This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!! Enjoy.
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Fattitude
- Craig Harper
While many books focus on food,
Craig teaches that creating life-long change is more about the
dieter, than the actual diet. This book is perfect for people who have a
history of 'almost' getting in shape.
DVD
or CD - Renovate Your Body In this entertaining presentation, Craig discusses the
notion of Renovating Your Body - once and for all. Many of us have a curious
ability to be able to get in shape for events (weddings, parties, reunions
and birthdays), if only we'd get in shape for life.
Craig Harper is Australia's leading
motivational speaker
and educator (according to Google Australia). He is a highly
sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be
a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and
professional development.
Working with hundreds of
teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations
on numerous continents over the last twenty years
has given Craig a unique insight into, and
understanding of, human performance and all its
variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire,
challenge and make people laugh all at the same
time!
Now, before anyone gets offended by the following article, I will point out (for those newer readers who may not know me so well) that it was written with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. Having said that, you will also find plenty of insight, honesty and truth if you look past the sarcasm. Maybe a lesson or two. After you read it, you may want to print it off and pass it on to someone for whom it may be relevant. And then run away.
We Aussies are very good at obesity aren't we? Just take a look around. Yep, we've pretty much mastered the fat thing. Sure we have plenty of worthy competitors in the International Obesity Olympics, but we are rapidly climbing towards that gold medal position on that industrial strength medal podium. Go us. Sure our fat American and British friends have achieved some spectacular results with their own gigantic bodies, but when we Australians set our mind to something, watch out. We have the fastest growing rate of obesity of any country in the world. Who said we're not high-achievers? Or should I say, fat-achievers. Being that there are so many of us who seem determined to embrace obesity as a lifestyle option, and keeping in mind that I've spent decades working with the obese (including my fat self), I thought it might be appropriate for me to write an instructional of sorts for all those wanna-be fatties; the Fat Warriors. Okay, pens poised, learning caps on.
A Lesson in Obesity:
1. Start early. If you want to create a huge adult, it's important to start early by creating a huge kid. Bribing, rewarding and pacifying your children with food is always a very effective strategy for building a big, fat family. As much as possible, expose those little tackers to fast food early on so that an emotional connection is made before they can understand what's happening to their arteries. Eat at shopping centres as much as possible and get them addicted to sugar before their second birthday. Also ensure that they have pictures of Ronald McDonald in their room and that they celebrate every birthday at the Golden Arches.
2. Be paranoid and neurotic about your kids playing sport. We all know that exercise is a high-risk activity for children and as a rule, should be avoided. There's the ever-present danger of injury and of course, we wouldn't want to put our kids in harm's way; we all know how many kids die each day playing chasey in the school yard. Thousands. Fortunately for us, many Australian schools seem determined to drop sport from their curriculums in the near future so this should help the obesity cause along nicely. Keep in mind that every wanna-be fat kid should have a television and a computer in their bedroom, so as not to be tempted into some kind of physical activity by some of their thinner (wayward) friends. Of course things like skateboards and bikes are a definite no-no for the wanna-be fatty; far too dangerous and expend way too many calories.
3. Ignore the signals. Our body has an annoying ability to send us a message that says "hey, you've had enough food, stop eating now". What a pain in the ass that can be. When obesity is your mission, this signal can be something of an inconvenience. Fortunately for us, we have an over-ride switch in our brain and with discipline and focus we can flick that switch, ignore those physical signals and keep eating way more than we physically need. With training, we can learn to ignore those 'full' feelings with little or no effort. If you want to stand out in the obesity Olympics, then being able to eat through that mild discomfort is paramount. When you think you can't eat any more, stop for a second, remember your goal, visualise your fattest self, unbutton your pants and keep going. You can do it.
4. Don't use logic. Some of the do-gooder, anti-fat brigade will do their best to sabotage your obesity mission by trying to bring logic and common sense into the picture. Dirty tactics I say. They may even try to convince you that how you eat is destructive and will shorten your life span. Ignore their research, their stats and their alleged good intentions; they clearly don't understand the joy of food and they are simply trying to make your life miserable. As much as possible, turn the tables and criticise them for something. Preferably, a physical feature. Their nose perhaps. Be emotional, be reactive, turn nasty if you need to, but don't let yourself get involved in a logical discussion with them. That's how weight loss always starts. That's their plan to woo you away from obesity. It's evil. They're evil.
5. Preserve energy at all costs. Calorie expenditure is the natural enemy of the Fat Warrior. If you have to move, do it slowly and infrequently but keep in mind that your preferred positions are lying and sitting. Fortunately many Australians now spend between twenty two and twenty three hours per day in those two positions, so we're well on our way.
6. Lie. Telling the truth about your eating and exercise habits will only draw criticism and engage you in discussions that you don't want to have, so lying is always your best option. Not everyone will understand the mission of the Fat Warrior so you need to be cunning like a fox. A fat fox. Some of history's most successful people have been incredible liars. "I did not have sex with that woman." Honesty only gets in the way of potential. Avoid it. The totally committed and delusional liar will fib to everyone, even themselves.
7. Hypochondria. It's always a good idea for the Fat Warrior to create a fictitious medical condition or injury that will (1) genetically pre-dispose them to obesity - always great to be able to say it's a genetic thing, and (2) preclude them from any form of sport or physical activity; "I'd love to play tennis with you Sally but I ruptured my AdductorLongus muscle at speed skating practice last Tuesday." The professional hypochondriac should carry an asthma pump, a crutch, a sling, a neck brace and a medical dictionary in their bag of tricks.
8. Ignorance. Education is another notable adversary of the Fat Warrior. They don't say that ignorance is bliss for no reason. Fortunately, the current overload of obesity-related education seems to be having no impact whatsoever; we're still getting fatter by the day. Phew.
9. Join a gym but actually don't go. Eighty five percent of Aussies have mastered this skill. That's right; only fifteen percent of current gym members in Australia actually work out at the gym that they are a member of and many people actually see out less than six weeks of their twelve month membership! For the Fat Warrior it's always handy to be able to say "Yeah, I have a gym membership at....". Always have your gym membership card handy for proof.
10. Finger pointing. A True Fat Warrior must be an expert at avoiding responsibility and to be frank, making shit up (see point six). The only game they should typically play is the blame game and fortunately, that burns very few calories. However, it can get the most hard-core, goody-two-shoes, health freak off your back for at least a day or so. Two very important weapons in the Fat Warrior's arsenal are the excuse and the allegation. Always be ready to rationalise, justify, explain, deny and blame. And remember, your best defense is always attack.
Well, I hope that little slice of inspiration helps.
One way or another.
If you have any tips for getting fat and staying that way, feel free to add to the discussion or just click on the comment thingy and say hi.
Hello Groovers and Rock Stars (take your pick), hope you're having a great week and doing what most won't, to create what most won't. I apologise for the lack of articles this week but time in front of my computer has been kept to a minimum with lots of grown-up stuff like corporate gigs, RYL workshops, business meetings, radio and far too much car and plane travel. It's so tough being an adult. Sigh. No personal development down-load for you today but I thought I would share what's going on, or coming up, at me-dot-com.
Two-Day (live-in) Renovate Your Life Program...
After much discussion and a bunch of requests, the bald bloke and I have decided that we will run our first two-day RYL Program in the first half of next year... probably somewhere around March-April and probably at a coastal location here in Victoria. We will finalise the venue and dates in the next four weeks and post that information on the site as soon as we have it. The overwhelming feedback from our half day RYL program is that people want a much longer version. Well, two days is much longer. Although I have run many live-in programs over the years, I have never facilitated this particular program and I am very excited about it. Very. It will be a mix of the theoretical and the practical, and it will be inspirational, motivational, educational, confrontational and of course, big fun. It will also be life-changing... if you bring your best attitude. We will not be running the program from a five star resort because our goal is to make it affordable and accessible to as many people as possible. It will run from a Friday night to Sunday night and will be all-inclusive; meals, accommodation, program. Stay tuned.
My New Nutrition Bloke
I have a new man in my life. His name is Adam Sacks and he's my new Director of Nutrition. He's young, smart, passionate, annoyingly good looking and great at making the foodthing less confusing, more practical and more productive. So if you're sick of smashing your head against that nutritional brick wall, Adam might just be your go-to guy. You can see what he's all about by clicking on this link Nutrition Melbourne. Welcome aboard Pretty Boy.
Biological Age Testing
Want to know how 'old' your body is? For those of you based in Melbourne who would like to know how your biological age compares with your chronological age, we are now offering Biological Age Testing at my Brighton centre. You can find out more by clicking on this link Biological Age Testing - Melbourne.
Day in the Life of Me... Article.
It's on it's way. Sorry for the delay. I don't think my life is particularly interesting but some people do. I will be putting up a day-in-the-life post in the next week.
Melbourne RYL
...is happening this Sunday. This will be the last RYL Program run in Australia for the next six months (or so). So if you're interested and don't live in Iceland, you might wanna come along.
Lots of Speaking
Over the next four weeks I have about twenty speaking gigs, so excuse me if my writing output is down a little over the next month. October, November is a busy corporate conference time here in the Land Down Under. Yesterday I did a gig at Crown Casino in Melbourne for the good folk from ABMVSS. Three hundred people... and about two hundred and ninety of them were women; talk about estrogen overload! There was much laughing, a lot of silly-ness and a little learning. They were a great group. Today (writing this Tuesday night) I had a chat with the boys from Programmed Maintenance Services down there in the beautiful sleepy hollow of Red Hill. Unlike yesterday, there was a little more body-hair and way more testicles; the entire audience was blokes!
Live Webinars Series...
Mr Tech-head (Johnny) is currently working through all the tech and practical stuff to allow us to run a series of live webinars (no, I didn't make that name up) here on me-dot-com. We will be running the first series early next year. It will come in the form of ten, weekly, one-hour live teaching sessions facilitated by the ex-fat kid. It's all a little confusing for me (the tech stuff) but when it's sorted, I'll let you know how and when you can come to my classroom without even leaving your home. Such fun.
RYL DVD and CD (wow that's a lot of acronyms!)
We get many emails from people who are disappointed because (for a range of reasons) they couldn't make it to any of our RYL workshops around the country. Well, we are currently in the process of producing a DVD and CD series of RYL (filmed on our current tour). It takes a while to edit and produce but we should have it done and dusted early in the new year.
We all want to build a better version of us, don't we? That's why we come to (cyber) places like this; because we want to create the New and Improved... us. Do you ever close your eyes and picture what the new and improved you looks like, sounds like, thinks like, reacts like, communicates like, works like, lives like? In your mind's eye, do you have a clear image of your best life? Your best body? Best career? Best business? Best relationship? Best health? When you close your eyes and see the you, that you want to become, what is it that's different about future you? What's different about your best life compared with the one you're living right now? The sooner we start to make those things a reality inside our head, the sooner they will become a reality in our physical world. For the most part, external change is preceded by, or at the very least, accompanied by, internal change; a shift in our thinking, reasoning, processing, reacting, deciding.
Affirmations on the Mirror
It will come as no shock to my regular readers to learn that I've never really been the bloke who sticks the positive affirmations up on the mirror or recites the personal empowerment mantras every morning; "I am powerful, I am successful, I am a winner". Nope, not me. Nothing wrong with the practice of course... but it's just not me. Neither have I been the one to sit cross-legged and meditate on the edge of a cliff in a kaftan and I've never really been patient enough to spend an hour each day visualising peaceful, calm, happy, fulfilled, successful Craig. While I was never opposed to the whole affirmation, meditation, visualisation vibe, it was just never an area of personal growth that I gravitated towards or really explored.
Or so I thought.
I Have a Process?
The other day someone asked me how I practically turn my dreams, ideas and intentions into realities; what my process was. My process? Hmm, do I even have a process for transforming the theoretical into the practical; the thought into the thing? When I actually sat down to figure out how I have managed to turn my internal theories, ideas and dreams into external, physical, living, breathing realities in my three-dimensional world, I realised that in my own way I have actually been affirming, meditating and visualising for years; perhaps not in the way most people would expect, but I had been doing it nonetheless. Craig the visualiser... weird.
Craig the Meditation Dude... weirder.
Starting Early
Since I was young I have always had an ability to see myself doing something before it became a literal, practical reality in my physical world. Even as a little fat kid I was always dreaming, planning, thinking and creating new realities and outcomes in my head; kind of like visualisation. Okay, exactly like visualisation. And I don't just mean childish day-dreaming, I mean mentally picturing, planning and preparing for positive change. Even before I had any awareness or understanding of behavioural psychology or personal development, I was already creating a better version of me in my teenage head. Before I lost 30 kgs (66 lbs) and before I had been remotely fit, I had actually seen my athletic self thousands of times in my mind. The interesting thing was that the physical leaner, lighter me looked exactly like the theoreticalme I had seen in my head.
Living in Our Head
You've heard me say many times that we inhabit a physical three-dimensional world but we do most of our living in our head; our non-physical world. In many ways our internal world is more real than our external world because it affects us more; it determines what we do, say, think and create. To a large extent what we create in our head, will also be manifested in our physical world. If there's internal chaos (between our ears), then there will be external chaos in our physical world; our body, our job, our finances, our relationships.
The Truth. Kind of.
When people ask, I always tell them that I opened my first commercial Personal Training centre (the first one in Australia) in 1990. And that's true. Kind of. Truth as we understand it anyway. But my truth is that I actually opened my first centre in 1987, 1988 and 1989. You see, by the time I opened the physical business, Harper's (my company) had already been operating in my head for three years. By the time the physical doors opened, I knew exactly what every square inch of that place would look like; colors, equipment, furniture, layout, carpet, mirrors, sound system, TVs, offices, signage, change rooms, uniforms... all of it. That business had become so real in my head, that turning the theoretical into the practical was a relatively easy transition, even for the first-time business owner. I had lived in that place for so long that bringing it out of my head was a natural progression. By the time I trained my first client in that place, I was an old hand because I had trained hundreds of clients in my internal gym.
The Dream Becomes a Reality
For most of us, the visualisation journey starts with a thought, an idea or a dream. And when we take that thought, idea or dream, inject it with some excitement, enthusiasm and passion, and then wrap it up in some logic, strategy and planning, the visualisation process has begun. For some people, visualisation is merely picturing themselves at the finish line; where they want to be eventually. For me it has always been mentally going through the entire process from start to finish; doing it all in my head first. I visualise myself doing everything that I need to do, to make that dream a reality.
As Napoleon Hill said, "if you can conceive it, you can achieve it."
If you're struggling to create amazing results in your (physical) world, then perhaps you should create them in your head first... works for me.
So apparently I'm human and need sleep after all. Who'da thought? I intended to write an article last night but my mind and my body were in disagreement. My eyelids had other plans. We had fun with our RYL group in Sydney yesterday and next weekend we will wrap up our national tour with our last workshop here in Melbourne.
For the second week in a row, I was on a plane where a bloke refused to get off his phone when asked by the flight crew. We were about one minute from take-off when the rocket scientist two rows in front of Johnny and I decided that he should be the exception to the no phone rule - the exact same thing happened to me flying out of Darwin last week. The passenger (dickhead) was quite adamant (aggressive, rude, obnoxious) that his phone would not interfere with the electronics of the plane and he refused to comply with the requests of the staff. He then proceeded to delight us all (including the kids) with some of his most colorful language. Moron. So for the second week in a row, the plane was stopped, turned around and taken back to the terminal for the dickhead to be escorted away by the cops. And just like last time, all three hundred(ish) of us passengers had to spend an hour on the runway waiting for the ground crew to retrieve the idiot's bag and to then taxi back out for take-off. I don't really understand the logic that says "let's delay three hundred people for another thirty minutes, while we find one idiot's luggage." Who made that the rule? When I'm the boss of the world, I'll change that. Perhaps inconvenience one rude idiot (by not retrieving his bag) instead of three hundred compliant passengers... just a thought Virgin Blue.
So, sorry to leave you article-less for the start of the week; you'll have to get motivated all by yourselves today! Enjoy your Monday Groovers, be the change, do something spectacular and I'll be back tomorrow to share the love....
G'day Kids. So this study on beliefs has turned into something of an epic. Let's look at a snapshot of what we've covered so far in parts one and two...
1. We're all largely driven, motivated, limited, empowered and controlled by our beliefs; this can be both good and bad. 2. We have positive, negative and incidental beliefs.
3. Beliefs typically form over a long period of time. From the day we are born that computer on top of our shoulders is being programmed.
4. They often develop with no real effort, input or awareness on our part. We rarely make conscious decisions about them; they take root in spite of us.
5. They are the result of our influences and our experiences.
6. We know that in certain situations and circumstances (home, work, clubs, church, politics), there exists a level of pressure to align our beliefs and thinking with the majority in order to be accepted, valued and respected as part of that group.
7. Having different beliefs to the majority (in your immediate world), or changing your beliefs won't always be well received. In fact, it will often be resisted and strongly discouraged.
8. Quite often we adopt the beliefs of others. We grow into the thinking of our parents, teachers, preachers, bosses. We don't explore or discover our own truth, we simply make theirs.. ours.
9. I like the idea of being part of a group where identical beliefs and consensual thinking is not a pre-requisite for membership. Or acceptance. Or respect. That kind of group appeals to me.
10. We should re-examine, question and test our beliefs to determine whether they empower us or limit us.
11. Just because you've believed something for a long time doesn't mean it's right; it just means you've believed it for a long time!
12. We have an emotional attachment to some beliefs and the thought of letting go of them scares the crap out of us. But sometimes it's in the letting go that we have our eyes opened.
13. In an effort to align our beliefs, thinking and behaviour with the group, we often lose US. We lose our own identity and individuality, waste our potential and live a life of frustration, compromise and under-achievement. We don't become the best US we can, we become what is expected of us; we succumb to the enormity of conformity.
So the smart plan would be to keep the positive beliefs and lose the bad ones.
The time to consider change is when we realise that a particular belief is having some kind of negative impact on our life; our potential, our productivity, our relationships, our possibilities, our career, our family, our physical, mental and emotional health. Changing beliefs is easier said that done, keeping in mind that we are emotional beings who have been thinking, doing and believing a certain way for a very long time. The good news is that change is very possible if we're serious about the process and we're prepared to do the work.
So how do we change our beliefs?
1. De-emotionalise the process. The greater the level of emotional investment we have in a certain belief, the more likely we are to be irrational, defensive and even protective of that belief, no matter how much of a negative it has been in our life. The challenge comes in being brave enough to open our mind and expand our thinking to the possibility that some of our long-held beliefs may be wr..wr...wr...ong! Scary I know. Deep breaths, you'll be okay. A good question to ask ourselves is "what do I believe?", but the better question is "why do I believe that?" When we discover the 'why' then we will find it easier to change the 'what'.
2. Do what scares you(of course we need to wrap some logic and common sense around this piece of advice; I'm not suggesting we throw ourselves of a cliff because we're scared of heights). Working through challenges that force us to confront and deal with our fears is one of the most effective ways to change the way we think, believe, behave and produce in our world. Most of our limiting beliefs are about US (what we can, can't, should, shouldn't do, be, create, achieve), so when we confront, rather than avoid the things that scare us, we typically experience an instant shift in our thinking. When you do something that you believed wasn't possible for you (running a marathon, holding a snake, completing some study, standing up for yourself, speaking in public), not only do you experience a shift in your thinking about that particular achievement, but you also start to question other self-imposed limitations. "Wow, if I can do that, what else can I do?" When people run their first marathon, the biggest shift is usually in their psychology not their physiology. It's like they open a door to a world of possibilities. That potential (to do amazing) was always there but it took an experience (facing and overcoming a fear) to open that mental and emotional door which had been locked shut for far too long.
3. Hang out with different people. Hang out with negative, paranoid, miserable, fearful, excuse-making, under-achievers... and pretty soon you'll be just like them! Who we hang out with doesn't determine who we become but it sure does influence us. As much as possible, spend time with people who you admire, respect and trust; people who will empower you, not handicap you.
4. Expose yourself to different environments, cultures, ideas, thinking. Some of us have lived in our little boxes for so long that we think the world starts and finishes at our doorstep. Spend time talking to people you would normally avoid or people you might consider yourself to have nothing in common with. They will teach you something. Travel, explore, see different things, do different things. Occasionally expose yourself to things that are 'not you'. Consciously and proactively set yourself to learn new things. I recently had a conversation with someone who was being very critical of a particular religious group that exists here in Australia (and many other countries). When I asked him which parts of their theology, philosophy and doctrine he disagreed with, he looked at me blankly. The truth was he that he was criticising something that he knew nothing about. He'd never read any of their religious texts, never had a (meaningful) conversation with anyone of that faith, never been to a service and never even considered that the group he was criticising could possibly teach him anything or be a 'viable' (for want of a better term) religious option. After a little probing, I learned that he had simply adopted his ignorant, arrogant beliefs from his equally uneducated, opinionated and intolerant father.
5. Think for yourself. Stop trying to fit in, and start being you. Don't be a sheep. Question the way you think, behave and believe right now. Explore where those beliefs came from and identify them as a positive or negative in your life. Don't adopt someone else's beliefs because you like that person, make those beliefs your own when you've questioned them, explored them, tested them and discovered them to be true.
6. Work hard to over-ride your default setting. Sometimes there's a tendency for us to feel (yep, it's an emotional thing) that our old, destructive beliefs are somehow more real than the new ones we're trying to install into our hard-drive. Yep, it's only a feeling but it can become a reality when we let it happen. If you're like most people then you will have regular battles between emotionalyou - the one with the unhealthy emotional attachment to those old beliefs, behaviours and habits - and logicalyou - the one who understands what you can do and become and is prepared to do what's necessary. Replacing your old destructive beliefs with new empowering ones will be an on-going (life-long) process. This means being more aware and conscious of your beliefs and how they impact on you in the moment. Right now. Not in theory but in practice. Sometimes that will mean consciously over-riding an urge to conform to a pre-existing belief (way of thinking, doing, being, reacting, communicating), in order to create better results in your world. And as always, in order to create different, you need to do different.
Now, all you need to do is take this theory... and apply it. See you Sydney-Siders this Sunday at RYL... yippeee!!!
So my article about the four-legged Ugg boot seemed to push a few buttons and generate plenty of discussion, feedback and advice for the Blogger. While it was meant to be a silly, fun piece of literary fluff and a momentary distraction from the importantbusiness of personal development, it proved to be something more. Some of you seem to revel in my pain, discomfort, sleep deprivation and learning. And of course, my joy.
So Craig, How's Marly?
For the those of you who don't know about the moulting, shitting, barking, licking, drooling beast that's staying at my house for two weeks, you can learn more about her here. I didn't actually intend to write about Marly again but I have had many emails and countless enquiries from people at my workshops and at the gym about my hairy house-guest. In Queensland last Sunday I had a constant stream of questions about who was minding her while I was away, and how she's enjoying her time at the House of Harper.
What Carpet?
You'll be amused to learn that my house now looks like some kind of war zone, is an inch deep in hair, smells like a big wet dog and has probably plummeted in value by twenty five percent in the last week and a half. Here's what (temporary) dog ownership has taught me so far:
1. A Golden Retriever will halve your productivity but double your happiness.
2. Worrying about the hair doesn't get rid of it. 3. Apparently 5.30am is the ideal time for tug-of-war with the stinky rope.
4. The previously-mentioned 4am wee is clockwork.
5. The vacuum is the natural enemy of the Golden Retriever.
6. Dogs can go from being in a coma to barking uncontrollably (and scaring the shit out of an unsuspecting blogger) in 0.07 seconds.
7. If it's edible or looks edible, it will be eaten.
8.That whole crapping thing? It doesn't stop. It's alright though because I've identified the problem; food. She's now eaten her last meal.That should do it.
9. Never try to pat a dog while wearing a motorcycle helmet.
10. I could be a Golden Retriever except for the ass-sniffing thing.
Right, we're off to the special dog park. To see the ugly dogs.
See you next time with the conclusion to my series on Beliefs.
Growing up in a Catholic home which was regularly frequented by Nuns and Priests (friends of my folks), attending only Catholic schools, being taught about life (God, religion, marriage, relationships, sex, good, bad, right, wrong) exclusively from a Catholic perspective, hanging out with my Catholic friends and only ever seeing the inside of a Catholic church, I was probably never gonna be a Buddhist by my fifteenth birthday. Or even a Baptist or Anglican for that matter. My upbringing, my environment and my education taught me that I was born into the onetruechurch. Whatever that means. As a teenager, I honestly felt sorry for all those non-Catholics who were going to hell; the ones in the fake churches. Whatever that means. After all, we had the Pope on our team; God's personal representative on planet earth and a direct successor to good old Saint Peter - the first Pope. Apparently. How could I possibly go wrong? Fortunately for me, I had somehow stumbled on to the right team. What are the chances? All those religions and I was born into the only one that has a hot-line to God and an old bloke in the Vatican with a big hat and his finger on the eternal pulse. And of course, the only religion that could get me to heaven. Talk about luck. Or Karma. Oops, we don't mention Karma do we? That's the other team.
Sister Mary Patricia
Here's a sentence I was never gonna hear from the Nuns in my religious education classes at school; "Okay students, we've decided to provide you all with an extensive overview of the core theology, philosophy and teaching of all the major religions of the world, then we'll leave it up to you to explore the 'God thing' in your own way and see where you land; it's important that you find your own truth, listen to your own heart and develop your own religious and spiritual beliefs and understanding."
Nope, there was never gonna be a bar mitzvah for me.
No Hat Here
Now, before you think I'm getting my anti-Catholic hat on, I'm not. I don't have one. I loved (most of) my childhood, my Catholic friends, my education and I was taught and mentored by some fantastic Nuns and Priests. And of course I love my (very) Catholic parents. What I am talking about is social, emotional and religious conditioning (in any system, organisation or religion) that tells me what to think, do and believe and doesn't encourage me or allow me to explore and discover my own truth beyond the walls of that system. In fact, it discourages my exploration and free thinking by being critical of groups and individuals who think, believe and behave differently. And when I start to question the system or parts thereof, I am ridiculed and criticised. Possibly labelled rebellious, misguided and troublesome. The only reason I'm even talking about my Catholic upbringing is because that's the only childhood I have. That's my reference point. My experience. My story. I could just as easily be talking about any system that requires people to think, behave and believe a certain way in order to be a 'member'. "If you don't align with our doctrine, theology, thinking and rules then you can't be part of our group; that is, you must believe what we believe. You won't develop your own spiritual and religious beliefs, we will tell you what you can and can't believe."
It's in Our DNA
In reality, we are all constantly being programmed (taught, influenced, impacted, shaped) by our world and everything and everyone in it. Our beliefs are always being moulded and manipulated (for better or worse) without us even being aware of it. Most of our beliefs are formed over a long period of time, which is why they become such a firmly entrenched (non-negotiable) part of our DNA. Our mental and emotional DNA anyway. And that lifetime of being taught a certain message and philosophy is what makes it very hard for us to consider another truth. Different beliefs. In considering something else (another version, option, way of living, thinking, seeing, believing) we often need to question what we've believed for ever and that makes us very uncomfortable. Scared even. I've worked with people who get angry when I even question what they believe. And I'm not talking about criticizing their beliefs, I'm talking about asking logical, thoughtful, intelligent questions. They won't even consider that their beliefs may be wrong; it's too traumatic, too painful and too uncomfortable. They've based an entire life around some of those beliefs, so who (the f***) am I to suggest anything else?! They make it impossible for themselves to learn anything new. And did I mention the anger?
The Pressure to Conform
The pressure to conform (think, talk, act, believe a certain way) exists in all areas of the human experience way beyond the religious arena; schools, homes, workplaces, sporting clubs, political parties, gangs... anywhere that people gather. Even in Cyberspace (on-line).
The Brain Hijacker
Am I saying that our own beliefs shouldn't align with a larger group? No, absolutely not. What I am saying is that we need to discover our own truth, learn our own lessons and determine our own beliefs and then if our core beliefs happen to align with a group that we want to be a part of, so be it. But don't let someone else hijack your brain, your potential or your free will because you want acceptance in to their group. To conform is to compromise.
I like the idea of being part of a group where identical beliefs and consensual thinking is not a pre-requisite for membership. Or acceptance. Or respect. That kind of group appeals to me. I think I might start one. Hang on, I have. And you're part of it. You got that membership card right?
It Ain't a Cult Here at me-dot-com
By the way, I don't want conformity in my group here at me-dot-com; I want thoughtful consideration of what I teach. I want you to consider what I write, explore it for yourself and see if it seems like 'truth' for you. Don't accept what I write because you respect me; I may be wrong. You and I can respect each together without agreeing on every topic. Accept what I write when you know it to be real, valid, meaningful and relevant for you. If what I write feels right for you, it probably is. If it feels wrong for you, it probably is. I can teach you and motivate you (for a minute), but only you should determine your beliefs and only you can change your life. I'm not the answer for anyone; I'm a resource. The answer you're looking for is in the mirror. Always has been.
Next time, in part three of this very long post I'm going to talk about:
1. When should we change/ question our beliefs. 2. How we can change our (negative) beliefs. 3. How our beliefs get in the way of our potential (and what to do about it).
Let me know your thoughts on this topic. You know the drill.
Hi Groovers. Very busy over the last few days. Just got back from Brisbane a few hours ago (writing this Sunday night) and had a bunch of RYL fun this afternoon with a fantastic group of people at one of the coolest venues I've ever spoken at; The Brisbane Power House. A consequence of my busy-ness is that part two of the 'Beliefs' post is a day (or two) away. It will definitely be up this week, so keep an eye out (another weird saying) for it. In the mean time, here's a little thought provoking article to kick off your week. Enjoy your Monday.
Where Do You Live?
Do you live in a town? A house? A body? Or perhaps you live in your identity? Maybe 'Physical You' isn't who you are, but merely where you live at the moment. Perhaps your physical experience is just a brief part of a much bigger journey. Or maybe not. I don't know. Just thinking out loud. As I do. Maybe where you really live is in your thoughts, your emotions, your beliefs, your values, your experiences, your hopes, your dreams? Or perhaps your fears?
Real You
Are you a body? An emotional being? A mind? A spirit? Or are you the sum of your many amazing parts? What if I want to get to know you? Real you. Not the public version of you. Not the 'You Show'; the one you turn on and off for the world. No, how can I encounter the you that nobody sees? That's who I want to connect with. Where will I find that person? What would it take for me to meet that version of you? Invisibility perhaps? Who would I meet if I could inhabit your mind for a day? If I could share your thoughts or if I could feel what you feel? Who would I discover and what would I learn if I could look at the world through your eyes? What if I could walk in your shoes? Share your experiences? What could you teach me if I truly knew you? Understood you? Connected with you?
The 'You Show'
Some people think they have known you for years, but in truth, they don't know you at all. They've never really met you. Have they? They've had many conversations with the 'You Show' but they've never actually talked with you; the real you that hides behind the actor. You've been playing a role for so long that sometimes it's hard to find your way back to your authentic self. You've spent so much time pleasing others (trying anyway) that in the process you've made yourself miserable.
You won't let people meet 'Real You' because it seems like a high-risk exercise and you don't like risk. You like safety, predictability, certainty and acceptance, so you do (act, perform) what you need to, to tick all the boxes and fit in. In the past, fitting in has been important to you. Too important. And the cost of all that fitting in (no matter what), has been losing you. The real danger being that one day you will wake up and you won't remember what the real you looks, sounds, behaves or feels like. Maybe that day has come already.
Looks Like You but Isn't
You don't want to be rejected, judged or hurt. So you continue to play that role; the 'You' role. You give others what you think they want, need and expect from you. The thought of complete honesty and transparency scares you. You hate confrontation, so you compromise. The peace-maker. The people-pleaser. The compromiser. Transparency makes you feel vulnerable. On some level you fear people won't accept, like, understand or love the real you, so you continue to manufacture the public version. Looks just like you, but isn't.
What You're Not
And it's only when we peel back everything that isn't you - your career, your business, your title, your qualifications, your reputation, your responsibilities, your property, your physical beauty, your body, your achievements - that we actually get to meet you; Real You. That's who I want to meet.
You might wanna get comfortable for this post. It's long. And deep. Perhaps grab yourself a cup of tea or coffee. You also might wanna clear your mind and eliminate any distractions for ten minutes. Do your very best to read and consider this article from a perspective of absolute objectivity. All the truth and wisdom in the world is of no value, if we're not open to the idea of exploring different things, or perhaps seeing old things in a new way.
Where do Our Beliefs Come From?
Have you ever wondered why you believe what you believe? Have you ever considered where your beliefs came from? How they got there? Was it an intentional process? Did you embrace those beliefs consciously or did you just wake up one day and there they were; curiously stuck inside your head? Possibly with a big "do not remove" sign on them. Do you ever question them? Doubt them? Resent them? Are you even aware of them, or do they exist independent of your conscious self? Did you intentionally choose them? Did you learn them via your experiences? Did you adopt them from someone that you respect and trust? Or perhaps you had them rammed down your throat by an authority figure somewhere in your past? Do your current beliefs propel you towards greatness or do they keep you trapped in mediocrity, monotony and misery? Do they serve you, or do you serve them? Who's really running the show?
Under-Achievement Central
Do they help you achieve your dreams and goals, or do they keep you in your own private mental and emotional prison? Do they enable you to explore your potential and do amazing, or do they keep you in your safe, familiar, predictable little box (Under-Achievement Central)? Do they help you see things clearly and objectively, or do they predispose you to looking at the world through a very (very) small window? Are your beliefs flexible and subject to change depending on your experiences and your life lessons? Or are they set in stone? Do you determine them, or do they determine you?
But What if it Ain't True?
Have you ever thought about living your life with a different set of beliefs? Have you ever considered the possibility that perhaps some of your life-long, firmly-entrenched, non-negotiable beliefs... could be completely wrong? May even be the very things that have caused you to inhabit an existence that you don't enjoy? Does it make you uncomfortable to consider the possibility of having to completely change the way you think and believe about certain things in your world?
"Our ability to effectively change a belief, will be largely determined by our level of emotional investment in that particular belief."
In other words, there are certain beliefs that we desperately want to be true and when we're presented with information, ideas and/or situations which challenge or contradict those beliefs, then we will typically react negatively and possibly, irrationally. Of course you don't want to believe that Dear Old Dad has been having an affair for the last five years, after all he's YourDad; the poster boy for morality, stability, integrity and family values. You know (believe) he would never do anything like that, yet now you're presented with a situation that throws your stable, predictable and comfortable internal world (your mind) into turmoil. It completely messes with your belief system. You've just walked in on Dear Old Dad kissing Mrs Granger from over the fence in a non-neighbourly manner. Your non-negotiable belief (that Dad is the high-watermark for moral behaviour) has been smashed in the face with reality. You feel sick, repulsed, hurt and betrayed because something you've believed for so long has just been ripped out from under your feet. One of your core beliefs (that Dad is an honest, reliable and moral man) has been shattered. Even though you see it with your own eyes, on some level you can't believe it. It doesn't match the reality in your head. You frantically try and reconcile what you're seeing with your belief about your Father. You desperately try to create a scenario in your head which will keep your core belief in tact and allow you to stay in your delusion. "I'm hallucinating. I'm drunk. I'm imagining things. I must have mis-interpreted the situation." Yep, that's right Junior; Mrs. Granger has hijacked your Father's lips against his will.
Is Religion an Emotional or a Spiritual Thing?
Religion is a great example of being emotionally invested in a set of beliefs. While most people would consider religion to be an essentially spiritual thing, I would suggest that more often than not it's also largely an emotional thing. For some, it's an entirely emotional thing. You and I both know people who have been going to church (synagogue, temple, etc.) for years, with little or no spiritual understanding or awareness. Their 'religion' is based on a bunch of emotions (guilt, fear, anger) and rules that need to be complied with (that's what their beliefs tell them anyway). People who have life-long religious beliefs typically won't even consider that perhaps there's something else. Option B. They have too many years and too much emotion invested, to even entertain the notion that they could possibly be misguided, misinformed or even completely wrong in their thinking.
What do You Believe about that Whole Messiah Thing?
Let's take Jesus for example; either he was the Son of God... or he wasn't. I can't really see the Jewish and the Christian communities getting together any time soon for an informal, open-minded chat on the matter. "Hey what do you guys think about that whole Messiah thing?" Nup, not gonna happen. Both religions know that they're right, so it's not up for discussion. Their beliefs are non-negotiable. Let's be honest, I wasn't there, you weren't there, none of us were. We don't actually know, we just believe. If we categorically knew that Jesus was the son of God, then we wouldn't need faith because we would have indisputable knowledge, and faith is all about believing in something that we can't prove. With me?
A Different Truth
He may have been the Messiah, he may have been a gifted prophet, or he may have simply been a great bloke. I don't know, but I do know that just by writing this paragraph I will alienate and offend some people because their level of emotional investment in their religious beliefs won't even allow them to consider something different. Some people will get angry, disappointed, resentful and even hurt; all emotional reactions to a logical discussion and some reasonable questions. But we feel like guilty betrayers (more emotion) if we even dare to consider another truth, or sneak a peek over the spiritual fence. So we cut ourselves off to the possibility of learning something different or new. By the way, this is not an article about spiritual exploration, I'm simply using the religious example because most of us can relate in some way.
There are things we know to be true (the sky is blue) and there are things we want to be true (my partner would never cheat on me). When we've believed something for a long time, we have (knowingly or not) an emotional attachment to that belief. That belief is familiar, comfortable and safe for us; three things we enjoy. It gives us a level of predictability and certainty. It could be said that "who and what we are, is because of what we believe"; our beliefs shape us. For some anyway. For others it could be said that "who and what we believe is because of who we are"; we shape our beliefs. For far too many people, their life simply becomes a process of conforming to pre-existing (often negative and destructive) beliefs. Kind of like living out a pre-determined script for our life. Which is why many people become clones of their parents.
So Where do our Beliefs Come From?
1. Our influences. From the moment we're born, we are constantly being bombarded with information from a myriad of sources. Our beliefs are often heavily influenced, if not shaped, by the people in our world - especially those closest to us. Those we love and respect the most. Or perhaps just those we spend the most time with. Both our conscious and our unconscious minds are continually absorbing, interpreting, filtering and processing information. Much of what you and I absorb in a typical day happens without our conscious awareness; it happens despite us. From infancy, our parents, our siblings, our friends, our teachers, our heroes, the TV we watch, the music we listen to, the books we read, the places of worship we attend and in 2008, even the websites we frequent, have been influencing us to think, behave and believe a certain way. If you grew up in a situation or environment which taught you that education and academic excellence is paramount, then there's a fair chance you'll demand that your kids finish school and go to college.
2. Our experiences. What happens to us, teaches us. Some of us see ourselves as poor students when we're actually not. We all have an amazing capacity to learn (we do it constantly) but most of our learning happens unconsciously and unintentionally. Sadly, not all of our 'lessons' empower us or put us in a better place. Some of our lessons teach us that we're stupid, ugly, undesirable and incapable. Some experiences are the basis for many of our disempowering (or totally debilitating) beliefs. For many of us to move forward and into a better place (mentally, emotionally, physically, practically), we need to unlearn much of what we've made 'truth' in our world. That is, we need to change our beliefs. We'll talk about how to do that in part two.
Different Types of Beliefs
Types of beliefs have been classified in various ways by various people over the years, but I'm going to dumb it down and lose the psycho-babble because I'm not nearly as clever as them. For practical reasons I will break beliefs down to three simple categories:
1. Positive Beliefs.These are Beliefs that enable us to stay in a positive, productive, creative and empowered headspace. Beliefs that allow us to explore and fulfil our potential. Beliefs that push us through the discomfort of life, allow us to deal with our fears and to come out the other side stronger, wiser and better equipped. Beliefs that give us the confidence to do what we need to do to create our best life.
2. Negative Beliefs.Obviously, the polar opposite of the positive kind! They will destroy your potential, your happiness, your relationships, your career, your confidence, your mental health and your life... if you let them.
3. Incidental Beliefs.Exactly as they sound; not typically life-shaping or changing, just there. I believe Tasmania is a beautiful place. I believe a Lexus is a better product than a BMW. I believe the sun will come up tomorrow. I believe boxing is one of the most effective cardio workouts. We have thousands (millions perhaps?) of beliefs that just exist somewhere in the recesses of our brain. Mostly they don't live in the conscious realm unless we are required to wheel them out for a particular conversation or situation.
Hi Boys and Girls. I intended to have a new post up for you today but I started writing on a topic that's gonna take quite a lot of time (more than I calculated) and consideration to explore intelligently and comprehensively. And of course I want to produce an article that's meaningful, helpful and practical for you on your journey. The topic is Beliefs. It's a really interesting area of study for any of us looking to maximise our potential, live our dreams and inhabit our best life. It's a subject that's totally relevant for all of us, has a massive impact on the kind of results we produce in our world and I think it will take me at least two or three installments to do it justice. Stay tuned for part one tomorrow.
A Reminder: R.Y.L. in Q.L.D.
Johnny, Miss Bossy and I will be in Brisbane this Sunday for our Queensland Renovate Your Life Workshop for all you Banana-Benders. There are seats still available, so if you're in need of a little inspiration, education, motivation, entertainment, a few chuckles and possibly an ass-kicking, book in and come along. Love to see you there.
3. Today at the beach she found a stinky, horrible, dead fish. Of course she wanted to carry it everywhere with her and wouldn't let it go. The most disgusting thing within five miles and she finds it in eight seconds. Of course she did. Combine that smell with the wet hair (ocean) smell and hands up who wants to get in my car (after she's been in there for the trip home)?
4. I'm still mesmerized by the enormous volume of hair. I think I'm gonna spin it into a weird-ass kind of wool and then produce some Alpaca-type limited edition Marly sweaters.
5. We went to the special dog park today. She's far too pretty for that place. She's like the Elle McPherson of the canine world. The other dog's are jealous. I tried not to make the other owners (of the ugly dogs) feel bad. No I didn't.
6. Some of the other owners try to engage me in dog conversations. I have no idea what they're talking about.
If you've come expecting a life-changing personal development lesson or some thought-provoking philosophy and psychology today, then you best come back tomorrow. Today won't be that day. If you're easily offended or a little precious, you'll definitely wanna come back tomorrow.
Okay, I know I'm always dispensing advice... but today I may need some help. From you. Who said I can't ask for help? What ego?
The Hairy Daughter
So my business partner Mikey has hit the road for two weeks of R and R with his good lady Holly and their gorgeous daughter Jessie. Being a big family trip with infant in tow, there was plenty to pack and a bunch of holiday stuff to squeeze in the cases, but the one thing he didn't take was his other daughter; the hairy one. The one with four legs and mildly offensive breath. The one that chases balls and sticks. The one they left at my house! Her name is Marly, she's a Golden Retriever, she's three and she craps her own body-weight every day. That's gotta be some kind of international canine shitting record right? Let's just say that I won't be lying on my front lawn anytime soon.
Instant Hair
Yep, yesterday Craig the blogger became Craig the dog-sitter. My friends don't think I'll cope. They may be right. They think I'm a little too focused, busy and obsessive about my clean house to manage the mobile hair-shedding machine for a fortnight. You know those hairy rugs that our parents had in the seventies? She's like one of those. A malting version. With feet. When I take a look around my house right now I'd swear she's lost half of her hair since yesterday morning but then when I look at her, she's hairier than ever. Where does it all come from? She should be frickin' bald by now. So should I clean it all up each day, or wait till she goes home and then vacuum and fumigate the whole joint? What's the protocol with this stuff?
Dog Poo Central
In the last thirty six hours Marly and I have taken three trips to the special off-lead dog park. A.K.A. Dog Poo Central. It's a frickin' fecal mine field. Walk at your own peril. Lucky I can levitate and teleport. Those workshops have been handy after all. Yes, pet ownership is indeed a time and energy consuming commitment. And periodically stinky. I have also just learned that dogs can get depressed. I didn't know that. Well perhaps I hadn't really considered it. Yesterday morning her big hairy bottom lip was hanging out. She knew that her nasty human parents had left her behind. I didn't know that dogs could actually look so sad. Neither did I realise how much a dog could reduce my productivity and creative output. How could I possibly blog while she stares at me with those gigantic brown sad eyes, her stupid stick in her mouth and that 'please give me some love' look on her annoyingly cute face? I hate it how she does that. I guess the next two weeks will be a steep learning curve for me.
The snapshot so far...
1. I now smell like a dog. 2. At 4:05 this morning Marly came into my bedroom and put her head on my face. Apparently, dog-speak for "I need a wee". 3. At 4:06 this morning we shared a group wee on the garden bed. I think we bonded. She out-lasted me. For a moment I felt like I was in the mountains. Only for a moment. Too much info?
4. Every time I get in the car, she comes with me. Is that bad?
5. She follows me everywhere. This morning we showered. Well, I showered she watched. Poor thing.
6. I may be falling in love. Who said I have commitment issues?
7. Sometimes she lies on my foot while I'm working. I like it. I'm pathetic aren't I?
And my questions for you dog people (so to speak)...
1. How do I get over the guilt thing when she looks at me like that (when I'm working)? I told her I'm writing about her, she wasn't impressed. She doesn't care. She just wants me to throw her stupid stick or lie on the floor with her. Apparently the blogosphere doesn't rate highly with Golden Retrievers.
2. Do all dogs spread water for a hundred metre radius when they drink?
3. How can they (dogs) go from flat out (running like a maniac) to sleeping in sixty seconds? That's quite the skill.
4. Is there a special breed of non-shitting dog that I don't know about? Why can't dogs be more like cats; discreet, a little private, borderline snobby even? Just with the toilet business anyway.
5. Any dog hair removal tips?
To be honest, any advice will be most welcome. Wish me luck.
Doing what I do, I've heard just about every excuse (explanation, rationalization, justification) in the book. Of course there are legitimate barriers and hurdles that we need to overcome in our quest to create our best life, body, career, business, relationships, health, etc. but what really stands between most people and their goals is usually quite different to what's on their official list of well-used excuses.
Alleged Barriers to Success.
Here's some of the pseudo-reasons why so many people don't achieve their goals. 1. Lack of time. In a country where the average person watches twenty plus hours of TV each week, I don't think time is actually what holds us back. It's an issue... but it's not the reason.
2. Lack of ability. Success is rarely about how much talent we have and mostly about what we do with what we've been given (how we use that ability).
3. Genetics. See point two. Can't change our genetics but we can change what we do with them. Obesity is not about genetics, it's about poor genetic management.
4. Lack of opportunities. While many people are waiting for an opportunity to fall on their head from a great height, successful people are out there creating their own opportunities.
5. Other people. The only person who's gonna stand between where you are now and where you wanna be, is you. Sure some people will get in your way periodically, but they don't ultimately determine success or failure in your world, you do.
6. Bad luck, destiny, fate. Santa, the Easter Bunny, Spiderman.
7. The government. If the government are the reason you're failing, then why are others succeeding? Big, nasty government. They don't always make it easy for you, but they ain't what's stopping you.
8. Fast food companies. They produce it. You choose it. Or not.
9. Lack of motivation. If success was dependent on being permanently motivated, everybody would fail because we all go through peaks and troughs of motivation. People who reach their goals do what they need to do, even when the 'feeling' of motivation ain't there. Motivation is a temporary emotional state.
10. Ignorance. Of course education is an important ingredient in the success recipe, but most of us have enough knowledge, awareness, understanding and intelligence to succeed. We mostly know what to do, but we don't always do what we know. The morbidly obese person doesn't eat cake because of ignorance, he/she eats it because they lack discipline and self-control. And because their biggest driver is short-term pleasure. The instant reward system.
So we know what 'allegedly' holds us back, but what really stands between us and our goals?
1. Poor attitude. For most of us, attitude is the biggest determinant of the kind of results we produce in our world. Our attitude determines what we do, which determines what we create. Many people sabotage their ability with their stinky attitude and their toxic self-talk.
2. Apathy and laziness. Some people just don't wanna do what it takes. Sadly, we are the short-cut society and the quick-fix generation. Results without effort; that's what we want. Good luck with that. 3. Fear. A certain level of fear is normal. Healthy even. Being controlled by fear, not so good. At all.
4. Procrastination. Always about to start something amazing. Sure. For too many of us it's always soon, never now. Your life is not a dress-rehearsal for the real thing.
5. Poor planning. Knowing where you wanna go is one thing. Strategic planning and implementation of that plan is another thing. All the discipline, self-control and motivation won't produce optimal results unless they are attached to a practical plan.
6. Over-thinking. Analysis paralysis. I've spoken about it many times before. If the term 'over-thinker' elicits some kind of an emotional response in you, then... you know.
7. Lack of discipline and self control. Back in the old days these attributes proved to be quite effective. Apparently they still work.
8. We don't finish stuff. Sure I could be more technical, but do I really need to be?
9. We invest our emotional energy in the wrong place; jealousy, resentment, anger, greed, bitterness, etc. We waste what we've got. We hold on to crap and make ourselves ugly and unproductive.
10. Poor communication. Too many of us don't master (or even work at) life's most important skill. If you can't create connection, rapport and mutual understanding with the people in your world, you better learn. Quickly.
11. We lack clarity. We know we want success... we just don't know what that is! If you can't define it, you can't have it. When we get clarity we create excitement and momentum and we start to produce better results in our world.
12. Self doubt. If there's a way to shoot ourselves in the foot with a really big self-doubt gun, we'll find it. Perhaps we should stop that?
Perhaps you'd like to share some of the exciting and creative ways, you've discovered to waste your time, talent and opportunities. And then maybe you could tell us how you overcame that! Or you could just share a thought or comment.
* Hi Team, hope you enjoyed your weekend. I wrote this post late Sunday.
The Pleasure and the Pain
Today I went along to the Melbourne Marathon to watch some of my team (Fiona, Johnny and Mikey) punish themselves for 42.2 km's (26 miles). Aaah the pleasure and the pain of it all. The agony and the ecstasy. They all finished and they all did great. Well done guys. I rode my pushbike to the course so I could pedal beside those crazy kids for a while to offer a little support, some momentary distraction from the pain and some timely encouragement. Gotta say, on my current list of things to do, running a marathon ain't anywhere near the top. While the idea of completing a marathon kind of appeals to me (in theory), I don't know that my 95 kilo (210 lb) body-builder-ish physique would enjoy the experience or get me over the line (in reality). Having said that, I must admit that I totally love watching them and being part of that incredible energy. Even as a cheer squad. If you can't get inspired watching thousands of ordinary people doing extra-ordinary things, then you don't have a heartbeat. A sea of humanity all moving in the same direction; both literally and metaphorically. Where else could you see such a massive cross-section of people all working to their absolute max and fearlessly and passionately exploring their potential to achieve a common and a personal goal?
A Feelgood Event
Watching people explore their boundaries and discover their own version of 'amazing' gives me goosebumps. Ironically, when people are exhausted and in pain is often when we see them at their best. Their genuine selves. No bullshit, no acting, no ego, no lies, no meaningless dialogue. They don't have the time or the energy for pointless crap. Despite the obvious physical pain, a marathon is a feelgood event. There is universal and unconditional encouragement, friendship, care, compassion and support. To see complete strangers (both runners and spectators) encouraging, supporting and helping people along their way is both uplifting and moving. If only mainstream society was a reflection of the Melbourne Marathon. Over the course of a couple of hours I saw thousands of people and witnessed no anger, no rudeness and no negativity. In fact, quite the opposite. I rode beside an old(er) guy for a while and apart from getting his sixty-something body through the distance, he seemed to be on a personal mission to encourage every other runner over the finish-line as well. He was constantly talking, cheering and even clapping for the runners going in the opposite direction (it was an out and back course).
The Runner Salad
Elite athletes, high-performance running 'machines', Ethiopians who ran without actually touching the ground, hard-core guys in army boots and backpacks, a girl running in bare feet, a woman with her head fixed at forty five degrees, two old blokes wearing shiny running shorts from the eighties, young alpha-males who only started training three weeks ago, the guy with the tennis racquet (racket) and ball, the woman with the worst running technique in the world who appeared to be jogging on the spot, the chubby woman who will "finish no matter what", the eleven year old kid with the backward light-weight headphones who sang as he ran, the hi-tech crew and the old-school brigade... they were all there. They all lined up side by side.
Much More than 'a Run'
Being a born motivator, coach and encourager, I couldn't help but get totally drawn into the moment; the emotions, the psychological battles, the physical pain, the barriers being broken down, the incredible stories being written, the fears being overcome, the courage, the discipline and even the lives being changed. I know that all sounds somewhat melodramatic but for many people, running a marathon (or achieving any significant goal for that matter) is indeed a life-changing, mind-altering experience. It has the potential to change the way people think, behave and achieve - in all areas of their life. For life. It re-defines their standards, their expectations and even their beliefs. They become stronger, more courageous and have a greater insight into, and understanding of, their own potential. It's truly amazing what we can achieve when we stop talking ourselves into defeat and we find a way, rather than an excuse.
Doing What Most Won't
When we persevere and do what most people won't (not just in a marathon but with any challenge), we learn, we grow and we change. When we endure the discomfort, face the fear and work through the challenge, we become a better version of us. We get stronger. More courageous. More capable. We develop new skills. We see things differently and we start to produce better results in our world. Why do the vast majority of people who start the marathon complete it? Because they have prepared. They did the work. The got uncomfortable on a consistent basis over an extended period of time. They got fit and strong. They did what the majority wouldn't. They did what needed to be done to produce an exceptional outcome in their world. Marathoner runners understand what it takes to succeed. They understand the concepts of discipline, self-control, over-coming fear, dealing with discomfort, determination and perseverance. They understand that, more often than not, success has almost nothing to do with potential, age or genetics and everything to do with attitude and hard work.
Thanks and congratulations to all the brave runners who inspired me today.
Yes, I know this post is up early. I'm about to head up to the Darwin for a day, so early it is.Enjoy your weekend Groovers... and I really hope this woman (the one in my post) doesn't visit my site anytime soon. It's all true, but it could be kind of uncomfortable if she reads this and I bump into her again. Oh well.
I just had a conversation (of sorts) with a woman who is very angry about the proliferation of fast food oulets in her area. I was at the corner shop buying my paper when she accosted me. She had seen me on TV this week and felt compelled to tell me about what is happening in her suburb. Lucky me. Snorkel Anyone?
You know when angry people get on a roll about something and they begin to spit? That's what she did. Yep, lucky me indeed. She was like one of those frickin' multi-directional sprinklers. An industrial one. With hair on top. And a little too much make-up. It wasn't pretty. Fortunately, I'm waterproof. I do wish I had taken my raincoat and snorkel though. She actually spat on my chest three times mid-tirade and I was almost too scared to wipe it off. I didn't want to break eye contact. She could have somehow interpreted my wiping as support for the fast food nasties (she was in quite a state). And quite large. And scary.
Don't mention the donut folk!
Apparently she's mad at the burger people, the chicken joints, the pizza places, the soft-drink (soda) companies and don't even mention the donut folk!! Yep, allegedly her suburb is going down the toilet and it's all because of those nasty-ass, health-destroying, fat-inducing, evil companies who are single-handedly killing humanity as we know it. And I thought obesity had something to do with personal choice. What was I thinking?
Oh Please.
What is that in the corner of your gob?
Talk about over-reactive, melodramatic, delusional crap. Talk about avoiding personal responsibility. Talk about wasting energy and getting yourself into an unproductive emotional state. Talk about annoying the crap out of those around you (me) with your anger, your whining, your horrible attitude, your toxic personality and your determination to 'blame someone'. And I wouldn't even dream of bringing up that lump of white stuff that you had stuck in the corner of your mouth for your entire messy monologue. That would be somewhat embarrassing for you, so I would never mention it.
Oops.
Pointless Ranting
I don't really understand (or have time for) angry people who seem more concerned with finding fault (blaming someone or something) than finding solutions. If all that emotion was moving you towards some kind of positive outcome then I'd be interested but when it's just pointless ranting, I'm outa there. I considered telling the big, angry spitter what I thought but she didn't want to talk with me, she wanted to talk at me. She wanted to vent.
So I wiped myself down and left.
Of course I'm not a fan of fast food companies either but I would never blame them for my fat self or my fat kids. Sure their products are crap. Perhaps we shouldn't buy them? There's an idea. They (the fast food companies) ain't going anywhere 'cause we (society) keep choosing to eat the stuff. As long as we choose to put crap in our mouths, we have nobody to blame but ourselves.
So what was the net result of the Angry Spitter's tirade?
1. She raised her blood pressure and heart rate, increased her cortisol production and whipped herself into a state of mild anxiety and distress. And all her anger and ranting amounted to zero positive change.
2. She slagged all over me. Icky.
3. The fast food companies will be around for longer than her. Especially if she stays that angry.
4. She gave me something to write about. See, always finding the good!
As most of you know, I've been both in shape, and fat. And I mean F-A-T... not chubby, full-figured, voluptuous, heavy-set, stocky or big boned. And when I was fat, it wasn't because of the fast food companies, the clever marketing, my busy schedule, the business lunches, my genetics or my lack of education, it was because of the poor decisions I made, and the things I did to my body over an extended period of time. That's it. It was all about me. I did it.
We all know that the vast majority of people who lose weight, regain it. And while we know that nobody who loses that weight actually wants to put it back on, somehow we've become really good at it! Some of us have spent a lifetime cycling between the fit and fat versions of us. We even have the small, medium, large and industrial sections in our wardrobe. What a miserable and frustrating cycle that is. And I'm not talking about minor weight fluctuations here, I'm talking about a range of 10-50 kgs (22-110lbs) or more. We get on and off the weight-loss roller coaster for a bunch of reasons but here's what twenty five years of working with people in this area has taught me. My top five observations anyway...
1. We don't keep our head in the game. For a range of reasons, somewhere along the way we lose it mentally and emotionally. And when the discipline, the self-control and the can-do attitude go out the window, so does the new and improved body. Pity. We know that what happens below the shoulders is driven by what happens above them (our physiology is a by-product of our psychology), so for most of us, mastering our mind is the key to mastering our body. Creating life-long change (in this case, weight-loss) ain't about carbs, protein shakes, treadmills or pump classes, it's about what's happening between our ears. I know that this is a message I share regularly but it still seems to be missed and/or overlooked by the masses; fix the head to fix the body. Do whatever you need to do, to maintain focus, commitment and momentum over the long term. And as for that whole "it takes thirty days to create a new habit" thing... crap. As a rule, it usually takes much longer. Very few of us (okay, nobody) will undo thirty years of destructive behaviours, habits and thinking in thirty days. As is often the case, the theory and the reality don't actually merge.
2. We do stupid things to our body. Oh how we love extremes when it comes to weight loss. Four lettuce leaves, two carrots, some diuretics, a few fat-blaster tablets and three workouts a day. Great plan. If you're an idiot. And if you wanna lose a heap of fluid and muscle. And energy. And health. Extreme never works. Yes we all think our body is special and unique but... it's not. It amazes me how many 'smart' people do stupid things to their body. Drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, excess food, no food, no sleep, poor hydration, over-training and under-training, just to name a few. Be emotional and silly about your football team by all means, but not with the decisions you make about your body.
3. We start things that we won't maintain. We know that diets don't work but geeeeze we're good at doing them anyway. For a week. Despite being more educated than we've ever been, we (our society) still embrace what we know doesn't work; the watermelon and air diet. And the boiled egg and grapefruit diet.
4. We get in shape for events, but not for life. Yep, I've said it before, we're great at losing weight for birthdays, weddings, school reunions, big social events and even summer. And then we're great at getting fat again. It's what we do. Don't get mad at me, just take a look around. If only life was one long birthday, we'd all look amazing 24/7. We change our behaviour for a while, but on a level below our conscious (and temporary) behaviours, we're simply waiting to go back to normal. Normal being the same behaviours that lead us to obesity in the first place.
5. We don't have a plan for life beyond the weight-loss. Some of us are pretty good at the losing bit... but kinda crap at the maintaining bit. We arrive at our destination (Skinny Central) and start to eat. And eat. And eat. After all we deserve it, we've been 'so good'. And then we wake up six months later and realise that our trim body has well and truly left the station. Toot, toot. Losing weight is relatively easy. Maintaining habits, behaviours and weight loss for life is the real challenge.
At about five-ish yesterday afternoon (Melbourne time) our site went off the air. So to speak. Something to do with exceeding our band width (whatever that means) and Johnny not paying bills. Apparently he's been spending the profits on beer and pizza. And a small condo in the Bahamas. So for a few hours we were out of the Blogosphere and homeless. I almost had to find a real job. After all, what's a blogger without a blog? Just a bloke I guess.
"But blogging is not who you are Craig, it's what you do." Correct Grasshoppers. That was a test. Anyway, it appears that we're out of the woods and it's all fixed. Hope so, I'd hate to have to write individual letters to you all each day. That could be time consuming and kinda tiring. Not to mention, expensive. That's a funny thing we do isn't it; we say "not to mention"... and then we mention it!
I digress. Again.
A Me Update
Pretty busy week for the ex-fat kid, with a few speaking gigs, some media stuff, a trip to Darwin and a bunch of other business appointments on the to-do list. Sometimes being a grown-up is so demanding and responsible. I've heard. I'd be excited about my Darwin trip (never been there) but I arrive at 12:50am Friday, hopefully in bed by 2:00am-ish, breakfast at 7:00am, meeting with my employer (for the day) at 8:30am, presenting a workshop for one hundred financial planners from 9am to midday, a little lunch, packing and travel between 12:30 and 1:45pm, and then I fly out at 2:45pm. With any luck I should be in a coma, dribbling on some stranger's shoulder and making some of those weird-ass sleeping noises by about 3:oopm. That's the plan anyway. I head home via Sydney and finally touch down in Melbourne at 11:50(!) Friday night. And of course I'm up at 6:00am Saturday for my weekend radio show. Stupid I know. But so much fun.
More Update...
Don't ask, I just thought we needed a new paragraph! Anyway... thanks for all your kind words and support for Michelle from yesterday's post. I spoke to her and she was stoked (happy) with the support and the cyber-love. She's ace. For you home-bodies (who live in Oz), I will be on Channel Ten this morning talking about 'Healthy Foods that Aren't' (from last week's post). I will be on at about 10:45(ish), so if you're really bored, you wanna see me wearing make-up and you're near a TV, take a peek. Also, the 'Day in the Life of Me' post is on it's way. I will have it up in the next week... ish. I best pick an interesting day, otherwise I might scar (or scare) you all with some of those horrible mental images of me blogging in my undies for eight hours. Gotta say, some days of my life are more interesting than others!
Why I love blogging...
I love blogging for lots of reasons but at the top of my list is the positive influence that this medium allows me to have into people's lives. We are all works in progress, we're all dysfunctional on some level (the one's who think they aren't, are the worst) and we're all trying to create our best life. For me it's an honour to be a teeny, weeny part of your journey and it still blows me away when I receive amazing letters and comments, like these two I received yesterday:
From an anonymous reader via email:
I don't know how to thank you enough Craig. I'm so glad I happened upon your website. At a time when I felt like things couldn't get any worse in my life, somehow your site picked me back up and made me who I am now. I've read over half of your articles now, and every day I try to read more. I attribute where I am now, in my relationship, work status, and overall attitude, to your teachings. I thought I had lost the best thing that had happened to me and I was crushed, and in fact when I started to read through your articles, and started to change my attitude on my way of life, and how I go about day to day, I got it back. It's truly amazing how being a positive person and enjoying each day for what its worth can be so attractive. One thing that I am working on more than anything else is communication. Ive read all your (communication) articles so far, and I'd like to see more. Once again Craig, thank you.
* I didn't write it, honest!
And from a commenter:
Dear Craig, I cannot begin to let you know how much you've changed the way I see things. You are one of a kind and god bless you.
Jc from Quebec
Wow! How fortunate am I to have the opportunity to be able to connect with so many cool, kind, loving and generous people from all over the world on a daily basis? Well, today it's my turn to say thanks to you, my readers. I want to tell you all that I genuinely appreciate your feedback, your kind words, your encouragement, your support, your emails and every one of your comments. You have helped me build this amazing resource and community over the last two years and intentionally or not, you are helping me create one of the best free personal development resources in the world by being a supporter and a promoter of craigharperdotcom. And to all of you hard-core supporters who are constantly 'selling' my site to anyone who'll listen, a special thanks to you. This time two years ago, I had about five visitors to the site per week (in a very busy week) and two of them were my parents! As I write this, we are hovering around the 70,000 readers per week mark and growing. Yowza! It is my goal to keep building the site, to keep learning, growing, improving and challenging myself to be a better teacher, writer and coach. It's also my goal to inspire, provoke, stimulate and challenge you to create your best life. And to periodically kick your ass.
Hello Boys and Girls. A few weeks ago I interviewed an inspirational woman named Michelle Till for the 9AM Show on Network Ten. The interview was filmed at my gym in Brighton, so as you watch it, try not to be too distracted by the goings-on in the background. To tell you that Michelle has had an incredible life of over-coming adversity, dealing with fear and fighting for survival in every sense of the word, doesn't do justice to her story or begin to convey the magnitude of what she's endured physically, mentally or emotionally. Spending time with people like Michelle helps keep me grounded, grateful, aware and humble. So thanks Michelle. After you watch the video feel free to leave a comment or even send a little cyber-love Michelle's way. Unconditional love, support and care from strangers; sounds good to me.
You can watch the (six-ish minute) interview by clicking on the play button below. Of course you will need sound. And possibly a tissue. Enjoy...
I don't get frustrated too often. As a rule I consider it to be a bad investment of my emotional energy. However, there is one thing that brings me close to that emotion; watching talented, intelligent, gorgeous, capable people perpetually wasting their time, their opportunities, their gifts and a good chunk of their life through procrastination. Always thinking, talking and planning but never actually doing. They seem to spend their life in a holding pattern. I wish I could magically harness their potential to an amazing attitude, a great work ethic and some fierce determination. Then we would see some big results. Of course that ain't gonna happen so what we often end up with is talented, intelligent, gorgeous, under-achievers who live a life controlled largely by fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of being embarrassed. Fear of commitment. Fear of rejection. All kinds of fear. Even the fear of success. Yep, it happens.
Excuses or Reasons?
We human beings are pretty good at putting things off aren't we? Let's be honest, some of us are simply spectacular at it. Including me at times over my journey. If I really want to, I can find new and creative ways to put something off for years. And you should hear some of my excuses; they sound very legitimate, reasonable and logical. By the way, that's the trick with making excuses; you need to be able to sell them to those in your world, otherwise you'll be exposed for the procrastinating talent-waster that you are. And of course we don't label them as excuses, we call them reasons. "I don't make excuses, I give logical reasons."
Sure you do Pinocchio.
Avoidance Syndrome
Some of us are procrastinating about certain things right now. Not you of course, but perhaps someone you know. Very well. If there's a way to notdo something that really needs to be done, most of us will find it. Big things. Small things. Domestic things. Medical things. Financial things. Family things. Relationship things. General health things. Destructive habit things. Fitness things. Career things. Yep, some of us have PhD's in procrastination. We are Masters at almost doing stuff and world champions at rationalising, justifying and explaining what we're not doing and why; it's a time thing, a financial thing, a resources thing, a logistics things, a gut-feel thing.
Crap.
Analysis Paralysis
More likely, it's a fear thing. A laziness thing. An apathy thing. An attitude thing. A you thing. A me thing. We are all success stories in waiting but sadly, some of us will simply wait too long. We over-analyse and under do; death by Analysis Paralysis. Some of us will never tap into, or explore our potential, and some of us will die waiting. Literally. If only the mystical, mythical, magical 'right time' actually existed. For the most part, the righttimeexcuse is a convenient fairy tale used by people who aren't ready to take charge of their life. Success or failure is never about time, it's always about us.
If not Now, When?
So what will it take for you to actually address that thing (those things), once and for all? How much longer will you need before you're ready? Ten days? Ten months? Ten years? And how many of my articles will you need to read before you're ready to turn some of this theory into reality? Perhaps you just need to think about it some more. Or perhaps not. What will it take for you to make a brave decision, take a chance, get uncomfortable, use what you've been given, explore and develop your potential, to stop waiting and to consciously, consistently, passionately and diligently create your best life? When will you step out of the shadows of others and become the person that you know you want to become? When will your 'soon' become now?
Have I pushed a button yet?
A Cosmic Sign?
What will it take for you to stop thinking and start doing? Some kind of cosmic sign? A dream? An angel at your window perhaps? A lightning bolt? What about a health scare? They're always good to get us moving. For a while. Maybe some type of serendipitous event or circumstance will do it? Perhaps a shift in your consciousness or an increase in your awareness is what you need? Or maybe you need something less spiritual and philosophical... like a kick in the ass or a smack in the head? Often works for me.
By the Way...
Everything you need to create amazing outcomes in your world, you already have. Do you have a brain? Can you make better choices? Can you do different things? Can you react differently? Can you learn new things? Can you make mistakes without dying? Can you apologise? Can you be humble? Can you take a chance? Can you confront your fears? Can you embrace new behaviours? Can you develop new skills? Can you find your own truth instead of becoming a clone of someone else? Can you tap into your untapped potential? Can you achieve more in the next year than you have in the last ten? Can you stop over-thinking and under-doing?
Sorry, no article this fine Friday, I'm kinda crazy busy. Today the practical realities and commitments of my life have over-ridden my creative need (to write), my desire to produce something motivational and educational for you before we head into the weekend and of course my incredible insecurity about keeping you all happy! In other words, I have to do some real work today. Just thought I would remind you Melbournians who are interested in (1) developing your public speaking skills or (2) becoming a professional speaker, that I am running a three-hour speaking workshop from my Brighton centre tomorrow (Saturday) from 2 - 5pm. If you are a complete novice or if you have a little speaking experience that you would like to build on, you will find the content (and hopefully the presenter) interesting, practical, relevant and helpful. If you are interested you can book here (scroll down the page, bottom left) or you can chat to Mikey (Johnny is away) on 03 9553 8857.
Have a great weekend Grasshoppers and instead of simply knowing what to do (the theory), why don't you start doing (applying) what you know (the practical)? If you want better, do better. If you want different, do different. If you want to create exceptional outcomes, then do exceptional things. You know that whole over-thinking and under-doing thing is gonna drive you nuts right? Just a thought. Actually, more than a thought.
So yesterday's postpushed a few buttons, generated some interest and I'm sure was the catalyst for a little discussion and debate. Good, that was the goal. Someone also requested that I write a 'Day in the life of Craig' post. The idea seemed to appeal to a few people (not sure why), so I'll do that next week. You'll either find it really interesting or mindlessly boring. I guess it depends on how much detail I divulge, what interests you and where you're at in your journey. My life is kinda busy, a little unconventional and periodically hilarious, so I'll do my best to provide you with a completely honest, warts-and-all eighteen hour Craig day.
On with today's instalment...
Ever noticed how some people seem desperate to hold on to hurt? Yep, curiously some of us appear to be totally committed to our misery, our fear, our anger and our less-than-desirable existence. Somewhere, somehow, someone has done something to hurt us (intentionally or not) and no matter what, we're gonna find a way to hang on to that emotional crap for years. And years. Even if it kills us. Some of us inhabit misery by choice. We think we don't, but we do. There's no way we're letting go of that stuff; we have a very good reason to be bitter, twisted, resentful, paranoid and of course, dysfunctional. So we will be. Just stand back and watch. Yep, some of us revel in our emotional baggage. The trade off being that it provides us with periodic attention and sympathy. And as deals go, that's a crap one.
What Would You Know?
"It's easy for you to be smug Craig, but you don't understand what he/she/they did to me!" And my question to you would be, "But do you know what you're doing to yourself? You're doing more harm by handing over your power, your potential and your possibilities to another person or to some historical event, situation or circumstance... than anyone or anything could ever do to you."
Maintaining the Rage
People who won't let go and move on are actually hurting themselves more than they will ever hurt anyone else. In truth, the only thing we can change about our history is what we let it represent in our life (mind, thinking) today. That is, the meaning (the power) we give it now. Many people are living in a self-created and self-perpetuated emotional prison, holding on to baggage that they should have dumped years ago. And in their mind they keep justifying the rage, the misery, the negativity and the debilitating attitude. Yes, it (the pain) may have been triggered by another person or event, and yes it may have been tragic and very real... but the hurt can only be maintained by us. And we do. Sometimes forever. The lifelong victim. Poor baby. "But you don't understand my situation, my story."
Tragedy is Relative
Well, I do understand that shit happens to all of us. Welcome to the very large club. The human experience is frequently uncomfortable, people will treat you badly, you will get hurt, the world is not a fair place (just watch the news or visit a cancer ward) and bad things happen to good people. I also understand that we can inhabit misery, fear and rejection, or we can choose to do what many won't and let go, move on, forgive, find the good and become solution oriented rather than problem focused. Go and spend a week living in abject poverty in the Sudan without food or water and then tell me how hard your life is and how unfair your world is. Tragedy is relative. Perspective is an interesting thing; sometimes it's the difference between self-pity and joy, and sometimes it's the difference between prison and freedom. An emotional and psychological shift can take us from misery to happiness in a matter of minutes - without anything changing in our external world. That's power. That's potential. And that's available to all of us every day.
Sorry, too Busy Finding Food
In many places in the world (right now as you're reading this) they don't have the time or energy to spend feeling sorry for themselves, to be a victim, or to go to therapy because they're too busy trying to stay alive. That whole 'trying to find water and food thing' will certainly take your mind off those hurtful words someone spoke about you ten years ago. By the way, the real problem is not our history (what has or hasn't happened to us), our situation, our circumstance or the people in our world... it's how WE LET those things/people affect us today.
Emotional Growth
When we let go of the anger, the fear, the jealousy, the resentment, the arrogance and the ego we begin to find freedom, joy and even relief. We start to discover who we are and what we can become. It's liberating and enlightening. It represents a shift in our consciousness and is a sign of emotional growth and maturity. We may even begin to like ourselves. When we let go of being the incessant, insecure people pleaser and the human doormat, we begin to find our own voice and inner strength. And when we let go of the desperate, at times pathetic need to be loved, liked, wanted, noticed and valued, we instantly become more attractive, desirable and lovable.
Sometimes less is more and sometimes we just need to let go.
G'day Kids. Hope you're ruffling a few feathers, getting out of your little box, doing what needs to be done, stepping up to the plate and passionately, diligently and strategically constructing your best life. If not, why the heck not? Sorry I was a little absent yesterday. I got a few concerned emails. I'm great, just busy. My life away from the site (speaking, media, gyms, other writing, cheesecake) is a little crazy right now. This means that some weeks I will post two new articles and some weeks four or possibly five. I'll do my best and you do yours. By the way, if you enjoy the site and what I write, why not tell a thousand of your closest friends about it? If you help me grow the readership, I'll do my best to keep producing high quality Personal Development content just for you. At no cost. Surely that's a good deal?
On with the show...
A Good Story
When it comes to marketing and selling products, the food companies have never let the facts get in the way of a good story. A lot of the information we find on the front of food packaging is not so much information, as it is a somewhat misleading and deceptive sales pitch. For example, the reduced-fat peanut butter we find on our supermarket shelves has less fat when we compare it to the regular product, but it is by no means a low-fat product. It's still a high-fat, high-salt, high-calorie product that should be avoided. It's still complete crap. Complete crap with slightly less fat than it's full-fat brother. So instead of having 52 grams of fat per 100 grams, the new reduced-fat option has about 43 grams of fat per 100 grams (and a little extra sugar). Amazingly, some people will actually eat twice as much of the reduced-fat version because it's healthier. Not.
Oh well.
Too Much of a Good Thing
Even foods which are genuinely healthy can lead to an unhealthy you and me if we consume too much of them. If we eat only healthy fresh, whole foods but consistently consume twice what our body needs (in terms of our energy requirements), we'll get fat. If we're fat, we're at greater health risk. Simple. Obviously, what types of food we eat is an issue, but for many of us, how much we eat is the biggest issue. Not only are we the sit-down generation but we are also the over-eating generation. We have an incredible 'skill' for putting food in our mouth that our body doesn't need. Our want over-rides our need and the net result is... obesity.
Here's a few common food options that trip plenty of people up:
1. Seeds and Nuts. Yep healthy. Except of course when you're eating a bucket of cashews before lunch. Yes nuts are a quality natural food, but they are also very high in fat (good fat) and calories. When it comes to eating nuts, weigh or count what you're putting in your mouth. Freestyle (unconscious) eating of nuts ain't a great strategy when it comes to creating and maintaining your best body. Unless of course, you wanna weigh four hundred pounds soon. Most nuts are more than fifty percent fat.
2. Fruit Juice. Not all juice is juice. Some fruit juices are in fact fruit 'drinks' with as little as five percent fruit juice in them. Read those labels carefully. When you do find the real deal, consume it in moderation. Lots of calories and lots of sugar mean that we don't want to be using fruit juice as our sole means of hydration. They have this thing now called water. Apparently it's great. Interestingly, a glass of fruit juice has about the same amount of sugar and calories as a glass of soft drink (soda). A healthier type of sugar (fructose) of course, but sugar nonetheless.
3. Fruit Smoothies. The term 'healthy smoothie' can be an oxymoron with some smoothies (from well-known outlets here in Oz) having as many as 600 calories and 70 grams (14 teaspoons) of sugar. Wanna get fat? Throw down a couple of those bad boys each day.
4. Dried fruit. We take out the water, we leave the sugar and the calories and we're left with dried fruit. A very energy-dense food. Fresh fruit is a much (much, much) better option. Compare 100 grams of fresh apricot (40 calories) with 100 grams of dried apricot (over 250 calories). Same weight, very different calories. If you're going to eat dried fruit, do it sparingly.
5. Muffins. Somehow (not sure why), some people consider a muffin to be a healthy snack. Let's be clear... it's not healthy; it's cake. It's (typically) white flour, sugar, egg and some form of fat. Parents who (constantly) feed their kids muffins are irresponsible and pushing their offspring towards obesity.
6. Salads. Just the word 'Salad' wreaks of health, vitality and goodness doesn't it? If only it were true. As a rule, the only salad you wanna eat is the one you make yourself with fresh ingredients and little or no dressing. Not all, but many salads that you buy when eating out are laced with high-fat dressings and high-sugar sauces. A Caesar salad can easily contain 50-60 grams of fat (the same as two Big Macs).
7. Muesli bars. The majority are high fat, high-sugar, high-calorie crap. Avoid them.
8. Toasted muesli. Like raw muesli but more calories, more fat and not as good for you. Go the raw option.
9. Sports drinks. A.K.A coloured water with sugar. Unless you're an athlete who needs to replenish your depleted glycogen stores because you've just completed a massive training session, drink some water instead.
10. Protein bars. Some are okay but not many. Most are high in preservatives, interesting chemicals, calories and fat. Some are laced with artificial sweeteners and who knows what the long-term consequences of those will be. Many protein bars have a similar calorie and fat content to a Mars bar (of comparative weight). Read the labels and choose wisely if you must have one, but keep in mind that you can find protein in better places. Apparently there's a new high-protein product on the market; they call it the 'egg'. If you get a chance, check one out.
11. Cereal. In Australia, the vast majority of supermarket cereals are high-sugar, processed crap. Most of the popular cereals (in terms of sales) live somewhere in the twenty to thirty five percent sugar range. Great for the dentists, not so good for our kids. Or you. Look on the back of the pack and as a rule, the less ingredients, the better. My preferred cereals? Oats, raw muesli, Oat Brits, Vita Brits (or similar), unprocessed bran. The more natural and unprocessed, the better. My daily breakfast? Three Oat Brits (no I'm not sponsored), fifty grams of raw Muesli, thirty grams of unprocessed bran, skim milk. Or porridge (oats) and fresh fruit.
12. Flavoured rice cakes. Some people live on these things. I have to admit that I am partial to the odd flavoured rice cake. Unfortunately they have about as much nutritional value as eating your toenails. There's a thought. Very processed and very high in sodium (salt).
13. Low-fat ice-cream. As with many other low-fat products, the lack of fat is usually compensated for with additional sugar. Won't kill you but keep it to a minimum.
14. Low-fat frozen dinners. Apart from the fact that they're tiny, expensive and taste like shit (in my opinion), they're also jammed with preservatives and sodium. Apart from that, they're fantastic.
15. Vegetarian meals. Some people assume that if a meal is vegetarian, it's automatically healthy. Erroneous assumption. Some vegetarian meals are fantastic. Some are high in fat. Some are healthy. Some are not. Some vegetarian meals contain plenty of oil and other high fat ingredients like coconut milk. By the way, one cup of coconut milk contains fifty seven grams(!!!) of fat - more than most of us should consume in an entire day. Don't avoid vegetarian food but know what you're putting in your mouth.
The Last Bit
So grasshoppers, as is often the way with the human experience, things are not always as they seem. All I wanted to do today was to open the door on this subject and to stimulate and provoke you to be more aware and more considered when it comes to the choices you make regarding your (and possibly your family's) nutrition. I have just scraped the surface but I would encourage you to investigate and read further. If you do nothing else, begin to read the nutritional information labels on the products you intend to buy.
Keep in mind that with many healthy products, we're buying a concept more than we are a reality.
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