clearly, I'm not the Buddhist I should be.
Ciao x
*If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here.
G'day Rock Stars. After the frivolity, immaturity and down right stupidity of Tuesday's post, it's probably timely and appropriate for me to remove my backwards baseball cap, pull up my pants, stand up straight, stop smirking, cease with the potty mouth and put on my personal development cardigan, my reading glasses and my sensible shoes for today's post. Where would we be without our sensible shoes? Hope you're enjoying your Thursday....
You've probably heard sayings like:
"It's not what happens that matters but how you react (to what happens) that matters"
"It's not about the situation or the circumstance, it's about youin it"
"Things only have the meaning we give them"
"People only treat you the way you let them"
You the Reactor
All of the above sayings refer to how we deal with, manage and react to what happens in our world. In extreme cases a momentary reaction can influence, if not shape, the next ten (twenty, fifty) years of our life. For good or bad. And on a completely different scale, many reactions will be unconscious, almost meaningless blips on the radar of our life. From the moment you and I get out of bed each day we are reacting (consciously or not) to our dynamic environment. Fortunately we don't live in a static world; how boring would that be? We react to a broad range of stimuli hundreds of times every day and while the majority of our reactions are incidental and largely inconsequential (catching the falling spoon from the edge of the table, changing stations when we don't like the music, answering a simple question), others will play a significant role in our future - although we may not be aware of it at the time.
Finding the Bad
Some of us have mastered the 'habit' of reacting negatively; of finding the bad, rather than finding the lesson or finding the good. For many people, the "what can I learn from this" question doesn't feature nearly as much as the "why do these morons make my life a misery" or "why does this always happen to me" questions.
A Hypothetical
Two people go through the same event (a minor traffic accident perhaps). One emerges from his vehicle wielding an iron bar, frothing at the mouth, screaming obscenities and threatening violence, while the other calmly searches for a pen and paper to exchange insurance details. The psycho gets arrested for attempted assault and battery with a weapon, while Mr Calm drives home with a small scratch on his car, kisses his wife and kids and carries on with his happy life. Rather than learning a lesson from the experience and vowing to change his ways, the angry psycho gets even angrier at the cops, the judge, the legal system, the government and the rest of the world for victimising him. Following his arrest and conviction, he continues to stumble from one (self-created and perpetuated) drama to the next. Never realising that in the middle of all these catastrophes, he is the common denominator. He is the reason. He is the creator of the mayhem. He is the problem. And the solution; should he choose to be. If only he would learn to manage the events of his life differently (react differently), his life experience (his reality) would change dramatically. But as long as he continues to do the same (react poorly), he will continue to produce the same type of negative, destructive outcomes.
Calm in the Middle of the Chaos
The sooner we realise that we can have a great day, every day, despite what does or doesn't happen on that day, the sooner we will move away from the chaos and into the calm. Keeping in mind that we exist in a physical world but do most of our living in our head. With practice you and I can be the calm in the middle of chaos. For the most part, the only environment you and I can control is our internal one, so how we react, how we interpret situations and the type of questions we ask ourselves will play a big role in that process. Even though we have the ability to control our internal environment (our reality), sadly, many of us hand over that power to situations, circumstances, events, 'luck' and my (least) favourite, other people. As long as our internal environment is merely a reflection of our external reality then our happiness will always be held to ransom by something beyond our control.
Daily Challenge
Every day of our lives you and I are presented with situations, circumstances, events, challenges and conversations which will elicit a reaction from us (one way or the other). For some this will produce an emotional, volatile, irrational, spontaneous or even disastrous response, while for other folk it will be a more measured, calm, considerate and strategic response to the happenings in their world. Emotion is what drives us, but logic and intelligence is what should be steering us.
So why do we do react stupidly when we know better?
Because in 'that moment' our response invariably has nothing to do with logic, understanding or intelligence and everything to do with emotion (insecurity, anger, fear, resentment, jealousy). We don't actually think, consider or plan, we just react. Rather than (us) managing our emotions, all of a sudden our emotions are running the show. Often with dire results. All that 'self-help stuff' goes flying out the window. Yep, seen it. Done it even. Sitting at our computer reading an article like this is the easy bit; it all makes sense. We're in complete control. We're calm, cerebral, logical, rational, philosophical and evolved. We 'get' it. Well, we get the theory of it anyway. But sitting at our computer is not really when we're put to the test, is it? It's when that person pisses us off (again)... and all the personal development lessons from Craig's website go straight out the window. Or hopefully not.
So how do we react differently?
I'll tell you next time.
As usual, love to hear from you... click on the comment thingy.
* If you're not sure how to leave a comment click here.
So on Thursday last week we ran a teeny weeny competition and I asked you to finish my article on Over-thinkers; to provide us with the tenth and final tip for dealing with the issue of over-thinking. Well, we received a bunch of fantastic responses and I certainly got some great ideas and inspiration from your fertile minds. I appreciate the effort you went to. While there were several entries which were very clever and insightful, we can have only one winner and this time around that person is Vicki Gottliebsen. Vicki's contribution was a clever use of mental imagery to deal with a person's chronic over-thinking. Love your work Vicki. You have a signed copy of my book coming your way and if you take a peek at the article in question, you'll see your contribution has been added. You're now a published author on me-dot-com! No cash but lots of glory! Just email us at the site and we'll organise delivery of your book. The feedback suggests that a weekly competition might be a fun and popular addition to the line-up, so we'll give that a run for a while and see what happens.
On with today's er.... lesson.
For the following article to have maximum impact, you might need to replace your voice (the one in your head) with that of wildlife guru, Sir David Attenborough (if you're not sure who he is, think seventy year-old British bloke). After yesterday's deep and meaningful article you may find today's effort something of a departure. A silly departure. Also, if you're feeling a little fragile or you have a propensity to be easily offended, you may want to re-surface here tomorrow. We won't talk about you while you're gone. Promise.
Since the dawn of time man has talked shit (and by man, I mean blokes). For millennia we alpha males of the species have delighted in seemingly meaningless and pointless dialogue. It's in our DNA and current research suggests that as men, we have no choice. Dogs chase cats, women shop and blokes talk shit. It's what we do. Anywhere, any time, we're good to go. For men, talking shit is completely cathartic; an emotional and psychological purge. It's also a good opportunity for us to step out of reality; something that makes us more than a little uncomfortable. In terms of pleasure, talking shit runs a close second to an orgasm (but lasts hours longer), just edges out a good nut scratch and beats a quality sneeze hands down. There are no real rules (as such) when it comes to talking shit but it is widely understood that (1) logic plays no role (2) truth is irrelevant (3) women must not be involved and (4) there must be laughter. A typical conversation between blokes might go something like:
SAM: "Did I tell you about the friend of mine who put one of his chickens on horse steroids?"
JO: "F*** off!"
SAM: "No, really"
JO: "What happened?"
SAM: "In nine months it grew as big as a frickin' pony"
JO: "Bullshit!"
SAM: "Nope, I've seen it; it weighs two hundred pounds"
JO: "Does it have feathers?"
SAM: "Shit yeah"
JO: "Can it fly?"
SAM: "Only for about ten feet"
JO: "No shit?"
SAM: "Yep"
JO: "Does it lay eggs?"
SAM: "Yep, as big as your head"
TONY: "If you think that's amazing, I've got this weird cousin with three ears who worked in a nuclear plant in the Soviet Union...."
And so it continues; therapy.
Of course to the female of the species, shit talking is not only a waste of valuable time, but a source of great consternation, frustration and confusion. In lay mans terms, they simply don't get it and they definitely don't enjoy it. While women love to talk about 'something', men are very happy to talk about nothing in particular. AKA... shit. In fact, talking about something will typically raise blood pressure and produce a stress response in the alpha male of the species, while talking shit will do the exact opposite. Numerous studies have found that regular shit talkers are more resistant to disease, enjoy a stronger immune system, worry less, live longer and enjoy greater happiness than their non-shit-speaking male counterparts.
In short, talking shit can be a life saver. Ladies, if you really love your man, let him talk shit. In fact, encourage him to talk shit. Think of the kids.
This article has been another fine example of a man talking shit.
Feel free to share on this most important subject.
* If you're not sure how to leave a comment click here.
For all our research, resources, technology and collective intelligence there's still way more that we don't know about managing the human body, than we do. We like to think we're more enlightened than ever but in many ways we're still failing miserably when it comes to creating optimal health; just take a look around at our fat, stressed, addicted, depressed, unhealthy society. Could it be that we've been looking in the wrong place, using the wrong approach or maybe missing the point altogether?
Stumbling in the Dark
In the big wide world of health science (medicine, exercise, nutrition, disease prevention, immunology) we're still in the dark about many things. While plenty of experts talk as though they have the final word on the human body and how to manage it (feed it, exercise it, treat it, heal it), the truth is we're all still learning on the job; we're students. Or at least, we should be. As an exercise scientist with vast practical experience, a reasonable academic background and a good aptitude for this stuff, my knowledge, understanding and skill level are constantly improving (because I work at it) and at the same time, my beliefs and thinking are always evolving because I'm learning (and un-learning) things daily. My thinking about what I do and how I do it, and my practical approach to my work have changed over the years because I have grown, adapted, learned by doing and made numerous mistakes. My "what I don't know" list is still way bigger than my "what I do know" list. And always will be. I don't aspire to know it all, just more.
Knowing what we don't Know
Aside from what we know we don't know about the human body (with me?), there's also what we think we know but actually don't. Then there's the mountain of conflicting (research-based) information available to you and I, and last but not least, there's the widespread professional and philosophical disagreement between not only the individual experts in each field, but also between the various professions. Ask the same question to ten experts and you'll probably get ten different answers. And a headache.
Scientific Embarrassment
Some experts don't want you to know that much of what was scientific 'fact' only decades ago is now scientific embarrassment. In the next few years we will discover that a percentage of what we currently consider to be 'absolute' is either partial truth or completely wrong. On many levels we assume, hypothesize and guess but we don't know for certain. There is still much sickness and disease, and at the other end of the scale, health and healing, that doesn't actually make 'sense' according to our current scientific knowledge. We all know stories of people (friends and family perhaps) who have recovered from an illness that they shouldn't have. Or people with medical conditions that just don't seem to make sense (within the confines of our walls of current understanding). Or the person given three months to live five years ago who is still living a functional, happy, healthy and productive life today.
Choosing Health
For the last few years I've worked with a lady who isn't meant to be here; according to the doctors. All the 'medical intelligence' says she should have been dead years ago. Someone was wrong. And the science was wrong. Perhaps she determined her own destiny rather than having it forecast by a stranger or a set of mandatory rules that predicted her imminent death. Perhaps she chose to live and by making that choice something happened on a physiological level. Perhaps her psychology changed her physiology. And maybe her thinking produced biochemical changes which lead to changes in her immune system, improved health and ultimately, life not death.
The area of Psychoneuroimmunology (PNI) is a relatively new field of study (born in the mid seventies) which looks at how our thinking affects our immune system; how our mind affects our health. We now know that our mental and emotional states have a significant (and often under-estimated) impact on our physical health. Although other cultures have known and benefited from this understanding for centuries. People who dwell on the negative will have a suppressed immune system and will be more predisposed to illness, while their more positive counterparts will be less likely to fall ill. We know that prolonged mental and emotional stress (a form of illness) will invariably lead to physical disease just as we know that, happy people will typically outlive their stressed neighbours and have a better level of health doing it.
"For this is the great error of our day, that the physicians separate the soul from the body"- Hippocrates
Yep, an old Greek bloke figured this stuff out 2,500 years ago... some of us are a little slow to catch on.
Miracles
The cool thing is that when we look beyond that 'part' of the person (in this case, the body) and start to treat the 'whole' of the person (body, mind, spirit) we begin to move beyond logic, science and our own understanding. That's often where freedom is and where the miracles happen; a miracle being something that we can't explain with our humanistic, western, self-limiting mindset. Sometimes the very things which stand in the way of our health, healing and happiness are in fact science, logic and our erroneous beliefs and understanding of what's possible for us. Sometimes what works for you won't make sense in many people's eyes and won't be particularly scientific. And that's okay. Your mind, body and spirit are in constant communication but the question is, are you paying attention?. When we step out of the "I am a body" mindset and into the "my body is not who I am, it's where I live" paradigm, then the term complete health takes on a totally new meaning.
Treating the Person, not the Body.
By and large (whatever that means) western medicine is the only medical system in the world which treats the body in isolation rather than treating the entire person as an integrated unit. In most non-western medicines (for want of a better term) the person is treated as the multi-dimensional, amazing creature that they are, whereas in our culture we have traditionally treated the body, not the person. In many cultures (some would say, more evolved cultures), the mind, emotions, body and spirit are treated in unison because it is understood that when a part of the individual is unwell, the whole of the individual will be unwell. If not right now, soon.
The Black Sheep of the Scientific Family
I've just read what I've written so far and I guess this message could sound somewhat contradictory coming from a scientist (of sorts) and I can understand why many people would think that. On many levels I'm not very good at the 'science thing' because I find some of it to be limiting, wishy-washy and conflicting. Having said that, I still believe it should play (and continue to play) a role in the overall health management process, keeping in mind that it is constantly evolving and flawed; just like the people who create it and teach it. Including me. When we take away the scientific arrogance and the need to be right (we love being right in our culture because we have our ego attached to our triumphs), then we open our mind, body and spirit to a world of possibilities; a world of healing, happiness, harmony and health that lays beyond our understanding, logic and often beyond anything we've ever known or experienced.
When we (you and I) stop treating the body (in isolation) and start treating the person, we begin the move towards enlightenment, a shift in consciousness and complete health. Health like we've never known.
So my friend, look after not only your body, but your head, your heart and your spirit too.
Peace x
* Love to hear your thoughts on this subject - you know the drill.
So I guess we figured out how to get a bunch of comments (see yesterday's post); offer a prize! Thanks for all your suggestions, words of wisdom and insight; there was some great advice given. Next Monday I will let you know who has a signed copy of my book coming their way. Now that you first-time commenters have stopped lurking in the cyber-shadows, don't break the habit. I love your comments, ideas and feedback; it helps me know where my readers are at and often gives me ideas for future articles and studies.
All in the Name of Science
Not everything that I get involved in is particularly life-changing, educational, sensible or even responsible. In fact sometimes a little irresponsibility is exactly what I need; some strategic silly-ness. As long as nobody dies in the process I'm happy. Minor injuries; fine. A little emotional scarring; no problem. Well, in keeping with my commitment to periodic stupidity, last Friday Johnny, Mikey (my business partner) and I conducted the inaugural craigharper.com beer-a-thon.This involved Boy Wonder (Mikey) running a full marathon (42.2 km, 26 miles) using beer as his only means of hydration; he drank six stubbies (bottles) over his journey. Of course we wrapped some pseudo-science around the stupidity and tested things like blood alcohol and hydration levels (pre and post run) to make the project seem like there was some scientific point to it. In reality, all I wanted to see was Mikey hurl and fall down. We took some great video footage, got some interesting results and laughed our guts out. Well Johnny and I did. Mikey; not so much. He laughed his guts up. I won't tell you any more because I'm putting together a full report, complete with some hilarious video footage. It will be up in the next week or two, so stay tuned. Sometimes we take ourselves a little too seriously don't we...
Live-in RYL
Our two day live-in Renovate Your Life program is almost sorted for April(ish) next year. We're just finalising dates, logistics, cost and a venue at the moment. We're trying to make it cost-effective so that anyone who would benefit from the experience can make it along without having to sell their kids or mortgage the family home. We will announce the details next week.
TV
I'll be sharing the love on Channel Ten here in the Land Down Under tomorrow morning at 9.45(ish), so if you're near a telly, take a gander. We are discussing 'A Simple Strategy for Optimal Health' (a recent article of mine).
The Last Bit
Enjoy your weekend Kids. Do different to create different, stop over-thinking (yes, you) and be all about the answer, not the problem. And yes, you can change behaviours on a Friday or even a Saturday. Crazy I know.
If you're not sure how to leave a comment, click here. Ciao x
Hi Groovers. I apologise for being a little scarce lately but the rest of my life (the bit I get paid for) has been somewhat chaotic for the last eight weeks. I will do as many corporate gigs in the last three months of this year, as I did in the first nine! It's a good 'problem' to have and I love it but one of the by-products of my busy life right now is sleep deprivation and limited blogging time. And the attention span of a three year-old (at times). I'm writing this at ten o'clock Wednesday night and I've been up since three forty five this morning. I had to be in Sydney for an eight thirty meeting and then get back to Melbourne for lunch with Johnny. You know how he gets when he misses out on lunch with me. Tonight I went to a premiere of a movie (more of a documentary really) calledWheel of Life. I don't normally do premieres (okay never) but I'm in the film (doco) so I thought I best show my slightly exhausted, rapidly-aging, stubbly face. It's a personal development, change-your-thinking-life-and-reality type doco with some really amazing educators, thinkers and change-specialists in it.
And me.
Gotta say, I'm more than a little excited about bed tonight.
Anyway, on with today's post.
So the Over-Thinker has rated a few mentions here at me-dot-com but she has never had her own feature, so today is that day....
As a rule, thinking is a good thing and while some people don't do it enough (more often men), some do it way too much; the Over-Thinker (more often women). Don't yell at me, I'm just reporting the facts. Having said that, both genders can fall into either category but today we're going to chat about the one who does too much.
Some people think themselves into stagnation, frustration, exhaustion, anxiety and even illness. They have an aptitude for making the simple, complex, the easy, hard, the minor issue, a major drama and the pain-less, pain-ful. They are adept at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory and also at wasting their time and talent through age-old art of over-analysing everything and everyone; analysis paralysis. They are experts at misinterpreting what people are saying and if there is a way to have their feelings hurt, they'll find it. Even go looking for it. Not only do they have a history of almost doing things but more often than not they are obsessive, compulsive with perfectionistic tendencies. They worry too much. About nearly everything. They are people pleasers who want change (different) but the change process scares them. They don't need other people to sabotage their dreams or goals, they can do that all by themselves. They are highly skilled in the art of self-sabotage and if anyone will get in their way, it's them. They are... the Over-Thinker.
So, if you identify with any of the above, then you probably inhabit the cerebral landscape somewhere between casual Over-Thinker and chronic Over-Thinker. Here's a few tips to help you deal with your Over-Thinking-Ness (a word). (Now).
1.Stop waiting for perfection (perfect timing, perfect conditions) before you do what you know you should have done long ago. Being ambitious is great but aiming for perfection is unrealistic, impractical and debilitating. Aim for constant improvement and consciously and methodically work towards positive change where you need it most.
2. Don't assume. Don't act on hunches, act on facts.
3. Be more proactive; do stuff! Get out of the theory and into the practical. Now! Do at least one thing each day every day that will get you closer to where you want to be. Even if it scares you. Especially if it scares you. To steal someone else's book title, "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway." Don't let fear hijack your potential or run your life (into the ground).
4. Ask yourself the right type of questions; the ones which will put you (mentally) in a positive, practical, productive and solution-focused head space. Acknowledge the problem but be all about the solution. Consciously find the good.
5. Have a sounding board (coach, friend, mentor, relative); someone who will provide you with relevant, meaningful, specific, unemotional feedback - you can't be objective about you. Make sure it's someone who will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
6.In order to consistently and consciously move from mediocre to amazing, create a plan and totally commit to it. Don't give yourself an escape clause. Identify and commit to your non-negotiable behaviours.
7. Stop rationalising, justifying and explaining what you're not doing. Try honesty, it's quite effective. And liberating.
8.Keep a Success Diary (wanky name but great concept). Journaling your thoughts, decisions, behaviours and results is a great way to keep perspective, stay focused and motivated and to de-emotionalise the change process. It's also a good way for you to learn what works - for you.
9.Get out of your thoughts.EckhartTolle talks about finding that very quiet, relaxing and beautiful space beyond our thoughts. The place where peace, calm, joy and freedom live. This is something which needs to be worked on but with practice you'll be able to do it almost anywhere at any time. We don't know how hard it is to stop thinking until we try. And the irony is that moving beyond our thoughts is not really about trying but about letting go. Of the chaos. The mind can be an exhausting place and sometimes we need a holiday from it. If you struggle with this concept, start by losing yourself in some of your favourite music. Step out of your mind and into the music; away from the cerebral and into the creative. The spiritual. The non-thinker. If you're interested in exploring and understanding this concept more, check out EckhartTolle's book the Power of Now. It's kind of heavy going (possibly weird depending on where you're at) but well worth it if you can persevere and digest his words thoughtfully.
10. I'm not giving you a number ten. This one is for you to fill out. I want you tell the rest of us what the tenth tip should be. And to the person who provides me with the best piece of advice (as judged by me), I will send (okay, Johnny will send) you a signed copy of my book Fattitude (anywhere in the world). I will also take your tip and re-publish this article with your contribution and an acknowledgement to you. So here's your chance to be a published author. Of sorts. If you were finishing this article how would you finish it? Just leave your tip by clicking on the comment thingy.
And here's our winning entry from Vicki Gottliebsen...
10. With all the thoughts traveling around your head, some of them should be evicted, others are stuck and are too scared to come out. See your brain's thoughts as one massive Apartment Block. Let's look at Level 2 of your Apartment Block ... as you walk down the corridor, you hear the ol' crazy woman behind Apt 22 "you should have done it this way stuuupid...". Further down is the chatterbox in Apt 28 who always has her door open and jumps out and distracts you, just as you're trying to get somewhere. At the end of the corridor is Mr Gotnothingbettertodo who without fail stops you dead in your tracks "if you only saw how silly you looked you've never do that again!". These trouble-making tenants are in fact those thoughts that interupt your driving forces and freeze you with guilt, anxiety and reasons to keep us still. These tenants are really easy to spot, haven't paid rent in years, are up to no good and are causing trouble to all the other (good) tenants. These tenants must be evicted - effective immediately! Start right now - select the most disturbing tenant you know is doing you no good and hand deliver your notice NOW! Get in that elevator, press the button to the floor that you know you keep avoiding.. and march to their door with confidence and hand deliver that notice. If they don't co-operate, grab them by the ankles and toss them out. These tenants have been settled for a long time and know how to persuade you - so don't give in! Remember, you have other fantastic tenants there that will be right by your side to support you in this mass evacuation. This will make room for new, inspirational tenants. Make this Apartment Block your own - bring it back to life, create activities for your community, put in groovy carpet, bring in leafy plants, put in a bar upstairs with 24/7 feel good music (next to the brain spa and indoor pool) - even renovate a complete level and turn it into a brain haven where your tenants can go to put their feet up and recuperate. It's your Apartment Block - the possibilities are endless!
Thanks Vicki!
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About a hundred years ago when I was a young, fresh trainer (hard to believe I know) I had a meeting with a lady and her morbidly obese thirteen year-old son to talk about some training for him. The kid was about 160cm (five foot four) and 100kg (220lbs). In the first two minutes of our meeting the mother informed me that Junior was not in fact fat, but a big boned boy carrying 'a little' weight. At that point I asked Junior to let Mum (Mom) and I have a private chat. He left the room and the ensuing conversation went something like this:
CH: "Mrs _______ unless that big, soft lump spilling over the top of your son's pants is a bone, I'm pretty certain he's fat; really fat." Mum: (sporting a look of disbelief) "Sure he has a little puppy fat, but that's mostly his large frame."
CH: "No, it's not his frame; he's morbidly obese." Mum: "I find that offensive." CH: "I find it honest."
Mum: "What are you saying?"
CH: "I'm saying your son is not carrying a little puppy fat, I'm saying he's dangerously obese and you don't want to acknowledge that. I'm not trying to offend you, I'm giving you honest, accurate feedback and advice."
Mum: "I don't think you're taking into account his stocky body type."
We went back and forth for a few minutes but she wasn't remotely interested in the reality of the situation. She had created a story in her head which allowed her to feel more comfortable about the fact that she had a teenage son who weighed more than most adults; a child that she had enabled to be morbidly obese. She didn't like my version of the story. And I don't think she liked me. I get that a bit. She left and continued her search for "someone who would understand her son's situation." Clearly I didn't understand her big boned boy.
It is What it is.
I have been working with obese people for twenty seven years. On all levels; emotionally, psychologically, physically and practically. There's nothing I haven't seen or heard when it comes to the issue of fat people. I've even been a fat people (er, person). So I get it, not only theoretically, but experientially too. I understand how tough it is (on all levels) to lose weight and maintain results over an extended period of time. I know it hurts to be fat. Been there. I also know that many insensitive and uncaring people misuse and abuse the word fat in an attempt to hurt others and create some kind of negative outcome. We all know that idiots who taunt or insult obese people for entertainment need a smack in the head but... at the other end of the scale we have another group who are so politically correct, misguided and occasionally deluded that they consider the use of words like fat and obese to be unwarranted and potentially dangerous under any circumstances.
What Fat Isn't.
By the way, for the purpose of this article, the term fat is not an insult; it's a physiological state. But even having made that clear, I know that some people will get offended because that's what they do; they find a reason to complain rather than a reason to change. They want attention and sympathy, not a solution. After all, the solution to obesity involves discipline, self-control and hard work; not high on some people's list. If there's a way to get hurt, defensive or angry some people will find it no matter what. And then milk the crap out of it.
You can get mad at me or you can change your body. Your choice.
In a futile attempt to keep everyone's feelings intact, we have integrated terms like big boned, full figured, stocky, thick set, voluptuous, puppy fat and solid into our vocabulary. "Hmm, he's a solid lad isn't he."
Nope, he's fat.
But What About Their Arteries?
I'm confused as to why we (the society) seem to be so concerned with, and vocal about, people's emotional welfare (surrounding their obesity) but not nearly as concerned with, or vocal about, their fat bodies and the potential physical consequences of that obesity. It's like, "whatever you do, don't hurt their feelings... sure they might be heading towards heart disease, diabetes, respiratory issues, back problems and a range of related conditions but if you must talk to them about 'you-know-what' (shhh), please don't mention the 'F' word. Call it something else."
When I was a fat teenager, I was f-a-t. Not solid. Not big boned. Not stocky. No, I was morbidly obese. Large. Huge. Whopping. I ate too much and moved too little and the result was one very fat kid. Sure, I could try to make this story sound slightly less confronting and possibly more reader friendly, but do I really need to? Why must we avoid stating the obvious? The truth. The practical reality of our fat culture and population.
A Little Short Term Pain for Some Long Term Gain
I'm not for one moment suggesting that any of us should be insensitive or uncaring when dealing with people who are battling obesity, neither am I saying that creating real change is not a tough, emotional and at times, painful process. I know it is and I am mindful of this when I talk to people. I care about people's feelings very much but I care about their physical health more. I would rather hurt someone's feelings for five minutes if there's a chance it might lead to a longer, healthier, happier life. Of course my preferred option would be to not offend them at all and get them in shape physically. For years I struggled with my body but it wasn't until I stopped the pity party, ditched the destructive behaviours, changed my mindset, de-emotionalised the process (as best I could) and got very practical and honest about my fat self that things started to turn around.
We can continue to make obesity an emotional soap opera or we can roll up our sleeves, step into reality, make some tough decisions, be honest and practical... and then do what needs to be done to create a healthier population.
Or we can continue being big-boned and full-figured.
Yesterday I did some radio on the ABC here in Melbourne (it's Sunday night now) and while we covered a few topics, the one subject which dominated the bulk of the talk-back conversation was gastric bypass surgery. It seems that many people have an opinion on it and it's an issue which certainly evokes emotion (of all types). At present here in Australia, it is being suggested by some in the political arena that we tax payers should foot the bill (or part thereof) for obese people who choose to opt for that particular surgical procedure.
But this Article Isn't about Surgery
Personally, I'm not a fan of the proposal but that's just my opinion and as it stands I don't think I'll be influencing parliamentary outcomes any time soon. Of course there were talk-back callers in both camps (for and against) and as always, there were a few people-pleasing, fence-sitters who said nothing in particular and just wanted their thirty seconds of air time. That's okay; no harm done.
But none of that was what really grabbed my attention.
A Shift
Maybe it's just a shift in my consciousness and/or a change in my level of awareness, but what became very apparent to me being part of that on-air discussion was some people's need to be right no matter what. People who need to be right are dangerous. And abundant. You'll find them in governments, at schools, in churches, in businesses, on blogs, on sporting teams, on radio and in every walk of life. They're not really interested in learning, connecting or considering any thoughts or ideas other than their own. They periodically feign humility but it's just a show. They don't discuss; they deliver a sermon. If not, a tirade. They don't talk with you; they talk at you. They are not interested in the greater good; they are (often) self-absorbed, unaware, delusional egomaniacs who like to show others how intellectually, academically, philosophically and spiritually superior they are. They definitely don't want you or I to teach them anything.
Humility and Open-Mindedness
I have many strong opinions (no shit) but as a rule, I am open for discussion, correction and education on most things, as long as the chat transpires in a civil, logical and respectful way and as long as my educator is humble, open minded and well-meaning. Irrational, self-righteous, loud-talking, ranting zealots annoy me. The more you an I need to be right, the more shut down we become to what the world and everyone and everything in it has to teach us. The more we will miss out on.
If (some of) our political and religious leaders were less concerned with being right and more concerned with being righteous, perhaps the world would be a very different place.
But that's just what I think; I could be wrong.
Are you EVER one of those people who needs to be right?
The thought of being alone terrifies most of us. It seems we have an inbuilt need to be part of something (a group, an organisation, a team, a tribe, a religion, a family, a gang) or someone else. We have an overwhelming urge to be loved, needed, wanted, valued, desired and appreciated. To belong. Without being attached to someone or something many of us feel incomplete. Invisible. Less valuable. Less worthy. Confronted with the possibility of being alone, many people will do strange, desperate, irrational, embarrassing and even dangerous things. We fear isolation; social, emotional, psychological and physical isolation. We crave to touch and be touched; both literally and metaphorically. Before a baby can understand anything, it understands and craves touch. It also understands isolation. We carry that into adulthood.
Robinson Crusoe
I don't believe we're built to be alone; to live an indefinite life of isolation. We're not particularly good at it. And it's not always healthy for us. Having said that, I also know that periods of isolation can be an integral and valuable part of our personal growth journey; life changing even. While we don't want to live a life apart (understandably), being constantly attached to someone or something (I am not necessarily talking about a romantic relationship here) is also unhealthy and potentially destructive over the long term.
What Terrifies us Teaches Us
Sometimes the thing that scares us most is exactly what we need to learn, grow, adapt and gain strength (but not what we necessarily want or appreciate at the time). In many cases, what terrifies us teaches us. It can help us discover who we really are (and aren't) beyond our attachment to, or relationship with, someone or something else. In a sense, it can allow us to stop being a part of something (for a while) and to start being an all of something else; all of me. All of you. Some of us have been a part (only) for so long, that it can feel like we lost us long ago.
Noise and Distraction
Some of us love to immerse ourselves in constant busy-ness, mayhem, noise and people; it allows us to keep our head in the sand for just a little bit longer. To numb the pain. To ignore what our heart has been telling us for a long time. Note that I said heart, not head. Although our mind is an incredible computer with infinite ability, it also has the capacity to deceive, lie and mislead. To sabotage our potential. To get in our way. To stand between us and fulfillment, peace, happiness, nirvana, success; whatever that means for us personally. If we don't control it, it will control us. You know what I mean because it's often busy in your head isn't it? Too busy. Our heart, on the other hand, speaks only truth. And while the truth can set us free, it also scares us. And of course, we don't like being scared.
Silence
We can all benefit from regular silence, space, solitude and serenity; the four S's. Sometimes a dose of 'alone' is the best medicine. Many of us live in the middle of mayhem. Periodic mayhem; okay. Constant mayhem; not okay. What our mind wants and what our heart and body need are often poles apart. Being away from the busy-ness, the crowds and the mayhem means listening to that still, small voice; the one we've been so good at ignoring for far too long. The voice of our heart. Whenever we're alone, really alone, it commands our attention. Being alone scares some of us because it makes us feel. Deeply. It makes us face up to... us. The entirety of us; the good, the bad and the dysfunctional. For many people, silence is completely terrifying; something to be avoided. It's too confronting. It makes them feel and feeling hurts, so noise it will be. Their eternal companion is the distraction of the TV, radio, iPod or anything loud enough and constant enough to eradicate the silence. Anything that will drown out that still small voice. Personally, I love silence. I crave it. I miss it when I don't have it. It nourishes my soul, gives me perspective, calm and balance.
Not Sexy
One of life's ironies is that the more desperate we are to be loved, needed, accepted and wanted, the less attractive we will be to anyone (person, group, organisation) and the more disconnected we may ultimately be. And I'm not just speaking about personal relationships here. Note to self: desperation; not sexy. Over the years I have watched many of my friends, colleagues and clients do stupid (I mean ridiculous) things to impress family and friends, to belong to a group, to attract someone or to keep a hold on a person. Anything from telling major lies, to compromising their values and beliefs, to getting pregnant, to feigning illness, to threatening violence, to major cosmetic surgery. And as you would imagine, those tactics always work out well. Not.
Getting to Know You
In reality those people don't need anyone or anything else to be complete, or worthy or amazing or beautiful. Neither do you. As long as our self esteem, our sense of self-worth, our happiness, our confidence and our identity are totally dependant on any relationship (person, organisation, etc.), we will always be insecure because all relationships are temporary. The only question being, how temporary? You on the other hand, you will always be in your life, so maybe you should spend some quality time with you, sooner, rather than later.
When you get to know you, you may even like you.
If you don't know it already, I'll tell you right now - you are an amazing, spectacular and beautiful person with more potential than you know. And no, this is not some feel-good, mumbo-jumbo hype; this is absolute truth. If it's not your truth, it needs to be. I know these words won't sit well with some of you (what with that crappy self-esteem and destructive self-talk), but once again, that's just your mind sabotaging your happiness, your potential and your future. Stop it.
Did you know that over the last two years I have written and published nearly six hundred articles on this site? Plus a bunch more for various magazines. Most of them with some component of education, motivation, insight and/or inspiration. And the odd splash of humour. As somebody said to me the other day "shit you write a lot." And yep, I do. I'm totally passionate about and committed to what I do; helping people change their lives. Amazingly, some people have read everything I've ever written here at me-dot-com. But even more amazing is the fact that some who have read everything... have applied absolutely nothing!
Read with Caution...
We all understand that change doesn't come from reading (only) right? It happens when we turn the theory into a practical reality; from doing what we know, not from knowing what to do. To me it seems that some people just aren't serious about change. They act serious but that's all they do; act. They are performers, not doers. They say the right things but they never actually follow through. You know them. You could even bethem from time to time. They talk about it and think about it almost incessantly but they just don't want it badly enough. For whatever reason, they're just not willing to do what it takes. Talk to them and they will rationalise, justify and explain why they're not doing what they know they should. They've been almost doing things for years. While they are finding an excuse, people who are serious (about creating their best life) are finding a way. While they are immersed in the problem, people like me are all about the solution. I used to be much more tolerant with the career excuse-makers and procrastinators but twenty-something years down the track I am sick of their crap, their delusional thinking, their mental and emotional weakness and their constant bullshit. There. I said it. Harsh? Maybe. Honest? Definitely.
I feel better.
No More Pointless Conversations
These days I only want to work with people who are actually ready to do what's necessary to create life-long positive change. I'm not interested in having more meaningless, unproductive, pointless conversations with people who have no real intention of doing what needs to be done; people who are more interested in getting sympathy and attention than they are in learning, growing and doing. The idea (of change) appeals to them but the reality of it is another story. I'm too busy for any more pseudo conversations. I used to wonder how many of my articles it would take. And then I would remind myself that I can't change anybody but me. Some people will read one of my articles and change their life, while others will read everything I've ever written and never change a thing. Why? Because it's not about what I write, it's about what people do with what I write. It's about whether people use the information. Use their potential. Use their opportunities. Do what needs to be done... as opposed to what's comfortable, convenient and easy.
Craig the Romance Novelist
I am constantly being told by people that they love the way I teach, my writing style and my honesty (of course some hate it too). Well that's nice and I appreciate the support, but what I'm really after is reports of incredible results. Amazing change. Yes I want people to enjoy my writing, my thoughts and my lessons but what I want more is transformed lives. Writing for the sake of writing is not rewarding and not what I'm about. As a personal development writer (sorry about that wanky label) mentor, coach and educator, if my writing doesn't impact lives in a real, practical and measurable way, then what's the point? I may as well write romance novels.
There's a thought.
"It was a warm summer evening as he ambled slowly towards the homestead; a walk he thought he'd never make again. It had been four long years at war but through the kitchen window and the fading light she couldn't help but recognise that unmistakable silhouette. For a moment she thought it was a dream. Her heart skipped a beat, her mind raced and she ran like a young girl to the front door. He reached the verandah, dropped his bag, opened his arms and without speaking a single word their lips met..."
Okay, perhaps not.
Er, aaaah, ummm....
Being a personal development writer who is expected to churn out high volume (the nature of blogging) and high quality work is often a tough gig but that's okay; I don't mind tough. To be honest, there have been a few times when I have sat at my computer and thought "what can I possibly say today that hasn't already been said? Or how can I say it in a way which will have more impact on my readers?" I guess there have been times when I have put too much pressure on myself to help people produce results but then I remember, I'm only the writer and YOU are the doer. So I'll write and you do.
As some of you know, I've never been drunk. Or nearly drunk. Never been a drinker of alcohol. At all. Never had a can of beer or a glass of wine. Or a glass of any alcohol for that matter. Living in a country and a culture where your beer-drinking ability almost defines you as a man, being a non-drinker can raise a few eyebrows and generate anything from questions and curiosity, to criticism. When I was about fifteen I went away with some of my buddies and of course there was alcohol involved. Most of my friends were already drinking (occasionally) but I had never really tried it. On the recommendation of my buddies (thanks Vin) I tasted (sipped) a few alcoholic options. To me they all tasted like crap. The boys told me to persevere with the beer. I persevered for about a third of a can; it still tasted like crap. That was my drinking career over. Okay I didn't give it much of a chance but to be honest I didn't see the point. I didn't want to give it a chance. Some things are worth persevering with, for me alcohol wasn't one of them. For me, an alcohol-free life has always been my normal.
By the Way, it's not About Alcohol; it's About Standards.
Am I judging drinkers? Nope. I'm talking about me, nobody else. My rules, my standards, my behaviour, my normal. Am I against alcohol? Nope. Am I against excessive drinking? Of course; I'm against excessive anything. In fact this article is not about alcohol or my sobriety; it's about behaviours, standards, choices and outcomes. It's about what we choose to do with what we've got; how we manage US. Or don't manage us, as the case may be. The beauty of being rational, logical, educated adults is that you and I have the opportunity to create our own standards and rules; what is normal for you and me. We have the freedom and ability to create a productive, constructive and healthy version of normal, or we can do the opposite (consciously or not) and create an unhealthy, destructive version. Every single day we have the opportunity to change our standards (the way we think, choose, react, behave, produce, live) and to create a 'new and improved' normal for ourselves. Some of us have been living an unhealthy version of normal for far too long and it's time for us to create a new, more effective and drastically different normal (that is, standard) if we are serious about creating better outcomes in our world over the long term (our lifespan). A normal that will enable us to live a more balanced, more fulfilled, happier, productive and healthier life. Or perhaps a normal that will allow us to... live. Full stop.
A Normal that Will Lift You Up
If, like me, you're a person who wants to maximise your potential, live your dreams, overcome your fears, break those destructive habits and behaviours, lose the stinking thinking and create amazing and exceptional outcomes on a consistent basis, then it could be time for you to create a new normal; a normal that will stretch you physically, creatively, professionally, academically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. A normal that will lift you up, not drag you down. A normal that will take you out of the group mentality, the pack thinking, the mediocre mindset and the undesirable outcomes. A normal that will enable you to become a better version of you.
If you want to be like the majority then do what they do; procrastinate, embrace destructive habits, talk shit, waste time, waste talent, make excuses, get angry, blame others and throw yourself a regular pity party. If you want to create exceptional results then do exceptional things; do what most won't. Do different to produce different.
No real lesson today, just a little update from the top bit of the best country in the world.
So here I am in Paradise. Well a tropical, somewhat humid version of Paradise anyway. I'm in Port Douglas to speak at a conference. I'm staying here at the Sheraton Mirage and I gotta say, I've had tougher gigs. Like when I used to get punched in the head for twelve bucks an hour as a crowdcontroltechnician in the 80's. And then drive home with blood on my shirt. Aaaah, so many lessons. And bruises.
I'm not From Around Here... Can You Tell?
When I left Melbourne yesterday morning it was about 11C (50F) with no humidity (to speak of) and I when I arrived here last night it was 35C (nearly 100F) and about four thousand percent humidity. Pretty much. Being the mental giant that I am, I went straight to the gym, started heaving some weights (as alpha males do) and nearly spontaneously combusted. I'm not sure, but I think my fluorescent white skin, my profuse sweating and my inability to cope with the heat may have alerted the locals to my "I'm not from around here" status. Somehow I don't think I'll adapt to the heat in the course of my twenty four hour stay.
Heat Exhaustion and Hypothermia... in the Same Room!
When I stay in the tropics I always struggle to get the air-conditioning and the fan things right in my hotel room at night time. I'm either swimming in my own body fluids or giving myself hypothermia through air-conditioner mis-management. Last night I alternated between back-stroking in sweat and scraping the frost off my nose. I clearly need to do some kind of air-conditioning workshop. I'm hot, I'm cold. I'm up, I'm down. Blankets on, blankets off. Tossing, turning. TV on, TV off. Any advice?
The All-You-Can-Eat-Breakfast...
I just got back from doing a sound check (they do that with big auditoriums) and eating my breakfast. I am on stage at 10:40 and presenting to about three hundred people. The sound check wasn't particularly eventful but I must say the 'all-you-can-eat-breakfast' at a holiday resort is always guaranteed to be an entertaining, interesting and at times, logic-defying spectacle for the casual observer. I wrote an article the other day about focus, well if you want to see real focus, come to a place like this and watch some people at the all-you-can-eat buffet. They are motivated, focused and committed to eating. At any cost. It actually makes me sad to see people destroying their health with gluttony. I know they don't want my advice or help but part of me wants to rip those muffins and croissants out of their fat little fingers and shake them. I watched a huge lady this morning load up her plate with a (big) cooked breakfast three times. She didn't fit on her chair and without trying to be rude, there was more of her ass off the chair, than on. Much more. Okay maybe it was a little rude. And a lot honest. She would have weighed 150kg (330lbs), been five foot three or four and about thirty five years old. I hope she makes forty.
The Happiness Scale
I've made another interesting observation since I've been here; on the happiness scale, a lot of people seem to hover somewhere between mildly content and completely miserable. Well, their faces seem to anyway. Now, I know what you're thinking, "how can they be miserable; they're in paradise." Well, I agree with you but listen to my experience...
Some Field Research
To get anywhere here, you need to do quite a bit of walking because it's a massive resort. So I've been walking all over the place. Walking to breakfast this morning I walked past at least twenty people going in the opposite direction. Being as it was only them and I on that part of the track, I would try to make eye contact (as I do), smile at them and say "good morning". Person after person avoided eye contact, looked at the ground and didn't acknowledge the needy only-child at all. In the course of my fifteen minute walk to breakfast (I went the long way), one person looked at me and said good morning. He was a friendly old guy. I love friendly old guys. Not to be confused with creepy, annoying old guys. As I looked at these people, the majority just didn't seem very happy. Not a smile to be seen. I wondered if I was imagining it, so I decided to conduct an impromptu study; a little field research in the tropics.
So I did two trials...
Trial One: In the first trial I walked past thirty people (not a massive sample I know), looked at them and smiled if they happened to make eye contact with me. Of the thirty subjects, twenty three made no eye contact with me at all (keep in mind that we were walking towards each other on a foot path), and of the seven who did make eye contact, three returned a smile and one of the three said hello. Bonus! Four (of the seven) actually looked away when I smiled at them. That may say something about me! Of course there are many variables and factors which can influence results but it was an interesting observation and outcome nonetheless. Perhaps shyness plays a role. Interpret the results as you will. If for example, I was an attractive female researcher instead of.... well, me... perhaps the results may been different. Or not.
Trial Two: For the second trial, I went on the attack. Again, my sample size was thirty. I said good morning to every person I passed, even the ones who didn't look at me and clearly weren't up for a chat. I was annoyingly friendly. Here are my results:
* Six didn't look at me or respond at all; they completely ignored me (even though I spoke to them).
* Of the twenty four who did respond, only four smiled back at me (twenty six non-smilers).
* About half (not exactly sure, it was research on the run) of those who did reply, didn't seem particularly happy to be spoken to.
I could interpret this data and come up with some philosophical theory on the matter but why don't you tell me what you think. Can you imagine being in paradise and not being happy? Maybe happiness is not about our external environment but our internal one? Hmmm. Perhaps it's possible to be in Paradise and hell at the same time? It would seem that misery is portable; some people take it everywhere with them. Oops, time to go. I have a crowd to address.
November 9, 2:08pm
Wow, I cut that a little fine. I lost track of time (hello, my name is Craig and I'm a blogoholic) and got to where I needed to be with about ten minutes to spare. When you fly interstate to give a presentation it's always good to actually turn up for it. Strangely, the conference organisers seem happier when I show! Something about value for money...
My gig went well, they were a great crowd, nobody threw rotten fruit and we had lots of fun. I'm sure I offended a few. Maybe ten. Got some very nice feedback and had a great lunch with some of the conference attendees. The funny thing about eating lunch with three hundred people after you've just hammered them for seventy five minutes about diet, exercise, lifestyle and attitude is that EVERYONE comes to see what the freak is eating for lunch. Clearly they don't know about my cheesecake issues.
Anyway, I need to get out of this hotel room, stretch my legs, get off this computer, enjoy a little sun and then start the epic journey home to the thriving metropolis of Melbourne. Tell me your thoughts on my 'research'. How do you interpret the results? See you tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like you're flat out achieving not much? Very busy but not particularly effective or productive? Or fulfilled? Like you're investing significant time and energy but not producing your desired results? Like the veritable mouse on the treadmill; a lot of running with no progress? Welcome to a very large club; the Lack-of-Focus Club. Not a sexy name I know, but it's very real and it's membership is growing daily. In this club we're not absolutely clear about what we want, so we try to do everything. And be everything. With disastrous results.
The Frustrated Juggler
When it comes to exploring your potential and living your dreams, maybe it's time for you to work smarter, more methodically and with much more focus. Less emotion, less balls in the air, more logic, more system and more effectiveness. Better focus equals better results. Perhaps it's time to prioritise, to plan more effectively and to determine what is the best use of your time, energy and potential in your quest to create your ideal life. This might mean putting some goals and plans on hold (or losing them altogether) while you focus yourself to make others a reality. It might mean getting clear about your values, your objectives and what's most important to you (right now) in terms of the reality you're working towards. Be practical, be realistic and be honest; is what you've been doing (to this point in time) working? If not, change it! Sometimes the more things we try to achieve at once, the less likely we are to achieve anything over the long term. Many of us spend much of our lives with too many balls in the air and as a consequence, we do fifty things badly (or not as well as we would like) instead of a few things well. We end up exhausted, frustrated and often, back where we started. Sound familiar?
My List
The list of things I want to do, be and create over the next five years is long. However, the majority of my list receives no attention or energy from me at the moment because my current commitments and responsibilities require my full attention and focus. When I get focused, I create momentum, excitement and better results. If you're like many people, then perhaps it's time for you to stop doing a lot of things badly and start doing a few things well.
Charles Darwin once said, "It is not the strongest of the species that will survive, or the most intelligent; it is the one most adaptable to change." That thinking applies not only in the sense of physical survival as a species, but on many levels in our everyday living; emotionally, psychologically, technologically, professionally, financially, politically, culturally, romantically and in 2008, environmentally. If you and I can't adapt, we can't survive.
A Dynamic World
We live in a constantly changing, dynamic world; people change, rules change, laws change, social and behavioural standards change, language and communication is ever-changing, cultures evolve, industry standards shift, technology is racing and of course the health of our planet is in a constant state of change. Or should I say decline? If we very educated residents (of Earth) do not adapt by changing our thinking, standards and behaviours quickly and dramatically (in relation to our planet and it's resources) then we won't have much to worry about because we won't be here.
We Like What we Like
If there's one thing many of us aren't in 2008, it's adaptable. Nope, we are big fans of... SAME. We love consistency, predictability, familiarity and comfort. We love to know what to expect; what's coming. Heading into unfamiliar territory scares the crap out of us. Change ain't really our thing; too uncomfortable, too scary, too unknown, too risky. On the one hand we want to become the new and improved version of us, but on the other hand we do our best to avoid the very thing that causes us to adapt, grow, learn, improve and evolve; change. Over my journey I have seen many talented, intelligent people crash and burn simply because they can't deal with change. Their inability to adapt keeps them trapped in mediocrity and misery.
What About You?
Have you ever considered that your level of success (whatever success means for you), could be dependant on your ability to adapt to situations, circumstances, environments, challenges and even tragedy?
Have you ever wondered why ten different experts (I use that term cautiously) will give you ten completely different answers to the same question? Could it be that they are all wrong? Confused perhaps? Is one right and the other nine wrong? Is there any chance that they are all right in some way? Perhaps a particular answer is right for one person but wrong for another? Perhaps one person's solution is another's problem? How is it that well qualified, knowledgeable, experienced practitioners, educators and experts can all vary so much in their thinking, beliefs, diagnoses, prescription and advice about the exact same issue? We see this time and time again even with experts and specialists within the same field, so how are us mere mortals meant to know who or what to believe? When the experts can't agree, no wonder the non-experts feel helpless, betrayed, frustrated and even scared.
A solution: YOU.
The truth is that you know more about your body than anyone else; you are an expert about you. You might not have the technical, academic or scientific understanding of some, but you know your body and how it responds to a broad range of variables; heat, cold, foods, drugs, stress, lack of sleep, exercise, alcohol, sadness, excitement, happiness. Your body is an incredible feedback machine which is constantly sending information to your brain. You eat too much; it tells you to stop eating. You hurt your back moving the couch; it sends a signal to your brain to stop lifting. You under-sleep; it tells you to sleep more. You get stressed (elevated heart rate, respiration, blood pressure, cortisol production); it tells you to relax and slow down. Your body is constantly telling you what to do but the questions are: (1) are you listening and (2) are you acting on the information it's giving you?
So Educated, So Stupid
Many of us clever Westerners have mastered the 'art' of ignoring our body; a dangerous practice considering it's where we live and we can't get a new one. Neglect your car? Okay. The gutters on your house? Okay. Your body? Not okay. So educated and so stupid. Our body tells us to sleep, we ignore it. It tells us to lose weight, we eat more than ever. It tells us to avoid the chaos, the stress, the mayhem and to find some peace... we take a pill and push on. It tells us how much it enjoys fun and laughter but we're too busy becoming successful to have fun. It tells us how much it needs and enjoys movement but we have become the sit-down generation. It tells us that cigarettes, alcohol and drugs are destructive but we don't listen. We abuse our greatest resource. We disrespect it. We waste it. And ultimately, we destroy it.
Educated Guessing
The truth is, more often than not the expert in the picture is taking an educated guess about your situation, condition or problem. Nothing more. By the way, that's not a bad thing. That's their job; what they are meant to do. But more importantly, it's your job to listen to what your body is telling you (every day) and respond intelligently. Keeping in mind that intelligence is not about what we know; it's about what we do with what we know.
Despite what some people would have you believe, medicine (and all its components), exercise prescription and nutrition are not exact sciences; they are constantly evolving and changing shape. In ten years the experts will laugh at (some of) what we embrace as scientific fact today. I am not saying they shouldn't play a role in developing your overall health strategy, but keep in mind that there's far more that they don't know, than they do. I should know; I'm (meant to be) one of them.
YOU the Expert
By the way, I believe that most health and fitness professionals operate with integrity and do the very best they can with their patients and clients to produce optimal outcomes with the knowledge, skill, experience and understanding that they have. And many of them do an amazing job. I'm not saying that we shouldn't use them or seek their services but what I am saying is that the person who will have the greatest influence on your health over the long term is... YOU. Doctors, trainers, dietitians, psychologists and physio (physical) therapists are not answers to problems; they are resources. They can't fix you, they can only advise, educate, direct and encourage you. Despite my resources, my knowledge, my qualifications, my experience and my understanding, the only body I have ever transformed is mine. That's because I can't eat, exercise or choose for anyone but me. And when I choose to listen to my body, it talks to me constantly.
The Truth. Pretty Much.
When you consider that all scientific research (medical, nutritional, exercise) has to be funded by someone, you start to realise that not all science might be as pure and noble as we would like it to be. Plenty of 'scientific' research is funded by companies who have a vested interest in their team producing certain results; results that will give them more leverage to sell their product in a very competitive market place. As long as scientific research is conducted by humans, it will be flawed. Who said drug companies? As long as companies have an agenda and a reason to produce certain results (and they do), then their research will not be truly independent, objective or unbiased. What they ultimately report and conclude can be misleading, if not completely inaccurate and misrepresentative of the truth. Their methodology might be flawed, the results might be manipulated or misinterpreted to suit their cause, or they might keep modifying the study until they find a way to create the desired outcomes. For example, do you really think that if the beef industry commissioned (and funded) a study into the long term effects of beef consumption and the results of their research were negative that they would come out and tell us all to reduce our beef intake?
What Should We Do?
We need to learn the truth (what works for us) when it comes to our own personal health; our body. We need to educate ourselves about our own body and not operate on blind faith. Even well-meaning people can mislead you. Keep in mind that different things work for different bodies and that a generic prescription (be that medical, nutritional or exercise-based) will never be optimal for you. Six hours sleep might be plenty for me, while eight is not enough for you. Three thousand calories per day might make me fat but leave you starving. 1,500 milligrams of sodium per day might send your blood pressure through the roof but have no impact on mine. The same workout will make me sore for three days but leave you with zero post-exercise soreness. Three eggs per day might send my cholesterol off the chart but have no effect on yours. When it comes to your body, ask questions; of others and yourself. Read. Study. Consciously and proactively learn something new each day. Seek to understand how YOUR body works. Listen, it will teach you. Just because you're not (necessarily) a health professional doesn't mean you can't have incredible knowledge and understanding, and why wouldn't we all want that?
In keeping with my philosophy of not making things unnecessarily complex, I have some simple rules that work for me. You might want to consider them.
Craig's Non-Negotiables...
1. Constantly educate yourself and apply what you learn. Kind of self-explanatory really. It's a pity people choose not to learn.
2. Listen to your body. Sometimes it's the only one who knows what you need. It's a great teacher but are you a good student? 3. Eat for health not pleasure.No, this doesn't mean you can't enjoy food, it means don't be a pig. It means have a healthy relationship with food. Don't reward, motivate or medicate with food.
4. Move your body. This ain't just about structured exercise, it's about living a life with more movement in it. Compared with our great grandparents, the majority of us expend about 800 less calories per day simply because we spend so much time lying and sitting. Increase your incidental and occupational activity.
5. Manage your stress. Along with sleep, stress is the one thing that can have a dramatic (negative) impact on your physical health in a very short time. That and getting hit by a truck. We now know that there is a huge relationship between mental and emotional stress and physical disease. If you don't manage it, it will manage you.
6. Sleep. Kind of important. Zzzzz. 7. Stay well hydrated. Being as your body's about two thirds water, you might wanna stay hydrated. A surprising number of people (about 60-70%) are dehydrated on a regular basis. Constipation, headaches, lethargy, mood swings, inability to concentrate and reduced physical ability (endurance, strength, co-ordination) are some of the potential outcomes of dehydration. If you're not a fan of water, eat foods with a high water content (fruit, vegetables, cheesecake). 8. Find happiness. There's a lot of evidence to suggest a very strong correlation between happiness and longevity. Find what (who) makes you happy and hang the heck on.
As most of you know, Johnny, Vive and I have just finished our little road trip around the nation sharing the Renovate Your Life love. We had a ball, learned a bunch, got some great feedback and overall, the workshops were very well received. Phew. The overwhelming response was that people wanted more than four hours so we're now planning our two day (live-in) version which will run around March-April next year. Anyway, for those of you who couldn't make it along, I thought I'd share a ten minute (9:50) snapshot from our Sydney workshop. Keep in mind that the footage was shot on Johnny's thirty five dollar camera, it hasn't been edited in any way and my camera man is certainly no Steven Spielberg! Oh... and there may be a teensy weensy bit of swearing. Sorry. Take a peek at the clip (click on the play thingy) and enjoy your Tuesday.
G'day Groovers. Sorry the downloads have been a little scarce lately; I've been a busy boy flitting around the nation sharing a little Life Renovation Love with the masses. I'm in Sydney today presenting a workshop for a team of lawyers and legal folk, so I'm guessing that whole 'work-life balance' part of my presentation should be interesting! I hope your weekend was fun, we had our last RYL (for a while) here in Melbourne at the Harperdome (my gym) and we had a ball. Lots of laughs, plenty of learning, a few tears and if certain people do what they need to, lives changed forever. I thought that today I'd share a story with you from my early days of PT. Have a great week.
A Deer in the Headlights
Not long after I opened my first Personal Training studio an older lady walked through the front door. It wouldn't be unkind to say that she didn't really look like the 'gym type'; early to mid sixties, morbidly obese and carrying what looked to be her shopping. Not that a gym can't be home to all ages, shapes, sizes and types, but she definitely looked like a deer in the headlights as she tentatively made her way from the door towards me. At 5'2" and 101kgs (222lbs), it's fair to say that Tonia was in need of a physical (and as it turned out, mental and emotional) overhaul. Unnecessarily Large Arms
She walked into the gym around lunch time and I was on my own, lifting weights. So there we were; me and the sixty four year-old (as it turned out), petrified, Italian grandmother who had never set foot in a gym, or been involved in any structured exercise, in her life. Standing there in my singlet with my shaved head, my unnecessarily large arms (those were the days) and some AC-DC pumping, I realised that I was probably scaring the shit out of her; not really my goal as a new business owner trying to build a clientele.
A New Client
So I turned down the noise, put on a shirt, sat her in a chair and did my best to demonstrate that I was much more than a monosyllabic, intimidating beefcake. Within a few minutes, the absolute terror was replaced with mild curiosity and ten minutes later the curiosity had made way for enthusiasm to begin an exercise program. I had a new client; a morbidly obese, hypertensive granny with Type-2 Diabetes! To that point in my career, I had seriously never met a less athletic person in my life (in terms of fitness, co-ordination, strength, balance). But the beauty of working with someone who had zero understanding of exercise and zero experience was that, in terms of her beliefs, knowledge, understanding and expectations (about what was possible for her), I was working with a clean sheet. When I told her that we would complete a five kilometre (three mile) fun run within six months, she had no reason not to believe me. I, on the other hand, wondered if I was completely full of shit.
When she told me that she had never run in her life (even one hundred metres), I believed her. However, she was very excited at the prospect of completing a fun run. Oops. I wondered if I had opened my gob prematurely and possibly over-estimated her potential and my ability as a trainer. In the first four weeks of training we did all the normal things; created an overall plan, modified her diet, addressed her crappy habits, educated her, set some goals and of course, started to run. Now, I know what you're thinking; how far can a morbidly obese, diabetic grandmother run and the answer to your question is... not very far.
Baby Steps
On her first day of running (her debut workout), Tonia and I completed ten, thirty metre jogs in a straight line on soft grass. We'd jog thirty metres (very slowly), rest for a minute or so and then go again. For her, completing those shuttle runs was like running a marathon. She loved her first session and was totally pumped. For an Italian grandmother that is. By the end of week two (she was doing three sessions per week), she completed ten one hundred metre jogs in her session and had lost 4 kgs (8.8lbs); not bad. Of course I could give you a blow by blow account of her progression over the first six months but let's just say that the gorgeous Italian grandmother did incredible things and probably taught me more than I taught her.
The Shrinking Granny
Two days before her sixty fifth birthday and five and a half months after we met, Tonia completed a five kilometre run without stopping!! It wasn't particularly rapid or pretty, but she did it; something she had never even dreamed of doing until months before. Something completely amazing. I ran beside her. By the time the day of the run arrived, Tonia had gone off all medication (with her doctor's consent) and had lost 37 kgs (81.4 lbs). Her 101 kg body had shrunk to a (relatively) svelte 64 kgs (140 lbs). She later lost another 9 kgs and stabilised at 55 kgs (121 lbs). We tried to co-ordinate our running goal with the fun-run calendar here in Melbourne but we couldn't find an event to suit our schedule and time frame for her goal, so we created our own; we did our own personal fun run.
The Agony, the Ecstasy, the Triumph and the Neighbours!
What I didn't tell Tonia was that her daughter had been in contact with me about the run; she wanted to organise a few members of her family to be at the finish line of our 'event' to cheer the uber-athlete over the line. I thought it was thoughtful and supportive of her daughter to organise a few people to be there to cheer the matriarch of the family home after all her hard work over the preceding months. So at eight o'clock on a Sunday morning in the middle of winter, the grandmother and I set off on our epic adventure (it's all relative); a five kilometre loop from her house. After easing into it for a kilometre or so, she slipped into a rhythm (of sorts) and ran like a champ. I won't say she ran the distance effortlessly but all things considered, she ran incredibly well; no stopping and no complaining. As we turned the last corner into her street, I could see a crowd gathered outside Tonia's house. She wasn't wearing her specs so she had no idea what lay ahead. It wasn't until we were about one hundred metres from the finish that she realised that more than fifty people(!) had gathered to celebrate her achievement and cheer her over the line. She crossed the line (the family had made a finishing line from some material) with tears in her eyes and joy on her face; she was crying, her kids were crying, her grand kids were crying and allegedly, I may have shed a tear. Keep it quiet. Nieces, nephews, friends and even neighbours had come out to cheer the considerably lighter, fitter, leaner and healthier Tonia home.
She trained with me for another six months or so and then moved on to do her own thing. And no, she didn't regain the weight. I saw her a few years ago and she was still remarkably fit, healthy and functional, even as a septuagenarian.
So What did the Young Trainer Learn from the Uncoordinated, Unathletic, Obese Grandmother?
1. Bodies can do amazing things when our mind doesn't get in the way.
2. 'Old' is more about our psychology than it is about our physiology.
3. When we find 'a way' rather than find an excuse, change can happen quickly.
4. Creating exceptional results comes from doing exceptional things; what most won't.
5. Success is not about how much potential we have; it's about how much we use.
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